Broken
by pattyrose
Summary: Be careful what you do to the woman a good man loves, no matter who the hell you are. Because he'll protect her with his life. E&B.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Happy Monday!**

**So, here we go: BREAK from Edward's side of things. Meet me at the end for some disclaimers of the usual and not so usual kind.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

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**BROKEN – Chapter One**

"So, there's no clustering of sickness within the families, and none of the healthcare providers are getting sick, which suggests that the event isn't-"

"It's not contagious, no."

"At least, that much is encouraging." I clicked to the next sheet of data Emmett and I were reviewing together through one of the modern wonders of the professional world, which made it possible for us to hold a face to face, though we were thousands of miles apart.

"Hey, Ed, tell me again what she said she needed to pick up from your place?"

Switching to the tab with the results of the kidney and nerve tissue specimens, I angled my head, brow furrowing as I reviewed the data.

"Ed?"

"I'm sorry, what? Who?"

Emmett exhaled heavily and pointedly restated each part of his inquiry. "Your girlfriend. Kate. When she called you up out of the blue. What did she say she needed to pick up from your place?"

"Ex-girlfriend," I amended, eyes on the laptop screen and mentally sorting the data, "and she said she needed to pick up a lipstick."

"A lipstick? Man, what a flimsy excuse," Emmett snickered. "Dude, you're totally back in her-"

"Em, has the team collected all the medications found in the patient's homes yet?"

"No, they haven't, but listen to me. You play this 'I gotta pick up the lipstick I forgot at your place' game just right," – he chuckled heartily at his imitation of Kate's voice – "and I'll bet my life you and she end up-"

I sucked my teeth and threw my back heavily against the government office chair, banging my spine on the hard wood.

"See, this is why I wish I was already over there." Running a frustrated and antsy hand through my hair, I sat forward and switched back to Emmett's image. "Em, I need those medications collected from all the patients' homes, asap."

Emmett growled and fisted the man-bun on top of his head, skewing it to one side and giving it an even more haphazard appearance than it had when we first got on this call.

"Dude, I wish you were already here too! I collect and study the organisms; you examine their patterns and all the other factors. Skype or no Skype, it's all easier to coordinate when we're both in the same place."

What's more, since his arrival to Costa Rica three days earlier, his lab coats appeared increasingly wrinkled, and he'd developed sweat marks under his armpits. These were all aberrations to Emmett's usually fastidious appearance despite that head of hair. But, I could empathize with the last two if not with the first; power tended to be spotty in the mountains of Central America. Even this connection, which we'd finally gotten up and running, was choppy and erratic. Needless to say, fickle power connections made shaving and keeping cool tricky secondary objectives at best.

"Em man, I apologize for leaving you to shoulder this op on your own for a few days." Again, I fell back heavily against the hard chair. One of these days, I'd end up with a fucking broken spine. "But I had to make sure that Hantavirus New Mexico Report was finalized properly. Meanwhile, I'm here demanding more and more shit from you."

"Ed, one of these days, you're going to turn your back, and the world'll have ended with a quiet whimper. Poof," he said, a surprisingly muted sound accompanied by an equally underwhelming gesture, popping open his hands in illustration of some sad sort of explosion. "The entire population'll be decimated by disease so quickly they won't even have time to bitch about it." He chuckled heartily.

"Emmett, that's a fucking sick thing to say."

But I chuckled too while I berated him. After the shit Emmett and I had seen throughout the years, we had to laugh to keep our spirits up and thereby our mental health because it was all interconnected. It was either develop a somewhat morbid sense of humor or develop an ulcer…or worse.

"My point is, Ed, stop it with the fucking apologies," he said, abruptly much more sober. "That's not where I'm going with this at all. You can't carry the world on your fucking shoulders. Once in a while, you've got to make _your_ life your priority. I mean…" through the patchy connection, I watched him swallow, "maybe that's why Kate-"

"Em, I'll be there in a couple of days. In the meantime, have the team collect all medications from the patients' homes."

"Fine; change the subject," he muttered. "All right," he sighed in surrender. "So, why? What are you thinking?"

"I'm not exactly sure yet, but we've ruled out West Nile and Dengue Fever...what if it's not a virus at all?"

"Hm. Interesting." He nodded slowly, tapping two fingers against the overgrown hair on his jaw. "All right; I'll get 'em collected. The locals here are getting antsy regarding this '_enfermedad misteriosa_,' as they're calling it, and they're pissed off that their Ministry of Health hasn't been able to give 'em any answers. Dude, Costa Rica is not as fun as it's cracked up to be when it's hot as balls, a mysterious illness is making everyone sick, and you've got a bunch of scared individuals following you around impatiently."

"It's a good thing you can at least communicate without a language barrier," I said, referencing the Cuban half of his heritage. "It's good for the local pop to have someone who can convey info easily; helps minimize their fears."

"You communicate well enough – minus the white-boy accent," he grinned. "And you've always been much better than me at calming the public – until you start talking specific strains, then you just fucking lose them."

I chuckled at the rib.

"Unfortunately, my Latino half tends to get them more riled up. '_Chico__, __cuando sé lo que pasa, te haré saber.' _Man, pretty soon, they'll be coming at me with pitchforks. Seriously, Ed, take precautions before you get here. Maybe say 'bye' to the fam." He made the sign of the cross and chuckled again.

"You really are sick. But now that you mention it, I have been thinking about going to see Alice before I leave."

"Ooh," he said, following that up with a sharp hiss. "A visit to your sister. Dude, you really are crossing all your tees," he teased. "So, what's sweet little sis been up to lately?"

"I have no idea," I said, raking a hand through my hair again "and that's what worries me. She's been way too quiet for the past few months."

"Seriously?" Emmett snorted. "You're worried because there's been no trouble from that front for a while? Dude, thank your lucky stars. I mean, not to be an asshole or anything, but between your kid sister's college suspensions, her…enthusiastic dating habits," he cleared his throat, and I was sure we were both happy to skip mention of the time my sister accosted Emmett in the bathroom of our parents' house – well, our father's and her stepmother's house – when she was seventeen, "and all the shit your father's had to smooth over for her throughout the years, I'd think you'd be glad she sounds like she's finally settling into adulthood."

I chuckled. "You'd think so, huh? But relative silence from my sister usually means trouble in one form or another. She hasn't been around much lately, and last time I saw her a couple of months or so ago, she mentioned some new guy, but she was really shady about him."

"Shady how?"

"She told me to mind my business when I asked her something as innocuous as his name."

Emmett chuckled. "You know she's always been combative with you. If you say it's black, she says it's white."

"Yeah, I suppose," I shrugged. "But you know how much she loves showing off on social media, yet she hasn't posted much lately. She's never had too many girlfriends to begin, with her envious and competitive personality, but even that one girlfriend she's vaguely referenced over the past couple of years – not sure what her name is – even that one she hasn't referenced lately."

"I can see the gears churning," Emmett grinned. "You're extrapolating."

"It's what I do, isn't it? I extrapolate a bigger picture from the little information I have and come up with a conclusion and a solution."

"So what's your conclusion here? What's little Alice Cullen up to?"

"I don't know yet, but I've got a feeling it's nothing good. Anyway Em," I sighed, "thanks for holding down the fort. I'm on tomorrow night's flight, so I should be there within a couple of days."

"All right, man. In the meantime, I'll get those meds collected, and you…good luck with Kate…and with little sis."

I snorted but made no other reply as I reached out and shut down the connection.

For a brief moment, I sat there watching the afternoon sun through the windows as it shimmered over the river. It was a great afternoon for a walk, for a sunny stroll by the waterfront – if I had the time, and if I was the type of person impressed, or even distracted by the world outside the windows.

But I wasn't, so I returned to work.

OOOOO

When the knock came at my door late that evening, I exhaled in frustration, completely blanking on who it could be. I'd been skyping with Emmett again, going through the list of meds the team had collected so far from the patients' homes, and their common uses. I'd paused our call while I went into the kitchen to make myself coffee – one of my few, guilty pleasures – in prep for a couple more hours of work.

"Coming!" I admittedly barked at the second knock, mentally cursing whoever let in the interloper without forcing them to use the intercom. It was there for a fucking reason.

"Some people don't belong in New York," I muttered as I reached for the door handle.

When I found her on the other side of the door, I mentally cursed myself. I'd completely forgotten she was stopping by – for her lipstick.

"_Well, I'll certainly pay for a new one," I'd offered when she'd called me that morning mentioning some lipstick she'd left behind the last time she'd been at my place._

"_No, no, that's fine, Eddie. It's…they don't make that color anymore."_

"_Oh. Well, uh, do you happen to remember where in the apartment you left it? I'll look for it and send it out-"_

"_No. No, I'll just stop by and pick it up, if that's okay."_

"_Yeah, sure. No problem," I'd said, while I edited the document in front of me. _

"_All right, Eddie. I'll see you tonight then."_

"_All right. See you later, Kate. Have a good day."_

"_You too, Eddie."_

"Kate." I raked a hand through my hair. "Sorry, I completely forgot you were stopping by."

When her full, red lips tightened into a straight line, and a flicker of indignant shock crossed her features, I cursed myself some more.

"Sorry, sorry. What I meant was-"

"You were busy with work," she finished for me with a magnanimous yet knowing smile.

I swallowed before offering her an apologetic smile in return. "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant."

She snorted. "May I come in?"

"Yeah. Sure."

I stepped out of her way, and when she walked past me, I caught a whiff of her perfume. It was a familiar scent, strong and floral, and throughout the few months we'd dated, I'd never made up my mind on whether I liked it or not. Nonetheless, as I shut the door and turned back to the apartment, catching Kate sashay toward the couch, for a second, I recalled why I'd been pretty crazy about her for a while.

Not only was she physically appealing – tall, long legs, long blond curls, great breasts and ass – but she was an intelligent, well-spoken and independent woman; a dentist actually, which was how we'd met. She'd gushed and gushed about my teeth through three bi-yearly exams before I'd finally asked her out. But then, our relationship only lasted the length of one bi-yearly exam. We'd been broken up for a couple of weeks by then.

Nonetheless, Kate wasn't the type of woman to play games, which was why I'd rejected Em's earlier insinuations that the Lipstick Issue was simply a ploy.

"So, how've you been, Kate?"

She turned around and flashed me a brilliant smile. After all, she was a dentist.

"I've been good, Eddie. Thanks. And you? How've you been?"

"Good," I nodded. "Busy."

She chuckled lightly. "What else is new, right?"

I didn't reply. My job and all it entailed had pretty much been the reason for our break-up.

"So, I'm in the middle of something, but you can go ahead and look around for that lipstick." I waved a hand in invitation. "Though I've got to tell you, I don't remember seeing one. Had I seen it, I would've definitely called you or texted you." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I mean, obviously, it would've been yours, right?" I chuckled, face hot from all my blabbering. "What I mean is-"

"I know what you mean," she chuckled softly in return. "I never suspected you of cheating, Edward. That's not why I broke up with you."

"I know," I nodded. "Anyway, you're welcome to-"

"Edward…" She drew in a deep breath, her breasts rising and falling in my periphery, "I've got to make a confession."

"Oh?"

"I didn't come for a lipstick." She shook her head. "There is no lipstick."

Fuck.

We stood facing one another, more than a few generous feet of space between us, but now I had no idea whether to move closer…offer her a seat; a drink. I'd expected her to be in and out.

"Kate, I'm not sure-"

She stepped closer, cutting the space between us in half.

"I've been thinking, Eddie…maybe I was too hasty, too demanding. I mean, this is your career. How would I have felt had you asked me to put you before my career?" She shook her head. "I don't think I would've taken it well."

"I would've never asked you to do something like that."

"I know," she nodded vigorously. Another step forward. "That's what I'm saying. We were together for six months. Maybe it was unreasonable for me to expect you to…" she swallowed, grey eyes wide and nervous, "fall madly in love with me in six months. I mean, we're not easily fascinated teenagers or even kids in our twenties. You're thirty-three; I'm thirty. We've gotten used to leading our own lives. And maybe…" Another step forward, and she did away with sufficient distance so that as she continued, she was able to reach for my hand and knit her fingers through mine, "maybe, eventually, I can get used to all your traveling and all your late hours."

She was a tall woman, so when she pressed her mouth to mine, she didn't have to reach far. Then, as she went through her speech, her lips brushed continuously against my lips, and my body...began responding.

"Edward…I've realized I made a mistake, and I want to give us another chance. I know you and I could be great if we really work at it. We could build a life together; marriage, children," she said huskily, her breath washing over me, her scent tickling my senses. "Imagine a little boy with my eyes and with your perfectly straight nose. Or a little girl with my curly, blond hair and our height. And I understand you want to keep traveling for your job, and that's fine. My mom said she'd help me with the kids. She's always wanted grand-"

I stepped back and pulled my hand out of hers. For a while, we merely held one another's gaze. Kate was a beautiful woman; a good woman; a bright, intelligent woman.

"Kate…I don't think you made a mistake."

She exhaled heavily. "Forget what I said about children. You've made it obvious, with your heavy-duty condoms and with your constant reminders about my birth-control that you don't want them at any point in the near future. Nowadays, women are giving birth in their forties, so if that's what's scaring you here-"

"Katie, it's not…" I raked a hand through my hair, "Look, I'll admit I've never given thought to children, but…you're a wonderful woman, Kate, and it's not you, it's-"

She chuckled ruefully and shook her head. "You're not going to give me the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, are you?"

"It's true," I said simply, shrugging my shoulders. "Kate, I do care about you-"

"Then give it some thought, Edward," she said. "I know I showed up out of the blue-"

"Kate, I have a trip coming up. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

Again, she sighed, she shut her eyes, reopening them after a few seconds. "It's okay. We can talk about it again when you return."

"No, Kate," I said decisively. "I'm not going to do this to you. I'm not going to lead you on. Kate, you were right to break up with me. I'm not the guy for you. You deserve a man who'll fall to his knees and thank his lucky stars you ever crossed his path, who'll be willing to give up absolutely everything for you, and who'll jump for joy at the knowledge that you'd want to marry him and bear his children."

"And that's not you," she said simply.

"No, Kate. That's not me," I replied honestly.

OOOOO

After she left, and I returned to my laptop, I realized Emmett had been on the entire time.

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt, and I didn't want to completely sever the connection what with how hard it is to get a good one, but I did step away," he said.

I snorted. "It's okay. We didn't say anything that scandalous."

For a few moments, he said nothing. "Ed, I don't get it. She really was a great woman, and willing to accept all your travel."

"I thought you said you stepped away?"

"Well, yeah, but I heard some – including that bit about the heavy-duty condoms."

I chuckled. "Asshole. But…yeah, she was- is a pretty close to perfect woman."

"Except for that nasal voice."

"Stop. And…on paper, we could've been perfect together."

"Then, what is it that you're looking for, Ed?"

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled it audibly. "I don't even fucking know. Maybe, it doesn't exist."

OOOOO

During a quick break the following morning, I called my father.

"Edward, how are you? I'm glad you called."

The genuine thrill in my father's voice whenever I called, which admittedly wasn't all that often, always filled me with equal parts gratification, guilt, and anger. I never knew how I'd respond from one conversation to the next. The issues between Carlisle Cullen and I were too old, too deeply-rooted for an examination during a quick phone call. Besides, I had too much to do: a flight that night to finish prepping for, calls to make, instructions to leave in place…and a visit with my little sister.

"Hey, Dad. I'm good, thanks. I'm prepping for a trip tonight, and-"

"Oh, yeah? Where are you headed?"

"Costa Rica. There's an outbreak in the mountains, near Monteverde, and the country's Ministry of Health is having a hard time pinpointing the actual virus and it's cause, so they've asked the CDC to lend a hand. But, Dad, I called-"

"Edward, just…look, I want you to know I'm proud of the work you do; I really am. But please be careful in those countries and around those people, for your mother's sake if not for mine."

"I'll try not let the natives breathe on me too heavily," I replied.

"Come on. That's not what I mean. We worry. Have you called your mom?"

"Yeah, I have actually. I keep in regular contact with her and she actually calls me more than once in a blue moon. And when I told her where I was headed tonight, she said she hoped my team and I could figure out quickly what's making the people there sick. Now, can I get to the reason why I'm calling you?"

He sighed over the phone line. "What is it, son?"

"Have you spoken to Alice lately?"

Another sigh. "Edward, you know how your sister is. She's hard to track down under normal circumstances."

"Under normal circumstances," I echoed warily. "So, something _is_ going on?"

"I don't know," he said, a note of frustration tinging his tone.

"But you suspect, don't you? Yet, I'd bet you haven't done a thing to investigate. Not that we should have to babysit a twenty-five-year-old woman as if she was fifteen."

"Edward, my plate is full right now. Between speeches I have to prep for, surgeries I have to schedule, and-"

"And my fucking plate isn't full, right? You didn't just hear me tell you that there are people fucking dying in Central America, and we don't know the cause?"

"Edward-"

"But I'm going to have to be the one to investigate what the fuck is going on with your daughter before I leave the country, right? Because you made her with another woman, saddled Mom with her, and now just throw money at her."

"Edward-"

"Take care, old man."

OOOOO

I stood before my window, gazing out at the river as I hit the number for Alice's office later that afternoon. I'd greet her pleasantly, like a big brother, then I'd ask if she wanted to schedule a late lunch or an early dinner. Yeah, I had to plan my words, tamp down on the rising suspicion that she was in the middle of another one of her typical shit-fests.

"Be calm, Edward," I murmured to myself as the line rang. "You don't know that something's up. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Em's right, and she's finally-"

"Hello? Uhm, sorry, I mean Alice Cullen's office?"

The voice which answered didn't belong to Alice.

"Uh…hi, I'm looking for Alice?"

"This is her office, but this isn't Alice. Sorry." The person on the other line chuckled somewhat ruefully.

"Is this her secretary?" I asked with some confusion. As far as I knew, Alice was one of the lower-level writers on staff at the publication, and she didn't have a personal secretary.

"No. No, this isn't her secretary," the person replied. "I came into Alice's office looking for her to see if she wanted to brainstorm some ideas, but she wasn't in here. Then I just got distracted with the view from her window."

I grew more confused. The last time I'd visited Alice, she had a small office with a view of an alley. She hated it, and she'd gone on about the magnificent river view in one of the office's on the other side of the building – her friend's office. I'd reminded her that when she'd sent me her friend's writing, it'd been clear why the friend deserved that view.

Alice hadn't appreciated the reminder.

"I'm sorry, but I've seen the view from Alice's office. There's not much to look at."

The person on the other line chuckled – a soft, musical chuckle I found myself responding to with an uneven sigh.

"No, not usually," she admitted. "Poor Alice. But, I tend to get easily distracted by what's going on beyond a window. For example, right now, I'm watching one of the storefronts across the alley, with a graffitied back door to what I believe is the Asian restaurant across the street. The back door has a huge sign with block letters on it that clearly and unambiguously says, 'ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING ANYWHERE NEAR THESE PREMISES BY PENALTY OF LAW AND IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL.' Yet, there are two guys right outside, both dressed in Hibachi gear, chef hats, and dirty aprons, playing dice and smoking away the afternoon as if they haven't a care in the world nor a sign right in their faces forbidding exactly what they're doing."

I laughed and laughed. "You painted that so perfectly, I can practically see them."

Again, she chuckled, but this chuckle was much quieter, and it sounded as if it held a bit of self-mockery.

"Yes, I'm a wonderful story-teller, especially lately."

For some reason, the satirical tone of her voice made my chest ache. "Well, it sounded like a wonderful story to me."

"Thank you, and I'm sorry." She offered me yet another rueful chuckle. "As I said, I came in to brainstorm with Alice, got distracted, and when the phone rang, I completely forgot I wasn't in my office."

"That's understandable," I smiled.

"Well, I'm not a secretary, but I'd be happy to take a message," she said sweetly, "though I do think Alice has left for the day. Actually, it's so beautiful outside, I think I'll do the same. I'm not getting much accomplished here anyway."

"Then, don't worry about taking a message. Go enjoy the rest of the day. I'll call her cell."

"Okay. Take care, Stranger, and enjoy the rest of your day too."

"Oh, by the way, I'm Ed-" I began, but she'd already ended the call.

And as I set my own phone down, my gaze landed on my own windows and my view. That musical voice replayed itself in my head:

'_I tend to get easily distracted by what's going on beyond a window…'_

'_I'm a wonderful story-teller…'_

'_Take care, Stranger…'_

I smiled to myself. Maybe there was more to windows than their translucency after all. With another deep breath, I called Alice's cell phone.

No answer. I looked up at the clock and mentally ticked off most of the To-Do items I'd wanted to complete before my evening flight. I had a few hours.

"Oh fuck, let me just get this over with," I breathed to myself. "Let's see what Little Sister is up to. Who knows?" I grinned. "Maybe I'll even bump into her quasi-not actual-secretary."

And with a stupid chuckle, I stood from my hard-backed government chair, walked around my desk, out of my office…

…on my way to Alice's building.

A/N: Thoughts?

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**So, let's address some FAQs:**

**Q: Will this be angsty?**

**A: Short and sweet answer: Yes. **

**Q: How long will this be (number of chapters, number of words)?**

**A: I don't know the exact length yet, since I'm writing as I go, but probably around the length of BREAK, give or take 50,000 words and/or twenty chapters or so. ;)**

**Q: What's the update schedule?**

**A: I don't really know. BREAK usually updated twice a week, once early in the week and once late in the week. So, I'll try to stick to that, but I can't make any guarantees. **

**Q: Does one need to read BREAK before they read BROKEN?**

**A: At the moment, I don't believe so, but since it's only the first chapter, and I'm writing as I go, I can't make guarantees. There will be many scenes from BREAK that won't be here in BROKEN, and even if they are, they'll be from a different POV. So I think it'll really be up to the reader. **

**Q: Will BROKEN simply be exactly the same story as BREAK, but from Edward's POV?**

**A: My plan is to write this story to cover as many alternate scenes as possible. As much as I can, I want to write this so that we're not reading the same scenes from BREAK, only they're in Edward's POV. Of course, there will be instances where they will overlap. But mostly, I want this to be Edward's story of what was going on with him, on his side, during this time. **

**Now, we get to the important Q&As:**

**Q: If I hate the story, do I need to review and let you know?**

**A: Not at all! I won't mind in the least if you don't tell me you're hating the story. As a matter of fact, I have a very easy solution for it: Click the 'X' and never reopen the story again. :)**

**Q: If I have a critical yet CONSTRUCTIVE comment to share, should I review?**

**A: If you have a critical yet CONSTRUCTIVE comment to share, which doesn't involve attacking me personally nor delivering the comment with snarky, passive-aggressiveness, then YES! By all means, share! Common courtesy is a beautiful thing, and I ADORE replying to comments that are shared by reviewers who remember that I'm a real person, with real feelings, and I will reply in kind. (Hint: Telling me you hate the story and I suck is not a useful comment. Please see #4 above).**

**If I've forgotten anything, please go ahead and let me know, and I'll answer all your questions. :)**

**Seriously, I hope you all enjoy. **

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, discussions, etc): Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: (for update announcements and randomness): PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts! Just want you all to know how much I appreciate them, and that I'll get back to you all asap!**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine too.**

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**Broken – Chapter 2**

"You finally got the samples out to CDC Atlanta?"

Emmett's reply held more than a hint of exasperation. "Finally. It's like a goddamn monsoon landed up in these mountains overnight. The courier had a hell of a time reaching us, and when he finally arrived, he barely made it out of his jeep alive before he was accosted by the locals. We had to stop what we were doing to go rescue him. Ed, they're growing more impatient." He paused. "There was another death late this morning."

"_Fuck_." I exhaled long and hard while paying the cab driver and stepping out onto the sidewalk corner and into a late, sunny afternoon. "Then, we can't really fault their impatience, can we?"

"No, we can't."

"Meanwhile, I'm over here…" I shook my head, "I should've tried to change my flight to something earlier this afternoon."

I angled my head upward and dropped my shades into place to keep from being blinded by the glare coming off the glass and steel Chelsea neighborhood high-rise in which my sister lived. Personally, I'd always preferred the more understated, brick and mortar, low-rise architecture of lower Manhattan.

"I hate midtown," I muttered as I took up a brisk pace.

"Which is likely why your sister chose to live there," Emmett chuckled. "You say 'Black,' she says 'White,' remember?"

I snorted at the memory of the one and only time Alice had visited my converted loft and the stone-cobbled, Tribeca neighborhood on which it was located, about four years earlier.

'_Jesus, Edward, how fucking old is this dump? You've got exposed bricks on your walls, exposed pipes on your ceilings, and the entire place was once a warehouse. Come on, dear brother, with all the money Daddy throws our way, you can afford better than a run-down slum that looks like it's from the eighteen-hundreds.'_

'_First, dear sister, I pay for this place on my own, like an adult. I don't live on Dad's dime. Not that I'm complaining about my career or my loft because I happen to love 'em both. Second, the reason this place looks like it's from the Nineteenth century is because it's Pre-Civil War, Neo-Classical architecture, which is rarely referred to as run-down slums."_

'_Only an overbearing, patronizing asshole would prefer something old and tired to something sleek and fly."_

'_Maybe, but unless you want to advertise the fact that along with all that money you happily take from Dad, you also had him buy your college degree, you probably shouldn't go around referring to building designs as old and tired versus sleek and fly."_

'_Fuck you, Edward!'_

"Ed, don't beat yourself up over not being here yet. There's not much we can do right now other than wait for those results to come back from headquarters. Besides, it wouldn't have made much of a difference if you'd tried to fly down this afternoon. What with that storm, you would've probably just ended up stuck somewhere on the tarmac or worse."

"Yeah, maybe," I conceded. "Though I can't see what could be worse than where I'm headed."

Emmett chuckled. "I keep telling you, if she's been quiet, she can't be up to that much."

Nonetheless, my footsteps gained speed as I caught sight of Alice's glass-enclosed lobby down the block, a few yards ahead of one of the steel staircases leading up and down from The High Line, an elevated park and greenway created on what was once a New York City railroad track.

The High Line was one of the few, well thought out developments in this overdeveloped neighborhood. I recalled it had taken a while to catch on, but time, advertising, and some well-written articles made it a favorite among New York City locals and tourists alike.

I'd happened to come across a couple of those articles. Alice shared them with me a couple of years earlier. They were written by a friend of hers, a senior writer at _The High Line Publication_ – named after the elevated garden, and the publication which became Alice's first post-college, post-BA gig.

What I remembered of the articles wasn't so much the actual choice of words or turns of phrase, but rather the writer's ability to paint a picture of the elevated garden and transport the reader right into the heart of that picture. The writer's style transformed The High Line from another urban, manmade landscape into a destination. The writing had been amazing, for lack of a more imaginative word, but the world of Imagination wasn't my realm. It was, apparently, the realm of a certain writer at _The High Line._

As soon as I'd shared my views with Alice regarding the awe-inspiring talent possessed by her coworker, I'd discovered my sister's reasons for sharing the articles with me had apparently less to do with sibling bonding and more to do with a desire to have her ego stroked via reassurances that she was a much better writer than her coworker slash friend.

I received another resounding "Fuck you, Edward," this one in text form, in reply to my reply.

Nonetheless, I maintained that the other woman literally used newsprint as canvas and her words as paint with which to construct pictures and tell stories, much like…

Much like the woman earlier had done; the quasi-not-actually-a-secretary who answered Alice's phone.

"Things aren't always as they seem…" I mouthed, thinking aloud.

"What?" Emmett asked.

I shook my head and blinked back to the present.

"Em, you sent out the samples of the cough syrup to Atlanta too, right?"

"Yep. They said they should have something for us within twenty-four hours of receipt. Though, you should've heard Laurent's bitching and moaning. It was pretty hilarious: _'The fuck is Cullen thinking, having us test a bottle of simple, fucking cough syrup?_'" Emmett said, imitating Laurent's hard, angry bark.

"Like I said, things aren't always as they seem, and Laurent can bitch and moan all he wants as long as he does his job."

"He still hasn't gotten over the fact that they promoted you over him last year," Emmett said.

While he snickered over the cell, I wondered if I could still make the earlier flight if I got this little visit over quickly, if as Emmett said, my sister was indeed up to nothing more than what your average, mid-twenties, New York City single woman would be up to.

"If it was up to Laurent…"

A woman suddenly appeared on the staircase leading off The High Line, just a few yards away.

She sprinted then jumped down the last few steps and rushed forward in my direction, the pair of heels she wore making me fear she'd twist an ankle and break a leg. But they did very little to slow her roll.

_She's fast._

"What?" Emmett prompted.

"I said if it was up to him…"

Long hair cascaded around her shoulders, her rapid pace causing it to billow around her lean frame like a threatening, dark cloud.

"I think we have another bad connection," Emmett said. "I'm not catching the end of that."

"I said Laurent would've done the job from the comfort of a lab in Atlanta."

Emmett snorted. "That's the fucking truth."

Her full lips moved fiercely around words I couldn't hear, but breaths which I could almost feel from a few yards away erupted from her hard and pronounced. What appeared to be beautiful features when not consumed with fury were now pinched tight.

_She's outraged._

"Unlike you…" Emmett continued.

She was ethereal, almost phantasmal in her obvious wrath; an avenging, dark angel on her way to exact retribution from some unlucky bastard or other. And for a quick second, my steps faltered at the vision because, while I was sure I'd never seen her before, somehow…there was a connection…

And at that moment, as I tore my eyes from her, pulled off my shades, and took in our surroundings to determine if anyone else saw the vision or if she was just a figment of my mind, I began wondering if was indeed losing my mind.

"…Laurent never did enjoy…" Emmett went on.

"Someone stop that woman!"

The shout came from above; from another woman standing at the top of The High Line and leaning over the railing.

"She verbally abused my son and destroyed his phone! Stop her!"

So perhaps, the vision before me was no illusion. As she surged forward, I noted that her frenzied gaze was singularly focused…on the glass-enclosed lobby.

"…getting into the actual thick of things," Emmett finished.

"Emmett, I've got to go. I'll be on the earliest flight I can get into San José."

"All right, Ed. Just let me know, and I'll see if I can-"

I ended the call, with my gaze focused on the angry, beautiful woman. As we simultaneously reached the lobby door, I obtained more proof that she wasn't just in my mind. The doorman anticipated her approach, and with his wide and wary gaze on her, held the door open. When she shoved me aside in her haste, the alarm bells in my head rang like apocalyptic warnings.

"Pardon me, miss, but you should be careful on those."

The hell-bent tornado in the shape of a woman ignored me and careened forward, and heaven help whoever got caught in her eye. Meanwhile, my eyes followed her trajectory, and I peripherally noted the handful of individuals in the large lobby: a woman in a corner retrieving mail, two other individuals in conversation, and one other with a leashed dog, speaking with the doorman.

When the woman's mad dash suddenly halted as if she'd hit a wall, I tore my gaze away from her once more and followed her narrowed eyes to one of two building elevators. The elevator doors were parting, and as its occupants spilled out, I took the first one in with more than a faint, growing sense of dread.

My sister, Alice, scrambled out still straightening her skirt, patting down her wild hair, and attempting to cover a bare shoulder. Though, the fact that she'd missed three buttons on her blouse made it pretty impossible to keep it from slipping. Alongside her, bolted out a man with his dirty blond mane disheveled, blue eyes wide and panicked, button-down shirt unbuttoned and untucked, and fly still _fucking_ open. A seven-year-old could've extrapolated from this type of scene.

As a matter of fact, as a seven-year-old, I once had.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!"

For a handful of seconds, only the reverberation of the woman's shouted words resounded across the glass-enclosed lobby. Then, the literal fucker standing with my sister stepped forward. As he put up his hands palms out toward the outraged woman, I noted the gleam of a gold band on his left ring finger.

"Bella, calm down."

_Bella_…

The articles…the byline…Isa_bella_…

"Jasper, you fucking BASTARD!" she shrieked, hands balled at her sides, with the matching band to said bastard's ring on her left hand.

When the guy changed tactics and shouted back, "Calm down!" my hackles rose. I took a step forward.

"Bella." Alice's voice shook, but I knew my sister. It wasn't fear or even shame which made her quiver. While her eyes flickered around the lobby, my mind involuntarily took me back to That Day, a quarter of a century in the past:

'_Damn it, Carlisle, tell him to look away. He's staring at me, and I'm trying to get my clothes back on.'_

'_Liz, he's shocked. Edward, son, please…please turn around.'_

"And _you_," the woman hissed sharply, pulling me back into the lobby, "you goddamn _whore_!"

There were gasps all around. Yet, no one in the lobby attempted to walk out on the show nor on the woman who was the unwitting star.

"Excuse me, miss," I murmured quietly as I took another step forward, hoping to pull the woman out of the rabbit hole into which she was sinking. But she sensed nothing and no one beyond the two people before her.

"You were supposed to be my friend! One of my best friends! And you're _fucking_ my husband?"

There it was, not in the magical language she'd used in those articles, because I was pretty sure by then those had been hers – Isabella, Senior Writer; Bella, Alice's unwitting friend – but in plain language, in case anyone in the lobby hadn't yet finished extrapolating.

More gasps arose.

"Bella, stop," Alice spat. "This is my apartment building and you're embarrassing me."

'_I'm trying to button up, and he's embarrassing me!'_

'_Edward, son, please. I promise I'll explain everything, but please…we have to get dressed.'_

The woman appeared much more startled by Alice's cause for embarrassment than I was. After all, I had experience with such scenes. But how had this woman…Bella…figured it out? When her head jerked back, I took yet another step forward and tried again.

"Miss-"

"Are you fucking….? Are you fucking kidding me? _I'm_ embarrassing _you_?"

"Bella-" the bastard husband began. His tone, unfuckingbelievably, held more than a note of exasperation.

But, with the view afforded me by standing behind the woman, by being focused on her slim shoulders and on how they rose and fell with the weight of her discovery, by noting how her balled hands fisted tighter in barely suppressed rage…and with the clarity afforded me by not being one of the two, cheating assholes, I knew that despite her husband's tone and Alice's chastisement, the woman's fire was being stoked.

'_Damn it, Carlisle, why didn't he knock before he walked in? He should've knocked!'_

What's more, I knew to what levels my sister's imagined sense of self-righteous indignation could rise.

"Miss…Bella…maybe we should-"

"You were sitting naked as a fucking jaybird on top of your kitchen counter, fucking my husband hardcore with your windows wide open, and I'M EMBARRASSING YOU?"

Another memory flashed through my mind. This one of the only other time I'd stopped by this apartment building. It was for a housewarming, and at my mother's continued efforts to finally make one, big happy family out of us despite the underlying shit our family entailed.

_Arriving as late as courtesy allowed, I'd stepped out of one of the two elevators, and onto Alice's floor. Her apartment door was open, loud music streaming from inside, and Alice in the hallway waving goodbye to someone who'd just stepped into the other elevator._

"_Are you sure you can't stay longer?" Alice asked._

_A musical voice carried over the din and from within the other elevator. "No, I just stopped by, but I can't stay. The hubby's waiting for me. Love the apartment, Al! I'll see you at work tomorrow!"_

_Curiously, I peeked into the other elevator, but the doors shut before I caught sight of the musical voice's owner. When I turned around, Alice's narrowed gaze was also on the closed door, where it remained for a fraction of a moment longer than necessary._

_Later, I'd left the celebrating behind and escaped into Alice's kitchen. Unfortunately, she'd discovered me as I gazed through her huge, floor-to-ceiling windows. _

"_I bet you're thinking how much better this place is than your old, piece of shit downtown, huh?"_

_I took a deep breath, drained the last of my beer and disposed of it in the recycling bin before turning toward her._

"_What I was thinking is that if I were you, I'd put up some shades."_

"_Well, you're not me, big brother. I like those windows wide open. __**Your**__ windows are wide open."_

"_Yeah, but my windows don't open up onto an elevated park, where anyone who passes can see-"_

"_You know what, big brother? Fuck you. You've always got to be better, right?"_

"_Alice," I snorted, shaking my head, "I've never said that."_

"_Edward," she'd snorted in return, "you don't have to say it."_

"Oh, my goodness." Now, in the present, the woman retrieving her mail dropped it; the sound of whispered exclamation and fluttering envelopes and magazines punctuating the momentary silence.

Meanwhile, I recalled that I'd first spotted the woman at the center of all this…Bella…as she rushed down from The High Line. So, it would appear Alice never did take my advice regarding those kitchen windows.

The dog yipped.

The bastard husband gripped the back of his neck and whimpered.

'_I don't know what to do here. Jesus, I don't know what to…Edward, son, please step out for a moment.'_

Alice's nostrils flared.

"You damn…" she sneered, shaking her head. "We couldn't just do this like adults, could we?"

The woman barked a bitter laugh. "Doing this like adults pretty much went out the window when you did my husband through the window!"

Yet more gasps. I took another step forward and reached for the woman, lifting a hand toward one of her slim, stiff shoulders.

"Miss…Bella…"

"This is your own damn fault, Bella," Alice snapped. "You were a nag, and he got sick of you."

The woman's shoulders fell, and my hand sank back to my side.

"Damn it, Alice," I hissed.

Alice and I…we'd never been what anyone could term close siblings. Seven years her senior, we had little in common growing up. By the time she hit those rebellious teen years, I was out of the house. But the truth was…we'd never bonded. The manner of her creation, while obviously not her fault, was permanently etched into my subconscious.

And the further truth was, as the years passed, Alice left behind the excuse of those rebellious teen years, yet the actual rebelliousness remained. All my adult life, I'd vacillated over a determination of whose fault exactly that was: mine, our father's, my mother's, her mother's, Alice's own fault, or varying combinations of the above to varying degrees.

At that moment, I didn't really give a fuck whose fault it was. But before I could say more, the asshole husband, more defensiveness in his beady blue eyes than actual remorse, finally opened his goddamned mouth.

"Bella…we've been having issues for a while. You know that."

'_Esme, you've been so busy with the start-up, and…'_

"We've been having issues, Jasper," the woman said, all her fury suddenly leached so that her voice was a small, strangled whisper, "not goddamn lovers on the side."

'_So you slept with the neighbor, Carlisle, because I wasn't around? Because I had a last-minute meeting? When you knew our son would be home at any moment?"_

The man sighed. "Bella, when was the last time you and I talked?"

'_Esme, when was the last time you gave __**me**__ your undivided attention?'_

"This morning when we left for work together?"

The fucker had the gall to roll his eyes. "I mean really talked, Bella. When was the last time we laughed together? Watched a movie together? Went anywhere together?"

"We share a life together, Jasper."

"We share an apartment, Bella," the fucker smirked, "that's about it. We haven't even…"

'_Lately, Esme, you've been too tired to even…'_

The asshole's face burned in embarrassment, and I withheld a bitter chuckle because yeah, it was obvious what he'd been about to say; fucking, mind-blowingly ridiculous that after what he'd just been caught doing, _that_ was what made him turn red.

And yeah, in the back of my mind, as I watched this eerily reminiscent scene unfold, I wondered if my father…if Carlisle turned red as he delivered _his_ ridiculous excuses. By then, I'd been in my room, listening to a conversation I wasn't supposed to hear after witnessing a scene I was never supposed to witness.

Based on Bella's acidic chuckle, she found her husband's reasoning ridiculous as well.

"Oh, don't worry. I informed your little tramp myself just a short while earlier, when I thought she was my friend, that you and I haven't had sex in almost three months."

Yet more gasps.

"It's because he loves _me_, Bella," Alice shouted. "Not you."

Ignoring Alice's acerbic provocation, Bella bravely wore on, though it was obvious the fucker she called her husband didn't deserve her courage or her willingness to fight for him, to set aside the mortification Alice's verbal attack had to be causing her in order to focus on _him_.

"Is that true, Jasper?" she asked, struggling to maintain her once musical voice steady. Because yes, in the back of my mind, I'd already extrapolated that not only was the author of the awe-inspiring articles, she was also the owner of the musical voice. "Do you love her?"

The motherfucker merely held her gaze.

"Answer me, Jasper," she pleaded, fisting her long, dark hair. "Tell me if it's true. Was this all a mistake, Jasper, caused by the stress we've been under?"

She was forgiving enough to give him an out, if like my father, he asked for one.

'_It was all the stress, and it was a mistake, Esme, I swear it, and it only happened once.'_

"We can work through it if that's the case."

As the motherfucker kept staring at her silently, in my periphery I saw my sister's growing panic at his obvious indecisiveness.

"We can work through-"

"He doesn't want to work through it, Bella," Alice hissed. "He doesn't want you anymore. He wants me. He loves me."

"Alice, what the hell have you done?" I spat. No, the motherfucker didn't deserve his wife's forgiveness, but Bella didn't deserve Alice's venom in addition to his silence.

"Be quiet, Edward, and mind your business," Alice snapped without sparing me a glance.

"Oh, I'd say this is my business, Alice."

"Jasper, talk to me," Bella continued, shutting out everything and everyone else. "Tell me this was a mistake. We'll work it out, Jasper. Just tell me it was-"

Jasper opened his mouth, yet it was Alice who spoke.

"It wasn't a mistake, Bella! Why do you think he suggested you two stop having sex? He doesn't want you. What's more, Michael doesn't want you on the paper anymore! He's decided to give me your office. Nobody wants you, Bella, because you've lost your touch. As a matter of fact, you've lost more than just your touch. So how could you possibly think Jasper would want to have children with you when you're such a freaking basket case? Two years of trying and you can't even give him a baby..."

"Holy…" The word was no more than a staggered whisper, too stupefied by the vitriol erupting from my sister to say more.

Though, I shouldn't have been so stunned. For too many reasons, I shouldn't have been so bewildered…so caught off guard by the impending explosion. For fuck's sake, averting disasters was what I did for a living.

I extrapolated from situations, made conclusions, and found solutions before cataclysmic results occurred.

Instead, in the fraction of a moment before Alice's razor-sharp tongue lashed out with the worst of her poison, I saw the snake poised to strike. Yet, even as I rushed forward, I was already too late. I'd waited too long. Like a viral disease, the infection that was Alice's mouth erupted into an outbreak of epidemic proportion, and the entire ordeal became one of damage control.

"…meanwhile, he and I have been together for four months, and I'm two months-"

Bella lunged.

Jasper stepped in front of a screaming Alice and received the blows meant for her.

"Someone call the cops!"

"No one call the fucking cops!" I bellowed as I reached for Bella and carefully wrapped my arms around her waist. "Bella, come here. Come here."

"I'm going to fucking kill her!" she screamed, struggling against me as she continued to try to reach around her husband, punching and smacking him, screaming and crying, all at once.

"Oof! Bella, damn it, STOP!" he shouted.

"Jasper, get the fuck out my way! I'm going to kill the bitch! She's pregnant! She's pregnant with my baby!" Bella shrieked.

"I've called the cops!" the doorman yelled.

"Fuck." I wrapped my arms tighter around her, tugged with more insistence, but Bella was lost in a haze of pain and fury. "Bella, please stop. Come here."

"Bella, you're making this really ugly!" her husband accused.

"I'm making this…? You want to see ugly, asshole?"

When she released him, I exhaled a breath of momentary relief- before Bella reached down and pulled off her heels.

Jasper's eyes grew wide. Alice screamed again, cowering behind Bella's husband.

"Jasper, the baby! Stop her!"

"Bella, put the shoe down!"

Again, I slid my arms around her waist, but Bella swung her heel around Jasper, catching his shoulder. Jasper roared in pain.

"Oh my god," one of the lobby occupants gasped. "She's gonna kill him! Where are the cops?"

"Bella, I know you're angry," I breathed in a rush, "but if he cheated on you, he's not worth-"

"Go ahead, Alice; keep hiding behind Jasper! I'm still going to stick this fucking heel so deep into your eyeball-"

"She's gonna hurt the pregnant woman!" Another one of our lobby witnesses exclaimed.

"Bella, put the damn shoe down!"

"Jasper, you cheating sack of shit, get out of my way before I use it to chop your balls into a million pieces!"

He grabbed her upper arm hard, wrapped his fingers so tightly around her skin Bella yelped.

"Hey asshole, you're gonna hurt your _wife_!" I unwrapped one arm from Bella's waist, balled my hand into a fist aimed at Jasper. "Let go of her arm before I-"

Bella threw back her head, roared…and flung the heel at the glass windows.

It was, as they say, a million in one shot. An entire glass wall shouldn't shatter from the force of being struck by a size seven woman's shoe.

Yet, it did.

A cacophony of screams, barks, and approaching sirens filled the air in midtown as a couple of handfuls of people rushed out the way of falling shards of glass.

For one, quick moment, everyone, including the four of us, froze.

"Holy…" Jasper gripped the back of his neck. "Holy fuck! You see, dude? That's why I was holding her arm! Look at what she did to the window!" He glared at his wife, who I held by the waist. "Damn it, Bella, now the cops are sure to come!"

"I don't give a damn!" she shouted back, reaching out and backhanding him with her shoeless hand.

"OW! Goddamn it! Stop it, Bella! Stop hitting me!"

"They can come and take away her dead body _and_ yours once I'm done with you both!"

Again, she lunged for him, but this time, I managed to pull her away from him and held onto her tightly.

"You cheating bastard!"

"Bella, stop! You're acting like a lunatic!"

"Bella?" I said carefully, the sound of nearing sirens filling my ears. "Bella, come here. They're not worth it. I know you're angry, but they're not worth your getting in trouble. Come here. That's right."

"They lied to me!"

When she began sobbing again, I pulled her entire body against me…and her hands fell to her sides.

"I know, but I've got you."

"I'm going to kill them both," she cried with more pain than conviction.

"You have to try to stop saying that, okay?" I whispered in her ear. "Security called the cops."

"I don't give a fuck," she wept, hanging her head while the scent of her shampoo, her sweat, and her fear filled my nostrils.

"Shh. Come here." I held her enveloped in my arms, her limbs stiff, yet…she fit perfectly. And I kept murmuring while she wept uncontrollably.

"They're not worth it, Bella," I breathed. "If they did this to you, they're not worth it."

"They're assholes," she choked.

"Yes, they are. Come here." Her limbs began to loosen, all fight abandoning her. "That's right. Shh. It'll be okay. I promise you."

"I tried," she confessed, her sobbing more controlled. "I tried my hardest to be a good wife, a good friend."

"I'm sure you did." Outside, the sirens stopped their wailing, but the sound of voices communicating through walkie-talkies took their place. "But if we're here right now, they obviously weren't worth your effort."

"Edward, you asshole," Alice spat from behind Bella's husband. "Why the hell are you comforting her?"

Without loosening my grip on Bella, I glared up at my little sister.

"Because you're still a little kid who can't keep her damn hands out of the-

Bella whimpered, and a series of successive sighs took over as her tears slowed all the more.

"Shh. I've got you."

"I didn't deserve this, just like my dad didn't deserve it when my mom did this."

'_I don't deserve this, Carlisle. What did I do to deserve you doing this to me…to us?'_

I squeezed my eyes shut, dropped my head next to Bella's, our temples side by side as I inhaled her scent.

"Jasper, what the hell is she talking about?" Alice said.

The walkie-talkies neared.

"Uhm…"

"Shh. It'll be okay. Your piece of shit husband isn't worth your tears." Slowly, carefully, I pulled her with me and further away from him, trying to calm her as much as possible before the cops walked into the scene. "Shhh."

"Yeah, get her out of here, Edward! She's a fucking maniac! A fucking lunatic who belongs in the loony bin! Jasper and I would've eventually spoken to her like adults, kept it friendly-"

Bella's head shot up.

"Friendly? FRIENDLY?!"

"Bella, don't listen to-

Her arm swung back.

A sharp pain suddenly erupted from the middle of my face. It radiated outward…throbbed…and for two seconds, consumed all my senses. My eyes stung and watered. I tasted blood in my mouth. When I released Bella and instinctively reached with both hands to where her elbow got me, to where the agony originated, my palms came back painted bright red, warm and sticky.

"Oh, fuck," I breathed as I realized what had happened. "It's all right, Bella," I said.

But Bella's focus was nowhere on me or my nose.

A series of footsteps advanced, treading over broken glass.

"Officers, she's inside that building! That's her! That's the woman who threatened my son and destroyed his phone!"

"Officers, she's in here! She's making threats against a pregnant woman!"

"Bella, the cops are right outside. Please come here." Holding my gushing nose with one hand, I reached for her with the other but then drew it back when I saw the blood. "If you allow me, I promise, I've got…"

"She said friendly! FRIENDLY? FUCK FRIENDLY!"

"No, Bella, No! I've got you; I promise…"

She lunged again, but this time, a couple of cops grabbed one arm each, and together, they pushed her face down against the lobby floor. Both our breaths, hers and mine, left us in a rush.

"All right, Miss, you have the right to remain silent…"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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"**See" you soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

**Only one update this week, but it's a long one!**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 3**

In the midst of the bedlam in that lobby, the NYPD handcuffed Bella, read her rights, and all while she sobbed incoherently, uncontrollably, and obviously without any focus on a single word they said to her.

"Do you understand these rights, Miss?" one of the officers, the male of the two, asked. "Do you understand?"

"I hate them! I hate them both!"

"Jesus." I breathed in deeply and with a sickeningly rattling sound rising up my nasal passages. Nonetheless, bracing myself for what I knew would be excruciating pain, I pinched the bridge of my nose to stem the blood flow.

"_Fuck_," I hissed through clenched teeth as a wave of pain radiated throughout my face, cheek to cheek, and hairline to jawline. My eyes watered and stung. But I needed to be able to speak.

"Be careful with her. She's upset," I spat as the pair of officers hauled her up by her bound wrists. "I mean, is that really necessary?"

"By the looks of this lobby, I'd say it is. This pretty lady here took a left turn at Upset and ended up right at the main thoroughfare to Cray-"

"Hey, Cheney, why don't you stop being such a condescending, misogynistic dick and let me take over?"

The female officer must've seen something in my expression because her eyes were on me as she spoke to her partner and simultaneously stretched a palm out in my direction, moving it around in a '_Take it down a notch'_ sort of gesture.

"Fine, Weber." Officer Cheney threw his free hand up in surrender. "_You_ try to get a coherent reply from her."

"Miss, do you understand the rights we've just read you?" the female officer, Officer Weber, repeated, though in a much more empathetic tone. Yet, Bella simply kept crying.

"Damn it," I hissed shakily, taking a step forward, pinching my nose harder despite the pain. "She's obviously in no condition to be Mirandized and thrown in jail. Just let her go. Look, I'll pay for the damage, and I'll take full responsibility for-"

"No, officers! Don't let her go! I'm pregnant," Alice said, flinging the words out once again, "and she threatened me and my baby, _and_ she attacked her own husband!"

Bella's head shot up. The tears stopped, and the anger flared once again. "You goddamn bitch! You whore! That's my baby! I hate you! I hate you both!"

"Damn it, Alice, shut the _hell_ up!"

"Go to hell, Edward! She broke your damn nose! And she broke the lobby window!"

"And she threatened my son and broke his phone! She's obviously deranged and dangerous!"

"She's neither deranged nor goddamn dangerous! What was your son doing when he had his phone broken, anyway?"

The woman made no reply and having no time to waste, I turned back to the female officer, who appeared to at least understand the meaning of compassion.

"Look, officer, she's had a horrible shock, that's all."

Still, Bella's various accusers continued, and all the while, the officers attempted to obtain some sort of acknowledgment from Bella.

"Ma'am, do you understand me? I've just read you your rights. Do you understand?" Officer Cheney sighed and shook his head impatiently, pulling his transmitter close to his mouth. "I'm calling EMTs. Officers requesting EMT assistance at-"

As he spoke into his transmitter, I spoke quietly to Officer Weber. "Officer, she caught her husband cheating."

Officer Weber frowned. "She caught you cheating?"

"No! No, not me. Her husband."

Her frown deepened. "Aren't you her…you're the one here defending her. Who the hell's her husband?"

I jerked my jaw toward the fucker, who hadn't even approached his wife. Instead, he stood beside Alice, looking like a lost, confused fucking puppy.

"Hey fucker," I spat furiously, "how about you get your ass over here and take care of your wife?"

The fucker stared at me through large, bewildered eyes, mouth hanging agape. "Uhm…I…"

"Sir, are you _this_ woman's husband?" As she took in the way Alice clung to him, surprise and more than a little disgust was evident in Officer Weber's tone.

"Uhm…yes."

He lifted an unsure foot and prepared to step forward when Alice tugged him back hard against her side.

"Yes, he's her husband, but she attacked him! Look at the bruises on his face and the welts on his arms!"

"Is that true, sir?" Officer Weber asked. "Did your wife attack you?"

The fucker's Adam's apple bobbed, and slowly, he nodded. In my periphery, I saw Officer Cheney pull out a notepad.

"She attacked him because she found out he loves me," Alice continued without an ounce of shame. Instead, knowing I was related to her, I felt my cheeks burn. "He loves me, and we're going to have a baby," she shrugged brazenly, "and none of that is illegal; it's just life. But _she_ lost her damn mind and-"

"You fucking bitch!" Bella shrieked.

"Alice, you goddamn-" I snapped and turned toward the bastard next to her. "Asshole, this woman here is your _wife_!"

"She attacked my brother too! Look at his nose!"

Now, Officer Weber turned her attention back toward me. "Is that true, sir? Did this woman-"

"She did _not_ attack me," I seethed, dropping my hand from my nose and turning an irrepressible glare of warning toward her male counterpart. The rest, I enunciated slowly and clearly. "I received this when I accidentally walked into a fucking wall, and if anyone, _anyone_ here tries to say I didn't, or if anyone tries to write something other than that in their official report…"

Cheney stopped writing, looked up at me, and quirked an eyebrow.

"…I will beat the ever-living-"

"All right, sir, we get it, we get it." Officer Weber put up a hand to cut me off. "Cheney, Eighty-six anything regarding this man's nose from your report."

"But it's obvious-"

"Now, Cheney!" She exhaled in obvious exasperation before returning her attention to me. "Sir, you walked into a wall. We get it. Now, do me a favor and get a grip on yourself before we're forced to arrest you too. Yeah, it's a fucked up situation but sometimes, unfortunately…" – she flashed her eyes toward Alice, and toward Bella's husband, then rolled them and sighed – "the law is the law."

"Cheating assholes!" Bella bellowed.

"You're going to arrest her because she caught her husband cheating on her?" I asked in bewilderment.

"No, sir. We're going to arrest her for destruction of public and private property, for physical assault, and for making a whole lot of threats – and all of it in front of a whole lot of witnesses. I'm sorry," she said much more quietly to me before turning back to Bella. "Calm down, ma'am. Now, where are those damn…?"

At that moment, the FDNY EMTs arrived, equipment in hand, side-stepping shards of broken glass without blinking an eye. In their profession, much as in mine, part of their prep entailed observing and evaluating a scene of interest in a matter of seconds. In this case, the scene consisted of a screaming, struggling, and cursing woman. The determination was handed down by the EMT in charge while he was still approaching.

"She needs to be sedated and taken to the ER before she can be processed at the precinct."

"Aww, come on," Cheney complained, sucking his teeth. "That's even more paperwork."

"I swear to God, Cheney, I'll beat you myself if you don't shut it," Weber threatened.

The EMT in charge pulled his walkie-talkie toward his mouth as he set down his bag.

"Leave me alone!" Bella screamed, struggling against her handcuffs.

"She's in shock," I said. "Blood pressure and pulse are probably through the roof. Check her vitals before you do anything."

The EMT flashed his eyes to me as he knelt on one knee and opened his bag. "I plan to."

"Don't touch me! I'm going to kill them!"

"Relax, ma'am. We're here to help."

With a sickening sense of helplessness, I stood behind Bella. Leaning close to her ear, I reached for her handcuffed hand and lightly brushed her fingers.

"Bella, please," I whispered, "please try to stop saying that."

She hung her head…and cried.

"Shh," I murmured in her ear. "It's okay. It'll be okay, I promise you. I-"

"Thanks for keeping her relatively calm while I took her vitals," the EMT said as he straightened, long needle in hand. "We're going to take your wife to Midtown Medical and-"

"She's not my wife," I said, startled by the same assumption Officer Weber had just made.

He frowned. "Then, I'm going to have to ask you to step back."

"I'm a doctor."

"Are you _her_ doctor?"

"No."

"Then, step back, sir."

With brick-laden feet, I begrudgingly stepped back, and the EMT stepped closer. Bella screamed, and I squeezed my hands into tight, useless fists. In a matter of seconds, Bella went still, quiet…and swayed. They laid her out on the waiting stretcher, and in a few seconds more, they had her loaded and on her way.

OOOOO

"Julia, hi, it's Edward," I said from the back seat of a yellow cab.

"Edward, hi! I haven't heard your voice in so long, hon!" Julia replied enthusiastically.

I'd known Julia Hammond, my father's administrative assistant since I was about ten. Even then, she'd been in her early fifties – an efficient, intelligent, capable…and older woman whom I'd later figured out my father hired to replace his much younger admin assistant as yet another step in reassuring my mother of his continued efforts to walk a straight line. I snorted at the memory, even as I spoke to Julia.

"Yeah, it's been a while," I agreed hastily. "Julia, is my father still at the hospital?"

"He's here, yes," she said. "Although, he's in a meeting. Would you like me to page him for you?"

"Yes. Actually, no. No, that's fine, thanks. I'm on my way to the hospital now, and I'll speak to him in person when I get there."

"All right," she agreed. "Everything okay, Edward? Your sister called right before you and had me page your dad."

"Fuck, of course," I spat under my breath. Unfortunately, in my mental upheaval, I must've not spat under my breath as quietly as I thought.

"Well, you know your sister. She called here sounding all teary, but that's nothing new for her, is it? She's always known how to work your father. Edward? Are you sure you're okay, hon? You sound a bit strange yourself - _and_ you sound like you have a bad cold or something. Are you taking care of yourself, hon? It wouldn't do at all for you to catch one of those viruses you chase around the world."

"I'm fine, thanks, Julia. Actually, Julia, can you do me a huge favor?"

"Sure, Edward, if I can. It's not like _you_ ever ask for much. What is it?"

"A young woman is about to be brought into the ER by the EMTs and the cops."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Can you please…" I shut my eyes for a moment and swallowed, "can you please find out where they put her and call me back and let me know?"

OOOOO

"Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to sign in before you can go back there."

The young nurse at triage stopped me and offered me an apologetic smile as I'd tried to walk past her unnoticed.

"Is it broken?"

"Excuse me?"

"I guess that's what you're here to find out, right?" She giggled. "Silly me. Well, if it _is_ broken," she said softly, "you've got a couple of weeks to get it realigned before it sets that way. Either way," she smiled broadly, "no need to panic. You still have an extremely handsome..."

As she spoke, I glanced down at my bloodied, button-down shirt and recalled the throbbing coming from my nose which had become background pain over the past half hour, while I tried to figure out how to get to Bella. The cab driver's wary looks as he visually scanned his back seat while I paid the fare now made sense.

"No, I'm not here for my nose. I mean-" I sighed impatiently as I pulled out my wallet and from the wallet, my credentials – something I knew could wind me up in deep shit for flashing them while not on official business.

"Oh, CDC," the nurse said, eyes growing wide as she looked back up at me with less flirtatious intentions overtaking her features. "Is there somebody infectious back there?" She leaned in closer. "Should I be worried?"

"Massively worried," I lied, "unless you stay out here and calmly do your job while I go back there and check it out."

"Oh, okay. Thanks." She exhaled in relief. "I'll just stay right here then."

"Good."

Officer Cheney was spread out on one of the plastic chairs, typing his report. I passed him and turned the corner as calmly as possible, trying to radiate an air of authority despite my bloodied appearance. I expelled a breath of relief when I was out of his view…until I saw Officer Weber right outside the door to the room where Julia had told me they'd taken Bella.

She quirked an eyebrow, hand wrapping around the ball of her police stick as she languidly sauntered to meet me.

"I sure hope you're here to get that nose looked at and nothing else."

We held one another's gaze.

"I don't understand what's going on here. You're not Mrs. Hale's husband; you're her husband's lover's brother. And you obviously don't want to be mentioned in the police report and you don't want to add to Mrs. Hale's wealth of charges – hence, that invisible wall you claim you walked into. So, what the hell are you doing here, man?"

When I made no reply, she sighed.

"Were you and she carrying on your own little affair while her husband and your sister-"

I scowled indignantly. "Officer Weber, before today, I didn't even know of Mrs. Hale's or her husband's existence." Yeah, it was a bit of a lie, but at that moment, I wasn't even sure myself what the truth was. "And if you knew me at all, you'd know I'm not the type of man to fuck around behind someone's back."

She nodded slowly throughout my speech, then shrugged.

"Still doesn't tell me what the fuck you're doing here?"

"I'm a doctor."

"She's already got a doctor in there."

"Look, can I just-?"

"No, you can't. And for what?"

My nostrils instinctively flared and then my eyes watered from the fucking pain of flaring my nostrils.

"Will you go get that nose checked out?" she chastised.

I shut my eyes and saw Bella behind my lids – furious…desolate.

"Just let me see her for a minute and make sure she's okay. I just can't…I can't shake these images out of my head until I see her."

She shook her head from side to side. "You are one masochistic fucker, you know that? First, that nose looks like it's throbbing, and second…" – she exhaled – "that poor woman in there is in a hell of a lot of trouble. Why are you involving yourself in it?"

Again, I made no reply.

For a few, long moments, she scrutinized me silently.

"I said no. Now, I'm going to go find my partner," – she gestured down the hallway with her thumb – "and make sure he's writing out that police report properly, cuz that dude's a dense one. It'll probably take me about ten minutes or so…and then I'll be back. If you're still here when I return, all you'll have accomplished is warming the cell next to your friend's tonight down at the tenth. Understood?"

"Understood."

When she walked away, and I turned the doorknob and walked into the room, I stopped short. After such a long and bewildering fucking day, I didn't trust myself to keep my voice level, so I shut the door before I hissed.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Carlisle, who stood by Bella's hospital bed, took me in over his shoulder. "Your sister called me."

"Of course she did."

In three strides I was next to Bella's bed, nudging Carlisle aside.

Bella eyes were closed yet her head shifted restlessly from side to side. She was covered tightly in a white, hospital-grade blanket, her dark hair splayed out wildly over the flat pillow, dry tears streaking her pale cheeks. She had one wrist handcuffed to the hospital bed's metal, collapsible side.

"What the…what's wrong with her?"

"They had to sedate her, but she was too worked up, so they're delivering a stronger dosage intravenously."

"They're _what_?" I spat.

"Edward, it's for her own good. She was overwhelmed, to say the least. I'm told when she arrived at the ER she kept yelling something about a stranger. It was the only way to calm her. The police are aware. It's all being documented."

"The only way to…?"

My nostrils flared, which instantly sent a stabbing, white-hot pain shooting up the center of my forehead and all the way to my crown. Grunting, I dropped my head and stood perfectly still for a few moments.

"Edward? Your sister told me what happened. You should really have that-"

I looked back up at my father. "She's fucking handcuffed to the hospital bed like she's a goddamn- I mean, what the _hell_ do you expect? She caught her husband cheating on her, bare ass to the window, from what I gathered, with _your_ goddamn daughter!"

"Shh," my father hissed sharply. "Yes. Yes, I've…I've got the story. Now, calm down before you wake up Mrs. Hale and get her all riled again. You're not even supposed to be in here."

"And you are?" I retorted heatedly. "What the hell is the Chief-of-Staff of Cardiology doing in here?"

"I wanted to make sure she'd calmed down. The woman's in enough trouble as it is."

"And whose damn fault is that?"

"I'm sure there's plenty of fault to go around."

I shook my head slowly, snarling in disgust. "Oh, I don't think so," I growled through clenched teeth. "Not this fucking time. She's not getting off the hook that easily. That's bullshit, and you know it. There's only one person at fault here – fine; two because you fathered her. Make that three because the bastard husband who took vows to protect his wife fucked her friend instead."

"Jesus, Edward." In my periphery, I saw Carlisle scrub a hand down his face and exhale heavily, and then I looked at him squarely.

"I warned you. For years, I warned you that Alice was a spoiled, self-centered, self-absorbed, narcissistic-"

"Edward, stop. That's your sister you're talking about."

I shut my eyes and clenched my jaw. My shoulders felt stiff and heavy, hands rigid as I curled and uncurled them at my sides. Through a heaving chest, I attempted to regulate my breaths for one reason only; my father was right about one thing: this woman…Bella…was in enough trouble. The last thing I wanted was to get her into more by losing my shit.

"Since Alice was a kid, you let her run wild, let her have whatever she wanted without ever saying no to her."

"Do you think I knew something like this would happen," he retorted defensively, "that she'd do something like this?"

"Why not? Her mother did."

"Edward-"

"What?" I snapped, crossing my arms against my chest as I sneered at him. "Did you honestly think, considering the example she grew up with, that Alice would stop herself before she took someone else's husband? Did you think she'd learn self-control from _Elizabeth_ of all people?"

He raked a hand through his hair and swept his eyes away from me, but I saw the momentary flash of shame that flickered behind them. Unfortunately, that shame had never been enough to get him to stand strong with Alice.

"The issue right now, Edward, is that your sister is pregnant, and this woman assaulted her." He pivoted back toward me, gesturing with his jaw toward my bloodied, swollen nose. "And apparently, from what I hear, she assaulted you as well."

"That's the story that pain in the ass came to you with?" I spat. "It's bullshit; much like every other story she's ever told you. And if I hear her spreading that shit around, I'll give her the tongue-lashing you never did."

"Edward, the cops are right outside the door!"

I rounded on him. "I had her! Bella…I was _holding_ her…holding her back. I had her calmed; yeah, upset, of course, but she'd calmed down."

"She attacked her husband, correct?" Carlisle said with a detached, clinical tone that merely incensed me all the more. "Alice says he couldn't even pull her off-"

"More bullshit. I pulled her off her bastard husband even though he deserved all the jabs she was giving him. I had her calm because I knew the police had been called, and I didn't want her getting into any more trouble than she was already going to be in."

"Then, how did you end up with-"

"Your heartless witch of a daughter kept taunting her! Instead of staying the fuck shut after what she did, instead of cowering in shame at being caught bare-assed with another woman's husband-"

"Edward," my father whispered shakily, "I know this must bring up bad memories-"

I chuckled humorlessly at that one. "Your mistakes are yours to live with, old man, but when they affect an innocent woman, the only innocent party in this entire mess…yeah, that brings up rotten shit."

His face went pale, and he held my gaze for a handful of seconds before he turned away.

"It was her elbow that hit me," I said. "Because your daughter kept taunting her, and then Bella's elbow…it was Alice's fault."

My father sighed. "Look, yes, Alice was wrong in sleeping with a married man."

"And getting pregnant from him."

"Yes," he breathed tiredly. "Yes, and in getting pregnant from him. But what's done is done, Edward. She's my daughter, and she's pregnant with my grandchild – with your niece or nephew."

"I'm done with her," I said, without sparing him a backward glance, "and with everything and anything to do with her."

"You can't mean that," he said behind me.

"I totally mean it. I've fucking…" I raked a hand through my hair – a goddamn nervous tick inherited from him, "I've tried, Dad, to be a good brother to her even though her mother was the reason you broke my mother's heart."

"Edward, you can't blame your sister-"

"I _don't_ blame her. That's what I'm saying. I don't blame her, not for that, and I've tried to be there for her since we were kids. I've tried to build a relationship, fucking feeling guilty, thinking that maybe because we grew up separately, and then with all my traveling…maybe if I tried harder with her…tried to stay in touch a bit more even though she never showed interest. Why the hell do you think I was even in her building today? I wanted to say 'bye' to her before I left on my next assignment since you were too busy…remind her to call me if she needed anything, but after the clusterfuck I witnessed today?" I scoffed. "After I saw how deprived of any sense of decency and every bit of human sympathy she is," my top lip curled in disgust, but even that action hurt my entire face, "I'm done with her."

"Edward, you're angry."

"I'm fucking furious! And you should be too!" I spat accusingly at him over my shoulder, determined to bear the physical pain if it got my point across. Then, I snorted. "But, I guess you get Alice's motivations a lot better than I do."

"Edward, that's not fair. This has nothing to do with- look, I _am_ angry at your sister. Of course, I am! Jesus, do you think I don't see how horrible this situation she's created is? Of course, I'm furious at her." He paused. "But…the OB has confirmed the pregnancy, and the law is on her side. She was attacked, and she's my daughter, Edward. I can't just cut her off because of mistakes she's made, especially now. Someday, if you have children of your own-"

"Don't tell me if I ever have children of my own, I'll understand," I seethed. "Because if I ever do have children, it'll be with a woman who'll help me raise our children to know that you _respect_ your partner; you respect what belongs to others."

I heard Carlisle swallow. "I'm glad to hear that, Edward. Nevertheless, regardless of what she's done and her lack of respect, Alice is still my daughter. And if you do ever have kids, you _will_ understand. What's more, she's your sister, too."

"Pfft."

"_And_ she's going to have a child, which will be _your_ niece or nephew."

"I feel sorry for that kid already."

"Edward, I've asked Alice to wait in my office. The three of us need to have a family meeting."

"First of all, I'm not meeting with her. Second…where's Mom?"

He didn't reply right away. "I haven't told her."

Again, I chuckled. "You asked Mom to practically raise her, yet you've never included her in the decisions that matter."

He said nothing.

"Regardless, I can't even look at Alice," I said with complete finality.

"Edward…if you want to try to convince Alice to drop or at least minimize the charges she's planning to file against this poor woman, then you'll join me in my office."

I craned my neck around.

"You think I don't feel horrible about what's happened? I do," he hissed. "Edward, just as you acknowledged that Alice isn't to blame for the mistakes her mother and I made, Alice's baby won't be to blame for the mistakes she and…the father made. This child is going to need our support, Edward."

"Speak to her and tell her to drop the charges against Bella, and I'll consider involving myself in that kid's life if only to try to keep it from growing up and becoming an asshole like its parents."

"I don't know that she'd listen to only me, Edward. Alice is furious as well."

"Unfuckingbelievable," I scowled, shaking my head. "So Bella is going to wake up from being sedated and then go to jail for God knows how long because the great Dr. Carlisle Cullen is an expert at saving lives, but he never quite learned how to stand up to his brat of a daughter."

Carlisle's green eyes flashed in fury. For an immeasurable moment, we stood face to face, shoulder to shoulder. But…Carlisle looked exhausted. Dark circles rung his eyes. His blond hair, just like his daughter's hair, looked more silver than usual. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

If the erudite of the world could see him now.

He raked a hand through his hair and turned toward the door of the small, windowless room.

"You can't turn your back on this baby, Edward; neither of us can. Now, I'll expect you upstairs in five minutes."

For a while, after he left, I stared at the door, willing my legs to move in its direction. I was done with this mess; no longer caught in the middle of screams and glass shards and…

And there was nothing more I could do. It was time to go. I had a flight to catch – a nose to have realigned beforehand. My head knew all this…yet my legs were having a hard time obeying my head.

"Come on, Edward. Just go," I whispered to myself. Then, squeezing my eyes shut, I turned and headed for the door.

Behind me, the woman…Bella…shifted. She whimpered quietly.

"Don't turn around," I breathed. "You're done with this. You did all you could. Don't turn around."

Another whimper, softer yet somehow all the more painful. Slowly, exhaling through narrowed lips, I turned and walked back to the hospital bed, where Bella shifted restlessly, eyes still closed, dark hair splayed wildly across a pitiful, hospital-grade excuse for a pillow.

"Where am I?" she murmured groggily, eyes shut. "Where…?"

"Shh." With no conscious thought, I reached a hand out toward her, toward the damp, tangled strands which were matted to her face. I blinked myself out of the wayward action and pulled back my hand before I could touch them.

"Shh. It's okay…Bella," I murmured instead while keeping my hands to myself. "You're in the hospital. It's okay. I mean…it'll be okay again one day. I promise you."

Her left cheek fell against the pillow, head angled sideways so that I looked down at her right-side profile. Her lips were pouted, slightly agape due to the drugged state in which they had her. She had long, dark eyelashes that swept against undereye circles almost as pronounced as my father's. Her skin was an unhealthy pallor, ashen, pale all the more in contrast to her long, auburn hair.

"When was the last time you slept well?" I mused under my breath.

When she turned her head, slowly blinking open heavy-lids, her coffee-toned pupils, glassy and glazed, met my eyes.

"Where…who…?"

Before I could reply, she shuttered her eyes again.

"Bella…you're in the hospital, and I'm Edward. From the lobby. Remember me?"

She didn't reply, not right away, and I assumed she'd fallen under the effects of the sedative...

…until she breathed my name.

"Edward…"

Something deep inside of me expanded; filled every space and crevice between my ribcage and my lungs. I flinched in bewilderment, and her eyes opened again. She stared at me, or through me, her eyes rendering me immobile until she shut them yet again.

_"_Yes, Bella. I'm here now."

She went quiet again. Still.

"Can't...focus…"

I swallowed back the bile of outrage at the sight of her hooked up to an IV and a line for the sedative.

"It's okay, Bella. It'll be okay. I promise you."

Her eyes opened for a fraction of a second, drowsily, dark pupils dilated.

"Jas…Jasper?"

"No," I shook my head. That fucking bastard, if I had him here… "No. It's not… It's Edward. From the lobby."

Again, she reopened her eyes, managed to keep them open for two heartbeats before they shuttered again.

"Ed…ward…from the…what…what happened…to your nose?"

Despite the riot in my head, her innocuous inquiry made me chuckle.

"It doesn't matter, Bella."

"Is it…broken?"

"Yeah, I think it's broken, but don't worry about it. It doesn't matter."

Again, she was quiet.

"I'm frightened." The words were punctuated by a series of broken sighs. "…lobby…you helped…stranger…I'm frightened." Eyes still closed, she began crying.

"God, Bella. Don't be frightened. Everything will be okay again. I promise you. You were so brave, Bella; so…_strong_, and they'll never break you…"

Something moved in my periphery. I looked downward…her fingers fluttered, the hand not handcuffed lifted off the bed as if she was searching…reaching...

"Ed…"

I met her fingers with my own, weaved and intertwined them; soft, warm, and strong ones with mine, rough and callused. Her wedding band scraped my knuckles, but…

But her breathing evened out, her features relaxed…and the sedative took hold. Bella's nightmare, at least for the time being…was over.

I tightened my hold on her hand.

"They will _never_ break you again."

_OOOOO_

Emmett Face-timed me as I rounded the corner to Carlisle's office.

"Fuck," I spat as I answered. "Emmett, I'm in the middle of a shit-fest here."

"Yeah, you and me both. Good news, though. Wait, what the hell happened to your nose?"

Before I could reply, I opened the door to my father's office, and my vision literally went scarlet.

"Em, gotta go."

I wasn't even sure how I reached him, but I held Bella's bastard of a husband by the collar and up against the wall. His head hit the space between Carlisle Cullen's medical degrees. One shook, fell, and shattered.

From somewhere in the room, Alice screamed.

"You dirty bastard. You've been here in the hospital all along, and you haven't even checked on your wife?"

"My wife's insane," the bastard retorted. "You see the scratches and bruises on me! _And_ your damn nose!"

"She had _nothing_ to do with my nose," I said through barely moving lips.

The fucker snorted. "You want to tell the cops that, that's your business. But I was there, dude."

The fucker grunted as all air expelled itself from his lungs.

"Edward, stop!" Alice shrieked.

"Son, please," Carlisle pleaded with false calm.

When I finally managed to speak, my words seeped through gritted teeth, vision tunneled on the fucker's beady, blue eyes.

"Asshole, I'm going to tell you this once and once only. If you ever…_ever_ mention my nose and Bella in the same sentence, I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp. Am I clear?"

"Edward, stop!"

I shoved him again.

"Mph," he grunted, mouth curled in a snarl.

"I said am I clear?"

"Jesus. Son, come on," my father chastised. "Your sister doesn't need to see this in her condition."

I blinked a handful of times, for a moment thinking I must've misheard him. But this was Carlisle, in regards to Alice. Of course, I hadn't misheard. Shoving him one last time before I released him, I scowled at Bella's husband.

"You're not even worth it."

Then, I turned my attention to the other two, shaking my head in disgust. My father stood behind his desk as if this was a typical office visit, while Alice sat on one of the leather chairs on the other side.

"After the shit your daughter just pulled, after the shit she just did and said to the poor woman in triage downstairs," I said, pointing toward the shut door, "the woman who's married to this prick, who's handcuffed to a hospital bed, waiting for her forced sedation to wear off so that she can be transported to the tenth precinct, you're worried about this one seeing her baby daddy roughed up a bit?"

"Fuck you, Edward!" Alice shouted. "Why are you defending her? Why are you always against me?"

"Because you're a fucking NIGHTMARE!" I bellowed. "Because the shit you've pulled over the past twenty-five years – and some of them have been fucking doozies – pale in comparison to the shit you pulled today!"

"Edward, that's your sister," my father said.

"You know what, old man? The hell with you too. I'm done with you both."

"Edward…" my father sighed as I rushed toward the door. "Your mother will be here soon. I've called her to join us. This is a family meeting."

My footsteps came to a halt. When I turned again, Alice glowered at me furiously, and when I snorted, her expression grew darker. The snort morphed into chuckles, and then…the chuckles into full-on laughter.

"Do you see what just happened in this office, Alice?" I asked calmly once my laughter dissipated. "Matter of fact, try using that head on your shoulders for rational thought rather than for devious planning-"

"Oh, go to hell, you son of a-"

"Careful there. You of all people don't want to go there," I warned. Oh yeah; all attempts to maintain peace with my sister were out the window. "But as I was saying, think back to that lobby this afternoon. Throughout all that yelling and screaming which went on there, throughout all the yelling and screaming that just went on here between us…" I waved a finger between the two of us. Then, I pointed that same finger at the bastard who was still up against the wall. "Did that motherfucker open his mouth once to defend you?"

Alice's chest heaved.

"Never mind to defend you; to choose you?"

"He did choose me!"

"No, Alice, darling," I said coolly. "Think carefully. You were quick to speak up and choose for him…but he said nothing."

Chest heaving all the harder, Alice shifted her attention to the asshole.

"Jasper?"

The asshole held her gaze…and said nothing.

"Jasper, you chose me, didn't you?"

He rubbed the back of his neck.

Carlisle sighed.

"Jasper, tell him. Tell him, Jasper."

Again, I snorted. "You see what he just did to his wife? Little sister, one day soon, that's going to be you."

"That will _never_ be me!"

"Oh, mark my words. It will. You know why? Because you're toxic; you're a virus, just like your mother – your _real_ mother, not mine, not the one you've always gone around pretending is yours yet you treat her like shit. But you know what? I'm done feeling sorry for you and trying to help you."

"Thank God," she expelled. "Seriously, thank God you've finally realized I don't want or need your damn help or pity. Do you think I ever wanted your nose in my business? Maybe if you'd kept it out of there, it wouldn't have ended up broken at Jasper's delusional, psychotic wife's hand."

"The only delusion that woman suffered from was ever believing you were capable of being someone's friend. You're just like your mother."

"Edward, get the fuck out of my face!" she shrieked.

I snorted, shaking my head. "Jasper's delusional, psychotic wife," I echoed in disgust and then glared at the bastard, who still stood off to the side like a fucking doe in headlights. "And you, asshole, you just stand there while she says that shit about your wife?"

He glared at me but said nothing.

"Do you speak?" I asked.

"Listen, man," he began.

"You want to do one decent, fucking thing, one last fucking favor for your wife before you completely abandon her to her fate? Convince this one here," I waved a hand wildly in Alice's general direction "to show a shred of decency and shame for what you two have done, and drop those damn charges against her."

I turned back to my sister, whose chest heaved in fury.

"Do one decent thing, Alice. You're bringing a kid into the world. Do one. decent. thing."

I turned back toward the door.

"Now, I'm done with all of you."

I rushed down the hallways blindly.

"Edward? Edward!"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned around, unsure how much more of this day I could take.

My mother sprinted toward me. "Your father called and told me what happened."

"The real version or his bullshit version?" I sneered.

"I can read between the lines," she said softly. "I feel horrible. That poor woman."

"That poor woman is going to rot in jail because she has no one, _no one_," I seethed, "to stand up for her. And there's nothing I can do," I added miserably, hanging my head and shaking it. "There's nothing _I_ can do."

For a few, long moments, Esme and I stood silently in the empty hallway. Then, she reached up and cupped my cheek, offering me a wistful smile.

"Edward, I'll take care of it. This is all my fault. From the very beginning, I handled this situation wrong. I should've never…" she looked away, "I should've…" Without finishing her thought, Esme drew in a deep breath.

"Mom-"

"You have a flight to catch tonight, correct?"

"Yes, but I don't know if I can leave-"

"Go clean yourself up, and do what you have to do, son. I'll speak to Alice, and _I'll_ do whatever _I_ have to in order to make sure that woman doesn't go to jail."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for teasers, pics, and discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

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**"See" you soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken – Chapter 4**

* * *

**One Year Later:**

"Mom."

I stood and buttoned my blazer as she approached. She cut a striking figure in her elegant black dress and black patent heels, copper hair pulled back into a bun so that her diamond studs sparkled in the restaurant's dim lighting. Several pairs of eyes alighted on her; some merely admiring the modern throwback she presented to the fashion of the nineteen-sixties – her signature era – while some recognized her as the head of EMC Fashion House: talented, ingenious, innovative, and beautiful.

"Edward, sweetheart."

I, on the other hand, knew her as someone warm, generous, caring, and openly affectionate with those she loved and who loved her, truly loved her, in return. With so many unusual and complex facets to her personality, it wasn't the first time I found myself wondering why the fuck she remained with Carlisle Cullen after That Day.

And just like that, the fleeting thought of That Day a quarter of a century in the past whisked me away from the present and back to another day just as horrific, if not more so, yet much…much more recent. These days, despite the full year I'd had, and despite the distance I'd purposely kept between myself and all those involved in that more recent incident, it didn't take much to take my mind back to that day…back to Bella.

'_I've got you, and everything will be okay. I promise.'_

'_Edward…I'm frightened…'_

'_Don't be frightened. You were so brave…so strong…'_

'_Edward…'_

'…_Bella…they will never break you again…'_

My grin only faltered for a fraction of a second, but it was long enough for my mother to catch it as she slid her arms around my shoulders, and for her smile to falter in return. Nonetheless, I enveloped her and lifted her heeled feet off the ground, making her chuckle when I groaned.

"Hey, Mom."

"Edward, sweetheart, how I've missed you."

Her grip tightened, and for a few long moments, we held on silently. Then, with a deep sigh, my mother pulled back, and I set her and her heels back on the marble ground. Her hands still rested on my shoulders, and as she met my gaze, her eyes narrowed and zeroed in. With a snort, she shook her head.

"You never got it taken care of."

I offered her a careless shrug. "I didn't have time. There were much more important matters going on around me, which sort of trumped a stupid bump."

Esme brushed a finger lightly against my nose. "It's a bit skewed too," she mused, and with another sigh, she met my eyes again. "But that's the story of your life, isn't it, Edward? As long as everyone else is safe and sound, what's a little bump and bend in your life?"

There was no reproach in the statement; it was merely stated as fact, and when I neither agreed nor disagreed, she cupped my cheek and offered me a soft smile.

"Well, a little bump on the nose never killed anyone, and it certainly hasn't negated the fact that you're still the most handsome young man in the world."

"The fact that you're my mother doesn't bias you at all," I chuckled.

"Not at all," she replied. "Just look at all the eyes on you."

I leaned in closer and smirked. "Those eyes are on _you_, Mom. Come on, let's sit."

Pulling out her chair, I waited for my mother to smooth down her dress and sit before I took my seat across from her. As soon as I did, Esme reached for my hand atop the white linen table.

"So, tell me how you've been, sweetheart. What's kept you going for the past year? I can't believe it's been that long."

"Mom," I chuckled, "you act like I wasn't in touch with you the entire time I was away."

"Hasty phone calls in between dropped connections and occasionally allowing me to see you on a screen aren't the same," she grinned.

With a grin of my own, I indulged her. "Well, when I arrived in Costa Rica right after the…uh…" I cleared my throat, "the incident, I arrived to relatively good news. It appeared that the cough syrup which I'd suspected as culprit, with it being the only common factor between everyone who'd gotten sick, was indeed the cause of sickness and death."

"Oh, my goodness." Esme set her free hand over her heart. "Yes, I remember that."

I nodded. "Can you believe the manufacturers were using an industrial solvent, a component of antifreeze actually, in the medication?" I scowled, raking a hand through my hair as I recalled the handful of people who'd lost their lives. "More than a few people are going to rot in jail for that bit of criminal idiocy."

"It sounds like it serves them right," Esme whispered shakily.

"It sure as hell does," I agreed. "Sometimes, the law actually _is_ semi just."

The sommelier approached and introduced herself. She made small talk, took our wine order, and when she moved away, I continued.

"Anyway, from Costa Rica, Emmett and I were sent to Puerto Rico to investigate a Zika outbreak. The increased travel to and from the island as well as the above-average rainfall last year made it a breeding ground for infected mosquitoes to transmit disease. We spent a couple of months there, then a couple of months in Asia to combat the latest influenza strains, such as-"

"No, don't go into specific strains," she teased, putting a hand up between us.

"Fine, I won't go into specific strains," I smirked. "From Asia, we flew to West Africa to help the WHO with the Ebola outbreak they've been trying to keep under control for the past few years. We retrained much of the medical field teams on proper treatment and on the proper use of their PPE-"

"Remind me again what PPE stands for?"

"Sorry," I chuckled, "Personal Protective Equipment."

My mother swallowed hard and shook her head. "Edward, if I wasn't so damn proud of you, I'd spend every waking moment curled up into a fetal position."

"I know what I'm doing out there, Mom, and I take precautions," I said vaguely.

She squeezed my hand. "I know you know what you're doing, and I pray you're always careful."

"I am. I promise. Always. Besides, after a year on the road, the department director also seems to think I need to stay put for a while. I don't think I'll be traveling much until late in the year, for next season's influenza research. So, you can take a break from trying not to curl into a fetal position."

When the waiter arrived, we both straightened and provided our orders. When he walked away, Mom offered me another one of her brilliant smiles.

"Edward, I've always found your work fascinating to discuss, despite the inherent dangers. The fact that you're so self-effacing about those dangers simply makes you more amazing in my book."

I angled myself sideways and crossed my legs. "Stop it, Mom. You're making me blush," I said facetiously.

"Jokester," she smirked. "What I'm trying to say is thank you for sharing with me, even if you do keep the worst of the details to yourself." When she grinned knowingly, I chuckled under my breath.

"Well…I'm sure there are inherent dangers in your line of work too, Esme."

"Oh, yes. God forbid my scissors nip a finger instead of a piece of fabric."

I burst out laughing. "Mom, this is how I know I inherited my sense of humor from you and not from Carlisle. Can you imagine Dad ever making a joke like that? 'God forbid, Edward'" I said, mimicking the great Doctor Carlisle Cullen's voice, "'God forbid my surgical knife nips an aortic valve instead of a stitch.'"

Mom had to hold in her stomach from the force of her laughter. "Edward, you're so bad. Of course, Carlisle wouldn't joke about that."

"Of course, he wouldn't," I smirked, rolling my eyes.

Here, she offered me a melancholic smile. "He's missed you as well."

"Pfft." I waved a hand. "Speaking of fetal positions, he's got a grandson now." I grinned wryly. "I can't believe they named that poor kid after his whipped, useless, piece-of-shit father. I mean, as if the kid isn't gonna have enough hurdles to jump just by being sired by that fucker and birthed by that witch. Jasper Junior." I shuddered. "And she took our cousin James' name as the kid's middle name? Jamie doesn't even like her."

My mother chuckled, covering her mouth as if she could hide it. "You're so bad, honey. He is the sweetest little boy, though; five months old now, and none of it is his-"

"None of it is his fault. Yes, I know the party line. So how is the stolen, little family? Are they living their happily ever after?"

Esme sighed. "They seem to fight a lot, and by 'they' I mean Alice. He…Jasper doesn't say much. He seems happy about his son, but even that…the man always looks dazed – like a deer caught in headlights."

"Where Alice is the headlights." I chuckled coldly. "Yeah, that's how _I_ read him once."

Esme eyed me speculatively. "Nonetheless, darling, what I really want to know…I asked you a few minutes ago how you've been and what's kept-"

The sommelier appeared with a bright smile, a brilliantly white serving towel draped over one arm, and a bottle of one of the best vintages the restaurant had to offer in the other. She was a slim, petite woman, perhaps in about her mid to late twenties, with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, and dark eyes framed by a smooth complexion. And if it wasn't for the fact that her manner and conversation were way too bubbly, she may have reminded me of someone else. Then again, it didn't take much to remind me of that someone else.

The sommelier conversed excitedly and pleasantly as she filled our goblets and simultaneously filled us in on the vintage's background information. She stuck around for a bit, eyeing us expectantly as Esme and I swirled our glasses, and offering a broad grin as we brought the goblets to our mouths.

"Well?"

"It's delicious. Thank you, miss," I said.

"Yes, wonderful. Thank you, _Irina_," my mother said.

Nonetheless, the sommelier appeared somewhat dissatisfied.

"Is there anything else I may get for you?" she asked, eyes on me. "Anything at all?"

"Mom?"

My mom shook her head.

"Then, I think we're good for now. Thanks once again, miss."

"Yes, thank you once again, _Irina_," my mother said with a smile.

"What do you think we did wrong?" I whispered as the sommelier departed with a half-hearted smile not nearly as excited as the one she'd sported earlier. "Did we swirl wrong? Now that there is Dad's field of expertise," I grinned, exaggerating my swirl.

"Oh, Edward." Mom chuckled quietly. "For someone so observant, sometimes you can be so thoroughly unobservant. It makes me wonder about…"

"What makes you wonder about what?"

She shook her head and smiled behind the rim of her goblet. "Never mind."

For a handful of minutes, we sipped our wine and carried on small talk. When I finished my first serving, I cleared my throat and poured myself another glass, keeping my eyes on the goblet.

"Mom, there are a couple of things…" I drew in a deep breath and squared my shoulders. "First, I want to thank you for what you did last year for…for Bella."

When I looked up, Esme held my gaze steadily, elbow on the table and goblet held loosely in one hand.

"I wish I could've done more, Edward, but considering the charges she faced, the accusations that Alice and Mrs. Hale's-"

"You mean 'Bella.'" I clarified. "You _did_ mention Alice's bastard of a boyfriend divorced her. Correct?"

Esme nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, I did mention that. On that day in the lobby, Bella's own husband – at the time," she qualified, "made accusations against her. There were also accusations made by a strange woman who was upset because Bella apparently yelled curse words at her son and destroyed his cell phone." Esme sighed. "And like I said, there was Alice."

'_No, officers, don't let her go! I'm pregnant, and she threatened me and my baby, and she attacked her own husband!'_

'_And she broke the lobby window!'_

'_And she threatened my son and broke his phone! She's obviously deranged and dangerous!'_

"Edward?"

Blinking, I shook the shitty memory out of my head. "I'm sorry, what?"

Esme's eyes narrowed. "I was saying there was just no way to get her off without punishment; in her case, therapy. It took me all night to talk a modicum of sense into your sister, and by the time I arrived at the precinct, Bella's father had already bailed her out, which all things considered was for the best. I doubt either one of them would've wanted to see me or any reminder of Alice. I did speak with Officer Weber- do you remember her? She said you and she…had a couple of conversations that day?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I remember Officer Weber," I replied vaguely.

"She said she kept a close eye on Bella throughout the night…snuck her a sandwich and some blankets." Esme whispered conspiratorially as if the NYPD was at the table next to us. "And since it happened to be a slow night overall, thank goodness, she was able to place Bella in a holding cell by herself."

"Lovely. Did they serve her tea as well?" I grinned sarcastically. But then I shook my head and snarled. "It doesn't make any of it better. None of it could've made the night less unbearable when she didn't deserve to be there in the first place," I spat. "She didn't deserve any of what those assholes put her through."

Esme held my gaze. "Edward, I wasn't there-"

My eyes flashed in outrage. "What's the hell does that mean? Because you weren't there, you don't know whether she deserved what happened or not?" I leaned sharply across the table and bounced a finger against the linen-dressed table, in turn making the silverware jump. "Did _you_ deserve it when it was you? Are there any circumstances under which you would've deserved it?"

"Edward, that's not fair," she breathed, reaching for my hand, but as much as remorse already gnawed at me for speaking to my mother that way, it was trumped by my indignation on behalf of Bella. I pulled my hand out of her reach.

Esme spoke slowly and carefully. "That's not what I was about to say, Edward. What I was going to say is I wasn't there…but I can imagine the pain that poor woman felt that day." This time, when she reached for my hand, I allowed her to take it. "My heart went out to her, Edward, truly. And over the past year, I've wondered…many things, including which is worse: seeing it yourself…or knowing your seven-year-old son saw it?"

"Assholes," I gritted through my teeth.

Esme snorted. "The point is, sweetheart, it's taken me a while, but…I realize now that what I deceived myself into thinking was strength on that day, on My Day, strength for fighting to keep our family together despite Elizabeth's…and your father's betrayal, was really weakness."

I glared down at our hands. "I suppose you thought you were making the best decision for all involved."

She reached out and cupped my jaw, waiting for me to meet her eyes. "Thank you so much for always standing by me, sweetheart," she choked, "but did I really think that? I don't know. All I know is that for the past year, ever since Mrs. …Bella handled her day her way, I've replayed My Day my way almost nightly, and in this replay, I yelled, screamed, cursed, shouted…and I threw things, and instead of tucking you into bed and promising you everything would be fine in the morning…"

"Mom…"

"Instead of doing that, I pulled you into my arms," she said in a strangled whisper, "and I cried with you, and I made sure that you knew that you would always be my priority, that you came before our reputations in society, you came before my struggling fashion house, and you came before your father's growing career. And when Alice was born-"

"Mom, it doesn't matter now."

"It does, Edward. It matters because I know, as a woman, that Bella's fury must've come from somewhere deeper than what she saw That Day. And it matters because that same day, when I saw you rush out of your father's office in a rage, when I cupped your cheek and forced you to meet my gaze, I forced myself to acknowledge the damage I'd caused when it was me in Bella's place a quarter of a century ago. So, when Alice was born," she continued, "instead of pretending the entire event was a blessing, I should've sat with you and reminded you that _you_ were the only completely innocent being in the entire situation and that Alice would be as much…or as little a part of your life as you wanted it, and only if she were brought up…if I were allowed to instill our values in her instead of being nothing more than a part-time babysitter."

I snorted and shook my head. "What about her mother? What about Elizabeth? Shouldn't she bear any of the blame here?"

"It was my job, as mother to Alice's half-brother, to make sure that Alice never grew up into a person who would one day hurt her brother with her actions."

"It was just a broken nose," I muttered.

For one long moment, Esme held my gaze.

"Edward, what happened in that lobby a year ago was simply the result of my own mistakes. I should've...could've handled everything so differently, and perhaps, I could've kept that young woman from experiencing something so horrific. You know what The Butterfly Effect is, right?"

"More or less. Something to do with Chaos Theory."

"One minuscule change in a complex system can have reverberating effects…a man stops for a sandwich and triggers two world wars, another man's application to art school is rejected, and he lives on in infamy…a woman finally finds herself and…and the tongue-lashing I gave Alice in your father's office together with the threats I made were the least I could do to make up for my own mistakes."

For a long while, we were both quiet. The waiter delivered our sizzling steaks. Its savory steam rose in rivulets and found their way into my skewed nostrils.

"Edward?"

Again, I blinked up at Esme, unsure of how long I'd been staring at my steak. It no longer sizzled.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Edward…" – her pearls moved along her delicate throat as she swallowed, "sweetheart, what I've mostly wanted to discuss…to ask you this past year, what I would never ask you over something as impersonal as a phone call or even a Facetime call is…"

"Mom?" I prompted. "What is it?"

She drew in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, fingering the strand at her neck.

"I've tried to explain my reasons for attempting to help Mrs. …for attempting to help Bella, but Edward, why, sweetheart? Why, a year later, are you obviously still so angry…so concerned…so affected by anything to do with Bella...Swan?"

The sommelier…Irina reappeared with a bounce in her step.

"Would you like me to bring you another bot-"

I covered my glass. "No, thanks," I said without breaking eye contact with Esme.

"Swan," I finally said. "So…that's her maiden name?"

Esme nodded slowly. "Alice happened to mention it the other day. She said she was glad to hear Bella reclaimed her maiden name so that when she and Jasper get married, she'll be the only-"

"I don't care, Mom." I shrugged. "I don't want to know about Alice's happy plans for the future."

"Then who do you want to know about, Edward? What's been going on with you, sweetheart?" she asked again when I failed to answer her first question. "Amid all those diseases, sicknesses, and viruses you've fought all year…what's kept you going?"

Drawing in a deep breath, I swept my eyes away from Esme. They landed on the darkened restaurant windows where, beyond them, people lived their lives as if there were no consequences.

"You know that Butterfly Effect you just mentioned, Mom?"

"Yes?"

I met her eyes again. "Maybe there's a reason why everything happened as it did, and we just don't see it yet. The butterfly hasn't flapped its wings."

"What's kept you going, baby?"

'…_there are two guys right outside, both dressed in Hibachi gear, chef hats, and dirty aprons, playing dice and smoking away the afternoon as if they haven't a care in the world…'_

_I laughed and laughed. 'You painted that so perfectly, I can practically see them.'_

'_Yes, I'm a wonderful story-teller…'_

'_Well, it sounded like a wonderful story to me.'_

_'I tend to get easily distracted by what's going on beyond a window…'_

_'I'm a wonderful story-teller…'_

_'Take care, Stranger…'_

She was an imaginative wordsmith.

_'Just stopped by for a bit. The hubby's waiting for me! Love the apartment, Al! I'll see you at work tomorrow!'_

She was a good friend.

'_You were supposed to be my friend! One of my best friends! And you're fucking my husband?'_

She defended what was hers, even when what was hers was a piece of garbage and didn't deserve her defense.

'_We've been having issues, Jasper, not goddamn lovers on the side.'_

She understood the meaning of fidelity, and she expected fidelity in return.

'_Was this all a mistake, Jasper, caused by the stress we've been under? We can work through it if that's the case.'_

She was capable of unconditional love – unconditional love and forgiveness even when the person she was willing to forgive didn't deserve that either.

'_She's pregnant! She's pregnant with my baby!'_

She wanted a family so badly she'd put herself through hell for it.

'_I've got you, and everything will be okay. I promise.'_

'_Edward…I'm frightened…'_

'_Don't be frightened. You were so brave…so strong…'_

'_Edward…'_

'…_Bella…they will never break you again…'_

'_Edward…'_

'_Edward…'_

"Edward?"

I shook my head. "A ghost has kept me going, Mom. A figment of my imagination…and nothing more."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for teasers, pics, and story discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

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"**See" you soon. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 5**

Two hours into my run, I pounded the pavement hard, foot chasing foot, hands mimicking their fellow limb's pace. Sweat ran in rivulets down my forehead and followed a path from nose to mouth to jaw before striking the ground and leaving a trail behind me. The damp shirt clung to my chest and spine. A quick glance at my monitor displayed a heart rate of 155 bpm. My legs ached, muscles beginning to tighten in protest, but I grinned up at the early September morning sun. It was still a potent one at this time of year. And with a series of deep breaths through narrowed lips, I offered up our morning challenge.

"Ready? Let's see who wins today."

Propelling myself forward, I shuffled blindly through my playlist until I found the right accompaniment to the task at hand.

'_We come from the land of the ice and snow. From the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow…'_

Faster, gaining speed, feet higher, faster…muscles loosening…faster…

'_On we sweep with thrashing oars. Our only goal will be the western shore!'_

I glanced at my monitor – 162 bpm – and at that exact moment, my muscles loosened euphorically, my chest expanded on a brand-new supply of sweet air, and a rush of adrenaline flooded me from limb to limb.

"Oh yeah, there it is."

I grinned broadly and, obeying my legs' command, sprinted forward at full speed.

"Yeah, baby. Yeah. Oh yeah! Woo-hoo!"

Fist-pumping the air while endorphins rushed through me, I pulled off my shirt and ran that way another couple of miles down the East River's deceivingly sparkling waterfront, from the Williamsburg to the Manhattan to the Brooklyn Bridge. When my chest heaved, I threw back my head, looked up at the early September morning sun, and gave her another grin.

"You gave it a good go, but today's _my_ day."

OOOOO

A few minutes later, I rounded the corner to my favorite coffee shop in the neighborhood. Beyond its convenient location a few blocks from my place, the shop also served a great latte - one of my few indulgences. The coffee shop was also full of large, floor-to-ceiling windows and situated in a spot with direct access to sunlight. Here, the sun wasn't blocked by the taller-than-average buildings that had unfortunately begun to pop up downtown. 'The Modernization of Tribeca' they were calling the event as if Tribeca needed modernization.

I pulled out my phone as I approached the shop and made a call.

Emmett greeted me with a loud yawn.

"Fucker, thanks for leaving me hanging this morning," I said, pulling open the shop door, bell ringing above me.

He offered me a remorseless chuckle. "Man, you run until you're ready to pass out."

"Correction: I run until _you're_ ready to pass out, and until I hit _my_ high."

"Fucking show-off," he snickered.

I smirked and stood on the order line. "Maybe if you cut off some of that bush you've grown on your head over the past year, it wouldn't weigh you down."

"Hey, hey, hey," Emmett protested. "Don't talk smack about the man-bun. The ladies like the man-bun. It's my crowning glory."

"_That's_ your crowning glory? With all your career accomplishments, the bird's nest you've got going is what you- Hold on while I order," I said. Meanwhile, Emmett roared with laughter.

At the head of the line, two of the regular, weekday baristas were taking turns ringing up and filling orders. When one of the two workers spotted me, she nudged aside the guy working register and claimed his place.

Bree greeted me with an abundance of enthusiasm. "Edward!"

I offered her a neutral smile. "Hey, Bree."

Emmett stopped laughing, but when he spoke, amusement still infused his voice.

"Uh-oh, it's Bree?"

Bree was a college girl, in her early twenties. She attended Pace University, not too far from here. She was majoring in International Business with a minor in Spanish because she dreamed of moving to Spain. Also, she loved to party, but she knew how to keep herself under control. She didn't have a boyfriend, but she was ready for a serious commitment. All this I'd learned in the past couple of weeks because along with my coffee, Bree offered up a plethora of these tidbits, pushing aside whoever was in her way so she could take _and_ prepare my order as well.

"How are you this morning?"

"I'm good, Bree, thanks. And you?"

"I'm great!" She bounced on her feet, eyes openly raking me over. "Looks like you had a _great_ run this morning. You're all…" she swallowed, "sweaty."

"I did. Thanks."

She stared at me.

"Is she doing the staring thing again?" Emmett asked.

I cleared my throat. "Actually, Bree, there's a line forming behind me and…" I gestured behind me with my thumb.

"Oh!" She blinked. "Oh, yes! Your usual, Edward?"

"Yes, thanks."

Emmett chuckled while I paid from my drink. The other barista, a guy about the same age as Bree, who always appeared much less enthusiastic to see me, peeked at the register and up at me.

"You want skim milk with that, right?"

"No! No, I'll get it," Bree insisted. "I know _exactly_ how he likes it."

Paul sucked his teeth. "Of course you do," he muttered, shuffling away in dejection.

"God, it's like a soap opera up in there," Emmett snickered. "I really should start getting up earlier."

Ignoring his comment, I took a seat on one of the stools by the main counter to wait for my latte.

"So, Em, I need to-"

"Did you run by yourself today, Edward?" Bree asked while she steamed the milk.

"Yeah. Yes, Bree, I did. Em, you've got to-"

"Your friend with the man-bun didn't join you?"

"She's noticed me?" Emmett asked. "I thought she only had eyes for-"

"No. No, he didn't. Not today." I returned my attention to the cell phone. "Emmett, like I was saying-"

"That's a shame, Edward. You shouldn't run alone."

"I don't mind it," I said. "Emmett-"

Bree leaned across the counter, coffee mug in one hand and pot of steamed milk in the other.

"Want to see a cool trick?"

"Uh-oh," Emmett said.

"Not so-"

Bree straightened, and with a series of confusing steps which I'd never recall, proceeded to prepare my latte so that when it was ready, a foam and milk image floated atop the mug.

"Ta-da!"

"What? What'd she do?" Emmett asked.

"That's actually pretty cool," I admitted, though the fact that the image was a heart made me frown.

"What'd she do?"

"I can teach you how to do it if you'd like," she offered. "I'm great at latte art."

"How to do _what_?" Emmett asked.

Bree placed the ready latte before me and again leaned across the counter, this time offering me an undeniably flirtatious grin.

"You know, Edward, I'm great at lots of things. I'm a great runner too. I can run for miles and miles. I've got loads of stamina."

Emmett howled. "Oh, she's laying out all them cards!"

I nodded and smiled coolly in return. "Thanks for the coffee, Bree."

"If you'd like company on your runs-"

"Bree…" I sighed and shook my head. "No. Thanks. I don't mind running alone."

She held my gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary - or appropriate. When she backed up and straightened once again, the flirtatious grin remained in place.

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know."

All the while, Emmett's laughter boomed.

"Kids just don't take no for an answer nowadays, do they?"

I raked a hand through my hair. "I may have to stop patronizing this establishment, regardless of the great, fucking lattes. And _you_ seriously need to stop eavesdropping on my conversations."

"I'm not eavesdropping when you can't remember to end the call," he countered. "Besides, why don't you just give in and-"

"Even if she wasn't way too young, I'm not interested."

"I was just joking," he snickered. "She _is_ young. But how 'bout giving someone else a second look? How 'bout that new Life Scientist in the office, what's her name…Maria!"

Maria was smart, attractive, had a great accent, and had a habit of saying things about me in Spanish while thinking I didn't understand and simultaneously offering me lessons.

"Seriously, Ed, how long has it been since you've been with a woman?"

I picked up my mug and gazed at the frothy heart.

Emmett whistled through his teeth. "So, it's been _that_ long, huh?"

"I made no reply."

"Which was your reply," he concluded. "We extrapolate, remember? Don't tell me it's been since Kate?"

I narrowed my lips and blew at the froth, watching the stupid heart scatter.

"So, since Kate," Emmett further deduced. "Man, are you waiting for it to shrivel up and fall off?"

I snorted. "Come on, what are we, teenagers?"

"Fine, fine," Emmett snickered, "it won't shrivel or fall off, but it will get sad." He chuckled but then quickly sobered. "Ed, what...or _who_ are you waiting for?"

Emmett was my closest friend, and for a second, I actually considered telling him about the woman who haunted my dreams. I sort of had told him about her back in Costa Rica, when I shared the events of That Day. He'd been almost as indignant on Bella's behalf as I'd been, and he'd felt the wrong done to her almost as deeply as I had - almost.

"What kind of woman are you looking for? You don't like the young ones; you don't like the bouncy ones; you don't like the flirty ones; you don't like the blond ones; you don't like the scientifically-inclined ones…"

'_You painted that story perfectly...'_

_'I'm a story-teller...'_

_'Take care, stranger...'_

'_Edward…'_

'_Edward…I'm frightened…'_

'_You were so brave…so strong…'_

"I like the brave ones...the strong ones."

"What?"

"Emmett, I called you because the director called me this morning and wants a decision from us ASAP. Do we accept the malaria job or not?" I asked, licking the milky froth off the mug's rim.

"Dude, you didn't-"

"Em, focus. Yes or no?"

"Asshole, you're the one who changed the subject. Fine. Ed, come on. Why can't they send in another team? That's romper-room shit they need doing over there. You and I are way above that pay grade."

I chuckled into my mug and carefully pushed it back so as not to scald myself. Despite his protests, I breathed easier. The topic we'd veered into hit too close to those thoughts…to that ghost who _still_ haunted me, even after two weeks home.

"True, but it might be fun. Em…I'm feeling restless."

"Ed, we've been back home for two weeks. How the hell are you already restless? What's more, only you would put 'Malaria' and 'fun' in the same-"

"A tall coffee, please, dark and bitter."

That voice made my grip on the mug slip, which caused me to overcompensate my grip, which caused me to tilt the scalding liquid back too quickly. The next thing I knew, my top lip was on fire.

"Sure, miss. What's the name?"

"Bella."

With a massive thump, my heart completely stopped. In the next second, it resumed at breakneck speed.

"Mug or paper cup?"

"Paper cup."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Bella, we'll call your name when it's ready."

"Thanks."

I remained as still as a statue, coffee mug held in mid-air, unable- no, unwilling to turn because, for the past year, the specter to who that voice belonged possessed me nightly. I'd thought returning home would take care of it, but home, her voice...her ghost had only grown stronger. Just last night, I'd woken from a bewilderingly vivid dream drenched in sweat and drenched in the fantasy of feeling her mouth on mine...her body wrapped around mine.

'_Edward…'_

'_Bella…I'll never let them hurt you…'_

'_Edward…'_

And then, I'd realized my mistake. Of course, now that I was back in the city where it all happened, everyone would sound like her. Until I could finally find a way to exorcize her from my mind, I had to get away. I had to find another job, another assignment to occupy my thoughts. In the meantime, I refused to give in to the madness by turning to doublecheck every time something reminded me of her.

"I mean, Vegas _is_ fun, I'll grant you..."

I vaguely heard Emmett's voice over the phone. Reopening my eyes, I glared at the wall and resisted the overwhelming urge which seeped through my veins like a drug.

"…and then you always insist on PPE, and if the day's long, what? We show up at the casinos in our gear?" Emmett snorted. "Yeah, that'll impress the ladies. Talk about the opposite of-"

"Bella, dark and bitter!" the barista called out.

Again, I squeezed my eyes shut. My breaths came in long and deep. I inhaled and exhaled them through narrowed lips. I'd finished a two-and-a-half hour run a half hour earlier, yet that hadn't left me feeling half as breathless.

"And then there are the showgirls," Emmett continued obliviously. "I mean, yeah, I'd love to see them, but…"

Behind me, the barista sucked his teeth. "Bella! Dark and bitter!" he repeated with much less patience.

No. I wouldn't turn because what was the logistical probability? Why would _she_ be in this coffee shop? What sort of cosmic joke would place the specter, the figment who tormented me nightly in here? Life couldn't be _that_ cruel.

"Remember when I flashed my credentials at the buffet," Emmett said, "and you got all bent out of shape because…"

"Bella!" the barista shouted, then followed it up with a muttered, "Whatever." The word was accompanied by the vague thump of a paper cup being carelessly set down.

"You talked me into it, Ed. Vegas, here we come!"

And with much more care than the barista, as well as with shaking hands, I set my own coffee on the counter and slowly spun my stool around. The coffee shop was crowded at this time of the morning.

"So, when exactly do we leave? Do you think I have time to brush up on my card-counting?"

There were business-attired men and women ready for a day at Wall Street. You could always recognize them by their matching, stressed out frowns. There were more laid-back career individuals who took a moment to smile and greet those around them. There were those self-employed individuals who casually meandered in and out, and then there were those who took a minute to sit, either in groups...or alone.

One of these individuals was by the front of the shop, sitting at the counter. The sun's rays streamed through the large windows and highlighted the woman's long, dark hair, which was up in a haphazard bun. Her profile was attractive, but her eyes were narrowed, and forehead lined by the intensity of her focus on some object outside. She wore jeans and a black-and-white striped shirt, both which looked too big for her frame as if she'd lost weight since…since the last time I saw her – if indeed, it was her. From here, I couldn't be completely sure.

Or maybe...that was my first excuse.

For one long heart-racing moment, I sat and stared at her as she stared out the window.

"Ed?"

"What?" I replied distractedly.

Emmett snorted. "What was the last thing you heard me say?"

"I don't know. Em, I've got to go."

"Wait, wait, wa-" I ended the call and pocketed the phone. Then, I stood and-

"Bella!" the barista called out once again.

The woman displayed absolutely no reaction. She just kept gazing through the window.

Perhaps…perhaps it wasn't her after all. Again, what were the chances? The truth was that I probably would never see Bella again. What's more, the Bella who visited me nightly in my dreams was simply a ghost, a figment of my overworked imagination, and even if this woman here was Bella, she would never be the woman of whom I dreamed.

"Where the heck is Bella!"

"Hey…Paul?" I said, reading the barista's tag, "Calm down, buddy. And can you do me a favor and make that drink over? It's probably cold by now."

Paul frowned darkly. "That's not my fault."

"I never said it was. The truth is that my…friend stepped out and asked me to pick it up for her, and I forgot."

"Fine, whatever," he muttered, chucking the drink in the garbage. "Hold on a sec."

While Paul prepared a new tall, black coffee, dark and bitter, the woman kept…staring out the window.

"Here you go, dude."

I think my phone vibrated in my back pocket as I made my way over to the woman, her coffee in one hand, mine in the other. Closure; that's what I needed. Whether it was her or not, she was _not_ the woman of whom I dreamed. _That_ woman didn't exist, and this would finally prove it so that I could move on. Maybe I _would_ invite Maria out for a cup of coffee, take her up on her offer of Spanish lessons even though I already knew the language.

Yet, even as I took the few steps toward her, my conviction vacillated wildly. What did she see through that window that mesmerized her so? When I glanced outside, _I_ saw nothing beyond a park, a few kids, some strollers. All in all, it was probably for the best if it wasn't her because what would I say? Seriously, what the fuck would I say?

'_Hi, Bella. I know I'm the brother of the woman who committed an unimaginably heinous act against you last year, but let's pretend I'm not and that we're just meeting for the first time. How are you? How's your year been? Oh, the nose? Don't worry about it. No biggie.'_

What. The fuck. Was the point of this?

If it was her – and I still wasn't convinced that was the case - she'd probably take the coffee from me and chuck it right back in my face or apologize profusely for the nose. I had no idea which option I dreaded more. And then what?

Either way, and then _what_?

But, it was too late for further speculation.

"Bella?"

I heard the slight hitch of her breath as she blinked away from the window. Dark eyes the color of fossilized amber looked up guiltily as if she'd been caught in the middle of a crime. But then, as she took me in, she frowned.

"Yeah?"

And yes...it was Bella – much more subdued, pensive, and…

And her one-word reply was curt and impatient.

"I think this is yours. I…" I chuckled nervously, glancing away from those piercing, amber eyes before daring to meet them again. "I heard you order it."

Her gaze narrowed in on the coffee cup. She made no attempt to take it. Instead, she scrutinized it, seemingly suspicious of its contents as if it might be poisoned; as if it might explode at any moment. I suppose, in her defense, considering my relationship with Alice, she found either option viable. And while she stared and stared at the cup, reading her name in the barista's short-hand as if she doubted she'd ordered it in the first place, I vowed that as soon as she reached for her coffee, I'd tell her to take care, have a good life, and I'd walk away. I'd walk away the way I should've That Day.

Because _this_ was closure, right? Closure for an incident I shouldn't have been involved in anyway.

"It's been out for a few minutes, and I didn't think you'd want it to get cold or you would've ordered it iced," I joked, trying to dispel the mounting tension because seriously, she just kept staring at the cup.

With no warning, she snatched the cup out of my hand.

"Thanks."

Turning back to the window without another word, she set down her cup in front of her and redirected her wary focus on the outside world.

No coffee to the face. No apology for the nose.

And this was my chance; the Universe's way of telling me to get the fuck out. Here was my opportunity to walk away having exorcized the ghost, the fantasy because this woman was _not_ the woman I met in that lobby last year.

Yet, instead of walking away, I found myself pulling back the stool next to her. Again, I took in the park across the street with the screaming and running children, mothers chasing them, fathers calling out to them. There were the women pushing strollers around the park, bouncing babies on their laps-

Babies.

'_That's my baby! She's pregnant with my baby!_'

"Fuck," I mouthed silently.

"What exactly are you doing?"

I startled at the question. For a few moments, I couldn't trust myself to look at her.

"I'm trying to figure out what's so fascinating about this view that would make one miss their name being called by the barista five times."

In my periphery, I could see her eyes on me, abruptly as focused as they'd just been on the window…on the babies. When she tilted her head sideways, I could tell her focus was now on my nose. I sighed and smiled softly, realizing I'd accomplished my goal of distracting her from the babies, but dreading what I was sure was a forthcoming apology I didn't want.

"I have a love/hate relationship with windows. On the one hand, there's so much to see through them. On the other hand…what is it about them that makes people feel safe?"

That wasn't what I expected.

"Do you mean physically safe?" I asked, eyes still on the window.

"No. Yes. What I mean is, people seem to think they can do the craziest things as long as there's a window in front of them."

Fucking Alice. And fuck motherfucking Jasper.

"I suppose…there's a false sense of privacy when you're behind a window," I acknowledged quietly.

"Yes. Take for example that man fixing his hair in his reflection and looking right through us as if we're not even here."

I snorted at her effort – and her ability – to keep things light between us.

"Or that kid who's got his ass pressed right up against my face," I offered teasingly in return.

She chuckled, a short quick chuckle, but my heart leaped at the sound.

"Windows tend to distract me and get me into trouble; so I really should end my love/hate relationship with them."

Again, my heart jumped, and simultaneously, my mind took me back to That Day, but a few hours earlier:

'_I got distracted with the view from her window…'_

"There really isn't much to see anyway, is there?" she continued with a deep sigh. "Just people scurrying back and forth, either completely aware they're on display or totally oblivious to the fact that their every move is being scrutinized."

And there we were, both of us standing on the precipice of that rabbit hole once again. There was no point in avoiding it, was there? We'd both fallen into it. We both knew what had happened. I opened my mouth, ready to acknowledge That Day, the incident, our…mutual involvement.

"So…you don't believe there's anything in between?"

"Nope. People are either complete assholes or complete idiots." Her stool scraped backward, and she stood. "Enjoy your coffee."

Once again, she left me dumbfounded. Before I could say anything else, she rushed out of the coffee shop.

For ten heartbeats, I watched her through the window, dropping her shades over her eyes as she cut a hasty path away from the coffee shop, looking at no one, for all intents and purposes looking as if she were running from her own ghosts.

Perhaps…perhaps _I_ was _her_ ghost.

Yet another reason why I should've remained in that coffee shop. But she'd forgotten her coffee - again. So, I'd give her the coffee – again, and _this_ time, that would be that.

She was at the corner when I caught up.

"So, how have you been, Bella?" I asked from behind her.

Bella stopped short and almost lost her footing. When I reached out to help her, the scowl she shot me had me think twice. In those two extra seconds of consideration, she recovered herself - with a vengeance.

"What the…? What are you doing following me?"

"I'm not following you. You forgot your coffee."

Once again, I offered her the cup, and she blinked in apparent surprise.

"Oh. Thanks. Again."

Without another word, she yanked the cup out of my hand and turned on her proverbial heel. No '_Tell your sister to drop dead,_' or '_Tell my ex-husband to kiss my ass,_' or '_Look, I'm sorry about your nose, but I never asked you to keep it that way to remember me by._'

And then it hit me. This...was all one-sided.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

She spun around with deliberate languidness, her eyes already narrowed into slits. They raked me up and down...with absolutely no recognition whatsoever.

"Should I remember you beyond the five minutes in the coffee shop?"

She didn't remember me. Bella Hale…Swan didn't remember me. The woman who hadn't left _my_ mind for above a day for the past year hadn't had me cross her mind – at all. How that was possible, I had no idea, but God, if it wasn't so sad it would've almost been comical. I'd spent the past year obsessed with her...and she didn't remember me.

And why the fuck should she remember me? What the fuck had I done to merit being recalled by her? Nothing useful, that was for sure. She'd spent a night in jail. She'd been passed down a sentence of mandatory therapy as if _she_ was the one who'd acted insane That Day.

Again, all things considered, it was likely for the best. Now…now I could _truly_ exorcize her. Because if the woman didn't even _remember_ me-

"No. No, I suppose you shouldn't."

"Good," she smirked. "For a second there, I thought I'd have to add 'Bad Memory' to one of my many issues. Goodbye."

She resumed her quick stride, but the masochistic fucker in me barely let her go a half block before I fell in step with her once again. This time, she threw up her hands as she rounded on me.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I swear, I'm not following you." I pointed toward my block. "I went for my morning run, had my coffee, and now I'm headed home." It was partly true.

When she glowered at me, I offered her an apologetic shrug and dug my hands in my pockets.

"I…was also wondering if you'd mind providing some clarification on that dim philosophy you just shared."

_Please don't tell me you're still that deeply affected by what happened. Please don't tell me you hold on as tightly as I do._

"No. I don't think I will."

She turned again. Again, I followed, and when she huffed in annoyance, I enjoyed the color that rose to her face. She'd seemed so pale back at the coffee shop.

"Look, you're starting to aggravate me, and I've been told I don't deal well with aggravation."

_Jesus._

"So, get out of my way before I spill this cup of not-quite-steaming coffee on you."

I grinned uncomfortably and raked a hand through my hair. "I just don't think everyone deserves to be classified as either an asshole or an idiot."

_Please don't tell me you're still that deeply affected-_

"Well, then you'd definitely fall into the latter category. Now, move." She held the coffee cup up between us. "Don't think I won't do it. Trust me; I've been known to do worse."

_Oh, baby, I know you would. And I'd fucking deserve that and worse right now_.

Nonetheless, the words that erupted from my mouth were far less remorseful.

"That would be pretty ironic, especially since I'm the one who brought the coffee out to you – twice," I smirked.

"My fucking hero."

And that right there was yet another opportunity for me to either come clean…or to leave her the fuck alone. Because I wasn't her hero. God knew I was no help to her. I never had been. So, when she raised the cup higher and quirked an eyebrow, I stepped out of her way. Yet, my mouth apparently didn't know when to quit.

"I'll admit, I'm strangely and probably stupidly intrigued by your behavior."

"I'm not trying to intrigue you."

"Yet, you do."

"Seriously, dude, you're wasting your time and barking up the wrong tree here, not to mention the fact that you're messing with my serenity. I am not interested _at all,"_ she emphasized.

"_Ohh."_ I nodded, playing along with her. "Oh, okay."

She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm not a lesbian; though it would've made my life abundantly easier had I earned the privilege."

I took a careful, deliberate step toward her.

"Well, from what I know," I said, thinking of Jamie, "the privilege is more one you're born with rather than earn."

"Yes. That's what my therapist keeps reminding me – court-mandated therapist, by the way."

Yet another reminder of the botched-up job I'd done at keeping my promise to her - a promise she apparently didn't even remember. Nonetheless, the fact that she didn't seem to recall my promise in the hospital didn't absolve me of my failure.

Bella quirked a challenging eyebrow, and I almost smiled at the fiery woman still in there. "Are you sure you want to keep following me?"

"I wasn't following you." I chuckled again, but there was no humor in it. Because what the hell was I doing? Seriously, what the hell? Why was I following this woman? There was nothing, no reason, no way. She didn't even _remember_ me for God's sake. And I knew that if I stopped to examine the full ramifications of that...it would be fucking painful.

"Bella…I'm sorry for…whatever happened that's forced you into court-mandated therapy."

She waved away what she believed a random bit of sympathy. In reality, it was shame...and cowardice.

"Yes, well. I'm about to be late to the said session, and unless I want to find my ass in jail again-"

_Jesus, Bella._

"-I need to get going. And if you don't want to find _your_ ass in jail," she snapped in warning, "you'll stop following me."

_Bella, I would've traded spots with you in a heartbeat if I could've. In a heartbeat, if I could've protected you._

With feet that felt weighted by lead, a thousand times heavier than they'd been on any run, I forced myself away from Bella. Because no, there was no point in this. Yet...for a moment, I thought I saw something flicker in her dark eyes, a modicum of disappointment at our increasing distance…a fleeting recognition.

But if there had been anything there, it was gone in the next second. When I blinked, all that remained before me was a beautiful, fiery...and righteously indignant woman. When I spoke again, I infused all my remorse into four short words that I knew weren't enough. Nothing would ever be enough to erase what my sister had done to her...and what I'd allowed done.

"Have a _good day_, Bella."

Without a reply, she turned and headed for the subway.

"And by the way," I swallowed hard, "there are those of us who fall somewhere in between."

Much like Paul the Barista calling out her name, she displayed no reaction to my words. For a long while, after she disappeared into the subway below, I stared after her. People came and went, erasing her footprints, yet I stared.

Then, I pulled out my phone.

"Emmett? Yeah. Yeah, we leave tomorrow. I…" Sighing, I squeezed my eyes shut and raked a hand through my hair. "I need to get away again."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, and discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter (for update announcements and randomness): PattyRosa817**

**The song that Edward hit his runner's high to at the beginning of the Chapter:**

_**The Immigrant Song**_** by Led Zeppelin.**

**It's a great song, makes you want to move. It also happens to be the theme to "Thor" (aka yummy Chris Hemsworth – literally one of the hottest guys in the world, if you ask me).**

**Anyway, lol, I thought it would be a fitting song today, considering **_**Avengers: End Game**_** hit theatres Thursday. I'm literally vibrating in my seat as I wait to see it tonight. AND NO ONE GIVE ME ANY SPOILERS! NOT EVEN OF THE "Oh, it was great! I really enjoyed it," KIND!**

**"See" you soon. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 6**

"All right." I raked a hand through my hair. "Good morning, everyone. I'd say we got through this one pretty well and pretty quickly. Now, let's review the case reports, make sure we're all on the same page regarding diagnosis, epidemiology, labs, entomology, treatment, and preventative next steps. Then, we can shut this one down and have an afternoon and evening to ourselves in Vegas."

A series of claps and cheers reverberated throughout the round table. Seated to my right, Emmett clapped me on the shoulder.

"And we can _finally_ hit those Black Jack tables?"

"If you want to spend your last full day here losing more money by the fistfuls…" I shrugged and left the rest to his imagination. "However, I've got better ideas for my free time."

For a split second, Emmett's eyes flashed away from me and to my left before returning with an accompanying raised brow and a mischievous glint.

"Such as?"

"Such as a hike around Red Rock Canyon. I've heard it's-"

"Edward, that sounds like a great idea. I love hiking, and I would enjoy seeing the canyons – _especialmente contigo_," she added under her breath, still unaware I understood every word she said in Spanish. "Would you mind if I joined you?"

Emmett struggled to repress a bout of laughter, and his brow quirked higher as I plastered a pleasant smile on my face and turned to my left.

"Not at all, Maria."

Doctor Maria Ramirez was an interesting woman: a scientist with an impressive background in entomology, which is why she'd been picked as part of the team for this job. Through frequent interactions over the past few weeks since she'd started working for the CDC, I'd learned she was highly intelligent, well spoken, acutely analytical and methodical when required, yet capable of divergent thinking as well. As a hetero male, I hadn't failed to note her exotic, South American beauty: petite, with long and straight Incan jet black hair, matching ebony black eyes, high cheek-bones, full lips, a well-proportioned body, and a husky voice with an accent she somehow made sound…hot. She had a sense of humor, as evidenced by her Spanish, side-quips. And she was nice to boot.

So, it wasn't because I found her lacking in any way that I sighed internally as her red-lipped smile widened into a tooth-sparkling grin. It was, perhaps, due to the complete contrary. I _was_ attracted to her – an available and obviously interested woman.

"Wonderful! I'll come knock at your room door when I'm ready?" – under her breath – "_Quien sabe como te encontraré?_ Or," she added, brightening even further, "do you want to meet at mine?"

But for about a year now, I'd been beyond attracted to someone else - someone whose personality traits and characteristics I'd extrapolated from a solitary and violent encounter over a year ago. She was someone who was way beyond unavailable to me, and who, other than for a five-minute, second encounter in a coffee shop almost two weeks earlier, was so unaware of my existence and thereby uninterested that my strong attraction was ironically comical. Yet, this honestly unknown, unavailable, unaware, and uninterested person was the reason I'd taken this Malaria gig even though, as Emmett correctly pointed out, it was below my team's and my level of expertise. But after that ridiculous, five-minute, coffee-shop encounter, where I realized how sadly one-sided my yearlong obsession with Bella Swan – formerly Bella Hale – had been, I'd needed to get away for a bit and clear my head.

"Why don't we meet in the hotel lobby? I've got to get directions from the concierge and take care of a couple of other things with my account anyway."

And I'd succeeded; I had. I was done with my obsession. If and when I ever had a third encounter with Bella Swan, it would mean nothing. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't even approach her. There would be no need, no reason since she obviously had no idea who the hell I was.

Maria's broad grin faltered before calming back down to a smile. "Sounds like a plan. Just text me when you're ready. _Tenemos toda la noche_."

"All right, Maria." And with another grin, I turned to Doctor Larsen.

"Doctor Larsen, why don't you take us through the cases, from the beginning?"

"Certainly, Doctor Cullen. Case One: On July 27, a man aged 35 years was admitted with a five-day history of fever, chills, headache, and vomiting. On July 28, _P. vivax_ was identified on a blood smear. The patient recovered after treatment with doxycycline, quinine, and primaquine. The patient is a plumber who reported working outside during the day but who stayed indoors at night. Case Two: On July 25, a man aged 42 years reported to the emergency department with a four-day history of fever, headache, chills, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, and malaise. He was treated with intravenous fluids and discharged with levofloxacin. On July 27, he returned to the ED with worsening symptoms and was admitted with a diagnosis of pneumonia. On July 28, _P. vivax_ was identified on a blood smear. The patient recovered after treatment with…"

Maria leaned close to my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "Edward, I'm really looking forward to this afternoon." She pulled back slowly.

"…The patient is a construction worker who reported working outside. Case Three: On August 18, a man aged 29 years was admitted with a thirty-day history of fever, chills, headache, vomiting, and intermittent sweating…"

After a few seconds, during which I could feel her eyes still on me, I turned and met her gaze.

"Me too, Maria," I whispered in return.

OOOOO

Later that afternoon, Maria met me in the lobby. She looked simultaneously prepared and cute in a high ponytail that kept her long hair out of her face, a fitted tee shirt, short utility shorts, Timberlands, and a backpack.

"Do you have a sunhat and sunglasses?" I asked.

"In my bag," she sang.

"Sunscreen?"

"Check."

"Water?"

"Check, check."

I chuckled. "Then, I guess we're good to go."

Red Rock Canyon was about twenty miles and a half/hour or so drive from the Vegas Strip. We held pleasant conversation on the drive over.

"But Edward, how did you know it was likely Airport Malaria, especially when all the individuals who contracted it had the _P. vivax_ strain common to U.S. cases, whereas _p. falciparum_ is predominant in Asia and _P. ovale_ is predominant in Sub-Saharan Africa?"

I gave her a sidelong glance. "You know your strains."

"I do," she grinned. We sidetracked into a discussion of each Malaria parasitical strain before we returned to the main topic.

"They were all outdoor workers," she concluded, "indicative that they'd all caught it in the same job-related place."

"Yes, they were all outdoor workers, who never came in contact with one another while working, only when they all visited a mutual friend, who had just arrived from Florida, where Malaria pops up in the summer months in the more swampy areas. Unfortunately, he'd carried an unknown, living souvenir in his luggage. But the good news is Malaria isn't running rampant in Vegas."

When I met her eyes for a quick second, her expression was full of admiration. I turned my eyes back to the road.

"Investigation is innate to you."

"I enjoy pulling a situation apart and examining it from every angle, yes."

OOOOO

For the next few hours, Maria and I hiked through sandstone rocks and fractured faults, which got their color from iron oxide - hence the name Red Rocks. We passed waterfalls cascading into the canyon, indigenous roasting pits from when the canyon was home to native peoples. There were petroglyphs and pictographs, towering red cliffs side by side with cactus trees, sage bushes, and Joshua trees. We took pictures of rabbits running after burros and laughed at the hummingbirds circling a big-horned sheep.

We stopped for a protein bar and water break atop a cliff overlooking a circling of desert wildflowers in purples and gold. Beyond the cliff, the sunset transformed the waterfall disappearing into the canyon into a rainbow of colors. Maria and I sat side by side a few feet from the cliff's edge, and as I bit off a piece of my bar and looked around, my mind wandered.

I wondered what _she_ thought of nature. The fucker ex-husband of hers originated from some hick town in Washington; I'd gathered that much over the year. I assumed she came from the same town. I'd heard and read Washington State had some gorgeous mountains and trails, though I'd never been there myself. I wondered if she'd ever taken a hike through one of the trails. Then I wondered if she'd ever been anywhere besides Washington and New York, and if so-

"Edward?" Maria said, breaking me out of my misplaced musings. Her tone made me suspect she'd tried to catch my attention before.

"I'm sorry. I was lost in thought." I offered her a rueful smile.

"I don't blame you," she replied magnanimously. "It is a beautiful, solitary place built for reflection and…" she grinned. _"¿Quién sabe qué más con un chico tan perfecto como tú?"_

I snorted and dropped my head, shaking it from side to side.

"Maria, I have a confession to make. I probably should've made it earlier, but I didn't want to embarrass you, and then I may have waited too long…"

"What is it?" she grinned.

"I understand Spanish."

"I know you do." Now her tone held more than a hint of laughter, and when I looked up, I couldn't help chuckling at the impish expression on her admittedly beautiful face.

"I should've known you knew. You're an intelligent woman." Swallowing, I sighed. "You're intelligent, fun, adventurous, and…attractive."

"I am glad we are, as they say," she said in her hot accent, "on the same page because I think you are an intelligent, fun, adventurous, and very attractive man…" - she leaned in slowly, black eyes jumping excitedly between my eyes and my mouth, chest heaving - "as I believe I have made quite clear in Spanish if not in English..."

And I remained perfectly still because we were in a great spot, and she was a great woman, with plump lips so close to mine I could feel her breath wash over me. But when I drew in a deep breath, Maria halted for a moment, and a slight frown marred her smooth, caramel forehead. Whatever she saw in my expression made her back up.

For a handful of seconds, we silently held one another's gaze.

"Why am I starting to get the feeling that despite what you just said, we are not actually on the same page?"

"I _am_ attracted to you," I admitted.

"But?" she astutely prompted.

"But, I had some…thing on my mind for a while, and I don't think it would be fair to you to start something until I'm sure I've cleared my head completely."

"You had something…or someone?" she again correctly deduced. Then again, we were scientists. Deducing was what we did for a living.

"Well," she said after a few moments of mutual silence, "I will not say I am willing to help you clear your head of _something_ else nor that I will wait around for you until you are sure you have cleared your head. I respect myself too much for that."

"I'm glad you do," I said. "Yet another trait for me to admire about you."

She chuckled. "However, if or when you are sure you have cleared it, if I happen to still be single, maybe let me know?"

Again, I chuckled at her teasing smile. "Those instructions were a bit complicated."

"As I said before, you are an intelligent man, Edward - _además de ser precioso,_" she added, fully aware I understood. "I am sure you will figure it out."

OOOOO

When we arrived back at the hotel, we took an elevator up to our rooms. When the doors opened up onto the tenth floor, we gave one another newly-awkward handshakes, and Maria went left, and I went right.

But I was restless, pissed off at myself if I had to be honest because what the _fuck_? What was I doing? Seriously, what the fuck was I doing? I _was_ attracted to her. She was fucking great in…so many ways. Why had I shut that down so fast?

After a quick shower, I went for a run around the Vegas strip to try and clear my head. Unfortunately, I was forced to stop before I got anywhere near my runner's high because holy fuck the desert was hot even at that time of night. So, I went back to my room and took yet another shower. Still keyed up, I texted Emmett.

**Em, checking to make sure you're still alive and staying away from them loan sharks.**

**Dude, I learned my lesson on the loan sharks in Monte Carlo, remember? But I did have a bad streak, so I gave up. I'm back in my room, down some Benjamins, but with legs intact. Where r u?**

**In my room.**

**With Maria? ;)**

**No. Want to go get some drinks?**

**Maria left already? You two are quick.**

**She wasn't in my room. We went to Red Rock, came back, she went to her room, I went for a run.**

**WTF? What went wrong?**

**Nothing went wrong.**

There were a few moments during which I thought he was done. Then the bubbles indicating he was typing popped up on the screen.

**Meet me at the bar. You're buying. I'm broke and this fucking trip was your idea.**

OOOOO

"So then she said, 'Buy me a drink?' and I said, 'I'd love to, I really would, but you see, I just lost all my money at the tables. But if you want to buy _me_ a drink, I'd be fine with that.' And she walked away from me. Can you believe that?" Emmett chuckled as we both took a drink from our highballs. "I mean, I thought women were all into that now? Buying the drinks, holding the doors open, breaking the glass ceilings."

I quirked a brow at him. "I think most of them are okay with having a drink or two bought for them – and maybe hold a door or two open once in a while as well."

Emmett laughed. "Oh, well. Whatever. We'll be home tomorrow anyway."

"Yeah," I said, staring into my half-empty glass, "Yeah, we will."

"So, tell me what went wrong between you and Maria tonight?" he said after a few more sips.

"I told you, Em, nothing went wrong. We went up to the canyon, had a great time, came back and went our separate ways."

All the while, Emmett shook his head. "Ed, you had that in the bag."

"I don't know what you want me to say." I chuckled and raised my glass to my mouth. "We had a good time."

"Did you kiss?"

"Not that it's any of your business," I said, smirking at him over the glass rim, "but no. Why does every outing between a man and a woman need to be romantic in nature?"

"Not every outing, Edward, no. I'm not that much of a caveman. But she's obviously into you with her '_Que papito chulo'_ here and her '_Que hombre tan perfecto_,' there," he said in his quickly-spoken Spanish. "And as if that wasn't enough, her 'Edward, I can listen to you talk specific strains for hours,''' he said, imitating her husky, Spanish accent and batting his eyelashes, "was a dead giveaway."

"You're an ass," I snorted. "We're both scientists. We're interested in strains."

"Which should've made it perfect!" he howled in amusement.

"I don't know how wise it is to get involved with someone who shares the same exact interests as you. It'd get a bit monotonous after a while, don't you think?"

He stared at me. "Dude, I'm pretty sure I detected interest on your part." When I made no reply, Emmett sighed. "Ed, I know I asked you this recently, but you didn't reply, and I honestly want to know. What. the hell. are you waiting for? This is a dry spell even by your standards."

Draining my glass, I offered him a shrug in reply then signaled the bartender for the next round.

"Edward, I know you've always had an issue with committing-"

"What?" I said, jerking back and shaking my head. "What issue?"

"Not in the player sort of way, no; more in the…dude, you don't let women in."

"'Course I let women in," I disagreed. "I've had a couple of serious relationships."

"Yeah," he snorted, "with the ones who were willing to do all the work. And once they dropped even a hint of hoping you'd take on some of it, they were gone."

"Kate broke up with me, remember?" I hissed.

"Yeah, because once she started showing signs of wanting something permanent, you threw up a brick wall. Don't forget I heard that convo where she wanted you back, and you were like _'hell no._'"

"Yeah, fucking eavesdropper, I remember you heard that convo."

He chuckled but sobered with uncharacteristic speed. "Edward, I know the shit that happened between your parents and Alice's mother when you were a kid fucked with your head."

"Pfft," I said dismissively, sweeping my gaze around the bar. "That was literally a quarter of a century ago."

"Yeah, but those things that happen when we're kids are the ones that stay with us. It's why you don't trust women, and-"

I flashed my eyes back to Emmett, and when I spoke, my words were admittedly sharp and defensive.

"I trust women," I snapped.

"Not completely," he continued, unperturbed by my growing agitation. "On the one hand, you're not sure which one will turn on you, and on the other…the harder they try to prove to you that they won't turn on you, the meeker they become, and the quicker you lose interest."

"What's wrong with wanting a strong and brave woman?" I challenged.

"Nothing at all. I'm just saying there's a reason you want a strong and brave woman. You want the chase but at the same time, you quickly tire of it. It's like you _want_ to trust, yet…you can't."

I stared at him long and hard. When the bartender brought around our next round, I held my glass up at Emmett and grinned crookedly.

"Em, How many of these did you have before I met you down here?"

He pursed his lips. "Zero. I'm broke, remember? Besides, I'm half Latino. Helps me hold my liquor."

I chuckled, drained my glass, and signaled for the next.

"Dude, you're gonna have a serious hangover come morning. Or maybe…that's the whole point. Maybe you're running from something, Edward, and-"

"What the fuck?" I snorted, nostrils starting to flare. "Em, when the hell did you become a head shrink? Maybe you missed your calling."

"Maybe I did," he smirked, and when he caught the bartender's eye, he made the universal hand-cutting-under-jaw signal all bartenders knew.

"Asshole," I muttered, draining my last highball.

"You'll thank me in the morning, white boy," he laughed, wrapping his huge hand around my neck and pulling me off the bar stool. "Come on, let's call it a night."

OOOOO

My brain split open on the plane ride home.

Or, at least, it felt like it did.

Emmett's teasing, taunting, and "I told you so's," didn't help. Nevertheless, there were a few, quick minutes during which he managed to suppress his amusement enough to bring up the previous evening's discussion.

"Look, Ed, I may have overstepped a bit last night at the bar. We were both a bit drunk-"

"Even your Latino half?"

He snickered.

"You didn't overstep," I said before he could resume the forthcoming and unnecessary apology. "You were…you were more or less right," I exhaled, "about a lot of things. I do have lingering issues with the scene I walked in on when I was a kid. I gave it some thought last night, and I see how it's affected my past relationships, yeah. And…I've had someone on my mind, but it's ridiculous, unattainable, and impossible for a myriad of reasons. And yeah, I did push Maria away because of her. But you know what?" I rushed out, grinning crookedly despite all my confessions. "I'm good now. Our talk last night helped me see what I've been doing, and this short time away has helped me clear my head of her as well. I'm good."

"You sure you're good, man?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure."

He scrutinized me. "Ed, you're fucked in the head just like the rest of us. We all have something. Why do you think I use my amazing wit and sense of humor to impress the ladies?"

"Because your father was a total, abusive asshole with you and your mother, and you need to prove you're the complete opposite."

"See? I'm not the only one who missed their calling. By the way, you look like shit," he chuckled. "And that crooked nose doesn't help a thing."

"Fuck you."

I shut my eyes and laid back my head.

OOOOO

Back in New York, I was determined to resume my routine: run in the very early morning, coffee shop in the later morning, and-

And there she was the next morning – the angel from my nightmares.

She carried a laptop around now. For the next few mornings, she sat by the window, a seat which I came to learn was her favorite spot because it had a clear view of the outside and the park across the street. Most mornings, she alternated between working on her Mac and gazing out the window. What was it she'd said more than once?

'_I'm easily distracted by a window.'_

She enjoyed watching the children at play. Often, a smile would grace her angelic face as a young boy giggled or a little girl shrieked. Then, she'd sigh and return to her work. She also had a habit of biting her fingers – her thumbs mainly, while lost in thought. Then, her face would light up with a bout of inspiration, and she'd return to her work.

One time, as I watched from the other side of the shop, an older couple came in and apparently wanted to sit together by the window. However, all but one seat was taken. When the husband gave his wife the lone seat and stood next to her, Bella stood and smiled kindly at the gentleman. The rest of the conversation I made up in my head based on the scene and gestures which played out across the room:

"_You can have my seat," Bella said._

"_Oh, I couldn't do that, young lady."_

"_No, it's fine, really." She waved away the older gentleman's concern and began gathering her things. "I was just leaving anyway." It was a lie because she usually remained in the coffee shop even after I left. Then, she pointed at her laptop screen. "As you can see, I've finished my amazing writing."_

"_It sure does look amazing. But are you sure you're done?"_

"_Completely sure," she nodded, smiling softly._

"_Aww, thank you, young lady. That's awfully kind of you. There aren't many young ladies like you left in the world. You see my wife here?" the older gentleman said, gazing lovingly at his wife before turning his attention back to Bella. "She was once a beautiful, sweet young woman just like you."_

"_It's nothing, really, but thank you." Bella grinned widely now and pointed out the window. "And you see those children across the street? I smile at them often because they're sweet children."_

_The older lady chuckled. "I hope you have twenty like them someday with a man who'll always treasure you and who won't let his dick twitch at another pretty face when times get hard between you two. Look at us!" She gestured between her husband and herself. "We've been together for going on sixty years now."_

"_Sixty years!" Bella threw back her head and laughed, and God…God. "That's beautiful," she said much more tenderly. "I hope I find someone like that someday too. Okay, have a good day!" She waved at the couple as she headed for the door._

"_You too!" they called out as one._

Seriously, what thoughts ran through Bella's head when she looked through that window? I wondered often. What words on her screen consumed her focus so much? Where had she been all this time? Had she been living around here since That Day, all while I'd been abroad? What was she typing? What words filled her creative mind? What world was she creating? Were there viruses and strains and bacteria in that world, or was it a Utopian society?

But then, I'd finish my coffee, stand from my own seat at the back of the coffee shop, and leave without a word or a backward glance.

Because I was past it all.

One time, Emmett finally got his lazy ass up at dawn for a run. Afterward, we ended up at the coffee shop.

"Man, is that what I think it is that Bree designed for you in that coffee?" He leaned in and peaked into my mug. "And are those measurements even humanly possible?"

When I shoved him away, he snickered. "I don't even want to know, and it's not funny," I said as I vigorously stirred the disturbing latte _art_ image out of my drink.

"I'm surprised you keep coming here," he snorted.

"They have good coffee."

Emmett took another sip. "It's good, I guess. But I don't know that it's worth dealing with that massive crush," he chuckled.

He kept talking, but my eyes wandered to the person by the window. And I should've kept my mouth shut. I should've.

"Hey, Em, you remember what my sister did last year. How she came about the fucker she's with now?"

"Course I remember," he said, his mouth twisting in disgust. "You arrived in Costa Rica in a fury – and with a broken nose. For days afterward, it was all you could think about, and I don't blame you. That was some fucked up shit you got caught in the middle of."

"Yeah. Yeah, it was. You remember…" I swallowed, "the woman I told you about? The fucker's wife – ex-wife now?"

"Yeah, she was at the center of it all." His brow furrowed. "Why?"

I jerked my jaw toward the window. "That's her. That's Bella."

Emmett set down his coffee and turned his eyes toward where Bella sat alone, at her usual spot by the windows. Her long, dark hair caught the sun and shimmered like spun silk. Also, as usual, she alternated between typing away on her Mac and biting the tip of her thumb while gazing through the window. Her coffee, black and bitter, went untouched and again as usual, forgotten.

"Oh, shit," he whispered. "That's your baby sister's baby daddy's ex-wife?"

"Yeah."

"The one who caught the asshole cheating with Little Sis?"

"Yeah."

"The one who broke a random kid's phone, the lobby window, your nose, and all while beating the shit out of her then husband?"

"Well, yeah."

"Wow."

"Will you stop staring at her?" I hissed after a few seconds.

Slowly, he turned away from her and back to me, one eyebrow arched.

"What, you're going to stare at _me_ now?" I smirked.

"Holy hell," Emmett chuckled, "where should I look?"

I rolled my eyes.

"She's...beautiful," he said, much more soberly. "I mean, don't get me wrong, your sister's pretty, but…" He shook his head. "The fuck was that dude thinking?"

"I don't think he was thinking with his head," I smirked.

"Or rather, he was, but with the one further south," Emmett snickered. He looked at Bella again. "Then again, she looks somewhat distracted and unapproachable; like she might bite off either head if someone dares come near her."

"Fuck you. She's focused," I said defensively, sweeping my gaze back to her. "What's wrong with that? She's been working on something for over a week now." I frowned. "I'm not sure what it is. Could be work? Answering emails? It's probably a novel. And she's way more than just a beautiful face. She's got substance. She's creative, and she's strong and brave. But she's kind too." I took a sip of my coffee, still watching Bella type away, and then I turned back to Emmett.

"So, when we get to the office later this morning, should we-"

He was watching me, his expression stuck somewhere between fascination…and horror.

"Oh, fuck no, Ed."

"What?"

"Fuck no."

"What? What's going on?"

He pinched his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Tell me you didn't."

"I didn't _what_?" I spat.

He reopened his eyes. "Is this- is she the 'ridiculous, unattainable, and impossible for a myriad of reasons' person who's occupied your thoughts for the past few months?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Don't even try to deny it, man." He chuckled, but strangely enough, there was no humor in his chuckle. "We extrapolate, remember? For months, you've been…and the way you just looked at her?" He discreetly jerked his thumb in Bella's direction. "In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you look at a woman that way. And creative, strong, brave and kind? Dude, that's the most compliments you've ever paid a woman in one sitting."

"That's not- I mean, I- Just because I-" With a heavy sigh, I set down my coffee. "It doesn't matter anyway, whatever you're thinking," I shrugged. "She doesn't remember me."

Emmett frowned. "What do you mean she doesn't remember you? Didn't you try to pull her away from that scene in the lobby?"

I returned my eyes to Bella. "Yeah."

"Didn't she break your nose in the process?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't you talk to her in the hospital?"

"She was…sedated, but yeah."

"Didn't your mom threaten to force your dad to cut off Alice unless she and her man dropped the charges?"

"Yes."

"Then, what do you mean-"

"I don't know. I don't know," I said, impatiently raking a hand through my hair. "She doesn't remember me. I brought her coffee over a couple of weeks ago because she didn't hear the barista call her name…and she had no idea who I was."

"Holy fuck. So, how did she react when you told her?"

"I didn't tell her."

"What do you mean you didn't tell her?"

"What was the point?" I asked. "Why bring up those bad memories for her if she doesn't remember me?"

"Uh, so she could apologize for your nose?"

"Why would I want her to apologize for my nose?"

In my periphery, I saw him studying me. "I guess you're right, especially since…look, you know you've got to get over this attraction, or whatever it is, especially if she doesn't remember you. There's probably a reason she's blocked you from her memory."

"There goes Mister Psychiatry 101." I scowled at him. "And you're not even drunk this time."

His ensuing chuckle held a bit more humor. "I'm serious. Dude, if she can't remember you, with all that happened between you, it probably means she doesn't even want to think about that day, especially considering how awfully you described it."

"It was a fucking nightmare," I said, raking a hand through my hair and shifting my attention back to Bella.

"So, she probably wants nothing to do with anything related to it, including with the brother of the woman who stole her husband."

"And who had the baby she always…" I said under my breath while watching her smile at the window.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"The point is, Ed, _why_ would you do this to yourself?"

I panned back to Emmett and snorted. "Do you think I chose to be attracted to the woman my sister fucked over?"

"Sometimes I don't know with you, dude." He leaned across the counter and closer to me. "Look, easy solution: stop coming here. You kill two birds with one stone – no crazy Bree, and no crazy Be-"

"Don't even fucking finish that."

Backing up, he chuckled. "Fine. Fine. You know what I mean. This is the only place you see her, right?"

_Other than in my dreams?_ "Yeah."

"Then that's it." Emmett grinned smugly at his incredibly easy solution. "You find another coffee shop, never see her again, and in a few days, a week or two at the most, she'll be completely out of your system, and maybe Maria 'll give you another chance."

"That simple, huh?" I smirked.

"Yeah, man. It is. Now come on. Let's get out of here. And don't come back," he warned through clenched teeth.

OOOOO

The next day, I sat at the other end of the coffee shop – again. Bella was in her usual spot, and even as I walked toward her and took the empty seat to her right, Emmett's words resounded in my head.

_'…find another coffee shop, and never see her again.'_

Even as he'd said it, the idea of it had twisted my stomach.

"What are you working on there, Bella?"

Unfortunately, I startled her. "Fuck."

She backspaced the errors which ensued in her document, and I hissed sharply, already full of remorse.

"Sorry. Did I make you mess up?" Instinctively, I moved in closer to the document, and Bella shut the laptop so fast and hard she almost caught my nose. When I turned and took her in, I almost lost my train of thought. Beautiful couldn't even describe her or the way her dark eyes sparkled with indignation.

Nonetheless, when I recovered, I offered her an apologetic grin.

"Sorry. That was intrusive. But what was it?" I couldn't stop myself from wondering aloud. "It looked interesting."

"Uhm, Stranger?" She crossed her arms against her chest. "You're so damn lucky I'm not fond of cops or I'd be screaming my head off just about now. I still might, so this little game you're playing?" She pointed a raw finger at me and moved it around in a circle. "It's at your own risk."

_Trust me, I know_.

Chuckling nervously, I backed up.

"Bella, I hate to break this to you, but this coffee shop has been _my_ morning pitstop for a few years now, so if anything, _you're_ the…" – I cleared my throat – "uhm, relative stranger here." Again, I couldn't stop myself from asking. "Have you been living around here all this time?"

"What do you mean 'all this time?'"

Fuck. Fuck, I didn't want to remind her of That Day.

"I mean, before a couple of weeks ago, I'd never seen you in here, and as I said, it's been my pitstop for a few years. But you've been sitting here, at this same spot, for a couple of weeks now, typing away."

"Do you even realize you've just admitted to stalking me?" she choked.

_Jesus, Edward_, I chastised myself. Why the fuck did I approach?

Because…because I could no longer stop myself.

"Once again," I grinned, "as I said, I stop by here every morning. It's not my fault if I notice you. And would a stalker admit to noticing you every morning for the past couple of weeks? Anyway, obviously, I've tried not to bother you, but…I guess I got too curious." I could admit that much.

"You know what they say about curiosity. And apparently, this place is a popular spot, which seems to gather a crowd around this time of the morning," she added with a pointedly raised brow. "So, maybe I've been here all along, for years, and you just haven't noticed."

"Trust me, Bella, I would've noticed," I said softly. But then, I chuckled. "But yeah, it's pretty popular with we who are termed Millennials, and who were born with a coffee cup in hand. So, you still haven't answered me. _Do_ you live around here?"

I was being an intrusive asshole, and I knew it. And if she told me to fuck off, I would.

Instead, she snorted. But when she replied, there was a hint of teasing in her tone and the ghost of a smile in her scowl.

"As if I'd tell a perfect stranger where I live."

I rolled my eyes playfully in return, elated by her playful response.

"I'm not asking for exact GPS coordinates, just for a general vicinity; a hint, if you will, of whether you're within a one-point-five-mile radius of here."

For a handful of seconds, she watched me, and I could see her debating with herself.

"Perhaps. Temporarily," she replied cautiously.

My heart raced. She was providing information, and the greedy fuck in me wanted more.

"What does that mean?"

"I'm sort of house-sitting for a few months. Some old friends of my dad's, a married couple from back home who moved to New York a couple of decades ago, asked me to watch their place for a while. They're both retired."

"Ahh." I nodded and sipped my coffee nonchalantly. "So, they travel a lot?"

"Not in the past, but they're making up for it with a vengeance on a one-hundred-and-eighty-day cruise around the world." She sighed softly, and just from her expression, I could tell how fascinated she was by the prospect.

"A one-hundred-and-eighty-day cruise around the world? Do those really exist?"

"It seems they do. They're visiting something like ninety-five destinations, places like The Panama Canal, Cape Horn, Alaska and the Aleutian Islands, Machu Picchu, Rio, Cuba, Ireland, Japan-"

"You realize you're mixing countries with cities and landmarks, and you're not reciting any of them in any sort of geographical order." I couldn't help laughing. No, she wasn't much of a traveler.

"The point is," she said, lifting her pretty chin high, "it works out conveniently for me and my circumstances."

_Circumstances?_ "How so?"

She didn't reply right away, and while we held one another's gazes, this up close, this calmly, in conversation with no negative tension, no anger, no hostility, I got a good look at those amber eyes with golden flecks that caught the sunlight and shimmered like dark topazes. She had a perfectly shaped nose, and sweet lips, and-

"Well, do you remember that court-mandated therapy I mentioned the last time you accosted me?"

"I wouldn't word it that way," I smirked while my pulse throbbed, "but yes, I remember the court-mandated therapy."

"It was in conjunction with a few other requirements, which thank fuck I've completed. However, the therapy was an eighteen-month mandate. I'm a year in, so I've got six months to go."

Motherfuckers. Those dirty, rotten, fucking bastards. And that poor kid who now had to call them his parents. I still hadn't met him regardless of how often my mom asked me to come over when she had him for a few.

"And at the end of those six months?"

And there went her gaze panning to the windows, to the park, to the children…to a life which was stolen from her.

"At the end of the six months…I'm thinking of moving back home."

I swallowed. Yeah. Yeah, it was probably for the best.

"Where's back home?"

She swept those hypnotic eyes back to me and frowned, one long line marring her perfectly smooth forehead.

"In general terms, of course," I added when she hesitated, knowing I'd already pushed my luck too far.

"Home is the Northwest part of the country."

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Washington State, and that's as specific as I'm getting."

So she did come from there like her bastard ex-husband.

"Why, do your issues with geography prevent you from being more specific?" I teased.

"No. My issues with stalkers do," she retorted on the heels of it.

"Okay, okay," I chuckled. She was quick. "So, you're a small-town girl." I teased some more.

"And? What's wrong with that?"

I put up my hands in mock surrender. "I never said there was anything at all wrong with that. It was just an observation."

"Are _you_ originally from here?"

I nodded. "Born and raised a city boy."

"Hmm," she said.

"And what does 'hmm' mean?" I wondered.

"According to my therapist, it means nothing at all."

I chuckled and held her gaze, hoping her real therapist was better than my armchair one.

"You're intriguing, Bella."

"And you're interrupting me, Stranger. I was just in the middle of a bout of inspiration."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that. It was fun to watch," I noted, downplaying my interest.

Again, our gazes held, but she blinked away quickly.

"Now, if you'll excuse me. I really do want to get back to this before I lose my train of thought."

"All right, Bella. Enjoy your writing and your untouched coffee. But I warn you; if I see you here again tomorrow, I might interrupt again."

And I would. I knew I would. Fuck Emmett and his shitty advice. He was no fucking psychiatrist.

"And I warn you again," she said, quirking one of those perfectly shaped brows once more, "you're playing this game at your own risk."

Yet…the warning held none of the vehemence her warnings from a couple of weeks ago had held.

"I kind of get that," I said anyway. Because I knew I was playing with fire, and I was the moth. And just like a moth, I reached instinctively to brush a long strand of hair from the flame's face and pulled back quickly.

I had no right. I had no damn right to any of this. Less than no right; I had no chance. What was the point? What was I doing?

I'd stop. Yeah, just like Emmett strongly suggested, I'd find another coffee shop and…stop. And in a few days, a week or two at the most, she'd be out of my system.

I dropped my hand and gave the tablespace between us a couple of smacks.

"Take care," I murmured, infusing the two words with as much meaning as I dared because I intended them to be the last words I spoke to Bella Swan. Drawing in a deep breath from some final reserves deep within my lungs, I picked up my coffee and stood, heading for the door.

"Hey, Stranger?"

My heart leaped into my throat. Swallowing, I turned helplessly back to the flame, toward her voice.

The soft smile that graced Bella's face was directed at _me_, formed for _me_, and it sent a burst of heat and…hope rushing through me, extremity to extremity.

"Since you know my name and feel so comfortable throwing it about, _and_ since you've already threatened to interrupt me tomorrow, _I_ should at least know your name; you know, in case I ever need to mention it to the authorities."

I laughed, more at myself than at her words.

"I'm _Edward_, Bella."

I waited with my heart still in my throat, unable to twitch a muscle. All the while, Bella frowned. When her eyes further narrowed, I drew in a deep breath, equal parts relief that she remembered…and trepidation for what that meant.

"Okay," she said. And waving me off in dismissal, she turned back around and to her writing.

And I stood there and snorted at the ridiculousness of the situation, at the ridiculous picture I'd make to anyone outside looking in – looking through one of those windows Bella always spoke about. Chuckling under my breath at the insanity of it all, I shook my head and made my way toward the coffee shop exit, knowing I'd return for more.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, and discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

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"**See" you soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 7**

'_Edward…'_

Instinctively, my mouth curved around her name. "Bella…"

'_Edward, I'm frightened.' Her head weaved restlessly from side to side. 'I'm frightened.'_

"Don't be frightened," I murmured. "You were so brave. So strong."

'_Edward…stranger…lobby…you helped…'_

My heart raced, equal parts hope and dread consuming me because if she remembered me, that meant I affected her as much as she affected me. But if she remembered me, that also meant she knew I'd concealed my identity from her on not one but two encounters in the coffee shop.

And yeah, while all these thoughts raced through my mind, I knew I was dreaming.

For one, we were back in that hospital room of the previous year, with Bella handcuffed to a bed, sedated, and mostly unaware of her surroundings. For another, the dream failed to follow the rules of the real world, where past events never changed. Instead, as often happens in dreams, this scene took off on a completely different tangent from how it all had originally occurred.

"_Bella, do you remember me?"_

_Crystallized amber eyes opened and gazed up at me. At first, they were glassy, but instead of squeezing shut in confusion, the amber grew more lucid, brighter, and finally fixed in recognition._

"_Edward," Bella whispered. "You came to the hospital with me. You stayed with me."_

"_Of course, I came. If I hadn't let go of you in that lobby, you wouldn't be here."_

_Bella offered me a simultaneously rueful and melancholic chuckle, lifting herself on an elbow and using her handcuffed forearm to support her weight. Long, tousled hair fell forward and over her raised shoulder like a dark, silk curtain. Reaching with her free hand, Bella lightly brushed a fingertip against the bridge of my nose. I watched the movement of her mouth as she spoke._

"_Does it hurt?"_

"_Not at all. In fact, it feels the complete opposite of pain right now," I admitted._

_She smiled, but her smile quickly faded. "Edward, you can't blame yourself for letting go of me when I broke your nose. It was instinctive."_

"_Holding on to you should've been my ruling instinct."_

_Bella's delicate throat moved as she swallowed, thinking through her words while two gentle fingers caressed the bump which had remained long after the fracture healed. Her fingers skimmed downward, and when she cradled my cheek, our eyes met once more._

"_None of it was your fault, Edward. Not what happened to me…and not what happened when you were a little boy."_

_Her knowledge of that other event was further proof I was dreaming, yet the shame and remorse coursing through me were real enough. When I tried to break our gaze, Bella steered my eyes back to hers with gentle pressure on my cheek._

"_There's nothing you could've done to stop or change either event."_

_I cocooned her warm hand in mine._

"_Bella, maybe I couldn't have changed what happened when I was a kid, but I should've been able to stop what happened to you."_

"_How?" she asked softly._

"_By keeping a closer eye on Alice."_

"_It wasn't your job to do so," she countered swiftly. "She's not your responsibility."_

"_Fine. How about this?" I asked with growing agitation. "I knew you existed. I'd read your articles. She'd spoken of you. I'd even heard your voice on more than one occasion – when you were getting into an elevator in her building, and when you accidentally answered her office phone. Bella…I knew you were out there somewhere. I should've looked you up, searched you out to…to warn you."_

_Bella quirked an eyebrow. "Edward, you wouldn't have searched me out to warn me. You would've searched me out to know me, and I was a married woman. Had we met, we would've been acquaintances at most because neither one of us would've allowed things to go further. I wouldn't have listened to any warnings from you. Emmett's right, Edward; sometimes, things are just out of your hands. You can't save the entire world," she murmured._

"_I wanted to save you."_

_She offered me a melancholic smile. "I know you did, but I'm not your responsibility either. It's not your job to be my hero, Edward. It's why I don't remember you. I've got other things to figure out, other needs; one of which is honesty. I've been lied to enough."_

"_I…I just don't want to upset you with reminders. That's why I haven't told you who I am. That's all it is," I assured her fervently._

"_Is that all it is?"_

_She angled her head sideways. For one, long moment, Bella studied me through dark, probing eyes. When she sighed and leaned in closer, the way her long hair brushed against the ivory pillow fascinated me; transfixed me until her soft lips grazed my nose. Her warm breath washed over me._

"_God, I wish you were really here," I breathed raggedly._

"_I know you do, but I'm not. I'm only in your head, Edward. You don't really know me. I'm just a figment of your imagination," she whispered, mouth ghosting back and forth. "I'm you talking to you. So, be honest with yourself here in your dreams if you won't be honest with me out there."_

"_Bella, what do you-"_

_Suddenly, she pulled back and met my gaze. "You're not concealing who you are for my sake. You're doing it for yours."_

OOOOO

I awoke with a hand over my pounding heart and a sharp intake of breath, feeling as if all air were being sucked out of the room.

"Jesus." Sitting in bed, I folded up my legs and grabbed and pulled at my hair to dispel the images in my head…and those last, hefty words from Bella. Thankfully, in the shadowy absence of light, the memory of Bella's accusing eyes soon morphed into the glow of city lights outside the open windows. I pinched my eyes shut and waited for the throbbing in my scalp to drown out the rest.

'…_it's not your job to save me…'_

'…_be honest with yourself…if you won't be honest with me…'_

I dropped my head between my legs and groaned. "Get out of my head. You don't even remember me."

For a long while, I sat motionlessly, eyes pinched shut, and barely breathing – just like a frightened child hoping to hide from a ghost, which in my case took on the form a beautiful, unattainable woman. By the time my heart rate finally regulated to something close to normal, and her voice faded into the background of the darkness surrounding me, I was no longer tired.

Padding into the bathroom, I took a piss and washed my hands, then set the water to arctic and splashed my face. By the time I straightened, cold shivers racked my frame, but I felt fully awake.

Through the bathroom mirror, and with the city light streaming in, I vaguely made out the intertwined eagles on my chest – Celtic symbolism for strength and health which I'd gotten a few years earlier on a semi-drunken whim when out with my cousin, Jamie. He'd ended up with an intertwined eagle and raven – Celtic symbolism for freedom and for being unbound. Jamie's tattoo fit his life; his break with society's stifling norms and his freedom to be himself. Mine fit my career.

Back in the bedroom, I threw on a tee shirt and climbed back into bed with my laptop. An hour or so of work would hopefully clear my head enough so I could sleep for a bit before dawn set in.

'_I'm only in your head, Edward.'_

I shook my head vigorously and pulled up the last file on which I'd been working.

'_Be honest with yourself if you won't be honest with me…'_

Grumbling deep in my throat, I scanned the memo.

**CDC Confidential**

**Subject: Influenza Season Trivalent and Quadrivalent Vaccine Requirements – Update**

'…_be honest with yourself if you won't be honest with me…'_

**From: Dr. Edward A. Cullen, Chief Epidemiologist, Global Disease Detection Division**

**To: All Medical-**

For a while, I managed to lose myself in the logistics of 'saving the world,' as Emmett would phrase it. Unfortunately, once the memo was complete, exhaustion still hadn't set in. Instead of shutting the laptop and forcing myself to rest or to stare at the ceiling or even switching to another work-related task, I clicked over to a browser and opened _The High Line's_ web-based newspaper. After a few, well-phrased search terms, I ended up with a list before me of Bella's last handful of articles as head writer for the publication, before the shit hit the wall.

I drew in a deep breath. "Fucking hell, Edward, what the hell are you doing?"

Yet, for a few moments, as I rubbed my jaw hard with my palm and stared at the bright screen framed by the dead of night, I seriously contemplated reading them.

"Screw this."

I threw aside the laptop and jumped out of bed. After a quick, cold shower, I made myself a cup of coffee and stood in the kitchen, watching the skies go from black to burgundy as I drank it. Then, I rinsed the mug, sprinted back upstairs to the bedroom, and just surrendered to the madness.

An hour later, with the sun beginning to color the sky in muted browns and purples, and with my second cup of coffee drained, I shut the laptop and dropped my head. Pinching the bumped bridge of my nose, I struggled to stave off the mounting indignation on behalf of a woman I'd barely spoken with for a total of an hour combined.

"What the fuck did he do to your head, Bella? And Jesus, fucking Alice could've told you how…bad they were before you handed them in. She could've…"

But of course, she wouldn't have. Those last few articles Bella wrote before the incident and before she was fired from the publication were nothing like those samples Alice sent me of Bella's work a few years earlier. They might as well have been written by a completely different person for how unimaginative, convoluted, preferably forgettable, and long-winded while expressing and communicating very little they were.

"This wasn't you writing these."

'_You don't really know me.'_

"You're right," I agreed, nostrils flaring. "You're right, Bella. I don't know you. I'm driving myself crazy over extrapolations I made based on what? Based on fifteen minutes of hell followed by ten minutes with a sedated woman in a hospital room followed by ten minutes with a woman who not only didn't remember me but who threatened to spill hot coffee on me and then another twenty minutes with a woman who exudes distrust in every word she speaks." I chuckled self-mockingly. "You're absolutely right; I don't know you. And apparently, I fucking talk to myself now too. I'm done with this."

And with a final, sardonic and self-deprecating snort, I slammed shut the laptop and got up to start my day with a run, determined to finally, once and for all, clear my head of Isabella Hale/Bella Swan.

OOOOO

I spent the next few days keeping myself occupied. Fortunately, there was always something going on at work, diseases threatening to spread in one corner of the world or another and decimate the population, all that fun stuff. The influenza season in the northeast was in full swing, and we at the CDC were monitoring the efficacy of the vaccine approved and dispersed that season. So far, the vaccine appeared to cover the strains which were presenting themselves, though some years, that could be tricky.

In the northwest, we were monitoring an increase in cases of the measles – not a large increase, but we had to keep an eye on it to ensure it remained that way and to reduce those cases. In fact, Emmett, Maria, and I were considering a trip up to Washington State to study the issue closer, perhaps disseminate educational information into the public and medical communities.

Washington…

Or maybe not. Maybe I'd pass that job off to another team. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to take another job with Maria right now anyway.

Of course, there was more to the world than the U.S. and its prevalent diseases. The Yellow Fever season in Madagascar would soon begin. Unfortunately, it was expected to be a bad one based on the sharp increase of cases the year before from a region previously rid of the disease. I had a request on my desk for CDC assistance into an investigation as to why that region suddenly spiked in cases. The UK was reporting a drug-resistant strain of gonorrhea, which UK nationals were contracting in Ibiza. I had another request on my desk for CDC assistance into an investigation about what the hell was going on in Ibiza. In addition, there were now twenty reported cases to the CDC over the past eighteen months of a potentially deadly blood infection in individuals, including Canadian and U.S. citizens. So far, most of these individuals shared the commonality of having booked invasive surgery procedures in Tijuana, Mexico, through the same medical tourism travel agency. Then, there was the Avian Flu in China.

Yeah, I had plenty to keep my mind from wandering.

So, I ran in the mornings, patronized the Starbucks around the corner from my place for my post-run coffee, spent a few hours at work, and then either worked some more in the evenings or hung out with a few friends.

One evening, Em and I were finishing up some quick planning before leaving the office.

"Well, I vote for the Tijuana job," Emmett said.

"You would vote for that one," I snorted as I gathered up my papers.

He chuckled heartily. "We can go to Baja, San Diego-"

I looked up at him. "You know, sometimes I get the sense that you consider these jobs more vacations than a chance to stop a deadly disease in its tracks."

"Why can't it be both?" he shrugged with an impish grin. "Ed, we can't make ourselves seem too indispensable. Otherwise, we won't have any time left over for surfing in Baja and Coronado."

I slid a few file folders I'd probably need later into my bag, hefted it over my shoulder, and smirked up at him.

"If we go, I'll leave the surfing to you this time."

"'If?' What do you mean 'if?'" he asked as we made our way to the lobby. "It's the perfect job for us – and I'm not just saying that because of the surfing op, I swear. Ed!" he called out when I kept walking. I turned around.

He offered me a hesitant frown. "Is this…because of that woman?"

"What woman?" I said, knowing full well what woman.

"You know very well what woman. Bella," he stage-whispered at my continued silence.

"No. It has nothing to do with her. I just…" I raked a hand through my hair. "These jobs…you said yourself a couple of weeks ago, we're way past these. Even that Vegas job could've been handled by a lower level team."

"The Vegas job was your idea."

"I know."

He studied me, and I pulled on my collar.

"Are you still-"

"I haven't seen her. I mean, yeah, I went back once and spoke to her-"

"Fucking hell, Edward…" he sucked his teeth and groaned. "You're a glutton for punishment, you know that right?"

"-but I'm done. You're right. It was pointless, and…I don't even know what type of person she really is, and there's no point in finding out. I haven't seen her in a few days. I've been visiting _Starbucks_," I said, making a face.

Emmett chuckled quietly. "Okay." He nodded slowly. "Okay, good. So…the Tijuana job? Or Madagascar. Or China." He lifted a careless shoulder. "Any of them. I just think going away for a bit might help you clear-"

"We'll prioritize tomorrow and set the jobs in front of the director."

He held my gaze for a few seconds, then patted my shoulder. "So, Ed, you want to get a couple of beers?" he asked while we walked toward the elevators. "I'm taking that woman across the hall, you know, the one who studies the STD's – Siobhan – to dinner tonight, but I've got a couple of hours before I've got to get home and beautify myself."

I looked up at his man-bun and rolled my eyes. "You're going to need a couple of hours just to make that beehive look decent."

"You're just jealous because this," – he pointed at his bun – "would so not suit you."

"Whatever. So, the STD woman finally said yes to you?"

"Fucking finally," he breathed. "Took her long enough."

"Maybe all those STD jokes you always make kind of turned her off? I'd steer clear of any tonight, especially over dinner."

He chuckled heartily as the elevator arrived and we stepped in. "Yeah. Maybe. So, beers?"

"Can't. My mom and Jamie asked me to stop by after work."

At this, Emmett broke out into fits of laughter so raucous the elevator shook, and he didn't quit until the elevator doors opened up onto the ground floor lobby.

"Have fun modeling next year's House of EMC's Male Collection," he said, snickering over his shoulder as he walked out.

I shot him a middle finger.

OOOOO

"Edward, sweetheart."

Esme offered me a somewhat nervous smile as she lifted herself on her slippered feet and kissed my cheek.

"Hey, Mom. What's up?"

"Well…"

"Ed, my man!" Jamie called out as he approached. We offered one another one-armed hugs.

"How's it going, Jamie?"

He grinned. "Can't complain. I've had a bout of inspiration, and I've got some great stuff in the back for you to try on!"

"Can't wait," I said sarcastically, making him laugh.

As a first cousin, James Masen and I shared a few physical characteristics, mainly our copper hair and green eyes. But Jamie was a handful of years older and a handful of inches shorter than me. No big deal. However, as Esme Masen Cullen's Design Assistant in charge of the fashion line's male offerings, James typically needed an at-least-six-foot-frame on which to model his ideas. I'd volunteered once as a joke, half drunk. Unfortunately, Jamie hadn't been the least bit drunk and now had no compunction about hounding me every year until I gave in.

"It's your own fault, cuz," Jamie said unsympathetically, "for being born so tall, dark, and handsome. Why you waste your God-given talents chasing diseases around the world is beyond me."

"I'd like to think I have some talent in that area as well," I said with a straight face. The back and forth banter was common between my favorite cousin and me.

"Aha!" Jamie grinned. "Then, you finally admit that you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, embody all the best physical characteristics of both the Masen and Cullen-"

I cut him off with a laugh. "I acknowledge no such thing."

"But you just said 'as well!' That's an acknowledgment of your flawless perf- wait a minute, cuz, what the heck happened to your nose?"

My mom stood between us.

"Jamie sweetheart, like you, Edward is wonderful at many things." When she gently brushed my nose, for a moment, it took me back to that dream a few nights earlier, and to someone else's gentle touch. But I quickly forced my focus back to the here and now. "And even with his slightly crooked nose, he's still extremely handsome," Esme continued with a tender smile. "Honey, I was trying to call you. Did you get my texts?"

"I don't know, Mom." I pulled off my backpack and searched for my phone. "I took the subway and there's no service, so-"

Loud, angry voices interrupted my train of thought, erupting from further within my parents' large, Upper East Side duplex. The voices carried from the west wing, the direction of my father's home office, which was opposite my mom's home studio on the east wing. It didn't take much guessing to discern the owners of the voices nor to catch on to the topic of conversation.

"You've been fighting more and more with that man, and every time you do you seem to think you can just come here and drop off-"

"I need time to clear my head! And he's your grandson!"

"He's _your_ son! I love him, of course, I do, but he's your responsibility, Alice!"

"I know that! You think I don't know that?"

Jamie sighed and bounced on the balls of his feet.

"As you can hear, it's been an…interesting afternoon around here."

"Edward," Esme said, "I tried to tell you she was here, in case you didn't want to…I wanted to give you the option of-"

"It's okay." I shrugged it off and made my way toward my mom's studio. "We're going to be in the studio anyway, right?"

However, as I turned the corner out of the foyer and into the living room, I encountered something unusual.

There was a playpen in the living room. Inside the playpen was a small form, laying on its back. It was covered with a blue blanket, from which stuck out a pair of chunky arms and a set of fat legs splayed out in what appeared an awkward position. Curled wisps of blond hair stuck also stuck up here and there from the top of the blanket. When I approached, his eyes were closed, and his lips puckered.

It was the first time I'd seen the boy. If I recalled correctly, he'd been born while I was in Brazil. What was that – March? It made him about six months old now.

"Meet little Jasper James," my mom said with an irrepressible smile in her voice. "He's a sweetheart."

"And as you can see," Jamie added, "he sleeps through anything, which _really_ makes him a sweetheart."

"But is he comfortable?" I wondered. "He's got those arms and legs bent in weird positions."

"He's quite comfortable," Esme chuckled. "That's how babies sleep. He's an angel, but your father's right. She's been fighting with that man more and more and…" her voice took on a glacial tone, "and Elizabeth won't watch him because she says she's already raised one child. And Alice can't just barge in and expect us to-"

When the boy whimpered, we all went still.

Another whimper. Those arms and legs flailed, kicked off the covers. The eyes blinked…blinked…and opened.

"Crap," Jamie whispered. "He's awake."

The boy held my gaze.

"Hey." A slow grin formed on my face at the intensity of his focus. It reminded me of-

I shook off the thought. "Hey, kiddo."

The boy kept on staring. He had huge blue eyes, though they weren't Alice's eyes. These had a different shape, more oval; darker. I vaguely recalled the fucker…the father had similar eyes.

Out of the blue, the staring morphed into murderous howls.

"What the…" I breathed. "What happened?"

"He's hungry, that's all," my mom said. "And he probably needs his diaper changed."

All the while, the shouting match across the hall continued, competing with the howls in here.

"Alice put a couple of bottles in the fridge," Esme said over the loud din. "I'll go warm one up."

Jamie and I remained, staring into the crib at the boy who kept screaming, while Alice and my father continued fighting.

"Do you think one of us should pick him-"

"Uhm, hold on, Ed." Jamie lifted a finger in the air and pulled his silent, unlit cell phone out of his back pocket. "Yeah. Yeah, this is an important phone call," he said, staring at a black screen. "I'll have to take it in the studio."

"Yeah, fucking liar," I muttered at his retreating, snickering backside.

When the kid kept crying, I sighed and gave the playpen a bit of a shake.

"It's okay. It's all right, Kid. Grandma's bringing your milk, and your mom 'll be here soon to pick you…or your dad 'll…or your grandpa might…Kid, you're screwed," I smirked, shaking my head.

The boy's blood-curdling shrieks intensified. "Shit. Sorry, sorry," I hissed repentantly. "That was pretty messed up of me."

With no other apparent choice, I drew in a deep breath, leaned over, and after a couple of awkward twists and turns of my arms, I managed to place one hand behind his head and one behind his backside. Then, with the utmost care, because I had no damn idea what I was doing, I lifted the boy out of the playpen.

The kid…the boy…Jasper James Junior…my nephew instantly calmed. Those big blue eyes locked on mine once again, now shiny and glassy with tears. His small chest heaved with an intensity that seemed too acute for such a minuscule body part. His entire frame was soft and malleable, yet it had a strength, a stocky hardiness to it. When he offered me a toothless smile, I found myself smiling in return.

"Hey." My arms formed an instinctive cradle and began a bouncing motion of their own volition, gently swinging from side to side in a way that seemed to soothe him if the strange, unintelligible gurgles he made were any indication. Nonetheless, they weren't screams or whimpers, which all in all I took as a good sign, especially when his smile grew.

"Yeah," I grinned. "You like that, don't you?" He offered me more unintelligible gibberish in reply. "Do you know who I am, kiddo? Do you? No? I'm your Uncle Edward."

Babbling.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I know we haven't met before, but I was away for a bit, and…"

_And your mother and I can't tolerate one another. And your father's an asshole. And somewhere out there, there's a woman who wanted you to be hers, and…_

"Hey," I said, refocusing, "you're a cute kid."

The ensuing sound resembled a giggle, but I couldn't be sure.

"Maybe one of these days, we can-"

There was a rush of air, a door being yanked open, and an "Alice, get back here!" before a set of heels click-clacked noisily across the hall.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I need to clear my head."

"You cannot keep doing this, young lady! Alice!"

The heels kept up their furious pace and came to a sudden halt behind me.

"Edward?"

Sighing internally, I kept my eyes on the boy.

"Edward…son," my father said.

"Dad," I replied evenly, slowly lowering the boy back into his playpen.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alice asked.

"It was good to meet you…JJ," I said, ensuring his soft head and back touched the mattress before I let go.

"Yeah, if you won't even speak to me, then set down my son. I don't need you poisoning him," Alice spat.

"Alice, Edward would never do that," I heard my father say.

Settling the boy carefully and repositioning the blanket on top of him, I smiled when he muttered his gibberish and flailed his arms and legs.

"You good?" While he babbled some more, I drew in a breath and turned slowly toward his mother.

My sister was always an attractive woman. I could see it in that way you vaguely note your sibling's looks. And hey, she'd never lacked for boyfriends, so I supposed. She had the blond hair and blue eyes some men admired. A good figure, I supposed again. She'd given birth about six months ago, and from this distance, at least, it appeared she'd regained her pre-pregnancy frame.

However, I hadn't seen her in about a year, and in that year, she'd gotten older. _N__ot_ in the normal, passage-of-time sense, no. As I said, I hadn't seen her in about a year, and Alice looked tired - the bags-under-eyes, deep-set-lines-on-forehead, pinched-lips type of tired.

In other words, Alice appeared as if she'd had a _rough_ year.

On the heels of that thought came another thought – a memory. My mind involuntarily took flight to someone from whom I'd struggled to keep it for days now, while second-hand indignation roared. _A fucking rough year_, I snorted to myself. Who'd _really_ had the fucking rough year? And whose fault was _her_ rough year, from beginning to end?

As the scientist in me reared his head, the man who extrapolated, I took a couple of steps forward.

"Let me ask you something, Alice."

"Oh, the perfect Doctor Edward Cullen does plan to address me?"

"Only because I recently came across something that's made me curious."

"Edward…" There was a tone of warning in my father's voice. "Son-"

"You know what they say about curiosity, dear big brother. It killed the cat – or in your case," Alice sneered, "it broke his nose."

"Alice," Carlisle said sharply.

I ignored her taunting. "Yeah, it's related to that shit show last year. I happened to come across the last articles your old _friend_," I spat the word, "- the woman whose husband you stole? Remember her? – wrote before she was fired from that shitty publication where you're now head writer."

"It's not shitty," she snapped, "and how the hell did you happen to-"

"I've been wondering, why didn't you tell her that her articles weren't up to par, that they were nowhere near the quality of writing she used to hand in?"

Her blue eyes narrowed. "How would you know what her writing used to be like? Her writing was always shit."

"No, it wasn't," I contradicted through gritted teeth. "You sent me a few of her articles once when you first started working there. Remember?"

She blinked a handful of times. "Oh. Whatever. Anyway, how the hell was it my job to measure the quality of her writing? If she suddenly started writing garbage, it wasn't my fault."

"Wasn't it?" I scowled. "You were screwing her husband."

"Edward," my father sighed.

"She didn't know that," Alice smirked as bluntly and shamelessly as ever.

I held her gaze. "She may not have known the particulars, but I'm sure she knew something was wrong. Did the editor, Michael Newton, warn her that her work was slipping?"

She shrugged. "How the hell would I know, and how the hell is it any of your-"

"Again, you were her friend," I grinned. "You would've known because she would've confided in you."

She offered me silence and another shrug in reply.

"And what did you say?" I took another couple of steps forward. "Did you tell her to ignore him? That he was just stupid or picky, or that he didn't know what he was talking about?"

"You still enjoy reading everyone so well, don't you, Edward?" she scoffed.

"And then did you go to Michael with a little smile on your face and tell him how you warned your friend that her writing was slipping, but she refused to do anything about it? Maybe you told him she said Michael was an idiot anyway. Did you slip some of your own articles under his nose while you were at it? Might as well, right?"

"I can read you too, Edward!"

"So, who's the poisonous one, Alice?" I asked.

"You're empty! You're a sad, empty sack of shit of a man with no life, which is why you constantly stick your nose in mine!"

"My point is, Alice, you're the one who needs to be careful about spreading poison into that poor kid. At least for his sake, try to-"

"Fuck you! Don't tell me how to raise my son! Why don't you disappear to another country again and do your investigating over there and stay out of my life! Better yet, why don't you drop-"

"ALICE! ENOUGH!" My mom shouted, baby bottle in hand. "Jesus, for your son's sake, grow the hell up!"

For one, long moment, the five of us – six if one counted the quiet baby…stood silent, shocked by the sudden outburst by a woman who usually tried her best to remain composed.

"He's a sweet kid, Alice," I finally said. "Seriously, do your best to keep him that way."

She opened her mouth and quickly shut it. Then, with a scowl for me, Alice turned on her heels and stormed out of the apartment – leaving her son behind.

Esme sighed and looked at my father. "So, after all that, she went ahead and left him."

Carlisle looked more tired and older than I remembered him. He raked a hand through his hair.

"What can we do, Esme? We can't abandon him. He's an innocent baby."

Esme nodded. "He _is_ an innocent baby, and I completely agree that we can't abandon him. So, I'm going to feed the little man, burp him, and then you're going to change his diaper and take care of him until his mother decides to return. Jamie and I are under deadlines."

"Esme, I've got a conference call at-"

"Carlisle, for years, I tried to be a real mother to Alice, which included disciplining her when necessary. Yet, time and again you bowed down to her every whim and made it clear _your_ word regarding her discipline was final, and _I_ made the mistake of accepting that because…" my mom choked, "well, no point in getting into that now. The point is after I feed him, you're taking care of little JJ until Alice picks him up."

And with that, my mom picked up JJ and walked out of the room.

Carlisle pinched his eyes shut and exhaled. When he reopened them, they landed on me.

"Good to see you, old man," I said before Jamie and I headed for Esme's studio.

OOOOO

The next morning after my run, I happened to-

No. The next morning _during_ my run, I ran past the coffee shop and caught sight of Bella through the storefront window. She wasn't hard to spot, easily the most beautiful being in there with the sun's rays dancing like a crown over her raven hair. She looked like a queen on her throne – or like a focused woman at her laptop. Her eyes were narrowed but without any of the lines around them which my sister had suddenly developed. Yes, her forehead was furrowed, but I knew…I remembered how smooth it was when she wasn't focused so intently on her laptop. Plump lips moved around words I couldn't hear…but words which might as well have been a siren's call.

Drawing in a breath and exhaling in surrender, I pulled open the door, and as I walked inside, I promised myself that this time, I'd tell her the truth. I'd remind her who I was, my _real_ identity beyond an unknown "Edward" or a simple "Stranger," so that _she_ could decide whether she wanted to get to know me, whether I got to _really_ know her...or not.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, and discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter (for update alerts and randomness): PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon! :)**

*****Btw, to the reviewer who found the conversation in Chapter 6, between Bella and the old couple in the coffee shop to be completely unrealistic…that's because it wasn't real. If you'll recall, Edward was on the other side of the room/coffee shop and couldn't hear what they were saying. Therefore, as he states, he made up the entire conversation in his head based on their gestures. That's why the convo was in italics. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

**Broken – Chapter 8**

* * *

Bella talked to herself.

Well, not so much talked to herself as much as debated with herself out loud – debated words and apparently, their synonyms, to be more precise.

"Uncontrollable, powerful, overwhelming. Hm." In my periphery, I was able to make out a frown on her. "What I need is a word that's a combination of all three."

She bit her thumbnails, alternating between both thumbs when…when what, when the nail was gone? From where I sat next to her on a stool along the counter and against the window, sipping my coffee and trying to keep my gaze from straying to her, I couldn't be sure.

Her breath hitched. "_Overpowering_."

I smiled to myself, unaware I was nodding my agreement until I was half-nod. It was a good choice, a perfect combination of those previous words. When Bella's thumbs left her mouth and once again came to rest on her keyboard's space bar, they and the rest of her fingers flew across the laptop like the scurrying feet of those small children she loved watching at the park across the street. For the next few minutes, her fingers glided across the laptop and concurrently, her mouth murmured quick phrases of which I only caught every few words. But they were fascinating words.

In fact, the entire process which I'd been fortunate enough to stumble upon about fifteen or so minutes earlier was riveting. Bella was immersed in a web of creativity, artistry, and productivity, lost deep in the bowels of a visionary zone of enchantment. While she created, I extrapolated because this was proof that those less-than-spectacular final articles she wrote for _The High Line_ were an aberration. They were a deviation caused by the mental stress she must've endured during the last few months of a marriage which fucked with her head and robbed her of her gift – but only temporarily. Because what Bella possessed was rare and irrepressible. What's more, watching her work was a gift in and of itself.

Now, the gift appeared to be back in full force.

But then…she stopped typing. Once again, those thumbnails returned to her mouth, and once again, I watched peripherally as she looked up and through the window. However, her focus wasn't on the morning's blue skies or on the fall's ever-changing leaves floating in the crisp breeze. No. Bella was sifting through what I was beginning to see was a considerate mental thesaurus.

"Inconsiderate, callous, heartless…" She bit her lip.

'_Selfish?_' I offered internally.

It was a struggle not to participate out loud in her creative process, not to spit out a word for her consideration, let her play around with it, see what she thought of it. But, I wasn't meant to be a part of _her_ process – this woman whose husband my sister stole and in the most shameless and heartless of manners; a woman I'd had an opportunity to help out of a horrendous situation, yet whom I'd completely failed. Most importantly, Bella had no fucking clue who I was. I might as well have been a voyeur through one of those windows Bella often spoke of; peeking into a life I had no business being so curious about.

"Selfish," she murmured. "Yes. Selfish!" Her fingers returned to the keyboard.

Snorting, I sipped my coffee, all the while steeling myself for the quickly approaching moment when I'd reach the bottom of the mug. With no further excuse to delay the inevitable, I'd have to do what I came to do: face her and make my confession. For God's sake, I'd just spent the past twenty minutes sitting silently next to her yet completely immersed in her world. She deserved to know why.

And as I prepped myself, I wondered how it would all go down.

'_Bella, hi.'_

'_Oh. Hey, Stranger…Edward,' she'd reply with a smile. 'I remember you – from a week or so ago, and a week or so before that.'_

'_Yeah. Actually, Bella, the truth is that you and I met long before. I'm Alice's brother, Edward, and I was there that day in the lobby.'_

_As I spoke, her beautiful face would pale and drain of all color. 'I…you were…yes, I remember you now. You held on to me that day.'_

'_I was trying to pull you away, but your elbow accidentally hit my nose, and-'_

'_-and I broke your nose,' she'd murmur. 'Yes, I remember, and I apologize.'_

'_No, please. I don't want an apology. That doesn't matter. The fracture healed fine, more or less. Either way, that's not why I'm here.'_

'_Then, why are you here?' she'd ask because Bella was nothing if not direct._

'_I'm here because…Bella, do you remember the hospital? Do you remember how you told me you were frightened, and I held your hand and…do you remember the things I told you?'_

'_Yes. Yes, Edward, I do remember. But…' she'd shake her head, 'why didn't you remind me earlier of who you are?'_

'_At first, I thought you knew. When I realized you didn't, I wasn't sure how you'd react, and I apologize. I'm still not sure what's going to happen here, but I figured I'd tell you a few things and allow you to decide the rest.'_

'_What more do you have to tell me, and what is it that I'm supposed to decide?'_

_And with a deep breath, I'd lay it all out there. 'Bella, I think I'm falling in love with you, and I wanted to allow you the choice of deciding if you wanted to get to know me and…and hopefully, fall in love with me as well.'_

The coffee cup rattled noisily when I set it down with a bit more force than necessary. Drawing in a deep breath, I dropped my head and angled it slightly sideways so that I could get one final, undisturbed and undistorted view of the mastermind, one final peek into her brilliance, one last look at that frenetically-energized typing. Then…then that would be it. Because once I said what I came to say, what I _had_ to say, the chances that she wouldn't find me insane were slim to none.

And there she was in full view: dark eyes glazed yet focused, pouty lips slightly parted and prepped to murmur whatever phrases her head dreamed up, brow furrowed in one of those many facial expressions which were windows into her mind. It took me a moment to realize this agonized expression wasn't due to whatever she was typing because she was no longer typing. What's more, her dark eyes weren't on her screen but on the window. Her pouty lips formed no words; instead, her bottom lip trembled.

I followed the trajectory of her gaze directly to the park across the street. As usual, children still too young for school played and ran around, while on the bench in the middle of the park sat a couple of men and women watching them. One woman, who appeared to be in her late twenties, early thirties, bounced a baby on her lap while talking with the woman next to her. The kid's blond curls bounced along with him, fat hands reached high into the air. For a moment, I smiled because he reminded me of my nephew, JJ, whom I'd recently met a few days earlier. He had those same blond curls, a habit of reaching upward with fat hands, kicking with his chunky-

"Oh, damn," I breathed. Was she seeing…?

"Fuck," she whimpered almost silently, answering my question, though I don't think she even realized the quiet yet audibly painful grunt that erupted along with it. So, the words which erupted from me were just meant to distract her.

"An interesting word, for sure, but I'd suggest you stick with 'Selfish.'"

Her breath hitched, eyes blinking successively as if broken out of a trance. Bella's head turned toward me so fast her ponytail swung like a whip.

"We _were_ looking for synonyms to 'Inconsiderate,' weren't we?"

She kept right on blinking, so I swallowed and continued head-on. I'd already admitted I'd been sitting and watching her, but I'd be damned if I allowed that agony to torture her again.

"Man, whatever it is you're writing, it deserves a Pulitzer for your focus alone."

I grinned, and in the next second, Bella seemed to snap out of her haunted daze. Dark eyes on me, she reached out and snapped her laptop closed.

"'We' is too many people, and were you trying to read my stuff again?" She crossed her arms against her chest.

"No. I promise I wasn't," I assured her, determined to reroute her from whatever dark highways her mind had suddenly led her. Yet, how could I do that if I revealed my connection to those dark highways?

Instead, I made a split second decision to allow her to focus her ire on me.

"But seriously, Bella, do you realize how long I've been sitting here next to you without your notice?"

"Is this some sort of cry for help? Do you _want_ me to call the cops?"

The woman was fire personified, and Jesus if I didn't love her fieriness. When I chuckled, it was more in self-mockery than as a reply to her threat. If Emmett could see me now he'd drag me the fuck out of here.

"I was drinking my coffee, and you were so deeply focused, I didn't want to interrupt." That much at least, was the honest truth. "Do you know you murmur to yourself when you write? You debate words. You're pretty loquacious, by the way. You grin. You frown. You talk about galloping horses? You bite your lip, your thumbnails. Honestly, it's…fascinating. I could've sat here all morning."

And just like that, I'd gone too fucking far. I could've, should've left it at the first sentence of explanation. Instead, I'd revealed my fascination without providing any sort of background for _where_ that fascination originated. How fucking insane did that make me sound? And if I did reveal the origins of my fascination, that tortured look, that agonized expression would return.

I cleared my throat and looked away, my mind in an uproar. I glared at the coffee cup and begged it for answers. What the fuck was the correct next step? What. the fuck. was the correct next step? Torment her with the truth? Reopen her wounds and yank her back into the throes of that heartbreak? Maybe…maybe the answer was as simple as just pushing back the stool and getting the fuck out of here before I made things-

"I actually bite the skin under my thumbs and not the nails themselves."

She appeared in my periphery, leaning toward me so closely that when I breathed and inhaled, I smelled the herbal soap I smelled in my dreams. When I dared to look, her dark eyes were on mine, a pair of thumbs held out in the tight space between us, and God, I grinned wide because _she_ initiated this. She initiated this bit of proximity. She sensed _my_ turmoil…and set out to relieve it.

"Ahh." I played along. "See? I couldn't have been observing you all that closely or else I'd know that."

She offered me an impish chuckle. "Pretty gross, huh?"

I shrugged off her inane comment, and as I finally tore my eyes away from hers and to her thumbs, I was pretty sure she couldn't show me a damn thing about her I'd ever find-

Holy fuck, her thumbnail beds were a cringe-worthy mess.

I did actually cringe, and Bella merely chuckled again. Instinctively, I reached for her thumbs, brushing the outer edges of each one lightly with my thumbs. I wouldn't touch the open wounds for fear of the germs she could catch through those minuscule, skin abrasions – diseases, infections, fucking gangrene. Her laughter faded, but I kept brushing the edges of her thumbs, and Bella made no attempt to pull them away from me.

"Honestly?" I murmured, terrified that any word, the slightest movement would end this fleeting moment of trust Bella appeared to finally bestow on me. "I'd be more concerned with the health risks involved with your touching something dirty and getting those fingers infected." I looked up at her and grinned. "Because if they have to amputate your thumbs, how will you write?"

Bella tore her eyes away from mine and pulled her thumbs away from me. Then, she turned back to her laptop.

"I'll be careful. Now leave me alone." She waved a hand dismissively, but there was even less vehemence in her words or her tone than there'd been the last time she'd rebuked me. "You're interrupting me."

I snorted. "I did warn you that I was going to approach you the next time I found you typing away."

"That you did." She side-eyed me and quirked a perfect brow. "And I warned you that you'd do so at your own risk."

"That you did," I breathed. My eyes flashed to the window, where across the street, the woman with the JJ-like baby was saying something aimed at one of the toddlers running around. At the same time, she stood and gathered her bag, her jacket, and hung both off the stroller. She straightened out JJ Look-alike's clothing before settling him into his stroller seat and working those buckles. She was leaving.

In my periphery, I saw Bella's head slowly begin to turn back to the window.

Quickly, I picked up my coffee cup, brought it to my mouth, and when I saw her gaze return to me, I put on a show like it was the best goddamn latte ever even though all that was left in the cup was foam. I grunted after each feigned sip, smacking my lips together in appreciation as I set the cup down.

"_Ahh_, that's good stuff."

She angled herself toward me. "You enjoy those frothy lattes, huh?"

"You've noticed my coffee preference?" I asked, pleasantly surprised.

Bella sat back nonchalantly, tapping the side of her mouth with her finger.

"It's hard not to notice when…"

My tongue peeked out and swiped along the edge of my mouth, and I laughed at myself when I tasted the sweet, foamy remnant on my top lip.

"Nope. Still there."

She remained straight-faced, but humor danced in her dark, expressive eyes. It made them sparkle like chocolate diamonds. At that moment, I would've given my right foot to watch that humor overspread her entire beautiful face, touch her heart for just a second, provide her with a few moments of levity, of thoughts of here and now and a stupid man playing with his latte rather than memories of a bastard who once played with her heart.

I swiped the back of my hand over my entire face, raked my other hand through my hair and finished off the show by scrubbing both hands up and down my face and blowing raspberries while vigorously shaking my head.

When I pulled my hands away, Bella burst into fits of laughter so powerful she held her stomach against the force of her chortles.

And my entire being hadn't felt so light in…a long, long time.

"Better?" I asked.

She laughed and laughed. "Edward, you're such a damn clown."

'_Edward…'_

'_Edward…'_

I swallowed thickly and grinned. "It's good to know you haven't forgotten my name, Bella. For a second there…"

For a second there, I thought she might've even forgotten that much.

I cleared my throat. "So, now that we've ignored the dual warnings _and_ established that I have a fondness for steamed milk while you prefer to stick to bland light roast, no milk or cream, with a shot of hazelnut and no sugar – yes, _I_ have noticed." Fuck it. "_And_ you don't seem to care if it gets cold, why don't we share a morning coffee break?"

"I thought we just did," she said, still laughing though with decreasing mirth as she pointed down at her laptop. "And I'm in the middle of something. My muse is back, and she can be a flighty bitch, so…"

_Yeah, Bella; yeah, I've noticed your muse's return._

But despite how much I craved her, her conversation, her proximity, actual permission to be allowed to sit next to her and just watch her create…I'd never do anything to mess with that muse – especially not if it made her forget how and why she'd once lost it.

Nevertheless, I was a selfish bastard, and even as I leaned in closer to her, planned my words, in the back of my mind, I knew how fucked up what I was doing actually was. I was befriending this woman, attracting her, protecting her from her memories yet trying to reel her in all the same without the full benefit of the entire story.

Yet, I was powerless to stop myself.

"Bella…I only interrupted because you looked like something suddenly upset you."

When she shut her beautiful, dark eyes, my heart dropped to my feet. After a quick moment, Bella reopened her eyes and locked them on mine.

"Thank you." Her warm breath washed over me. "Sometimes I get lost in my own head, contemplating possibilities I really shouldn't contemplate."

"Don't we all?"

It was a coward's confession. Even then, I knew it. It was less than I'd meant to give, much weaker than what she deserved. The lightheartedness of a few minutes earlier evaporated as guilt settled into my gut like a lead weight.

What the fuck was I doing?

Through constricted lungs, I drew in a breath and forced myself to back away from her, signaled my imminent departure with a few, seemingly careless raps to the counter space between us. And even as I spoke, I told myself I'd tell her next time. Next time, when she wasn't in the middle of a bout of inspiration, when a woman holding a blond and rosy-cheeked child across the street wasn't unwittingly taunting her, when the memories which haunted her were being held at bay by something, anything, then…I'd make my confession.

"All right, Bella. I sure as hell don't want to be the cause of your flighty muse's flight, so…I'll catch you next time?"

"At your own risk." She smiled because this time, the words were just words, our shared joke and accompanied by none of the hostility they'd once possessed.

"I'm aware," I grinned, heart racing. "Take care, Bella. And don't let your coffee get cold."

"Take care, Stranger, and…thanks for giving this September thirteenth a little bit of merriment."

I felt her gaze on me all the way to the coffee shop's door.

OOOOO

That evening, Emmett and I met at one of our local hangouts. It was a small place by the Seaport, a corner bar a couple of blocks from the river and housed in a building that had been around since colonial days – and looked it. But it was clean, and a couple of times a week, local bands covered pretty good music. We sat at the bar counter and watched the Yankees play against the Red Sox on the large-screen while the band played in a corner, and Emmett and I snacked on chicken wings and enjoyed craft beer.

"So how was the date with STD girl?"

When Emmett drew in a long, dramatic sigh, sucking all the meat and skin off two wings before he answered, I knew it hadn't gone well.

"Maybe that was my first mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have referred to her as STD girl."

"Did you happen to call her that to her face?" I snorted, fully expecting him to say he had.

"'Course not," he chuckled ruefully before looking at me. "But maybe the fact that all I could think of while we ate dinner were STDs kinda took some of the shine off the date-night experience."

"You know the fact that she works with them doesn't necessarily mean she has any, right?" I chuckled.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "It wasn't even that."

"Then what was it?"

He offed a couple of more wings before turning back to me.

"Ed, you know when you've wanted to know someone for a while, and you build that person up in your head." He made a vague, circling gesture around his head. "You make all these wild suppositions and fascinating presumptions on what spending more than five minutes in that person's presence 'll be like."

"Okay," I prompted. So far, I knew exactly what he meant.

"But when you actually sit down and have more than a five-minute convo with that person, it's nowhere near as engrossing or as riveting as you imagined. While she's talking, you're realizing that yeah, she's smart, she's got a great face, she's interesting, and she can probably keep someone else enthralled, but it just ain't you." He finished with a snicker and clicked his beer bottle to mine before pushing it back.

I sat there and stared at him, my own bottle resting on the counter. Emmett side-eyed me and set his bottle down.

"Aren't you gonna drink to that with me?"

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't say I know what you mean."

Emmett's brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"

"Emmett-" Someone clapped my shoulder. When I looked around, it took me a couple of seconds to place the face.

"I thought that was you, but since we only met that one time." The guy chuckled. "Anyway, I was across the bar by myself, toasting to…" he cleared his throat, "toasting to a friend's birthday, and I heard your friend here say your name, so..." He jerked his jaw toward Emmett while simultaneously reaching out to shake his hand. "Jasper Hale, good to meet you."

Emmett held my gaze as he robotically shook the fucker's hand, shooting me one of those, _'Who the fuck is this?'_ looks.

Meanwhile, the fucker sat his ass on the stool next to me and proceeded to address me like we were long, lost friends.

"So, what have you been up to, Ed? I'm glad I bumped into you. Now, I can tell Alice we hung out together tonight, and…" chuckling, he pushed back his beer, "and I won't have to hear her garbage. You know how women can get. I mean, take that crazy shit last year, for example, right?" Another chuckle.

For a few moments, I simply stared at him. Then, I stared at my bottle. Then, I looked over my shoulder at Emmett.

"Em, how many of these have I had?"

"A couple."

"That's it?"

He nodded.

I nodded and turned back to the fucking bastard.

"Jasper," I spat the name begrudgingly, "did I at any point give you the impression that I looked forward to being on buddy-buddy terms with you? That I'd want to bullshit and shoot the breeze over a couple of beers with you?"

The bastard frowned and blinked successively. He raked a hand through his blond head of asshole curls. Fuck, at least Em's bun had character. Then, he rubbed the back of his red neck, sweeping his eyes around the bar, looking like a lost and confused fish out of water.

"I…uh, I just figured, I mean, it's been over a year since all that went down, and-"

"And what?" I snorted. "And you thought I'd just forget how the fuck I was first made aware of your miserable existence?"

"Oh, come on, man," he protested. "Don't you think you're taking this too far? I can understand you being upset that day, but like I said, it was over a year-"

"Are you- are you fucking kidding me here?" My hand instinctively tightened around my beer bottle. "Never mind the fact that you and my sister rushed out of an elevator looking guilty as fuck, both of you half-undressed while you fucking proceeded to torture your wife for the next fifteen goddamn minutes with your indecision-"

He jumped off the bar stool. "You know what, dude? Never mind. I'll just-"

When I jumped off of my bar stool too, the asshole cut off his rant and took a step back.

"Ed," Emmett said carefully.

"While my sister tortured her with her brand of vitriol," – spittle ejected from my mouth with my growing umbrage – "and your wife took the fall for the shit show you two put on?"

"Bella took the fall because she went nuts!"

The sound of my beer bottle slamming against the wooden counter and shattering reverberated around the bar. The band stopped playing. Up front, the bartender muted the television screen. For a few seconds, the bottle's continued reverberations were the only sound in the entire bar.

"I guess I just went nuts too, you goddamn piece of-"

Someone – Emmett – landed a hand hard on my shoulder and pulled me back. "Edward."

"Fine. You don't want to be friends," Jasper smirked, waving a dismissive hand between us. "I get it. I'll just go back to the other side of the bar and-"

"No, asshole, you won't."

"Edward, don't do anything stupid," Emmett hissed.

I shrugged off Emmett's large paw while holding the other bastard's gaze evenly.

"I've got it, Emmett, I've got it. The asshole's my nephew's father. For JJ's sake, I won't do anything stupid. Go the fuck home, man," I said to Jasper, my upper lip twisting into a disgusted snarl. "The fuck you're doing hanging around bars at this time of night when you've got a woman and a baby at home? Isn't that the perfect little family you wanted? The one you broke your ex-wife for? For my nephew's sake, go home."

With that, I turned my back on him and moved back toward my bar stool. Yet…in the next moment, my eyes narrowed. Seething with a burning suspicion, I swiftly turned back toward the fucker.

"Wait a minute, what the hell are you doing downtown, Jasper? And what the fuck are you doing around _here_?"

"It's none of your goddamn-"

This time, as I rushed Jasper, Emmett's hand grazed and missed my shoulder. I twisted and tightened Jasper's collar around his neck.

"Fuck, man!" he choked.

"It _is_ my fucking business, asshole. It _is_ my business because I was _there_."

"Edward, let go of him," Emmett said calmly.

Jasper scowled and held his chin up defiantly; I'd give him that.

"I was there, and I saw with my own two eyes the fucking carnage you and my sister left behind that day. And it's my fucking business because no matter what, the woman who's waiting for you right now is _my_ sister, and even more than that, the kid you fathered is _my_ nephew. So. where. the fuck. were you?"

"I was visiting an old buddy from back home. You want to give him a call?" he hissed through his constricted throat.

"_Him_? Are you sure we're talking about a _'him?_'"

"Man, when Alice said you had no fucking life, she wasn't kidding. Yeah, a him! You want the name, number, address, social security?"

I shoved him away, snickering when he stumbled back and knocked into a couple of girls sitting at the bar, who pushed him away.

"Get away from us!"

I snorted. "Get your ass home, Jasper, before I call Alice and tell her exactly where you are, wasting money at a bar when I know you're not working. I know my sister well enough to know she'll pull them purse strings so tight your balls 'll feel the constriction."

Slowly, Jasper backed toward the door. "Asshole," he spat before turning and walking out.

"All right, show's over!" Emmett roared.

The band resumed. The TV volume went back up. After a few seconds, I drew in a breath, pulled out my wallet, and laid a couple of big bills on top of the bar counter.

"Nick, I'm sorry," I told the bartender, who was already cleaning up the mess of broken glass and spilled beer on top of the counter.

"Ed, I've known you long enough to know you're not usually a troublemaker."

"Yeah. Too bad a moment of frustration and broken glass isn't always explained away that easily. You need help cleaning up?" I asked guiltily.

He shook his head. "Nah, but…it's probably a good time for me to cut you off for the night."

"Probably," I agreed.

Emmett wrapped a hand around my neck. "I've got him, Nick. Let's go, Ed."

OOOOO

Emmett and I reached the end of the block. For a few, long minutes, we stood at the corner, and I gazed up at the half moon, wondering…

"I spoke to her again – today." My breaths swirled around me in a haze of early fall, evening air. When Emmett made no comment, I looked at him and quirked an eyebrow.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Oh, I heard you." He offered me a shrug, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "I'm just trying to figure out what to say in return because I can't fucking say, _'qué sorpresa_,' especially after that interesting scene." He jerked his jaw toward the bar. "Edward the Bar Brawler," he snorted.

"The thing is…what you just said about your fascination with STD girl dying down once you got to spend time with her?" I shook my head. "Total opposite for me. The more I speak to her, the more I get to know her, the more I want to know her."

Emmett sighed long and deeply, but not one of those dramatic sighs I was used to getting from him.

"Did you tell her…did you _remind_ her who you are? That you're Alice's brother and that you were there that day?"

I lifted my eyes back to the moon. "No."

In my periphery, I saw him scrub a hand down his face. "You know what I can say? _Que mierda_. Ed, you gotta see, especially after what just went down in that bar, what bullshit, how dangerous even this game you're playing is. I mean, the way you're acting?" He jerked his jaw in the bar's direction. "This isn't like you at all. Have you even stopped to wonder why you're acting like this? Why you're so…tense?"

"I'm not playing any-"

"Yes, you are," he contradicted pointedly. "If you're speaking to this woman, and you haven't told her yet who you are, you're most definitely playing games."

I fisted my hair and growled. "I meant to tell her today. It's why I went to the coffee shop – to tell her. But then…Em, before I got a chance, something reminded her of that day, and you should've seen her face, the pain in it." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "Jesus, I couldn't. I couldn't cause her more of that pain."

"Then why the fuck are you talking to her at all?" he said straightforwardly. "Ed, if you're gonna keep talking to her, you've got to tell her who you are even if it does remind her of that day, _especially_ because you'll remind her of that day, and especially if you're standing here knowing reminders of that day cause her pain."

I said nothing.

"Edward, you're going to keep talking to her, fall deeper and deeper into…whatever this is, allow her to get to know you, and then what?"

I looked at him.

"Then, _what_ Edward? What's the plan?"

I couldn't reply.

"Tell her. Either stay the fuck away from her…or tell her."

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

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"**See" you soon. :)**


	9. Outtake from a Tribeca Bar - Jasper Hale

**A/N: I had no plans to do this outtake, simply because I honestly couldn't picture wanting to be in this guy's head. Nonetheless, after yesterday's chapter, there was a lot of discussion over Jasper Hale, and this just came to me. I think this chapter here will basically explain just what kind of man Jasper is…was…and will likely always be. **

**Outtake from a Tribeca bar on the occasion of a special birthday:**

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**Jasper Hale: Heartbreaker**

"Had the fucking nerve to ask me to leave."

I took another swig from my beer bottle, cursing and angrily swiping away a few wayward droplets that landed on my chin. I snorted and shook my head, still in disbelief over how differently the night had ended from what I'd envisioned.

"Got me talking to myself too. Fucking came downtown just for her, just to wish her a happy birthday. She should've been happy I even remembered. Instead, she asks me to…" Groaning under my breath, I swept my gaze around the Tribeca bar in which I'd ended up after some pissed off and aimless walking. I'd even had my excuses lined up for the other one:

'_A job interview, Jasper? In the evening? How fucking stupid do you think I am?'_

Instantly resolving not to even touch the last in that line of questioning, I'd answered the first two with well-practiced ease.

'_Al, it's a downtown start-up. The guy's busy, and it was the only time he could fit me in. Look, baby, I want to get a job. You know I do. I hate that my company downsized, and I hate that you pay all the bills,' I lied._

_She'd eyeballed me hard while my son cried in her arms._

'_A start-up downtown, huh? Let me ask you something, Jasper. What's today?' _

_Shit. As self-fucking-involved as she was, I hadn't counted on her actually recalling the significance of the date._

'_What do you mean what's today?' I'd asked, knowing full well what she meant._

'_I mean what's the significance of today's date?' she'd spat through clenched teeth._

'_Alice, I don't know,' I'd lied yet again, this time allowing some frustration to seep into my voice for good measure. 'What is it? September twelve? Thirteen? Fourteen? Lithuanian Independence? I don't know. What do I look like, a calendar?'_

_She'd kept right on scrutinizing me._

'_Look, little JJ's obviously hungry. Are you going to feed him or are you going to keep standing there giving me a hard time for trying to get a job so I can help out a bit more around?'_

'_A bit more,' the fucking nightmare had scoffed, heavy on the sarcasm. 'A bit more would imply you help out at all.'_

'_Alice,' I'd said, walking toward the door before I fucking lost it and told her what the fuck I really thought of her. 'I'll be home after my interview.'_

_Or not at all_, I'd grinned to myself, _if things go as I'm hoping, and I spend the night back in my wife's warm bed instead of next to your dumb-ass._

Well, at least after _that_ plan went to shit, I hadn't ended up in some sleazy dive. The place I was in looked a bit seedy from the outside, what with its run-down brick façade, small windows, and no storefront signage. But I'd needed a goddamn drink, and any place would've done at that moment.

However, when I walked in, I was pleasantly surprised. For a few moments, I even managed to forget how pissed off I was at my ex-wife, my current pain-in-ass Baby Mama, and Life in general. Man, had I gotten the short end of the stick.

Anyway, the place had a decently-sized and decently-stocked bar. There was a band playing in the corner, one of those Nineties alternative songs my ex-wife-

Fuck. No. No. No, I wouldn't think of her after how she treated me. Fucking bitch told me to leave after I came all the way downtown to-

I turned away sharply from the band, from anything that would remind me of her.

Then, there was a great, large-screen TV hanging in a corner of the bar. Huge actually, with great picture quality. The ballgame was on, and fuck was I glad it wasn't a football game to remind me of the split-second, bold-faced lie I'd just told Bella. Since we were kids, every time I lied to her, it gnawed at me a bit, unlike lying to the other one. The other one deserved every lie I ever told her.

I shook my head, trying to clear it of both females responsible for my current predicament in life. Instead of thinking, I headed for one of the empty bar stools, where I'd ordered the first of – of how many? How many beers had I had so far? – a few beers and tried not to think at all.

But, that's the shit. It's hard not to think at all.

So, I'd lied to my ex-wife about coming down to ask for a jersey. Big, fucking deal. People told worse lies. And as much as it bothered me to lie to Bella, it wasn't as if it was the first lie I'd told her since we'd known one another, nor the biggest. Over the years, the lies had progressed by necessity, but what the fuck did women want from a guy nowadays? Seriously, what did they want? They practically begged you to lie to them.

'_Of course, I'm not disappointed we didn't sleep together after prom. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_Of course, I'm sure I love you. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_Of course, you were my first too. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_Of course, I'm just as excited as you about getting married. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_Of course, I want kids. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_Of course, I'd be okay if we never had kids. I wouldn't lie. But let's keep trying, babe. I mean, my buddy Rick and his wife just had one. Can't be that fucking hard to get pregnant.'_

'_Of course, I understand why you're stressed lately. I wouldn't lie. But don't stress me out too, babe. I'm going out for a drink.'_

'_Of course, I understand you're having a hard time focusing, and Michael's giving your friend, Alice more and more articles, which means you're bringing home less dough. I don't mind picking up the slack. I wouldn't lie.'_

'_No, I can't say I remember your friend Alice all that well. It's not like she was fucking undressing me with her eyeballs the second you introduced us and then snuck her number to me before the night was done.'_

'_Of course, I'm working late again. I wouldn't lie. It's not like Alice is bouncing on my dick as I type out this text.'_

'_Of course, I still love you, Bella. I wouldn't lie.'_

The shit of it was…the shit of it was that as I sat at that bar stool nursing my fifth…sixth beer?, I wasn't sure anymore if that last lie to Bella had been a lie after all.

Bella Hale. Bella fucking Swan again now.

Overall, she'd been a good wife. A bit high-strung and tightly wound toward the end of our marriage, fucking always crying, especially at the time of the month when her damn period was due, and it would come and dash all her dreams. Shit, man, it got frustrating.

In those early days, though…

I took a long chug from my beer as I recalled those earlier days. Bella was always sweet. Always smart. A bit on the plain side when we were kids, but man if she didn't go from plain-jane to fuck-all gorgeous that summer between junior and senior year of high school. All my buddies were jealous as hell when I beat them to the punch, and Bella and I started dating. And man, she was always willing to do anything to make me happy. What more could a guy want?

The sex. The sex had been so good before it became all about the reproduction. It was great. Actually, it was fucking mind-blowing. She was so tight…so warm…loud too, screamed my name to the heavens, bent any way I wanted her, let me take her in any position-

FUCK.

I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to let my mind wander down that particular train of thought yet again, especially in public. I could already feel my dick hardening, and if I got home like this, that other crazy bitch would start asking questions.

I mean, how was any of this _my_ fucking fault? There was Bella, always fucking depressed. Even sex with her, which, like I said, had once been mind-blowing, became the most depressing, anxiety-inducing, and under-stimulating act imaginable. I had to close my eyes and picture the wildest fucking shit – twins, triplets, anything just to spurt out a few drops. Fucking consulting charts and pills and hormones and shit. Damn it, I was a fucking man, not a robot. And as if that wasn't bad enough, by the end, who the fuck was paying most of the bills? Me, that's who. Her and her fucking inability to write articles her boss wanted to publish. I mean, what the fuck happened to equality?

And then the whole baby thing. I mean, yeah, I wanted a baby. Everyone else had one, so why not?

We would've been all right. She would've gotten over her baby fever or we would've adopted or something. She would've started carrying her half of the load around our place again. But then…fucking Alice.

Fucking Alice just had to come along and fuck everything up for me, didn't she? Bitch barely even gave me a chance to say no, to think it through a bit. Damn. Gave me her number the very first time we all went out to dinner, snuck it under the table and grazed my dick in the process. I mean, who the fuck wouldn't get excited, right? Especially when Bella was being such a drag at home. Nonetheless, I was _still_ debating whether I'd use the number or not the second time we all went out together about a week later.

It was to a new club that had just opened in Chelsea, and Bella was hoping to get some inspiration for some article she was writing. The second she got into a discussion with the manager, there went Alice gesturing for me to follow her. We ended up against the back door leading into the alley. I didn't even have to move aside her panties; she wasn't wearing any. Just pushed her against the door while she wrapped her legs around my hips, and I rammed my-

It wasn't even worth remembering. Yeah, at the time I'd thought it was, but I saw it clearly now. My dick saw it too apparently, if one went by the fact that _those_ shitty memories from a shitty club and an alley door were what managed to dispel the hard-on memories of my ex-wife just gave me.

But at the time, it was exhilarating as hell, I won't even try to deny it. I took Alice behind closed doors in my office, parked in dark streets in her car, in every room in her apartment. I let her buy me shit and told Bella my boss gave it all to me for a job well done.

I wiped my mouth again as a grin spread across my face. Yeah, it was fun for a while. But the grin turned into a grimace when I recalled the rest.

'_You want a baby, Jasper?'_ Alice asked me once while she rode me hard.

I mean, what are you supposed to say when someone's riding you like that? '_Not really, no; I just want to fuck you?'_

'_Sure. We'll talk about it later. But not now, babe. Right now, just keep moving like that. Yeah.' _

Sneaky bitch went and got herself pregnant anyway. Now, look at us.

'_Where are you, Jasper?!'_

"_When are you coming home, Jasper?'_

'_I saw you talking to that woman, Jasper!'_

'_At least change the baby's goddamn diaper, Jasper!'_

I should've stayed in Forks – Seattle at the furthest. But that was Bella's fault too.

'_Let's explore, Jasper. Let's break free. Let's travel. Let's go all the way to the other end of the country and live our best lives together, just you and me.'_

Her and her fucking dreams. It's her own damn fault, for being such a dreamer, head always in the clouds. That's why we ended up like this – with her a fucking basket case and with me shackled to another maniac.

Yet, even with her mental issues…God, seeing her today…she was still gorgeous. Her time in the loony bin and her current self-imposed isolation hadn't done a damn thing to mess with her looks. And that body, Jesus. She'd been wearing a pretty, white blouse today – kind of see-through, and seeing her bra made me think of her sweet, pink little nipples, and how she'd cry out when I sucked on them.

Other than that, she wore a fitted jean jacket and tight jeans. A simple, basic outfit but damn it played up to all those curves she had in all the right places, those perky breasts and that plump ass I couldn't help staring at when she turned her back to me. One little word of encouragement, that's all she would've needed to give me, and I would've taken care of her all night, the way I used to.

Damn it, there went another semi.

Instead, she looked at me like I was the devil incarnate. Like we hadn't been married for almost seven years.

'I was in the area, and I wanted to say happy birthday,' I'd grinned at her. And then…I'd waited, for her tears of joy at my return, for her arms around me, her warm mouth on mine.

'Why are you here?' she'd said instead, her tone cold and angry.

'I told you; I wanted to say happy birthday. Since we were what, ten-years-old, you and I haven't spent a birthday where we didn't at least see one another.' Another grin, this time, the sheepish one I knew she loved, and I'd looked over at her through my eyelashes, the ones I knew she adored.

'_Why_ are you here?' she asked yet again; this time, through gritted teeth. And I'd gone and lost my patience too because seriously, what the fuck? Why couldn't she just be grateful?

'Jesus, Bella, why can't you leave the hostility behind?'

'Are you fucking-'

From there, it had just spiraled. Over and over, she'd asked me to leave. She'd gotten mouthy over the past year. Nothing I was saying was working. And that's when I'd come up with the entire jersey excuse, hoping that would stir her memories of us.

Because I'd loved that jersey on her. She'd wear the jersey to bed – with nothing underneath. Hell, if I hadn't realized back then how that was the sexiest thing ever.

_Why_ had I forgotten that?

Even as I asked her for the jersey, I couldn't help the concurrent thought in my head of how damn hilarious it was going to be to bring home that jersey. I was going to lounge around in it, watch TV, feed my son, wear it to bed at night, and all the while, Alice would never know that I was picturing my naked ex-wife under it.

Unfortunately, none of it had worked out because Bella didn't even know where the fuck the jersey was.

Sighing, I signaled the bartender for another beer, and that was when my eyes landed on a group of women at the other end of the bar – three, no four of them. They were attractive, dressed pretty hot, giggling loudly, drinking cocktails and having a good time, the way single women had a right to do when out together. Two of them caught my eye more than the others; one because she was a petite brunette, her hair around her shoulders in waves, with minimal makeup from what I could tell. The one right next to her caught my eye because she was the exact opposite; blond hair obviously salon-styled, bright makeup I could see from here, and the louder giggler of the group.

I watched them for a few minutes, while I drank my latest beer.

I mean, it wasn't as if I was married, for God's sake. Alice could keep right on hinting 'til she turned blue in the face. I'd marry that one the day my dick shriveled off. Either that or the day she signed over her trust fund. Not likely to happen? Yeah, neither was our marriage.

I chuckled to myself at that one. As I chuckled, the brunette across the bar's eyes happened to sweep over to me. I grinned and raised my bottle to, shot her a wink.

In return, she smiled sweetly and resumed her conversation with her friends.

"Seriously?"

I kept looking, yet she didn't glance my way. Instead, the four women giggled and whispered. Their heads turned as one to their left, further up the bar and away from me, where a couple of guys were drinking their beers and in the middle of conversation. The group of women whispered furtively, sipped their drinks and laughed, eyes intently on the two men, who were completely oblivious.

I read the women's lips as they shamelessly ogled the pair.

"That hair!"

"Those eyes!"

They bit their lips and giggled, stared, and ogled some more.

"Unfuckingbelievable," I smirked. "Those two aren't even interested…"

I trailed off. My eyes narrowed, and I focused more carefully on the pair of men; the profile of on one of them in particular looking familiar. He had a head of dark copper hair and a slightly skewed nose with a bit of a bump on the bridge. Long legs and broad shoulders, and when he turned my way to check out the band for a few moments, his eyes completely skipped the women practically climbing over one another to catch his attention. I recognized the shape of those eyes if not the color, also the shape of the forehead, the squared jaw which supposedly suited guys, and the cleft chin he shared with his sister.

"Son of a bitch," I murmured to myself as his eyes swept back to his friend, completely skimming over the anxious women once again. Nevertheless, they stuck out their necks like giraffes in their efforts to place themselves in his field of vision.

I grinned to myself.

It had been over a year since that clusterfuck between his sister and Bella in that lobby. The poor fuck had ended up with a broken nose for trying to help Bella in the middle of her psychotic break. 'Course he'd been pissed off later that day when we all met in his and Alice's father's office at the hospital. The fucker had pushed me against a wall and said some pretty messed up things. He was lucky I was too bewildered by the events of the day to reply.

But all that was in the past. I hadn't seen him since that day. Alice and her parents mentioned he traveled a lot in his line of work – something to do with diseases? Either way, I was sure the guy had more important things going on than holding a grudge because I screwed his little sister with the windows open or because my ex-wife broke his nose.

What's more, he and his buddy were sure attracting a lot of the female attention in the bar – attention they didn't seem to care for.

I grinned to myself. As an apology for what went down in the past, for what my ex-wife did to his pretty nose, _I'd_ take on some of that unwanted attention he was receiving. Who knew? If big brother was drunk enough, maybe he wouldn't even notice…or care if I left with one those women.

_Turns out, Bella, I won't need you tonight after all. Me and my new buddy, Edward, are going to have some fun with the ladies._

I stood from my seat at the other end of the bar, picked up my beer, and headed toward my new buddy.

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**I think many of us have known a Jasper Hale – or someone similar – at some point in our lives.**

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

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"**See" you soon with our regular POV. :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts. :)**

**The long holiday weekend and a shitload of work waiting for me upon its end have me backed up today. :(**

**Therefore, here's a shorter-than-usual update, AND it doesn't contain a scene for which I posted a teaser on my Facebook page last week. I wasn't able to get it up to that point, BUT I'll hopefully have it to you guys later on in the week. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

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**Broken – Chapter 9**

After hitting my sweet spot, the morning rain and its partnering breeze spurred me on for that last stretch down the West Side Highway riverfront runner's path. When I hit the five-mile mark, I stopped and stretched my limbs, all the while accompanied by my favored track on my playlist.

'_We come from the land of the ice and snow. From the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow…'_

The track was suddenly interrupted by a call. With my cellphone on an armband, I didn't need to stop to check on the caller ID, though I had no intention of answering the call. There were few people whose call I'd take at that moment anyway. However, the person calling – face-timing surprisingly enough – happened to be one of those few people.

"What's up, Mom?" I said while continuing my forward and backward lunges. "Sorry if I don't stop."

"That's fine, sweetheart. I see I caught you post-run, and I don't want your muscles to stiffen up on you later, but I was reading my CDC Newsletter update this morning, the one on that app you showed me how to download? And it-"

"Mom, it's no big deal," I said, already knowing where she was headed.

"Edward, it's a _huge_ deal," she disagreed with a chuckle. "I'm so proud of you. The newsletter says you're the youngest epidemiologist the CDC has ever given the award to?"

I snorted. "It's all more publicity and excuse to party and pat ourselves on the shoulder for a job well done than an actual measure of the job. We all work hard."

"I'm sure you do, which is exactly why, every once in a while, it's good practice to stop and pat yourselves on the back – or at the very least, to allow _others_ to congratulate you."

"You're right, you're right," I chuckled, accepting the slight reproof. Then, halting my lunges and straightening, I offered Esme my full attention. On the small screen, I saw her seated at her kitchen counter, drinking a cup of morning coffee. She set down her mug and frowned.

"You do plan to attend the award ceremony that'll be held in Atlanta next month, don't you?"

I raked a hand through my damp hair and swept my eyes to the gray river, where thick droplets now pelted the water.

"And have to prepare an embarrassing acceptance speech?" I smirked. "I'm already going to be busy with real work I've got prep for the conference." The week-long conference. An entire week away from…_her_.

"Edward," my mom groaned.

"Mom," I groaned in return.

"How about if I meet you in Atlanta and attend the award ceremony with you?" Her eyes widened in excitement but the excitement was quickly doused by a frown. "That is unless there's someone else you'd rather attend as your guest?" she backtracked.

"No, Mom," I said, but for one moment, I pictured Bella dressed in a red party dress, clapping proudly from the front row as I accepted the stupid award and then gave a speech she'd helped me write.

"There's no one else." I sighed. "Would _you_ like to attend? I'll attend the stupid ceremony if you'll attend with me," I grinned.

"Honestly? I'd love it." Her ensuing shriek of joy made me laugh. "And I'm already designing your custom tux in my head."

"I'm sure you are," I chuckled.

OOOOO

When I turned the corner to the coffee shop that morning, I caught sight of Bella at her usual spot. Yet, within seconds, I could tell something was wrong.

Her cheeks were as colorless and gray as was the day. She seemed to be gazing yet not actually seeing the thick raindrops pelting the window right in front of her. And the biggest sign of all that something was bothering her: fingers which had moved like lightning for the past couple of weeks across her keyboard were now encircling a cup of coffee as if the cup was a lifeline. All the while, her laptop laid closed in front of her.

She didn't note my approach nor react in any way when I took the empty seat next to her, but that was as per usual. I waited a few minutes before angling sideways. Again, the stillness of her fingers startled me. It was as if they were frozen around her cup – all except for her left thumb, the only finger _not_ fisting the cup. It twitched spasmodically in a manner I couldn't completely see but which for some reason, made my stomach turn.

"Is the muse being flighty today?" I asked carefully; quietly.

For a few seconds, there was no reply. I began to doubt she'd actually heard me until the tone of her voice, tired and irritated, made my eyes widen.

"Leave me alone, please."

I considered it for a moment; I did.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" she replied harshly, less weariness and more annoyance now. "Maybe I'm just tired of your stupid, inane conversation."

There was another long pause while I struggled with the insult and with the instinctive, human reaction to either retort or to leave the scene. Fight versus flight.

But…this woman wasn't the woman I knew; the one who gazed softly at the park beyond the window. This wasn't the woman who grinned excitedly at her laptop screen while her fingers flew over its keyboard. This wasn't the woman who'd shared small yet significant pieces of herself with me – her views on people and on the windows which distorted that view, details on her housesitting gig, her habit of biting her thumbnail beds…of getting lost contemplating possibilities she didn't think she should contemplate…

'_Edward…I'm frightened…you helped me…'_

_This_ wasn't _that_ Bella. I'd extrapolated enough to know that much.

"You're not writing, and you've been writing nonstop for days now."

She exhaled heavily, one of those exhales purposely meant to signify frustration. When she turned toward me, her dark eyes were rimmed in equally dark circles. She hadn't slept, yet she was more than physically exhausted; she was mentally drained. And though I could tell by her expression that her next words would be as acrimonious as her previous ones, meant to offend me and push me away, I smiled at her.

And all the while, her left thumb continued its spastic, obstructed movements.

"Look, can you stop watching me? It's fucking…strange, Stranger," she spat.

She chose her words well; I had to give her that. While not necessarily the fanciest words, accusing me of stalking her while refusing to use my name got her message across.

And then, at the same time that I realized what her left thumb was doing, a sickeningly infuriating suspicion hit me.

"Do you miss him?" I asked, hoping she didn't notice how my chest heaved, because if that fucker had the balls to do what I suspected…

But the question caught her by so much surprise, I began to suspect my suspicions were wrong. When she finally turned my way, she took me in through rounded, startled eyes.

"How did you know I was once-?"

"You keep playing with your ring finger." I jerked my jaw toward her left hand, which she still had wrapped around her cup. "Except, there's no ring on it."

Slowly, she dropped her gaze to her left hand as if she'd completely forgotten she even had a left hand. Suddenly, the expression which consumed her beautiful features was no longer one of fury…but one of pain…and the sharp ache of betrayal.

She snorted, and with her eyes still on her hand, she smiled ruefully.

"I have quirky fingers, don't I? I guess…old habits die hard."

"So, do you?"

"Do I what?" she asked as if she'd completely forgotten what we were discussing.

"Do you miss him?" I repeated.

When her head shot up and she met my eyes again, the indignant fury was back.

"Why in the world would I tell you?" she scowled. "You're a perfect stranger."

"Maybe that's why. Who better than a perfect stranger to share your thoughts with?"

What the fuck was I saying? Jesus, what the hell was I doing? Emmett was right; I was walking a fine line here with Bella, and I'd just tripped over the wrong side of that line; pretending I was a stranger in my desperation to get her to bear her soul to me? _What the fuck?_

I fisted my rain-soaked hair and shook my head quickly. "Actually, Bella, don't ans-"

But it was too late.

"Those first few months, I missed him so much…so much I'd curl up into a ball at night," – she whispered the words as if she was ashamed to say them out loud, yet at the same time…she couldn't stop herself – "and I'd try to make myself as tiny as possible to see if that would constrict the pain that radiated into my every extremity. But then, I couldn't breathe. So, I'd remember all the things he said and those things he didn't say the last time we…spoke, and I'd stretch out my body as far and wide as I could in an effort to release the anger welling inside me. None of it helped me breathe, though."

My heart pounded painfully, hands balled into fists on top of the table. My mouth clamped itself shut in an effort to keep myself in check, fueled as I was by equal parts outrage on her behalf…and shame for the confession I'd extracted from her so clandestinely. Yet, as much as Bella had apparently been unable to keep her confession silent any longer…I was unable to keep myself from asking,

"And now?"

When more than a handful of seconds transpired, I assumed she wouldn't reply. Part of me actually felt relieved, because I had no right to know the answer; of course, I knew that. Yet, like a person standing directly under the Tree of Knowledge, I _wanted_ to reach up and pluck that shiny, red apple more than anything. So, when she did reply, I jumped up for that morsel.

"Now…I miss the idea," she breathed.

"The idea of him?"

"Yes. No."

She shook her head, dark eyes sweeping to the window. When she spoke, her words were measured, as if even as she said them, even as she tasted what was to me forbidden fruit from her mouth, the taste of it surprised her.

"No. No, that's not right either. I miss…the security that came with thinking he'd make me happy. I miss the sense of safety that resulted from believing Life would be that easy; you know? That I'd just place my happiness in someone else's hands and...poof," – she snapped her fingers and smiled wistfully at the world beyond the windows – "magic."

While I watched her recite her trance-like realizations, I sat mutely in my own daze of reverie until she blinked herself out of her musings. When she met my eyes once more, the self-conscious chuckle she offered me, in conjunction with her next words proved she'd completely misread my ever-increasing awe and the sense of respect that multiplied exponentially with every consecutive conversation between us.

"You probably think I'm some sort of lunatic, don't you? And if Dr. Rose heard me use that type of language to describe myself, she'd choke me."

_Bella Swan, I think you're one of the most magnificent and one of the strongest women I've ever met._

"I don't think you're a lunatic – not at _all_. In fact, I think it all sounds a whole lot like those windows you always talk about. There's no real substance to them, yet sometimes, they offer us a deceiving sense of safety while all along, they're stifling us. So, we've got to throw open those windows just to breathe. Maybe…maybe that's what your marriage was like."

"Deceivingly safe and stifling. Maybe," she mused, nodding slowly. When she tilted her head sideways and studied me, long, silky hair fell over her shoulder.

'_You're not concealing who you are for my sake. You're doing it for yours.'_

Cringing imperceptibly, I mentally shook the dream out of my head.

"Edward, how do you understand what I'm saying when I barely understand it myself; when we hardly know one another?"

It was time.

I'd taken enough from this strong woman without giving her any of myself – any of my _true_ self. Yet, the knowledge of what I was about to lose before I'd even gained it made my blood run cold. My lungs constricted, the deprivation of her presence, of our fleeting friendship, already being felt.

Her eyes narrowed while she waited for my reply, and I swallowed, and…

"Bella, I should probably tell you…" – I drew in a long breath – "I should probably…I should…I should go and let you get back to your writing. You should get back to your writing."

…and I couldn't do it.

Bella's smooth brow furrowed in confusion because she was too intelligent _not_ to be confused by that blundering, half-witted speech. Her eyes shifted almost imperceptibly to her shut laptop – where she'd obviously _not_ been writing.

Nonetheless, with a magnanimous nod and a soft smile, she backed away…and let it go.

"All right. All right; I guess you should…go so I can _return_ to my writing."

So consumed by self-loathing at my cowardice in the face of her bravery, I tapped the counter space between us harder than I'd meant to, obviously startling her yet again.

"Take care, Bella." My voice shook as I pushed back my chair noisily.

"Take care, Stranger."

I stood quickly, for the first time eager to be out of her presence. But even as I made it to the door of the coffee shop, even as I pulled it open, I couldn't make myself leave without stealing one more glance at her.

Poor Esme; so proud, thinking she'd raised a brave man.

Bella had already opened up her laptop, fingers poised and ready.

"Hey, Bella?" I called out, just loudly enough for her to hear me.

When she looked over her shoulder, she did so casually, easily…as if she'd been waiting.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes sparkled, and my heart leaped at the sight. She'd shared her bravery with me; I had to reciprocate somehow.

"For what it's worth, I think you're better off without him. You're better off without anyone who can't see what a…fascinating treasure you are."

She drew in a few successive breaths and swallowed.

"Thank you, _Edward_. I'm beginning to think so too." A two-second pause, and then, "Will you be here tomorrow morning? You know, to watch me write?" She offered me an impish grin.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good. I'll see you then."

And just like that, we'd turned another corner, strengthened our friendship, grown even closer…and I'd failed at telling her what I had to tell her.

"I'll do it tomorrow," I whispered to myself.

And with a deep breath, I walked through the door and out of the coffee shop.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for discussions, pics, and teasers): Stories by PattyRose**

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"**See" you soon. :)**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**I know I've missed an update or two on this one. RL has been kicking my butt lately. However, writing is what keeps me sane, though sometimes, there just aren't enough hours in the day. Either way, here's a nice, long update that'll hopefully make up for the missed updates. **

***FYI, that scene from the last teaser on Facebook? Still didn't make it into this chapter, lol. It SHOULD be in the next one. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. However, all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 10**

The following evening, I stopped by my parents' apartment.

My cousin, Jamie, answered the door, apparently taking a break from the studio business. I got this not from the grin he wore – he always wore a grin – but more from the round person he carried in his arms.

"Ed, Aunt Esme told me about the award you're receiving at the CDC banquet in Atlanta and-"

I groaned.

"-wait 'til you see what I'm designing for you. Oh, baby. Women will drool."

"Great. That's just what we promote at the CDC," I nodded, "drooling adults. Sounds good."

While Jamie chuckled, I shifted my gaze and found JJ's big, blue eyes zoomed in on me.

"Oh yeah, this little guy's here again, too."

"So I see."

JJ shot me a wary frown and opened his mouth, and with the memory of his screams from last time still fresh in my mind, I prepped for the impending explosion.

Instead, little JJ leaned across Jamie and stretched out his arms, mumbling unintelligibly.

"Hey, look at that," Jamie said, "he remembers you, and he wants you to pick him up."

"Is that what that means?" I reached for my nephew. "Let's see if _I_ remember how I did this last time without dropping him."

Jamie snorted. "Says the man who handles Biohazard Level Ten cryogenics on the daily."

"I hope your diaper's on correctly," I mumbled, using my right forearm to support JJ's behind. Then, I wrapped my other arm around what I assumed was his midsection. When the kid didn't topple, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jamie, Jamie, Jamie," I said, sucking my teeth in mock reproach regarding his lack of viral knowledge, "first, Biohazard is level four, not ten; there is no level ten."

"Uh-oh. Here comes the CDC lesson. Ready for naptime, JJ?" He made a snoring sound.

"Second, you don't handle Biohazard Level Four viruses on the daily; you need special clearance."

"You just _can't_ skip those details, can you, Ed?" Jamie laughed. "And special clearance or not, you're a lunatic to be around that shit at all."

My jaw tightened, and all my playfulness of a moment earlier evaporated. "Jamie, watch how you throw around certain words. We all have issues; it doesn't make us _lunatics."_

"I just meant you're a ballsy fucker. You couldn't get me within a mile of that stuff for all the money in the world."

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm real ballsy because I've got no problem handling an inanimate assembly of molecules that can't do a thing without a living host. Trust me, it takes more caution than balls to be around a virus, whereas people…" I shook my head, sweeping my gaze back to JJ and gently gripping the index finger he kept trying to dig into my eye, "no matter how prudent you mean to be around people, they're way more complicated and unpredictable than dead viruses. And…so are our reactions around them."

In the handful of seconds which transpired before Jamie spoke again, his eyes remained on me while mine remained on JJ and on his attempts at poking his finger into any opening in my face.

"If you say so, cuz; you're the virus expert, but I still say it takes balls." Jamie clapped my shoulder. "Hey, Ed, I apologize if I said something stupid. I wasn't trying to be a dick."

"No, Jamie." I shot him a rueful smile. "_I_ apologize. You weren't the dick here; I was. I got defensive because…well, it doesn't matter."

"Sounds like it matters a bit."

I waved away his bemused expression and focused on my nephew. "So, JJ, how's it going? Want to tell Uncle Ed what you've been up to?"

JJ replied with his usual gibberish.

"It's a woman, isn't it? You've been acting weird lately, Ed; well, weirder than usual for you," Jamie persisted.

Still, I kept my eyes on JJ. "Met any interesting people at the playground? Read any good books you want to recommend?"

"Yep. It's a woman. I can totally tell when they're wreaking havoc in a dude's system. For example, if you flushed any brighter right now, your sweet cheeks would match what's likely your quickly beating heart," Jamie said in a sing-song tone.

"JJ, can you give your Uncle Edward a high-five?"

"That's fine. That's fine. Don't tell me. But I bet I know who's got the deets." Jamie bounced on the balls of his feet. "Think I'll give Emmett a call later; haven't seen him in a bit. Maybe he's up for grabbing a couple of beers."

"Better yet, JJ, can you tell Cousin James that now he really is acting like a big ole, nosey, giant di-"

"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't you dare finish that sentence in front of the baby."

Esme strode over, wearing an expression equal parts horror and reproof as she balanced on her toes and kissed my cheek.

"That wasn't funny, guys. The language you're both using in front of him is outrageous."

Both Jamie and I snickered through somewhat empty apologies.

"And Edward, if that 'D' word happens to be JJ's first word, you won't have to worry about Alice finding out and killing you because I'll do the job."

When JJ's curious gaze shifted between me and his step-grandmother, I smirked.

"Mom, the kid can't even understand what we're saying, much less repeat-"

"Dihh…dihh…"

"That's a total coincidence," I said.

"Maybe he's trying to say 'Dihh-ad?'" Jamie offered.

"Dad. Dick. Same difference in his case," I said.

Jamie and I burst out laughing.

"That's enough. Hand over the baby." Esme reached up for JJ, but he grunted and gripped my jacket sleeves in his minuscule fists.

"All right, all right," I said. "I'll stop, Mom – even if it's true."

Sighing, Esme pulled back. When JJ realized I wasn't handing him over, he turned and took in his step-grandmother over his plump shoulder, shooting her what looked like a smug grin.

"You devious little…" I chuckled. "Did you see that? He totally played us!"

Esme smiled tenderly at him, ruffling his hair – hair which, after having had the unfortunate luck of bumping into his bastard father a couple of evenings ago, I noted was the same exact color as that asshole's.

My mom swept her gaze to me and quirked an eyebrow.

"Do you see, Edward? This is why I told you to stop. Babies understand a lot more about the dynamics of the world around them than they get credit for understanding. Sweetheart, someday you might be a parent yourself…"

Of course, my traitorous mind instantly took me to places…to possibilities… What was it a certain brunette had said the other day – something about _'contemplating possibilities I really shouldn't contemplate?'_

A baby with auburn hair and coffee-toned eyes popped into my head, and in the next fraction of a second, I popped it right back out.

"…and knowing you the way I do," my mom continued, unaware of the mental upheaval her words had just caused, "I know you wouldn't appreciate anyone ridiculing your child's mother in front of your child."

My nostrils flared. "No one _ever_ better-"

I cut myself off but not before Esme's eyes widened. "No one ever better what?"

"Never mind. The point is, what _I'm_ saying is true," I scowled. "The guy's a douche."

"Edward," Esme snapped.

"What?" I said impatiently now.

At that moment, JJ reached out and started flipping my lower lip, giggling at the resultant blubbering sound.

"Ehhh…Ehhh…"

"No way he's trying to say 'Edward' now," Jamie said. "That kid picks up everything."

When I pulled his finger away from my mouth, JJ quickly used his other hand. When I held on to that one, he stilled long enough for me to let go, but when I did, he swiftly went for my mouth again. I laughed hard and instinctively brushed my lips against JJ's forehead.

Yeah, he was small and malleable, but he was smart too. Maybe he couldn't understand precisely _what_ those around him were saying, but he could…extrapolate from a situation.

Maybe one day, Life might force him to understand that his father was an asshole. Maybe that knowledge would come by something he heard from someone; maybe it would come by something he overheard himself; or maybe by something he saw himself. Either way, there was no benefit to hastening that bit of knowledge. If anyone knew that much, it was me.

A sudden rush of more than affection, a fierce sense of protectiveness toward my nephew, my flesh and blood regardless of all else, washed over me.

"I'm 0 for 2 tonight. Sometimes, Uncle Edward's sense of humor sucks." This time, I offered JJ an apologetic grin. "Sorry, kiddo."

"Ehh…Ehh…"

"Goodness, he adores you, Edward," my mom laughed. "You may just end up being his first word."

"Wouldn't my sister just love that?" I grinned crookedly. "Speaking of which…where…?"

"There was another incident with…well, you know."

"Yeah," I muttered, "I know."

"Though she did ask this time if she could drop the little one off for a bit, and I'd rather know he's well taken care of. Besides," Esme gently caressed JJ's cheek, "he really is such a good boy. Between Carlisle and I, we take turns watching him, set him on his mat, and he just happily plays and observes the world around him. He rarely complains unless something's really bothering him. Otherwise, he's too busy to cry." Her green eyes met mine. "He reminds me so much of you when you were a baby, in temper and mannerisms, if not so much in looks. Funny, isn't it, how Nature works?"

"I don't know that I'd call Nature funny, but…is Dad home?"

Esme nodded, and a vertical crease appeared between her brows. "He's in his office, waiting for you."

"Come meet us when you're ready," I said. "But remember what you said about small ears?"

"Yes. Of course. Let me just get JJ settled. Jamie, do you mind keeping an eye on him for a few minutes?"

"As you said, Aunt Esme, he's a good kid. Doesn't seem to love his cousin Jamie as much as he loves his Uncle Edward, but I'll forgive him."

Esme grinned softly and reached up for JJ.

"Ehh. Ehh!" JJ said as my mom took him.

OOOOO

"Your mom told me about the award you'll be receiving next month, Edward." My dad steepled his hands on top of his desk. "I want you to know how proud I am. I know it's not an easy job – the path you've chosen, the work you do – and to be singled out on top of it? That's quite an impressive feat. You should be proud of yourself and honored."

Seated in the chair across Carlisle's desk, I squirmed uncomfortably, while images from a few other, similar conversations held between my dad and me in here over the years flashed through my mind:

'_I'm proud you made the honor roll.'_

'_I'm proud you were named your team's MVP.'_

'_I'm proud you got into Cooper Union.'_

And so on and so forth.

And yes, I knew he was genuinely proud. Yet somehow, his praise always seemed stilted and strained, or perhaps it was the way I acknowledged that praise, with stiffness and defensiveness that always sounded churlish even to my ears. It was as if we were two bad actors who'd been playing the part of father and son for decades, yet despite the long-standing roles, our performance was always lacking.

"Thanks, and of course I'm honored, but that's not why I do what I do."

"Obviously, I didn't mean to imply it was _only_ for the pride and honor," he said quickly, leaning forward against the thick mahogany. "Nonetheless, it would've been good to hear the news from you rather than having to wait for your mother to tell me."

"It's not like I was spreading the news around, Dad. Mom found out on her own."

"Edward, there's nothing wrong with being proud of the work one does. Your mother and I both-"

"Dad, can we drop the subject? That's not why I'm here."

Carlisle sighed. The door behind me quietly opened and closed, and we stood as Mom took the seat beside me. All the while, our gazes held.

"So, what's going on with Alice and that asshole?" I asked once we took our seats again.

Carlisle pressed his lips together and raked a hand through his hair.

"We don't exactly know, but they argue quite a bit since the baby was born."

"And as far as we can tell, those arguments have only escalated since Jasper lost his job," my mom added.

"When she comes over after an argument with Jasper, she's usually fuming."

"But she's tight-lipped. You know she's never liked admitting she was wrong," my mom said.

"Or that she might deserve what comes her way every once in a while?" I said.

"Edward." My dad frowned. "Don't you feel the slightest bit of symp-"

"Oh, I'm full of sympathy," I spat, "but not for lying, cheating-"

"Carlisle, _don't_." My mom shook her head from side to side. "Don't try to make this about Edward or about _his_ supposed lack of sympathy. Had those who should've shown some sympathy in this situation actually shown it, we wouldn't be here right now."

"Mom, I can handle-"

"Esme, I only meant-"

She angled herself completely toward me. "I'll say this, Edward. A child changes everything, how we view and handle entire situations; sometimes for the better, and sometimes despite our good intentions, things don't work out for the better. When one person isn't ready for the child they've brought into the world, it's a shame. When both aren't ready, it's a travesty, and somebody needs to step in. In this case, it seems that both Alice and Jasper weren't ready. It would also seem she thought she'd won some grand prize, while he…well, who knows what he was thinking when he left his wife the way he did?"

"I have no fucking clue – excuse my language."

Esme's brow furrowed before she continued. "Either way," – again, she looked at my father – "your sister has always wanted what she wants, and from the bits and pieces I've gathered, it appears Jasper can't be bothered to either openly defy her or to completely give in to her. So, she's basically stuck in a purgatory of her own doing."

I snorted and shook my head. "He's playing mind games. It's what he does."

Carlisle frowned. "How do you know?"

"I saw him at a bar downtown a couple of nights ago, and the bastard approached me as if we were long lost buddies," I snarled.

"And what happened?" my dad asked warily.

"I let him know we weren't."

"What was he doing downtown?" my mom asked.

"That's what I was hoping one of you might know. He said he was a visiting a friend, but…" I shook my head. "I don't buy it."

"We have no way of knowing, Edward," my father said. "But other than drinking your sister's money away in a bar, what do you suspect he was doing?"

"Nothing," I said swiftly because I wouldn't involve _her_ in this. If it was true that Alice and Jasper were way too engaged in their own misery to even think of _her_, then I'd call that a godsend. There was no way I'd risk having _her_ name reach either of those assholes' ears again. Never again.

I stood. "I don't suspect a thing. And by the way, Dad, you want to know who I feel sympathy for? For JJ because he got stuck with those two – who are both sneaks in their own way. Alice fought an underhanded fight to get the cheating bastard she's got. Now, the closest to sympathy I can show her is simple advice from me to you to her: tell her to kick the fucker to the curb. Or tell her to keep closer tabs on him," I shrugged, "closer than she apparently already has to keep." Snorting, I shook my head. "Purgatory indeed. Take care, old man. Mom, I'll meet you in your studio."

OOOOO

The following morning, Emmett and I were stretching post-run. His early morning text, eager and ready to join me, was a surprise. Usually, getting him to agree to rise with the sun was akin to getting him to agree to elective surgery. Then, he'd constantly ask me to slow down, to run shorter distances, both which I hated.

Yet, here he was: as awake and energized as me, and both of us lunging to the tunes streaming through our earbuds.

"_They will not force us. They will stop degrading us. They will not control us. We will be victorious," _I mouthed as I pulled one arm forward and then the other.

"_All right, stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with my brand-new invention!"_

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Em? For a second there, based on the beat, I thought your musical taste had finally taken a turn for the better. But then came the lyrics."

Emmett laughed. "What? It's a classic!"

"The _beat_ is classic – another band's classic."

"Hater," Emmett snickered. Then, leaving the lunges behind, he broke into a nineties hip-hop dance.

"_If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."_

"And on that note, I'm out of here."

With Emmett's laughter resounding behind me, I walked off, but he quickly fell in step with me.

"So, where are we going?"

"I'm going…for coffee."

"Great. I'll come with you."

I shot him a sidelong glance. "I thought you didn't like the coffee place I frequent?"

"I was thinking we could try a new place."

I shook my head. "Nah."

Emmett sighed. We walked without conversation for the next couple of blocks, until we reached the corner to the coffee shop.

"Have you told her yet?"

"I meant to tell her yesterday, but it wasn't the right time."

"What, she looked sad again? Or did she look happy and you didn't want to make her sad again? Or was the sun not in the right alignment with the-"

"I get it, Emmett."

"Do you?" He frowned. "Cuz I'm not so sure you do."

We stopped just outside of the coffee shop, and I raked a hand through my sweat-dampened hair, averting my gaze, and keeping it away from the window, beyond which I could already sense her…recognize her outline in my periphery. Instead, I held Emmett's gaze.

"You know, after every time my dad beat the shit out of my mom, he'd swear he was never going to do it again. And he meant it."

"What the hell?" I said, jerking back indignantly. "You're comparing me to your abusive father?"

"No, Edward. Of course not. But he had good intentions. He honestly never meant to hit her again. Yet, he did. So here's my point: sometimes, good intentions aren't enough."

"It's not the same – at all."

"No. Your case is a lot simpler."

"It's not as simple as you seem to think it is," I scowled.

"_P__uñeta." _He rolled his eyes. "I didn't say it was simple. I said your case was _simpler_ because you're not an abusive asshole. But the truth, Ed? It's way past overdue. All your delay is doing is making things worse for yourself, never mind for her. I know _you_ care about her, but _my_ concern here is for my buddy."

"Don't try to tell me I'm slacking off at work," I said. "I'm as on point as ever."

"Yeah, _comemierda_, you are – for now. But you're fidgety; anxious, and you've got a shorter temper than usual, as evidenced by that almost-bar-room-brawl the other night."

"That fucker's lucky I didn't-"

"Yeah, yeah, he is," he agreed, waving it off impatiently, "but Jamie tells me you got somewhat testy with him as well."

"What the…? You mean he actually called you? I thought the fucker was joking." I shook my head and snorted. "You know, when people say women like to gossip, they've obviously never met you two."

Emmett chuckled unrepentantly. "Don't worry. I told him you were probably just stressed from work. It's not my place to say more. But he was concerned, Edward." He laid a hand on my shoulder. "_I'm_ concerned as your buddy _and_ as your wingman at work, that this _will_ start affecting you in larger, more significant ways. Our job requires a healthy mind and body connection. You know that."

"Says the guy who only came running this morning to act as my armchair psychologist," I smirked.

He chuckled guiltily. "Hey, I do other forms of exercise." After a few moments, Emmett's eyes cut to the window, and he jerked his jaw.

"That's her, right? The brunette?"

My eyes easily followed the trajectory; half of my attention had been there all along. Bella sat by the window, focused on her laptop and typing away. I sighed at the sight of the small smile playing around the corners of her mouth, her lips forming words I couldn't hear, yet words which made her eyes sparkle even from here.

"Well, she _is_ gorgeous, so on that count, I can see why you can't stay away."

"That has nothing to do with why I can't stay away. Do you see how her mouth moves around those words? That means she's creating. And you see that soft smile she's wearing? That's the same smile she wears when she looks up and through that window. It fades sometimes, depending on what she sees…or on what she's thinking. But lately, that smile is around more and more."

When I looked at Emmett, he was watching me through bemused eyes, brow furrowed as if trying to understand a foreign language.

"Or maybe it's just the way _I_ see her, Emmett. Either way, it doesn't matter."

"Edward, ever since you and I started working together, you've always chased the most difficult cases. It's why you've risen so quickly at the Center."

"You think that's what this is?" I asked in disbelief. "The thrill of the chase – or the degree of difficulty?"

"Either way," he said, patting my shoulder, "I'm not going to convince you to come to Starbucks with me, am I?"

"No, not at all."

"Dunkin'?"

"Nope."

OOOOO

Maybe it was my imagination or even wishful thinking, but for the handful of minutes that I sat at the counter waiting for my coffee order – as well as for a fresh cup for Bella – I could've sworn that more than once, Bella's fingers paused and hovered above her keyboard. Then, she'd look up, her head tilting slightly to one side while her eyes slid in my direction.

A small grin lifted the corners of my mouth as I recalled her last words to me the previous time we met:

'_Will you be here tomorrow morning? You know, to watch me write?'_

"Hey, Edward, I've got a new one to show you!"

Bree leaned across the counter, a bit closer to me than necessary. She held my coffee mug in one hand and a small jug of steamed milk in the other.

"Bree, not now."

Ignoring my protest, she steadily poured the steamed milk into the coffee mug, and with a similar series of steps as last time, she created yet another foam design. When it was done, she looked up.

"Isn't that cool? You sure you don't want me to show you how to do it? It's super easy! It'd be better if you drank whole milk, but I know you like skim. Either way, I can make lots of things, just tell me what you want to make? I can make flowers, the sun…a _heart_." She breathed the last word huskily, but then she giggled like the college freshman she was. "And you can Instagram it all and get like a zillion likes! It's like a little morning mood lifter that doesn't leave that smell on your thumb and forefinger."

I quirked a brow and pulled back. "Just the coffee is enough of a mood lift…" My eyes flashed toward Bella. "Actually, Bree, do you think you can give me a super-quick lesson?"

"Oh my God, sure!"

OOOOO

When I slid a fresh cup of coffee toward Bella, her head shot up, and I sprinted back to the counter for my cup and the steamed milk.

"Thanks for the lesson, Bree; I'll bring the jug right back."

She frowned darkly. "Wait, where are you-"

I turned back toward Bella and found her eyes already on me. They jumped upward to my face when she realized I'd caught her staring, and I couldn't help the wide grin that spread across my face. Her cheeks flushed, but not in anger or even out of embarrassment; it was something more akin to…pleasure.

"Wow, actual cups and saucers," she said as I slid into the seat beside her and set down the cup and jug. "Thank you, but I already have coffee." She gestured toward her untouched cup.

"I know, but I'd bet money you've let it go cold, which is unacceptable because hot coffee should _never_ be consumed cold."

"Says who?" She offered me an impish smile.

"Says the very definition of _hot coffee_." Her ensuing laughter gave me a boost of courage. "Besides, I figured if we're going to meet here often, we might as well save the environment and have our coffee served in real cups."

"I suppose it's the environmentally-friendly thing to do," she agreed with mock solemnity.

"What's more-"

"There's more?"

My chest swelled. She was in a playful mood.

"Oh, there's plenty more. _What's more_…" I picked up the steamed milk jug which rested on the counter space between us, "I've got something super cool to show you, so pay attention."

When she saluted me, I laughed and spilled some of the milk over the rim.

"Pig."

"Stop," I whisper-hissed out of one corner of my mouth, making her chuckle quietly. Then with a deep breath, "Here we go. Watch closely."

I screwed it up – big time. The foam design meant to be an olive branch looked more like a dead twig.

"Ta-da," I announced self-mockingly.

Setting down my implements, I looked up at Bella, already offering up a rueful smile. She'd crossed her arms against her chest, hands fisted tightly as if attempting to keep them still. Her eyes were intently focused on the foam, and I mentally prepped an apology for what turned out to be a waste of her precious, creative time with my poor attempt at what was clearly her realm of expertise.

"It's kind of crooked, I know," I admitted, "but I'm a novice at latte art, and I was told whole milk would've worked better…"

Bella's eyes inspected every inch of me, focusing everywhere except my eyes. When she finally completed whatever inventory she was performing, she did meet my gaze, and what I saw had me setting my jaw to withhold a loud hitch of breath.

Her eyes, always beautiful even when clouded by melancholy, were now as clear as the most precious opals, unobscured by any sort of sorrow. Emmett had thought her gorgeous through the window; he'd find no words for her brilliance now.

"Tell me what you do, Stranger," she smiled, a teasing lilt to her tone, "that leaves you with time for daily morning runs followed by people watching in coffee shops, and interspersed with learning novice latte-design tricks?"

As I sat back and sighed, Bella's opal eyes followed me intently as I rested one leg over the other and picked up my coffee.

"Well, when you spend half of your life and a pretty decent sum of money on medical school, daily runs followed by long coffee breaks where you talk to fascinating people and show them your novice latte art skills are the least Life can do to make it up to you."

She laughed, and in a moment of helpless inspiration, I leaned forward and closed the gap between us so that only my coffee cup acted as a barrier.

"And by the way," I murmured, swallowing thickly, "my name is _Edward,_ not Stranger."

Bella stopped laughing.

"I know," she said simply, offering me yet another impish smile. "Though, I suppose I'll have to call you _Doctor_ now, huh? But I'm still confused, _Doctor_. Don't doctors have patients to see?" Her brow furrowed. "Or are you one of the reasons why malpractice suits are so prevalent nowadays?"

"I'm a medical epidemiologist, Bella. I don't see patients; at least, not in a private office type setting."

Her mouth fell slightly ajar.

'_That's quite an impressive feat, Edward. You should be proud and honored.'_

I mentally shook my father out of my thoughts. Meanwhile, Bella raised both eyebrows.

"How stupid will I sound when I admit I'm not sure what that even means?"

"You won't sound stupid at all. It's a mouthful which simply means I work for the CDC examining patterns of disease."

"Is _that_ all? Wow." She nodded, openly displaying her admiration. "What type of research do you do?"

"Well, are you sure you want me to get into that?" I offered her a warning grin. "I've been told on more than one occasion that I can get so lost in the details I bore my listeners to death and completely eliminate the need for diseases. And I'm sorry," I chuckled, "that was a pretty tasteless joke."

"I found it funny," she shrugged. Mimicking me, Bella sat back, crossed her legs, and flourished a hand in invitation. "But please, get lost in the details. I promise I'll try not to die of boredom."

God, even her sense of humor amazed me.

"All right. But remember you asked for this," I jerked my jaw toward her still-untouched coffee, "and drink that while it's still nice and warm."

It took off well enough; better than the latte art attempt, I had to admit. I started with basics on my job with the CDC, chasing viruses and diseases around the world. Then, I explained how my department worked in conjunction with the World Health Organization to keep track of world-wide events and prevent them from becoming catastrophes. Through it all, Bella listened with what appeared more than courteous attentiveness. She seemed genuinely engrossed.

"Edward, you're like the James Bond- no," she put up a hand, "better yet, you're the Jack Ryan of viruses and diseases," she said.

I will admit, my chest puffed up a bit.

"Well," I chuckled, "I don't know about all that."

"_I_ certainly think so." She smiled broadly and pushed her hair behind her ear. "Please. Continue. It's all so fascinating."

"Uhm…o-kay."

I described my most recent work with the flu and revealed the yearly struggle to keep the various strains from growing into pandemics.

"Like the Spanish Flu did at the tail-end of World War I," she nodded, "though it didn't originate in Spain at all."

"No, it didn't, but since the news was censored in all the combating countries during World War I-"

"-and Spain was neutral," she said, taking over, "the disease was reported widely there, which in turn gave the impression that it originated there."

"Correct," I nodded eagerly. "Nowadays, most epidemiologists agree it originated in France, but most people are still under the impression that the viral strain originated in Spain. I'm surprised you knew that, Bella." I grinned proudly as if I'd just watched her make the original discovery of where the Spanish Flu originated.

"I may not be an erudite doctor like you, _Doctor_," Bella breathed, and for one long moment…for one long moment, as she bit her lip and pushed her hair behind her shoulder so that her smooth neck was uncovered…unconcealed, she was the epitome of sexy, "but I'm not a total ignoramus when it comes to viral strains."

If I didn't know better, I would've thought Bella was flirting with me.

Unfortunately, I did know better, and unfortunately, it sort of went downhill from there. At the mention of viral strains, I kept going, and I learned that Jamie was right; I physically couldn't skip the details, not even for Bella.

"I've done it, haven't I? I've completely lost you. Your eyes are glazed."

She magnanimously suppressed a yawn, making me adore her even more.

"Not at all. Okay," she smiled ruefully, "I'll admit, you lost me a bit when you got into specific strains, but…wow, Edward. That's all amazing, and pretty fucking frightening in places. Also, you travel a hell of a lot."

"I do. Right now, I'm on a short break while I wait to hear whether I'll be headed to China again this year or somewhere else, depending on priorities; could be California, could be Madagascar. Who knows?"

"I've got to admit, as amazing as your job sounds, it's all the traveling you do which fascinates me the most."

"It gets a bit exhausting, believe it or not." _And lately…lonely._

"I've always wanted to travel."

She said it so dreamily, with such a far-away look on her beautiful face, as if she was picturing herself in some exotic land. For a moment, I saw her… I saw _us_ in that undisclosed and remote corner of the world – Africa, Asia, Europe – who cared where because we were huddled together in bed while she bit her thumb beds raw and typed away on her Mac, and I compared one virus strain to another on my PC, and we set them down and-

"Why haven't you?"

She shrugged. "I was involved in other things, I suppose; other endeavors and priorities, which didn't pan out. And anyway…" And just like that, a wall, almost physical in its entity, suddenly appeared and threatened to rise between us, "my ex-husband wasn't much for traveling. He always complained everything was too far away." She picked up her forgotten coffee mug, but it was no longer a mug; it was a shield.

Goddamn fucking, mind-fucking, small-minded, hick bastard Jasper.

"Forgive me, but your ex-husband sounds like an uncultured and undereducated idiot."

Behind her coffee cup slash shield, Bella coughed and choked, and I cursed myself to the deepest pits of hell. Droplets of coffee spilled over the rim as she set down her cup and tried to regain control.

"Shit. Shit, I'm sorry." Reflexively, I reached out and patted her back, and even through her sweater, the warmth of her seeped into my undeserving fingers. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Finally, she stopped coughing, and I forced myself to pull back my hand.

"Thank you, Edward." Her voice was gravelly and hoarse. When she looked up, her cheeks were flushed, eyes swollen and red-rimmed from the force of her coughs.

But then…she chuckled. "He was…_is_ an idiot. And he's even more geographically-challenged than I am." She quirked an eyebrow as if challenging _me_ to figure out those last words – as if every discussion between us wasn't chiseled into my skull.

"Clearly," I snorted. "You said you're from Washington State, right? That's a six-hour or so direct flight from here."

"Yeah," she agreed.

_Where would I take you, Bella? What places would you love?_

I took a guess. "You know, it takes about the same time to fly to London direct from here."

"London? I'd _love_ to visit London. But I thought it was further away."

"Obviously." Leaning in close enough to smell her shampoo, I murmured in her ear. "With your geographical prowess, you probably thought London was near Japan. By the way, Japan is on the _other_ side of the planet."

Bella shoved me away hard – laughing the entire time.

"Shut up, Edward. I know very well where London is."

"Do you?" I smirked. "Where is it?"

"In England," she grinned.

"And where exactly is England?"

"In Europe."

"In what part of Europe?"

Silence.

I roared in amusement, but it was more than her poor world geography. It was a combination of relief, joy, comfort, attraction, interest…and so much more. More than anything, it was the fact that she was so laid-back and mellow…so beautifully carefree today.

"Laugh all you want. Someday, I'll go, and I'll be able to answer any question you throw at me regarding England's geography."

_Oh, Bella, baby. You have no idea the lengths I'll go to now to make sure your dreams of travel come true._

"That actually sounds like a great plan." I brought my coffee mug up to my mouth. "But get ready because when that happens, I plan to test you."

"Do you have family, Edward?"

When I choked, it was Bella's turn to pat my back. Afterward, she made a covert attempt at wiping off my sweat on her jeans. Nevertheless, this was my chance – again.

Here was my fucking chance again.

"Yeah. Yes, Bella. I have a family."

I stopped. God help me, I stopped. And being the intelligent creature that she was, Bella didn't miss the vagueness.

"Well? What is it, a wife? A husband? Kids? A partner with no clue that you sit and take note of the coffee preferences of perfect strangers?" she spat, nostrils flaring, arms crossed against her chest.

"No, Bella." I frowned. Her accusations – allusions to betrayals, comparisons to assholes – stung, and my own sense of indignation reared its head. "Of course, not," I snapped. "I've never been married. I have no _wife_, no _husband_, no _kids_, no girlfriend or boyfriend or life partner of any sort," I hissed.

For a few moments, we both fell silent, scrutinizing one another.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to imply…" she snorted, "I think it's pretty obvious I have some…issues."

I was an asshole after all.

"Jesus, Bella," I choked, "please don't apologize to _me_. Yes, I have a family. Parents, grandparents, cousins, a sister," I said quickly, hiding her in front of aunts, and uncles. "Some of them live here, some of them live elsewhere, but we're not particularly close. I suppose I travel too much, and besides..." I shrugged. "Anyway, enough about me," I said, and all the while, I knew it _wasn't_ enough about me. "Tell me about you."

"My current narrative may not be as interesting as yours."

The sad smile made a hated return.

"There's no way that's true." I gestured with my jaw toward her laptop. "Trust me, I've watched you go at that close enough to know there's no way that's true. But go ahead," I teased, hoping to make her smile, _really _smile again. I crossed my arms against my chest. "I'll give you a chance to prove me wrong. I'll even start things off for you. You're a writer," I grinned. "Go."

But the ensuing result wasn't what I'd hoped for. Yeah, she chuckled, but it was a bitter chuckle, full of self-deprecation I knew too well.

"Maybe once I was, though I'm not so sure about that anymore. I wrote nonsense for a small, relatively unknown publication here in the city, yet I allowed it to validate me more than it should've." She shook her head, and her gaze panned away from me, toward the windows and the cool September sun. "My parents are divorced, and they pretend it was the friendliest divorce in the history of divorces, but in reality, my mother broke my father's heart. I think, on some level, I knew that all my life, and I resented both of them for it, so that when I was faced with my own divorce-"

She cut herself off sharply, while my heart beat against my ribcage.

"I'm sorry." The words were barely a whisper, yet she shook her head almost violently, wrapping her sweater tightly around herself, white knuckles fisted around her forearms, shivering as if the outdoor chill had reached through the windows and wrapped itself around her.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed again.

It was instinctive, innate, inborn in me to try to comfort her in any way I could. And at that moment, as I cocooned her hand in mine, squeezed it, stroked my thumb against her knuckles and gave her my warmth, I knew…I admitted to myself…telling her who I was wasn't an option…not right now.

"Don't be sorry." She looked up at me, eyes wide as if she was surprised…as if she had no idea I'd never walk away from her. "Bella," I swallowed, "I…"

"So, what happened to your nose?"

My hand fell away, and I blinked successively, trying to clear the startled, befuddled daze in which her sudden question left me.

"Sorry." She offered me a sheepish smile. "I didn't mean to point it out if it's a sore point. Get it?" she smirked. "_Sore_ point."

It took a handful of seconds more before I was able to chuckle. I raked a hand through my hair, and now I was the one who needed the reprieve or the punishment provided by the windows.

"A sore point? I guess you can call it that. Fucking fractured noses bleed a lot, and you need both hands…" Rubbing the uneven bridge of my nose, I scowled and shook my head while my mind replayed That Day with vivid clarity as if it was reflected in the window. "There was a fight, and I had a run-in with an errant elbow."

Beside me, Bella hissed. "Sounds painful."

Even now, she had no recollection of it, and that…was the painful part.

"It was…a strong elbow. Made me see stars." Again, I grinned, stupidly proud once more, this time of both her physical strength…and her refusal to take their bullshit That Day.

I turned and met Bella's gaze. "The fracture healed rather quickly, though the nose is a bit skewed now, huh?"

"It's not too bad." She grinned. "It's probably only noticeable to those people who observe others way too closely."

I quirked an eyebrow. "If I'm not mistaken, Bella, we're discussing an observation _you_ made about _me_?"

"Fine, fine." She chuckled, waving away my observation. "Anyway, it suits you."

"A crooked nose suits me?"

"It gives your face rugged character. Plus, you can go around telling the most outrageous stories about how you got it – a pub crawl that went one bar too far, a game of rugby you kept from turning more vicious than usual, a bodega robbery you foiled single-handedly. The possibilities are almost endless."

I swallowed hard. "And this…is one of the reasons why…I find you utterly fascinating."

Had I not been blinded by my own desires, I would've sworn Bella's breath hitched.

"But Bella, you've turned me into the hero in all of those versions."

"If you're the one retelling the story," she shrugged, "why not turn yourself into the hero?"

Again, I had to look away from her, and I should've stopped and examined what that meant. I should've examined my reflection in that window and taken note of what it mirrored back at me.

"It _is_ a funny thing about windows, isn't it? You're right about them. Because, Bella…" I whispered, "I don't think I'd be much of a hero in the real version." I forced myself to meet her eyes.

"I probably shouldn't have joked about it. It doesn't sound like it's something you want to make light of."

"You know what?" I sighed. "I'd be almost glad I got it if it wasn't for the fact that…a really great person got hurt a whole lot worse than I did that day."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with so much heartfelt sympathy even Carlisle would be impressed. Though, he'd likely think the sympathy was due elsewhere. "I hope that person recovered well."

"I don't know if I was much help or hindrance, then _or_ now, but at this point…"

"At this point?" she prompted. A second later, her beautiful, smiling face hovered in my line of vision, making me smile in return, despite everything.

"You know, my therapist assures me that yoga and running are both great for clearing the mind."

I chuckled quietly. "So have you taken that advice?"

"Well, I started yoga this morning. As for running, I've run on treadmills in the past," she frowned and shook her head, "but I'm not sure how to do so on city streets, what with all the traffic and pedestrians."

I snorted in amazement. "Guess who's an expert at running through city streets?"

Bella raised both brows. "How far do you run every morning, Edward, and how quickly?"

"Uh…"

"Yeah, I thought so," she snorted. "Thanks for the offer, but much like you with your latte art, I'm a novice."

"And I'm a great instructor," I persisted, ready to make any concessions to prove it true. "We can start slowly and only go short distances until you work up your stamina."

Bella looked hesitant. "I don't know. I'd hate to slow you down and ruin your morning routine." Her eyes flashed to my chest but quickly bounced back up.

"Bella, trust me when I say…I'd love to run with you." It was as close to the truth as I could offer for now.

For a few, tense seconds, I waited for her reply. All the while, she held my gaze. In their dark yet clear depths, I could see her considering it, examining the possibility…contemplating much more….

And then, a small smile pulled against her lips...

"Okay."

And our mutual world of possibilities collided and expanded.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook (for discussions, pics, teasers, etc.): Stories by PattyRose**

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**FYI:**

**For those of you who've been following UPRISING, I just want to make sure you all know I've gotten back to that one as well. It'll be updating again in a day or two. **

**For those of you who've followed The Age of Innocence (which will be published as "A Requiem to Innocence"), in honor of the 75th Anniversary of D-Day, I've posted an excerpt of the upcoming novel on my Facebook page. **

"**See" you soon!**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts and for keeping this story in mind despite your busy lives and the lack of updates! I haven't forgotten it either, but summers get hectic, work gets hectic, plus my UPRISING muse returned and has kept me busy as well. But here we are again! :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. Some belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**Broken – Chapter 11**

* * *

**Good morning, Bella. Hope you slept well and that you woke up energized for our first run. Are we still on?**

Fastening the cellphone to my wristband, I took a deep breath and headed for the door. Whether Bella replied or not, I had a morning run to get to, and a physical and mental health routine to keep. Nonetheless, nothing could suppress the smile that spread from ear to ear when the cellphone vibrated a minute later, just as I reached for the doorknob.

**We agreed on 6 a.m. Monday, didn't we? It's 5:50 a.m., and I'm around the corner from the coffee shop. I warned you I'm not a morning person, so I really hope you're not going to make me wait. Oh, and good morning to you too, Edward.**

Chuckling to myself, I typed out a reply while I ran down the stairwell.

**Luckily, I'm morning person enough for both of us, and I only live a couple of blocks from the coffee shop. I won't be late. Promise.**

**We'll see. It's 5:52, and I'm now in front of the said coffee shop.**

Grinning broadly, I left my apartment vestibule at a brisk jog. The crisp, early October breeze prickled my skin and whipped up my hair as it whistled past my ears. At this time of year, dawn wouldn't break for another hour or so, with only the barest hint of daylight staining the sky like wine splattered across a dark carpet.

But New York City was already wide awake; streetlights, headlights, apartment lights, and store lights provided a glow the sun wouldn't grant for a while yet. Energetic conversations, the wafting scent of morning coffee and sizzling lunch meats at the corner vendor carts, the blare of rush hour traffic, and quick, determined strides against concrete; all these were daily reminders that this city really never slept.

Mid-intersection, my phone vibrated yet again, and I had to fist my hands to stop myself from becoming one of those reckless pedestrians I usually threw dark scowls for crossing the street while checking their phones.

As soon as my feet hit the curb, I gave in and read Bella's text.

**It's 5:54, and I still don't see you.**

**You weren't kidding about your early morning mood. **

**5:55, Edward. Less texting. More running. **

Chuckling again, I turned the corner and spotted Bella.

She was in front of the open-for-business coffee shop, facing the opposite direction and eyes obviously scanning the street. Her head was tilted sideways, which made her long, dark ponytail sweep past her right shoulder. The strands contrasted beautifully against her light-colored hoodie; I'd asked her to wear one to ensure she was seen in the pre-dawn darkness. She also wore black running tights, and I couldn't help noting how they outlined her plump backside and her shapely legs.

Before approaching, I drew in a series of successive breaths and released them through narrowed lips.

"Easy, Edward," I murmured.

Because in Bella's book, we were two people barely beyond acquaintances, who would or wouldn't now, _possibly_, become more. Yet, in my book, we'd been more for the better part of a year. As I covertly came up behind her and leaned into her exposed ear, she sucked her teeth, her thumbs moving briskly over her cellphone keyboard.

"Where is this-"

"Boo."

Bella's breath hitched as she spun around, cellphone held in mid-air. Meanwhile, I threw up both hands, palms out between us.

"Whoa, whoa. Bella, it's me," I laughed.

"You…you highly intelligent yet senseless…" Nostrils flaring, she dropped the hand holding her cell phone and shut her eyes, placing a palm on her chest. "Didn't anyone ever teach you never to sneak up like that on a woman? Don't you realize I could've killed you?"

"I'm sorry," I said, attempting to rein in my humor. "But what would you have killed me with, your cell phone?"

"Maybe," she snapped, not at all amused. "I could've bludgeoned you with it, slammed it over and over your head," – she motioned – "before I even realized who you were. Trust me, in moments of intense fear…I tend to panic." She swallowed. "It's gotten me in trouble before."

Fuck. I was an idiot. This time, when I replied, it wasn't nearly with as much humor.

"I really am sorry, Bella. I wasn't thinking. The last thing I want to do is frighten you."

Forehead deeply furrowed, she scrutinized me through a dark, fiery gaze while in my periphery, I watched her chest heave furiously.

"Look, I'll completely understand if you want to just forget our run."

Despite the evenly delivered external offer, internally, I fought to disguise my self-inflicted misery. After all, I had no one but myself to blame. What the fuck had I been thinking sneaking up on her that way? While Bella drew in heavy breaths, I waited with mine baited, fully expecting her to tell me to fuck off – and deservedly so. Finally, she spoke.

"I don't want to forget our run. I suppose I overreacted." The words were accompanied by a conciliatory smile.

"No," I shook my head. "No, Bella. Don't take this on yourself. There was no way you overreacted. I was stupid to approach you that way."

"You were being…playful, and my reaction was over the top, and once again, you must think I'm nuts."

"Are you kidding me?"

She looked away, shaking her head from side to side.

"Bella?"

Instinctively, I slipped a finger under her chin and led her dark, spell-bounding eyes back to mine. Again, Bella's breath hitched, but this time it seemed less related to fear and more to surprise.

"Hey," I breathed, "I've already told you, I don't think you're nuts. What's more, I don't like hearing you call yourself that…and I'm sure Dr. Rose wouldn't like it either," I added softly.

She chuckled. "You're right, Edward. She wouldn't," she said, offering me a curious smile. "You remembered my therapist's name."

I shrugged. "Recalling. Extrapolating. It's what I do. I pay attention."

She nodded slowly, holding my gaze as she pulled away. "And you do so very well," – she quirked a brow – "most of the time."

I sighed remorsefully. "You were absolutely right, Bella. No man should ever approach a woman the way I just approached you. It _was_ stupid, and I would've completely deserved a bludgeoning from your cellphone."

"Yeah, you would've," she laughed, but I caught the ensuing shudder.

"Truly, Bella, I really am sorry I frightened you."

"Stop." She waved a hand in dismissal. "Stop, Edward. It's not even that. Though it was pretty stupid, and you may have deserved getting bludgeoned, it's just…" her eyes narrowed and panned away, "the thought of my accidentally hurting _you_ in a blind moment of panic...it's strangely disturbing."

My breath left me. "Bella…"

"Anyway," – she swept her gaze back to me and shook her head decisively – "let's forget about it."

"But Bella-"

"Seriously, I don't want to discuss it anymore. We've spent way too much time on this."

"Fine. But-"

"Which way are we running, Edward?"

For one long moment, I silently held her gaze.

"Your choice. Either way, first we have to stretch."

"Yes, sir." When she saluted me, I laughed despite myself…and despite my continued inability to fess up.

OOOOO

On our first run together, I taught Bella some stretching exercises, and then we ran the river, from bridge to bridge. However, any conversation we carried on was stilted, short and cursory, and only revolved around our run – watch the puddles, avoid the shit piles, the pedestrians stuck to their phones and paying no mind to the clearly marked running trails, and of course, pay attention while crossing the intersections.

Once she seemed to get the hang of it, Bella fell silent. It wasn't so much an awkward silence but a clear and single-minded preference for exercise over conversation. It appeared we'd be running partners…and little more. Still, if anyone knew the benefits of exercise to clear the mind, to create inner peace which led to outward health, it was me. If our runs helped her in any way, I'd quietly bare the silence and lack of true friendship. With a sidelong glance at her and a wistful smile for all that could've been, I adjusted my buds in my ears.

"They're like diamonds, aren't they?" Bella said a while later, out of the blue. Her gaze had been on the river.

"Carbonado," I replied after a pause. Bella turned and gave me a questioning look, running at a slower pace, which I fell to instantly.

"Carbonado?"

"It's a black diamond made of diamond, graphite, and carbon. It's usually pea-sized and unusual for being found in Brazil and in the Central African Republic, neither place which is in the least associated with the town of Kimberly in South Africa. The town of Kimberly is-"

"It's where most diamonds originate."

I grinned and nodded. "Carbonado is also peculiar because its properties are different from those of typical diamonds. Many believe Carbonado originated in outer space and are actually meteors from a supernova explosion. The meteors drifted for about a billion years before impacting Earth at a region which would later split into Brazil and the Central African Republic."

For a handful of seconds, I felt Bella's gaze on me.

"And I suppose the better answer would've been yes, Bella, the way the morning rays fall over the river make it sparkle as if it's hiding dark diamonds. Sorry for going off on one of my tangents." I chuckled self-consciously.

"It may have been the more straightforward answer, but I don't know that it would've been a better answer. Don't apologize. That was extremely interesting." When I turned and met her gaze, she grinned.

"My mom and I," I said, "we have a habit of collecting useless information. It drove my father nuts when I was a kid, and I purposely went off tangent during our conversations." I rolled my eyes.

"Really?" She faced forward. "I'm not used to that."

"You're not used to a discussion on the origin of black diamonds while jogging through the city?"

"No, smart-ass." She smirked and faced forward. "What I mean is, well, my mom and I don't have the closest relationship, and my dad…he's always too worried about me to relax enough to share useless information."

"And your friends?" I asked.

"I've lost track of a lot of…friends – if that's what you can call them. But even before I lost track of them, our discussions usually revolved around celebrities or parties or the latest news…or their children."

"Sounds like you had a lot of superficial, self-involved friends if you don't mind me saying."

"I don't mind. Do you have close friends, Edward?"

I nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "Not too many, but…yeah. My co-worker is a good buddy, and one of my cousins and I are pretty tight."

"You mentioned you have a sibling?"

"Yeah, but we're not-" I shook my head and cleared my throat.

"Oh. I don't have siblings. Anyway, maybe it was partly my fault I've had shitty friends. I never spoke of what I really wanted to speak of. I never brought up or asked for those tangents. I never really got to know them or…allowed them to know me."

"You purposely kept things superficial."

She nodded thoughtfully. "When my ex-husband and I were teenagers, we talked about your typical teenager stuff. But when we got married, it became about bills and responsibilities and whose turn it was to throw out the garbage and schedules and…and our relationship didn't quite mature along with us. So, when things got tough, and I wanted to really talk, neither of us knew how. He was still stuck on being the high school golden boy and on Forks - our hometown - and I..." Her dark eyes flashed to me, and she chuckled. "I certainly can't picture him and I ever being comfortable enough with one another to discuss outer space diamonds."

_How could such a deep woman have married such a superficial bastard?_

"Why did you marry him?" I found myself asking.

Bella's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"

"I've spent a lot of nights asking myself why it ended – the lack of maturity being one of my conclusions. But you're right, Edward. Maybe the question should be why did I marry him in the first place? Interesting. Maybe something I could bring up with-" In my periphery, I saw her shoot me a quick glance. "And now, I've given you more than you ever wanted to know about me."

"That's not even remotely possible, Bella."

She smiled and looked at her feet. "Your turn, Edward. Tell me more about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Let's see. Well, where did you learn that bit of information about black diamonds, or _carbonado?_"

"You know, you never say or ask what I expect you to say or ask."

Again, her eyes flashed to me. "What did you expect me to say or ask?"

Our gazes held for a handful of seconds before I forced myself to face forward or trip.

"In Brazil," I replied, "while I was there following a Yellow Fever outbreak. I learned those infected had been on a tour of caves where carbonado was once discovered."

"During your Jack Ryan slash James Bond-like investigations?" she teased.

I snorted. "Yes, during those."

"Did you tour the caves?"

"Not so much toured as inspected," I clarified, raising my brows.

"Ahh. Because it's a job and _not_ a vacation." When I looked at her, she shot me a wink.

I chuckled. "Bella, you sound like my co-worker, the one I mentioned before. He seems to think we're on vacation half the time."

Bella laughed. "Edward, I've got to admit, your work sounds dangerous but fun as hell. Tell me more about these caves."

"Not much to tell. They were caves," I shrugged. "Dark, dirty, and dank."

"Is that what you put in your report afterward?"

"No," I snorted.

"Then there was obviously much to tell. What were the caves _like_, Edward?"

"What were they _like_, huh?"

For the next quarter hour or so, I described the Brazilian caves to Bella – from their size to their shape, color, temperature, scent, to what I saw on the inside and outside. By the time we stopped for our post-run stretches in front of the Statue of Liberty, mid-river, the sun hovered above the statue's crown, and Bella's mood had performed a complete one-eighty.

"Dark, dirty, and dank," she scoffed, referencing my first description. "Now _that_ was great. _Now_ I feel like I was there."

"Believe it or not, I'm glad you weren't there, Bella," I said. "Yellow Fever can be more than nasty; it can be deadly."

She looked up from her lunges and eyed me warily. "I hope you take precautions, Edward."

"It's the first rule," I said in between burpees. "Protect yourself before you protect others. Otherwise, you won't be able to help anyone, and you might make matters worse."

"Do you stick by that rule?"

"Religiously."

"Good." She stopped for a moment. "Like I said, your work sounds dangerous, but man, I'm thoroughly impressed. I might even steal some of that scenery you described, maybe even the concept of a magical diamond from outer space, for something in the future."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

She offered me nothing more than a grin – and a great view of her backside as she bent over to stretch – in reply.

"Ah, I see how it is." I removed my sweaty shirt and hung it around my neck. "You get me to spill my guts while you-"

When I realized how hypocritical what I'd been about to say actually was, I cut myself off.

The thing was, for almost our entire run, I'd managed to forget what originally tied Bella and me together. But now, here it was again, that elephant which was only visible to me. Meanwhile, Bella eyed me closely. Her gaze flashed to my bare torso, more specifically, to my tattoo.

"What music were you listening to, Edward, before I interrupted you with my game of twenty questions?" she asked, looking away and at Lady Liberty as she stretched.

"I wasn't listening to music."

When she looked up, damp tendrils of hair hung limply from her ponytail, and again, I was tempted to reach for them.

"Yeah, you were. You had your earbuds in."

"You were quiet this morning." I shrugged. "I didn't want you to feel pressured into holding a conversation."

"Edward…" she exhaled, "I've slowed you down today – and don't try to tell me I haven't. On top of that, you shouldn't have to pretend you're listening to music. If our runs are going to make you uncomfortable…"

Straightening, I walked over and sat cross-legged on the grass next to her, bending my legs at the knee and resting my arms over them. After a moment, Bella sat beside me and mimicked my pose.

"Bella, I interrupt you a lot when you're lost in thought."

"Is that why you had your earbuds in, because you didn't want to interrupt me? Jesus, Edward, this is your run. I'm just an intruder."

"But I only do so when you seem upset," I continued. "You didn't really seem _upset_," I said carefully, "and I don't want to interrupt your introspective time."

For a long while, Bella stared at me. "You've learned to tell the difference between when I'm upset and when I'm just quiet." The words were murmured, pronounced more like a statement than a question.

I nodded.

"I don't even know what to say to that. No one – other than my therapist," she snorted, "has ever taken the time to tell the difference. I've told you about my old friendships."

"Maybe it's time for new friendships. Plus, I don't want to give you reason not to run with me again. It gets a bit lonely," I grinned.

"But you have good friends."

"I do, but they're lazy," I smirked, "and maybe…I want to run with you."

Silence.

"Edward, you really mean that, don't you?"

"Of course, I mean it." Unable to control myself any longer, I reached across for an errant lock of her damp hair, pushing it behind her ear. "Why wouldn't I?"

Her eyes searched mine.

"I have to tell you something. I have mental health issues."

"Don't we all to one extent or another?"

"Thank you for that," she smiled faintly, "but Edward, there was once a dark cloud hovering over me. It followed me everywhere. It affected everything. It's gotten better – much better. Its lightened in both weight and color over the past few months, even more over the past few weeks."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"It is. I can write again, when for a long time, even before I realized I had these issues, my fingers felt as heavy as lead. I literally struggled for every word I wrote. Now…" she offered me a truly carefree grin, unlike any grin she'd offered me before, "now, I'm writing things, and I'm not even sure where my inspiration comes from. It's exciting, and I see that light at the end of the tunnel, but…"

"But…?" I prompted.

"But sometimes, I wake up, and the cloud is back, and it's darker than the night before, and I don't know if it'll be a good day, or if I'll be able to shake off that cloud. And before our running partnership continues," she smiled, "I thought you should know I'm not all sunshine and roses."

"Believe it or not, Bella, I kinda know that."

When she rolled her eyes and shoved my arm, I chuckled and instinctively reached for her hand, brushing her knuckles before I pulled my hand away.

"Guess what? I'm not all sunshine and roses either," I said. "Bella, I won't downplay or minimize what you feel or to what extent you feel it. But that cloud, I've experienced similar ones. And the morning runs, they help."

"So, you've got clouds too?" she smiled sadly.

"I've got clouds too." _And a lot of them are the same ones you have._

"Strange," she whispered, "that you know what I just meant with that whole 'cloud' reference. When I tried to use that metaphor on my mom, I could hear her brain scrambling over the phone."

I swallowed hard, and as she looked away, I saw the silhouette of a smile spread across her face as she murmured quietly to herself.

"A Stop sign means more than green and red, more than bad and good, more than asshole-"

"What?" I snorted.

Her eyes panned back to me. "Nothing." She chuckled. "Just repeating some stuff my therapist told me."

ooooo

In the weeks that followed, I came to learn that Bella was like a flower: darkness, rain, clouds and the like, they didn't suit her. She dealt with them, yeah; but a sunny morning and bright sunshine…they transformed her. Sometimes, we talked about seemingly inconsequential subjects, yet with every conversation, regardless of how inane, I got to know Bella more and more. And with every conversation, my initial extrapolations were proven correct.

"I see what you're doing, Bella," I said one morning during our run. "You always take the riverside."

Her playfully guilty laughter was like a shot of adrenaline.

"It just gets so hot, and I need the river breeze," she complained, grinning, "and you're so tall, you block it if you run on this side."

"Forgive me for my excess height," I teased, shooting her a sidelong smirk as I reached behind my neck and pulled off my shirt, wrapping it around my shoulders. "Yet another bone I'll have to pick with my father."

"You seem to have a lot of bones to pick with him."

"You have no idea. But, please, go ahead and help yourself to the breeze coming off the river."

In my periphery, I could see her eyes on me for a handful of seconds. "Unlike you, Edward, I can't just pull off my top and cool off that way."

"Can't you?"

She shoved me away hard, and I chuckled as I turned and ran backward, keeping pace a couple of feet ahead of her. Angling her head sideways, her eyes narrowed as she studied the intertwined eagles over my right peck. I could read the daily curiosity in her dark, sparkling gaze, the questions beyond her slightly parted mouth. Nonetheless, when she met my eyes, cheeks flushed from either the run or being caught staring, she made no inquiry.

"I'm just joking, Bella. We're only halfway through our run, and if you were to do that," I grinned, lavishing a hand in her direction yet keeping my eyes on hers, "I might be forced to kick an ass or two, and our pace would suffer."

"God forbid our turtle pace suffer," she countered drolly, "but thank you, oh fucking hero, for your modern-day take on chivalry."

I laughed so hard I had to stop and lean forward.

Then, about three weeks into our runs, Bella's pace improved to the point where we ran at a speed where I finally hit my runner's high again. Whooping and hollering, I ran literal circles around her, while she frowned and smiled, watching me with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. Afterward, as we stretched post-run, she asked for details, as she often did.

"Edward, explain to me this runner's high because that was some serious rush of adrenaline I just witnessed, what with the fist-pumping," – she threw a fist in the air and pumped it a couple of times – "the whooping and the hollering," – she dropped her voice to a low pitch and whooped and hollered, making me burst out laughing – "and then with the shirt coming off."

"Are you going to re-enact that moment too?"

Yeah, we'd grown more comfortable with one another.

"You wish, you perv."

I snickered guiltily, but when her gaze flashed to my tattoo before quickly jumping back up to me, I briefly wondered if I was the only one whose mind wandered down those avenues more and more. We were no longer simply acquaintances, and while some of our interactions confused the shit out of me with how they bordered between banter and flirtation, I was too fucking chicken shit to push and find out. Then, there was the matter of that elephant in the room – or along the running track to be more precise – the elephant only I saw.

Bella cleared her throat. "It just looked pretty…exhilarating."

"Bella, you have a habit of never quite saying what I think you're about to say."

"What did you think I was about to say?"

There was no point in ruining the perfect mood, the perfect morning, the perfect moment – for either of us. Perhaps later, if the bright sun disappeared, if it rained, and the morning took a nosedive on its own. Maybe if Bella's perfect mood dissipated of its own accord, and she no longer looked quite so carefree or as happy as she looked at that moment. Maybe then, I'd tell her.

Emmett's sardonic words from a few weeks back crossed my mind:

'_What, she looked sad again? Or did she look happy and you didn't want to make her sad again? Or was the sun not in the right alignment-'_

I shook my head. "Never mind. I'm not sure it matters at this point. But yeah, the runner's high is pretty exhilarating. It'll take a bit, but we can definitely work on getting you there. You're a good runner, Bella, for a novice," I teased.

"Thanks." Her one-word reply sounded distracted. She offered me a vague nod, scrutinizing me yet again as she took a step closer to me. "But I wonder…is the runner's high as exhilarating as sex?"

I couldn't even disguise the manner in which my breath left my lungs. I dropped my arms to my sides and took a step closer to her, swallowing.

"Well…it's been a while for me."

Bella quirked a brow. "Has it?"

"You sound surprised."

"I am," she said.

I snorted. "Why?"

She shrugged, and again, her eyes quickly flashed to my chest. "Lots of reasons. Though I suppose, in your career, the practice of safe sex is highly stressed?"

"It is," I nodded slowly. "But it's more than that."

"Such as?"

Like a deer trapped in bright headlights, I held her gaze, in semi-disbelief that we were actually having this conversation.

"Such as, I'm not a casual sex sort of person. I learned…early on," I smirked, "the dangers inherent in sleeping around. It doesn't mean I judge those who are fine with it," I shrugged. "It's just not…for me."

All the while, Bella held me captive within her dark, sparkling eyes. "Interesting. You still haven't answered my question, though."

I chuckled tensely, raking a hand through my damp hair and scratching my head. "What was the original question again?"

She smiled impishly. "I asked…how does the runner's high compare to actual sex?"

"I suppose…" I fisted my hair, "it's a poor man's substitute."

For a long while, our gazes held. The late October breeze whipped up Bella's ponytail and the ends of my hair. When Bella broke out into fits of laughter, wrapping her hands around her midsection, I scowled at her.

"You can be a fucking she-devil."

"You should see your face, Edward. It's so red." She laughed and laughed. When she finally stopped laughing, she snorted. "Come on. Let's skip coffee this morning. I'll treat you to some nice, cold ice-cream."

"Gee, thanks," I smirked as I followed her.

But in reality, I was on Cloud Nine with how things were going between Bella and me.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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"**See" you soon.**


	13. Broken Chapter 12

**A/N: It's been a while, I know. Rather than offer excuses (like it's summer, and work sucks, and the kids are home, and life in general is a busy bitch), let's get right to it! Super long chapter ahead. Like seriously, pack a lunch or something.**

**Thanks so much for all your continued, wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest are mine. So are all mistakes.**

**Broken – Chapter 12**

The vendor handed me two _piraguas_, one cherry and one pineapple, and I gave him a twenty.

"Thanks. And sorry, I don't have anything smaller."

An older gentleman, he waved a liver-spotted, soft hand in a dismissive gesture and provided a reply in a heavy, Spanish accent.

"'No problem_. Ta bien_, y_ buen provecho_. _Son los ultimos del año. _I say, 'Enjoy the last piraguas of the year.'"

Pulling a wad of money out of his right pocket, he counted out my change before pausing and gazing up at the crisp, late October sky.

"I be here no more this year. Nobody wants piragua when it's cold. _Los días buenos desaparecen, y llegan los dias fríos. Pero, con un poco de suerte y paciencia, los dias buenos regresan. Aunque a veces toman tiempo, tu sabes."_ Returning his gaze to me, the old man shrugged tired shoulders. "I say, 'Summer goes bye-bye, and cold arrives, but with a little luck and patience-"

"With luck and patience," I smiled, "the good days return, even if they take a while."

"Asi es la vida." The old man nodded, and his grin grew two sizes when I shook my head as he held out my change.

"Keep it. And thanks again." I turned around.

"_Gracias, chico!" _he shouted after me_. "Y que tú y esa linda novia que te espera allí se las pasen bien caliente este invierno!" _He laughed raucously.

Meanwhile, Bella waited for me on a concrete bench a few feet away, facing the riverfront. We'd run across the Brooklyn Bridge that morning and were now in the area called DUMBO, with a view of the silver, city skyline as the sun settled over the Freedom Tower.

"What did he just shout out?" Bella asked when I took a seat beside her and handed over her cone.

"Something about the different flavors he carries," I lied.

"A strange thing to shout out when you've already bought the icies and you're walking _away._"

I shrugged.

"Your cheeks are red," she noted.

"From the run," I lied again.

The dubious frown she gave me was quickly forgotten and replaced by a moan when her tongue flattened against the yellow, pineapple-flavored syrup mixed in with ice on top of her cone.

"Jesus, Edward." Another long lick. "This has to be the most delicious post-run treat in the world."

"It's good, huh?" I grinned while sucking up a mouthful of my own bright red, cherry ice.

"Totally, and I'd bet _this_ is better than your runner's high." When she chuckled impishly, I rolled my eyes.

"Just enjoy your piragua, smart ass," I said in mock reproach, which only made Bella snicker. "I was also informed this is his last batch of piraguas for the year, so less teasing and more eating."

She snorted. "Fine. But damn," Bella sighed, "Edward, why are you just introducing this concoction to me now?"

"Sorry," I chuckled, "but there _is_ next summer, you know."

"Is there?" She eyed my cone. "Well, can I taste yours, since I won't get to order my own cherry one any time in the near future?"

"Sure."

I held out the ice cone and waited for Bella to suck up a few grains of cherry-flavored ice. Instead, she stuck out her tongue and flattened it along the cone's plastic rim. Then, with her eyes on mine, Bella trailed her flattened tongue upward from the rim to the circular top of the ice cone, then back down along the other side, all while sucking huge mounds of the red ice into her mouth.

"Now you _have_ to give me your icy." She chuckled mischievously, wiping red rivulets streaming down her chin with the back of her hand. "It's got my germs all over it, and I know how much you hate germs."

At that moment, my thoughts had little to do with Bella sucking on _ice_, but I maintained a neutral expression as I handed her a napkin.

"So, my ice cone's got your germs all over it now, huh?"

"Yep," she grinned, wiping her mouth with the napkin, "all over it."

I quirked a brow…and sucked on what was left of my cherry-flavored ice.

Bella burst into laughter. "If your fellow epidemiologists could see you now, they'd revoke your Jack Ryan slash James Bond CDC spy license."

"Is that what I carry?" I chuckled. "Some sort of secret CDC spy license?"

"Yeah. That's the real reason for next week's conference, isn't it, the one you're attending in Atlanta? It's a secret CDC spy conference. That's why you're so hush-hush about the whole thing."

I laughed hard through her entire scenario. "Bella, I'll say it again. You've got an amazing imagination. However, the conference is _not_ a secret CDC spy conference. It's just…a conference," I shrugged.

One where I would be receiving an award for my _"unmatched and almost uncanny ability to extrapolate information with more than typical accuracy, and oftentimes, with life-saving results,"_ as my superior, who'd recommended me for the award, had phrased it. But I didn't know how to mention it to Bella without sounding like a pompous asshole.

"What was the title you told me you hold at the CDC? Epidemiological Investigator? That sounds like a spy to me."

I chuckled. "It's just a mouthful, and all it means is that I get to pour over a bunch of mismatched puzzle pieces and figure out how they fit. And the thing is, Bella, _I_ make mistakes. Those other guys you mentioned – Jack Ryan, James Bond – they don't."

"I'm sure you don't make too many mistakes." She frowned, and a long, deep line abruptly marred her smooth forehead. "No joking around, mistakes would put you in danger in your line of work."

"Maybe I don't make too many mistakes in my line of work…but I _do_ make mistakes. Bella…"

"Don't we all?" Bella said after a long pause. She searched my eyes, but by that point, I'd buried the secret too well for it to turn up by casual observation. And no, I wasn't proud of it. I was ashamed as fuck.

"You're red again," she grinned instead, "and don't tell me it's because of the run we finished ten minutes ago."

But apparently, I wasn't too ashamed to allow Bella to unwittingly steer the conversation away from the truth.

"And you're super greedy and don't tell me it's because you have to wait until next summer for your own cherry piragua. You're just greedy. I've noticed."

"Have you?"

"Yeah. I notice things, remember? You're red as well. And your tongue's red. It's red and yellow now as a matter of fact, which serves you right for swallowing half of my cone in one go."

"Swallowing half your cone?" she mimicked slowly. "You wish, Edward. I know where your mind went just now."

I snorted so hard ice shot up my nostrils. "You're so…bad," I chuckled while pinching the bridge of my nose with two fingers and sniffing up the excess moisture.

"Watch you don't skew those nostrils any further. Right now, their slight skew gives your face rugged character, but another millimeter or so would've changed the story."

Fingers still on my nostrils, I glanced up at her with a raised eyebrow. What _would_ she say if she knew; if she could remember? The last thing I wanted was her pity.

Meanwhile, Bella laughed. "Edward, just go get another icy if innocent little me ate too much of yours. You paid the vendor for about twenty of them even though you only got two."

I shrugged. "I'm good. But it sounds like _you_ might want another one. Would you like me to get you another one?"

She shook her head and chuckled. "I just enjoy teasing you. But tell me why you gave the vendor such a big tip for two icies?"

"He offered me philosophy along with the _piraguas._" I stressed the proper name for the ice cones.

"_Peer-ahh-goo-ahhs_."

"If my half-Cuban buddy ever heard you pronounce it that way, he'd throw you into the East River."

Bella shoved my arm and sucked up the rest of her ice cone. "Philosophy like what?"

"Like, 'The good days disappear, and the cold days arrive, but with a little luck and patience, the good days return, even if they take a while in doing so.'"

Bella offered me a languid, thoughtful nod. "Sounds like something Doctor Rose would say."

"You have Doctor Rose," I smiled, "I've got piragua vendors across the bridge in Brooklyn. Now, let's get-"

When Bella rested a hand on my forearm, the air around us both stilled and thickened with her scent – lavender soap and the sweaty scent of a clean woman. Her fingers branded the spot where her hand covered me.

"Hey, you don't just have ice cone vendors, you know that, right? I mean, I know I'm not all there, mental health-wise-"

"Bella, stop. Don't say-"

"But if you ever need someone to talk to, really talk to…I mean, sometimes, it seems like you've got a lot of stuff on your mind, Edward."

I swallowed hard. After a few moments, Bella smiled softly.

"You're one of the good guys, Edward."

My heart twisted painfully in my chest. What had I done? Jesus, what had I done? Sweeping my gaze away from her because I simply couldn't look at her at that moment, I pretended to study the sparkling river.

"I'm not sure what you're basing that determination on."

"I can extrapolate too," she said with a quiet chuckle. "Doesn't sound like you get along very well with most of your family, but you do keep in touch. When your mom texts you, you reply right away. When your dad texts you, you make a face but reply after a few anyway. You've got a cousin who must send you dirty memes or something because his texts always make you laugh. Texts from your coworker make you roll your eyes and laugh, so yes, you've got a good relationship with him as well. You keep the general population both here and abroad healthy at the risk of your own health. You're a generous tipper," she said, and I could hear the teasing in her tone again. "And more than all those…you picked a stranger up off the streets and taught her how to be a great city runner."

My head shot up. "That one's wrong."

"Fine. A good, not a great city runner. A decent-"

"No. I mean the part about us being strangers. We weren't strangers, Bella. Not at all."

"No. We knew one another from the coffee shop. You're right."

It was moments like these, when two paths opened up before me – one full of sunshine and of her and the other…a complete, unknown abyss – when I couldn't think straight; when I was physically unable to open my mouth to say what I wanted to say, what I _needed_ to say.

After a few moments, Bella's hand fell away, which left the spot where it had rested on my forearm as cold as the ice in our cones.

"You wanted to know why I tipped the vendor so generously. It was because he offered me some hopeful philosophy," I said.

Bella gazed up at the sky, much as the piragua vendor had done so.

"He's right. The weather _is_ changing," she mused. Again, her dark, spellbinding eyes met mine. "I prefer warmth and sunshine. I've told you before it's one of the reasons why I was so desperate to leave Forks. Perhaps it was even one of the reasons why I never noticed what a shitty marriage I was in. As usual, I was too unobservant, too distracted by what I saw through the windows."

"Don't," I hissed. "Don't blame yourself for what others kept from you, Bella. Besides, it sounds like your husband was a manipulative asshole."

Now Bella snorted.

"May I ask you something?" I said. "Why New York and not someplace like California, if you wanted sunshine when you left Forks?"

"I really don't know. I just knew I wanted to be in New York. And my ex-husband agreed easily enough." She shrugged. "An unbending will was never his problem – more like an inability to make a decision and stick with it. Anyway," she shook her head as if shaking off dark thoughts, and just like a coward, I let her change the subject yet again. "I think it'll be a good winter. For one, no matter what, it doesn't rain as much here as it rains in Forks. For another, Doctor Rose has been wonderful with arming me with coping mechanisms for those drearier days. And last but not least, there's…well…"

"There's…?" I prompted.

When she'd sucked up half of my ice cone and gotten it all over her mouth, she'd missed a spot in her clean-up. It was a distracting red dot now, right at the juncture of her top lip and bottom lip.

"There's a bit of icy…" With my thumb, I gently wiped off the scarlet stain. But then my finger lingered, ghosting back and forth. Our gazes held.

"Did you get it?" she murmured.

"Yeah," I whispered, swallowing hard. "Yeah, Bella."

"Okay, thanks. And by the way," she breathed, "it's not icy, it's _peer-ahh-goo-ahh."_

Her mouth twitched, and when she lost the battle and burst out laughing, I pulled my hand away.

"You're a pain in the ass. You know that, right?"

"Edward, the point is," she said softly once she stopped laughing, "I…I think the vendor is right. With a little luck and patience, the good days…maybe even better days, do return."

And it was _these_ moments – not _those_ moments when she'd tease me with her suggestive tone or her delicious tongue or her provocative comments, no – while I enjoyed the hell out of those moments, they were exactly that: teasing.

But _these_ moments, when Bella opened herself up to me, when she allowed me peeks into her amazing mind and warm heart, when she offered me hints that maybe, just maybe this strange dance we were performing around one another meant more to her too, that perhaps she was attracted to me as well, that perhaps…if I ever worked up the nerve to cage her face between my hands and kiss her breathless, the way I dreamed every night, she'd be receptive…

"Maybe even better days," I echoed.

It was _these_ moments which fucking tortured me.

Because I _couldn't_ reach out and cradle her face, pull her close, and kiss her the way I'd been dying to kiss her for months. Not with what lay between us…without her knowledge that it was even there.

Holding me locked in her gaze and unaware of my self-inflicted torment, Bella smiled.

"Come on. _Peer-ahh-goo-ahh _break is over. We've got a bridge to cross back into the city, and you've got a job to get to while I run the Clearwater's errands."

She stood and headed toward the Brooklyn Bridge, where Manhattan's skyline waited on the other side. I watched her go and released the breath I'd been holding. Bella was beautiful and smart and funny and complicated, and so many damn things combined in one person. Most of all, she was real.

And it was time. Emmett was completely right: what I was doing _was_ fucking lying, plain and simple. Her outer beauty was unmistakable; easily apparent. It was there for all the world to see. Even as she walked away from me and toward the bridge in her yoga tights, hoodie, and ponytail, more than one set of eyes followed her. But her inner beauty was only shared with a select few.

Little by little, _I_ was being granted the rare pleasure of her inner beauty, all while I held back my inner demons. One way or another, the last of the warm days would soon be behind us. I _had_ to tell Bella the truth of our connection and see if somehow, those _better_ days were before us.

When Bella turned and looked over her shoulder, catching me staring at her, she shot me a beautiful smile.

"Well, Stranger? Are you coming or what?"

"Of course." With a deep breath, I stood up.

ooooo

'_Bella, would you mind if we skipped our run this morning and headed straight for the coffee shop for a talk? You said yesterday that I seem to have something on my mind, and I do. It revolves around you and something I've been keeping from you.'_

'_Something you've been keeping from me? What have you been keeping from me, Edward?'_

'_Can we sit and talk about it? Please?'_

'_Well, okay.'_

_Inside the coffee shop and at our table:_

'_Here's the thing, Bella. You and I met a lot earlier than you recall.'_

'_Earlier than I recall? How early?'_

'_That day, when you caught your husband…Jasper cheating, it was with my sister, Alice. I was there, in the lobby. I'm the guy who held you. Do you remember that?'_

'_You were there? And Alice is your sister?!'_

'_Let me explain. I was there that day to check up on her because I had a feeling she was up to something rotten. She and I have never gotten along well, and since that day, we're not on speaking terms. What she did to you is similar to what her mother did with my father when I was a kid, and though I know that part isn't my sister's fault, I couldn't forgive the hurt she caused you because even though your situation and mine are somewhat different, I do understand, Bella.'_

'_I don't even know…Edward, why didn't you tell me all this sooner?'_

'_At first, I thought you recognized me. And afterward, I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want to lose the friendship, the relationship that appeared to be developing between us.'_

'_I do…have feelings for you, Edward. But you lied to me. How am I supposed to forgive that?'_

'_I know. I know I lied, and I'm so sorry. Please, let me make it up to you. I'll do anything.'_

That was where the scripted scenario in my head ended the next morning, while I waited for Bella in front of the coffee shop. I'd been prepping all night, practicing the words I'd say and extrapolating her replies based on the Bella I'd gotten to know over the past couple of months. But, though I could make up her words to a point, I had absolutely no clue how Bella would respond to my plea for a second chance, a chance to make it up to her.

When Bella rounded the corner, I drew in a series of cleansing breaths. As she approached, my chest heaved as if we were already mid-run. She reached me and stopped.

"Hey, Bella." I cleared my throat. "I was wondering if we could-"

"Let's start by the river this morning, okay? I know it's cold over there without the sun, but…"

And she was off and running before I could say another word.

I caught up, and running beside her, I noted what I'd missed in my anxiousness in front of the coffee shop. Bella had deep and dark circles ringing her eyes. Her mouth was set in a straight, tight line. Her shoulders were stiff and her gait rigid.

"Bella, you didn't even stretch. That's not good for your muscles."

"I'll stretch them by the river."

"That's not how it works. You stretch pre and post-run, not mid-run," I grinned.

"Whatever, Edward."

She sped past me, and while I could've easily caught up again, I allowed her space, keeping a few feet between us. Yeah, like I'd told her once, I knew the difference between her 'morning' mood and that dark place that sometimes tried to claim her. That morning, Bella was in a dark place. So much for that fucking talk.

When we reached the riverfront, she stopped to stretch, but her eyes remained downcast, avoiding not only me but everything and everyone. That day, it was warmer than usual for the last remnants of October in the northeast, and it looked as if it would turn into a beautiful day. Yet, Bella only appeared to be seeing nebulous clouds before her. I gave her a few more minutes, then I purposely took up a spot stretching my legs right in front of her, where she had to go out of her way to avoid looking at me. For a few minutes, she gave it a valiant attempt, but eventually, her eyes met mine; eyes which were darkened by more than their natural color.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" she shot back. Then, she straightened and began running again.

This time, we ran side by side in uncomfortable silence. After a while, I shot in front of her, running at my normal pace, not at the slower one I'd developed to stay in step with Bella. At first, I sprinted a few yards ahead, then a quarter block, then half a block. My heart raced, blood pumping because damn, it felt good to stretch my legs the way I was used to. When the adrenaline began rushing through my body, I turned around and jogged back toward Bella, grinning.

She looked startled, her cheeks flushed and eyes wide. Tendrils of hair had come loose from her ponytail, which seemed shorter today than usual. When I reached her, I matched her pace for a handful of seconds before surging ahead again while still running backward. Back and forth, back and forth, I matched her pace and surged ahead, all the while running backward.

Bella stopped running and burst out laughing.

"God, you're such a clown," she said, resting her palms on her knee joints.

Drawing in a breath of relief, I crouched down and waited for her to lift her beautiful face and meet my eyes.

"Bella, the shit I see sometimes…" I snorted and shook my head, "I've got to keep my spirits up. Body and mind all interconnected, remember?" I said, tapping a finger to my temple.

Her reply erupted in a heartbreakingly strangled whisper. "Then why the hell do you hang out with me, Edward?"

Throwing all caution to the wind, I slid a hand around the nape of her neck and pulled her closer, close enough so that her heavy breaths washed over me.

"You want to know something?" _I'm in love with you. "You_ are my Runner's High lately." Swallowing thickly, I grinned. "And your neck is sweaty."

She chuckled. "You're an asshole."

I laughed in reply. "Come on, let's take a break."

With my hand on the small of her back, I led us to the nearest bench behind the joggers' path. By then, darkness had given way to a morning mist over the river, blanketing Lady Liberty and Ellis Island. I waited for her to begin when she was ready.

"Falls are so short here in New York, aren't they?"

"Summer and fall are definitely the shortest seasons."

"I've told you mine, but what's your favorite season, Edward?"

"I don't really have a favorite, which is why I stay in New York. I like having four seasons."

"As I said, I grew up with a lot of rain. I like sunshine, no matter the season."

"I like the sunshine too."

"My ex-husband stopped by my apartment building last night."

For a second, while scarlet flames danced before my eyes, I thought the river was on fire.

"Did he now?" I finally managed to ask through gritted teeth.

"Yeah. It's not the first time."

Fire licked up my veins. For a moment, I thought I might combust.

"I don't know how much I can ask here, Bella," I said when I could finally regulate my voice.

"He has…a baby," she whispered.

The pain in that one word was almost a physical manifestation. At the same time, I felt as if I was being torn in two. I wanted to empathize with Bella on every level, but the baby of which she spoke with so much pain was my nephew, JJ, who was probably the sweetest being I knew.

Jesus, what had I done?

"With his girlfriend," Bella continued. "He's been asking me to look for a Seahawks jersey he can't seem to find."

"Why is he asking _you_ for it?" I spat the question with more vehemence than I'd meant to, but Bella appeared too upset to notice.

"I used to wear it to sleep. He says he wants the jersey for his son, for when he's older. I guess as a hand-me-down? An heirloom?" She shrugged, gazing out at the river.

"An heirloom," I nodded, recalling the bastard who'd been hanging out at a bar just a few weeks earlier, while his girlfriend and baby waited for him at home. _That_ fucker didn't strike me as the sentimental, heirloom-passing-down type. Not at fucking all. Perhaps if it had some value to it. Otherwise, his reason was looking much more nefarious by the second.

"Tell me something," I said, "was this jersey signed by the entire Seahawks organization on the occasion of their last Super Bowl win?"

Bella snorted. "No. It's just a basic jersey."

For yet another long moment, I couldn't speak at all. It was clear as day, at least to someone who knew how manipulative assholes worked, what was really going on here.

"Then it seems like a strange thing for a man to bequeath his son," I said, unable to keep the sardonic anger out of my voice, "his ex-wife's _pajamas_."

"I don't know that I'd call it my pajamas," she said. "It was _his_ jersey; though my dad said something similar recently."

At that point, I forced myself to look at her because I needed to know; I needed an accurate gauge of just how much of my involvement Bella wanted in this. She met my gaze through clouded eyes which only infuriated me all the more. But not with her. _Never_ with her.

"Do you _want_ my opinion, Bella?"

In my periphery, I saw her chest heaving as if we'd actually completed our run.

"If I didn't want your opinion, I wouldn't have brought it up."

"All right. To me, it sounds like Jasper simply wants the shirt you slept in for himself, not for his kid." Regardless of how petite Bella was, JJ would drown in that jersey.

Frowning, Bella shook her head. "I don't understand."

"It's pretty self-explanatory," I said, holding her gaze.

A few seconds later, she shook her head again. "Edward, it doesn't make sense. My ex-husband and I didn't have what you'd call a friendly or even a civil divorce. In fact, it was pretty much as bad as it could get. I caught him cheating."

At that moment, I didn't know who I hated more, fucking Jasper for hurting her or myself for accepting all this information under such clandestine methods.

"And when I say I caught him cheating," Bella said, "I mean I _literally_ caught him." She swept her eyes away from me and toward the river. "And despite actually catching him in the act, I gave him a choice, and he chose her."

"Bella…"

"She was pregnant, and she threw it in my face because…because she and I were friends, and she knew things about me; she knew I was having a hard time getting pregnant."

"Fuck. Bella…" I breathed.

"Things got heated, and suffice it to say, she and I are no longer friends."

She stopped, and for a while, Bella and I sat in silence, while I made plans, decisions…and debated how much more I was willing to take from her without her knowledge. But…I _had_ to know, once and for all, for her sake as well as for mine.

Angling myself sideways, I slid my hand under hers, where it rested on the concrete bench, and flipping it over, I weaved my fingers through hers. All the while, her gaze remained on the river, so with my other hand, I guided her dark, troubled eyes to mine.

"Bella, do you still have feelings for him?"

I held my breath. If she said no, we'd proceed from there. But if she said yes…I _had_ to tell her everything I knew about him. I wouldn't allow him to hurt her again.

"It's not that," she said as a silent tear rolled down her cheek. "I made such a fool of myself when it came to both of them. And every time I'm faced with the slightest reminder of them, it's like I take a step backward, lose a bit of progress or whatever you want to call it. Reminders of them fuck with my mood, as you saw for yourself this morning. But I don't want them to have that power over me anymore."

'…_every time I'm faced with the slightest reminder of them, it's like I take a step backward…reminders of them fuck with my mood…'_

I'd _always_ be a reminder of them, no matter what. But God…God, how to make myself walk away when she owned me? _How?_

Hanging my head, I shook it from side to side.

"God…God."

"So, my question is, Edward, was I wrong to get angry because there was a baby involved? Should I have set my anger aside? Should I set it aside now? Is that what's keeping me from moving forward? He says it's time I moved past it, that I should accept it was all partly my fault, that I-"

I cradled her face gently yet firmly, making sure she was listening.

"Listen to me, Bella. Jasper is…full of _shit_," I spat, seething at all the bullshit self-doubt he'd filled her with, in one goddamn night. "Don't listen to a fucking word he says. _You_ had a right to your anger."

"Yes, but Edward, it got pretty…ugly. You weren't there; you don't know."

I squeezed my eyes shut and instinctively brushed my lips to her forehead.

"You did _nothing_ wrong," I insisted, "nothing at all. You didn't. I think…I think your anger was…_is_ fucking justified, so next time you see Jasper, tell him to fuck off. Tell him you'll call the cops if he keeps harassing you. You don't have to play nice with him or with anyone, and you shouldn't have had to take responsibility for shit."

Bella gazed at me through wide, startled eyes. "Uhm, all right, then."

"Okay," I repeated with a humorless chuckle.

"Fine."

"All right."

Now, Bella chuckled, and when she pulled away, I was forced to release her sweet face.

"_Thank you_, Edward," she said fervently. "I don't usually discuss these things with anyone other than my therapist, but with you…"

When Bella's warm hand cupped my face, the juxtaposition of her soft palm and my stubbled jaw made both our breaths hitch. For a few, wondrous seconds, as she stroked my jawline with her thumb, the world around us was just as it should be. There was no Jasper, no Alice, not even a JJ.

"Edward, how is it that you get me so well?" Slowly, so slowly her movement would've been imperceptible to anyone not so perfectly attuned to her, Bella inched closer…

_Because I fell in love with you at your lowest point, so how could I not love you at any other point in time? How could I not get you in every other instance?_

Instead, I stood abruptly, forcing Bella's hand to remain stuck in mid-air. Emmett's words rang out: _'Was she too happy for the truth? Too sad?'_

Our eyes met, and the mortified embarrassment in hers ripped me to shreds.

"Come on, let's finish our run," she said, and as suddenly as I'd stood, she took off without waiting for a reply, running faster than I'd ever seen her run.

"Fuck," I spat, raking a hand through my damp hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." I called out louder, "Bella!"

She neither turned nor slowed her pace.

"Fuck." I took off after her. "Bella, please, let me explain," I said from just a few feet behind.

"There's nothing to explain," she said.

"There is, Bella. Please stop and listen to me. You don't understand."

For a couple of blocks, as we crisscrossed bikers and pedestrians and headed toward the busier, city streets, Bella ran silently.

"I read the signs wrong. It's fine," she said in a shaky voice that belied her words. "It's been a while, and I'm out of practice. Though to be fair, with your constant praise and your latte-art and your 'let's be running buddies' and-"

Reaching for her elbow, I tugged her enough to make her stop. When she did, she rounded on me, still jogging in place to make a point.

"You didn't read the signs wrong, Bella. You didn't."

"I don't blame you, Edward, not really. I'm a handful; I know." She began jogging backward and away from me.

"It's not you, Bella, it's me. Bella, I haven't been-" A flash of yellow cut through my vision concurrently with a loud blare of a car horn. Instinctively, I reached for Bella and pulled her against me.

"BELLA!"

Half a second later, the cab whished by the spot where she'd been jogging in place.

"Watch where the fuck you're running lady! Jesus Christ! Fucking city joggers!" the cab driver yelled out through the window as he sped by.

"Watch where the fuck you're driving, asshole!" I yelled back. "Pedestrians have the motherfucking right of way!"

"Ow! Fuck! And yuck!" Bella grimaced as she pushed herself off of my damp chest.

We stood at the curb, with my chest heaving and nostrils flaring. While she muttered complaints about my sweaty chest, all I could picture was Bella, _my _Bella, lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the intersection – and I'd never told her the truth…or kissed her.

Caging her face, I pulled her in and crushed my mouth to hers.

There are…no words to describe kissing that one person, the one you've been secretly in love with for a long while, the one you know that no matter what, you'll always love. It's warmth and lust and love and fear and joy all rolled into one. It's real. It's as real as it gets.

Picking her up and moving her from the busy intersection, I drew in her bottom lip, then her top one, while she hungrily responded. We alternated sloppily at first, laughing at our mutual eagerness, and then after a few seconds…expertly learning one another's rhythm. When we'd put on enough of a show even for New York City, I kissed her sweet nose, her dark, magnetizing eyes, and then one final brush to her lips. She looked dazed when I pulled away, her naturally pouty lips all the more swollen.

I traced them with my index finger. "I told you that you didn't read the signs wrong."

"I suppose I didn't," she chuckled.

I skimmed the back of my fingers across her jawline.

"I'd like to take you out, Bella, if that's okay. There are things I'd like to discuss with you, but not while we're out for a jog or hanging out in a coffee shop." Not now; the discussion would be even more involved now.

Bella searched my eyes and swallowed. "I know I asked you before, but are you married?"

"No," I said softly, "but there _is_ something I should've probably told you from the very beginning."

"Okay."

"Is tomorrow night okay?"

"Yeah." She offered me a dreamy smile through half-lidded eyes. "Actually, no!" Her eyes widened. "No. I've made plans with a new friend. How about Saturday?"

"I can't make Saturday this week. I've got to…meet with my parents about something. And Sunday I'm leaving for Atlanta. I told you about the weeklong conference at CDC headquarters."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Yeah, you did."

Fuck, I didn't want to wait now; not now. But that damned conference. Talk about coming at a bad time.

"I'll be back next Friday. Can I take you out then?"

"Sure. I'll look forward to it."

"Me too," I said, swallowing as I thought of all I'd be confessing.

"Are you sure you want to? Because you look tortured by the thought."

"Yes," I said, pressing a quick, hard kiss to her lips, "I'm sure. I just hope after we talk…you'll still want to see me."

"Sounds pretty cryptic. Are you contagious?" she teased.

"No, Bella. No, I'm not. Not at all."

Bella's brow furrowed. She was anxious and wary, I could tell. But telling her now…when I'd be away for a week...

Weaving my fingers through hers, I smiled. We'd figure it out. Somehow, we'd figure it out.

"Come on, let's go have our coffee."

OOOOO

It was, unfortunately, a tournament weekend for Doctor Carlisle Cullen at one of his favored New Jersey golf clubs, and anyone who knew Carlisle knew that only an apocalypse or an act of God kept Carlisle from one of his tournaments.

Therefore, Saturday afternoon, I stood with him out on the green, handing over club after club.

"So, Dad," I said as he set up his next shot, "thanks for fitting me into your schedule here because there's something important I wanted to speak with you about."

"I figured that, Edward." Carlisle eyed the hole he was aiming for and measured his swing. "Golf was never your game as much as I tried to get you interested in it." He turned and took me in over his shoulder. "Though, I'm glad you're here today." He practice-swung. "What is it, son?"

"There's no way around this, so I'm just going to lay it out there, relevant basics, and that's it. I'm pursuing a relationship with Bella Swan, Jasper's ex-wife. A couple of days ago, I found out Jasper has been visiting her with the excuse that he wants her to find a jersey that used to be his, so that he could pass it down to JJ," I sneered, "and the only reason I haven't shown up at Alice and Jasper's doorstep and beat the shit out of Jasper is because of JJ. Which brings me to why I'm here. Dad, I've never asked you for much, but I'm asking you to speak to Alice, without getting Bella's name involved in the conversation, and warn her to keep a tighter leash on that fucking dog she decided she wanted or I swear to God, if I hear he's visited Bella one more time, JJ or not, I'm gonna kill him."

All the while, Carlisle remained with his back to me, club poised in mid-air. His shoulders rose and fell, rose and fell. After a few seconds, he set down the club and turned to face me.

"That's a lot of information to take in at once, while in the middle of a golf tournament."

"I told you I'd give you the relevant basics."

"Relevant basics indeed." He stepped toward me. "How much may I ask here?"

"Ask what you want, but for now, I'll only answer what's relevant to the issue at hand. This is a matter of urgency, Dad. As you know, I'm going to be in Atlanta next week, and I don't want to leave without knowing this has been taken care of. I don't want that motherfucker sniffing anywhere near Bella," I seethed, "and if you won't speak to Alice-"

Carlisle lifted a hand between us, palm out. "Now hold on. I never said that but…well, firstly, does your mother know?"

"Not yet. I do plan to tell her, but first, there are issues between Bella and me which need to be resolved. The only reason I'm sharing this with you now is because I'd like your assistance before I end up killing your grandson's father. What's more, as I said, I don't want Alice knowing either – not yet; not until I'm around to make sure she doesn't get out of hand as well. That's another one I don't trust."

"That's a lot of protection you seem to be providing this young woman, who perhaps, somewhat understandably, has an ax to grind with our family. May I ask how you connected with her? Did you approach her or did she-"

"Dad," I sighed, "none of that is relevant."

Carlisle sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "May I ask how long-"

"No," I said impatiently. "Dad, all I want from you is a promise that you'll speak with your daughter today – this afternoon if possible," I bounced my index finger hard against my palm, "and without mentioning Bella, or my relationship with her; make it understood to Alice that she needs to keep a closer eye on her bastard of a boyfriend."

"Edward-"

"Dad." I swallowed hard and, as he'd just done, I raked a hand through my hair. "I don't like asking you for favors. You know that. But I can't leave for Atlanta knowing that asshole is lurking around Bella."

Carlisle held my gaze. "As I said, it's certainly a lot of protection you're providing that young woman."

"Damn it, Dad. If you won't, then I'll handle-"

"Yes, Edward. Yes. You have my word. I'll speak to Alice while keeping you and…Bella out of it."

"Thank you," I said, and furtively exhaled in relief.

OOOOO

Bella and I spent the first half of the week texting and face timing back and forth as much as both our schedules allowed. In my case, it was in between sessions at the conference and last-minute prep and editing for my speech, and in Bella's case, it was in between her errands, her appointments with Doctor Rose, and the friendships she appeared to be making almost on the daily now. Every time I spoke with her and she mentioned a new acquaintance, I was over the moon for her. The sad, lonely woman I'd met months earlier at the coffee shop wasn't the real Bella. It was almost like…she'd been sleeping, and every day, she awoke more and more. When fully awake, Bella was a magnet.

But it was also torture texting and face-timing with her. I wanted to be with her, especially now that we'd finally, finally left the 'friend zone' behind. She looked so beautiful on those damn screens, and she sounded so happy and excited during our calls. She'd cut her hair into a bob, and I wanted to reach out and touch it through the phone and laptop screens.

But concurrently, there was the knowledge of what our very first conversation, when I returned to New York, would entail. It was terrifying, yet at the same time, it was strangely freeing to know that soon, I'd finally get this off my chest.

The good news was that my dad had kept his promise and spoken with Alice. I didn't ask the particulars, but whatever he said appeared to have done the trick. Wednesday night, while Bella and I face timed, I made vague inquiries about whether her ex-husband had bothered her again. Her answer was a resounding, "No."

I slept soundly that night, dreaming of all that the future held.

That is, until I awoke at some point in the middle of the night, sitting up straight in my hotel bed as Bella's and my last conversation, on our last run, replayed in my head.

"Did I really mention the asshole by name?" I wondered aloud. "Did Bella ever refer to him by name when we spoke about him?"

Warily, I lay my head back down. My dreams for the rest of the night revolved more around the past than a possible future.

_"They lied to me!"_

_"I know, but I've got you."_

_"I'm going to kill them both."_

_"You have to try to stop saying that, okay? Security called the cops."_

_"I don't give a fuck."_

_"Shh. Come here. They're not worth it, Bella. If they did this to you, they're not worth it."_

_"They're assholes."_

_"Yes, they are. Come here. That's right. Shh. It'll be okay. I promise you."_

"I promise, Bella," I breathed as I drifted off. "I promise."

OOOOO

Thursday was hectic. It was the final day of sessions, but with the ceremony and presentation of awards the following day, I still had twenty-four hours to go before I could return to New York…and to Bella. Anxious and impatient, Emmett must've noted my jitteriness as he and I rode the elevators back up to our respective hotel rooms.

"Well, that was a long week," he grinned while loosening the knot in his tie.

"Yeah, tell me about it," I smirked.

He eyed me curiously. "Ed, you usually live and breathe for these conferences. I'm surprised you didn't seem to enjoy it more, especially considering your award tomorrow-"

"I'm telling you, I wish I could skip tomorrow, or not tomorrow altogether, just that awards ceremony," I said, recalling the date Bella and I had scheduled for the following evening.

Emmett's brow furrowed. "Listen, do you want to meet at the bar in a bit for a couple of drinks? We could go over your speech again if you're feeling nervous about it."

The speech was already memorized, but…I figured it would be a good time to let Emmett in on what was going on in my personal life. I'd been acting strange; I was aware.

"Yeah, sure," I grinned. "Say in about an hour?" I said as the elevator dinged on his floor.

He chuckled as he stepped off. "Sounds good, my man."

Once in my room, I set down my laptop and threw myself on the bed, exhausted by the day and wishing I had a certain brunette next to me. Closing my eyes, I recalled our last day together, the feel of her soft lips, her breaths in my mouth, her dazed look as we pulled back.

With a sigh, I pulled out my cellphone and tried texting her. I'd tried calling her a couple of times earlier in the afternoon, just to hear her voice, but the calls went straight to voice mail.

**Hey, Bella. I've called you a couple of times. No answer. Everything okay? Just wanted to make sure all's good with you. I'd also like to finalize our plans for tomorrow night. Can't wait to see you again.**

Setting the phone down, I shut my eyes. The phone beeped half a minute later, and I grinned as I brought it up…a grin which evaporated with the very first word in Bella's responding text.

**Asshole, the next time you call, text, or make any sort of contact with me, you'll regret it.**

"What the…?" Stupidly enough, in my exhaustion, it took me a handful of seconds to understand what had likely happened.

I sat straight up. "God, no. Jesus, no. Not like this. Please, not like this. Not like this."

I repeated the words as I hit her phone number and brought the cell phone to my ear.

"Pick up, baby. Please pick up."

The phone rang, rang…and rang, then went straight to voice mail. All the while my hands shook. Bile made its way up my esophagus as I typed out a text.

**Bella, please pick up the phone. Please allow me to explain.**

When the replying bubbles appeared on the screen almost instantly, a sliver of hope raced up my spine only to freeze into icy dread at her two-worded reply.

**Fuck. Off.**

"Jesus."

This time, when I tried calling again, it didn't even ring but went directly to voice mail.

**Bella, please answer my call. Allow me to explain.**

Nothing.

I yanked my duffel bag off the room's chair and blindly shoved everything in – clothes, shoes, papers, phone chargers, whatever wasn't nailed down. In between, I called and texted to no avail. With her two-word parting, Bella was apparently done.

Ten minutes later, I stepped onto the hotel elevator and typed out another text as I slammed my palm against the 'L' for Lobby.

**Bella, I should've told you the truth from the very beginning. Please allow me to explain why I held back.**

The elevator door opened. When I stepped out, my vision tunneled toward the hotel exit.

"Edward!"

"Fuck," I spat yet again as I spun around.

"Edward, where the hell are you going?" Emmett asked, shooting me a bemused grin. "I thought we were meeting at the-"

"Emmett, I'm sorry. I'm actually heading back. I'll explain-"

"Heading back? Heading back, where?"

"To New York. Listen, I've got to-"

"What? What do you mean you're heading back to New York? We've got the awards ceremony tomorrow, remember?" He chuckled humorlessly.

I squeezed my eyes shut and raked a hand through my hair, fisting it hard. "Look," I said when I reopened my eyes, "do me a favor and give that speech for me. You've got a copy of it."

"What? What the _fuck_, Edward? I'm not giving your award acceptance speech. It's _your_ award acceptance speech! What the hell is going on?"

"Something urgent came up."

"Isn't your mom flying in tomorrow morning to attend the ceremony?"

"Shit. I forgot. I'll text her from the airport and let her know-"

"Let her know _what_? Edward, what the fuck is going on with you? Seriously? You've been a fucking mess since…" Any vestige of humor or patience was completely erased from Emmett's tone and expression. "This isn't you, Edward. That's the problem here. From the very beginning of all this, _this_ self-centered, irresponsible shit hasn't been how you operate."

Holding his gaze, I walked away from him backward. "I don't have time to explain, but I will, just not now. Tell them I got sick, came down with something, a stomach virus, strep, the fucking flu, I don't care!" I called out.

OOOOO

**I made a mistake. I was wrong. I know I was. Please answer me. Curse me out. I don't care. Just answer me.**

**I wanted to tell you so many times. I swear I did. I was going to tell you tomorrow when we went out. I meant to tell you the morning of our last run, but you were upset.**

_Was she too upset? Too happy for the truth?_

I snorted; fucking Emmett. Like a five-year-old on his first airplane ride, I pushed my feet against the footrest in front of me as if that would make it reach JFK any faster.

**I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to get this out of hand. I never meant to hurt you. Please, Bella. Answer your phone.**

**I deserve all your anger. I know I do. Please, just pick up the call.**

**Bella, please. I don't deserve for you to hear me out, but please pick up.**

OOOOO

I arrived at my apartment early that evening…and that was when Bella finally…finally picked up. By that point, I'd been calling more out of desperation than with any hope that she'd actually pick up. Therefore, when she did answer, for those first few seconds, I had no idea what to say.

After those first few seconds, Bella filled the tense silence.

"So much insistence, yet when I pick up, you have nothing to say."

Her voice was a cold monotone. It was the voice of the woman I'd met- re-met a couple of months earlier in a coffee shop – the one who classified everyone into either assholes or idiots and nothing in between. It wasn't the woman I'd spent my time with since.

In turn, my voice came out hoarse and uneven, "I…I think I'd given up on you actually answering."

"Then why keep calling, Edward?" she asked with no emotion.

"Bella…" I murmured, swallowing, "can we please meet somewhere and-"

There was no hesitancy in her reply. "No. I only picked up to tell you to please leave me alone. You had your fun, now stop it."

"It's not what you think."

This time, she didn't answer immediately. "I don't care how you frame it, Edward," she finally said. "I don't care that she's your sister and you wanted to protect her. And I totally meant it when I told her that I'd call the cops if you kept harassing me, so-"

I squeezed my fists and eyes together and cursed under my breath. Alice. Of course, it was Alice.

"Bella, I have no idea what you told her or what she told you. I don't speak to her."

"Bullshit," she spat.

"Bella, I've lied to you," I admitted in a rush, having no idea how much time I had to plead my case, "I know I have, but I-"

"I don't want to hear any explanations or justifications," she hissed. "You _lied_ to me, you _used_ me, and that's all there is to it. Now-"

"I didn't use you. I would _never_-"

"Look, I only picked up to tell you to leave me alone. You got the information you wanted, you passed it on to Alice-"

Now I spat my words. "What? Bella, I told you; I don't even speak to Alice."

Unfortunately, if at all possible, the conversation – if one could call it that – only deteriorated from there.

"However it worked isn't the issue. You spoke to your father, who apparently went back and-"

"Yes. Yes, I spoke to my father. I admit that. I spoke to him to inform him I was pursuing a relationship with you, and that if Jasper didn't stay the fuck away from you, I was going to-"

"Edward, I don't care. I don't care! I can't do this! You're her brother-"

"Bella, I can't help who I'm related to."

"No, but you could've _told_ me, Edward! You could've been upfront with me instead of spying on _me_! Instead of pretending you knew nothing, when you were there! What kind of sick, twisted game-"

"I wasn't spying on you, and it wasn't a game!"

What was it she'd called me on more than one occasion? Jack Ryan slash James Bond. I could only imagine what she was making of my 'spy persona' now.

"She didn't screw me over enough? _You_ had to finish the job?"

"Jesus." I hung my head and fisted the hair at my nape.

For a long while, we were both quiet.

"I'm hanging up-"

"I was going to tell you," I whispered raggedly, praying for some sort of guidance, but it was as if everything I knew about Bella, everything I'd learned…extrapolated in the past few weeks suddenly abandoned me. In the end, all I could offer were convoluted, half-assed excuses which made even me wince as I offered them.

"From the very beginning, I meant to tell you. But you didn't recognize me, and I should've…but the second I hesitated and allowed you to believe I was a complete stranger… Bella, I knew I fucked myself over, and every time I saw you it just got harder and harder to come clean."

"So you chose to _lie_ to me," she seethed, "to play this game instead."

"Every day, I fell for you more and more. I think I began falling-"

"Am I supposed to believe that? Do you really think I'm still that gullible," she snorted incredulously, "that even after finding out you were lying to me, that you were there, that you're _her_ brother, I'd still believe that you _care_ about me?"

"I do care about you. So damn much. And you know, deep inside, you know I do. If you don't believe anything else, and if you remember that I was there-"

"All I remember is that you tried to keep me away from her."

"Jesus, Bella, that's not what I was doing. It had nothing to do with her or with your bastard husband."

"Edward, I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth. And if you really have an ounce of respect for me, you won't contact me again."

With those words, Bella dashed any hope I might've had remaining. It all boiled down to respect, didn't it? I loved her, but I hadn't _respected_ her; at least, not enough to tell her the truth. The only way to prove I completely respected her…

"Please don't ask me for that," I pleaded.

"I don't want to see you again. Even if half of what you're saying is true, I can never trust you. There can _never_ be anything between us."

"If I'd told you who I was," my voice broke, but by that point, I didn't care, "you would've never given me the time of day."

"You're right. You're absolutely right, and that right there should've kept you away from me."

"I couldn't stay away. I wasn't following you," I said, pausing to lick my parched lips – lips which had kissed her lips less than a week earlier, "our chance encounter in that coffee shop was exactly that: a chance encounter, but I saw it as more."

She snorted derisively. "More?"

"I saw it as a sign that maybe now…Bella, don't you remember-"

"Stop it!" she growled indignantly. "Stop this! Stop playing your _fucking_ mind games! I remember everything I need to remember! Don't call me again, Edward! Don't look for me! If you respect me at all, you'll leave me alone! And you'll respect the decision that I don't want _anything_ to do with you or your family _ever_ _again_!"

Standing in the middle of my apartment, I felt all blood drain from me and pool to my feet. An eternity seemed to transpire, but of course, I knew it hadn't. Finally…I forced myself to speak the words she was waiting for.

"I do respect you. I respect you more than I've ever respected anyone. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this so wrong, and I'm _so_ damn sorry I hurt you," I choked, "because you're the last person in the world I _ever_ want to see hurt again."

"Then…goodbye, Edward."

Could I say the next words?

I had to say them. Because I respected her.

"Goodbye, Bella."

OOOOO

'_You lied to me. You used me.'_

'_You could've been upfront with me instead of spying on me.'_

'_She didn't screw me over enough? You had to finish the job?'_

'…_if you have any respect for me, you won't contact me again.'_

'_I can never trust you. There can never be anything between us.'_

'_I remember everything I need to remember!'_

"Except, you _don't_ remember everything, Bella. You don't. You don't."

I mumbled it over and over as I sat there a while later – minutes? An hour? – still clutching the phone in one hand and staring into space- or rather, not staring into space but with my gaze alternating between the city's darkness beyond the windows and the Peruvian wall hanging of two rams in combat.

I'd made my choices, so the two roads which had been before me for months had converged and led to the abyss after all. That abyss stretched out before me now, but it wasn't an abyss represented by a circular black hole in outer space nor by a long, nondescript tunnel in some drug-induced haze, with no beginning and no end.

No.

My abyss would begin in the morning when I awoke and ran the Tribeca streets without her. It would continue when I arrived at the coffee shop afterward and she wasn't there – because of course, she wouldn't be there. It would stretch out as I went about my day, doing my job, interacting with coworkers, with acquaintances, with friends…but not with her.

'_Don't call me again, Edward. Don't look for me. If you respect me at all, you'll leave me alone...'_

My abyss was the knowledge that I hadn't respected her enough, yet I respected her…loved her so much, I'd spend the rest of my days without her.

I'm not sure how long I'd been sitting there when the uninvited, unexpected visitor gave up on ringing the doorbell and resorted to knocking hard instead. With the person's anxious fists reverberating in my head, I walked to the door more out of instinct, an innate custom than out of a desire to greet an interloper.

'…_and you'll respect the decision that I don't want anything to do with you or your family ever again.'_

After all, it would never be the one person I wanted.

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Glinda reminded me of yummy piraguas a few days ago. So the Italian icies became piraguas instead. ;)**

**And…yeah. We're up to ****_that_**** part, and I know piraguas don't make up for it. :(**

**Facebook (for pics, teaser, discussions, etc.): Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter (for update announcement and miscellaneous stuff): PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon.**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts. Just a short and quick update today. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Six months later – Somewhere in China:**

_We stand at the curb, that damned corner of bad decisions._

_My chest heaves and my nostrils flare, but she appears to have no idea how close she just came to being sideswiped by that cab. Instead, she mutters complaints about being drawn against my sweaty chest, while all I can picture is her, lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the intersection…and I haven't told her the truth – or kissed her._

_Cupping her face, I go ahead and pick one of two – the wrong one; I know that now – and pull her in, crushing my mouth to hers._

_I've never been descriptive; my reports, my research, my published findings have all been straightforward. Creativity is her domain, so the best way for me to describe kissing her, the woman I've been in love with for a long while now, the one I'll always love, no matter what, is warmth and lust and love and fear and joy all rolled into one._

_Lifting her in my arms, I move us away from the busy curb, our mouths brushing together the entire time. Eagerly, I draw in her bottom lip, and she hungrily devours my top lip. We alternate sloppily, laughing at one another, but after a few seconds…we're experts. We would've been experts at everything that came next._

_I can still taste her sweet breath._

_Kissing her nose, both of her dark, hypnotic eyes, and returning to her mouth for one final brush, I pull away. She looks dazed, lips swollen._

_I can still feel their plumpness as I trace them with my finger._

_"I told you that you didn't read the signs wrong."_

_"I suppose I didn't," she chuckles._

_I skim my fingers across her jawline._

_"I'd like to take you out if that's okay. There are things I'd like to discuss with you, but not while we're out for a jog or hanging out in a coffee shop."_

_She searches my eyes. "I know I asked you before, but are you married?"_

_"No." I say it gently because I'm more aware of her fears than she realizes. "But there is something I should've probably told you from the very beginning."_

_"Okay."_

_"Is tomorrow night good?"_

_She offers me a dreamy smile. "Yeah. Actually, no! No, I've made plans with a new friend. How about Saturday?"_

_"I can't make Saturday. I've got to meet with my parents about something. And Sunday I'm leaving for Atlanta. I told you about the weeklong conference at CDC headquarters."_

_"Yeah," she sighs. "Yeah, you did."_

_"I'll be back next Friday. Can I take you out then?"_

_"Sure. I'll look forward to it."_

_"Me too."_

_"Are you sure you really want to? Because you look tortured by the very thought."_

_"Yes." I press a quick kiss to her lips, "I'm sure. I just hope after we talk, you'll still want to see me."_

_"Sounds pretty cryptic. Are you contagious?" She's teasing me._

_"No. No, I'm not. That's not it at all."_

_Her brow furrows. She's not slow, and she knows something's up, but she has no idea what, and it makes her anxious and wary. Yet, I'm __**still**__ going to make her wait a week before I tell her._

_Nevertheless, weaving my fingers through hers, I smile because, at that moment, I'm a fucking superhero. I can scale walls. I can leap tall buildings. My ego and narcissism know no bounds, and I'm sure I'll figure it out. I mean, it's __**real**__, this budding relationship between us, __**and**__ I love her. Therefore, I'll come up with a solution. It's what I do._

_"Come on, let's go have our coffee," I smile in return._

_She nods and turns, slipping her fingers through mine and heading back toward the intersection. Our hands are entwined, our hearts in sync, and my lies are still safely kept._

_And this…this is where it all changes:_

_I stand my ground, keeping a firm grip on her hand so that as she takes another step, she halts and turns around. When she does, her carefree smile twists my heart because I'm about to rip that smile to shreds._

'_**Was she too happy for the truth? Too sad?'**_

"_Actually, this can't wait – not a week, not a day, not even a minute longer."_

_She cups my cheek, and instinctively, I lean into her palm and seek her warmth. All the while, her other hand remains encased within mine._

"_Edward," she searches my eyes, "whatever it is, just tell me."_

_I swallow hard and draw in a deep breath. "I know Jasper and Alice. I've known about them from the very beginning," – her eyes grow wide, but I forge ahead before my resolve abandons me – "even before we met, or rather re-met in the coffee shop. I was in Alice's lobby the day it all went down, and I was there because she's my sister, and I was checking up on her because she's been a nightmare since she was a kid."_

_As if my cheek suddenly scorches her, she yanks her hand away from my face. She's still gripping my hand though. Around us, car horns blare, an ambulance zooms by, and somewhere in the distance, police sirens wail. Strangers' voices, feet pounding the pavement, and a thousand and one other city sounds compete for my attention. But all I hear are her heavy, anxious breaths; all I see are her bewildered, dark eyes._

"_She's my half-sister, but we don't get along, and I'm not saying that to downplay our relationship but to explain how That Day in the lobby was a replay of what her mother and my father – Alice's and my father – did to my mother. I walked in on it as a kid. So, I get it. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly how you felt That Day because the situation was different, I know. But I get the betrayal. And I don't want to betray you with my lies by omission."_

_For an eternity, she merely holds my gaze, and for once, I can't read her. I can't extrapolate. But when she sweeps her eyes away from me and toward the busy intersection, a tear skims her cheek. My free hand aches to wipe away the tear, better yet kiss it away, but I suspect either would be met with resistance. My suspicion is confirmed when she slips her hand out of mine and swiftly and angrily swipes at the tear._

_When she finally speaks, her voice shakes, and her eyes glare at a black SUV waiting at the red light as if she wants to burn it down with her gaze._

"_So all this time…all this time you've been keeping this from me, pretending we were complete strangers, letting me believe we were strangers, allowing me to __**call**__ you 'Stranger.'" She shakes her head and snorts. "And all the while, you were just keeping tabs on me."_

_All my breath leaves me in a rush. "No. Jesus, no." I fist my hair. "It wasn't like that at all."_

_Her dark eyes flash furiously back to me. "Wasn't it?" she sneers._

"_No. I had no intention of even…look, after That Day, I couldn't get you out of my head. I went off to Costa Rica on assignment, and you were in my head. I flew off to my next assignment and you were still there. When I came back, almost a year later, I walk into a coffee shop, and you're there, but this time, you're real." My hands slide around her nape. "It was flesh and blood __**you**__."_

"_And so you figured you'd spy on me," she seethes, "try out your Jack Ryan slash James Bond moves on me."_

"_No. I'm no spy."_

"_You figured you'd make sure I stayed away from your sister and Jasper."_

"_No. Didn't you hear me? I don't get along with my sister."_

"_You'd repair your broken relationship with her by using me."_

"_Damn it, no. The only reason I tolerate Alice at this point is for my neph- as for Jasper, I hate that motherfucker with every fiber of my-"_

"_You figured you'd make me fall half in-" She stops herself, sucks in a deep breath and places a hand on her stomach as she steps back. Our eyes lock, and my heart pounds viciously._

"_Half in what?" I whisper. "Half in what?"_

_She shakes her head. "I've got to go, Edward."_

_In a flash, she's crossing the intersection against a red light, and I'm just a couple of steps behind. Cars halt to sudden stops and horns blare, but she puts up a palm toward them as if it has the power to ward them off. When one vehicle comes within half a foot of her, I bang on its hood hard and scowl at the driver._

"_Hey man, relax!"_

"_Get the fuck out of the way, assholes, before I run yous both over!"_

"_You touch a hair on her, I'll reach in there and choke the shit out of you."_

_Once she's safely on the other side, I round on her and cut her off._

"_Talk to me. Please."_

"_I was an idiot!" she shouts. "A complete and total idiot to think you really cared about me! Assholes and idiots! Everyone!"_

"_You weren't an idiot," I say, gripping her forearms gently yet firmly._

"_Fucking let go of me, Edward, or I'll kick you right in the-"_

_I release her instantly. "I was an asshole, but you weren't an idiot. I do care about you. I care about you so damn much. It was all me. I was the asshole, the coward, the liar, the weakling, whatever you want to call me. But I never meant to hurt you."_

_She snorts._

"_Please, let's go back to the coffee shop and talk."_

_She scoffs and glares at my chest. "Talk, as if we haven't 'talked' enough. I told you so much about myself, all the while thinking you were an uninvolved outsider, an impartial third party."_

"_I was a bastard to accept all that information under false pretenses, but you're right; I was never an uninvolved outsider nor impartial." I drop my eyes to her field of vision. "I've been on __**your**__ side the entire time."_

"_I can't." Her voice quivers, and when she looks away from me yet again, I know it's to hide the moisture welling in her eyes. "I can't do this right now."_

_As painful as they are, I cling to those last two words as if they're a life raft._

"_I understand. I've caught you off guard, and I'm so sorry. I swear, I never meant to-"_

"_Yes, yes, I know," she smirks, meeting my gaze again. "You never meant to hurt me. Those are famous last words though, aren't they? They don't change the result. They won't change the fact that you're her brother, or that you lied about it from the beginning, or that I can't trust-"_

_When I dare a step closer to her, she angles her head upward, defiantly holding my gaze._

"_You're right. All my apologies are late and useless. I fucked up. I fucked up so badly, but I came clean because I couldn't stand the idea of kissing you again and having this between us. Because nothing's ever felt more right than kissing you, than holding you in my arms, than talking with you, and I don't want to taint any of it anymore with lies. And if you can find it in your heart to someday…someday forgive me, I know it won't be today, but someday, I swear I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."_

"_Making it up to me how?" she asks in a tired, uncertain whisper._

"_By being honest, the way I should've been from the very beginning. By being open and sharing everything with you. By being faithful because I'll never want anyone else. As for Alice, Jasper…and JJ, the first two aren't a part of my life, and I'm fine with that; the last…he's my nephew and he is a part of my life, but you don't need to see him if-"_

"_It's not his fault," she breathes. "In my head, I know he had nothing to do with it, and if I had to, I could try…"_

"_Does that mean you think you can forgive me?" I murmur. Hope swells like a storm within me._

"_That means I don't know, Edward. It means I need time; time to think, to sort through this mess, to figure out if I can deal with this, to decide if I even want to try, and before you ask, I have no idea how long that'll take."_

"_I understand." I breathe the words painfully, but I know I have no one but myself to blame._

"_I won't ask you to wait until I figure myself out." She shakes her head and drops her gaze to the space between us._

_Gently, I ease two fingers under her jaw and guide her eyes back to mine._

"_I just told you, I'll never want anyone else. May I please ask you for just one thing?"_

_Her jaw tightens, nostrils flare. "You've got balls, but go ahead and ask. It doesn't mean you'll get it."_

"_Don't fall in love while you figure yourself out," I whisper. "Find yourself. Meet others. But don't fall in love. Your heart belongs to me."_

"_What if I do fall in love with someone else?" she asks. "What will you do?"_

"_I have no idea." I shake my head. "I have no idea."_

_She swallows. Slowly, her hand reaches up and cradles my cheek one last time._

"_Despite everything, thank you for respecting me enough to tell me the truth, even if it was later than you should've. At least, I didn't learn it by other means, the way I did with my ex-husband. That would've been devastating, and it would've made you just like him." She drops her hand._

"_But I was just like him, wasn't I? I knew I was keeping something huge from you, something that would hurt you more and more with each passing day when you did find out, and I just kept up the lie."_

_She doesn't answer me._

"_Is that why I lost you?"_

_She blinks but offers no reply, and this is the part where I usually figure out what's going; where I figure out none of this actually ever happened. Yet, I keep asking her questions anyway._

"_Did you fall in love afterward?"_

_She sweeps her eyes away from me._

"_Did you forget me?"_

"_Do you ever think of me?"_

_No answer._

"_I can't even say your name in my dreams. Would it have changed anything had it happened this way? Had I told you the truth on that sidewalk – or earlier? Would you have eventually come back to me?"_

_Nothing._

"_Will I ever get answers to any of these questions?"_

OOOOO

The cell phone vibrated against the hotel's nightstand, and thankfully, the alarm forced me into full consciousness and into a new day. My days were busy; busier than ever, full of work and diseases, and outbreaks which had to be stopped. The further away from home, and the bigger the mayhem, the better.

I picked up the cell and hit Emmett's number. It took five rings for him to answer, and when he did, his voice was still groggy.

"Are you ready to get going?"

"Ed, it's still dark out, and you just woke me from a great dream."

_I draw in her bottom lip, and she hungrily devours my top lip. We alternate sloppily, laughing at one another, but after a few seconds…we're experts._

"Great dream or not, I hear it's a trek into those jungles."

"She was gorgeous, and she thought she was a cowgirl!"

'_What if I do fall in love with someone else? What will you do?'_

"Em, when distemper and disease await us…everyone else takes a back seat – including your imaginary cowgirl," I chuckle. "Let's get going."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Chapter Song Rec: **_**I Miss You**_** by Blink 182 (Fits the chapter perfectly, IMO). **

**Facebook (for pics, teasers, and discussions): Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon!**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**As you guys can probably tell, "Broken" Edward, and "Break" Bella have been on my mind quite a bit this week. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**Chapter 14**

* * *

**Mid-August – Ten Months since the 'Break-Up':**

Emmett adjusted the lens over the microscopic specimen.

"So, you invasive pathogen, you. I hear you're causing a bit of mayhem in Asia."

"Just a bit." I chuckled, standing somewhat impatiently behind Emmett, arms crossed against my chest and occasionally sneaking peeks over his shoulder, though I couldn't see what he saw. Even if I could, I wouldn't understand it. Though, I'd never admit that to Emmett.

After a minute, Emmett carefully eased the Hong Kong Island-labeled slide from the mount, set the slide aside, and typed some quick notes.

"Pass me the Kowloon slide," he said. While he reconfirmed the airtight fit and soundness of his gloves, I reinserted the Hong Kong sample into the slide case and cautiously removed the Kowloon sample.

"So, give me the run down one more time," he said as he reconfigured the lens again.

"There have been twenty-two reported cases of a severe, Influenza-like pathogen wreaking havoc in the areas in question in the span of two weeks. Ten of those cases were reported on Hong Kong Island proper; seven popped up in Kowloon, which is separated from Hong Kong by Victoria Harbor; five others in Lantau Island, southwest of the main peninsula. A total of nine of these individuals received this year's Influenza inoculation, the same inoculation we're preparing to distribute here in the U.S. in a few weeks, which'll cover the same strains. Of these nine, five were inoculated weeks ago, and four were inoculated just days before they became symptomatic."

"And the other thirteen?"

"No inoculation."

"Deaths reported?"

"Still only one. A male septuagenarian from Hong Kong Island, whose immune system was already compromised. That was when the W.H.O got the CDC involved. Obviously, the government over there's concerned about the advanced rapidity of the spread considering the population density-"

"And our government's concerned that whatever's going on over there will spread over here, if indeed it's an influenza strain not covered by this year's vaccine. Okay." He slid out the Kowloon sample, took notes, and set it aside. "Pass me the Lantau Island sample."

We switched samples again.

"Any difference in severity in how the symptoms present themselves, either due to region or inoculation status?" Emmett asked as he studied the microbe smear.

"None. Whether inoculated weeks ago, recently, or not at all, Hong Kong, Kowloon or Lantau, they all present with high, hallucinatory-grade fevers; severe chills, muscle aches, nausea, acute lethargy, and in some cases, loss of consciousness, all of which come on in the space of sixteen to twenty-four hours."

Emmett whistled through his teeth. "You're a badass pathogen, aren't you? Perhaps there's another factor which contributed to the severity of their symptoms?"

"I conducted a thorough investigation."

"Yeah, I don't doubt that for a sec. Just thought I'd throw that out there. So, how was the flight, Edward?"

"Exhausting," I said. "I only slept for a short while, and it wasn't the most restful sleep."

"See, you've got to do like me and overdose on antihistamines before the flight takes off."

"So the flight attendants can call security when the flight lands because there's an unresponsive guy with long hair all over his face, who might be dead?"

"Well, in your case, there wouldn't be the long hair."

We both chuckled. He looked up for a second and quickly back into the microscope.

"Why don't you head for the hotel? Not much you can do here at this point. You did your part; this is _my_ area of expertise," Emmett chuckled.

"Nah, it's fine." I waved off his offer.

"Ed, you've been continent-hopping for months between Asia, South America, North America, back to Asia, back to North America. Dude, slow it down and take a breath. You remember my theory on how all this'll end anyway, don't you?"

"Sure, I remember that bright and hope-inducing attitude: No matter what we do, one of these days, we'll turn around, and the world will have ended not with a loud blast or even a fight, but with a quiet whimper, decimated by disease so quickly there won't be time for more than that."

Again, we both chuckled.

"We're a couple of morose fuckers. You think that's why we're still single?"

"Who knows?"

This time, when Emmett lifted his eyes from the microscope and sighed, dropping into the chair beside him, I knew he was done. Shifting his gaze to me, he frowned.

"Seriously, you look exhausted. Go to fucking sleep."

"I'd rather not."

His eyes narrowed.

Leaning against the desk behind me, I sighed.

"Em, do you remember…the woman, the one I…met in the coffee shop about a year ago?"

Emmett quirked a brow as if to say 'seriously?' But when he replied, his voice was embarrassingly sympathetic. Leaning back in his chair, he lifted his feet over the desk and got comfortable, knitting his hands behind his head.

"Yeah, Ed. I remember."

I looked away from him and through the windows to the well-manicured, green landscape of CDC's Atlanta headquarters.

"For months, following our argument, I had a recurring dream. It stopped eventually," I smiled, "I haven't had one in…I mean, I don't even think about her any- not really, not consciously. Anyway, on the flight back from Hong Kong, I had one again."

"Ed, what was the dream?" he asked after a pause, during which I rethought and regretted my entire confession. But it was too late. Like a dog with a bone, there was no way Emmett would let it go now.

"The dream wasn't always exactly the same. There were variations, mostly revolving around the time period within our relatively short association. Sometimes, the dreams took place early on, within those first couple of weeks, when we first got to know one another at the coffee shop. Sometimes, the dreams took place a bit later. But the main deviation was always when I told her who I was, and that I'd been there That Day, before she learned it somewhere else; the way I should've handled it."

Emmett pushed the chair back, balancing it on its two back legs, and rocked back and forth.

"Trust you to torture yourself by turning what was a pretty shitty scenario into an investigative case."

I snorted. "It's what I do best, isn't it?"

Emmett sighed. "I won't argue with that. And yeah, you should've told her, Ed. I hate to say, 'I told you so,' but…"

"I know." I sighed. "I know."

"So, what did your confession change in these variations?" Emmett wondered.

I raked a hand through my hair and chuckled humorlessly. "Honestly? Not much. In every alternative, she was justifiably furious, though to somewhat differing degrees. But in every single one…she ends up walking away from me without giving me any assurances she'll ever be able to forgive me. I haven't found the solution, nor the correct time period in which to tell her, the one where she'd be okay with it. In the dream I had on the plane, for example, I told her right off the bat – the day we met, or rather re-met at the coffee shop. That was the worst variation of all. She sprang to her feet, flung a cup of hot coffee in my face before accusing me of stalking her, then threatened me with calling the cops if I ever came near her."

"Holy fuck," Emmett snickered. "She was a bad ass in that variation."

"Yeah. She was…is a bad ass in real life." I smiled and wistfully brushed the bridge of my nose.

We were both quiet for a bit. "So, do you want my opinion, Ed?"

"Not really." I shot him a rueful smile. "I regretted this conversation pretty much as soon as I began it. It doesn't take an armchair shrink to tell me I fucked up; plain and simple."

"Yeah, you did fuck up."

I scowled at the wall, nostrils flaring. "I was no better than that bastard Jasper, her ex-husband, or any better than my father in the way I continuously lied."

The memory replayed itself in my head of the scene the night after I got off the phone with Bella.

'_Edward, honey.' Esme walked into my apartment, instantly searching my face and my body for injuries. 'What happened? Are you hurt? I was getting ready to head to the airport for my flight to Atlanta when I received your text, and…Edward what is it?' she asked in a panic._

'_Mom,' I whispered in a ragged voice, the phone still clutched in my hand. 'Mom, I fucked up," I choked, dropping my head to her shoulder, 'so badly.'_

_She'd stroked my hair just as if I were five, and over the course of the night, the entire sordid story had poured out. _

_But that still hadn't been enough to calm me. Before sun-up, I'd shown up at my parents' apartment._

'_I should've known better than to ever trust you," I hissed at the great Carlisle Cullen._

'_Edward, your mother was…upset, to say the least, when she arrived home in the early hours of the morning. Now, I apologize if I was careless in the way I phrased things when I spoke with Alice, but-'_

'_**If**__ you were careless?' I seethed. 'I fucking asked you to keep her name out of any conversation!'_

'_I did keep her name out, but my immediate concerns were you and Alice, not the young woman in question.'_

'_Not me,' I sneered, shaking my head, 'not me.'_

'_Yes, you. I don't trust the woman. She has a right to hate Alice, and thereby use any means at her disposal to hurt-'_

'_You seriously think everyone is as conniving as are you, your daughter, and your daughter's mother.'_

'_And you can't possibly be this naïve, Edward. You've been out there in the real world too much to be this naïve. But I know…I know what a pretty face can do.'_

_I chuckled bitterly. 'If I showed any naivete in this situation, it was when I trusted you. Don't worry,' I grinned. 'I won't be making that mistake again.'_

_A half hour later, I showed up at Alice's apartment before she could leave for work. She was feeding JJ a bottle while getting ready for work - for the job she'd stolen from Bella. She looked…tired, frazzled, yet I had zero sympathy for anything she brought on herself by hurting others._

_Meanwhile her useless, jobless, bastard of a boyfriend lounged around in sweatpants and a ratty tee shirt, spread out on the sofa behind us._

'_Edward. What are you doing here? I'm already late for work, and I don't have time for-' _

'_Here, give me the baby and finish getting yourself ready while we talk.' _

_She'd handed JJ over somewhat warily, and then rushed to get on shoes, lipstick, straighten out her laptop bag, etc. _

'_Hey, little guy, how are you doing?'_

_After JJ replied with his usual gibberish, I helped him hold his bottle and held a conversation with my sister._

'_So, I know you're in a rush, but I've got a quick question for you.'_

'_What?'_

'_Do you know how a restraining order works?'_

_She went perfectly still, her hand buried inside her bag. In my periphery, I saw the fucker's ears perk up, and his chest began heaving. _

'_Let me give you the quick and easy answer to that question, being as you were quick to get one but not so quick to understand its functionality.' All the while, I spoke calmly, keeping my gaze on JJ as he happily drank his bottle. 'You don't really know how they work. They run both ways, by the way, meaning just as she's not allowed to come near you, you're not allowed to go anywhere near her. She can contact her lawyer about that, so get ready because if I were her, I sure as hell would. Either way, if I ever hear you broke the conditions of that order again, I'll call the cops and lawyers myself.'_

'_How the hell do you-'_

'_Nope. Unlike the restraining order, this conversation doesn't go both ways." I kissed JJ's forehead. 'Alright, buddy. Go with Mom.' My gaze panned to Jasper, who stood up and squared his shoulders as I took a step toward him. 'Uncle Ed wants to have a super quick talk with your dad next. Alice, take your son into the other room.'_

'_Edward, get out of my-'_

_I looked at Alice. 'Alice, let me have a talk with him. Two minutes. You're not stupid. Let me have a talk with him. Don't worry,' I grinned coldly, 'for my nephew's sake, I won't touch that pretty face that's caused so much trouble.' _

_She didn't walk away immediately, but after a few seconds, she retreated wordlessly and warily, JJ safely and unaware in her arms._

_As soon as the bedroom door shut, Jasper spoke. _

'_Ed, I don't know what my ex-wife's been going around saying, but like I told Alice, I never-'_

_He must've seen something in my eyes, or perhaps in my furiously vibrating posture. After a few seconds, he tried again. "How the hell does this involve you anyway; at least, from her side of things?'_

_I made no reply._

'_She doesn't need you to play her hero,' he hissed next. 'She's always been well capable of taking care of herself, as evidenced by that skewed nose you sport nowadays. And if she does need a man-'_

_When I lunged forward, he dropped to the couch and pushed himself as far against the backrest as he could. I towered over him, shaking my head and fisting my hands at my sides._

'_I'm going to keep my promise about not touching you – for now," I stressed, 'for my nephew's sake; not for Alice's or yours. However, if I ever hear you've gone near her again, yeah, I'll call the cops myself, but __**after**__ I've beaten you to within an inch of your life.'_

_And with that, I left their apartment._

I snorted at the shitty memories. "As much as I've always resented my father for what he did, I kept the truth from the woman I supposedly-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Emmett bounced the tips of his gloved fingers against his gloved palm. "Let's slow down the self-loathing train a bit and put things in some proper perspective here."

"What other perspective is there?"

"Well, there's the perspective that- _jodienda_!" He swore when he tried to scratch his head, jumping up from his chair. "Let's get rid of these fucking gloves."

We headed for the sink and removed our gloves, disposed of them, and scrubbed our hands. Then, we leaned across the glass wall, side by side.

"Ed, I've never sugarcoated it for you, _panita_." Reaching over, he patted my shoulder. "I told you from the get that keeping the truth from her was going to come back and bite you in the ass, bigtime. But in all your self-castigation, have you even figured out why it bit you so hard?"

"Why?" I echoed in bemused disbelief. "Because like a fucking asshole, I lied to her."

"Yeah, like an asshole, you lied to her, but what made it worse for you is that you're _not_ like that Jasper dude or your dad."

I snorted.

"Ed, you're responsible, you're honest, and you're straightforward, sometimes to a fault – ask Kate; ask poor Maria," he grinned. "But you weren't acting that way during the time you knew _her_. You were being self-involved and self-centered, and you were more worried about how the truth would affect _you_ than you were about how it would affect _her_."

"Like I said, I was an asshole."

"Remember when I said once that you never let women in too close?"

I nodded warily.

"Well, for the first time, a woman actually got close. The other women you dated before, yeah, it was easy to be upfront with them because the outcome didn't really faze you one way or the other. But with _her_…the outcome was all that mattered."

Snorting yet again, I shook my head.

"Yeah, Ed, you were an asshole, but none of what you did rose to the level of douchery that fucking Jasper dude or – _perdoname_ – even your dad displayed. Those other two were married, and they lied _and_ cheated. Have some perspective, man. Here's my opinion," he held up two fingers, "and it's two-fold."

"Great," I groaned.

"One." Emmett folded one of his raised fingers. "The truth bit you hard because you have a conscience, and it was eating at you the entire time you were lying to her, which is why you were acting so out of character. Had you been like Douchebag Jasper or – _perdoname_ _otravez _– your somewhat douchey dad, there would've been one or two dreams, max, because there would've barely been a guilty conscience. Don't compare yourself to them, Ed. Intentions do matter."

"And the second part to your opinion?" I asked after a long pause.

"The second part." He sighed and dropped the lone finger he still had up. "Ed, in those recurring dreams, you never found a solution because there was no solution. There was no winning scenario. There was no point in time at which you could've told her who you were and had her be okay with it. To put it plainly, your sister fucked then stole her husband, her job, and the future she envisioned for herself. And as if that wasn't bad enough, she witnessed the screwing with her own eyes, then ended up in jail for it, and with probationary requirements before getting her life back. Ed, your confession wouldn't have served to salvage or establish a relationship with her. Your confession was meant to salvage your conscience, and to get rid of a weight on your shoulders which grew heavier with every passing day you kept up the lie, and which was beginning to affect the rest of your personal life as well as your career."

"So, what you're saying is that the truth wasn't about her, it was about me."

He sighed. "You know how CDC always stresses to us that we have to get ourselves out of danger before we can get others out of danger; that we have to save ourselves before we try to save others?"

"Yeah, I get what you're saying," I said after a while.

"Good."

"So, she and I…" I said after another long pause, pushing a hand through my hair, "there was never any hope."

"I mean, you never know what the future has in store, do you? Doesn't mean you stand still and wait for it, either. You grab the opportunities it sets before you and see where they take you."

"That's exactly what I've been doing."

"I know – a bit to the extreme lately, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled it, ready to change the subject and get us back on track.

"So. This pathogen."

Emmett sighed. "Definitely Influenza…and definitely _not_ one of the strains in this year's inoculation."

"Fuck," I spat.

"Yep," Emmett agreed.

"It usually takes six to nine months to develop sufficient quantities of a flu inoculation which has _already_ been researched."

"And we know close to nothing about this strain, and we've got two months before the North American flu season gets into full swing."

I sighed. "We'd better get the word out to everyone at the Center. Schedules are going to have to be cleared. The next few months are going to be hectic."

And with any luck, they'd be hectic enough to keep my mind fully engaged so that I could finally…finally stop thinking of her - once and for all.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Chapter Song Rec: Unwell by Matchbox Twenty**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon. :)**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. So do all mistakes.**

**Broken - Chapter 15**

* * *

**Mid-October - One Year After the "Break-Up:" **

"And we're back in 5…4…3…"

I cleared my throat and simultaneously ensured the knot on my tie was straight.

"2…1…"

The cameraman signaled, and the TV journalist – what was her name again? Sabrina? Selena? Serena? – crossed her legs and swiveled her chair toward the camera, offering the audience a rapturous smile.

"And welcome back. As some of you might know, the Centers for Disease Control have issued an alert this year ahead of the height of the flu season in this country, stating that the Flu vaccine currently in distribution may not actually offer the protection they'd originally hoped. At this time of year, when many are visiting their doctors to receive the vaccine in the belief that it'll protect them from the flu over the long, winter season, this isn't good news."

Throughout her speech, Sabrina/Selena/Serena's rapturous smile slowly faded and morphed into an exaggerated expression of alarm. When she swiveled her chair toward me and re-crossed her legs, I drew in a covert deep breath.

"Joining us today is Doctor Edward Cullen, one of the CDC's top _epi-demi-olo-gists-_ sorry." Sabrina/Selena/Serena looked up at me from her notes and giggled, leaning in conspiratorially even though we were on national TV. "I keep getting stuck on that word!"

"Not a problem. It's a long word."

"Anyway. Doctor Edward Cullen," she repeated, eyes back on her index card as she pushed her long, blond hair behind her shoulder, "is the CDC's lead this year in its Influenza research, and he's here to give us some further information. Doctor Cullen, thanks for taking time out of what I know is a busy schedule to join us this morning."

"Thanks…Ssselena. Glad to be here."

When she offered me a broad grin instead of a scowl, I knew I'd guessed correctly.

"So, Doctor Cullen, with the flu season underway, experts at the CDC are predicting a tough year. It's a little-known fact, which I've recently learned, that the production of flu vaccines begins six to nine months before the actual flu season begins?"

"Correct," I nodded.

"Which means," she said, furtively glancing down at her cheat sheet, "that the specific influenza viruses researched, predicted, and chosen for vaccination each year may not be the flu viruses we encounter when the true flu season begins."

Again, I nodded. "Yes, Selena. The preparation of vaccinations which will inoculate the general population against a specific season's strains of the flu virus is on average, I'd say…ninety-percent scientific research and ten percent chance. Unfortunately, some years those percentages fluctuate more toward chance." I splayed a palm between us and gestured the fluctuation. "Because it does take six to nine months to produce sufficient quantities of the flu vaccine to be delivered to the public in time for the northern hemisphere's fall flu season, adjustments for late-presenting strains are difficult."

Selena nodded thoughtfully, her brows furrowed in focused concentration. No one in the TV viewing audience would ever catch the lightning-quick glance at her index card.

"Is that why some years it seems so many people get sick with the flu even after being inoculated?"

"That's exactly why, yes."

This time, there was no surreptitious peek to her notes. "So, you're saying we should probably just skip this year's vaccine?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all, no." I rushed out the rest before Selena could ad-lib some more nonsense. "The CDC, along with the World Health Organization and several other worldwide collaborating centers send representatives like me around the world, for months at a time, to perform surveillance, collect specimens, and conduct clinical studies in order to develop the best possible inoculation. This year's inoculation does protect against other strains which were researched, predicted, and early in the season, are already presenting in the public. What I'm saying is that, unfortunately, there appears to be a new strain of the flu which has recently presented in the northern hemisphere, and it's a strain which we didn't include in this year's inoculation."

In my periphery, it appeared like someone suddenly stood behind the cameraman and began waving his or her arms, but I was in the middle of something too important to take a look.

"Specifically, we're talking Strain Number H5V2 of Influenza A, which hasn't been seen for a while, and which has the potential to cause a pandemic. See, strains can be further broken down into subtype, based on the regions in which they're found. So, for example, a few years ago, the Flu Pandemic of 2009 introduced a new strain of H1N1 into the human population, and it was further broken down by…by…" The antics of the person in my periphery became too distracting. I glanced over.

"Stop!" Emmett hissed, wildly waving his arms. "Stop talking fucking strains! No one cares! Just get to the damn point!"

I returned my attention to Selena, now noting how her expression of feigned interest had contorted into an unfeigned expression of dazed perplexity.

"Sorry, I tend to get carried…anyway," I sighed, "the point is, Selena, the new strain is a pretty potent one which causes higher fevers than we're used to seeing with most flu strains as well as severe chills, intense muscle aches, and acute lethargy."

"Is it deadly?" Selena stage-whispered off-script as if she were vying for an Oscar.

My jaw tightened imperceptibly. "As with any flu strain, if acquired, most of the population should pull through fine after a week or two of rest and plenty of fluids. Unfortunately, the younger and the older population are always at greater risk for further complications as are those whose immune systems are already compromised." I sat up straighter. "Look, we at the CDC want to assure you and the public that we're working diligently and around-the-clock to develop a booster as soon as possible. In the meantime, it's imperative that the public does it's best to keep themselves and their loved ones healthy. The best defense against catching and spreading most viruses is as simple as frequent handwashing or disinfecting, covering your mouth when coughing or sneezing, and as much as feasible, avoiding overcrowded public venues, at least until the booster vaccine has been developed and administered."

"Thanks so much Doctor Cullen. Those are all great suggestions, and I'm sure that coming from someone so obviously fit and…healthy," she giggled, "everyone will do their best to follow them. It'd be amazing to have you." Selena smiled then jumped, her eyes growing wide. "I meant, it was amazing to have you! On the show!" Another giggle. "What I meant was it was amazing to have you as a _guest_ on the _show_!"

"Thanks for having me – on the show."

Afterward, as we made our way out of the studio, Emmett chuckled heartily and patted me on the back.

"It could've been worse."

I smirked. "Really? How so?"

"Well, you could've gotten into a discussion about specific strains straight off the bat, and the audience would've switched channels immediately and not even known there's a possible problem in the form of a virus lurking out there. _And_ Selena Santos could've done more than air her wet dreams about you on live TV."

He roared with laughter while I rolled my eyes.

"At least that may have kept the audience tuned in. Other than that, I'm not sure those five minutes of embarrassment accomplished anything useful."

OOOOO

One evening, a few days later, I pulled myself away from the office a few hours earlier than I would've wanted, but I'd made a promise to my mom earlier that morning.

During my…self-imposed exile, Mom and I kept in touch through phone calls and video chats, often with JJ at her side; at least, enough so that surprisingly, when I physically saw him for the first time in almost a year, JJ had recognized me and called me, "Uncoe Ed."

As Emmett had once phrased it, I'd spent almost a year continent-hopping, chasing the toughest cases in the most hard-to-reach areas around the globe, in an effort to keep both physically and mentally occupied. In those first couple of months after…_she_ and I argued, I'd left as a way to ensure I kept my promise to her by not succumbing to the almost overwhelming temptation to contact her. In those first few weeks, I wanted to contact her to offer more apologies, more explanations; to remind her of portions of That Day she'd obviously forgotten. What's more, common sense would occasionally abandon me and give way to moments of righteous indignation. In those moments, I was tempted to contact her in anger and lash out in pain.

But, reason and rationality had finally kicked in, and I realized how completely right she'd been and how totally wrong I'd been. What the hell was I but a reminder of the worst day of her life? I'd been so intently focused on keeping Alice and Jasper away from her that I'd failed to see…l should've kept _me_ away from her as well.

Once I figured that out, all that remained was a dull ache, a void I'd filled by rising even higher at the CDC. To an outsider looking in, I was career-focused – an individual on his way to the top. And I was; but it had started out as something else.

Now, even though I'd been back in the U.S. for the past couple of months, I'd spent them rushing back and forth between New York and Atlanta. With the threat of a flu pandemic, it was all hands on deck. My days and nights were both busy. Nonetheless, my nephew, JJ, had become one of my joys outside of the office. Considering the dickheads the kid had for parents, I made a concerted effort to be there for him whenever I could.

So, when they closed down my parents' block for an early Halloween party – something called a 'Trunk or Treat' for the youngest of the trick or treaters, I was there.

"So, you're a shark, huh?" I asked JJ as we walked from one car trunk to the next, and I crouched down to clean his hands with disinfectant for the umpteenth time.

"I _baby_ shahk, Uncoe Ed!" JJ clarified.

"_Baby_ shark. I see." I nodded as if understood the correction, while JJ began bouncing around and singing some song about baby sharks.

Straightening, I chuckled in bemusement. JJ wore a dark blue sweater designed by his grandmother, with not-quite-so-sharp fins protruding from the back and equally dull-edged teeth overhanging the sweater's hood. The teeth were sewn with various shades of red and white fabric. His basket, a half-bitten beach ball, was also hand-made. These were some of the benefits of having a grandmother who was a famous designer.

Esme, who'd been talking with a neighbor, caught up to us while JJ bounced and sang. She adjusted his hood and pushed his blond curls under it.

"Don't touch his face until you clean your hands again, Mom."

She smirked at me over her shoulder. "Who do you think kept _you_ alive for the first eighteen years of your life?"

I chuckled ruefully. Meanwhile, JJ kept bouncing and singing his shark song.

"What _is_ that song?" I asked.

Esme snorted. "Edward, just be grateful you don't have to hear that song on replay day after day, hour after hour. Ask any of the parents or grandparents here. It's literally all we hear!" She chuckled, but then looked up at me with a tender smile. "Though, I'm sure something else will come along to replace it when you're a dad."

I quirked a brow in her direction and forewent a reply. "Come on, buddy," I said instead, guiding JJ to the next trunk.

"What?" Esme laughed when she caught up. "What did I say?"

I side-eyed. "Esme Cullen, please don't tell me this is going to turn into one of those conversations."

Again, she chuckled, guiltily this time. "It's not. It's not. It's just…" She took JJ's hand and stopped in front of me, blocking my way. Then, she reached up with her other hand and traced one eye and the other.

"I have two eyes, yes," I grinned.

She shook her head and offered me a wistful smile. "They look troubled."

"There's this nasty flu strain threatening to eradicate North America, so yeah, I suppose I'm a bit concerned," I smirked.

Esme snorted, looking unconvinced as she searched my eyes. "Your mind is always on taking care of the world; on fixing _other_ people's lives."

Though it remained unspoken, I understood the second part to that comment. Thankfully, JJ wrangled himself loose from his grandmother's grip and rushed to the next trunk. Now, I understood the concept of this trunk or treat and why all the parents around me appeared more comfortable with the closed street.

"JJ, buddy hold up." I rushed after him and cleaned his hands after making sure he said thanks for his treat. We walked on to the next trunk, while my mom caught up.

She smiled softly, her eyes on her step-grandson. "In my heart, JJ is my flesh and blood," she murmured. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to have another grandchild."

"Speak to Alice. She's just stupid enough to get right on that for you with her one-trick-pony of a boyfriend."

"Edward."

It was a massively fucked-up thing to say; I was aware, even if I whispered it while keeping an eye on JJ a few feet ahead of us.

"She was fired from the newspaper yesterday. That's why I brought JJ tonight. She's been crying all day."

"I can't say I feel sorry for her, Mom," I shrugged. "For one, I'm sure she's getting enough sympathy – and financial support – from our father. And for another, you reap what you sow, right?"

"Not always, honey," Esme replied. "I tend to think that sometimes, Life tests us with what we don't deserve, whether good or bad. It's how we react to those tests which determine what we're made of."

I snorted dubiously. Meanwhile, JJ reached the next trunk. The owner, a woman with a little boy by her side dressed as Captain America, crouched in front of JJ and grinned.

"Oh my God, this is the best costume of the night. Baby Shark!"

JJ started bouncing and singing.

"Pick whatever you want, sweetheart," the woman said, holding out a huge basket full of toddler-appropriate snacks and toys toward JJ. He reached in with both hands.

"Just one, JJ," I reminded him.

JJ picked one and backed up. "Thanku."

The fact that he remembered to say thanks without having to be prompted had me beaming with pride. I may have puffed out my chest a bit.

"My God." The woman, a pretty, petite brunette, placed a palm on her heart. "What a well-mannered sweetheart." She looked at me and smiled. "Daddy taught him well."

"Yeah, well," I said vaguely.

JJ reached for my hand and yanked. "Come on, Uncoe Ed! Next twunk!"

"Coming, buddy."

"Oh, you're his uncle," the woman said. "It's great of you to take your nephew out."

"He doesn't make it a hardship."

"Aww. I have a single brother that enjoys helping me out with my little guy too." She sighed. "It's not easy being a single parent."

"I'll take JJ to the next trunk," Esme offered, pulling JJ from my grip.

"I'm coming," I said before looking back at the woman. "Thanks for the-"

"I'm Lauren, by the way," she said, stretching out a hand. "Lauren Mallory."

"Oh." I shook her hand and smiled. "Hi. I'm Edward Cullen."

"That was your mom?"

I nodded.

"Esme Cullen, the designer, right?"

Again, I nodded.

"No wonder your nephew's costume is so cute. I didn't say anything to her because I'm sure she gets enough strangers gushing over her."

"I appreciate that," I smiled genuinely now.

"No problem. So how old is your nephew – JJ, right?"

"Yeah. He's nineteen months."

"My little boy here, Tommy, is a little over two."

"Oh." I smiled at the boy. "Hey, Tommy."

"Listen, if you're ever interested in getting the boys together for a play date, he and I can be found most nights between the hours of four and six p.m. at the corner playground." She pointed down the block. "You're more than welcome to meet us there."

"All right. It's a busy time of year for me, but I'll let my mom know. She's with him a bit."

"Oh. Sure," she smiled. "That would be great. But hey, if things slow down, we'd love to see you there with JJ."

"I'll keep that in mind." I waved a hand in goodbye, but she asked another question, and I release an internal sigh.

"So, Edward, what do you do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I work with the CDC."

"The CDC as in the Centers for Disease Control?"

"Yes."

She raised both eyebrows. "Oh, wow. I'm impressed. That's crazy what's going on with that new flu strain, isn't it?"

"I'd more call it concerning than crazy. But diseases tend to follow patterns of time, so it was time."

"I've noticed you keep cleaning your nephew's hands."

"Yeah. It's nothing personal against anyone here," I said sheepishly. "I just-"

"No, no. I think it's great." She waved away the rest of my explanation and picked up a large bottle of hand disinfectant behind her. "And it's reminded me to pull out my own disinfectant for Tommy."

"I'm glad then," I grinned. "Well, it was good to meet you, Lauren, and thanks for the treat."

"Good to meet you too, Edward."

Esme leaned into me when I caught up with her and JJ.

"So?"

"So…what?"

She held my gaze and shook her head, sighing.

"She seemed…nice," she said.

"She did seem nice," I agreed.

"You've had all the single moms and dads here, even some of the married ones, daydreaming since you arrived. The gossip's been passed down from trunk to trunk along with the candy." She cupped a hand around her mouth and spoke in a mockingly urgent tone. "Alert, alert! Tall, good-looking male in his late twenties slash early thirties in our midst! And he's not wearing a wedding band! Every man and woman for themselves!"

"I hope you're joking."

She chuckled. "I'm really not, sweetheart. Then, everyone holds their collective breaths when you finally stop and hold a semi-conversation…"

I made no reply. Instead, I crouched down and took my time cleaning JJ's hands.

Undeterred, Esme was waiting for me when I straightened. "All I'm saying, Edward, is that time moves forward, my love." She cupped my cheek. "You _have_ to move forward with it."

When JJ dashed off to the next trunk, Esme sprinted after him. After a few seconds, I followed.

OOOOO

About a week later, my team and I were working late in the downtown, New York office. We were close to a breakthrough with the booster, but we had to ensure the sample was FDA-ready before we continued. That would require another trip to Atlanta the following week. In the meantime, we were crossing all our t's and dotting all our i's on a Friday evening. The entire group's weekend plans were on hold until we got everything settled and on track.

By the time eight o'clock rolled around though, the complaints started rolling in.

"So, let's obtain blood cultures of the left and right-"

"Ed, before we talk blood cultures, I think you should know that these vending machine chips ain't doing it anymore, _panita_." Emmett showed me the bottom of his empty chip bag.

"Yeah, for real." Bonnie, one of the other members of the team, agreed with Emmett.

"How about we break for a quick dinner, Ed?" Collin suggested.

"It's a bad time for a break, guys," I said, to the protesting groans of almost everyone.

"Edward, there is a great new restaurant a few blocks away," Maria said, yanking playfully on my sleeve while all the others were involved in the moaning. "I've heard the food is fantastic."

In the weeks following last year's semi-fiasco with Maria, where we'd carried on a semi-flirtation for about a day before it'd gone nowhere, things had been somewhat…awkward between us. Eventually, however, the awkwardness faded. This happened around the same time she'd started dating a guy from the FDA, a few floors down. What then remained between Maria and I was a friendly, work-related relationship. However, Emmett recently took it upon himself to inform me that Maria broke up with her FDA guy over the summer. More recently, she seemed to be smiling and joking with me a hell of a lot more.

And maybe…maybe Time moves forward whether you want it to or not.

"Have you heard," I grinned in return, "or have you been there?"

"No, I have not been there…yet." She offered me a teasing grin, which everyone else at the round table missed while complaining about food.

"Hm." I quirked a brow. "Unfortunately, we really do need to keep the momentum going tonight, so how about we just order in for now, and maybe next time..?"

She chuckled. "You are right. But maybe next time…sounds interesting."

I grinned broadly and backed away to address the rest of the table.

"All right. Maria has a good suggestion for a restaurant we can order from, so give me your orders, and I'll go pick us up some grub."

Everyone clapped and whistled. Emmett, however, shot me a way-too-knowing grin.

OOOOO

Changing into my sweats, I took a sprint to the restaurant. All the while, there was a strange song running through my head. Something about baby sharks.

With the song still stuck in my head, I pulled open the door to the restaurant. My eyes immediately found the hostess stand just a few feet in. The quicker I picked up our order, the quicker we could eat and get back to work. Two hostesses, both in their late teens or early twenties, stood at the podium, both who looked up as one when I approached.

"Welcome!" They both said in unison then giggled simultaneously.

"May we get you a table?" One of them asked.

"Uhm, no thanks. I placed an online order. Edward Cullen."

"Ooh!" the other hostess exclaimed. "Yes! I believe it's ready Mr. Cullen. Jane, go get it!"

"Gina, you go get it!"

Jane sucked her teeth. "Fine," she groaned before walking away.

"Do you live around here, Mr. Cullen?" Gina asked while we waited.

"Uhm, no. I work nearby."

"Oh. Working late?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. That sucks, having to work late on Friday. I mean, I'm working, and it's a Friday, but this is just my part-time job, and…"

I tuned out the rest; not so much because I wasn't interested – though, I wasn't – but because…

A peculiar, tingling sensation rolled up my spine. It was that feeling you get when someone's eyes are on you, and your heart begins racing because you're not sure _why_ this person is so intently focused on you."

"Here you go, sir! Thanks for waiting and for your order!" Jane was back, but I barely understood the words coming out of her mouth.

Someone was watching me. My scalp prickled with the knowledge.

"Is there anything else I may do for you?"

"Is there anything else _either_ of us may do for you?"

The question was…did I want to know _who_?

Yet, even as I asked myself that question, my head was already turning toward the source of that overwhelming, bewildering…and all-too-familiarly heady sensation.

I saw her eyes first, met them with my own. Those first couple of seconds, they were all I saw; dark, rich, and expressive…as expressive as they'd ever been. She was shocked. Caught unprepared. Anxious. Nervous. In the next second, I noted things in my periphery, the way I'd been trained to. She was dressed for a night out, her hand meeting someone else's halfway across the table…enclosed within someone else's. I noted him, yes, but at that moment, he was part of an insignificant background; a heart-clenching development, yes, and I'd definitely torture myself with a more thorough examination later. But at that moment, nothing could trump _her_.

Or the fact that she was frozen in bewilderment, and as always, as ever, my first instinct was to set her at ease. When I offered her a small smile, she hesitantly smiled in return.

Swallowing hard, I forced my eyes away from her and back to the puzzled hostesses.

"No, that's it. Thanks."

And without a look back, I picked up the bags and walked out.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Chapter Song Rec: **_**When I Was Your Man**_** by Bruno Mars.**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon!**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**Broken Ch 16**

* * *

Standing and clearing my throat, I addressed our team, which was assembled in the conference room which had been our second home for the past few weeks.

"Good morning." I switched on the laptop monitor, and a world map with various pinpoints in three separate regions appeared. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be a morning briefing filled with much encouraging news.

"So, as you can all see, as of last evening, we have seventeen confirmed cases of H5N2 in the U.S. The cases are occurring in clusters, which further confirms the human-to-human transfer. Six are on the West Coast, four in the midwestern states, and seven on the East Coast. In addition, there are eighteen new cases in Asia. Early this morning, we received confirmation of six cases in Mexico, and the cultures of two more possible patients are currently being tested." I drew in a deep breath and exhaled it in one long gust. "You all know what this means."

From her seat at the round table, Maria was the first to verbalize the conclusion. "Confirmed spread from human to human and confirmed cases in three separate regions; it means we are officially in the early stages of a pandemic. Without a viable anti-viral, H5N2 will continue to spread rapidly and globally."

I nodded. "As issued under the rules of the International Health Regulations, this morning, our Director plans to speak with the Director-General of WHO to raise the level of influenza pandemic alert from phase two to phase three. This means they'll declare H5N2 a Public Health Emergency of International Concern, and thereby recommend that countries intensify surveillance for unusual outbreaks of influenza-like illness and severe pneumonia."

For a few moments, everyone was silent.

"That's not all," I said, raking a hand through my hair. "I got a call from Deputy Director Leann Polk this morning to let me know that in two days' time, she and the Director plan to schedule a meeting with the heads of the other health agencies to discuss activation of the Emergency Operations Center. Guys, we have forty-eight hours to figure out how to get the spread under control before this explodes into a national incident."

"Fuck," Collin spat. "All that could create a worldwide panic and bog us down in bureaucratic communications when we're so close to developing an anti-viral. Emmett, how are the latest cell cultures going?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, the latest cell cultures retrieved from our North American patients returned a low yield replication," Emmett said, to which the room at large replied with a collective groan.

"The strain has apparently mutated," I explained, "and the anti-viral in development won't work for all patients."

"But the good news is that we can still get ahead of this before it's declared a full-fledged pandemic," Emmett said. "All we need to do is come up with an anti-viral that'll fight all strains of the new virus before the Director and the other agency heads activate Emergency Operations."

"Is that _all_ we need to do in the next forty-eight hours?" Bonnie asked with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"And how do we know any anti-viral we develop will work for all future mutations of H5N2?" Maria added.

I listened, observed, and brainstormed along with them. But the downside to having a mind which could focus on more than one issue at a time was that it could also wander down avenues it had no business wandering down, all while puzzling over what it _was_ supposed to puzzle over. For example, while attempting to come up with a solution to the problem before me, I replayed everything I'd learned a couple of weeks earlier.

About _her_.

About…_them_.

They weren't married. I'd crossed off that tormenting possibility the very night I saw her. Lying in bed that night, I replayed every moment at the restaurant. Her hand in his…with neither she…nor _he_ wearing a wedding band. I knew her well enough to know that if she were married, she'd wear a wedding band.

However, that didn't mean their relationship was casual. I'd come to that conclusion the following night. The way he held her hand was…not so much possessive as it was confident; secure in the knowledge that his touch was welcomed, as if he'd been touching her for a while. So, they'd been together for a few months, at least.

A few nights later, I accepted that it was a good relationship for her; a healthy one. As shocked and bewildered as she'd looked at the sight of me, her underlying expression had been one of peace; of contentment. There was an ease surrounding them, the sort of ease that resulted from being more than just lovers. So, they'd been friends before the relationship progressed.

And yes, she looked beautiful; there was that as well. Her skin glowed with both inner and outer health. She'd let her hair grow; silky waves cascaded further down her back than they had when I'd known her, when her hair was usually up in a ponytail. The elegant black dress she wore was different from the comfortable jeans and tee-shirt at the coffee shop or running tights and hoodie I remembered her wearing. Strange, how I would've given anything to see her in those jeans or running tights again. Most of all, she seemed…happy.

So, the question which had been torturing me for the past few days was how was it possible to be simultaneously happy _for_ her, to be relieved she'd found someone decent who obviously cared for her, yet at the same time to feel as if my chest had been flayed open? It was as if every internal organ I possessed had been cast into a fire, charred to a crisp, and the only organ that remained…the one at the core of the mess was nothing more than a raw, bleeding carcass unable to feel anything beyond primal jealousy.

I had no clue how such a thing was possible, yet I was proof that it was.

And I was ready to end my self-torture, at least for the time being.

"Hold on, guys." I rubbed my jaw with the back of my hand as I thought through my words. "Maria said something a few minutes ago that I think is at the heart of the entire issue."

Maria's brow furrowed as she warily met my gaze. "What did I say?"

"You said that we need to develop an anti-viral that'll fight all strains of the new virus, those existing _and_ all future mutations."

"Yes." She offered me an uncertain nod. "But the question is, how?"

"Well, by going back to the beginning, back to where things first went awry." I looked around the room and met everyone's gaze. "We stop this strain and all future versions of it from wreaking havoc in a healthy body by going back to the source and fixing the source."

"_How_?" Collin asked.

Emmett and I looked at one another.

"The virus's backbone," Emmett murmured, eyes growing wide. "All mutations will always have the same backbone."

"Exactly." I gave him a quick nod. "We alter the fucker at the starting point. Emmett, you're in charge on this one."

OOOOO

Early the following morning, I met Emmett at the CDC labs downtown, about a mile or so from New York's CDC headquarters.

"So, what we did was use a high-throughput mutagenesis and screening approach to identify mutations associated with high yield of H5N2," Emmett said excitedly. "Then, using reverse genetics, these mutant DNA libraries were used to generate virus libraries of variants possessing random amino-acid changes in one or several viral proteins. Based on Hong-Kong H5N2, we generated nine virus libraries, each associated with high-growth properties-"

"Em, hold on, hold on." Sighing, I straightened and pulled away from the microscope. "Give it to me in plain English, please."

Emmett chuckled, but when the chuckle faded, a grin remained, which was a good sign.

"In plain English, we're on the right track."

A ghost of a smile hesitantly played around one corner of my mouth. "How right of a track?"

"I'll need a couple more days to be sure, but-"

Groaning, I threw back my head and glared at the ceiling. "Em, we don't have a couple more days. Raoul, Leann's admin told me in confidence last night that Leann and the Director herself are flying out to Atlanta early tomorrow morning. They're activating the EOC, at which point, this becomes a national emergency, and coordination becomes much more difficult because every step we take we'll first have to run by about twenty different health organizations in a complicated chain of command."

"Give me thirty-six hours."

"You've got twenty-four," I countered. "I need to know, before Leann and the DD get on that plane to Atlanta if the anti-viral is a go."

"_Pero mira que mucho jode este pen-_"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm asking for a lot, I know, but if we're this close, if we have a viable anti-viral, and the EOC is activated, the bureaucracy of a long, complicated chain of command will only serve to delay the booster's production by months. You know that."

"Fine, fine." Emmett expelled a heavy breath through his nose, gripping his man-bun in one hand. "Twenty-four hours."

I nodded. "Thanks. I'll be in the office if you need me." I made my way to the sink, peeled off my gloves and scrubbed hard, but Emmett's question made me pause for a second.

"Ed, did you even go home last night?"

"Yeah, at about four. Then, I went for a run to clear my head, showered and changed, and here I am."

"So, you haven't you slept?"

Properly disinfected, I pulled off the lab coat and threw it in the proper bin. Then, I turned around and faced Emmett again, leaning against the sink and crossing my arms.

"I'll sleep when we've got this latest issue under control."

Emmett shook his head and scrutinized me. "Edward, you of all people know that a fucking jog doesn't take the place of actual sleep and rest. Now, more than ever, we need to keep our immune systems-"

"Emmett, I don't need a fucking lecture on how to keep my immune system up," I retorted heatedly. "In case I haven't been clear, we don't have time for bullshit. What I need from you is an answer, within the next twenty-four hours, of whether we've got a viable anti-viral. That's all I need you to focus on."

Emmett stared at me long and hard, and yeah, I felt like shit even as I spat out the words. Technically, I outranked him, but I'd never considered him…never treated him as anything less than my equal with different expertise.

"All right," he finally said, slowly and evenly before turning to face his many microscopes, slides, and samples. "But at the risk of wasting more time, I'm just gonna say one more thing, _boss man._"

"Emmett, I apologize."

"When this is over, Ed, regardless of how it ends, you need a break – and a long one. Take your ass to the Caribbean, to Europe; hell, go to the Antarctic and disconnect yourself from all this shit for a while. You've been nonstop for a hell of a long time, and while I suspect I know…" he sighed. "Anyway, _vete_," he said, waving a hand in dismissal, "and let me get back to work."

"All right. Uhm, thanks."

OOOOO

Ten minutes later, I arrived at the crowded elevator bank to the CDC's offices. Maria was at the front of the morning fray, standing next to a guy I recognized from the building, though he usually rode a different elevator bank. They were laughing, while she stroked his arm and he leaned into her ear, saying something which made her giggle more like Coffee-Shop Bree or TV-Journalist Serena than like Maria, the fellow scientist.

Unfortunately, when her gaze wandered, she spotted me and visibly startled. Her eyes grew wide, and her relaxed posture stiffened and straightened, which left the guy with who she'd been laughing and whispering with his head hanging in midair.

"Oh. Good morning, Edward," she said over the din of the crowd.

"Good morning, Maria," I replied pleasantly.

"I did not think you would be in so early since you were still here when I left last night."

"I wanted to take care of a couple of things before we all met for our morning briefing."

"Oh." With a nervous smile, she turned and faced forward.

I smirked to myself, and not because I gave a damn about the guy at her side, who she was now trying to ignore though he kept talking and smiling at her, but because it seemed all I did lately was embarrass women who'd moved on from any interest they might've once had in me. Then again, I couldn't blame either one. _Her_…I'd lied to her from our first moments together.

As for Maria, I'd flirted and raised the possibility of a date to Maria before I'd sprinted to a restaurant to pick up an order for our team, and when I'd returned, I'd pretended our second, thirty seconds of flirting had never happened. What was that saying? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…? Yeah, they also said the best way to get someone out of your head was to push 'em out by shoving someone else in there.

I hadn't even tried. I didn't _want_ to forget _her_. Like a fucking masochist, instead of focusing on someone else, on someone who showed interest, I preferred to hold on to the memory of a one-year-old kiss, and to the more recent hint of a smile across a few feet, in a restaurant – while she was on a date with someone else.

When the elevator arrived, the guy next to Maria planted a kiss on her cheek before walking off to the FDA elevator bank. As the elevator emptied floor by floor, Maria moved to my side and looked up at me, face flaming as she offered me an apologetic smile.

"I got tired of waiting," she whispered.

The woman and I worked together. The last thing we needed, with the flu issue at hand, was the awkwardness which would most likely result if I told her that, other than for her expertise as part of our team, she was one of the last things on my mind these days.

Therefore, I smiled in return. "He seems pretty into you."

"He is," she giggled.

"Good." The elevator dinged on my floor. "So, I'll meet you and the rest of the team upstairs," I said. "I've got to make a couple of calls first."

She blinked for a couple of seconds, but then with a snort so quiet I was sure it was meant only for herself, she smiled. "All right, Edward. I will let everyone know you will be up in a few."

"Thanks, Maria."

OOOOO

"Raoul, we just need a half-hour of her time," I said over the office phone as I pulled out my hair. "Emmett is working on a new version of the anti-viral, and we think we're on the right-"

Raoul, Deputy Director Leann Polk's admin assistant cut me off.

"Edward, I'm sorry, but she doesn't have any room in her schedule for the next few days. I can probably squeeze you two in next Tuesday-"

"No. We need to meet with her _now_, Raoul, to talk to her about postponing her trip with the Director to Atlanta tomorrow to activate the EOC."

"Edward," Raoul snorted, "only an act of God will postpone that trip now. That's her top priority at the moment."

"Which is why we need to-"

"Edward, they've made up their minds. The EOC will be activated tomorrow at noon."

"But-"

"You've told her you still have no viable option-"

"That might change within the next twenty-four hours."

Raoul sighed. "Buddy, I want to help you; I do. But a "Maybe we might have something" ain't gonna change a damn thing. Unfortunately, this EOC activation business is gonna really ramp us up, which means Leann will be crazy busy, which means I might as well kiss the vacation I planned to take next month goodbye. But without a viable-"

"Emmett has promised to let me know by tomorrow morning if the latest round is viable. If you can at least schedule us in for the morning-"

"She's not seeing anyone tomorrow morning. She's prepping for the meeting with the other Health heads. I'm not even supposed to tell anyone she'll be in the office for a short while tomorrow," he hissed quietly.

I exhaled a breath of frustration. "Okay. Can we at least do this?" I pleaded. "If I get word from Emmett before she leaves the office tomorrow morning, can you squeeze us in-"

"She's not scheduling anything-"

"Don't tell her you're scheduling us!" I hissed. "Just check and see if she has even five free minutes. A bathroom break she can postpone. That's all I'm asking for."

Raoul was quiet for a few seconds. Finally, I heard him exhale.

"Fine," he snapped. "If you get confirmation from Emmett before Leann leaves for the airport, call me, and…" he sighed, "and I'll see what I can do, though it might mean my head."

I expelled a breath of cautionary relief. "Thanks, Raoul."

"I'm not making any promises, Edward!"

"Got it."

OOOOO

"_Don't fall in love while you figure yourself out. Find yourself. Meet others. But don't fall in love. Your heart belongs to me."_

"_What if I do fall in love with someone else? What will you do?"_

"_I have no idea. I have no idea."_

My eyes opened slowly to the dark bedroom. For a few seconds, I stared at the ceiling, while the old, recurring dream faded. Then, with a deep breath, I got up for the day.

I'd waited all night for a phone call from Emmett, but unfortunately, none had come. Finally, though I knew he would've called if he had good news, I sent him a quick text.

**Any luck?**

**Not yet, Edward. Sorry.**

**Not your fault. I know you're doing your best.**

**I'll give you a call as soon as I know one way or the other.**

**Thanks, Emmett.**

**No problem, panita.**

At the very least, I was glad he hadn't addressed me as "Boss man" again.

I went for a longer than usual run, but then again, that was the norm these days. I found myself running tracks I'd avoided for a year now, parallel with the river and with Lady Liberty front and center.

"_You lied to me. Everything you said was a lie."_

"_Not everything, not the most salient fact of all."_

I ran faster, trying to outrun the misfortune of having lost her when that one, most salient fact would be the most salient fact of my life. How fucking ironic was that? But strangely enough, a few minutes later, I found myself smiling as I recalled an old conversation we'd had while taking in the statue.

"_Why New York though? I get you wanted more sunshine than you had in Forks, but why New York instead of someplace like California?"_

"_I don't really know why," she'd replied with a shrug. "I just know…I wanted to be here, in New York. I needed to be here."_

For a moment, I considered how things might've been different had she and the fucker who was her husband at the time headed to California – to L.A., to San Francisco – instead of here to Manhattan.

Would she have ended up divorced? Jasper was a fucking bastard – emphasis on the fucking – regardless of the city or state in which he'd resided. He'd made it obvious to all of us, Alice included, regardless of the fact that she refused to admit it to herself, that she'd merely been an affair to him, _not_ the love of his life, not a reason to end his marriage, but rather…a mistake he'd gotten caught doing – literally. So…eventually, more than likely, there would've been a divorce.

But then…had they gone to California, I would've never met her.

It was that thought which made me stop short.

The runner behind me didn't have time to swerve and knocked into me.

"Hey, dude, watch it!" he said.

"Sorry, sorry," I said distractedly.

I would've never met her. Despite the part of me that was never at ease while I knew her, while I knew I was lying to her, despite the constant yet dulled ache that had been my companion for the past year, despite the…more recent and fresher pain of the scene in that restaurant, it was the thought of never having met her which struck me like a physical blow. And at that moment…as I stood in the middle of that running track while the runners behind me all swerved around me, some sucking their teeth and some with outright curses, I knew…

It wasn't misfortune. In fact…I was probably one of the luckiest bastards to have ever existed because I knew her! I'd met her, spoken to her…once kissed her. How many people go through their entire lives without ever even meeting that one person? And if it meant even just knowing her, knowing she existed out there, knowing she was happy out there, this someone who in another life would've been perfect for me, it had _all_ been worth it.

When my cell phone vibrated in my pocket, snapping me out of my epiphany, I moved out of the way as I answered the call.

"Edward, we're a go." Emmett's voice vibrated with excitement. "It replicated beautifully, wonderfully overnight."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. I wasn't followed my misfortune after all.

"Emmett, thank you, man."

"Don't thank me, _panita_. It was all of us – mostly you fucking pushing us to our limits all the time." He chuckled heartily.

I snorted. "All right, so how soon can you make it to the CDC building, so that we can meet with Leann."

"Ed, I can't leave right now. Bonnie and I are in the middle of documenting everything. You'll have to meet with Leann on your own."

I fisted my hair. "Emmett, there's no way I can talk the microbiology of it the way you can. And you know Leann is all about the microbiology."

"I'm uploading our findings and sending them to you right now. You got this, man."

I swallowed hard. "I got this. Okay."

OOOOO

In another stroke of luck, Raoul didn't give me another half-hour run around when I called him and told him we were a go, and I needed five minutes with Leann before she left for the airport.

"All right. So, she has a quick call that ends at seven-fifteen a.m., and at seven-twenty a.m., she's leaving for the airport."

I looked at my watch. It was six-fifty-nine. That left me no time to go home and shower, likely not even enough to shower at the CDC gym. I looked down at myself, in sweat-dampened shorts and a hoodie.

"Edward?"

"I'll be there."

"I mean it. Her calendar says, 'Seven-twenty: Leave for airport.'"

"Got it. I'll be there. Thanks so much, Raoul."

With rush hour traffic in full swing, the fastest way there was on my own two feet. By the time I made it to the CDC building, my clothes could've been wrung out, and although I kept a change of clothing in my office, it was seven-twelve a.m. when I hit Leann's floor on the elevator.

When I walked through the DD's waiting area, Raoul stood from his desk.

"Oh, thank God you made it. I would've wrung your pretty neck had I kept those five minutes open for you and then you didn't even show…wait, why are you in running clothes?" He leaned in and took a sniff, backing up quickly. "And you smell like sweat."

Meanwhile, I lay my hands on my kneecaps and tried to catch my breath. "Sorry. I went for a morning run, and by the time you called, I didn't have time to stop for a shower or change."

"Whatever. Get yourself together, dude. I'm going to go let her know you're here. Wish me luck," he whispered.

I merely nodded and waved him off as he opened the door to the Deputy Director's office. While I straightened, I heard him clear his throat and announce me.

"Uhm, Leann? Edward Cullen is here. He'd like a few minutes to discuss an important development regarding that flu booster he and his team are working on?"

Through the open door, I heard Leann's annoyed sigh. "Damn it, Raoul, I asked you not to let anyone know I was in the building. You know I have a flight to Atlanta to catch this morning."

"I know, Leann. I apologize, but Edward's promised to keep it to five minutes, and I thought…"

When the cell phone in my shorts pocket vibrated and interrupted my eavesdropping, I sucked my teeth and decided I'd check it later. But my Millennial hand instinctively reached in and pulled out the phone – a phone set up to scan my retina on the home screen and provide me with the first few words of my incoming messages, news stories, texts…

With the first few words of the incoming text, my heavy breaths instantly ceased. In fact, I stopped breathing altogether.

**Hi, Edward. It's Bella. I know it's been a while, and I know the last time we spoke-**

With lightning speed, I swiped a finger over the phone screen to open the rest of the message.

"Edward, you can come in. Leann's agreed to give you five minutes." Raoul appeared in my periphery, standing at the door to the Deputy Director's office, while before me appeared a text message in its entirety.

**Hi, Edward. It's Bella. I know it's been a while, and I know the last time we spoke, our conversation ended badly. ****I've been wondering, however, if perhaps we could have coffee. There were- **

"Edward?"

"Hold on," I snapped.

**There were things you once wanted to tell me, and I think I'm ready to listen. I think if we discussed these issues, we could both get some closure. All right, let me know. Thanks.**

"Edward, what the hell?" Raoul hissed. "The Deputy Director is waiting, and she's only agreed to give you five minutes."

"Tell him he's down to four!" the Director called out from her office.

"Did you hear that?"

With my heart now racing and my mind in a bewildered, disoriented, and off-kilter uproar, I took the only next step I could at that moment…the very last step I _wanted_ to take. I repocketed the phone, took a deep breath, and walked into the Deputy Director's office.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Just want to make clear that I've made up the entire flu scenario, from the name of the strain to the method of creating the booster, by very, very, very loosely following the outline of how the 2009 H1N1 Pandemic occurred. When H1N1 popped up in 2009, it was a novel (unknown) strain, and it's a pretty interesting (and somewhat frightening) story of how it all went down. Had they not found a way to stop the spread, we could all be dead right now. **

**Anyway, if anyone wants to read up on it, it's good reading. I took a bit from there and made up a whole lot, lol, since I know nothing on that front. **

**Chapter song rec: **_**The Reason**_** by Hoobastank.**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817 **

"**See" you guys soon. :)**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 17**

Seated behind her desk, CDC Deputy Director Leann Polk checked her watch.

"Edward, that was wonderfully quick, exact, straightforward, and all of it accomplished in about ninety-seconds; impressive." She offered me a grin accompanied by a slow nod.

In fact, everything about the rushed, impatient demeanor the deputy director sported about ninety seconds earlier was now considerably diminished, ever since I'd laid out the main points regarding Emmett's success with the high yield replication of a viable anti-viral.

And with that urgent task out of the way, it was only now that my arms and legs began quaking, agitated by a matter which was perhaps less urgent to the world-at-large, but to me, it was momentous.

_Hi, Edward. It's Bella. I know it's been a while…_

_She_ contacted me. _She_ wanted to talk – for 'closure', yes, and I was sure the bittersweet agony of that would hit me full force once she had her closure, but for now, she wanted to meet with me. What's more, after my epiphany earlier that morning, bittersweet agony was a small price to pay.

I eased off my chair. "I'm glad my team and I could be of service, Leann. We'll talk again as soon as Emmett and Bonnie-"

"Edward, I wish everyone in this agency got to the point as quickly as you just did. Sometimes, I have people come in here requesting five minutes, but guess what? They don't really mean five minutes," she chuckled, leaning across her desk and forcing me – after a furtive exhalation – to reclaim my seat. "Instead, they just go on and on and on," – she gestured a continuous loop – "ad nauseum, with not only useless but time-consuming information."

"Uhm…I know what you mean." I checked my watch and lifted myself off the chair again. "So, I'll just get out of your way-"

"I want you to know I appreciate your hard work as well as the expeditiousness with which you accomplished it all. Look at you. Seriously, look at you." When she pointed at me, I locked my jaw and, taking my seat yet again, obediently looked down at myself. "You didn't even waste time trying to impress me with a fancy suit this morning. For heaven's sake, you're still in your jogging shorts and hoodie! It's that sort of dedication to our mission which impresses me even more than if you'd waltzed in here wearing an EMC Designs, custom-made suit. Yes, I know she's your mom," she whispered conspiratorially before chuckling again.

In return, I forced a smile.

"Edward, you're truly an asset to this agency and to our efforts at keeping the public safe and healthy."

_I've been wondering, however, if perhaps we can have coffee…_

"Thank you, Leann. I appreciate the sentiment. But as I said, Emmett and Bonnie have worked nonstop. They're documenting the results as we speak, which is why they couldn't join us for this meeting. In fact, the entire team-"

"I know, I know." She waved off the rest. "I know your entire team has worked hard, and once this is over, you and your team will be officially recognized for it all."

_There were things you once wanted to tell me…_

"Thanks. Now, if-"

"This'll make what, two years in a row you've received a recognition award?"

"Three. Can we-"

Her brows rose high above her forehead. "Three years in a row? Edward, pretty soon you'll be running-"

"I'm sorry, Leann, but weren't you on a tight schedule today? I don't want to be the cause-"

"Well, there's really not so much of a rush now that I don't need to make it to the airport, is there?" Leann grinned. "Oh, I better speak to Emily and let her know what's going on so that she can cancel the meeting this afternoon. Raoul," she called out, "please get me the Director on the phone!"

"Sure, Leann!" Raoul replied.

…_and I think I'm ready to listen…_

I checked my watch.

"All right, Leann. I'll leave you to it then." I stood up completely.

"Why don't you stay and join us for the call, Edward?" she suggested. "You can lead. You've earned the lead."

_I think if we discussed these issues…_

"Thank you, Leann, honestly, but I actually have another urgent call to make. Would it be all right if we reconvened later when Emmett and Bonnie complete their documentation? We both know Emmett is better equipped than I am at providing the microbiology portion of it anyway."

The deputy director chuckled once more. "That _is_ true. All right, let's plan on later this afternoon. I'll probably spend the morning and early afternoon on calls assuring everyone we're finally a go with the antiviral."

"Sounds good."

I began to turn.

"And Edward?"

"Yes, Leann?" I gritted through my teeth as I turned to face her.

"Plan on being in Atlanta next week. We're going to have to work on this from headquarters for a bit, at least while we meet with the FDA and HHS and other agencies on preliminary production, approvals, and distribution schedules. The holidays are just around the corner. We've got to keep the momentum going for as long as we can."

"I agree. Thanks again, Leann, for giving me your time."

This time, I turned and strode decisively toward the door, even as she called out yet again.

"Thanks to you and your team, Edward, once again, the world will never know just how close it came to complete and utter annihilation!"

We both laughed as I walked out of her office.

Despite everything, in our careers, you had to keep up your sense of humor.

OOOOO

"You're done." As I stepped out of Leann's office and shut her door behind me, Raoul checked his watch, "And with thirty seconds to spare. I'm impressed."

"Yeah, I'm quick and to the point. I've heard. Thanks."

In the middle of the waiting area, I pulled out my cell phone and unlocked the screen. Then, for a handful of seconds, my thumbs hovered over the keyboard. I hadn't spoken her name or written it…tried not to even think of it for months.

**Bella.**

I mouthed the name as I typed it, smiled to myself at how good it felt to say it as I hit send.

"What did you say?" Raoul asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh. Well, Leann wants me to schedule you for another meeting this afternoon. Your team and you will get an entire half-hour this time."

"Good. Good."

**How are you?**

I sent off the question as I thought about what more I wanted to say. Then, I snorted to myself because the question to myself should've been 'What _didn't_ I want to say?'

**It's great to hear from you. It's been a long while. The way things ended was…difficult, to say the least. You looked amazing the other day, truly happy, and I was thrilled to see that. There were things I wanted to tell you, things I've regretted not saying from the very first time I saw you in that coffee shop, and things I'll still tell you if you'll listen.**

"Edward!"

I sent the text and looked up sharply. "What?"

Raoul rolled his eyes. "I need to know your team's availability today."

"You need to know _now_?"

"Yes, Edward; I need to know _now_. When you needed your five minutes with Leann, you needed them _now_, right?"

"You're right." I sighed as I switched out of my text to Bella and texted my team instead. "You're right."

Five minutes later, and with everyone having replied with their availability, I returned to my previous text – to which Bella still hadn't replied.

**And if it'll give you closure, if that's what you need. Just let me know where and when, okay? Take care, Bella.**

I mouthed her name once more before hitting 'send.'

"So, three o'clock sounds good for everyone?" Raoul asked.

I stared at the screen and nodded after a few seconds. "Yeah. Yeah, three o'clock sounds good."

"All right. It's set. Gives you more than enough time to go home, shower, and change before the meeting," Raoul suggested pointedly.

On the cell phone screen, there was still no reply. With another deep breath, I repocketed the phone and looked up at Raoul.

"I should. And Raoul, thanks for everything."

OOOOO

Just as I reached the corner of my block, the phone in my pocket buzzed. For a few seconds, I didn't dare look. Instead, I stood in the middle of the block and took in my surroundings. The neighborhood teemed with its daily routines, individuals scurrying back and forth, cars racing to their destinations, storefronts decorated for the end-of-year holidays. Everyone was unaware and understandably uncaring as to why I just stood there. Why this moment was so huge for me, one way or another. Then, just like a true New Yorker, I caught myself talking to myself.

"What's the worst that could happen? She says she changed her mind and she doesn't need to speak with me for closure or for anything after all. Or it's not her at all and…she never replies." I snorted. "But at least I'll know I crossed her mind."

Drawing in a breath, I pulled out my phone.

**The coffee shop? Noon today?**

It was New York City, so I doubt the broad grin on my face as I replied to the text went noticed.

**See you there and then, Bella.**

OOOOO

At eleven-forty-five a.m., I arrived at the coffee shop where I re-met Bella a year ago, and a year after That Day. It was a strange sensation, being back at the coffee shop which held so many good memories, yet all of them intertwined within half-truths if not outright lies by omission. Inside, things had changed. There was some redecorating, which made it appear more like a trendy café than the basic but kick-ass coffee shop I'd patronized for a couple of years. Also, Bree was gone. Good luck to her but thank God.

I took a seat at a small table for two in a relatively quiet part of the packed café, and then I purposely chose the seat with my back to the door. Inspecting every person who passed by would've driven me insane while I waited. I also forced myself not to turn every time the bell over the coffee shop door chimed. So, I sat stiffly and with a racing heart, adjusting my button-down shirt, clearing my throat so many times the people at the table across from me looked over once or twice, raking a hand through my hair, and…waiting.

Yet, despite my resolve not to turn every time the bell chimed, at eleven-forty-eight, it chimed and…I turned and looked over my shoulder.

Even as I stood to greet her, I was half-convinced she was a vision. The prior evening, my team and I were at least forty-eight hours from a viable antiviral, and the one and only time I'd seen Bella in a year had been a couple of weeks earlier, while she was on a date with someone else.

_How_ had I gotten from that to here in less than twenty-four hours?

And it wasn't simply that she looked unbelievably beautiful, even more so than I'd allowed myself to remember. She wore jeans tucked into black boots and a short, black leather jacket, with her hair loose and falling past her shoulders in waves. And I preferred it all to the dress she wore for _him_, but it was none of that.

It was her eyes; or rather, it was the look in her eyes as she walked toward me, the expression in them obviously one of nervousness, yet locked on mine as if they were as helplessly hypnotized as I was. For two seconds, they lit up in a way I'd never expected to witness again, dark yet full of light, rounded as if despite her anxiety…she wasn't uneasy. While they didn't convey the ease I'd witnessed between her and the man at the restaurant, a uniquely complex myriad of emotions danced in them.

As she reached the table, she broke our gaze, and I sprang into action, swiftly rounding the table and with shaking hands, pulling out her chair. Carlisle taught me one or two useful things.

"Thanks," she murmured softly, voice just as musical as I recalled.

"No problem," I replied as she took her seat, and then I returned to my own. With both of us facing one another, our eyes met and held yet again. After a few moments, I cleared my throat and spoke.

"You look great. You let your hair grow out again."

"Oh." She reached back and touched her hair as if surprised by the compliment. "Thanks. You look great too."

Now it was my turn to be caught by surprise. "Uhm, I was going to order you a coffee, but I wasn't sure if you still took it the same." A ghost of a smile spread across my face as I recalled the barista calling out a year earlier, 'Bella, dark and bitter!'

"Oh." She cleared her throat. "Yes. Yes, I do take it the same."

"Okay. So, give me a sec, and I'll go put in our orders?" I gestured toward the counter.

"Okay. Thank you."

I stood up as fluidly as I could manage, exhaling through narrowed lips when I turned. Coffee – dark and bitter for her; light and foamy for me. Ordering the coffee would give me a couple of minutes to pull myself together here. Fortunately or unfortunately, there happened to be no one else in line, and with a barista who appeared much more efficient than Bree, it was barely enough time. I was back in my seat within a minute. Bella quirked an eyebrow as if surprised by the speed of my return as well.

"They should be ready in a few minutes."

She nodded, and then, simultaneously, we both appeared to decide to bite the bullet.

"Edward, I-"

"Bella, you-"

Now we chuckled in unison. I motioned for her to go first. She began slowly and haltingly, which killed me, but as she continued, she appeared to relax some more.

"I just wanted to thank you for meeting me today on such short notice and…despite how we left things the last time we spoke."

I shook my head swiftly. "No. No problem. I was…glad to hear from you, even gladder you texted today and not last week or next."

"How come?" She titled her head curiously, her long hair falling over one shoulder.

I drew in a breath. Oh, I would tell her the entire truth this time; I'd learned my fucking lesson. But did she want the short answer right now…or the complicated one?

Unsure, I scraped my hands across the table back and forth, keeping my gaze on them as I spoke.

"Well, I've been away for a while, for the past year or so."

"For work?"

No; no, I'd gone too long without looking at her. When I looked up, I met those hypnotizing eyes yet again.

"Yeah."

"Where've you been?"

"Uh, I was in Asia for a while – for a few months before last year's flu season. Then in Central America and the Caribbean for a small yellow fever outbreak. I spent a couple of months in Atlanta at CDC Headquarters."

"You were in New York a couple of weeks ago, though. Right?"

She smiled, and for a few seconds, I stared in silent bewilderment due to both the ever-growing ease of her smile and her knowledge of my whereabouts a couple of weeks earlier."

"Yeah." I offered her a faint smile in return. "That night I saw you with…" - _your boyfriend_ \- I cleared my throat, "I saw you at that restaurant, I was picking up an order for a group of us back at the office. We were having a late session at work. There are issues with this year's flu vaccine, but-" Fuck, I was rambling on about work. Offering her an apologetic grin, I shook my head and cut myself the hell off. "Never mind."

"No," she said then nodded. "No, I know. I mean…I saw you on TV a couple of weeks ago talking about it."

I quirked a brow. "You did?"

"Yeah. You discussed specific strains."

It took me back to those days when she'd tease me on the daily, when she'd listen so intently to all my bullshit about work, despite everything she had going on in her life.

I threw back my head and chuckled heartily, so fucking happy and heartbroken all at once. When the chuckled diminished, I sighed and met her gaze again.

"I guess I never learn my lesson about that, do I?"

"Apparently not," she grinned.

"My friend and colleague, Emmett McCarty, was standing behind the camera while I gave that interview. When I started talking strains, he waved his hands wildly, mouthed, 'Stop!' But, I was on a roll."

"Yeah, I remember how you are once you get started on those strains." She rolled her eyes and God…God, she remembered. For a few moments, neither one of us said anything, while I wondered what went through her mind.

"Anyway, last week I was at CDC Headquarters again, and I have to return next week."

"You've been busy."

"Yeah," I nodded, "but you know what they say about idle hands and idle minds." I raked a nervous hand through my hair. "Anyway, it's been good. Keeps me focused. I haven't-"

"Bella, dark and bitter! Edward, light and foamy!"

Bella chuckled quietly. "I see you still take it the same too."

Jesus, how much did she remember?

"I do," I grinned. "Excuse me. I'll be right back."

I picked up the coffees and returned promptly. For a while, we both kept our hands around our mugs, yet neither took a sip or spoke.

"So Bella, how-"

"Edward-"

Again, we shared a mutually self-conscious chuckle, dropping our eyes to the space between us.

"I went first before," she said. "It's your turn now."

Drawing in a deep breath, I met her dark eyes.

"How've _you_ been, Bella?" I asked softly. Did you fall in love with him? Is this truly closure so that you can move on with him?

"I've been good, Edward. Pretty good. Busy as well." She paused and smiled. "I got a job."

"Did you?" I grinned. "Where- I mean," – It was an invasive fucking question, especially considering our past – "Sorry. I just meant, what do you do?"

"No, it's fine, it's fine." She magnanimously waved away my apology, but I could tell I'd made her uncomfortable. We both reached for our coffee and hid behind our mugs for a handful of seconds. She was the first to set it down and clear her throat, bravely continuing our conversation.

"Well, though not as exciting as your year around the world-"

I snorted.

"I'm actually part of a writer's group workshop downtown," she continued. "We set up publications, readings, and contests for new writers, stuff like that. It's interesting work. I meet a lot of wonderful people."

"That sounds amazing, Bella, and right up your alley. You've always been an artistic, free spirit, who was never meant to be bound by some stupid, two-cent, neighborhood publication. It sounds great, Bella; it really does."

For a moment, I feared I'd said too much, revealed my love for her too openly and made her uncomfortable once again. But Bella just held my gaze, and so I dared further.

"But what about your writing?" I asked carefully. "How's that going? I remember…I remember you were really involved in a project-"

"It was a novel," she said. "It was a novel, Edward."

"You never told me that before," I murmured.

This time, she didn't reply right away.

"I was going to. I was going to tell you exactly what I was writing. That weekend…I was going to share it with you, ask you if you wanted to read it."

My heart dropped to my feet. Concurrently, anger at my stupidity, at all I'd lost swelled within me.

"And I fucked it all up," I breathed, nostrils flaring as I broke our gaze. "I fucked it up from the very beginning. And worst of all…I _hurt_ you."

"That night after I found out, you called me; you weren't supposed to be back in New York yet. You had a conference the next morning in Atlanta, a speech you were scheduled to give. That's why we were waiting until Friday night to meet."

I kept my gaze on the window, on the golden glow of a fall afternoon.

"You came back to New York early."

I nodded.

"To speak with me?"

Again, I nodded.

"What happened with your speech, Edward?"

Speech. I'd never told her it was actually an award. I shrugged, snorting as I recalled Emmett's fury that day at my last-minute request that he accept the award on my behalf because I had more urgent business. If only I'd treated it with the urgency it required earlier…

"I asked a colleague, Emmett, to present it for me."

In my periphery, I saw Bella shake her head. When she spoke again, her voice shook, and the words she said, so close to what I'd just thought myself, took my breath away. For a couple of seconds, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"So much urgency once you realized I'd figured it out. Why couldn't you have shown that urgency beforehand? The moment you handed me that coffee cup, you should've-"

I forced my guilty gaze back to her. "I was wrong, Bella; one-hundred percent wrong. I'll own that completely. But for those first few minutes, I honestly thought you recognized me. And I thought…for those first few minutes, I thought the fact that you actually spoke to me meant something. I thought it meant you _remembered_ me, and you were okay with me despite who I was and who I... It wasn't until we stood out on the sidewalk that I realized you thought you were speaking with a perfect stranger."

"Why didn't you say anything then?"

"I should've," I admitted miserably. "But…I didn't think it likely I'd see you again after that, and I selfishly wanted to hold on to our conversation for a few minutes longer."

"Fine," she snapped. "What about the time after that, Edward? You had so many opportunities in those first few weeks."

I'd be honest with her. This time, I'd lay my heart out, no matter what it cost me. She deserved that and more.

"Do you know I saw you in that coffee shop for two straight weeks after that first encounter, and I didn't say a word to you? I didn't approach you. I'd come in and get my coffee, and there you'd be, typing away, distracted by your imagination, and I would stand there and wonder… One day, I found myself sitting next to you again, speaking with you, and every word between us just drew me in more and more. Every subsequent encounter was the same, and every subsequent encounter, I told myself I'd tell you before I left. And when I didn't, I hated myself. But Jesus, Bella," I said, fisting my hair, "you should've been the hardest person in the world for me to speak with, yet you were the easiest. You should've been the easiest person for me to run the other way from, yet you were the hardest."

"And all while you did these things, all while you knew this, you left me in the dark," she choked. "You took it upon yourself to deal with the paradox of _us_, and in the process, you made it _all_ a lie. You turned it into a mockery."

"It wasn't _all_ a lie," I said swiftly. Yes, I'd lay my heart out there, no matter the cost. "The most salient fact of all wasn't a lie."

She shut her eyes and shook my head.

"Are you okay?"

Her eyes shot open, fire swirling in their dark depths. "I'm fine, Edward. I wasn't a china doll then, and I'm not one now. And I would've been fine. I would've been better had you been honest and upfront, than with the mortification you made me feel with your lies, with your omissions."

No, she wasn't a china doll, but I'd taken it upon myself to be her protector anyway, her knight in shining armor without letting her know I'd placed her in a castle to which only I had the key.

"God, I'm so sorry."

"Tell me the truth. Tell me everything, once and for all. Tell me what was real back then and what wasn't, so that I can try to figure out what's real now. Because I'm stuck now, Edward," she said, gripping her own hair now. "I've managed the database as far as I can on my own, and I think I've done well with it. But it's getting mixed up because I don't know what files should take precedence…and which ones should be returned to the bottom of the list."

I understood her instantly. Bella's mind had always worked in the most complexly magnificent way; it was one of the many things I adored about her. So, despite the reference to a database, I knew exactly what she meant. She was putting a life together: new job, new friends, new love, but she needed to make sense of our time and how it tied into That Day before she could go on…fall completely in love…marry…

In the small space between us, her hands were in tense fists. Holding her gaze, allowing her every opportunity to stop me, I slowly inched my hand toward hers, toward the hand she'd had enclosed within another man's hand a couple of weeks earlier. I wouldn't push too far, no. So, when I reached her hand, I brushed her soft knuckles lightly, stroked the smooth skin until her hand relaxed…and then fighting against every temptation, I pulled my hand away with the ghostly imprint of her skin still on my fingertips.

"If your database is mixed up, let me help you sort through it. And then…it'll be completely up to you how you want to organize those files."

For one long moment, Bella held me locked in her enigmatically dark gaze.

"Completely up to me, huh? Even though you're…even though you'll be sorting through it with me?"

"Yes, Bella," I breathed. "This time, you'll be completely in charge, and every last piece of data will be yours for the asking."

"Mine for the asking," she echoed, nodding thoughtfully, searching my eyes before she blinked and broke our connection. When her gaze swept to the window, mine followed suit. Outside, the late fall's breeze whipped up a collection of dry, broken leaves, which had gathered at the curb. They formed a funnel right in front of us, twisting and churning in the air before diving back onto the sidewalk and scattering. All the while, Bella watched it all in open fascination. Even before she spoke, I knew her mind was creating the most magnificent scenario.

"They look like pebbles bouncing off the ground, don't they?"

I chuckled in quiet awe at her ability to create the perfect comparison. "They do. Though, it's a shame they make such a mess at this time of year by getting into everything."

Once more, she met my eyes. "But that's their purpose, isn't it, Edward – getting into everything at this time of year?"

When I tilted my head in confusion, she sighed…and smiled.

"During the height of summer, when we're too involved in ourselves to pay them any mind, the leaves blend into the background of our lives. But when the summer ends, when we're ready to look beyond ourselves…that's when they shine through, with their rich and vibrant colors, always ready to brighten our days," she finished in a whisper.

It was a full minute before I could reply.

"You always had such a way with words, with describing the simplest scenery."

"It's _not_ simple scenery," she grinned, her eyes holding a hint of that teasing sparkle I once…still adored. "That's my whole point."

I chuckled ruefully. "You're right. But what I meant was…Bella…" – I leaned in slightly across the table. She'd allowed me to touch her, to offer her comfort as much as it was in my power to do so. The last thing I wanted was to push her beyond that comfort zone. "…have you ever heard of Chaos Theory?"

This time, the smirk she gave me held more than a hint of that sardonic humor I'd missed so much. Backing away, she crossed her arms against her chest.

"Had you ever read my novel…my transcript I should say, you'd know that I have. I'm not an expert at it, but basically, Chaos Theory says that there's order in the most random events, that small events yield huge outcomes. A butterfly flaps its wings, a pebble is cast in a pond, and it all reverberates far and wide. So the leaves outside, they were always meant to be there, always meant to blend in the summer, and shine in the fall."

"Yeah," I whispered. "According to Chaos Theory, those leaves broke off days ago, but they were always going to end up in front of that window to make you smile."

She offered me a gentle smile before drawing in a deep breath.

"Can we meet again in a couple of days to begin sorting through that database."

I swallowed thickly. With the antiviral a go, my days were going to be packed.

"Of course we can, Bella. Of course, we can."

OOOOO

Late that evening, after another successful though much longer meeting with Leann as well as with the rest of our team…and after my coffee meeting with Bella, I finally laid my head on my pillow. I'd have to examine my day in detail. However, before I could begin, my cell phone vibrated. Sighing, I reached for it across the bed, sure it was a work-related text. When I picked it up, a slow, wistful smile spread across my face.

**Hi, Edward. I just wanted to thank you again for meeting with me today. I do realize you had no obligation to do so, and I also realize you must be extremely busy with all this flu stuff going around. So, I just wanted to say thanks again.**

"God, Bella. God," I murmured as I replied to her text.

**Thank YOU, Bella, for reaching out. I'll do all I can to help you sort through your database. All data is yours now, I promise.**

She replied a minute later.

**Do you realize how we both use**

My brow furrowed at that strange message, but another text came through on the heels of that one.

**Nvm that. I meant to delete that. Edward, I think this will be good for both of us, give us both some closure.**

Closure.

I forced myself to reply despite the finality of that word if it meant finally doing right by her.

**If this is what you need to move forward, you can count on me, Bella.**

When one minute became five minutes and she didn't text again, I assumed she was done. Setting the phone back on the nightstand, I stared up at the ceiling.

The phone vibrated.

**Goodnight, Edward.**

**Goodnight, Bella.**

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**The fam and I will be on a cruise vacation, sipping mojitos, laying in white sand beaches and swimming the aqua blue waters of the Caribbean for the next two weeks, so I can't promise any updates between now and then. Either way, "see" you relatively soon!**


	19. Broken Ch 18

**A/N: It's been a while, I know. Thanks for sticking around. Hope the chapter makes up for the long wait. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 18**

"Therefore, in coordination with the FDA, we've granted the manufacturer Emergency Use Authorization, so that they'll be able to begin clinicals of the antiviral booster on Monday, when we'll all be in Atlanta." Up on the video conference screen, I clearly saw the CDC Director of Infectious Disease's long-drawn breath of relief as she completed her briefing. "That was…a pretty quick turn-around, Edward, Emmett, Maria, Bonnie, all of you – one of the quickest turn-arounds I've ever been a part of in such a situation, that's for sure. You should all be extremely proud of yourselves." The open awe in her tone made us all look around the table and grin somewhat sheepishly.

"Thank you, Emily," we replied in semi-unison.

"And Edward, the time and effort you personally have dedicated to this…" Emily added, "I've been informed by LeeAnn as well as by others that you've remained in the office until the early hours of the morning on more than one occasion, and when out of the office, you're always on call, working on furthering the antiviral's prep and distribution. Your dedication is commendable."

"Director, we're _all_ extremely dedicated to getting this antiviral out to the public," I clarified.

"I won't lie, though; Edward is the most dedicated," Emmett chuckled. "Don't expect to find me often hanging around here at four in the morning."

"Or me," Maria agreed.

"Or me," the others around the table quipped.

"That's bull," I said, smirking over the ensuing laughter. "When necessary, we've _all_ pulled all-nighters."

"The _entire_ team is exemplary," Emily granted, chuckling along before her voice took on a more somber tone. "While we're not completely out of the woods just yet, as the additional confirmed cases announced this morning demonstrate, the long hours you all put in mitigated what could've potentially been a worldwide disaster greater than the Pandemic of 2009. So, I suspect we _are_ over the hump, and once again…the world will never know how close it came to annihilation."

"And it shouldn't," I murmured.

"Very true, Edward," she conceded. After a few seconds of silence, the director gathered her papers and began standing.

"Anything else before we end this connection?"

I cleared my throat. "Just one more thing, Director. Have we looked further into adjusting the dosage for the younger, the elderly, and all others with weaker or compromised immune systems?"

With a heavy sigh, the director reclaimed her seat and folded her hands over her papers.

"To be honest, Edward, no we haven't, and I'm not convinced it's either necessary or prudent at this point."

LeeAnn, who sat across the table from me, leaned forward. "Edward, we're good to go, and Emily and I are concerned that such an investigation would delay the overall process."

"Perhaps, but it would be a _necessary_ delay," I stressed. "Emily, LeeAnn, we're fast-tracking these clinicals, yes, but that doesn't mean we should cut corners."

Emmett backed me up. "The ramifications of cutting corners could prove almost as disastrous as the initial strain. Should the immuno-compromised develop side effects-"

"The statistics demonstrate that a few side effects would be a small price to pay for the overall benefit-"

"Director, with all due respect," I said, cutting her off impatiently, and on the verge of losing my shit, "we're talking about people not statistics. These are parents, grandparents, children, nieces, nephews."

"Heightened dosage would likely cause nothing beyond vomiting and diarrhea," LeeAnn argued.

"Likely?" I spat. "Since when do we at the CDC deal in 'likely?'"

My mind abruptly filled with images of JJ and his infectious giggles. Then, I pictured him too sick to giggle because the booster his uncle helped develop wasn't adjusted for his young immune system.

And then…strangely…another young boy invaded my mind. This one, however, had green eyes unlike JJ's blue ones…and chocolate-brown waves instead of JJ's curls. And he was lethargic; dehydrated and whimpering in his crib, while his chocolate-haired mother cried on my shoulder…

Shaking the dually bewildering and disturbing images out of my head, I clenched my hands over the table. If I lost control, I'd accomplish nothing beyond pissing off the CDC Director of Infectious Diseases and possibly losing my job, neither which would further my objective. However, if safeguarding the health and safety of the general public, of JJ, my mom, my asshole dad, and…an ethereal boy who would likely never exist meant using the one argument which always got the CDC riled up…I'd do that and much more.

"You're right; you're right," I nodded, speaking much more calmly. "The side effects will _likely_ be little beyond vomiting and diarrhea, though the Anti-vaxxers will _likely_ have a field day with that as ammunition against inoculation. And once that gets to the press," I snorted, "that the booster is making people sick, the number of people who will _likely_ opt out of receiving it will be-"

"Fine." The director's palm shot up. "Fine. You've made your point, Edward. Run whatever tests you need," she scowled. "How long of a delay are we talking about now?"

Emmett took over. "Honestly, Emily, LeeAnn, it would be negligible considering EUA has already been granted to the manufacturer. I can begin running diagnostics from our downtown lab this morning."

On screen, Emily once again gathered her papers. This time, she made sure she got to her feet.

"Fine. Have the results and a game plan ready by Monday morning, when we meet in Atlanta. If we need to adjust the dosage for those with weaker immune systems…" she sighed, "we will."

"Thank you, Director," I said with much more heartfelt respect.

She smirked at me. "You and your team are lucky you're so invaluable. Have a good day, people." With a chuckle, the director moved out of view.

OOOOO

As we made our way out of the conference room, Emmett clapped me on the back.

"Playing hardball with the director, huh? I thought she might have a heart attack and keel over right on screen when you brought up the 'A-Xers.'" He stage-whispered the last word.

"Hey, she left me no choice," I said.

"Oh, I totally agree," Emmett easily concurred, "but if the director wants a game plan by Monday morning, that gives us a tight deadline."

"What else is new?" I smirked.

"Yeah, no kidding," he snorted as he consulted his watch. "All right, let's make a quick coffee run before Bonnie and I head to the lab. We should be able to get back to you sometime this afternoon, with at least an-"

"Em, I can't." I checked my own watch while we waited for the elevator. It was nine in the morning. In a few, short hours, I'd be meeting with _her_ once again…with _Bella_. I had to be prepared, in more ways than one. Because for all I knew…

For all I knew, this would be the last time I ever saw her.

"I can't run for coffee. I've got a few items to complete before I…" I cleared my throat. "I'm going to need to take my full lunch break today, and I want to finish up some stuff before I go."

I sincerely hoped Emmett didn't take note of the shaky breath I involuntarily drew. Thankfully, the elevator arrived, and we shuffled in among the other riders.

"Your _full_ lunch break?" Emmett whispered when the doors closed, unfortunately clinging to the topic. "I don't think you've taken your full lunch break in…well, in ages."

I spared him a sidelong glance, then shifted my gaze to the quickly ascending floor numbers. The elevator sped upward.

"Full lunch break for what?" he asked.

When the elevator stopped, a few riders got off, leaving two other riders besides Emmett and me on the elevator.

"You're a nosey fucker," I whispered in return, my eyes still on the digital display.

"What?" he chuckled loudly. "It's a question."

"It's an invasive question."

"An invasive question?" he almost shouted. When the elevator doors opened on my floor, I calmly met the eyes of the two, intrigued and somewhat wary-looking people remaining with us and wished them a good day before rushing out, vainly hoping Em wouldn't follow.

"I'm just wondering, because you never take your full lunch break," he persisted, following me down the hall.

"See what I mean?"

"What the heck?" He snort-chuckled and stopped in his tracks. "I feel like we went around in a circle."

"We didn't," I smirked, opening the door to my office. "We took the elevator and arrived here."

Emmett remained glued to his spot. Meanwhile, I looked inside and offered a surprised smile to the two individuals waiting for me.

"Ed, hold up! You still haven't answered-"

"Edward, honey."

"Mom," I grinned.

"Mrs. Cullen!" Emmett exclaimed.

Before I could reach my mom, JJ jumped out of his stroller, ran toward me, and climbed into my arms.

"Uncoe Ed! Uncoe Ed!"

"Hey, buddy." I kissed his forehead. "How've you been?"

"Nanny me bye-bye!" he sang happily.

"So, I see," I chuckled.

Esme approached to first kiss my cheek, then Emmett's.

"Emmett, honey, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm okay, Mrs. Cullen. Feeling a bit abused by your son, but that's nothing new." When he shrugged, my mom chuckled and pinched his cheek.

"You poor, long-suffering boy."

"Oh, brother," I muttered under my breath before shooting my mom a grin. "Mom, what are you doing here?"

"If I'm intruding, just let me know," she said firstly. "I promise I won't be offended. I know you've been extremely busy with the flu booster, but since I was in the neighborhood, I figured I'd pop in. Either way, like I said, honey, I swear I won't be offended if you're too busy for a quick visit."

"Mom," I smiled softly, "you and my nephew are two on the short list of people I'll make time for right now."

She smiled tenderly in return. "Good. Alice has a job interview this morning, so she asked if JJ could sleep over last night. Naturally, I didn't want the poor little man to be woken up too early and then shuffled all the way to our place. He's such a good boy, isn't he?" She smiled at JJ and pinched his cheek now.

JJ giggled.

"Just out of curiosity, is the other one finally gainfully employed?" I asked furtively, hoping to ensure JJ didn't understand the question. "Is that why he couldn't watch his own-"

"Edward," my mom murmured, shaking her head. "No, he's not."

Snorting, I changed the subject. "So, what do you two have planned for the day?"

"Well, there's a _Grandma and Me_ class nearby I wanted to take JJ to in a little while. Then, afterward, I wanted to see if you wanted to join us for a quick lunch date? I know you don't usually take your full hour,-"

Emmett snorted.

"-so, we can pick up something nearby," Esme continued. "You're invited too, Emmett, sweetheart," she smiled, pinching Emmett's cheek once more.

Emmett beamed. "Mrs. Cullen, that is seriously the best date offer I've received all year."

My mom laughed. "I'm honored; though, I'm not sure what that says of your social life this year, especially considering it's November," she teased. "How about you, Edward?"

Grinning wickedly, Emmett looked at me and crossed his arms against his chest. "Oh, yeah. I'm about to be adopted. Emmett McCarty Vargas Cullen – has a good ring to it."

"Em, how old are you?" I double-checked, making Emmett snicker.

"Not too old to take your place as _Mom's_ son."

Rolling my eyes at him, I turned back to my mom. "I've got lunch plans, Mom."

"Get this, _Mom_," Emmett interjected, "he's taking his _full_ lunch break."

"Oh?"

Esme opened her mouth to say more, but then her brow furrowed, and as her eyes narrowed, they seemed to take closer inventory of my EMC designer yet understated clothing, of my well-groomed facial hair, and finally, of my eyes. After a few moments, her gaze softened, and she offered me the pinched-cheek treatment.

"That's fine, honey. Maybe we can have lunch next time, when things slow down a bit for you."

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed.

"Now, JJ," she said, turning her attention to the boy in my arms, "why don't you fill your Uncle Edward in on all your recent adventures, and then we'll get going so that he can return to-"

"That's it?"

Esme locked Emmett in her gaze. "What's it?"

"Aren't you going to ask him what his full-lunch-break lunch plans are?"

"Of course not, Emmett, honey. That would be intrusive."

So, while JJ summarized his past couple of weeks for me in his limited vocabulary, I chuckled heartily.

OOOOO

At ten to twelve, I took a seat at the coffee shop, facing forward; or rather, facing in the direction from which Bella had arrived last time we met here, a few days earlier. While I waited, I gazed through the large, shop window at the crisp view beyond. Signs of the upcoming holidays hummed in the air; they were apparent in the layers people wore, in the muted golden-tone of the sky, in the brightly colored leaves, and of course, in the decorations.

Fall was a mixture of the season before and after it, much as my emotions surrounding this meeting with Bella were a mixture of regrets of the past, and anxiousness for whatever lay ahead. I _wanted_ to see her, of course; to finally be of use to her, help her sort through _everything_ which had occurred on That Day, give her information I'd once withheld, so that she could make sense of it once and for all…

So that she could move on with her life, and possibly with him – with the man in the restaurant. It was entirely likely that moving on for Bella meant letting go – truly letting go – for me. In my mind's eye, I recalled that day a year earlier, a day much like today with its mixed bag of weather, except…Bella and I had stood at a corner, our mouths meeting softly, and for one short, exquisite moment, she'd been mine.

That had to be enough.

When, at five to twelve, my phone vibrated and snatched me out of my musings, I pulled the cell out of my pocket while simultaneously holding my breath against the dread of a last-minute cancellation.

**Ed, Bonnie and I have some preliminary results. They're somewhat different from what we expected, and I was hoping this could be shared with LeeAnn before she leaves for Atlanta this afternoon. Is it possible you can stop by and pick them up or send someone to get them? I know you have plans.**

"Fuck," I expelled sharply under my breath. For a handful of seconds, as I sat at the coffee shop with patrons all abuzz for a million different reasons, I considered repocketing the phone and pretending I hadn't seen the message until after Bella's and my lunch meeting. Then, I considered sending out a quick request for a courier. But as I looked around…saw so many people laughing, enjoying life, looking forward to the holidays and beyond…people who appeared healthy for now…

If they got sick because I chose to sit here, because I dropped the ball or because I chose to send a courier rather than follow through myself…

Then, the dual images of JJ, as he'd been today in my office, of the ethereal, dark-haired boy appeared in my mind, and I knew I _had_ to prioritize.

**I'll be there in a few to pick up the results myself.**

As soon as I sent the message and repocketed the phone, I looked up. All the anxiety and irritation of the morning, of the previous minute melted away. All I saw was her smile. Standing, I returned the smile with no hesitation while Bella pulled open the coffee shop door.

She looked…beautiful. There was no other word. Her cheeks were made rosy by the nip in the day's air. She was dressed for the season in tall, leather boots, in a shaggy, knit cap that contrasted strikingly with her long, dark waves. When she was almost close enough to touch, I rounded the table and greeted her quietly as I pulled out her chair.

"Hey."

"Hey," she breathed in return. When she took her seat, I returned to mine, watching her as she slowly removed her jacket, hung her bag from the chair, and peeled off her gloves one finger at a time. They revealed gnawed thumbs, and once again, I was filled with mixed emotions, taking me back longingly yet painfully to those days of the past.

When she finally met my gaze, she found me grinning, and with my hands knit before me, appearing calm when really, it was a struggle to keep myself from reaching for those gnawed thumbs.

"So, how've you been these past few days, Bella?"

"Anxious. Nervous. And confused. About a lot of things."

Her candidness caught me off-guard, and I pulled back in surprise, though it really shouldn't have startled me. _Her_ honesty had never been the issue.

"And you?" she asked.

"More or less the same," I replied with her same candor.

We held one another's gaze. After a moment, I drew in a deep breath.

"So, I ordered our coffees-"

"Okay, thanks."

"-but I was wondering…" I swallowed audibly, "would you mind running an errand with me?"

Her brows rose high, and it was she who now swallowed and pulled back in surprise.

"Oh. I…Edward, I've got to return to work-"

"It won't take long," I rushed to assure her, automatically leaning in closer to the table. "I just have to pick up some documents from one of our labs a few blocks away. If you'd rather not, that's fine. It can wait a few, but in that case, I'll have to cut out a bit early."

_The Greater Good versus Bella._ It wasn't an easy choice, even if it should've been.

"I apologize, Bella, but something came up today, at the last minute."

"Oh, uhm…" She frowned now and tipped her head sideways, "do you mind telling me what kind of documents?"

She was buying time; of course, I saw it right away. It was an attempt to gauge the situation and likely my intentions more than the actual documents. After all that had happened, she had no reason to trust me, yet here I was, asking for her trust off the bat. When she requested this meeting, Bella wanted answers, not a questionable traipse around New York City.

So, I'd give her what she requested: a detailed explanation of documents, so that while I explained, she could decide whether she could trust me in this, at least.

"Sorry. I should've started out with a more detailed explanation, but I know how carried away I can get."

She chuckled, expelling a series of shaky sighs afterward. "No, don't apologize. Just don't give me strain numbers in the details."

Jesus. She recalled my issue with providing too many details. What's more, was she attempting to ease my tension, even as she obviously felt her own?

And I was, in fact, relieved, offering my gratitude in the form of surprised, barked laughter.

I cleared my throat. "Don't give you strain numbers," I echoed. "Okay. Well, without going into strain numbers," I smirked, "the documents are related to the new flu strain the CDC has been studying. We've been testing it, and the documents are the results of some of the latest rounds."

"What are you testing it for?"

_Take your time, my love. I have no hidden agenda here – not anymore._

"We're trying to develop an inoculation that'll cover the strain, but we've got to make sure it's safe for the general population." I frowned as I recalled this morning's conference with the director and deputy director.

"It's kind of late in the season for a new flu vaccine, isn't it?" She sounded genuinely interested now. "I mean, I already received mine."

"I'm glad to hear that. And yes, it _is_ late in the season, which is why this is such a rush, but it's a nasty strain, Bella. This would be a booster to the original inoculation."

"It sounds urgent."

"It is," I admitted, "and I understand if you can't or if you honestly don't want to take the walk with me. I should've texted you, but I was just informed the results were ready. Either way, it's pretty time sensitive, so I may have to-"

"We should get going then."

My quickly-beating heart pounded to a stop, while without another word, Bella began gathering her things. Slowly, petrified to move too quickly, I stood.

"Uhm, I'll pick up the coffees to go?"

"Okay, thanks." She shrugged into her jacket, avoiding my eyes, and I had to remind myself to keep my hands away from her. Instead, I picked up my own jacket.

"I'll meet you outside."

OOOOO

Despite her agreement and my shocked elation, the first few minutes of our walk were awkward, to say the least. We walked city streets we once ran together, and I wondered if she remembered any of it, while I was bombarded by image after image of the few, short weeks.

Bella's usually graceful stride was stiff, her eyes trained straight ahead. The few words we exchanged were stuttered and stilted. Her gloved hands remained in fists at her sides. Nonetheless, the mental image of her thumbs brought a faint smile to my face, and without conscious planning, I found myself asking her about them.

"Have you been taking care of those fingers?"

The way her eyes rounded alerted me to the fact that once again, I'd startled her.

"Sometimes," she admitted with a sweetly rueful smile. "They're a bit worse than usual this morning."

"But…that means the writing is going particularly well, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Yes, it's going _particularly_ well lately." She offered me a side-long glance.

I ached to ask what was she writing, what worlds her mind had created over the past year, and what…or _who_ inspired her these days?

Nonetheless, she offered no further explanation, and I knew I had no right to ask. It was while I was lost in these thoughts that Bella crashed into me. Gently yet firmly, I took hold of her forearms, keeping her upright.

"Whoa," I breathed, while Bella expelled a warm gasp.

I'd been lost in thoughts of the past, surrounded by so many memories…and as I held her, I saw her as I did that day on the sidewalk, eyes and mouth so close, head angled upward, when I'd given in to her before giving her the truth, and I'd crushed my mouth to hers.

In the next moment, reality kicked into gear and chased away the quixotic memories. My brain worked out why she was now in my arms. Ensuring she was steady and with my nostrils flared, I turned to the asshole rushing by in a business suit. He was, as he'd been five seconds earlier, distracted by his cell phone, with no realization or acknowledgment of the fact that he'd literally plowed into Bella.

"Hey, Jackass?"

When the bastard turned, I spoke the rest through gritted teeth.

"Apologize to the lady, and next time, watch where the hell you're going. You almost knocked her down."

"Oh," the fucker stupidly exclaimed. "Oh, I'm sorry."

In my periphery, Bella dismissed the incident with a hasty wave. As the clumsy asshole rushed off, yet again, I met Bella's gaze.

She quirked an eyebrow.

"My fucking hero?"

I shut my eyes, fighting against every misplaced instinct that wanted to rush her myself, to take her in my arms once and for all and kiss that mouth because God…I loved everything about it…about her. But when I opened my eyes, I only chuckled.

"That was just a tad bit unnecessary," she grinned. "It's fucking New York City during the lunchtime rush… but thanks for the sentiment." She added the last part quietly, softening the well-deserved rebuke. I wasn't her hero.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

If anything, the scene with the rushed asshole served to once more ease the tension, so there was that to thank him for. Bella and I walked the rest of the way in more companionable silence, while the afternoon sun fell over her and illuminated her chocolate highlights.

"So, how far are we going, Edward?"

"Uhm…" – I stuttered at the realization that we were almost there, pointing at the building housing the CDC labs. "The end of the block right there. See the gray building? That's one of our labs. Sorry." I offered her a contrite smile. "I should've hailed a cab."

"For five blocks? I didn't mind the walk at all," she magnanimously pronounced.

"It's a bit cold."

"It's warming up."

"You almost got knocked over."

"Par for the course for a short woman in New York."

"Seriously, we can take a cab back if you have to get to work quickly."

"No. No, I'm not too busy today. I'd prefer the walk."

"Okay. Okay, good." I nodded and faced forward again. Yet, my heart and my mind both raced thought I attempted to clamp down on the inane, yet irrepressible hope created by the exchange. Bella appeared and sounded more than comfortable. If I didn't know any better, I would've believed her almost…happy.

Attempting to manage my overblown dreams, I lifted my eyes to the sky.

"Yeah, it has warmed up since this morning, though you can feel winter around the corner now," I said.

"I was thinking the same thing this morning."

We were at an intersection, and as we crossed, I pressed my palm to her lower back, guiding her…protecting her. She didn't protest. All the while, I commanded my mind to work logically, to stop seeing signs that weren't there; to cease reading nonexistent feelings in ease. Ease meant nothing beyond ease.

But my damn heart…

My damn heart had never allowed my mind to be in charge around Bella.

"Do you still run in the mornings, Bella?" I asked when we reached the curb, more to distract myself, to master unmastered hope, all the while hoping she couldn't hear my labored breaths.

"Usually. I'm into yoga a bit too, and we've got a treadmill in the living room at home. But I still try to get out for a run most mornings, even if it's just a short one. Unlike you though, I don't go out if it's raining."

Peripherally, I saw her turn her eyes to me and smile, though I didn't meet them; I couldn't. In those first few seconds after she spoke, if met her eyes, she would've easily spotted the abrupt agony twisting my insides. The initial pain was so acute, there was no way I could've kept it hidden from anyone. I felt it in the sting of my eyes, in the involuntary flare of my nostrils, in the stony lock of my jaw.

'…_we've got a treadmill in the living room at home…_

'…_we've got a treadmill…', _

'…_we've…_

And I had only myself to blame – myself and my fucking heart, of course.

It was therefore a few moments before I could speak.

"So, you have…a treadmill at home?"

"Mhm."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head and swallowed against the dryness in my throat.

"Edward?"

Reopening my eyes, I made myself meet hers. Her brows were furrowed, and I internally snorted at my masochistic yet never-ending desire to smooth out the line which appeared between them.

"I suppose that's convenient."

"What, the treadmill?" The line between her brows deepened, and I had to clench my hands to keep from reaching for her. "It is. Except…"

We arrived at the building, and all the while, I swore to myself I wouldn't ask, even if when she'd trailed off, it had seemed as if she was waiting for me to ask. No. I was done with my misplaced hopes. I'd give her the answers she craved so that she could move on…with him, and I'd be done.

Time moves forward not backward.

She was facing away from me so that the autumn sun highlighted her profile as I rested a hand on her forearm and stopped her, waited for her to meet my eyes before I asked.

"Except?" I prompted because I'd always…

I would _always _be anything she needed.

"Except it's not the same, watching the world through a window while on that treadmill. Sometimes, I'm not sure of what's real and what's not until I get outside. Sometimes, when the weather looks nasty through the window, I stay indoors. When…things feel nasty in my head, I stay indoors." She whispered the words, yet somehow, they were the loudest words ever spoken. "Then I regret it because…maybe it wasn't so bad out there, and I wasted the day."

How could she live with him, yet open herself up to me?

And how could I _not_ be there for her?

"Your love/hate relationship with windows," I smiled wistfully.

Bella drew in a quiet intake of breath.

"I can't believe you remember that," she said shakily. "I told you that the first time we met."

"Except, it wasn't the first time we met." I drew in a long breath of my own and released it in one, long gust. "But it _was_ the first time you told me that. I remember, Bella. I remember…quite a bit, and I'll share all of it with you now, if you'll let me. I know I should've done so much earlier."

She nodded, swallowing hard before shifting her gaze to a spot just above my shoulder and beyond.

"My thing with windows, it's my mind's way of separating me from things when I'm not ready, putting both a figurative and literal block between me and the world, or a park with babies I'll never have…or a person who hurt me."

"It's a metaphor."_ Your brilliant mind works in metaphors, my love._

Bella's deep brown eyes flashed back to me. "How do you _still_ know me so well?" she choked. "My therapist, Rose, always spoke to me in metaphors. At first, I thought it was just _her_ way until I realized she did it because it fit _me_. But how do _you_ know, Edward?"

I offered her a smile and a shrug. "I've always thought that the way your mind works is amazing."

_And I'll always love it, just as I'll always love you; I'll always extrapolate for you – even when it guides you away from me…and to someone else._

She snorted quietly and shook her head.

"Step outside, Bella."

"What?"

"When you don't know what's real and what's not real out there, when you're questioning it, step outside. If you don't want to go out, then _don't_ go out. But if you're questioning it…knowing is better than not knowing."

"But-"

"Is he your boyfriend? The guy from the restaurant?"

She nodded, and now I knew without a doubt.

"Then ask _him_, ask anyone who you care for…and who you _trust_, to step out with you. You don't always have to explore alone, but knowing is better than not knowing, and maybe had _I_ remembered that last year..." I snorted. "Anyway."

When I released her arm and backed away, for a second, I allowed myself to believe I read something akin to disappointment in her eyes; maybe even...longing.

But, of course, I hadn't. I knew that now. At the very start of this new journey with Bella, I'd promised myself that knowing her would be enough; that having once been a part of her life would be enough.

It _had_ to be enough.

"Come on." With a smile, I gestured toward the building, only daring the ghost of my touch to guide her. "We're here."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**Chapter Song Rec:**

_**Far Away**_** by Nickelback. (Oldie but perfect here).**

"**See" you soon.**


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts. **

**We're on the last few chapters now. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 19**

Emmett was pacing back and forth over the marble lobby floor of the building housing the CDC labs when Bella and I walked in. Spotting me instantly, he impatiently strode over.

"Where've you been, man? We spoke over an hour ago."

Despite the inquiry, a grin was spread across his face, reassuring me that, while whatever he wanted to share might've been time-sensitive, it wasn't necessarily catastrophic. It was a good thing because I welcomed what I suspected would be a few minutes of respite, a much-needed distraction – albeit temporary – from focusing on what I'd just learned.

"Shit, Em. Sorry. I lost track of time." Raking a hand through my hair, I chuckled weakly, my mind still reeling, still stupidly stuck on one fact:

_They lived together._

Any distraction would be negligible anyway when Bella was so close. She'd stopped just off to my right, a few feet back and remained there, I supposed to offer Emmett and me professional privacy.

Emmett checked his watch. "You sure as hell did."

Snorting, I jerked my jaw toward the manila folder he carried under his arm.

"Is that mine?"

"Yep. All ready and waiting." When I reached for the envelope, Emmett yanked it out of reach. "But first, tell me what part of '_I'll be there in a few to pick up the results myself,' _I misunderstood? Just curious."

"Just give me the folder," I said.

Yet, instead of handing me the folder, Emmett held it higher above his head, and much-needed distraction or not, the game was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Seriously? How old are you?"

"Tell me why you were late," he persisted.

"Just give me the damn-" I hissed. When my hand shot up and reached for the folder, Emmett switched it to his other hand. I sighed. "Emmett, have the results changed in the last fifteen minutes?"

Emmett snickered. "No."

"Did the strain mutate? Sprout wings? Grow legs or something similar?"

"You know it didn't," he chuckled. "It's just this isn't like you – at all. _You're_ usually the one rushing everyone, keeping yourself and everyone busy and focused, trying to save the world for everyone else while your life…"

Now, I squared my jaw, nostrils flaring and scowling at him in an attempt to wordlessly urge Emmett to shut the fuck up. When he trailed off, eyes narrowing then growing wide, I assumed my expression had done the trick. But when Bella stepped forward and stood at my side, I understood it wasn't anything I'd done.

With an apologetic smile, I turned to Bella.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This'll just take a moment."

"No problem." She waved away my apology before directing her attention toward Emmett.

If I'd ever thought Emmett slow – which I never had; just a pain in the ass at times – that incorrect assumption would've been blown out of the water the moment I said Bella's name. Recognition dawned instantly in his expression, even though her name hadn't been spoken aloud between us in about a year. His mouth fell open, and he appeared to at least temporarily lose the power of speech.

As for Bella, unaware of his stupor, she greeted him with open ease, leaning forward to read the tag on his lab coat.

"Hi, Dr. McCarty? I'm sorry. It's my fault it took Edward a bit to get here. As you can see, my legs are much shorter than his." She chuckled and playfully pointed to her legs. "Plus, I had a bit of a run-in with a Wall-Street-tycoon sort who was in a rush, so…again, I apologize for our lateness."

It took Emmett a handful of seconds, but he finally managed to pick his mouth up off the marble floor.

"I'm sorry, but did Edward just call you…Bella?"

"_Yes,"_ Bella replied, understandably puzzled.

Emmett's eyes flashed between Bella and me. He narrowed them, tilting his head to the side, studying Bella so intently his man-bun skewed sideways. When he opened his mouth yet again, I decided it was time to intervene.

"Bella, this is a colleague and friend of mine, Emmett McCarty. Emmett this is Bella – Bella Swan."

Clearing his throat, Emmett stuck out a hand to shake hers.

"Bella, it's wonderful to meet you."

"It's great to meet you too, Doctor McCarty," Bella replied with a chuckle.

"Please. Please…just Emmett." He sighed, still staring intently.

"_O_-kay," Bella agreed, offering him a befuddled smile. "Emmett, Edward has mentioned you a couple of times."

Emmett nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, he's mentioned you once or…twice." His mouth twitched wryly.

"Are you an epidemiologist as well?"

That snapped him out of his stupor.

"No. No, I'm a microbiologist. It's a job a thousand times more important than that of an epidemiologist. We're the ones who figure out what the hell are those little suckers that make people sick."

"Yeah," I snorted, "and we're the ones who figure out how to keep those suckers from spreading."

"The CDC in a nutshell?" Bella grinned.

Once again, Emmett appeared to lose his power of speech. This time, when he recovered, he broke out into loud fits of laughter, more like his usual self.

"Shit. Yeah. Exactly! The CDC in a nutshell!"

Bella turned to me with a questioning smile. I shrugged and rolled my eyes, making her chuckle. But when Emmett smiled at Bella, it was a smile as genuinely thrilled as I'd ever seen him offer.

"All right, then." Returning his attention to me, he slapped my shoulder with one hand and with the other slapped the folder against my chest. "I forgive you for making me wait down here for a bit. Here are your results. They're exactly as you suspected, but give me a call later and let me know what you're thinking. Wait! Actually, don't…do _not_ rush too much," he stressed.

"I thought you said you needed my input right away," I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Yeah, but like I said, it's basically what you and I already discussed, and besides, I'm in meetings for the rest of the afternoon. Either way, we won't be able to touch base until this evening anyhow, and nothing'll get decided until we're in Atlanta in a couple of days."

I quirked a brow because needed distraction or not, this was sounding like the entire venture with Bella was an unnecessary deviation.

Then again, had I not met with Bella today, I would've wanted to pour over these results immediately, whether they were exactly as we expected or not, even if nothing could be determined until the evening. Emmett knew me well enough to know that – which was why he'd texted me.

What's more, the deviation _had_ allowed me a walk with Bella…as well as a clearer picture of where we stood.

"All right. Thanks, Emmett," I said instead of berating him. "I'll take a look at these and give you a call this evening."

"Sounds like a plan." With a broad grin, Emmett once again shifted his focus to Bella. "Bella, it was truly…the highlight of my day meeting you."

"It was good to meet you too, Emmett," she smiled in return.

"I hope to see you again?"

For a moment, Bella's brow furrowed. She was puzzled. After all, once she got all her answers, her _closure_, why would she ever meet Emmett again? Her dark eyes flashed toward me before quickly returning to Emmett.

"Maybe. Who knows?"

Emmett's grin grew, as he took her assurance to mean more than a polite reply. And I decided he'd puzzled her enough.

"Are you ready?" I asked Bella.

"Whenever you are," she agreed.

We headed toward the exit, but before we reached the revolving doors, Emmett's booming voice rang out.

"Edward!"

I exhaled loudly and muttered. "First he tells me it's urgent; then he tells me it's not as urgent as he made it seem. What now?"

Meanwhile, Bella chuckled next to me. "You'd better go see what he wants."

"I'll be quick," I promised.

"It's fine. I'll wait outside."

As I watched her proceed without me through the revolving doors, an inexplicable fear rose up in me; that I'd emerge from the building, and she wouldn't be there. But in the next moment I reminded myself that one day soon, possibly even today, it wouldn't be merely an inexplicable fear but reality. After all, she had someone waiting for her at home…and I had to accept that.

With a deep breath, I crossed the lobby back to Emmett.

"What is it, Em?"

"Dude…" He fisted his man-bun. "Dude."

"Emmett, not now."

"Why didn't you tell me you were meeting with _her_?"

"I've got to go."

"Fine, fine. I definitely don't want to keep you, but I just wanted you to know that when I was fucking around with you earlier…_panita_, had I known you were meeting with _her_-"

"Don't worry about it, Emmett," I clapped his shoulder and offered him a smile, "but I really have to-"

"So, are you guys…you know, did you work things-"

"It's not like that," I said, shifting my weight restlessly from foot to foot and sighing. "It's not like that at all."

Emmett's brow furrowed. "But I don't…she seems…the way she looks at-"

I shook my head and walked away backward. "Em, I've got to go. She's waiting outside."

"Okay. Yeah, alright, sorry. Hey, we'll talk later!"

OOOOO

It turned out that my anxiousness, at least for the time being, was unmerited. Bella was waiting patiently outside. As I approached her, I drew in a long breath because there were no distractions left, which in turn left me both dreading and appreciating the few minutes remaining between us.

When I reached her, Bella offered me an amused chuckle. "Emmett seems fun. I bet he keeps the CDC on its toes."

I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea. He's a clown. But he's also one of the smartest people you'll ever meet."

For a few seconds, she silently held my gaze. "Strange, but I once thought I'd already met one of the smartest _clowns_ I'd ever meet." She offered me a teasing smile.

I snorted. "Seems like a long time ago, doesn't it?"

In the absence of words, I was acutely aware of the sound of our breathing.

"Bella, I'm…sorry." I fisted my hair. "It appears this may have been a waste of time."

"_I_ don't think so," she magnanimously contradicted as she checked her watch. "Besides, we still have some time."

By 'some time,' she meant about fifteen minutes; at least, on her end. While I'd give her all the time in the world, we'd met at the coffee shop about forty-five minutes earlier. Her lunch break couldn't last much longer.

"We do," I agreed with a nod. "The sandwiches next door are pretty good. We could pick up a couple and…finish our talk."

"Sounds like a plan."

Inside the sandwich shop, we ordered, took our receipts, and were told to wait to the side along with a large, lunchtime crowd.

"I'm so sorry," I chuckled mirthlessly. "It seems everything I suggest today is a waste of time."

Bella gazed beyond the storefront window. "I wouldn't say that. Is that a vintage record shop across the street?"

I followed her trajectory. "Yeah. Yeah, it is. I've been in there. They've got a decent selection."

"I've been looking for a record for someone, but I haven't had any luck." She looked up at me. "If you wouldn't mind grabbing my sandwich when it's ready, I'd like to go check it out."

It didn't take a genius to figure out who the 'someone' might be.

"Of course, I don't mind."

Through the storefront window, as I watched Bella sprint across the street, I wondered if this nameless, live-in guy knew how fucking lucky he was. In my mind's eye, I recalled the scene in the restaurant a few weeks back…her hand ensconced inside his hand…the gentle squeezes I furtively caught in my periphery…the thumb he continuously stroked over her knuckles.

Yeah. Yeah, he knew his luck.

Five minutes later, when the sandwiches were ready, I picked them up and sprinted across the street.

Bella was up by the register, handing over her card in exchange for an old LP album. At the sound of the bell over the door, she turned around, while the kid at the register carefully slid the album into a bag. The beautiful grin that spread across her face, the way her dark eyes sparkled made my heart both soar and crash all at once. Because how could she smile like that at me while she bought a record for _him_?

"Edward, look!" She held up her package. "I told you it wasn't a waste of time!"

OOOOO

"He's going to be so happy."

Bella practically floated over the concrete as we walked and ate our sandwiches, her brand new purchase safely tucked into her bag. "I can't wait to give it to him at Thanksgiving."

I nodded without comment. So, it was to be a Thanksgiving gift – a surprise reserved for a day shared with those you loved…with those you treasured the most. Yet, her voice was infused with so much eager anticipation that despite who the album was for, I found myself smiling at the contagious thrill vibrating off of her.

"What exactly is this amazing find you found in there?" I jerked my chin toward her bag.

Grinning up at me, she handed me her sandwich to hold as she pulled the album out of her bag. As soon as I caught sight of the record's title, I grimaced to myself. Jesus, I couldn't even fault the guy's taste in music. I pictured them singing together, while they played the album on their old, vintage record player, in their cozy apartment, wrapped around one another on their comfy couch or while exercising on their treadmill. And as much as the conjured image brought bile up to my throat, I found myself instinctively reciting the words to that damnable song I happened to know well.

"Girl, I'll house you. Girl, I'll house you. Girl, I'll house you, you in my hut now. My hut."

Bella stopped walking and gazed up at me in astonishment.

"When you're in my hut," I continued, smiling wryly at her, "you know what's up. Let your mind be free-"

When Bella happened to join in, we both chuckled through the rest of the words. "Relax your body. Jump, jump, a little higher. Jump, jump until you get tired. House your body. House your body!"

We broke out into mutual bouts of laughter.

"Oh my God," Bella said when she could finally stop laughing enough to speak. "I can't believe you know that."

I smirked at her. "I can't believe _you_ know that."

"Well, my dad was an eighties hip hop lover," she grinned. "When I was little, I used to wake up on weekends to Run DMC, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Salt-n-Pepa, LL Cool J, etc., and all blasted from his old record player from when he was a teenager. This beauty here," she said, holding up the record album, "was a particular favorite. Unfortunately, one morning, it developed a scratch. My dad literally cried." I chuckled quietly, while she smiled wistfully. "He searched every vintage record shop he could find in Seattle for another copy, but Eighties hip hop isn't exactly in high demand in Seattle."

"That would be _grunge_," I said.

"Exactly," she grinned, looking pleased that I knew that. "So, even though he's made do with cassette copies, CDs, and more recently, downloaded versions of the song," she smirked, "he's always missed his record album."

"Wait a minute. You mean…that record is for your dad?"

"Yeah," she replied breezily, shrugging a shoulder. "All right, all right. I'll be honest. _I_ accidentally scratched the-"

"For your dad," I repeated in a whisper, mostly to myself. "For Thanksgiving."

"Yeah," Bella grinned. "And I can't wait to give it to him. He's going to be so surprised!"

For her…dad.

The album was for her dad, not for the guy from the restaurant. I'd made an incorrect assumption, and for a moment, as we stood together on that street, relief flooded me all the way down to the soles of my feet, until I recalled that the relief I felt was meaningless. Whether the album was for her dad or for the guy from the restaurant made no difference. It didn't change a thing.

Except…it did make a difference, at least in my convoluted way of thinking, that _her_ thoughts weren't constantly on _him_ while she walked with _me_.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry." I offered her an apologetic smile for having been lost in my ridiculous musings. "What did you say?"

"I asked how _you_ know that song."

I drew in a deep breath and grinned at the memory. "It's a similar story to yours, though not quite. For me, it was my eighties hip hop loving uncle, my mom's older brother, who used to blast hip hop, though I think he used cassettes. Therefore," I smiled sheepishly, "my cousin Jamie and me grew up rapping. At some point, during our high school years, we convinced ourselves we were good at it."

"Oh, no," Bella chortled, making me chuckle as I continued.

"Yeah. We even formed our own rap duo; we called it – ready for this?" I asked, grinning down at her.

She covered her face with her hands and peeked up at me through a slit between her fingers.

"I honestly don't know that I am."

"The Concrete Jungle Cousins."

Bella burst out laughing.

"Yeah. My dad was…terrified."

All the while, Bella laughed and laughed, and I decided that as long as I could make her laugh like that, life was as good as it could get.

"Needless to say, he didn't have much to fear." I gave her a sidelong smirk. "Two white boys from an Upper East Side Private School don't make for the edgiest hip hop sound or lyrics, and our duo disbanded pretty quickly."

She held her stomach, convulsing and gasping for breath. "I can't breathe, Edward. You're killing me."

I chuckled, lightly touching her shoulder with the pads of my fingertips. "Are you okay?"

When she finally straightened and looked up, she wiped tears off her eyes, which were still sparkling with amusement.

"So you and your cousin Jamie decided to put your rap careers on hold?"

"Yep," I said. "Jamie is now a partner in my mom's design company, and I-"

"You save the world," she finished much more quietly, a soft smile now curling around her lips. "Edward Cullen, CDC epidemiologist by day…hip hop rapper by night." An errant though gentle chuckle escaped her. "Who would've ever thought it?"

"It was an _early_ dream," I smiled, quirking an eyebrow.

She chuckled again. "You're an enigma, Edward," she said, holding my gaze. "Just when I think I've got you figured out…there's another layer."

For a few moments, we remained locked in one another's gaze, until a loud chime made us both blink and look toward the sound.

"It's kind of late in the season for one of those," I mused.

We were both quiet, watching the vendor push his small cart while ringing his bell. Then, I realized that as we'd been walking and talking, we'd ended up by the waterfront, a place where Bella and I once shared many of our runs, our talks…

We were at the seaport now, and we wordlessly climbed the bleachers in front of the water and in between the majestic bridges connecting Manhattan and Brooklyn. With the typical lunchtime hour almost at an end, and with the tourists usually opting for spots closer to the bridges, there weren't many other people around.

"_Peer-ahh-goo-ahhs_," Bella pronounced in a careful whisper, still watching the man and his icies cart.

I smiled at her. "You remember the correct pronunciation."

"I suppose I do," she smiled wistfully in return. "I remember lots of things too, Edward. I remember last summer…you promised to buy me a cherry piragua this past summer because by the time we discovered them, it was too late in the season, and the vendor said he wouldn't be out any more."

And there went my heart soaring and crashing once again.

"It seems the Piragua vendors are out late this season." I swallowed hard. "Would you like one now?"

She stared at the vendor, still ringing his bell, moving further and further away from us. Then she shook her head and took a seat mid-bleachers.

"No. No, thanks. I'm full from the sandwich. Maybe next time," she agreed politely.

I took a seat beside her, leaving a few inches of space between us. Nevertheless, I could almost feel the shivers coursing through her caused by the riverfront's breeze, which carried the scent of fish in the light droplets that touched us. And the truth was…the air had shifted around us, a new sort of apprehensive tension cooling it as much as the water's mist. Without a second thought, I removed my jacket and carefully set it around her shoulders.

"Edward-"

"You're shivering," I murmured. "In theory, the spot was a good idea, private enough for a talk without…" I trailed off, not wanting her to think I'd planned this almost absolute seclusion, nor that there was anything beyond thoughts for her comfort in my wrapping my jacket around her. Hesitantly at first, she pulled the lapels around her.

"How about you?" she asked. "Won't you be cold?"

I snorted. "Trust me- I mean, I'm fine."

"Thank you," she breathed, wrapping herself tighter around the jacket. "This does feel much better."

"We can go somewhere indoors if you'd-"

"No. No, I'm good now."

"Good."

I raked a hand through my hair then faced forward, watching the afternoon sun spread its rays over dark river. Now that we were _here_, both physically and figuratively, it was hard knowing exactly where to start.

"So…you and Emmett seem like good friends in addition to colleagues."

I chuckled quietly. "Yeah. Yeah, we are. We went to med school together. We've been friends and colleagues for a while. Em's been there through…a couple of hard times. He's a good guy."

"He appears it," Bella agreed. "Does he travel a lot as well?"

"A lot of our mutual work is dependent on that of the other's."

"Though he'll say his work is more important," she teased.

"Yes, he will," I smirked.

She chuckled. "When he said…when he said you'd mentioned me once or twice…"

Of course, she'd caught that. And so here we were, and I'd promised her the truth in its entirety. Turning slowly, I met her gaze, watching the sun reflect off of her dark eyes.

"I told him about you, yes."

"How much did you tell him?"

"Enough for him to tell me I behaved like a total asshole and risked you…and _lost_ you due to my own actions."

"Edward-"

"The truth is he's the closest friend I have – closer than family – but I didn't tell him _everything_, Bella. There are things I'd only ever share with you, and I _should've_ shared them earlier."

She looked away from me, dropped her gaze to the space between us.

"Then, share them, Edward."

I swallowed, drew in a deep breath. _Where_ would I start? When she cut in, I still wasn't sure where; the entire story was so convoluted, so…messed up. But Bella's words let me know that at least, one of us was prepared with some sort of starting point.

"Bella, I-"

"I remember you told me once, before I knew who your family was, that you weren't close to them."

"It was true."

"I'm close to my dad."

"I know," I murmured softly. "I remember you talking about him fondly. I sensed the respect you had for him. It's…harder for me to respect my father, even though he's a well-known and highly-respected surgeon."

"I do recall your…." She swallowed and grimaced as if having to utter the next few words physically pained her, "your sister mentioning that about him."

So, there it was; the open acknowledgement of who Alice was to me. No longer beating around the bush, and of course, she'd be the brave one to face it head-on first. Therefore, I tried to meet her bravery with my own and offer her something…a piece of my truth I'd never offered anyone, not even myself.

"I think initially, that's why I took a job that had me travel so much."

"To get away from your dad?" she carefully asked, almost as if she knew this was a new acknowledgment for me.

I gave it some thought before replying. "It was a bit more than that. The whole environment…him and my mother and my…sister."

"You don't speak much of your mom – and neither do I."

"I've noticed that too," I breathed.

"My mom hasn't been much involved in my life."

"Well, I can't say that about my mother. She's always been there. It's just…"

I exhaled, trying to figure things out in my head even as I shared them with Bella. Or maybe I was just delaying the inevitable; attempting to create another diversion like the one I welcomed earlier, but Jesus, as much as it would kill me to let go, it was time.

It was time.

"That day…" I breathed.

"That day…" she murmured shakily, as if this was what she'd been waiting for all along. Which of course, it was, and I was still being an asshole by delaying it. No more, Bella. No more.

Drawing in a breath, I forced myself to meet her gaze.

"That day, I was visiting Alice out of…an old sense of guilt."

She held my gaze silently for a few moments.

"Why did you feel guilty, Edward?"

"She and I…even before that day, we weren't close to begin with. She's seven years my junior."

Breaking our connection, I looked away and pinned my gaze to the Brooklyn Bridge beyond her shoulder. However, what I saw was a much different brick and mortar building, one I lived in as a child, and I saw myself swiftly running up the stairs on a day…a quarter of a century in the past.

"So…the age difference," Bella whispered, "it's why you weren't close?"

Again, I shook my head. "It was a bit more complicated than that. I tried not to, I mean I tried to…" Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced myself to meet her eyes again, to give her the truth with no weakness, no hesitation.

"Bella, one of my earliest memories is back from when I was seven-years-old. We lived uptown then, my mom, my dad and me. Mom was just getting her fashion company off the ground, so though she ran around a lot, she was usually home to get me off the school bus. When she knew she wasn't going to be home, she'd ask our neighbor, a woman named Elizabeth, to get me off the bus. Then, I'd wait with _Aunt Lizzy_, as I called her back then," I sneered, "until my mom came home."

Bella and Emmett had a habit of naming me the smart one, the quick one, yet these two…man, they caught on quickly. Bella's chest already heaved from her sped-up breaths, her eyes round and wary, and anticipating the trajectory of this little story. Yet, now that I'd started, it was strangely easy to continue.

"Anyway, that day when I got off the school bus, I was surprised because no one was waiting for me by the curb. Which was fine. I knew how to get to our apartment."

_In my mind's eye, I saw that staircase again, I heard myself childishly counting the steps up, taking two at a time and even daring three at a time as I pretended I was scaling Everest. I saw myself jump on the landing when I reached the top and throw a triumphant fist in the air at having successfully summited the snow-covered mountain…_

"But…when I reached upstairs, I was further surprised by the sound of my mom's voice."

_The mountain disappeared…leaving behind a dimly-lit corridor…_

"Why did her voice surprise you?"

"Because it didn't sound like her. She sounded upset…or in pain."

_The sounds of what I knew now wasn't __**pain**__ filled my ears…_

"Stupid, seven-year-old me couldn't tell the difference."

"Don't call yourself that," Bella practically snapped, but I was too into my story to pay her tone much mind.

"So, I pushed further into the apartment, honestly fucking scared by that point." I chuckled at my own seven-year-old stupidity. "But when I spotted my dad hovering over the couch…Bella, I felt so relieved." I grinned as the relief from that day flooded me now. "The fear immediately vanished because it was my _dad_. Like I said, my dad's a surgeon – a fucking good one," I admitted, "whose time has always been in high demand. So, even though, in the back of my head, I was also surprised to find him home early, I knew everything was going to be just fine. Whatever was wrong with Mom, Dad would fix. The thing is…"

_I see him…I see him moving over her…I feel myself wondering why…shuffling closer in my padded sneakers…slowly…silently – yet not silently enough. I see my dad stop moving and hastily look up…_

"…the thing is, the asshole was surprised to see me too."

Bella gasped, and I snorted.

"What does that mean, Edward?" she asked, her voice quivering because she knew. She knew, but she couldn't wrap her head around it. "And what does any of it have to do with that day or with…with us?"

With us.

_Us._

The short word broke me out of my dark musings. And for a couple of seconds, I stared at her coldly. Why would she use that word? There was no _Us_. There was Bella, and there was Edward, yet I'd just opened up to her about…a really bad day.

I dropped my head, knit my hands together over it.

"Fuck."

"Edward?"

My throat was too dry to answer her. _Why_ had I just burdened her with this? I'd never…never told this story in its entirety to anyone. _Why_ had I just told her?

"Edward...what did you see?"

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, tried to regulate my breathing.

"Oh, Edward," Bella choked. I felt her hand wrap around one of mine, her fingers slip in between my fingers as she pulled our joined hands onto her lap.

"Edward, I'm here with you." Her words were firm and strong. "Tell me what you saw. Tell me. If there's anyone who can understand-"

My eyes shot up to hers. "_Why_ do you think it's so hard for me to speak of this with you?"

"Don't do that," she said through her teeth. "Look…I know when we met at the coffee shop the other day, I said…I said I wasn't a china doll back then, and you should've told me the truth. And while yes, you should've told me the truth…maybe what I said wasn't _exactly_ the truth either. Maybe I was more sensitive back then than I realized, but please don't treat me like that now."

For a few moments, I took her in through startled eyes, more full of respect and awe for her than ever – if that was possible. Despite what this story had to be doing to her, she was willing to hear the rest of it. And Jesus, she was right; Bella was stronger than I'd ever given her credit for being.

"It wasn't my mother, as I'm sure you've guessed."

"Edward, you sweet, little boy."

I snorted. "He scrambled to get up, to straighten his clothes, hissing furiously at _Aunt Lizzy_ to do the same as if he could somehow salvage the situation. I mean, I wasn't that stupid."

"Edward, you were seven. You weren't stupid at all. You should've never been in that situation."

"And _you_ should've?" I countered.

"It was different. I was much older, and I should've seen the signs."

"Bella, don't you dare."

"This isn't about me."

"It's _completely_ about you," I stressed. "It's why that damn day…"

Again, I shut my eyes, turned away from her. When her hand cradled my cheek, I sighed in complete surrender, warmed by her touch, by her comfort, by her…

I pulled our hands away from my face and returned her hand to her lap, hating myself in the next moment when I saw her misinterpret my actions.

"S…Sorry. I just…"

"No, Bella, please don't apologize," I begged remorsefully. "_Never_ apologize to me. You felt sympathy, and you wanted to offer comfort. And I get it, and I appreciate it," I said, offering her what I knew was a weak smile. "But I think we both know your sympathy is never what I wanted, and it's better if we don't go down that road."

She swallowed hard and remained quiet for a few seconds, then nodded decisively.

"Okay. So how does this tie in with us…and all that happened decades later in a lobby?"

"How does it tie in?" I echoed. "To make a long, complicated part of the story short, my dad couldn't apologize enough to me or ask Elizabeth to leave fast enough. He confessed it all to my mother when she got home; I'll give him that." I shrugged. "Though, to this day, he swears it was the first and last time. I'm still not sure I believe that, nor do I really know that it makes much difference."

"One time or a hundred times, it doesn't erase what you saw."

"No, it doesn't. Nonetheless, my mom forgave him."

My mom. I loved her, but…

"You don't think she should've," Bella correctly deduced once again.

"Maybe if _I_ hadn't seen it," I seethed with all the pent-up fury of the past couple of decades, "maybe then I could understand her forgiveness."

"And maybe if _she'd_ seen it…then she wouldn't have forgiven him. But then again, he claimed it was the only time, and he actually asked for forgiveness."

She went quiet, pensive, and I recalled a moment from That Day, the more recent one:

_Was this all a mistake, Jasper, caused by the stress we've been under?_

"Would you have taken…Jasper back under those conditions?"

She looked up, startled as if I'd read her mind. Nonetheless, it was a question she apparently wasn't prepared to answer.

"Let's proceed in order here; we're still nowhere near that lobby."

"Fair enough," I nodded. I'd made her wait a year for her answers. I had no right to demand answers to my own right here and now – if ever.

"Either way," I sighed, "first time or hundredth time, he was either really lucky or really unlucky, depending on how you see it."

I held her gaze, and again, it only took her a couple of moments.

"Elizabeth got pregnant."

I nodded and offered her an admittedly wry grin. "And he got a bouncing baby girl, and I got a little sister."

"Oh my God," she murmured, shutting her eyes. "Your poor mom…"

"You can't blame the kid though, can you?"

"I tried to hate him," she whispered, reopening her eyes.

Her words shook me to my core, made my blood run cold because I knew, instinctively, who she referred to. Nonetheless, I had to ask.

"What?"

She swallowed, her eyes full of guilt and shame.

"Your…your nephew. They call him JJ, right?"

I nodded stiffly, in a daze because the man she lived with, her boyfriend…was no obstacle compared to what it would mean if she hated JJ.

"When I heard he'd been born," she continued shakily, "I _tried_ to hate him. I _wanted_ to hate him, to blame everything on him. Had she not gotten pregnant with him…had _I_ gotten pregnant with him...? _Why_ did he go to her and not to me? Irrational thoughts," she snorted, "as if the child had any choice. As if he asked for any of it. When every time I pictured him, I saw a small, innocent baby. When all I'd ever dreamed of for the past three years by then…was a baby of my own."

My eyes stung at her confession, equal parts love for her and shame toward myself for even momentarily entertaining the idea that she'd be capable of blaming a child for anything when I knew her…and I knew how much she'd always wanted one.

And somehow I knew that just as I'd shared something with her that I'd never completely shared with anyone…Bella had just shared thoughts with me she'd never shared either.

Silent tears streaked her face, and I was helpless against comforting her in any way I could.

"Bella…God, if I could…" If I could give you a baby, whether biological or adopted…if we could someday build a family…

It was as these thoughts filled my head that I reached out to wipe her tears…and Bella pulled away.

Because I had no right to wish these things. I had _no_ rights when it came to her.

My hand fell away.

"What was it that you just said?" she asked. "I don't want your sympathy either, Edward."

"Sympathy was never…_never_ what I felt for you," I hissed. "Not even in that lobby. Not even when-"

"Please," she said in a strangled whisper, "let's continue in order."

I cleared my throat. "I suppose my mom must've seen things similarly. Though Alice grew up with Elizabeth, from her infancy, my father…_our_ father took responsibility for her. And I suppose I'll give him that as well," I added begrudgingly. "We moved, obviously, but Alice spent weekends with us, holidays and longer periods as she grew older and, since Carlisle's career responsibilities increased, my mom took increasing care of Alice."

"What was your relationship with her like as children?" Bella wondered.

I scrubbed my jaw hard with my palm. "And _that_ is where the guilt comes in."

"You never forgave her," she said simply, no judgment in her tone even though she wasn't capable of blaming a child.

"Bella, I don't know. I tried. I did try not to blame her for any of it, but…she was always so difficult to get along with."

"Difficult how?"

I forced myself to look at her despite the discomfort of my admission. "She was spoiled, Bella. Her mother, obviously not the best role model to begin with, filled her head with all manner of...shit," I spat. My father's guilt meant he rarely said 'no' to her. My mother and even I tried, but..."

"Seven years her senior or not, Edward," she said firmly, "it wasn't your job to raise your younger sister."

"I know, but she was my _sister_. And I did try to be there for her, but once Alice reached a certain age, she grew increasingly resentful and disrespectful. By that time, I was off in college. Whenever I did see her afterward, we'd grown further apart. Either way, I tried to tell my dad to stop fucking spoiling her, but he never listened."

"It was a bad situation all around, but Edward…this doesn't make me forgive her," she said pointedly. "Not at all."

"Do you think that's what I'm trying to do?" I asked in disbelief. "Do you think I'm telling you this so that you can _forgive_ her? Jesus."

I jumped up from those bleachers and took the rest two at a time, sprinting toward the water, and consumed with so much…fury.

Not at Bella, no, but at my own inability to make her understand.

"Edward, stop," she called out behind me, and as fast as I'd rushed down, I rushed back up to her, stopping in front of her and crouching down to her eye level.

"You want to go in order, I know, but do you know one of the things that made me respect you from the first moment?"

"Respect me in that moment?" she snorted sardonically. "What, Edward?"

"Your righteous fury," I returned through clenched teeth. "You earned that fury, and they deserved your goddamn wrath," I spat. "I watched that scene play out-"

"And you saw your mother-" she smirked.

"No," I said, my mouth barely moving now. "No. I saw a strong, brave woman, and God, I would've kept you safe had I been able."

"But it wasn't your job to keep me safe," she threw back at me, "not in that lobby, and not a year later."

And there was the crux of it. Groaning up at the sky, I turned around and fisted my hair. And for a long while, I just…stood there. Finally, I scrubbed a hand down my face.

"I know," I breathed emptily, spent. "I know it wasn't my job. Not then…and obviously not now."

Dropping my head, I shook it from side to side. When her voice, soft and soothing, and so…so close spoke from right in front of me, it startled me. Because I hadn't expected her to take the steps toward me. I looked into her dark, fathomless eyes, so…so close.

"Edward, why are you putting yourself through this?"

My head shot up, and I frowned in confusion.

"You have so much on your plate," she said, shaking her head. "Do you think I don't realize how urgent and important what you're doing at work right now is? _I_ need answers to move forward. _I_ need to clean up my database. What do _you_ get from this?"

Again, I dropped my head. "I suppose I have no one to blame but myself when you wonder at my intentions."

"Help me understand you the way you understand me," she whispered.

And…as much as it tore at my heart, as bewildered as I still was about everything, I'd promised myself knowing her once would be enough…and I'd promised her closure.

I held her gaze. "I get to give you closure, even if that means you erase me from your database once and for all so that you can move on with-"

"Shit," Bella spat, and my eyes rounded in shock until I saw her scale the bleachers once more to where her bag rested.

"Shit," she repeated as she pulled out her vibrating cell phone.

"Damn it," I muttered while I watched her scan through her texts and move her fingers quickly over the keyboard.

"Everything okay?" I asked, climbing the bleachers to meet her.

"Yeah," she said distractedly, still typing. "Just missed a few texts from people wondering where the hell I've been all afternoon."

"Mm," I replied. And again, I couldn't even blame him. It was…late. At some point, the sun had changed position, dropped lower, its rays darkened to an orange glow. Hours had passed, and I'd be worried about her too if she'd disappeared all afternoon.

"Sorry. I guess I've lost track of time all day today."

"It's not your fault." She sighed and set down her phone, smiling up at me. "I lost track too."

I swallowed. "I suppose you have to go?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "I do."

"Yeah, so do I. Em and I may have discussed these results, but there are a couple of other people whose input I should probably seek."

She nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

I nodded. Yet, neither one of us moved.

With a deep breath, Bella carefully peeled off my jacket and handed it to me.

"Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure."

She picked up her bag, then looked up at me again. "Uhm…there's still more-"

"There is," I agreed. "I know." Despite all the time we'd spent together this afternoon, there was still so much more. And once again, my heart soared…and crashed.

"Can we meet again in a couple of days?" she asked.

"No," I replied apologetically. "No, unfortunately, I have to be in Atlanta in a couple of days."

"Oh, that's right." She frowned.

"But…we can meet next week if you'd like?"

She smiled, a smile so pure and genuine and bordering on…happy, and once again, how could she smile like that at me, yet return to him?

"I would like that."

Nonetheless, if a few hours here and there to provide her with closure was all I could give her, I wouldn't deny it to her.

"Okay," I smiled in return. "I'll call you as soon as I return."

"Okay."

We gazed quietly at one another, once again, neither one of us moving. When I reached for her and pulled her into my arms, brushing my mouth against the top of her head, Bella slid her arms around my waist and held on just as tightly. We were like soldiers who'd been through a similar war; comrades. At least, that was what I was to her now.

She would always be so much more.

"It was never sympathy, Bella," I murmured thickly against the top of her head, "never _sympathy_ I wanted between us."

A soft sound escaped her. In the next moment, Bella pulled away and quickly walked off the bleachers. I watched her until she disappeared in the distance…

She didn't look back.

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon!**


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**We're almost done. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 20**

"I propose a toast." Emmett held up his Sam Adams, taking me in through somewhat unfocused eyes, grinning my way wickedly, and instantly setting me on alert.

After a few long, exhausting yet productive days at Atlanta's CDC Headquarters, I'd taken our team out for drinks. I was aware I'd pushed them hard over the past few weeks, but they'd more than met all obstacles head-on. They'd blown through them, while still ensuring the final product abided by all CDC health and safety requirements. Now that we were over the biggest hurdles in production of the anti-viral, we could draw in a few, in-between breaths before distribution and administration became top priorities. Therefore, this extended happy hour at the hotel bar was like coming up for air, mid-marathon.

For the next couple of hours, the rounds of drinks, the bar food, the conversation, and the laughter flowed freely. And the freer the rounds flowed, the more unreserved the teasing became.

"To Edward," Emmett continued, while I rolled my eyes and groaned because I knew this couldn't be good, "for surviving yet another likely award-winning TV interview this afternoon with the always professional, Selena Rappaport, TV journalist extraordinaire, and her _stimulating_ piece of investigative journalism."

Both quiet and not-so-quiet snickers popped up around the table.

"To Edward!"

"To Edward!" They all toasted.

"Yeah, Selena investigated, all right." Bonnie snorted. "She investigated the quickest excuse to feel Edward up on TV. _I_ say we toast Selena. To Selena!"

"To Selena!"

Now, the entire group broke out into loud laughter.

"Nice," I smirked, "and she didn't feel me up. She swatted me…jokingly."

"Is that what it is called here in the U.S.?" Maria asked with obvious sarcasm. "Swatting? Because where I am from, we call it _juegos previos_."

"Foreplay! Hah! A toast to _juegos previos!_ Salud!" Emmett's translation and toast caused the table to descend into the most boisterous round of laughter yet, while fellow customers, bartenders, and wait staff all glanced curiously our way, some toasting along with us.

"Look at it this way, Edward," Collin said once the laughter waned. "At least the interview was recorded; so, they may actually be able to edit out the more…how shall we say...entertaining moments before it airs tomorrow morning."

"You're all so darn funny," I said dryly. "And by the way, Em, if I'm not mistaken, we'd agreed you'd do the interview this time around. Where the hell were you when the time came?"

"_Panita_, I'm sorry," Emmett chuckled heartily, sounding anything but contrite, "but there was no way in hell I was going to miss watching you turn beet red while you got drooled over once again on national television." Again, he held up his bottle. "One more time! To Edward!"

"To Edward!"

The group toasted and laughed yet again.

Despite the mock scowls, sneers, and glares I sent their way, I was glad for their current levity – both for their sake and mine. It's not bullshit when people claim laughter is the best form of medicine. The group and I had been going at it hard for a while now, and…for the past couple of weeks, I'd been struggling with my own personal demons. They tended to keep me up, tossing and turning until the early hours of the morning.

No, laughter wasn't a cure-all, but a respite for my group from the last few stressful weeks…and a respite for myself from my own muddled thoughts couldn't hurt.

When the ribbing and snickering subsided, I picked up my beer bottle, pushed back my high stool, and stood, while I could still stand without embarrassingly swaying.

"Attention, everyone. It's my turn to propose a toast."

"Oh, shit," Emmett grinned, "payback time."

"Yeah, you all deserve some serious payback," I smirked in return, "so here we go." I held up my bottle. "To all of you jokesters…for the dedication you've shown these past few weeks. I've always been extremely proud, some might even say paternally so," I grinned, making them laugh again, "of the work we do and our successes, but this latest case…" - I inhaled deeply and exhaled through narrowed lips - "well, I don't need to stress to you guys how epically disastrous this could've turned out."

"Like Dum…dum…dum disastrous." Collin mimicked the death knell in a deep, Grim Reaper-style voice, making everyone chuckle.

"Exactly," I smirked before sobering a bit. "Unfortunately, we can't help those who've already gotten sick or who will get sick before the booster is finally in distribution, nor those few with weakened immune systems who got hit hard and lost their lives to the virus. As we're taught at the CDC…we can only help those we can help. Someone told me recently, 'Time moves forward…" I swallowed back the urge to think of _her_, focused my thoughts on the here and now, and cleared my throat, '"not backward.' Anyway, this afternoon, the Director granted me the privilege of informing all of you that our group will be presented with a humanitarian award at this winter's World Health Organization's general assembly in Switzerland-"

"No way!"

"-in acknowledgment," I continued, "of the group's work in averting what could've potentially turned into a global health crisis."

For a few moments, no one at our bar table spoke, until one by one, each member of the group began a slow, hesitant round of applause, which quickly escalated into thunderous clapping and ear-splitting whistles.

"Holy crap," Emmett said, once the applause died down, "a humanitarian award at the WHO's general assembly. In our world, that's the equivalent to an award at the Oscars."

I chuckled. "More or less, yeah."

"Wow," Collin breathed. "Hey, do you think it'll help me get lucky in the future? Like if I meet a girl and tell her I'm a recipient of the WHO's Humanitarian Award, is it like telling her I won Best Director or something?"

"Only if she's a nerd like you," Bonnie snickered.

We all sniggered.

"Yes, I don't know how much the award will help you get laid, Collin," Maria smirked.

"Well, at least it'll look good on my resume."

"Which you'll need to update after the CDC fires you for inappropriate use of a humanitarian award," I said pointedly.

We roared so heartily the wait staff and bartenders all looked our way, chuckling.

"Uh, oh; there go the CDC scientists, getting all rowdy again," Emmett quipped.

"All right, all right," I chuckled. "Congratulations, everyone. Well deserved."

We all took long chugs from our respective bottles, and as soon as I took my seat, Maria stood.

"I would like to propose one final toast, to Edward."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "Not again."

"Yes." Maria smiled. "One more toast to you, Doctor Cullen, and I will keep it short – for now, because just as you were given the privilege of letting us know about our group acknowledgment at the WHO assembly…_I_ was honored with being asked to present you with a separate, additional acknowledgment of your own."

While everyone cheered, laughed, and clapped me on the back, I shook my head and raked a hand through my hair.

"This is so unnecessary," I said sheepishly.

"It is not," Maria continued. "And since I know you well enough by now…." Trailing off, for one long and awkward moment, she silently held my gaze, "since I know you well enough to know you do not appreciate nor feel comfortable with too much praise, I will save the effusions for the assembly. For now, I will only say that…I thank you for being the best damn team leader with whom I have ever worked. I'm grateful for…for having known you in that respect."

There was a pause, during which the words, _'if nothing else,_' were way too loudly unspoken – in my head, at least.

"To Edward!" Bonnie thankfully yelled.

"To Edward!" Everyone replied, raising their bottles.

Emmett quickly called for another round.

OOOOO

After that, everyone in the group slowly trickled out and back to their respective hotel rooms, until only Emmett and I remained. It was past one in the morning, and we were at the bottom of the next – and what I swore were the last – beers, when Emmett cleared his throat, and I instinctively knew I'd remained for one beer too many.

Or maybe I'd purposely done so.

"So, there was a whole lot of double-entendre in that little speech Maria made for you, huh?" He chuckled and took a drink from his almost-empty bottle.

"She was a bit drunk, as most of us were…are, and I didn't notice." I took a drink from my bottle.

Emmett snorted. "So which is it? Was she drunk or did you not notice? Because you sure stared at one another long and hard, and I know it can't be because you regret her now that she's engaged. You've had opportunity after opportunity with her over the past couple of years, yet you wasted them all."

I said nothing.

"Or…_are you_ regretting? Because if you are, you know how those WHO after-parties get; they think they're Grammy after-parties," he chortled. "And Maria won't be married yet, and I'm sure she knows presenting that award to you carries a little bit of-"

"No," I cut him off. "No. I don't mean anything personal against Maria," I added. "She's smart. She's hot. Maybe in another lifetime…under a different set of circumstances…"

"Like if the sky was pink, and we lived on Mars, and unicorns ruled the land?" Emmett grinned.

"Something like that." More than a little drunk, we both snickered. "No. Seriously, she's a great person. She's just not…"

"She's not…?" Emmett prompted.

"She's not the one for me, and you know it, so I don't know why you're pushing it here."

Emmett smirked. "Is that really what you were gonna say? _She's_ not the one for you?"

"It's what I said," I snorted, "so what difference does it make what I was going to say?"

We silently drank our beers. After a few minutes, Emmett sucked his teeth.

"I swear, it's like pulling teeth with you, no matter how many rounds of beer we've had. Are we ever going to discuss _her_?"

"I thought we just did," I replied.

Emmett quirked a brow at me.

"Em…" I said, and all the while, I fully intended to deflect him, to change the subject, _not_ to wander there as I stared at the empty bottle wrapped in my hands. "Emmett…sometimes…sometimes I wonder what was worse: This past year, when I had no word from her, no idea what she was up to, or this past, couple of weeks, when we've been meeting for lunch, and she's been so damn close…yet more out of reach than ever."

To his credit, Emmett didn't comment right away.

"Edward, you know a hell of a lot more about what's going on between you two than I do, I'll grant you that, but I gotta tell you, man," he snorted, "the other day, when you brought her down to CDC Labs, the way she was looking at you…" he shook his head, "dude, that's not the way one person looks at another when they want to keep that person at arm's length – as evidenced by Maria."

"Emmett," I shook my head miserably, glaring at my bottle, "it's not like that; at least, not for Bella."

"What's it like for Bella, then?"

"What it's like is she needs closure. She needs answers. Emmett, Bella contacted me a couple of weeks ago because she needs my help filling in some of the blanks from That Day so that she can move forward."

"_She_ contacted _you_?"

"You're focusing on the wrong points. We've been meeting for lunch, hashing out the events of That Day, and the events that led up to That Day, and that's it."

"_That's it_?" Emmett echoed. "Dude, maybe you're the one focusing on the wrong points here? The way she looks at you; the fact that _she_ contacted _you_-"

"Em, she's got a boyfriend."

He went quiet for a moment.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I chuckled mirthlessly.

"You're not just…extrapolating?"

"Jesus, Emmett." I raked a hand through my hair and met his gaze. "She confirmed it."

Emmett grimaced. "Shit. Damn."

"Yeah," I snorted. "Shit, damn, and every other fucking expletive you can think of – in English _and_ in Spanish, but it won't change the facts."

And despite Emmett's obvious chagrin at having pushed, I was pissed off now; furious but not with him nor with Bella; not even with the guy from the restaurant. Yet, apparently, fury loosened my tongue.

"And you want to know what else? They live together, and as much as I pretend, as much as I tell myself that I accept the situation…the truth is it's fucking killing me," I hissed through clenched teeth. "I feel fucking gnarled up and twisted and so fucking…" I exhaled roughly, raking a hand through my hair yet again, then fisting it hard. "Because if they live together…if they live together, she really loves him. She loves him and she trusts him because after what she's been through, she wouldn't take that step lightly."

"Ed, maybe-"

"And I'm pissed off, outraged with myself for being unable to _feel_ the acceptance I outwardly display, for being unable to keep my promise to myself that just having known her, having _almost_ called her mine would be enough. Because the truth is…the truth is it's never going to be enough."

Once more, we were silent.

"Ed, what-"

"And, so what if I was extrapolating?" I spat. Oh yeah, I was on a roll now. "It's what we do, isn't it? It's what we're good at; what _I'm_ good at. Yeah, I extrapolated before she confirmed it," I confirmed defensively. "I saw them together at a restaurant a few weeks back, holding hands across a cozy table for two, and for days afterward, I studied that image from every angle, just as if I was on an assignment. I extrapolated an approximation of how long they've been dating, how serious their relationship is." I snorted. "I mean, I see the big picture; I build plans and develop conclusions regarding world events based on fragmented scenarios and incomplete information. Then, I save the world just like you and everyone else are always congratulating me for, _acknowledging_ me for," I grinned sardonically. "You've said it yourself: I save the world even while my own fucking world, while my personal life is a fucking…" With another sardonic chuckle, I cut myself off and faced forward once again.

"Ed, I didn't-"

"Anyway, yeah, through extrapolations and personal statements, I've learned she has a boyfriend, they live together, she's happy, and he's over the moon. End of story," I sneered.

"Ed-"

"And yeah, Emmett; I know I sound like a jealous asshole, but there you go."

"Ed-"

"And, what's more-"

"Ed!" Emmett boomed.

For a handful of seconds, I offered him a blank stare.

"Can I get a word in?" he asked.

"Go ahead."

"Thank you." He rolled his eyes. "_Panita_, you just went off on a rant and a half, and I'm glad; really, I am. You sounded like you needed to get all that off your chest, but can _I_ rant a bit now, and will you please just listen?"

I quirked a brow. "Go ahead."

Emmett pursed his lips. He scrubbed a hand down his face. He drew in a deep breath, and finally, he dove in.

"All right, now, I hear what you're saying, Ed; I really do. You've built this big picture because it's what you do and what you do beyond well. In this big picture, Bella's got a man; she confirmed it herself. You've learned she lives with this guy, and you've extrapolated a whole lot of other shit and already gave them their happily ever after."

"Em-"

"No." He threw a hand up between us. "Nope. You had your say, now let me have mine."

I drew in a deep breath. Exhaling it heavily, I rested my elbow on the table and supported my head in my hand. "Continue."

"Now, here's the thing, Ed. Yeah," he grinned, "you build big pictures out of fragmented scenarios and incomplete information. And yeah, you're fucking amazing at it. But…_I_ study the small parts," – he bounced a thumb off his chest – "the micro-picture, and I'm kick-ass at that part of the necessary big picture. I take the smallest particles found in those scenarios and put 'em under a damn microscope for God's sake, because many times, that's what you gotta do to figure out the big picture."

"Emmett," I exhaled tiredly, "I know where you're going with this, and while yeah, you're fucking amazing at what you do too, this time, you're wrong. They _live_ together, for God's sake. That's the most important piece of that picture because after all the shit Bella's been through, she wouldn't live with a guy unless she meant it to last forever."

"Yeah, but Edward, here's what you're refusing to consider: If she's living with the guy already, if she's _sooo_ fucking happy, as you claim you've extrapolated, if she's taken this step you don't believe she'd ever take lightly…if she truly loves this guy in a forever sort of way…_why_ is she contacting you for closure?"

Glaring down at my empty bottle, more than half-drunk, I couldn't be sure how much time passed before I replied.

"You told me yourself she'd never be able to get past it: past my lies by omission or past the fact that the woman who almost ruined her life is my sister."

"I never said never, Edward," Emmett replied quietly. "Time moves forward, just as you said. And Ed, if anyone knows about a scenario's ability to change, to fluctuate, it's you; and in those cases, the evidence needs to be reevaluated."

OOOOO

A few hours later, back in my hotel room, I tried to sleep off the impending hangover. Tomorrow – or rather, later that morning – would be our last day in Atlanta, and as usual, it promised to be a busy one. The following day, Bella and I had plans to meet again, probably for the last time.

I tried to sleep, but the welcome oblivion evaded me, thanks to Emmett's misplaced hope running around in circles and taking up unwarranted room in my head.

At some point, I'd drifted, become stuck somewhere in that in-between state of semi-consciousness where dreams and reality fuse…meld into one…and where everything…yet nothing…makes…sense.

My eyes popped open.

Immobilized by disorientation, for a few moments, I didn't move a muscle. I merely stared up at the black ceiling. When my eyes began languidly shuttering again, it happened once more. Then, I realized what had pulled me out of the initial stages of slumber.

Sighing now in frustration, I turned over and read the glowing numbers on the hotel clock, muttering when I saw the time and reached for the vibrating cell phone.

"I swear to God, Emmett if you're texting at three-thirty in the morning to tell me you've run out of money at the hotel bar again, and the bouncer's glaring at you hard, I'm going to come down there and help her beat…the ever-living…shit."

I read the first of the two texts I'd just received.

**Edward, you're probably asleep by now, and I'll admit the likelihood that you probably won't see this until morning, at which point you'll likely be way too busy to reply, went a long way in working up my courage to text you.**

I shook my head wildly back and forth, tapped my palm hard and repeatedly against my forehead to joggle my brain, to rid it of any remnants of lethargy impeding its function, before I moved on to the next text, delivered two minutes after the previous one.

**Please don't take that the wrong way. But, you see, initially, I intended to thank you, once again, for meeting with me a few days ago. I know I haven't. Yet, as I considered it further, I realized that each time we meet, the words 'thank you' ring less and less like an appropriate acknowledgment of your granting me literally precious time and more and more like arrogant self-absorption on my part.**

What the hell? What in the world was she talking about?

"_What_? Arrogant? Self-absorbed? Jesus, Bella, no two words in the English language could be further from an accurate description of you."

My thumbs hovered over the keyboard, ready to type out as much in reply, when a conversation bubble with three, little dots appeared on the screen. Bella was typing again, and…

And I had to know what sort of thoughts about me filled her mind at three-thirty in the morning, while another man likely slept at her side.

**Edward, you gave me…so much the other day, more than I ever expected; honestly, even more than I currently know what to do with all these days later. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful, but I'm beginning to see that healing my wounds might have a hidden cost, one which I never took into consideration. The price of dredging up my past to organize it into some form of working order appears to require the painful reopening of your old scars.**

I hung my head and shook it from side to side. Pity. Sympathy. _That's_ what Bella felt for me at three in the morning, and she felt it so acutely it kept her up. The confirmation of that was like a kick to the gut.

"Damn it, Bella," I murmured to myself. "Stop feeling sorry for me. I don't care. I don't care as long as I can be there for-"

When the cell phone vibrated yet again, my eyes flew back to the phone screen.

**If you were awake, right about now you'd be getting ready to type back something along the lines of how you don't want- how you NEVER wanted my sympathy. **

Chuckling ruefully at her correct assumption, I kept on reading.

**Guess what? It's NOT sympathy or pity, Edward. It's a new entry – and a massively important one – in the database file labeled 'THAT DAY.' And I think it's only fair that I share the new entry with you. Ready? This is what the entry reads:**

She sent that message, and as I anxiously stared at the three undulating bubbles, waiting for the 'entry,' my heart jackhammered in my chest.

**File Label: That Day. Entry Number 5 – That Day did not occur in my own, personal vacuum. Other lives figured into That Day. Other pasts affected the probable eventuality of That Day. Other childhood, lingering injuries determined the reactions of participants beyond just me on That Day. **

"Jesus, Bella." Swallowing thickly, I squeezed my eyes shut and instinctively reached up to rub the bump on the bridge of my nose. Despite everything, a wistful smile lifted one corner of my mouth. When the phone vibrated in my hands once more, I sighed and opened my eyes.

**So, you see? This is why I needed you asleep for this. I know you too, Edward, and you would've immediately thought it was Sympathy. In fact, I'm beginning to see that I know you much better than I once allowed myself to believe I knew you, and perhaps…**

She trailed off and sent the message, and I waited with bated breath to see if it would continue or if that was as much as she planned to say. Again, my thumbs locked stiffly over the keyboard, When I'd decided she was done texting, the circles appeared again, proving me wrong.

**Perhaps that's one of the misconceptions on which I've built my current database, an error around which I've organized my current files. I don't know. There's still so much I don't know, Edward, but I know that it's like…**

This time, the painful pause between her texts endured much longer, and still half-drunk, I had no patience at that time of night – or morning – to wait and see if she was done or not.

**It's like what, Bella?**

Instantly, I regretted hitting send, all the more so as the seconds wore on with no reply.

**You're awake.**

I drew in a massive lungful of air and typed my reply.

**Yes, I am. It's like what, Bella?**

Yet again, the seconds wore on.

**It's like…**

When she sent through that fractured elliptical phrase, letting me know that she was thinking through her words, I smiled. My beautiful wordsmith.

**Okay. Ready? It's a metaphor.**

I chuckled to myself as I quickly typed out my reply.

**I'm always more than ready for your metaphors, even at three-thirty in the morning.**

**LOL.**

**It's like no matter how quickly I want to fix the database, regardless of the fact that almost all the data is there, I need that last piece of data to fix the error, to get it up and running again. It's like the system is stuck until that last piece has been inputted. **

I thought about that for a moment, but I suppose it was a moment too long for Bella's patience.

**Hello?**

Again, I chuckled to myself in the darkness of my hotel room.

**Hold on. I'm having my own 'It's like…' moment.**

Oh. Okay. Lol. I'll wait.

**So, I suppose it's like what's going on here. We've analyzed and tested most of the data, but without that final analysis, we can't move forward. Because if we skimp, if we cut corners, the entire project will end in disaster, and we'll have to begin all over again. **

Yes, Edward! Yes! Exactly! You got it. You…always get what I mean.

**Because I love you, Bella. THAT'S the last piece that's missing, the fact that I did all I did because I fell in love with you. And you can store it in your database, and hopefully, someday, you'll be able to look back on that knowledge fondly. Hopefully, you'll look back on US fondly, without the bitter memories attached to our short relationship. And you'll keep moving forward.**

My finger hovered over the 'Send' button…

**I've kept you up long enough. I'm sure you've got a busy day tomorrow. Goodnight, Edward. Sleep well.**

I swallowed thickly and backspaced the entire message. **Goodnight, Bella. Sleep well too.**

OOOOO

The next morning, I stood outside of the sprawling, fall landscape of CDC headquarters. My head pounded from the night before: the drinking, the lack of sleep, the texting with Bella followed by the building hope that perhaps…maybe Emmett was right, and maybe I was wrong. And if there ever was a time in my life when I wanted to be wrong, it was then.

So, I called her because I needed to hear her voice, and I needed to see if maybe…maybe there was more there than I was allowing myself to see.

While the crisp fall breeze swept through my hair, and the phone rang on the other end of the line, I inhaled deeply, allowed the cool air to soothe my pounding head, my hammering heart.

"See you later, Mack! Hello?"

I froze. Bella's phone greeting had gotten mixed in with her morning farewell – her morning farewell to _Mack_.

"Hello? Edward?"

Deep, crushing fury and blinding jealousy closed off my throat, made the drilling in my head pick up triples-speed. I squeezed shut my eyes and dropped my head, shaking it from side to side. My own fucking fault for thinking for a moment Emmett might be right; for thinking for a second that a late-night, thank you text meant more than it did.

I cleared my throat and fought to keep my tone neutral. "Hey…Bella. Sorry. It sounds like I'm interrupting."

"No. I'm just heading to work. What's up?"

And as I made up a shitty excuse for the morning call, the evenness of my voice slowly gave in to growing bitterness so acute I ended my impromptu speech through clenched teeth.

"Uhm…I was just…just calling to confirm we're still on for our lunch date- excuse me," I seethed, "I mean _meeting_ tomorrow. I apologize again if I interrupted anything, but I won't be back in New York until the early hours of the morning, and I wanted to double-check now rather than show up at the coffee shop and find you're not there because you realized you don't need a damn thing from me after all."

And despite the indignant outrage with which I'd spoken, as soon as I was done, I regretted it. I regretted the acrimony, and I dreaded what Bella's prolonged silence meant.

"Yes, Edward," she finally replied evenly. "We're still on unless something has come up for you. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, and I understand if you can't make it tomorrow. We can…" she paused, and I heard her swallow, "we can reschedule for another time, whenever is more convenient for you."

"Jesus. Bella…" I breathed, my head snapping up, while I glared at the beautiful dawning morning sun. "I'm so damn sorry. I don't want to reschedule."

"You want to completely cancel?" she choked.

"_No_. God, no."

"Then, I'm confused. You sound extremely frustrated, Edward."

"I _am_ frustrated," I admitted hoarsely. "I'm frustrated, and I'm pissed off at myself, and I can barely see through the haze of…" I sighed. "But those are all my issues to deal with, not yours."

"Now I really don't understand."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "Honestly, I just called to hear…I just called to confirm for tomorrow. I didn't mean to act like a prick."

Again, she was quiet.

"Actually, I saw you on TV this morning," she said out of the blue. "You looked…as frustrated as you sound right now," she chuckled.

She was changing the subject, and I couldn't be more grateful.

"Those damn interviews," I said, fisting my hair. "I don't think they're going well at all. I don't seem to be getting the fact across that there will be two-"

"Two inoculations, not one. The initial flu vaccine and the upcoming booster. You're getting it across, Edward. Don't worry about that. It's just the particular journalist who looks like she wants…to play games."

I chuckled, though regret at my stupid outburst still ate at me. "Okay. Good. Bella, I really am sorry about my shitty attitude."

"I get it, Edward. You're under a lot of stress at work."

"It wasn't the work stress, Bella. I've lied to you enough-"

"Edward, stop."

"-and I'd be lying again if I allowed you to believe work stress caused my temper to flare just now." I drew in a deep breath and exhaled it loudly. "But like I said, that's my problem. It doesn't need to be yours. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"All right, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

And as I ended the call, I remained in my spot for a few minutes, shoving down my misplaced hope to the deepest recesses of my mind.

"Mack," I breathed to myself. "Mack, you'd better fucking love her and appreciate her for the rest of your damn days."

OOOOO

The next blustery, rainy autumn afternoon, I headed to the coffee shop to meet Bella.

It was the day; the one when I'd give her that final piece; the one which would fix the error in her database. And as I made my way into the shop and found her already at our table and smiling up at me, I forced myself to smile in return, but to see the day for what it was:

A final goodbye.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Chapter Song Rec: **_**When I Was Your Man**_** by Bruno Mars**

**Just a couple of things:**

**In case you guys haven't noticed (or read Break), Emmett sort of plays the part in this story which Rose plays in Break; he's Edward's best friend/counselor. :)**

**Also, I had a reviewer comment on how the title 'Break' reflects Bella's breakdown much like the title of this story, 'Broken' reflects Edward's broken heart. That is correct. :) **

**The same reviewer wanted me to get on with it. I appreciate the impatience, I really do. But if I moved the story along faster than I wanted to move it along, then it wouldn't be my story, and it wouldn't be fun to write, at which point, why would I be writing? :) **

**What's more, my time recently has become even more limited than it used to be. Writing these updates keeps me somewhat sane. I hope they give you guys some pleasure and a quick release from everyday stress as well. :)**

**All THAT being said, we ARE almost there. ;)**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you guys soon.**


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Trying to finish this one up so I can get to the other two, lol.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken Ch 21**

Dark, shapeless clouds hovered in the sky, bathing everything beneath them in lackluster shades of gray. I took in the colorless world outside through the coffee shop's storefront windows, and when I noted the larger than normal raindrops, dripping like oil over a washed-out canvas, the view made total sense to me.

"It's a fitting day."

"Is it? It's a crappy day, the sort of day that makes it hard to leave your bed, but I'm not sure about _fitting_."

I suppressed a grimace at the mental image that bit of extra information engendered. Though, I suppose it explained why Bella sat across from me, with her gaze on the same window and with the same view, yet failing to see what I saw in the blustery weather. To Bella, it was simply the type of day when lovers laid tangled in the sheets for a bit longer than usual.

"Hmm. Can't say I'd know about that." I felt her eyes on me and turned to meet them. "Though, I assume by that statement _you_ had a hard time extracting yourself today."

Confusion flickered momentarily in her gaze, furrowing her smooth brow. "No," she said slowly. "I was pretty anxious to start the day. Knowing is better than not knowing, right?"

She offered me a faint smile, while I saw the irony; I'd spoken those same words to her a week earlier. While we silently held one another's gaze, I wondered if I'd been wrong. Perhaps, ignorance was truly bliss.

"You haven't touched your coffee," I pointed out.

Again, her brow furrowed, as if she'd expected me to say something else. She glanced down at her full mug.

"Actually, I might order a latte. It's a latte kind of day."

"I'll get it for you," I offered quickly.

While on line waiting to order Bella's uncharacteristic latte, I knew I was delaying, putting off the inevitable, just as I knew there was no point to the delay. I shifted my feet, raked my hair, inhaled and exhaled heavily, restless with the knowledge of what was coming. A stream of images flashed through my head, like a movie reel of random highlights and lowlights from Bella's and my rocky relationship:

'_I got distracted with the view from her window.'_

'_You painted that so perfectly, I can practically see it.'_

'_Jasper, you fucking bastard!'_

'_I've got you, Bella.'_

'_They lied to me!'_

"_I know, but I've got you.'_

'_I have a love/hate relationship with windows.'_

'_I suppose there's a false sense of privacy when you're behind a window.'_

'_You're playing with fire, Stranger.'_

'_I know I am, Bella.'_

'_I actually bite the skin under my thumbs and not the nails themselves.'_

'_Tell me what you do, Stranger, that leaves you with time for daily morning runs followed by people-watching in coffee shops, and interspersed with learning novice latte-design tricks?'_

'_Edward, you're like the James Bond- no; better yet, you're the Jack Ryan of viruses and diseases.'_

'_I've always wanted to travel.'_

'_Then, someday, you will.'_

'_Before our running partnership continues, I thought you should know I'm not all sunshine and roses.'_

'_I know that. And guess what? Neither am I.'_

'_Edward, explain to me your runner's high.'_

'_Bella, you are my runner's high lately.'_

'_Edward, if you ever need someone to talk to, really talk to…I mean, sometimes, it seems like you've got a lot of stuff on your mind…'_

'_You're one of the good guys, Edward…'_

'_Edward, how is it that you get me so well?'_

'_Asshole, the next time you call, text, or try to make any sort of contact with me, you'll regret it.'_

'_Edward, I can't do this! You're her brother!'_

'_I'm so sorry. From the very beginning, I meant to tell you…'_

'_Goodbye, Edward…'_

'_Goodbye, Bella…'_

Then, a year later…that chance encounter at a restaurant, while she was on a date, and a text exchange a week later:

'_**Hi Edward, it's Bella. I know it's been a while, and I know the last time we spoke…there were things you wanted to tell me, and I think I'm ready to listen…so we could both get some closure…'**_

'_**If your database is mixed up, let me help you sort through it. And then…it'll be completely up to you how you want to organize those files...'**_

So, here we were: a few meetings later, and preparing to discuss that last piece of data.

As I moved forward in line, I looked over at her, sitting at our table and gazing through those rainy windows - windows which always brought Bella either joy or heartache, never anything in between. Despite everything, the look of eternal wonder on her beautiful face as she examined the view made me smile. She must've sensed my eyes on her because she turned away from the window and met my gaze. For one, long moment, we simply smiled wistfully at one another.

"Sir, can I take your order?"

Blinking away from Bella, I placed her order with the young, professional barista, who at some point in the past year, took Bree's place. In under a minute, she had my mug of coffee and a small pitcher of milk ready. With no further excuses or delays, I returned to the table.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked, thanking me for the latte but otherwise ignoring it.

I shrugged and offered her what I knew was a weak excuse.

"It was a long week."

"You just got in this morning, right?"

"Yeah." I stared past her at the windows, where the raindrops pelted all the harder now until, in my periphery, I saw Bella lean in closer, waiting for me to meet her eyes. This time, she offered me an apologetic smile.

"We really could've rescheduled."

"No point in delaying, is there?"

"Have you slept at all?"

"I slept on the train a bit, Bella." Sighing, I raked my hair yet again. "I'm fine."

She backed up, still scrutinizing me as she inattentively swirled her spoon in her coffee.

"You know," I said, raising a brow, "it's not actually a latte until you add the milk."

A mischievous spark lit up her eyes.

"Ahh." She nodded slowly. "That's right; in addition to being an Upper-East-Side-Prep-School hip-hop artist and a James Bond-slash-Jack-Ryan-type disease eradicator, you were also once a latte artist."

Despite everything, I chuckled heartily at her descriptions, stupidly warmed by the fact that she remembered all those old conversations…all those old moments together.

"Do you still practice your latte art?"

"Bella Swan," I snorted, "you rarely say or act how I expect you to."

"I'm not sure what you're expecting today, Edward."

"Not a discussion on latte art. And no, I haven't practiced the art," I smirked, "not in a while."

She grinned impishly before picking up her coffee mug and her small pitcher of milk.

"Let's see."

It was true; I hadn't attempted a latte design since the last time Bella and I had coffee before our one year hiatus. Even then, I'd been pretty shitty at it, but Bella would laugh openly, throw back her head in amusement, shriek in feigned horror at the poor images which ensued. And I would've attempted them every single day for the rest of my life to observe her reaction.

However, apparently Bella had been paying more attention to the design which ensued rather than to how I prepared the design. Her steps were all wrong. Though she held the cup at an angle while balancing the pitcher above it, she poured too quickly and shifted the milk pitcher around erratically. The result, however, was one of the most hilarious latte design images I'd ever seen.

I laughed loudly. "I would've never expected that of you, Bella," I said when I could finally speak.

Her cheeks were bright red, partly embarrassment, but I could tell she was amused as well.

"I swear that's not what I was going for. I don't even know how that happened."

"Mhm," I mumbled teasingly.

"Edward, if I was going to purposely draw a penis, I'd draw a bigger one. That thing is tiny."

I dropped my head, snickering as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Bella, Bella."

"Hey," she said, and I could hear the feigned indignation in her tone, "you were the artist back then. I was merely the admirer."

My head shot up. "I was the artist, you were the admirer," I echoed, shaking my head. "You have that so backward. And from the little I know of you, you're still the creative one."

All of a sudden, Bella flinched as if I'd reached out and hit her.

"What is it?" I breathed in horror.

"Nothing. Actually," she swallowed, "speaking of creativity, I received an interesting phone call yesterday."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, though my mind was still reeling from her reaction to my previous statement. Why had she acted as if she was hurt by my choice of words?

"So, I've got this agent. Her name is Jessica Stanley. She's been my agent for about a year, and she's pretty much gotten me nowhere," she chuckled.

"Then why do you keep her around?" I offered her a bemused smile.

"Because she's ferocious, Edward, and she talks like she knows she's going to make me famous someday. And…I don't know. She just seems so confident in my work."

"Then, I love her taste."

She smiled softly. "Anyway, I hadn't heard from her in a while, and then all of a sudden, she calls me up and she says she's got something great lined up for me for tomorrow."

"And?" I smiled, my anticipation building.

"And…that's it," Bella chuckled, shrugging. "She didn't give me much more information than that, but according to her, I better be ready to go places." She finished with an eye roll.

However, I was almost bursting with second-hand pride.

"Jesus, that's great, Bella. I knew it would happen for you. I always knew it."

"What was that bit of philosophy the _peer-ahh-goo-ahh_ guy imparted to you once? 'The good days disappear, and the cold days arrive, but with a little luck and patience, the good days return, even if they take a while in doing so.'

I swallowed. "Yeah. Yeah, that was basically it. These are definitely your good days, Bella. Your great days and you deserve every single one of them."

Bella snorted. "Don't get too carried away, Edward. Though I'll confess I _am_ excited, even more so than I let on with my friends, I don't want to get my hopes up."

"Why not?"

"Look," she said somewhat testily, "I'm sure you've noticed I don't deal well with deep disappointments."

My eyes narrowed. "So…what? You plan to go through the rest of your life without raising your hopes too high? That's not the Bella Swan I know."

"You _don't_ know me," she abruptly hissed. "You just said it yourself."

Her complete one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn in mood startled the shit out of me – for about half a second before my own mood altered.

"That's not what I said, Bella," I clarified through clenched teeth, "not at all. I said I know very little of what you've been up to for the past year. That doesn't mean I don't know _you_."

And just like that, the rest of the patrons in the restaurant disappeared, burned away to a charred crisp in the wake of our bewilderingly rising tempers. That she could have the nerve to tell _me_ that _I_ didn't know her? My nostrils flared, and I leaned in sharply across the table.

"You can't have it both ways, Bella. You can't tell me no one knows you the way I do one day, and the next, when I say something that pulls you out of your comfort zone, tell me I don't know you. I _do_ know you," I growled fiercely and bounced a finger hard on the tablespace between us, "and if this is gonna be our last _meeting_-"

"Why would this be our last meeting?" she spat just as fiercely.

"You wanted answers, right?" I sneered. "_Just_ answers?"

Bella swallowed, her own nostrils flaring…but she made no reply.

I snorted. "If this is going to be our last meeting, _I'm_ not going to let you walk away spouting that lie to _me_." Now I dug the finger bouncing on the table into my chest. "I know you, Bella," I repeated.

"Then tell me _how_ you know me so well," she snapped.

Her dark eyes took on a scarlet glow, backlit by fury. They stood out from among the drab, grey surrounding her. In my periphery, I saw her chest rise and fall with her angry breaths, her mouth curve into a scowl. As soon as I pulled back, a streak of lightning illuminated the coffee shop and bathed Bella in its fiery light, giving her the appearance of an avenging angel. The lightning was swiftly followed by a clap of thunder that shook the windows but barely made her blink.

"You want to know how I know you?" I said. "Fine. That Day, I arrived at Alice's building because I was leaving the country for work, and I knew I'd be gone for a few months. Like I said the last time you and I met, she and I never got along well. Whether that was mostly my fault or not I suppose doesn't really have much of a bearing on this part. She'd been quiet for the last couple of months. Too quiet," I scowled. "I knew my sister, and I knew relative silence likely meant trouble in one form or another. But then I started wondering if maybe it was just me. Maybe I was just a resentful asshole who couldn't see past what her mother and our father did."

"Edward, you're not-"

She tried to interrupt, but I kept going.

'And just because she was quiet didn't mean she was up to something she shouldn't be." Snorting, I offered Bella a wry grin. "What's more, she was _working_ now. She had a great job at a small but well-respected publication, and while the pay wasn't great, it wasn't as if Alice needed the money. Neither of us needed to work for our money."

"Yet you work hard, Edward."

"Because I enjoy what I do. I've always enjoyed my job. It's a stressful job, yes, but I can immerse myself in it one hundred percent when I need to."

"And lately…" she said quietly, her fury of a moment earlier apparently gone, "you've needed to?"

I held her gaze because answering that question would give her that final piece without the data that backed it up.

"You wanted to go in order, right?"

She nodded.

"Then, we'll get to that. So, I texted her and told her I'd be away for a while, and I wanted to stop by in case she wanted to…I don't know, talk? She never replied. And maybe I should've just fucking left without going to see her. Maybe I should've just…"

And there went yet another variation to the question which had plagued me for days: Would it have been better had I never known her? Was knowing truly better than not knowing?

I raked a hand through my hair, yet when I met her eyes…as bewildered as they currently looked, despite the fact she loved someone else...when I looked into those eyes…

"Except, I don't believe that myself, do I?" I murmured mostly to myself. "No more lies, right?" I said more loudly.

"No more lies," she whispered.

My heart hammered in my chest.

"Before I even met you, Bella, long before That Day, I'd read some of your articles."

Bella's head jerked back, and her eyes widened into circles.

"I wasn't stalking you," I said evenly, "I promise. It was nothing like that. When she…when Alice first began working at _The High Line_, she sent me some of your work. She said she'd be working for you, and she wanted to know what I thought of your writing."

"What did you reply?"

"I thought the articles were great. They were immersive, enlightening…captivating."

"And what did she say?"

"She said she thought she could do better."

Bella snorted. "Did you read any of my articles toward the end?"

"Yes, I did," I admitted. "But I read them afterward, after everything that happened."

"They were shit, weren't they?"

Yes, they were. "You'd been under a lot of stress."

Despite my evasion, she grinned knowingly. "In other words, yes, they were shit, but thanks for trying to spare my feelings. Yes, she did write better than me then," Bella admitted. "Go on, Edward. That Day, you arrived at her lobby to say goodbye, to possibly build a relationship, to move past your own guilt, to provide her the benefit of the doubt, and then…_what_?"

"Then…I opened the door to the lobby…and a beautiful, angry woman in heels rushed past me." I smiled wistfully at the scene in my memory.

"I _shoved_ past you," Bella corrected with her own wry smile. "Don't sugar-coat it too much; I do remember some."

"Fine. A beautiful, angry woman in heels shoved past me, and believe it or not," I chuckled humorlessly, "those heels were my first concern. I was worried you'd fall over."

Bella chuckled in return. "I probably should've fallen over. It would've saved us all a bunch of trouble."

"No," I disagreed. "you shouldn't have. Just like I shouldn't have left the country without going to see her."

Once again, Bella's nostrils flared, her fury apparently making a comeback full force.

"So, what are you saying, Edward," she hissed, "that we were exactly where we were meant to be? With me on the verge of one of the worst moments of my life, and you on the verge of reliving a scene sickeningly reminiscent to one of your worst moments?" She shook her head. "How could any of that have been meant to be?"

With that question, Bella once and for all answered _my_ question: Yes. Yes, knowing is better than not knowing. Because both of us being there, and everything that came before, and everything that came after, ensured that I would someday see her, understand her, and _always_ love her.

God, how could any of that _not_ have been meant to be?

I sighed in relief, for that much, at least.

"The next thing I knew, my sister was rushing out of the elevator, looking wild and…fucking disheveled and the guy with her looking no better. And I knew, of course, what they'd been up to. When I saw you approach them, I knew some serious shit was about to go down."

"I started yelling."

"You started yelling, and everyone in the lobby stopped to watch. The guy with Alice rushed forward and begged you to calm down."

"My dear husband," she smirked sardonically.

"You kept cursing at him and at Alice, and…that was the first time I tried to step in."

"Why? Because I was cursing at Alice?"

"No, Bella," I hissed, frustrated that she could still believe that. "Not because you were cursing at Alice. Because I knew my sister." I paused here, and Bella waited. "There's a difference between shame and embarrassment. Alice was embarrassed, but she wasn't ashamed. The more you yelled and cursed, the more her self-righteous sense of resentment grew, and I knew that the moment she lashed out, she was going to do so in the most vindictive…the most ruthless manner possible."

"Like by announcing to me and to the entire lobby that while I'd tried for the past two years to get pregnant from my husband, she'd accomplished the feat in a matter of a few, short months."

I swallowed thickly. "Yes. Like that. So, she played her ace card, and-"

Bella sighed. "Edward, why didn't you just leave at that point? It had to be so hard for you," she said shakily, "to watch that scene play out. Why did you stay?"

"I couldn't leave," I said simply. "Yeah, I suppose, at first, it was sympathy; I watched the both of them stand together against you, with your own damn husband too much of a whipped prick to at the very least protect you from her venomous mouth," I scowled. "But then…when I wrapped my arms around you to pull you off him-"

"I don't remember that," she whispered, making my chest clench painfully. "I don't remember you holding me. I mean, I have vague recollections in my dreams, but most of them vanish when I wake up. What I experienced in that lobby…they called it an anxiety attack with accompanying memory loss. It was…bad." When she choked and turned away to hide her face, I threw caution to the wind and took her hand over the table. She allowed it, her beautiful face still angled away from me, but after a minute, her eyes once again met mine.

"What did you say to me, Edward?"

"I told you they weren't worth it. I told you to let go because they weren't worth it, and I told you…" When I swallowed, Bella shut her eyes, "I told you I understood your anger, and I tried to persuade you to come to me, to allow me," I said, my voice shaking, "to allow me to keep you safe because they weren't worth you getting into trouble. You said they lied to you, and I said-"

Her eyes popped open. "You said, 'I've got you.'"

I nodded.

"You said it over and over, and…and I let go of Jasper, and…"

"Jesus," I murmured quietly, while the memories apparently flooded her.

"And you comforted me," she breathed, a solitary tear skimming her cheek. It fell on the table between us, then another one joined it. "You told me it would be okay. You promised me. You pulled me back…and you held me so tightly, you enveloped me so completely in your arms, while she taunted me and taunted me." Bella cried quietly. "Why, Edward?"

"She said something about how everything could've been handled in a friendly manner, and-"

"And that was when I fucking lost it because my mother used those same damn words when she broke my father's heart. And I let loose all the pain and frustration which had been building for decades…but _why_, Edward? _Why_ didn't you let go?"

I held her gaze.

"Edward, why?"

"Why?" I echoed, squeezing her hand in mine, anchoring myself to her before the rest poured out.

"Do you want the absolute truth, or do you want the answer that's still true, but that'll make it easier to send this file back to the goddamn end of the list? Because the absolute truth might not be something you need to hear. It's probably not what you _want_ to hear," I qualified carefully, "not now when…" I swallowed painfully. "The absolute truth might just be for _me_ to deal with, and God help me," I groaned hoarsely, scrubbing a hand down my face, "I'm not trying to be an asshole, Bella. I'm asking you because I honestly don't know here. I don't know, but I'll give you whatever you want. _Anything_ you want."

Her reply was instantaneous, as was my compliance.

"I want the absolute truth."

"Yes, those first few moments in that lobby were a reminder of what my father did, but it was an alternate scenario."

"It was your past affecting how you saw that scene."

"It was _more_ than that," I emphasized intently. "It was the pent-up emotion that burst from you: your fury and outrage, yes, but it was more than that which made me hold on so tight. It was the courage you showed in calling them out on their bullshit instead of just hushing it up, handling it privately, in a _friendly_ manner," I scoffed, "like she said; in a quiet corner where all's easily forgiven and forgotten. No. No," I growled. "You stood there and gave them both a piece of what they deserved, a piece of your mind, and along with the little bit I'd learned of you from your articles, I started to piece together the most fascinating of women."

"A fascinating woman." Bella laughed bitterly, and my blood boiled. "You're going to tell me that's what you saw in me the day I broke?"

"Yes," I seethed at her damned continuing inability to see! "That's what _I_ saw. I saw a woman with so many complex sides: an imaginative wordsmith and writer who'd earned her corner office without stabbing someone else in the back for it, a defender of what was hers, a woman with the capability to love so unconditionally – even when she loved the wrong person, but so unconditionally, she'd display that love to the entire world. Someone who gave fidelity and who expected fidelity in return. Someone capable of offering forgiveness. A woman who'd fight for the family she wanted so badly, she'd put herself through that hell for it. And no, Bella," I spat, "in the heat of the moment, I didn't realize I was thinking these things; of course not. It wasn't until days, weeks later that I laid my head down on another continent and wondered why I still couldn't get you out of my head. That was when I stopped to examine these thoughts. That was when I realized that I'd taken what little I knew and extrapolated so much from it…so much…_Bella_…"

My heart felt like it was about to explode. Dizzy, I gripped both of her hands tightly…too damn tightly. Yet it was _she_ who slid her fingers through mine…_her_ thumbs tracing soothing circles while _her_ forehead came to rest on mine. _She_ breathed my name, bathed me in _her_ warm breath, and across a small table in a coffee shop, _Bella_ allowed me a taste of her courage…

She filled me with her courage, and I took it ran.

"Edward…"

I gave her that last piece.

"…so much that I'd fallen in love with you."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**Chapter Song Recs:**

_**The Scientist**_** by Coldplay**

_**I love you**_** (Billie Eilish, duet version)**

**"See" you soon.**


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts!**

**Almost done! (Though, this story will expand a little beyond where BREAK ended).**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 22**

Moments can be an indeterminable fraction of our lives; something occurring so briefly in relation to other, lengthier moments that they should, for all intents and purposes, be insignificant and easily wiped from our memories.

For example: a ninety-minute morning jog, a five-minute coffee break, a fifteen-minute business meeting, a two-minute to two-hour span between a head hitting the pillow and ensuing sleep – all these can be named trivial moments in our lives, whether they occur randomly or whether they occur repeatedly. They're summarily dismissed among the day-to-day grind, inconsequential backgrounds in the grand scheme, never to be recalled again.

"Edward…you loved me from the very beginning?"

Some moments are a five-second question, while two foreheads meet to support one another like opposite sides of a makeshift bridge…while ten fingers weave together across a table like an inseverable knot…while a pair of mouths exhale warm breath into a tight space, commingling like life-sustaining air.

Some moments are a split-second reply. "Yes."

Moments can be meticulously planned; something scheduled; its shape, plot, and ending prefabricated and orchestrated with a specific purpose in mind.

For example: a well-organized wedding, a projected family size, an outlined education, a pre-arranged tryst between a pair of married lovers.

"From the first…from the moment we met…_re_-met…here…in the coffee shop…you…you already loved me?"

Some moments are still being formulated as they're expelled on a bewildered breath.

Some moments are instinctive. "Yes."

Moments can be unintended brushstrokes on an already completed canvas. They're wild, indelible etches, painted on with a permanent sort of ink that bleeds into every aspect of the picture.

For example: winning the lottery when you're down to your last dollar, learning you have a life-threatening disease; or, being caught by your seven-year-old son while in the midst of that pre-arranged tryst.

"Bella, every moment of our lives leading up to that first coffee shop encounter led me to love you when I first saw you sitting here, gazing past these windows, a year after That Day."

"Edward…"

Some moments, like an unexpected encounter with a woman on the verge of a breakdown, bleed onto your canvas. From that moment on, those fathomless, immeasurable, and indeterminable moments with her paint every corner of your life.

Within one of these moments, Bella and I remained transfixed. We were rooted not to the spot but to one another, negligible space made all the tighter, all the more deceivingly private by the deluge which blanketed the windows and formed another barrier between the world and us. Perhaps it was that false sense of seclusion or the way I imagined she held onto me as urgently as I held onto her, which were to blame when my mouth skimmed upward, brushed against her nose…her brow…

"Edward…I can't," Bella breathed. "There's someone…and I can't…"

My mouth paused, and I swallowed past the lump in my throat to acknowledge her words.

"I know you can't," I murmured, succumbing nevertheless and brushing my lips against her smooth brow. "And that right there is one of the reasons why I respect you and love you so much, and it's why I can't either. A secret piece of you would never be enough for me."

Placing the ghost of a kiss to her sweet temple, I untangled myself from her warm hands and forced myself to pull away. For a moment, Bella remained immobile, her eyes shut, head hung in the same position as when our foreheads touched. With a deep breath, she opened her eyes and pulled back.

"And there is my absolute truth, and we can hit the 'X' on that portion of the file, and you can move on."

"Edward…I have...vague memories of the hospital. You were there with me."

"You remember."

"Only very vaguely. I…" Bella dropped her eyes and glared at her hands, now in fists before her. When she spoke again, her voice erupted in a strangled whisper. "I'm hurting you so much with this."

"Stop."

Her eyes flashed back to me. "Why? It's the truth. Yet you'll sit here and give me what I want, and I'll take and ask for more." She snorted in unmerited self-derision. "Because _I_ need time to process this before we reach that hospital."

I quirked a brow. "Bella, now that you know my absolute truth, do you really think I'm going to sit here and complain about meeting with you one more time?"

"You have so much going on," she protested.

"And so do you," I countered. This time, when I leaned across, I kept my hands in fists as well, under the table. "So, just tell me where and when. I'll let you know if I can make it, and," I shrugged, "we'll go from there."

For one, long moment, we remained silently locked in one another's gaze, until Bella's fervently spoken words broke the silence.

"Thank you, Edward, for _so much_."

"No, Bella. Don't thank me."

Forcing myself to be the one to break our gaze left me lightheaded. My eyes landed unsteadily on the windows. Outside, the afternoon torrent ebbed as suddenly as it arrived. Though clouds still lingered, only a light trickle of rainfall pitter-pattered over the city's concrete, turning every structure into dark pewter. With a deep breath, I expelled the words that would end the afternoon.

"Stay safe and dry out there, okay?"

Her reply was the barest wisp of a feather. "Okay. You too."

In my periphery, I watched her gather her things, slip on her raincoat, and pick up her umbrella. All the while, I gripped the coffee table's dirty legs, held them even tighter when the doorbell chime announced her departure. It was the only way to resist chasing after her as she walked away.

OOOOO

It was strange. When I finally emerged from the coffee shop, the world appeared no different. The dark skies didn't seem to note or care about the moments Bella and I had just shared. The rest of the day proceeded in the same manner, with no outward alteration to Life as _I_ knew it. Yet, I _felt_ markedly different.

I didn't hear from Bella for the rest of the day, nor the next morning or afternoon.

"Doctor Jones, we're waiting for your office's final okay on the sample batch delivered to you. At that point, with Emergency Use Authorization already granted to the manufacturer, we'll be a go for immediate production."

"Of course, Doctor Cullen," replied the FDA microbiologist on the other end of the video conference screen. "I assure you, we're working as fast as we can."

"I appreciate it," I said. "With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up on us next week, we here at the CDC want to ensure the antiviral is in production by then."

We were holding a late afternoon conference call regarding the anti-viral booster samples we sent for approval. It was the final step before production could begin in earnest. If all went well, we'd have an initial, world-wide inoculation batch ready for distribution in about two weeks.

"Therefore, if you have any indication that this batch might not meet approval, the sooner we're informed, the sooner we can work on-"

"I assure you, Doctor Cullen," Doctor Jones said, "as of this moment, we're ninety-nine percent certain the sample batch will meet all FDA requirements, but though we foresee no issues, we can't issue approval until the very last test returns."

"We'd not only expect but condone nothing less here at the CDC," I said.

"In the meantime, Doctor McCarty, will you be around if we need some final input from you?"

I looked at Emmett, who sat across from me at the small conference table. "Definitely," he nodded. "You can contact me at any time."

"And you, Doctor Cullen?"

"I'll be on twenty-four-hour call as well. As soon as we hear back from you, I'll sign off and send the EUA to the manufacturer."

"Very good. Sounds like a plan, Doctors." Doctor Jones smiled. "You'll be hearing from us soon."

"Thank you. We look forward to it." Leaning forward, I hit the power button and ended the video conference.

Emmett and I both exhaled.

"We're so close," he said.

I nodded.

"Just one more test."

I nodded.

"So, if the sample batch is a go, we'll have just enough for our own use so that by the time we're out in the field for distribution to first responders and those at the highest risk, we'll be protected."

I nodded.

Emmett watched me. Then, he checked his watch.

"Not much more we can do around here tonight. Want to go get a drink?"

"I don't..." But then I sighed and nodded.

OOOOO

"It's a strange sensation, like a…weight lifted off of you when you tell the woman you know you'll always love that you love her."

"Even if she doesn't say it back?"

I stared in front of me at the shelves of liquor lining the bar. In the background, a group of twenty-somethings covered the early 90's grunge favorites. I'd spent the better part of an hour relaying Bella's and my last lunch tale to Emmett, though there were certain parts I would always keep between she and I.

Lifting my bottle to my mouth, I took another drink before I replied.

"Even if she doesn't say it back."

From the barstool beside mine, Emmett chuckled quietly. "I'll be honest, Ed. As much as I advocated your honesty, that sounds fucking frightening as hell. It took balls, man."

I snorted. "I don't know about that. Like I said, it's surprisingly...freeing, knowing she's out there, and she finally knows how I feel." I shook my head and offered him a sidelong smirk. "You were right, you know."

"I usually am," he grinned, "but about what in particular?"

"A couple of years ago," I grinned in return, "when I was still struggling against my feelings for Bella, you basically told me I was a closed-off asshole who never let women in."

Now Emmett chuckled heartily. "I don't remember phrasing it quite that way."

"No, not exactly that way, but I extrapolate, remember? It's what you meant." I chuckled but then quickly sobered. "And you were right. I spent decades trying not to be like my father-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I sure as hell never compared you to your dad."

"But I was like him, and no, I don't mean with the cheating," I clarified. "I learned the consequences of _that_ literally first-hand from him, though it wasn't a lesson he meant to teach me That Day. I inadvertently learned another lesson That Day as well. I learned...not to trust women."

Emmett remained silent.

"A year ago...I wanted Bella's trust, but _I_ wasn't ready to trust her in return. I kept them all, including Bella, at arm's length. I kept the truth from her because I didn't trust her with it. Yesterday, when I finally told her everything...when I told Bella I loved her…it was...liberating. It was like…" I took a drink, "like I finally, _finally_ broke down that wall of distrust around me."

For a long while, Emmett and I quietly drank our beers and listened to the band. They were good. When they finished their set, Emmett clapped me on the shoulder.

"Ed, I know things didn't turn out the way you would've wanted, but it sounds like you ended up a better man for knowing her."

I smiled wistfully and pulled out my wallet. "I did, and no matter what, she'll always have given me that."

"Yeah," he murmured in agreement. "Hey, want to stay for a couple more rounds and take in the next set?" Emmett asked as I settled my bar tab. "The FDA peeps can contact us as well here as they can from our places."

I considered it for a moment but then shook my head.

"Nah. I've got paperwork I should catch up on during the lull. Besides, I better keep a clear head in case something comes up." As I turned to leave, I raised a brow at Emmett. "Maybe you should do the same?"

"I'm half Latino, white boy. Remember? I can hold my liquor."

Emmett's reverberating laughter followed me out the bar door.

OOOOO

Back at my loft later, an unexpected knock on the door interrupted my train of thought. I sucked my teeth, hands paused mid-sentence, hovering above the keyboard while I tried to find my place again.

"Where was I? Oh yeah." My fingers resumed their glide across the keyboard.

"…recommend distribution begins in the-"

Another knock.

"Shit," I spat.

I had a young neighbor, in his early to mid-twenties, who partied hard and whose drunk friends tended to get lost from door to door. Again, I waited, hoping Young Neighbor's friend found his place so I could find mine.

"…distribution begins in the area which will allow-"

Another knock.

_"Fuuuck,_" I growled lowly, shoving away the laptop. The action displaced the documents across my desk, which aggravated me all the more. "Great," I hissed as I shuffled barefoot toward the door. "Errant knocker, you better be ready for a mouthful. Coming!"

Exhaling through slightly flared nostrils, I simultaneously pulled open the door and opened my mouth, ready to lay into the...

For the first few seconds, I stood there and wondered if...if _Bella_ was a guest at one of Young Neighbor's parties, and she'd indeed, she'd gotten lost.

"Bella?"

Without a word, she stood on her tip-toes – and the part of me which noted everything, even in the most consequential of moments, noted the one foot she had in a heeled shoe and the other she had in an orthopedic boot. Never mind that perplexing development, when she wrapped her warm arms around my shoulders, and I instinctively slid my arms around her hips, lifting her apparently injured feet off the floor...when she buried her beautiful face against my neck, and I instantly felt the dampness of her tears...

When all that occurred, the five-second moment became the most important moment of all.

"Bella…" I breathed, holding her up all the more securely, "what are you doing here? And what happened to your foot?"

Bella chuckled in reply. She chuckled and cried. Crying and chuckling, she cradled my face between her soft hands, locked me in her dark, wet gaze…and smiled.

"I'm fine. It's okay. It's nothing." Again, she chuckled. Then, she cried. She chuckled, cried, shook her head erratically, then nodded. "I'm fine, and…"

I held her gaze, bewildered…and tamping down on the hope that wanted to burst forth; the hope that she'd actually come looking for _me_.

Because I had _no clue _what to think.

Not even when Bella reached out and traced the line that must've appeared between my brows. Eyes full of wonder, she skimmed her finger down my nose, above the bridge...and past it. Her eyes glistened as she pulled the finger away...leaned in...and brushed her lips against the almost-forgotten bump.

"And I'm sorry I broke your nose."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon!**


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**We're getting there. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken - Chapter 23**

Somehow - and I had no clue how or why - I'd opened the door to my loft and wandered into a sort of semi-heaven. It was the type of heaven where dark-haired angels tread and slid ethereal arms around human shoulders before cradling faces in gauzy hands and feathering supple lips against long-forgotten fractured noses; so, perhaps it wasn't a _semi_-heaven after all. And even though I was the one holding the angel up in my arms, it was my eyes that fell shut in sweet surrender. Because in this bewildering corner of Utopia, I was putty in her hands; malleable, as if on this ridge of bliss, she was more than an angel; she was the very goddess whose hands shaped me.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry..."

She murmured the words over and over, lips still brushing my nose and bathing me in pure warmth. Slowly reopening my eyes, I found both shed and unshed tears glimmering on her beautiful face and at the corners of her hypnotically dark eyes. When a tear skimmed her cheek and paused at the rim of her mouth, I wondered how an angel's tears tasted, and I leaned in closer...

A blaring car horn and screeching tires pierced the borders of this strange Eden and annihilated it as suddenly as it appeared, returning it to its former use as a simple hallway...

However, the angel remained; so, again: _semi-_heaven.

_'I'm sorry I broke your nose.'_

_'I'm sorry...'_

_'I'm sorry...'_

If my quick conjectures were correct, Bella had now recalled much of the rest of That Day on her own. Unfortunately, that appeared to mean she felt guilty now, over something she shouldn't, and for something over which she'd had no control. What was more, in my state of self-imposed hypnosis, I'd been close to responding to her unnecessary apologies in a manner that would've gotten me slapped - and with good cause.

Blinking out of my disorientation, I squeezed my eyes shut and loosened the mind-blowing yet excessively tight grip I had on Bella's hips. Then, refocusing, I cautiously set her down and took a step back.

"I..." I swallowed hard, "I apologize. I-"

"No, Edward-"

"Shit, and I forgot about your foot."

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I can walk."

"_And_ I've got you standing out here." I raked a frustrated hand through my hair. "I'm sorry, do you want to come in?"

Bella offered me a soft smile. "If it's okay."

"Of course it is."

As she limped by, I stood stoically to the side, hands curled in fists to keep them from reaching for her because, despite her injured foot, I was pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate being hauled over my shoulder. When she stepped in, I shut the door and followed her, hands dug deep in my pockets. Meanwhile, Bella's eyes swept the loft, while _my_ eyes struggled to believe the veracity of what they saw.

Obviously, my ability to extrapolate was, at that moment, nil.

More than a few seconds went by. Bella continued inspecting the loft. The converted warehouse was simple - just a large, open space - but whenever I was home in New York, I loved being _home_. It was clean and sparse. Unlike my sister and her ostentatious, midtown high-rise, I'd furnished my place more with necessity and functionality in mind rather than with over-the-top decor. Kept true to its origins, authentic brickwork lay exposed in places, and the wood-beamed ceilings exposed some of the piping. Wooden pillars separated one space's function from the other, while a winding, narrow stairwell crafted of the building's native steelworks led up to the bedroom. However, my favorite part of the loft were the large, industrial-sized windows overlooking downtown's pre-war architecture mixed with modern high-rises along with a peek of the Freedom Tower. In spite of my mental upheaval, I caught myself smiling when the windows appeared to hold Bella's attention. The possibility that she might enjoy the view from my loft as much as I did infused me with a ridiculous amount of warmth.

Nonetheless, there was only so long my mind could distract itself from the variety of questions demanding answers, while also ignoring the fact that Bella was _still_ standing on an obviously injured foot.

I cleared my throat. "Bella…"

Bella turned and offered me a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I got distracted." With one more hasty glance around the loft, her eyes returned to me. "It's really a great place."

"It's pretty basic, but thanks."

"I didn't mean to barge in on you like this." Her eyes flashed to the desk, where she'd apparently noted my laptop's glowing screen. "It looks like you were in the middle of-"

"No, no." I waved a hand dismissively. "I mean, I was working, but-" With a furtive breath, I dared a step closer to her. "Come on, Bella. You have to get off that foot."

When she didn't protest, I dared yet another step and another, and with the lightest touch to guide her, I led us to the lone sectional in the apartment. As she took a seat, I carried on a split second, mental debate on which issue here took precedence: her injury or her reason for showing up at my door?

Kneeling on the wooden floor before her, I wrapped my hands around the boot on her foot.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

The slight note of apprehension in her tone gave me pause. Looking up, I offered her a grin meant to set her at ease.

"An examination. I'm a doctor, remember?"

"You're not a medical doctor, and my ankle doesn't have the flu."

The feigned scowl I attempted swiftly morphed into a genuine chuckle.

"Smartass. I'm _better_ than a medical doctor. So...what happened Bella?"

"A lot. It's a long story."

That statement merited a raised eyebrow, at the very least. "Is it now?"

"Mhm. Do you…" she sighed, "I know you're busy, but do you have a few moments so I can share it with you?"

Snorting, I shook my head. "Isabella Swan, you know damn well I'll always have time for you – and your long stories. But may I examine your foot first?"

"It's already been examined, Edward."

"Humor me. _Please."_

Bella swallowed...and relented with a smile and a nod. Gently, I pulled back the rows of Velcro fasteners holding the boot together. When they were all unfastened, I eased the boot off her foot slowly and carefully.

"It's a sprained ankle, not a bomb," said the woman seated on the sectional.

"Such a smartass," I breathed, making her chuckle.

Setting the boot aside, I peeled off the hospital-grade gray sock the hospital had apparently given Bella. As I cradled her bare foot, there was a part of me that wanted to laugh despite the fact that I was holding Bella's _injured_ foot - a pristine, smooth, and sweetly-shaped foot, if not for the swelling. It was the part of me that realized how ruthlessly hard and loud Emmett would laugh at me if I ever told him how...sexy I found her foot.

"I've meant to go for a pedicure."

Eyes still firmly on her foot, I chuckled under my breath because she had no idea where my thoughts wandered.

"Never what I expect," I mumbled. Taking a closer look, I cautiously moved her foot from side to side. "Painted toes or not, the ankle doesn't look too bad, thank goodness," I pronounced.

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen, but I did tell you that," she pointed out.

I shook my head at her continued teasing and placed two fingers just below her ankle, examining for fractures.

"Does that hurt?"

When Bella didn't immediately reply, I panicked and looked up. She didn't appear to be in pain, more...dazed. Her throat moved as she swallowed hard.

"I went to the hospital, Edward. It's fine; just sprained. And no…" she added, dropping her voice, "it doesn't hurt when you touch me like that."

I managed an erratic nod because there was something obscurely indecipherable in Bella's expression, yet something in the way she held me locked in her gaze that felt vaguely familiar...something from back in those days when I thought...when I allowed myself to believe that perhaps Bella and I might someday...

Fuck_._

What was I doing?

What the _hell_ was I thinking?

Bella had a boyfriend. She'd confirmed it, and more than once. Less than forty-eight hours earlier, as a matter of fact, she'd told me, in no uncertain terms, that she "couldn't," because there was "someone." Yet, here I was, deluding myself into seeing shit in front of me that wasn't there, instead of taking care of her injured foot.

When would I ever learn to give up, to silence that stupid voice inside me who neglected evidence in favor of emotions, when it came to her?

Easing her foot gently on the floor, I stood and headed swiftly toward the staircase.

"Hold on; I'll be right back."

"Edward?"

I could hear the puzzlement in her voice, but I took the steps two at a time, sprinted into the bathroom and flipped on the lights. There, I fisted my hair in both hands and scowled at the image in the mirror.

"The hell is your problem, man? Get a hold of yourself. Take care of her foot, find out how and why she arrived at your doorstep, what you can do to ease her mind, then, make sure she makes it back home safely - to her boyfriend," I chuckled bitterly. "That's it. That's your job, and be grateful for that much, at least." With a handful of deep-dive level breaths, I yanked open the medicine cabinet.

When I descended the steps with most of the necessary implements, I caught Bella's still bemused eyes on me. "Just one more thing." I offered her a quick wink as I sprinted into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge.

"Do you want a drink, Bella?"

"No, thanks. I'm...good?"

Retrieving the last item from the freezer, I returned to the living room and took a seat next to Bella. Then, I picked up a pillow and placed it in the space between us, gently tapping her knee.

"Come on; lift that foot."

A line appeared between Bella's brows. "Edward, that's not-"

"I'm sure they told you to keep the foot iced, compressed, and elevated, correct?"

"Yes," she admitted, "but-"

"Then turn around, and lift your foot."

She didn't budge. Of course not. To someone as faithful as Bella was to...to Mack, her injured foot on my lap would understandably feel wildly inappropriate. With a deep breath, I picked up the items at my side and held them up for Bella's careful inspection.

"It's a compression bandage and an ice pack. You said you wanted to talk, and you said it was a long story, so I figured the bandage might be more comfortable rather than the heavy boot for now, and you can elevate that foot and get your twenty minutes of ice in as well. That's it," I said stiffly. "That's all the doctor in me, whether medical or not, is trying to do here."

"Edward, I'm not trying to imply…" With a heavy sigh, she nodded. "Okay. Thank you. I appreciate it."

"No problem."

Silently, I set to work, wrapping the bandage tightly yet carefully around Bella's ankle. But despite her acquiescence, her discomfort was palpable. Yet, as painful as it was for me to acknowledge, how could I fault her for being so resolute in her fidelity...even when that fidelity wasn't to me? Swallowing thickly, I forced out the words which would speed up her departure.

"So…we can begin whenever you want, Bella. It's getting late, and-"

"I'm sorry; I know you have work to do."

My hands froze around her ankle as I looked up and met Bella's gaze. "That's not at all what I was going to say. I was going to say, it's getting late, and I'm sure you have…" - _Mack_ \- "people waiting for you. If it were _me_ waiting for you, I wouldn't want you wandering around with an injured ankle." I returned to wrapping her ankle.

For another minute or so, Bella remained silent.

"I know I said I had a long story to tell," she eventually whispered, "but can we please finish your part first?"

"The hospital," I murmured.

"I mean before that. Edward, why didn't you tell me I broke your nose?"

I sighed. "What would've been the point, Bella?"

"The point would've been that you promised me the whole story, yet you still kept that to yourself."

"Again, for _what_, Bella? What would've been the point of mentioning that part?"

The mere thought of being at the receiving end of more of her guilt and sympathy made my jaw clench and my nostrils flare. With the bandaging complete, I secured the ends with fasteners and picked up the ice pack, taking out my frustration on it and on my kneecap. Once activated, I gently pressed the ice pack against Bella's ankle and trapped it between her foot and the sectional's back cushion. Only then did I trust myself enough to meet her eyes.

"So that you could show up at my doorstep," I hissed, "and _apologize_ for breaking my nose? Do you think I ever wanted that, Bella – an _apology_ from you?"

"I didn't only-"

"You want to hear something nuts," I scowled, "something I actually did tell you once, but I did it in the most fucked up, clandestine way; made my confessions while taking full advantage of the fact that you didn't remember; that you had _no idea_ what I was confessing. What an asshole," I snorted self-deprecatingly, "and again, I'm so sorry for all my bullshit, but here it is now that you do remember: I would've been _honored _to receive that fracture at your hands that day had I been of any use to you, had I been able to keep you from-"

"But you _were_, Edward."

I shook my head, refusing to accept any more of her pity; of her sympathy.

"It was when Alice spewed that bullshit about keeping things friendly," I spat. "I almost had you, almost calmed you enough to pull you out of there, away from that scene. But then she…and you went for her again, and Jasper grabbed you, and I let go of you to grab him, and…" I exhaled hard.

"And I hit you with my elbow." When she offered me a heart-breakingly pained smile, I had to look away, distracting myself with unnecessary adjustments to the icepack.

"When the cops came, you were in the worst of it."

"Jesus, Edward, don't tell me you blame yourself for that? It was an anxiety attack. There was nothing-"

"Had I held on to you-" I hissed insistently.

"I _broke_ your nose. You were probably bleeding all over the place. And God, _how_ did you even keep that out of the police report?"

My heart pounded. Unnecessarily, I ensured that the ice pack was secure. "You got it?"

When Bella nodded, I stood and quickly strode to the windows. Outside, the city's many lights illuminated the darkened streets. They were like a lighthouse's foghorn, there to guide everyone home. My breaths erupted fast and hard, turning into condensation against the large, cool windows. I traced their erratic pattern.

"When the cops came, I heard them say they were taking you to the hospital…and when another cop tried to take my statement, I told him to fuck off and grabbed a cab to the hospital."

"You didn't even get that fracture examined right away, did you?" Bella choked.

There was no need to reply. She knew the answer.

"I remember you with me," she continued in a whisper, "only vague snippets, but…I remember feeling you there with me."

I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed thickly before exhaling through narrowed lips.

"I found you in triage. They'd sedated you, but you were in and out of it, and you were…frightened." - _'Stay with me, Edward...' - _"So, I stayed with you for a bit," - my voice shook with the memory - "until you went under completely, and then I left. It was just so…" I hung my head and shook it from side to side.

"I was a mess."

In three strides, I returned to her, dropped to my knees, and fisted the cushions on either side of her. When I looked up, Bella took me in through wildly bewildered eyes.

"Jesus, don't you see yet? Not _you_, Bella," I stressed. "The fucking situation was a mess. My father works at that hospital, so it also happened to be where they took Alice to make sure she and…the baby were okay even though you didn't even touch her! I mean, the fucking unfairness. You didn't even touch her!"

As frenzied as I felt, and as equally confused as she'd appeared just half a minute earlier, now Bella held my gaze steadily, with the calm...with the serenity of someone who abruptly understood so much more than she'd understood just moments ago.

"Life's not fair, Edward." She offered me a wistful smile. "But neither is it unfair. I'm only now really…_really_ beginning to see that. Edward, I damaged an underage child's property," her smile turned rueful, "I defaced public property, I threatened a pregnant woman, I physically assaulted my husband, and…."

She swallowed, and when she stretched out a hand and cupped my cheek, my eyes fell shut, branded my her touch, as I'd always be. Slowly, I lifted my hand and wrapped it around hers.

"And I fractured the nose of the only person there who tried to help me. I had a breakdown, and because of that breakdown, I learned to cope, and I reclaimed my life, and I met a host of amazing people. I met...and re-met you."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and reopened my eyes. "_You_ are amazing. You broke my nose, but I will never, ever," I choked, "regret being there for you if my presence offered you the least bit comfort. So, if that's the case, then the broken...nose...was more than worth it."

A solitary tear skimmed Bella's smooth cheek, and her next words erupted in a strangled whisper. "And there…is the biggest metaphor of all, because we're not talking about your nose at all, are we?"

Snorting, I shook my head. There was no point in denying it. Bella saw through me. She _knew_ my absolute truth. For an eternal moment, we held one another's gaze, her hand still cradling my cheek. When she leaned in slowly, her eyes on mine until she was too close...her lips brushed my lips and it was that same _semi_-heaven.

And yes, I half feared my heart might explode right out of my chest. But Jesus, I did _not_ want her guilt nor her sympathy. As warm as her lips felt, as soft, as perfect...as much as I loved her and needed her, I would never want those emotions to be the ones that led her lips to mine. Yet, that hopeful part of me, the one I'd never managed to completely suppress now stubbornly shouted in my head...

"Because you broke my nose?" I breathed against her mouth.

"No," she exhaled, lips still brushing mine, feathering agonizingly sweet yet heartrending kisses back and forth. "No."

The hopeful voice shouted louder, begged to be allowed to believe. In turn, the cognitive part of me still functioning, the one who refused to be governed by bare, primitive longing begged it to understand...to focus...to _recall_ that there were more factors, more individuals involved here than just Bella and me. It took greater mental and physical fortitude than I'd ever imagined using to overrule that primal instinct...and pull away from Bella's kisses.

I held her gaze steadily. "What about your boyfriend?"

Bella sighed, but then, something akin to a teasing smile lit up her face. "Do you want to know what my book is about?"

Once again, that wasn't what I'd expected from her at that moment - not at all. Nevertheless, for years, I'd ached to know what Bella wrote whenever I encountered her, hands moving swiftly over her keyboard in rapt focus in that coffee shop. There was no way I could do anything but nod.

"It's a complicated plotline," she dove in, "but basically, it revolves around star-crossed lovers. However, by the end of the story, she saves the world, and they're no longer star-crossed. Edward, I wasn't ready for you two years ago," she cried quietly, "and I wasn't ready for you a year ago either."

"I know," I whispered, my voice coming out strangled. "And I'm sorry about how I-"

Turning over the hand she still held against my cheek, Bella weaved her fingers through mine and squeezed.

"You've already apologized, Edward, and while I maintain you should've told me, it was a fucked-up situation all around. But I wasn't ready, and it wouldn't have worked out whether you'd told me or not."

I nodded, because yes, I'd figured that last part out a while ago, through my own painful dreams. Yet, that damn voice kept shouting, blaring with something like an air horn into every corner of my mind; threatening to drown out sanity, to obliterate sense...and every doubt along with it as it claimed that...there was more.

"And now?" I asked shakily, terrified to hope yet possibly even more terrified not to.

"Now…now, I trust myself in a way I didn't then. And because I trust myself, I can trust you, and I can see…I can see…" As she searched for the next words, the right words, Bella's gaze swept past my shoulder, over to the windows behind me. All the while, my pulse raced, my temples throbbed. "I see that just as you extrapolated and fell in love with me That Day, on the day a year ago when I met you – or rather, re-met you," she smiled, "some part of me remembered that you were the one there for me in that lobby and in the hospital. It's why I opened up to you in a way I hadn't opened up to anyone." When she met my eyes, I read the next words in her gaze even before she spoke them, and I drew in a deep, lungful of air.

"It was because I was half in love with you as well, Edward."

I exhaled heavily, in utter and total surrender. "Bella..."

"I was half in love with you, but I wasn't ready for you."

The rest of the declaration came out through quiet tears intermingled with smiles and erratic breaths - on both sides.

"We were star-crossed, and subconsciously, I knew it, so it poured out in the words I wrote. And afterward, I buried your file, but I couldn't erase it. So, I tried replacing it with another file…" Bella shook her head. "Edward, Brady and I broke up yesterday."

_Brady?_

My brow furrowed. "Brady?"

"My boyfriend. My _ex_-boyfriend," she clarified.

For a brief fraction of a moment, I acknowledged the fact that somewhere, I'd obviously gotten something massively wrong. But it was an extremely brief fraction of a moment because the entire observation was moot; Brady, Mack, whatever his name was, was now...an _ex_-boyfriend.

"_Brady_," I murmured almost to myself. Then, I looked up. "You broke up."

Bella nodded slowly, holding my gaze, her dark eyes sparkling with happiness and with those shed and unshed tears.

And on the heels of that quick moment of clarification, another observation...the most important realization of all completely freed the voice struggling in my head. The voice shouted; he erupted in unmitigated joy; he exploded in boundless...unimaginable...everlasting...and mind-blowing triumph into every crevice in my system.

"And…you love me."

"Yes, Edward. Yes." The words expelled themselves from Bella forcefully, as if relieved to finally be let loose as well, simultaneously spoken with a sense of pure confidence and contentment that somehow seemed to match my own. "I love you."

_I love you._

"Then, that's all I need to hear."

Pushing myself off my knees, I hovered above her for a fraction of a moment. Yet, it was one of those forever moments, one of those unforgettable moments, while I waited for her nod. And when she did, in that portion of my mind that would always...always place her first, I made sure I nudged her sweet foot aside before I crushed my mouth to hers.

When I did, we were no longer in merely a _semi_-heaven.

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon. :)**


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts!**

**So sorry I haven't had a chance to get back to your thoughts, but RL is kicking my butt these days, and unfortunately, sometimes, I've got to pick between review replies and updating. :) But please know I read and appreciate every single one!**

**We're getting there! And as I've said, this story will expand a bit beyond where Break left off. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

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**Broken – Chapter 24**

Bella…and me…

At first, our mouths met with tender brushstrokes, with whispers and touches meant to mutually reassure, my hands gently cradling her beautiful face while her hands anchored themselves on my shoulders. We met breath for breath.

"You love me, Bella?"

"Yes, Edward. Yes, I love you, and thank you…for waiting for me."

"Always...I would've waited for always."

"Edward…"

"Bella…God…God…I can't…I can't…" They were strangled, barely-there words murmured into the air, while my heart attempted to escape my chest and climb into hers; words expelled in half-formed thoughts, breathed simultaneously to the soothing declarations she made while her warm lips skimmed upward and grazed my eyelids, ghosted over my cheeks, shifted back and forth against my jawline, and with a smile…tapped my nose.

"I always saw these green eyes in my dreams…always wanted to feel this stubble…wanted to kiss this jawline…adored this perfectly imperfect nose even before I knew why. I've loved everything about you for so long, and I'm sorry it took me until now to admit to either one of us."

"Shh. Stop." With my mouth on hers, I silenced any more needless apologies. "I don't care. I don't care how long it took. You're here now. Jesus, you're _here_."

My hands slid into her hair, and I pulled her closer, deepening our connection. In response, Bella gripped my shoulders harder, anxiously opening her mouth to me. I groaned at her eagerness and yes, at the heat emanating off of her, at the quiet whimpers she emitted at the base of her throat while our tongues moved together. They were sounds I'd never heard her make and sounds my imagination could've never approximated no matter how hard it tried. And it tried hard.

Because here's the thing: I'd be a bold-faced liar if I said I hadn't often dreamed of making love to Bella.

From the very beginning; from those nights on assignment back in Costa Rica, mere days after the events which occurred in that lobby, back in those days when everything in my head was still a jumbled mess; even then, I'd dreamed of being with Bella like this.

In the beginning, memories of my 'That Day' would mix and meld with memories of her 'That Day':

Bella rushing past me into the lobby; shapely legs in heels clacking against the sidewalk's concrete, then pounding the lobby's marble; her ensuing screams as she handed Jasper and my sister more than they'd bargained for when they planned their escapade; the fire backlighting her dark, tempestuous eyes as she stood her ground like an avenging angel; my arms around her waist as I tried to keep her from harm; and…at the hospital, when she was sedated – her languorous sighs, my name whispered on a lethargic, barely-aware breath.

All these pieces played a part in those first, involuntary, nocturnal fantasies. I'd close my eyes in the evenings, mentally and physically drained from a long day in the field and too tired to realize she was _still_ there, in my head, lingering in my dormant thoughts. But, at night…

At night, my mind traveled to subconscious, nondescript and dark places where seemingly without premise, Bella's naked body was flush against mine as I lay on top of her, thrusting in and out. Here, I held her by the waist while she cradled my hips tightly between her shapely legs. In those wild dreams, Bella would gaze up at me through dark, fiery eyes, arching her back and alternating between screaming or sighing my name. And in these inventive replays of our entwined past, those few words we spoke to one another in the hospital took on wildly different meanings from what they'd meant on That Day:

"Edward…stay with me…"

"Bella…I've got you…"

I'd wake up from those blood-pumping, bewildering, yet vividly realistic dreams drenched in sweat, with a vague sense of guilt for where my latent thoughts had wandered…but rock hard, and for hours afterward, unable to sleep or lie on my stomach.

The dreams subsided once I returned to the U.S., only to return after that first encounter with Bella at the coffee shop. Each subsequent encounter increased their frequency, diminished the sense of guilt once associated with them, and instead provided a variety of scenarios for how Bella and I would initiate our fantasy encounters that night. For example, after a visit to the coffee shop, or after a stroll through the city, or after an early morning run…

Again, I'd be lying if I said the dreams completely ended with the abrupt end of Bella's and my friendship. The yearlong break in our relationship may have curtailed the frequency of the dreams, but it did nothing to diminish their graphic explicitness. In fact, every single time I dreamed we made love, I woke up and stared at the ceiling, blood racing into every extremity. I throbbed painfully from what I believed was a good approximation of the heat and constriction of being buried inside of Bella. I imagined the sweet taste of my tongue circling her belly-button. I assumed I knew what her screams and sighs as she came would sound like.

Now, I was beginning to realize that all those dreams had been nothing more than a wildly abstract representation, an uninformed fantasy…a lonely man's sad substitute for reality. Because never, not in my wildest fantasies, had I been able to approximate the sensations Bella already engendered in me…or how hard she already had me.

And with reassurances given…accepted…believed…the air around us seemed to suddenly shift. The city lights shone brighter through the large, industrial windows, and Bella's hands tugged me closer, fisted my hair, tongue dancing frenziedly, and I swallowed it up with a hunger two years in the making.

"I love you. I love you, Bella," I repeated in between kisses.

"I love you too, Edward." She shifted, pulled me flush against her and rested us both horizontally on the seat cushions. And those legs…those legs I'd dreamed of for so long wrapped themselves around my thighs as she ground against my hard-on.

"I don't want to hurt you. Your foot…"

She chuckled impishly. "My foot's all the way down there, and you won't hurt me. _Ohhh_…"

I thrust my hips, and the city and its lights disappeared. I pushed and she pulled and all that existed was her warm body moving against mine, her hands in my hair, her soft whimpers in my mouth...and the thin layers between us.

"I always knew you'd fit like this. I knew…"

"I know now. We're a puzzle."

"We are," I smiled against my mouth.

"In every way."

"We are." The taste of her neck, a thousand times better than in my dreams. Her collarbone…indescribable…the arch of her back, sharper…

"Edward…" My name breathed in pleasure, and every hair on me stood on end…hardened me all the more.

My mouth dragged past her collarbone…stopped at the top button of her blouse…

"May I…?"

"Yes…yes…"

My fingers desperately, clumsily unbuttoned yet somehow got the job done. But, my mouth was too greedy to continue without a taste…and lips molded around a hardened nipple.

"_Ohhh…"_

My fingers found the front clasp.

"May I…?"

"Yes…yes…"

Unclasping…pushing aside…incomplete thoughts swirling while my mouth swirled…holy…so soft…heart-pounding...wrapped around a soft mound and then the other…her sighs…like relief, and no; no approximation.

"So soft. I knew…"

"Edward…Edward…" She breathed, pulling my hair, moving against me.

"I love you…"

"I love you too…please…please…"

One soft kiss to her quickly-beating heart. "Are you sure? I've waited for you for so long; I can wait longer." True; difficult to say, but true.

In contrast, her reply was firm and sure, while already pulling at the drawstring to my sweatpants.

"I don't want to wait."

In the space between her perfect breasts, where her heart pounded, I expelled a series of successive sighs. "Okay. Okay."

My hand dropped between us, fumbled with the buttons to her pants. The next couple of minutes were a frenzy of ridding one another of clothing, until finally, Bella lay under me, completely bare…and Jesus, no, there was no goddamn approximation.

"You're even more beautiful like this than I ever imagined."

She offered me a languid smile. "You imagined me like this?"

"_So_ many times," I acknowledged with a grin. A finger instinctively traced the perimeter of one nipple, then the other. "But not well enough. For example, these sweet freckles you have…I could've never imagined these."

Bella chuckled softly. "You're insane."

When she sighed, our eyes met, and for one, long moment, we gazed at one another wordlessly, and I committed the moment to memory. It was one of those everlasting moments: the moment before the first time I made love to Bella.

I was about to ask a question when her hand reached upward, and one fingernail traced the intertwined eagles on my chest. The question was instantly forgotten, and I hissed sharply while my stomach muscles contracted.

"What's good for the goose…" Bella smiled impishly before finally, _finally_ asking the question that had burned in her eyes so many times when we ran together.

"What is it?"

"The Celtic symbol for strength and health."

"I should've known," she snorted.

"I was always waiting for you to ask," I grinned.

We chuckled together, but not for long because by then my erection was becoming painful. While Bella's fingernail and gaze continued their maddening exploration, trailing lower and across my abs, teasing past my groin and down to my thigh, I swallowed and forced myself to recall what I'd been about to say.

"Bella, I've got condoms up-"

Her finger stopped, and as her eyes flashed back up to mine, she rested her palm flat against my thigh.

"Edward, _I_ don't need you to wear one."

For an instant, my heart stopped because there are certain lessons you're taught – or should be taught early on in life:

Say 'please' and 'thank you.'

Be mindful of other people's feelings.

Wear a condom when you have sex with someone for the first time and/or when you're unclear about your partner's sexual history. _Love_ should have no bearing on this. What's more, my career at the CDC meant that a lesson such as this one should've been ingrained into my psyche.

"Are you sure?" I asked, even as I nudged her legs apart.

Because my eyes were wide open, and the consequences of my actions were clear. My entire life had taught me the consequences: Disease. Pregnancy. Yet, I knew Bella well enough to know that the first consequence wasn't a possibility or she wouldn't have suggested it. She was faithful; she was responsible.

As for the second possibility…

Hovering above her while I waited for her answer, Bella offered me a wistful smile. "It's not like I'm going to get pregnant."

And as I gripped her hips, I confessed one more truth. "I wouldn't even…Bella, I wouldn't mind."

Her hand cradled my cheek, eyes locked on mine, and I pushed…

Later on, while Bella lay asleep in my arms, I'd grin up at the ceiling as I recalled how..._wrong_ I'd been about so much.

We exhaled into one another's mouths, hers was the sweetest moan while mine was the guttural groan of a man who'd been searching…searching, and _finally_ reached his haven; a haven which was more sheltering, warmer, and more welcoming than the man could've ever hoped for. I dropped my head in the sweet surrender of being hers, of being owned by her, while Bella's back arched and claimed me.

Then, instinct took over.

Loud cries abruptly filled the loft, mixed with subdued car horns, ambulance sirens and vague voices beyond the windows. She wrapped her legs tightly around my waist, while our hips moved together in addictive friction. There was no build-up, no search for our mutual rhythm because it simply was, and it grew exponentially. We alternated between loud groans and silent bewilderment because _holy fuck._

So we chased that rhythm with primordial, instinctive thrusts and intuitive actions. I lifted her uninjured leg over my forearm, and Bella's mouth fell open, for a few seconds making no sound before she released a cry of pure…unadulterated…pleasure. In turn, she reached between us and cupped me, and I cursed harshly up at the ceiling, squeezing my eyes shut to keep from passing out from the overwhelming bombardment of want.

We wanted it, and Jesus, did we chase it.

I chased it with my mouth on hers, with my tongue on her neck, with my teeth around her nipples. Bella chased it with her nails down my back, biting down on my lower lip, hands curved around my backside.

I pulled her hands above her head.

She dug her fingers into my shoulders.

We whispered half-sentences we understood perfectly.

"So good…never…so good…"

"I know...so hard...please…faster…"

And when she squeezed me from the inside, so tight I could barely breathe, I gripped her hips and together we burned until we were ashes floating in the fucking clouds for what I was sure was an eternity.

Afterward, we shared soft, languid kisses totally incongruous with the previous few minutes.

"I love you so damn much," she breathed tiredly.

I smiled against her mouth. "I love you too."

When she turned in my arms, I pulled her against my chest and swept her hair aside, ghosting kisses against her damp neck, back and forth. I inhaled the indescribable scent of our lovemaking lingering in the air until it slowly faded. Then, when Bella's even breaths let me know she'd drifted, I pulled the throw off the top of the couch, cocooned us in it, and grinned up at the ceiling.

No; imagination had never been my strong suit. That was always Bella's realm. I dealt much better with the tangible. _This_...Bella, finally in my arms, finally mine, and fast asleep after our love-making…_this_ was tangible.

OOOOO

She awoke about an hour later, with one long breath and a sigh, molding her body around mine. The action instantly made me hard, and as she angled her head sideways and smiled, taking me in peripherally, she purposely pushed herself against my groin.

"Mmm. Now, that was a nice nap."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." I kissed her nape and gripped her hips. "Now, stay still if you want to nap some more."

"Maybe I don't want to nap some more."

I chuckled lowly. "Bella, stay with me tonight. I'll carry you upstairs to bed."

"I can walk." I heard the smile in her voice. "But I'll have to text Mack."

My hands stiffened around her hips. My mouth stopped moving against the back of her neck.

And all the while, Bella rocked against me, drawing in deep sighs of contentment. With wary apprehension, I lifted my head and forced myself to ask.

"Who…is Mack again?"

"My roommate," she replied, sighing, nestling deeper into me. "Otherwise, she'll worry."

'_Otherwise, she'll worry.'_

_She'll worry._

_She._

In my memory, I replayed that early morning phone conversation from about a week earlier; specifically, the line I'd overheard Bella breezily utter as she left her apartment, a line which had tortured me ever since for what I assumed it implied:

'_See you later, Mack!'_

She lived with Mack…but Mack was a _she._

God, I'd gotten so much wrong; enough to make me wonder how the hell I was so successful at my career. But, I only vaguely wondered because Bella was in my arms, and when I wrapped them around her midsection, she weaved her fingers through mine.

"All right, Bella." Chuckling, I drew in a deep breath and released it against her neck, watching the fine hairs there stand on end. With a kiss to her temple, I dropped my head against the cushions again and allowed myself to enjoy a tangible moment I, once again, could've never imagined.

"All right."

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**Chapter Song Rec: **_**Chasing Cars**_** by Snow Patrol**

"**See" you soon.**


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N: So, this is what happened guys. I was trying to get a nice, long chapter out to hold everyone over while I'm gone next week (I'm taking a short jaunt across the pond to London and Paris, but more on that in the closing A/N, if you're interested), and long story short, HALF of the damn chapter got erased. When I say I almost cried, I'm not joking. Anyway (sigh), rather than not update at all, I managed a short update I worked from memory. Hope it brings at least a little smile to you guys today. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

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**Broken - Chapter 25**

I awoke with a smile, a racing heart, and a vague vision in my head of Bella and me. We were trying to make our way up the winding, narrow staircase to my bedroom, while wrapped together and naked under a throw. Bella's right foot, for some unknown reason, was injured, and every time I attempted to pick her up and carry her up the steps, she pushed me off. Every time, we ended up sitting on the steps, laughing and kissing and trying not to fall and break our necks.

"Hmm, Bella," I hummed in sleepy contentment.

In the next moment, the smile withered, and my racing heart abruptly stopped. Had I...had I actually dreamed it all? Was the entire evening just another one of my dreams of Bella?

Without question, this dream had been the best one ever, both in content and realism because not only had Bella and I made love, which we usually did in my dreams, but I could still feel her wrapped around me...could feel the heat deep inside of her, and it was a heat unlike _anything_ I'd ever felt in any of my previous dreams. What was more, there was an actual narrative that preceded the act, which was a first. The truth was that usually, my dreams of making love to Bella began in the middle. But in this dream, we'd somehow found a way to overcome the myriad of obstacles to _us_, and we were no longer…what was it she'd called us in the dream?

Star-crossed lovers.

For that handful of terrifying seconds, before a sense of touch or smell or any other sense could penetrate the groggy state of mind between wakefulness and sleep, my heart clenched, and my lungs-

Something, or rather, _someone_ stirred beside me. A mane of silky hair brushed my chest. I smelled the sweet, incomparable scent of the woman lying naked beside me, and when Bella turned in my arms and met my gaze through dark, hypnotic eyes, I knew I wasn't dreaming. My imagination just wasn't that good. For a long while, we gazed at one another as if we were mutually amazed to wake and find that we weren't dreaming. When Bella shifted and sat up next to me, the blankets slipped off of her and revealed a goddess highlighted by moving headlights and streetlamps. And when without a word, she straddled me, I gripped her hips and slowly eased her down, hissing sharply when I found myself sheathed completely by her incomparable heat once more.

And no, it wasn't a dream.

Bella threw back her head, and for one long moment, other than for our mutually heavy breaths, neither one of us moved a muscle as we savored the initial connection. Then, with a deep breath, she met my eyes, braced herself on my chest, and began a slow, sensuous dance above me, which I complied with. Her long hair cascaded down her back, undulating like a dark waterfall in the moonlight and mimicking her body's rhythmic ebb and flow. With my hands curved around her hips, I helped her rise and fall around me, and at the same time, I committed it all to memory; the way she alternated between arching her back and taking me deeper, then leaning forward and seeking my tongue. And watching her ride me...it was the purest yet most erotic sight I'd ever witnessed. This time, unlike our loud lovemaking on the couch, Bella's cries were muted susurrations, whispered sighs of pleasure, while I groaned quietly into her mouth. After a timeless moment, her rocking picked up pace...she bounced harder...and when she ground her hips so tightly to mine that there was no beginning or end to us, we both threw back our heads and came together - Bella, with a strangled cry of ecstasy, and me...with a silent plea to the heavens that I be granted the privilege of making love to this woman for the rest of my damn life.

Afterward, she fell asleep on top of me, her head on my chest and every part of our body still connected. I pulled the blankets around us, and we drifted away surrounded by the lingering heat and scent of us.

I awoke a short while later to a different scene. Something was vibrating close to my ear, humming like an annoying insect. Bella's back was now tucked against my chest. Her backside was pressed tightly to my groin. Our legs were tangled and our hands weaved together over her stomach. Somehow, she'd ended up with all the blankets, while I laid naked beside her - which was fine. The heat radiating off of her body was enough. As content, sated, and warm as I was, searching out the source of the annoying vibration was not something I was anxious to do.

Yet, just like an annoying insect, the vibrating continued. Eyes still closed, I sighed as my mind began the instinctive extrapolation:

There was a crate next to my bed, turned over a bunch of medical books. The crate acted as a makeshift nightstand. On top of this nightstand, I had only a lamp and my cell phone. Lamps tended not to vibrate. That left the cell phone.

_"Fuck me,"_ I breathed in frustration.

"I did." Bella sighed and turned her head sideways, eyes still closed. "Twice. So, so good, but tired now."

Chuckling softly, I brushed my lips against her soft cheek. "Then rest," I whispered.

"K. Love you, Edward."

I inhaled deeply, and a broad smile spread across my face at hearing her say those words so easily, and even while more than half-asleep. Meanwhile, Bella released my hands for a moment to pull the blankets tighter around her shoulders, then re-weaved her fingers through mine. She kicked her legs, got my shins once or twice, and with one more long breath, she settled into sleep once more.

And all the while, the vibrating continued. With a much less satisfied sigh, I reached behind me and picked up my cell phone.

"Yeah?"

"Fucking hell, man. I've been calling and texting you for the better part of an hour! You did _not_ drink enough last night for you to have passed out. I was there. So what's going on?"

It took me a couple of seconds to reply. In the ensuing silence, I could hear Bella's soft, rhythmic breaths behind me, as well as the louder city noises over the cell phone of wherever Em was calling from.

"What's going on?"

"You know what? Never mind," Emmett said. "You saw the approvals, right?"

"The approvals?"

"Yes! The approvals! From the FDA! You saw them come through, right? They just need your John Hancock, and we'll be ready for full production immediately! Woo-hoo! And that also means those trial vaccines back at the lab are viable, and we can innoculate ourselves tomorrow morning, so the anti-virus can kick in before we're out in the field next month. We don't want to run the risk of there being a shortage. You know what they say, Protect yourself first so you can protect others.'"

"Uhm..." I scrubbed a hand down my face. "Okay. Good. Good. This is all good. I'll take a look at the documents now, double-check that everything's in order, and I'll give you a call if I-"

"Yeah, I know you'll give me a call, which usually means if you don't sleep, I won't sleep." He chuckled. "But you're in luck. I was still up, and admittedly a bit hungover, so rather than going home and passing out, and having you banging on my door when I don't answer your Skype calls, I figured I'd save myself the trouble and come banging at your door instead."

"What?"

"I figured I'd let you make some coffee, and see if the tediousness of repetitious paperwork can stave off the building headache. I'm around the corner."

"What? Around the corner?"

"_Panita_, seriously. What the hell are you on? You're never this slow, even at two in the morning. Anyway, I'm here. Ring me up. I'm freezing my balls-"

"Edward...babe...everything okay?"

Bella turned over half-way, eyes still closed, and I leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Everything's fine. Promise. Go back to sleep."

"K." She burrowed deeper under the covers, kicked her legs, and fell into an even breathing pattern once more.

And all the while, Emmett was silent.

"I've got all these crazy scenarios running through my head," he finally said, "from you finally giving in to poor, love-lorn Maria, to you having met some random woman while my back was turned and before you left the bar, to the return of marriage-ready and Dentist-at-large Kate, to...well...no, likely not that one. Either way, none of those scenarios make any sense."

I grinned to myself. "Em, I'll pull up the paperwork right now, and I'll text you if I have-"

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No way in hell am I letting you change the subject this time, fucker. What, or rather _who_ was that?"

"Just make sure you don't pass out from that hangover and keep your phone handy in case-"

"_Te jodiste, panita_. You're screwed, buddy, _porque_ for once, I've got the upper _mano_. Hah!" He shouted so loudly I heard him through the windows, and between that and his heavy Spanglish, I knew he was pretty drunk. "_Dime_ who's there, or _yo no voy a contestar_ when you call me. I will _not_ answer that phone, fucker. That's a _promesa."_

"Em, remind me how old are you again?"

He chuckled unapologetically. "Ed, for once, make this easy for both of us, and just tell me who-

"It's Bella, of course," I smirked. "Who else would it be, Em?"

Another long moment of silence ensued.

"Who else, indeed?" he finally murmured. "_Panita_...buddy...wow."

"Emmett-"

"I mean, when I heard a woman's voice, I figured it had to be...but then you made it sound like such an impossibility..."

"Yeah," I raked a hand through my hair, "because I thought it was. But apparently, I was wrong, about a few things actually."

"Wow," he breathed.

"Yeah."

"You were wrong," he chuckled heartily. "Holy shit, I love that."

I rolled my eyes. "That's what you got from this?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon for you, dude, but you. were. wrong."

"I'm hanging up."

"You said you extrapolated, and there was _no chance_ your extrapolations were wrong. HAH!" Again, I heard him through the windows. "You said you studied the macro picture - the live-in boyfriend, your past ommissions about your crazy-ass sister, etc. And what did _I_ say?"

"Goodbye, Emmett."

"_I_ said you needed to focus on the micro parts. _I_ told you that the way Bella looked at you...the fact that _she_ contacted _you_...that she was seeking you out, it all meant something. Hah! You know what this means, right?"

"What?" I asked, already regretting the question.

"This proves it once and for all that the micro is more important than the micro! HAH!"

"Seriously, goodbye," I said, but I was grinning too.

"Wait, wait, wait, _panita_!" Emmett laughed hard. "Seriously, I'm...good for you, man," he said much more soberly. "I guess sometimes good things do come to those who wait. And man, did you wait. Makes me hopeful for me someday."

"Em...the way I feel right now..." I swallowed, while an image ran through my head of Bella and I making love just a short while earlier. There was something she'd said.

'_It's not as if I'm going to get pregnant.'_

I smiled to myself as I pictured the dark-haired newborn I'd imagined a few weeks earlier, the one I'd imagined sick with the flu strain, only this time, I pictured him as healthy and strong.

"I've got enough hope for the whole world, and I'm hopeful for things I never dared hope for."

"A CDC Epidemiologist overflowing with hope? Not sure those are allowed. What will you do with yourself when the world is eradicated by a disease, the way we've already agreed will happen?"

I chuckled heartily at that dim view we usually shared. "It's not going to happen tonight, Em. Not tonight. And on that note-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, amusement still dancing in his voice. "On that note, I'm going to let you go. Knowing you, you're still going to take a look at those documents, even with your woman's warm body next to you. So go ahead, and give me a call if you need to double-check anything. I'll make my own damn coffee and try to stay awake."

"Okay, thanks," I smiled.

"And then afterward, though I'm sure you already have, make love to your woman, dude, cuz you've been celibate for far too fucking long."

"Asshole."

As I disconnected the call, I could hear his roaring laughter. The sound continued through the windows even after I hung up. And with quiet chuckles of my own, I turned to my woman. Bella was fast asleep, her lips slightly parted in her slumber. And unable to resist, I leaned in and kissed them softly.

"Love you, Bella," I breathed, not expecting a reply

"Love you too, Edward. So much," she breathed in return, then kept sleeping.

And squeezing my eyes shut, reopening them, and reassuring myself she was _still there_, I forced myself out of our warm bed to grab my laptop and get to work.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**So, I will be MIA for the next week or so. I'm leaving tonight for a last-minute trip to England and France. Yay for me! It'll be very quick, under a week, and between doing the touristy things in London and Paris, I'll also be attending a 50th wedding anniversary in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, England.**

**For those of you familiar with 'The Cullen Legacy,' you might recall that Leigh-on-Sea was the coastal town where Bella hailed from in that story, and where she lived with Ellie before Edward knew of Ellie's existence. My sister-in-law grew up there, and I'd visited there with her long ago, but it's been a long time since I've been back. I'm looking forward to exploring the town again, and I'll try to take lots of pictures and post them on Facebook if anyone is interested. :)**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon. :)**


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: I'm back!**

**So, as some of you know, I just returned from a whirlwind trip through Europe. If you follow me on facebook, I'll be posting pics and some silly observations soon. **

**Thanks so much, guys, for all your wonderful thoughts. I wanted to make this chapter longer, but I've got the kiddies and hubby waiting for me, so we'll have to leave off here for now. It's pretty long as it is anyway, lol.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 26**

* * *

For the next couple of hours, I sat up in bed with the laptop propped on my legs and Skyped back and forth with Emmett. We reviewed the FDA's final decision and findings on the H5N2 anti-viral, and after each document that I read and subsequently added my electronic signature to, I breathed a sigh of relief because we finally seemed to be on the right track. So far, there were no major setbacks impeding our progress.

Further proving the rightness of the track my life had suddenly taken, the most wonderful woman in the world slept soundly next to me. Every couple of minutes, in between reading and signing, I snuck reassuring glances and sighed at the sight of Bella, lying in _my_ bed. If I had to be completely honest, these sighs were even more pronounced than the satisfied sighs at having an FDA-approved anti-viral in hand. What that said of my priorities at the moment didn't concern me in the least bit. I was taking care of one priority, and the other...Jesus, I could finally claim the other priority as truly _mine_.

I reveled in the even rise and fall of Bella's chest, watching her sleep as if she hadn't a care in the world, as if she was in the middle of the best damn dream of her life. I smiled to myself at the faint smile she wore, and I wondered what subconscious thoughts made her smile that way? Was she dreaming of me...of us? I chuckled under my breath every time she kicked me in her sleep, which was often. I'd have to guard my shins in the future. I snorted at the fact that she'd ended up with all the covers, which was fine because her body radiated more than enough heat to keep me comfortable. Then, I recalled she was completely naked under those covers, and I remembered how she'd felt...how _I'd_ felt buried deep inside her just a couple of short hours earlier, while she rode me and-

And the laptop's ping interrupted my internal musings.

**Hello? Ed, I've been waiting for an answer for ten minutes. It doesn't take that long to give a yes or a no. What are you doing? Wait, are you...you're not otherwise engaged, are you?**

**Emmett, you've been waiting for my reply for thirty seconds, and what I'm doing - not that it's your business - is double-checking before I reply to you, so that I can provide a correct answer to your question. **

**Bullshit. The answer to what I asked is something you know off the bat, without having to double-check a damn thing. Otherwise, I could've doublechecked myself without asking YOU. Dude, if tonight's uncharacteristic snail speed of yours isn't because you're simultaneously making love to Bella while reviewing these documents, then it's because you're staring at her while she sleeps next to you, and you're daydreaming about making love to her. Either way, you can give her your full attention, and I can get to sleep a lot sooner if you FOCUS ON THE DOCUMENTS IN FRONT OF YOU!**

**You're an asshole.**

**Hah! That's not a denial! So, which of the two above-mentioned scenarios was I right about?**

After that, I challenged myself to get to the end of a document or of an attachment or of a signature line before allowing myself a peek at Bella, so I wouldn't have to read shit from Emmett. I turned my peeks and glances at Bella, in my bed, into a sort of a game, or a reward for getting to the end of a task.

Emmett and I had just signed off on the last document when Bella stretched out next to me. She kicked at the covers while concurrently kicking my shins. When she opened her dark eyes and looked up, the smile that lit up her face as if she was absolutely overjoyed at finding me beside her...fuck if that wasn't the best reward of all.

"Sorry if I woke you." I offered her a rueful smile. "I just had to send something out to Emmett before he came knocking on my door at sun-up."

Bella chuckled, and the sleepy quality of her voice made the sound unintentionally husky. "The booster vaccine?"

I shut the laptop. "Mhm. It's ready and FDA-sanctioned. Just needed to sign off on some stuff."

"My nerdy scientist." As Bella's drowsy eyes held mine, I wondered if she had any clue of what it did to me when she called me _hers, _or how, that combined with the raw emotion making her dark eyes sparkle left me struggling in a suspended and continuous sense of semi-disbelief.

Because_ how_ had we gotten here when just twenty-four hours earlier, I'd given up on such an outcome? Yes, she'd given me the macro-picture:

Bella's subconscious had held on to latent memories of my presence on That Day. When we re-met a year later, those dormant memories, combined with the new moments we created together, began to morph into love. But it was a love which, at the time, and once she discovered my lies, was weaved together with too many painful memories to be healthy for her. So, she'd try to suppress that love, to replace it with another relationship, which perhaps at face value, appeared a better option. Another year passed, and as she developed friendships, rediscovered herself, and understood herself better, she developed trust in herself once more - something she'd needed to do on her own. At that point, she was ready to trust others again...and to forgive me.

That was the _macro_-picture.

What I still didn't know were the details, the micro-parts of the picture which led her to my door last evening - with an injured ankle no less. Though I'd never admit it to Emmett, he was right; the micro-parts of the picture mattered just as much.

While all these thoughts raced through my mind, Bella and I continued holding one another's gaze. When she released a long, breathy sigh, the silvery lamplight illuminated the way the ivory covers rose and fell with her shoulders, like a whitewater wave along a dark stream. It was all so damn dream-like.

"What are you thinking?" she murmured.

I reached out and touched her hair, smiling to myself as I skimmed my fingers gently through the long strands, reassuring myself. I inhaled the unparalleled sweet scent in the air, which was purely Bella, reassuring myself. And all the while, I averted my gaze as I thought through my reply because I was _still_ in disbelief, and that part of it, at least, was losing its luster. As thrilled as I was, I knew myself; this accompanying bewilderment, this discomfiting incredulity would not only remain but begin eating at me until I had the complete picture.

"I'm thinking about how massively fucked up it would be if I woke up in the morning…" Swallowing, I gathered my courage and met her gaze, "if I woke up and this was all just another dream."

Bella's breath left her in a long rush of air. "Edward…" She shifted quickly, leaning into me and brushing her lips against the closest part of me she could reach - my thigh. The action was meant to soothe, and it did; it did. It also engendered the most amazing juxtaposition of relief versus frenzy, reassurance and a quickened pulse, all while awakening more physiological reactions. I hissed as every hair on my thighs stood on end and blood raced wildly into every extremity, and yeah, while I hardened into a steel pipe.

But when her eyes met mine once again, I forced those base, reflexive reactions to the foreground. We _had_ to talk.

Bella's own confessions poured out in a whisper. "I dreamed of you too, Edward, even if my conscious mind wasn't always ready to remember the dreams. But my subconscious never forgot it was you. And if you're dreaming now..." she smiled, "so am I, and it's the best dream of my life, and I don't want it to ever end."

And just like that, the woman excited and calmed me all the more. "Then, neither of us better wake up."

"Good idea. And by the way, you didn't wake me - or rather, you did but not with your laptop." She expelled a long, cat-like yawn, stretching her arms and kicking her legs around yet again, loosening the blankets around her all the more so that they fell below her navel and exposed her smooth midsection and her plump breasts. "Since my divorce, I've grown used to having the bed all to myself."

Once again, my thoughts ran in two conflicting directions:

The first - it would seem the reason Bella kicked around and hogged the covers so much was because she was used to having the bed all to herself. Beyond the relief of that extrapolation, there was the second fact - her breasts were begging me to touch them, resting so close to me, pink nipples firm and hard.

I carelessly plopped the laptop onto the crate beside my bed and sank down into the covers with Bella, pulling her warm body against mine. Her soft breasts pushed against my chest, and she giggled, giggles which turned to moans when I kissed her and stroked them.

But we _had_ to talk.

Pulling away enough so that my erection was no longer pressed against her stomach, I slid my hands down and molded them around her backside instead, ghosting the rounded swells and trying my damndest to ignore what was becoming a painful throbbing between my legs.

"How much of an immature, thirty-five-year-old jerk would I be if I admitted that I kind of love knowing that?"

"Knowing what, Edward? That despite the relationship I was in," she held my gaze somewhat warily, "he never slept over, and I never slept over...Edward, he and I...but I haven't spent a full night in a man's bed since I was married. And I don't know why I'm telling you these things."

Of course, I understood what she was hesitantly telling me. Again, I'd be lying to myself if I pretended it wasn't painful to hear, but I'd already accepted the fact that Bella was in a mature relationship with someone else. Instead, I chose to focus on what had apparently caused me unnecessary despair.

"So you never lived with him?"

"No." She snorted. "What makes you ask that?"

I shook my head. "Something I misunderstood, and it was my own fault, and it doesn't matter. And yes," I said, grinning broadly now, "does the fact that I love knowing _that_ make me an immature jerk?"

"A bit of one," she smirked. "Jerk."

I chuckled unabashedly and squeezed her backside tighter. "How about if I admitted that I'm used to sleeping alone too?"

"That might absolve you a bit." Bella pulled away enough to cup my cheek, holding my gaze and whispering. "Edward...I know I have no right to ask, and I swear I didn't tell you what I did so that you'd feel obligated to answer me, but I wonder...was there anyone...in any way...after you and I...? You don't have to-"

No, Bella." I admitted it openly, with no hesitation or reserve or some inane desire to be vague or circumspect. "Not at all. In any way. I couldn't, and the few times I tried, you were there. You were everywhere. I couldn't erase your file either. I couldn't even set it aside."

I felt no shame in admitting it, no wish to even the score, to plant the mysterious specter of some unknown woman in Bella's mind and make her wonder about her for the rest of our lives with unnecessary what-ifs arising from,

'_Well, there was a gorgeous, intelligent woman at work who was constantly after me,_' or with,

'_My ex-girlfriend' was beyond ready to marry me from Day One and would've come back to me with one word,'_ or with,

_'For months, my mom and Emmett were anxious to hook me up with every available and willing man or woman within a fifty-mile radius.'_

Because the fact was that none of those were ever options. Yet despite what I thought she'd be relieved to hear, Bella squeezed her eyes shut, and I frowned in confusion when a flash of intense pain crossed her features.

"I'm sorry that I can't say the same-"

"Hey." I waited for her eyes to open. "Don't be sorry. I'm not looking for an apology. Was he good to you?"

She nodded. "He was."

I nodded stoically in return. "I could tell. That day in the restaurant...you looked about as happy as I'd ever seen you."

"Edward..."

"It's fine. You look way happier now." When I grinned, Bella chuckled.

"I am way happier now. I'm happier than I could've ever imagined. Edward...he was a good man. He just wasn't you."

I swallowed hard. "I'd be lying if I said I don't thank my lucky stars for that, that you couldn't just easily erase my file and replace it with his."

She snorted. "Now you're just being a _smug_ jerk."

"Bella, I am glad he was good to you...and good for you. If it had to happen this way, I'm grateful you were with someone who treated you well. But my love, you're here with me now, where you've always belonged." I shrugged without apology. "That's all I care about and all I care to focus on, except that maybe…" I kissed her again, inhaled her heady breaths, "maybe we should work on getting used to feeling one another's bodies in the middle of the night, then neither of us will be shocked when the other turns out to be a cover-hogger and a sleep-kicker."

"Mmm," she hummed dreamily against my mouth, squirming, creeping higher on the bed and trying to line us up just right, "sounds like a good-"

When her eyes popped open, she propped herself on an elbow, while I suppressed both the now excruciating erection and contrasting bubbling laughter. How it was possible to feel both at once, I had no idea, but that was one of the many wonders of loving Bella.

"Wait a minute." Bella scowled. "Are you suggesting _I _hog the covers or that _I_ kick in my sleep?"

With an exaggerated, long-suffering sigh, I laid my head back against the pillow and quirked an eyebrow. "I said _and_, not _or_."

Her nostrils flared, and when she sat up, I gave in to the laughter if not the hard-on just yet and pulled her against my chest as she pretended to shove me off.

"Shit. Shit." She pushed me away harder, her palms splayed against my chest. Still chuckling, I released her. As soon as I did, she sat up and moved to the edge of the bed.

"Bella, I was just kidding. I mean, it's true, but I don't care."

"Edward, where's my phone?"

Wrapped in her comforter, she hopped off the bed and apparently forgot all about her injured ankle. Her foot hit the wooden floor, and she hissed sharply. That was when my amusement completely dispelled. Instead, a sliver of wariness took root, and before she could hurt herself any further, I lunged off the bed and gripped the blanket she was wrapped in, steadying her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Your ankle, my love."

Bella continued struggling. "Edward, I've got to go downstairs. I need my phone, and it's in my bag."

"Your bag is right here, Bella." Still holding her blanket securely, I stretched my other arm and reached for Bella's bag, which was on top of the crate. "Didn't want you looking for it in the middle of the night and hurting that ankle, so I brought it up just in case."

She stopped struggling long enough to smile and offer me a quick kiss before she dug into her bag. "Thank you." When she pulled out her phone and read the screen, she grimaced.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit."

By now, wariness was morphing into outright panic. I guided her by the blankets to the edge of the bed, raking a hand through my hair.

"Everything okay?"

She wrapped the blankets securely around her, and when she finally looked up, the tense expression in her eyes further alarmed me. What the hell was going on? Was the ex-boyfriend being an asshole after all? Why was she so suddenly on edge?

But in the next moment, the lines of stress which had abruptly appeared between her brows disappeared, and a different sort of resolve seemed to take hold of her.

"First things first. Edward, do you remember when I arrived here a few hours ago, and I told you I had a bit of a long story to tell you?"

"Yeah," I said warily.

"Well, this phone call," she said, holding up the phone to me, "is part of that story, but before I even get to that, I should tell you I ran into your dad yesterday."

Strange, how that was probably one of the last things I'd expected Bella to say. I opened my mouth, but I didn't even know where to begin.

"Ran into him," I reiterated uselessly.

"I suppose it was more like I went searching for him," she said, though the clarification only served to puzzle me even more.

"You went searching for him. How…?" By then, the erection was completely forgotten as my father's involvement in this situation truly dawned on me. Instead, my blood began a completely different sort of slow simmer.

"I sprained my ankle after a meeting I attended, which I'll tell you all about in a minute, but I ended up in the same hospital where he works and where I was taken...That Day."

"But my father is in Cardiology." The simmer quickened into a boil, which caused my nostrils to flare because one thing was now clear: there was a confrontation between Bella and my father. "Wait, did he come _looking_ for you?"

"No." Bella firmly shook her head. "No. I heard him being paged, and at first, I thought they were paging you. But then I remembered there's another Doctor Cullen, and he'd be the one being paged in that hospital. So I took the elevator up to Cardiology."

She paused, and I forced myself to feign patience where my father was involved, while I waited for her to tell the story at her pace.

"I'm not even sure why I sought him out," she said after an excruciating half minute, "other than my thirst for answers."

My eyes narrowed into suspicious slits. "He wasn't an asshole to you, Bella, was he?"

"No, no." She shook my head. "I mean, he said some things, but it doesn't matter."

"Things like what?" I prompted her through a now tight jaw.

"Edward, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't."

She reiterated the words with a forced smile, and that's what killed me. After everything we'd been through, we were still in a place where we weren't ready to be completely forthcoming with one another. And yeah, I'd been the one who'd started us off on this footing, with my lies by omission, evasions which I'd convinced myself were for Bella's own good, sparing her _irrelevant_ facts. That had gotten us nowhere, and swiftly. I'd started it, and therefore, it was up to me to make this right, to help Bella see that there was no need to protect me from the fact that my father was an asshole. With a deep sigh, I reached out and rested a hand under the blankets and on top of Bella's warm thigh.

"Bella, I know I haven't always been honest or forthcoming with you-"

"Edward-" She shook her head.

"But I hope you know…or at least, that you're willing to give me a chance to prove that from now on when you need answers, I'll always give them to you."

"I do know that, Edward, which is why I left his office and came here. Because I realized that any answers I wanted, I wanted from you."

"I'm glad." It was a good beginning. "But it _has_ to work both ways, my love."

Bella blinked, opened her mouth and shut it. Then, she swallowed, and after a few moments, she slipped her hand under the one I had on her thigh and weaved our fingers together.

"You're right, Edward. You're right. Your father and I spoke about a few things, some which I already knew, some which I didn't."

I quirked a brow. "Such as?"

"Such as…he told me that last year, after you and I broke up – for lack of a better phrase-"

"That phrase fits it pretty well," I cut in. "At least, it felt like a break up to me."

"To me too, Edward," she said quietly. "Your dad told me that even after we broke up, you warned Alice and Jasper to stay away from me." She paused, waiting, I wasn't sure for what. "Why, Edward?" she asked.

"Because you were right, Bella," I replied fervently and reflexively. "You needed us all out of your life: Alice, Jasper, _and_ me. What was I but a fucking reminder?" I spat. "And I finally saw how selfish I'd been, putting my wants before your needs." I looked away from her as I recalled those weeks of pain mixed with fury which had ensued until I finally accepted how wrong I'd been, and all that remained was pain and regret. "So, if there was no other way for me to ever make things up to you, I'd at least make sure those other two assholes left you alone. I didn't tell them that I'd…that we'd almost had something going because I didn't think you'd want them in your personal business. But I did tell them that if I ever got wind that either of them had approached you at either your home or anywhere else in this city, I'd call the cops on them myself and let them know they were violating the terms of the restraining order. And…I may have shoved Jasper around a bit." I shrugged, unable to apologize for my high-handedness, for taking it upon myself to handle them, when I'd had no right.

Yet, instead of the furious retort I rightly deserved from her, Bella wrapped her arms around my shoulders, allowing the blankets to tumble to the floor. She brushed her lips back and forth against mine, comforting me when I deserved no such comfort, then pulling away to hold my gaze.

"Even after I told you to leave me alone, you did all that for me. Jesus, no wonder."

"No wonder what?" I murmured, still confused.

"Your dad asked me if I'd used you; if I knew all along that you were Alice's brother and used you to get even with her and with Jasper."

"That motherfu-"

"Shh." She silenced me with yet another kiss and a smile, and seriously, _how_ had we made such a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn here? "Let me finish. We promised one another honesty from here on out, right?"

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled, nodding tightly.

"Then, please believe me when I say I don't care. I'm not bothered. I mean, yes, I was mortified at that moment," she amended, "but I can see where he would've gotten that idea. You defended me all along, Edward, and to him, to any outsider, it might seem as if I played my cards that way. Because who would think I'd fall in love with Alice's brother?"

When I shook my head, Bella rested her forehead against mine, and I shut my eyes, sighing.

"But when I'm here, with you, Edward," she murmured, her warm breath washing over me, "it doesn't matter what he thinks. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter that Alice is your sister, or that…their child is your nephew." She lifted our entwined hands and kissed my knuckles. "None of it matters when we're together."

I swallowed thickly. "Bella, I've got to tell you off the bat that JJ, my nephew, he's an important part of my life."

Bella held my gaze impassively.

"I mean, I don't get along with his mother," I added carefully, "and I can't stand the sight of his fucking father, but JJ, despite how he came about, is one of the most important beings in my life."

For one long moment, Bella studied me, her eyes shining with unshed tears, lips trembling, yet as much as it tore at me...I couldn't deny JJ. He was my blood, and he had an even bigger asshole for a father than I did as well as a mother overwhelmed by mistakes she'd never admit to, and mistakes she was allowing to eclipse her role as his primary caregiver. And no, I wasn't his caregiver, but I couldn't...wouldn't abandon him. I loved him.

"Bella, I would never try to hurt you with this-"

In the next moment, Bella cradled my face and held my gaze so fiercely it was impossible to tear my eyes away, regardless of what she was preparing to do to me with her next words.

"You see?" she said, a lone tear skimming her cheek. "This is one of the many reasons why I love you so damn much. Because you're such a good man, Edward," she said in a strangled voice, "and I can't believe it took me so damn long to see it." Sucking in a sharp breath, she strengthened her voice. "Edward, I can't sit here and tell you that I'll ever be comfortable around him because I just...I don't know. But he's your nephew, and I love you for loving him so vehemently, so protectively. I love that this is the kind of man you are. I love that you're so defensive, so faithful toward those you love, and God, I wish I could've given you your own-" She cut herself off with a swift head shake. "But there's something I _can_ give you, a promise I can make you, Edward, and it's this: I will never...ever," she said shakily, "try to come between your relationship with him or make you choose in any way. Because like I said, none of it matters when we're together."

"How about when we're not together, Bella? How about when the night ends, or the next day ends, or the day after that ends, and we're not exactly together? Will all these issues still matter then?"

She swallowed hard, but she gave me no answer, and though the irrational part of me wanted to demand an answer, wished more than anything that we could simply resolve all the issues between us in one night...the rational part of me understood it was impossible. There was simply still too much to figure out. So again, I focused on the positive: Bella was here. She loved me. And I loved her. The rest, we'd figure out in bits and pieces.

I cupped her cheek. "Hey, I don't expect us to have all the answers right now, but it's something to think about."

"Okay." She smiled wistfully.

"Guess what?" I breathed. "I love you."

Her smile morphed into something more contented, just as I hoped it would. "I love you, too."

"Then, for now, that's enough," I said honestly, brushing my lips quickly against hers. "So, if we're done with my idiotic father, let's move on to that phone call." I jerked my jaw toward the cell phone she still held clutched in one hand, and sure enough, Bella glanced at the phone as if she's completely forgotten about it.

"Oh, yeah," she chuckled, true excitement tinging her tone now. "That's the other bit of that long story. Now, I probably haven't mentioned her to you before, but I have an agent. Her name is Jessica Stanley, and she's relatively unknown, like me," she chuckled, "and I've been her one and only client for a few months now."

"She sounds promising," I teased.

"Well, here's the thing. Jessica set up a meeting with a publisher for me today, but she didn't tell me which publisher, which I assumed meant we were dealing with yet more relatively unknowns."

"As someone who assumes for a living, that's a valid assumption. So, which publisher did this relatively unknown agent set you up with, Volterra Publishing?"

I was teasing, simply recalling the name of one of the biggest up-and-coming publishing houses in the country, or so I'd read something to that effect lately. I recalled thinking of Bella as I read the article.

And all the while, Bella held my gaze, her grin growing by the second.

"Wait a minute...she didn't really...did she hook you up with Volterra Publishing?"

"Mhm!" Bella practically shrieked now, and the rest erupted in a rush. "Can you believe that? I didn't realize it until we were standing outside of their midtown office. By the time we left the meeting, I was in a daze, which is likely why I tripped and hurt my ankle, but get this, Edward." She squeezed her eyes shut for a second and reopened them. "They're considering an offer for my manuscript, _Gemma_, but before they provide the particulars, they wanted to take a look at the manuscript for a World War Two series I've been working on, which Jessica also happened to mention to them, because they may offer for the entire collection, though that one's not even complete. Gah! Can you believe that? I mean, can you freaking believe that?"

"Yes, I can," I replied. "I was teasing when I said Volterra because you made it sound as if Jessica had no true connections, but that you deserve to be published by Volterra? Hell yeah," I grinned broadly. "That I've never doubted that. Jesus, Bella." I pulled her in closer and brushed my lips against her forehead. "Baby. Volterra Publishing. You're finally getting the recognition you deserve."

"Edward, you haven't even read my manuscripts," she chuckled softly, pulling back.

I exhaled. "No, I haven't, but you gave me one damn good summary for _Gemma_ a few hours earlier: Star-crossed lovers. She saves the world, and they're no longer star-crossed. Sounds like a best-seller to me."

"Stop joking," she snorted.

"I'm completely serious about more than just that summary," I said soberly. "Bella, I may have never been granted the privilege of reading your work, but don't forget I spent months observing you as you wrote," I reminded her with no shame. "I watched you lose yourself in words and worlds dreamed up by this beautiful mind," I said, cupping the side of her head. "I may not know the words themselves, but I know what you're capable of."

For a long while, Bella took me in silently. "Yet another example of why I love you so much," she finally said dreamily. "You're protective, and you defend what's yours...and you've always been so open in your awe and admiration for what I do." She cupped my jaw and kissed me. "That was different for me, Edward. I'd never had that, and even this past year, I missed how openly you admired my work and how you encouraged me. I hope you know how much awe and admiration I've always had for what you do too, Mister Jack Ryan slash James Bond of the CDC world." She grinned against my mouth.

I chuckled. "All right, all right. Seriously, what are you waiting for, Bella? Return that call."

"Now? It's four in the morning."

She was putting it off because she was scared. But like she'd just said herself, I'd always tried my best to encourage her. I wasn't about to stop now.

"She said ASAP."

I held her hand as she made the phone call, squeezing it tightly as I felt the tremors of fear roll up her spine. But I had enough faith in her for both of us. Ten minutes later, she hung up and released the phone on top of the mattress. All previous fear had disappeared, and the shivers raking her frame now were due more to the bewilderment which was also making her dark eyes sparkle in the dim lighting. I'd heard her side of the conversation, which confirmed that Volterra Publishing was desperate to sign her on all her manuscripts, and she had to meet with them at eight in the morning. Bella more or less reiterated the facts, though she would never admit they were desperate. But signing her on a half-finished manuscript? I knew what that meant.

"I knew it all along," I chuckled quietly, while she continued staring at me through slightly dazed eyes. "Since that day I walked into the coffee shop and found you reading your passages out loud to yourself, debating synonyms while your hands glided over that keyboard as if they could barely keep up with your thoughts, and with a glazed look in your eyes as you bit your thumbnail beds raw in your deep focus. I knew you'd be famous."

She cupped my cheek, searched my eyes. "I don't care about fame, but Edward, am I dreaming? Not just regarding Volterra, but having you by my side through it all? Because that's what makes this so dream-like. I can't imagine...I mean, there's only one other thing...Edward, how is it possible that you're here with me for this?"

I smiled softly. "Now you're beginning to understand how I feel."

She smiled in return, and I folded her in my arms and laid her against the mattress. We kissed, and we talked, and it led to where it was always going to lead between us, from the very beginning. And though I meant to let her sleep at least for a short while, before her big meeting...we didn't sleep a wink for the rest of that morning.

OOOOO

At six a.m., I dropped Bella off in a cab in front of the apartment she shared with her very _female_ friend and roommate, Makenna - who Bella tended to call Mack, for short.

We kissed and chuckled like stupid teenagers in the back seat of the cab as it idled at the curb.

"This is going to sound extremely codependent and immature, and my old therapist turned best-friend, Rose would likely wring my neck if she ever found out I said this," Bella chuckled, "but I don't want to leave you. I wish I could pull you into my meeting with me."

I chuckled along against her mouth. "Mmm. Well, this is going to sound codependent and immature as well, and my buddy Emmett would have a field day if he heard me, but I wish I could bring you into work with me too."

"We're horrible," she laughed.

"So what?" I smirked.

"Yeah, so what?" With a deep sigh, Bella pulled away and held my gaze. "Thanks for foregoing your morning run for me today. After that sex marathon, I couldn't have run a block much less a mile."

I chuckled under my breath, catching the cab driver's raised eyebrow and 'thumb's up' sign through the rearview mirror. "I'll be honest with you, Bella, I probably couldn't have gotten too far either."

"I hope you're not too tired for your meeting with the FDA this morning."

"I'll be fine. I hope you're not too tired for your meeting with Volterra, though you've got that in the bag."

For a few moments, we silently held one another's gaze, until the cab driver cleared his throat.

"Edward, thank you."

"For what, Bella?"

She kissed me fast and hard, and when she spoke, her voice shook with emotion. "For loving me so purely. Meet me at our coffee shop at noon?"

"I'll be there."

She swallowed, kissed me hurriedly and firmly once more, murmured, "I love you," in my ear, and left the cab in a rush, almost as if she was honestly afraid she wouldn't be able to make herself leave otherwise.

And the truth was, had she not practically lunged herself out of the car, I may not have been able to let her go. She was being signed by Volterra, and I was thrilled for her, but I'd caught enough of the conversation between her and her agent to extrapolate the rest: Just as we'd finally made our way back to one another, Bella would be traveling. And with the booster vaccine finally ready for production, I'd be extremely busy around here.

I wasn't sure how long or in what form, but there was another separation in store for Bella and me.

And now...it was time to give dear old dad a call.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon!**


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Also, hmm. I do mean it when I say we're almost done, but then…the chapters just keep coming. Oh well. The intent is there. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 27**

"Dad. Good morning." I greeted my father as calmly and evenly as my internal fury would allow.

"Edward…good morning, son. I was just thinking about you. I'm glad you called."

"Are you?"

Standing outside of the downtown skyscraper where the CDC offices were located, I glared up at the sliver of golden sun which peeked from beyond the left-hand side of the building. Considering the skyscraper eclipsed most of them, the mid-November rays felt bolder than usual that morning, their warmth prickling my neck and shoulders. There was a brisk wind in the air as well, fully expected for this time of year, and the contrast between both the seasonal breeze and the unseasonal rays caused goosebumps to rise under my shirt and jacket. For a second, the sensations were weak though potent reminders of the long and still-hard-to-believe night I'd just experienced – the best night of my life by far, when it was Bella's mouth causing those alternating sensations of flaming heat and quivering shivers…

With a deep breath, I set those thoughts aside – for now. Without a doubt, they'd be taking up a large portion of my mind later that morning, but at the moment, with my cell phone gripped tightly in my hand after having dialed a number I never particularly enjoyed dialing, I couldn't give them the focus they rightly deserved. Unfortunately, I hadn't been left much of a choice because as they said, 'The fucker had some explaining to do.'

Nonetheless, as much of an asshole as Carlisle Cullen could be, he wasn't stupid, and I didn't need him on the defensive off the bat, not before I could get some answers.

"Yes, I…had an unexpected visitor to my office yesterday afternoon."

"Did you? Who might that have been?"

He didn't reply right away. "Edward, not that I'm not glad to hear from you, but I am unaccustomed to receiving calls from you out of the blue or so early in the morning. It all makes me suspect-"

"Fine. Let's cut to the chase," I hissed into the phone. "Where the fuck do you get off accusing her of using me?"

"It was a question, Edward, not an accusation, and you can't blame me for-"

"Oh yes, I fucking can," I growled, gripping the phone tighter. "After all the shit Alice pulled because she's rarely heard the word 'No,' from you, I can blame you for plenty, especially when you accuse the innocent party in this mess of something so underhanded."

"Edward-"

"You had no right to go around accusing Bella of-"

"First of all, Edward, as I said, I didn't _go around_ accusing anyone of anything. The young lady came to _me_; she sought _me_ out, not the other way around. Second of all, it was a natural conclusion."

"Only a man who never reined in his offspring, and who still refuses to see the damage he caused by it, would consider it a natural conclusion to accuse the victim of wrongdoing."

"Jesus, Edward," my father breathed. "I do see the damage I caused…the damage your sister caused and the hurt she caused not only Miss Swan…but you as well. I see the part I played in it, which is why I asked Miss Swan the question I asked. Perhaps I'm late to do so, but if you're involved with her, I need to make sure-"

I chuckled bitterly and shook my head in disbelief at the sky as if the unfortunate heavens were somehow to blame for the idiocy that was my father.

"You're right, Dad; your efforts at fatherly concern on my behalf are a day late and a dollar short. You don't need to make sure of a damn thing when it comes to me. I'm a grown man."

"Why did she seek me out then, Edward? It wasn't regarding her ex-husband, or Alice, or JJ. I asked her point-blank, and she confirmed she wasn't interested in knowing anything about any of them. That left you."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. What you should be worried about is your daughter, who's a grown woman as well, yet not only hasn't she learned to be responsible for herself, I'm not confident _at all_ that she's doing the job she should for her own son, not while that piece of shit boyfriend of hers continues to be her main focus."

"I try, Edward." He sighed heavily, and I could almost see him raking a hand through his graying hair. "You don't even know the complete picture of the mess Alice has made of her life."

"You think I don't?" I scoffed, watching my furious breaths swirl in the chill of the morning air. "You may not see me around much, Dad, not while you're locked in your office, hiding behind your _responsibilities _as a world-renowned surgeon, but I'm there enough to see how JJ spends more and more time with Mom, and I try to spend time with him too despite _my_ schedule. All the while, Alice fights with that bastard, and he stays out all night, without a care in the world."

"Jesus," he expelled, "you do know."

"Yeah, I do, and I warned her, more than once, and from the very beginning, what a piece of garbage a man like that would end up being. No matter what, she's my sister, and I warned her that a man who would do what that fucker did to his ex-wife would eventually end up fucking her over as well. But as usual, Alice told _me_ to fuck off. So, you see? Your focus needs to be on your _grandson's_ well-being now because he's the one who got the short end of the stick here. That's what you should be watching – that and your mouth," I warned, "if you ever happen to _unexpectedly_ meet up with Bella again."

"As I told Miss Swan when she was in my office, I do apologize if I offended her," he said, sounding genuinely contrite. "I promise you, it wasn't my intent. Edward…" he hesitated, "I see the difference between her and Alice, and our short discussion weighed on me all night. Please pass that on to her if…Edward, should I expect to meet with her again?"

"You're missing the point of this conversation."

"She came to see me, and yes, I told her of how you came to her defense, time and time again, how you stood against your own family to protect her. And yes, I asked a question I probably shouldn't have asked, not if she was a woman who you respected and trusted because…your respect and trust aren't easily earned, and I bear full responsibility for that."

"Dad, I didn't call to discuss our-"

"Afterward, all she asked for was your address, and obviously, she at least spoke with you last evening. So, what does all this mean, son?"

"It means this conversation is over. I said what I needed to say, and I don't know that you'll ever meet with Bella again."

It was a purposely vague and misleading statement, but I'd made the mistake of trusting my father regarding Bella once, the last time she and I were at the cusp of a relationship. That ended in disaster, through my fault more than anything. Nevertheless, I wouldn't be making the same mistakes again. What was more, if I had to keep my father away from Bella, if I had to resort to keeping our relationship unknown to him indefinitely as a way to guard her against the dangers of his blinding love for his daughter, I'd do it without a second's hesitation.

"As I said, Dad, put your belated efforts at fatherly concern where they're needed, and they're not needed in my life. I don't mean that combatively, just as a fact. Focus on the one who still needs fucking guidance, and the one who has a young life depending on her to get her shit together."

"Edward, whatever I've done in regards to Miss Swan and you…I've meant well."

I chuckled mirthlessly. "Yeah, Dad; we all know what the road to hell is paved with. Take care, old man."

OOOOO

I was still in a foul mood as I got off the elevator. As luck would have it, Emmett was in the office bright and early, and he happened to pass by as I stepped off the elevator. When he spotted me, he stopped in his tracks and whistled low through his teeth.

"That's not at all the expression I expected to see you wearing first thing this morning of all mornings."

I offered him a smirk and nothing more as I strode toward my office. Of course, he followed and fell in step with me, checking his watch.

"And I sure as hell wasn't expecting you in this early."

"Why not?" I asked dryly, keeping my eyes ahead of me. "I'm usually in at this time."

"Yeah, but that was before."

With my anger fading at the reminder of Bella, I offered him a grin as I opened the door to my office.

"Before what?"

Emmett was quiet as I walked around my desk, pulled open the window shades, and let the daylight in. Then, I set down my laptop bag atop the slew of papers crowding my desk. When I finally looked at him again, he stood by the door, his brow furrowed.

"I didn't imagine it all…did I?" he asked. "It wasn't part of a hangover…was it?"

Taking a seat behind my desk, I pulled out my laptop and kept my eyes on it as I powered it on.

"I don't know. How much did you drink last night? Maybe you blacked out."

When I looked up at him again, he stood stiffly by the door, his frown deepening.

"Has that been happening a lot lately, Em? Have you been blacking out? Has your Latino half abandoned you and you've found yourself recently…you know, unable to account for lost time?"

For another handful of seconds, he continued staring at me, that baffled expression growing until abruptly, a broad grin spread across his face.

He barked a laugh. "Hah! Eff you, Ed!"

With a chuckle, I returned to my laptop. "I almost had you."

"The hell you did. I was just worried for a sec there that you'd screwed it up again almost as fast as you did last time."

"Asshole," I snorted.

He snickered shamelessly and plopped himself on the chair across from me.

"I mean, when you stepped off that elevator just now, you did _not_ have the look of a guy who just spent the night making up for lost time in the arms of the woman he loves, if you know what I mean." He gyrated his hips wildly and grinned lasciviously.

"A blind man would know what you meant," I scowled.

He kept laughing as he lifted his feet on my desk and folded his hands behind his head.

"With the way you looked, I didn't want to send you into complete fucking despondency and uselessness – at least not until after this morning's meeting with the FDA – by asking you how your night went."

I shot him a glare while replying to morning emails.

"So…how did it go?"

"I thought you didn't want to ask?"

"I know it wasn't Bella that had you looking so pissed off just now. I could practically feel your elation through the laptop a few hours ago while we skyped."

With a deep breath, I finished my email, took a deep breath, and sat back against my chair.

"I can't even play it off. She is…a dream come true, in every way."

Emmett chuckled heartily, but then he quickly sobered. "I'm glad for you. Truly. If anyone deserves that shit, it's you."

"Yeah, well, I don't know about it being shit, or about deserving her, but I'm sure as hell going to do my best to keep her happy from here on in. She deserves happiness. She deserves the world. She deserves everything I can give her…and even those things I can't."

I swallowed hard, and my mind returned to my father and his bullshit, which caused a heavy breath of frustration to escape me. Emmett, of course, caught it.

"So, what is _that_ about then? Because you look at turns thrilled and at turns, like you're ready to wring a neck."

"It's about my father."

"Ahh," he nodded as if those four words explained all my strife, which I suppose they did.

"Just…interference from him again where and when it's not needed; nothing changes." I rubbed my fingers hard against my jaw in lingering aggravation. "But I took care of him this morning."

"That explains the 'I'm-ready-to-bash-a-face-in' look you stepped off the elevator with, the one that had everyone on the floor scattering in a thousand different directions."

I chuckled and quirked a brow. "Everyone except you."

Emmett sighed dramatically. "Yeah, well, that's long-suffering me for you. Like I said, for a sec there, I thought you'd screwed it all up again, or that maybe you'd dreamed her up once more," he teased.

"Not this time, no," I said quietly.

"You sure?" Emmett kept taunting. "You sure you weren't just relieving all that…built-up tension into a pillow last night?" Now, he pretended to thrust against my desk, roaring with laughter and lunging out of the chair as I flung a paperweight at him.

"I won't believe it 'til I see her, Ed!"

"Go do some work 'til it's time for the meeting," I growled.

Emmett was unfazed, as usual. "Fine, fine. But we're scheduled for our H5N2 boosters this afternoon after lunch. It's the batch prepped as part of the sample we sent the FDA, and there's just enough for our team."

"There are no extras?"

"Unfortunately not, and there won't be any more until the first batch for the general public is out, and that won't be for a couple of weeks. But you know what we're taught: 'You have to protect yourself before you protect others.'"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what they say," I agreed thoughtfully.

"Seriously, Ed, if you plan on disappearing after the meeting to meet up with your imaginary _novia_," – he thrust against the air – "make sure you return in time to get your shot, or I guarantee you, someone else 'll try to finagle it for themselves."

This time, my stapler missed him by millimeters, hitting the wall behind him instead and cracking the plaster.

"Hah! I hope you had better aim than that last night!" His ensuing laughter echoed down the halls.

With a quiet chuckle of my own, I got to work, driven by new and unfamiliar inducements.

The first inducement was that in a few, short hours, I'd be with Bella again, and the time we spent together might be precious time indeed. Soon, with her new book deal, she'd most likely be traveling, and we'd be separated once again.

And the second inducement was the almost-certain knowledge that Bella was going to be traveling around the country…and the west coast, while an H5N2 virus still remained at large. Thankfully, there was a dose of the booster waiting for me, and as soon as I met her for lunch this afternoon...I'd be ensuring _Bella_ received it.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon.**


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 28**

**Hey, Bella, my meeting's done. Went well. I'll tell you about it in a few if you'd like. Hope your meeting went well too. I was wondering if you wanted me to swing by the sandwich shop (the one we visited a couple of weeks ago) on my way to the coffee shop and pick up a couple of those sandwiches?**

If I had to be honest, as I texted from the building elevator, I may have still harbored a slight yet lingering fear that Bella would reply that she couldn't meet for lunch after all, that something else came up…that she'd reconsidered.

**Yes! I loved those sandwiches! Ask them to make mine with extra mustard, please! **

**Sure, my love.** I grinned to myself like a fool as I stepped off the elevator and walked through the lobby.

**And a nice big side of pickles!**

**Of course. Will half a dozen do?**

**We'll have to see, lol. I love pickles. Thank you, baby. I'm on my way. Can't wait to see you. So the FDA meeting went well?**

**As well as could be expected. I'll tell you about it – minus talk of strains, promise. Volterra meeting went well?**

**Yes, and you can talk strains to me all you want, Edward; at least, for the next few months. In a few months, when I've grown used to being with you, and I'm no longer turned on by every scientific term that comes out of your mouth, maybe not so much talk of strains.**

**You're a smartass, you know that, Miss Swan?**

**But you love my smartass, and I love your nerdy ass, and as we found out last night when we put both asses together…**

I read that just before exiting the building lobby, and I stopped and laughed so hard that some of the lunch crowd zipping by and bypassing me in a rush actually offered me curious glances.

**Miss Swan, your ass is especially sweet and perfectly round. **

**And on that note, Edward, before this turns into a convo that'll have me tripping over myself again, I'm going into the subway. See you soon. Love you.**

**Bella, PLEASE careful on that ankle. Love you and see you soon. **

"You seemed to be in a good mood this morning."

I looked up, startled out of my post-texting reverie by Maria, who stood a couple of feet away, watching me, with her head tilted sideways.

"Oh. Hey, Maria."

"What did you think of the meeting, Edward?"

"Uh…" I pocketed my cell phone and raked a hand through my hair, "well, things seem to be finally falling into place. I mean, I wish the director would've pushed the manufacturer for an earlier release date and a larger initial supply for the first batch, but I do understand the difficulties inherent in making such requests, especially this time of year."

Maria nodded slowly. "It is a shame though. There was a spike in reported cases on the west coast over the past two days – severe ones."

"I know." I sighed heavily. "Emmett and I reviewed the cases this morning before the meeting. The patients all experienced high, hallucinatory-grade fevers which led to loss of consciousness. One patient, a female in her twenties, was placed in a coma due to the gravity of her fever."

"That has turned out to be the worst part of this strain, hasn't it? When fevers spike that swiftly and that high, there is no way to know what sort of damage might result in the brain."

I nodded, and for a handful of seconds, neither one of us said anything.

"Well," Maria eventually exhaled, "at least the spike is on the west coast, and either way, our team receives the benefit of first inoculations, since we will be out in the field once the initial batch is ready for distribution to hospitals and such."

I swallowed. "Yeah. Yeah, that's a good thing."

"So, I will see you after lunch then, for our inoculations?"

"Yeah. See you after lunch."

"Are you…going far?"

"No, not too far."

She watched me silently, and after a few more moments, she sighed and offered me a faint smile.

"I'll see you later, Edward."

"See you later, Maria."

OOOOO

"I felt like I couldn't even grasp half of the things they were throwing at me – not yet. They talked about promotions, release parties, hypothetical plans on how to handle movie offers."

"Movie offers." My ensuing chuckle was more due to shock than disbelief at the possibility. "Bella, that would be amazing."

"I mean, it was all very speculative," she qualified, "and it'll probably never happen, but can you imagine it?"

"I actually can imagine it." I quirked a brow. "And not only am I not the imaginative one between the two of us, I haven't even read your transcript. But I can imagine it."

"The two of us…" Bella echoed. From across the small coffee table, her eyes sparkled like two dark opals that had been shined to a gloss before being set within a glowing frame. For the better part of a half-hour, I'd enjoyed hearing her gush excitedly, my right hand and her left hand resting between us on top of the table and clasped together, while we used our free hands to pick up our coffees and our sandwiches. It was awkward, to say the least, but neither of us seemed of a mind to relinquish the other's hand.

"Edward, how did this happen? I'm not even talking about this whole book deal stuff," – she gave a dismissive wave with the hand that held her sandwich – "though it's wonderful, yeah."

"It _is_ wonderful, Bella, and I won't let you keep downplaying it, my love."

She smiled sheepishly. "But you and I…on the same page..."

Holding my gaze, she trailed off, as if she enjoyed savoring that fact as much as I did. Then, she bit into her sandwich again and expelled yet another moan, one of many she'd expelled since the beginning of our lunch date. The moan was accompanied by an appreciative head shake that billowed her long hair around her shoulders and was then followed by a careless chuckle.

Meanwhile, I grinned at just how ecstatic she was, and I recalled a similar image of her last night…moaning, while her head writhed from side to side…

And the entire time, I couldn't pretend to myself that a small yet undeniably archaic part of me felt an intense and immature sense of satisfaction, of gratification at her bliss. Her current joy plainly surpassed anything I read in her expression that day in that other, fancier restaurant, when she sat at a much more elegant table, sipping wine instead of coffee, wearing a cocktail dress instead of the smart yet casual slacks and white blouse she wore today, and holding hands with her suited-up _then-_boyfriend.

The stab of jealousy was just a fleeting one, but it was there, yet it was also served as a reminder of how wrong I could be. Thank God almighty for my erroneous extrapolations in that restaurant. I'd read bliss where there was mere contentment, and love where there was only affection. Had Bella looked then the way she looked now, had she gazed at Brady with half of the open passion and devotion that swirled in her eyes now, I would've probably left that restaurant, headed for the nearest airport, and taken the first flight that could get me the furthest away.

"Good, huh?" Bella said. "Though I don't know that four sandwiches were necessary for two of us, Edward."

"I, for one, worked up a bit of an appetite overnight, and I find myself ravenous this morning." Growling, I tore off an exaggerated piece of my sandwich with my teeth, making Bella throw back her head and laugh. Still chuckling, she offered me a salacious grin.

"I find myself pretty hungry this morning too, so maybe four sandwiches weren't such a bad idea."

Honestly, I was finding more enjoyment from watching her eat her sandwich than from my sandwich; not that it wasn't a great damn sandwich. Even better was the fact that it was Bella who kept tightening her hand around mine, that it was she who refused to sever our physical connection, even if it meant we had to perform hand aerobics to feed ourselves. As she'd just said herself, we were _finally_ on the same page.

"Seriously, these are so, so good, Edward."

She gave our joined hands another squeeze then set down her sandwich to pick up her dark and bitter coffee, and I snorted inwardly at the memory of the barista shouting out her order, over a year earlier, when we first re-met.

'_Bella – dark and bitter!'_

"Thank you, baby," she murmured, wiping her mouth with a napkin, "and not just for the sandwiches and coffee, per se."

Along with the pet name she'd been trying out for the past half hour, she offered me a soft smile, both of which made me clumsily set down my sandwich and lean in closer to the table, shrinking the space between us so that I could whisper in her ear.

"What are you thanking me for, love?"

She turned her head, and her mouth caught my cheek, brushing it softly back and forth. At the same time, her thick lashes fluttered against my skin. She glanced down at our joined hands and pulled back only enough to lock me in her eyes.

"I'm thanking you for knowing exactly how I like my coffee, for knowing I love this table because it gives us privacy while giving us a great view from the windows. I'm thanking you for not changing this," – she made a circling motion with her hand over the table, "now that we're together, for not trying to make us into something else, and for remembering how much I enjoyed these particular sandwiches a couple of weeks ago, for noticing so much, even while we carried on a heavy and…difficult conversation."

I wiped my free hand on my napkin so that I could softly stroke her cheek.

"All the while, during those few meetings we had together, I thought I was surrendering, unwillingly so, but with no choice." I snorted. "I thought we were organizing your files to bring you closure."

"We were, Edward." Bella smiled tenderly and kissed the knuckle brushing her face. "It was closure on other files that no longer needed to be open, and a reorganization in order of importance, where your file ended up on top," she murmured.

"And yours was always on top," I murmured in return.

She held my gaze, and whispered, "I like being on top, as you found out last night."

I squeezed my eyes shut, and my shoulders shook as I tried to suppress a howl of laughter.

"You're so bad," I said reopening my eyes. "You've always been a fresh thing, and I've always loved it."

"I'm sorry," she chuckled ruefully. "I probably shouldn't be joking after what you told me regarding those additional cases that have popped up of the H5N2 strain."

I shook my head. "Bella, Emmett and I make the most inappropriate job-related jokes all the time. It's how we keep our spirits up, and as you and I both know," I smiled, tapping my temple, "mental health is as important as physical health."

"I know," she agreed, giving my hand a squeeze, "but babe, you've done so much to push this anti-viral through." The awe in her tone both pleased and embarrassed me, and based on the way she dropped her head and she refused to let me break our gaze, she knew it. "I hope you know that, Edward. And in case you don't know, I'm going to keep saying it: I'm so proud of you and the Jack Ryan slash James Bond work you do."

I chuckled quietly.

"Plus, you're a white-boy, Upper East Side rapper to boot. What more can I ask for?"

"Smartass," I smirked while she snickered on and on. "Alright. Enough of your teasing, woman. Tell me more about this deal with Volterra."

Strangely enough, my request seemed to douse some of her previous excitement. She took both of my hands over the table.

"Edward, Volterra Publishing is trying out a new marketing technique. They want me to read passages from the first book at scheduled literary events around the country even before the release date they're shooting for in mid-February."

I nodded, impressed, but Volterra Publishing was building a reputation through their cutting-edge and pioneering promotions.

"Sounds like an innovative marketing technique."

"I think so too," she agreed, "so…they're expecting me to travel – a lot – for the next few months and starting almost immediately."

"Ahh."

"Yeah. I'm visiting my dad in Washington for Thanksgiving next week, but from there, they want me to attend reading events in San Francisco, Tacoma, L.A., Portland, Seattle, San Diego, which is great because with Charlie – my dad – semi-retired, he'll probably be able to hang around with me."

"That _is_ great," I acknowledged, while half of my mind was focused on figuring out what areas she was visiting with possible exposure to H5N2, but she'd listed cities and states in such a convoluted manner that the geography took a minute. "I know you're close to your dad."

"And…after the book is published, they mentioned Europe."

"That's amazing, Bella." I squeezed her hands tightly because I was seriously so damn proud of her and excited for her, even while concurrently concerned for her health. "You've always wanted to travel."

"You remember."

"Of course, I do," I smirked. "I also remember you're horrible at geography as you just proved right now by mixing up all those cities, not even mentioning them in any sort of cohesive order." I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"You're an ass sometimes," she chuckled. And when she sighed, she finally shared her true fears with me. "I'm scared, not just about the traveling, but about…you and I…we're just getting started."

"Exactly," I said quickly. "We're getting started. Bella, I hoped…but I didn't know if you and I would ever find our way to one another. I _did_ know you'd always get here. So, in those dreams I mentioned last night, you traveled on your book tours, and I traveled for work, and whenever possible, we made time for one another until we found a way to always be together."

"Mmm," she hummed, "it sounds ideal – in a dream. In reality-"

"In reality, it's yet another obstacle in a relationship fraught with them. But if we're both determined-"

"I am now," she said rapidly, turning our hands over the table and weaving our fingers like threads of the same unbreakable cloth. "I am now."

"And I've always been," I teased her. "We'll figure it out."

And I did know it to be true. Now, that we were together, only death would separate us, and I had no plans for that to happen for a long while.

"Now, take a walk with me."

Bella looked up at me curiously as I stood and pushed my arms into my jacket sleeves. Then, I picked her leather jacket off the back of her chair and held it up and ready for her.

"Where are we going?" she asked as she stood and allowed me to help her into her coat.

"If you're going to be traveling, you're getting your booster shot right now. Also, Emmett's dying to see you. He doesn't believe me when I say we worked things out. Or rather, he does, but he's having way too much fun teasing me."

She quirked a brow as she took me in over her shoulder. "The man-bun-wearing microbiologist is teasing _you_?"

"Can I please tell him you said that?" I grinned as I adjusted her collar. "He's been such a fucker today."

"How about I tell him myself?"

Pulling her by the jacket lapels, I kissed her firmly. "Deal." But when I took her hand to guide her out of the coffee shop, Bella held her ground.

"And then…I have something for you. Something to keep you thinking of me while I'm gone for the next few weeks or so."

I cradled her beautiful face in my hands.

"Lots of sex between now and when you leave me?"

She burst out laughing. "Oh yeah, but…something else too," she said softly.

"Bella, you've given me a lifetime's worth of reasons to always have you on my mind. But greedily enough, I'm willing to take more."

OOOOO

I exhaled a furtive sigh of relief when I pushed the lab doors open, searched the faces inside the room, and didn't find Assistant Director LeeAnn's face among them. Getting her to go along with this might have proven pretty fucking impossible. Hopefully, she'd already been and gone.

As Bella and I entered hand in hand, Emmett was in the process of administering a dose to Collin. Bonnie was rubbing her upper arm.

"My blind grandma could've administered it less painfully," she was complaining.

"Well, then, _Bonnie_," Emmett snapped, keeping his eyes on his job, "maybe next time a new influenza strain pops up out of the blue and threatens to eradicate half of the world's population, you can ask your grandma to administer your booster, and then tell me how that works out for you."

"Ouch! Watch it, Em," Collin complained.

"_Par de fuhkin'_-" Emmett muttered as he finished with Collin. His eyes flashed up and grew wide. "Edward…" he grinned broadly, "and Bella?"

"Hey, Emmett." Bella chuckled quietly as Emmett washed his hands and made a beeline toward us. He stopped intrusively close, gazing at Bella as if he truly couldn't believe his eyes.

"He wasn't imagining you after all."

"Asshole," I said.

Bella covered her mouth, but I could still see the amusement dancing in her eyes.

"I'm teasing him, Bella," Emmett confirmed in a whisper. "I bother him all the time. He needs to be teased every once in a while or else the brooding knows no bounds." He winked at her.

"You're a damn-"

"I got it covered, Emmett," Bella whispered and winked back. "He does like being teased."

Shutting my eyes, I shook my head while Emmett and Bella both shared a quiet chuckle.

"Bella, I get the feeling you and I are going to be great friends."

"We will be," she agreed, dropping her voice even lower, "but first I have to tell you that I much prefer short-haired epidemiologists who study the macro-picture than messy-bunned microbiologists who study the micro-picture." She looked up at me. "Did I get that right, baby?"

I scowled at her, while she suppressed yet more laughter.

"Oh my god. _Aye Dios Mio_. Please tell me you have a twin."

Bella buried her face in my chest and laughed and laughed, sliding her arms around my waist, while Emmett looked at me and…smiled.

Just at that moment, the door to the lab opened, and Maria walked in.

"Hi, everyone. I'm not too late for-"

When she caught sight of Emmett, Bella, and me on the other side of the room, her eyes rounded. Then, clearing her throat, she finished her inquiry.

"I'm not too late for our boosters, am I?"

"No, not at all," Emmett replied. "I got mine done earlier, the director and assistant director were in here a few minutes ago, I just did Bonnie and Collin's-"

"And none too tenderly," Collin said.

"Eff you, Collin," Emmett continued without pause, "and I've got two doses left with yours and Edward's names on them."

Maria nodded, her eyes flashing to Bella before she met mine.

"Hello, Edward."

"Hey, Maria."

She waited a few moments before stepping further into the room and striding swiftly toward where Collin and Bonnie had just received their boosters, where she began folding up her sleeve.

Meanwhile, Bella looked up at me. "There are only two doses left?"

"Bella, that's fine-"

"Oh, yeah." She waved a hand and shook her head. "That's fine. I'll just wait until the next batch is ready. I thought you meant there were extras," she smiled.

"Bella…"

Emmett stood right between us, his head moving back and forth as if he were watching a tennis match. And across the room, Bonnie, Collin, and Maria were undisguisedly in tune to our conversation as well.

"Em, why don't you go administer Maria's booster? We'll be right there."

Emmett looked at me, one of those rare, completely unamused looks of his which I'd known him long enough to interpret. He knew where I was going with this, and he wasn't exactly in agreement. But he only had the micro-picture, while I had the macro-picture.

Nonetheless, with a sigh, he moved toward the others.

"I'd rather you not wait, Bella," I said, once they were all on the other side of the room. "You can have my dose."

She frowned. "But…it's your dose."

"That's fine," I grinned. "The next batch 'll be ready really soon, and I can have my booster then."

"But…it's meant for you."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere for the next few weeks, at the very least; whereas _you_ are going to be undertaking a whole lot of travel during the holidays, a time period when travel spikes, which means shared sicknesses spike. With H5N2 in the air in many of those places you're going to be hitting, it's going to be spreading, and it would be irresponsible of me _not_ to insist you receive the booster right now."

She pursed her lips. "Edward, I don't know…"

"But I _do_ know, love," I smiled. "Extrapolating is what I do for a living. Remember? James Bond slash John Ryan?"

"_Jack_ Ryan," she corrected with a hesitant smile.

I chuckled. "I'll get mine as soon as the first batch is in. It'll be fine. You'll see."

OOOOO

She met me at my place after work, in the building vestibule because she couldn't get in any further without a key. She was wrapped in her jacket and shivering.

"I'm so damn sorry," I breathed, wrapping her in my arms instead. "There was a last-minute meeting which ran over-"

"Shh," she said against my mouth. "Don't worry about it."

"I'll have to give you keys," I breathed against her lips.

"Okay."

We stumbled into the elevator and stumbled out, mouths and hands all over one another. As soon as the apartment door closed behind us, Bella shrugged me out of my jacket and I desperately helped her with hers, hands clumsy and mouths refusing to release one another's lips, cheeks, necks... Somehow, we shed one another of the clothing items that were in the way. Her slacks were flung aside, while she unbuckled my pants, and they pooled to the floor. Finally, I lifted her legs and wrapped them around my hips, burying myself inside her with one thrust.

She cried out and threw back her head as I drove in and ground my hips against hers before pulling back and thrusting again…over and over, while she caged my head between her hands and kissed me wildly. We came together fast and loud and hard.

We had dinner, salads we prepared together with whatever I had in the fridge. Afterward, I took her much more slowly on the couch, and she rode me rhythmically while the city lights illuminated her like a dark angel.

We made phone calls and skype calls and typed out respective emails. She wrote her beautiful fiction, biting her thumbnail beds, while I wrote my too-real non-fiction and gripped my hair. Then, we bathed together, and she put her mouth on me and let me put my mouth on her in all the places I'd dreamed of.

And finally, when we laid in bed, with only the city lights in the background, we kissed languidly, both of us sated. After a long day, we had one another to share it with, to talk about her parents and mine, about our futures, and about our pasts.

When she went quiet for a while, her head on my chest, I thought she'd drifted. Then, she looked up suddenly.

"How often do you see him, Edward?"

"Who?" I clarified.

"The baby," she whispered. "JJ."

I swallowed. "I try to go over to my parents' a couple of times a week when I'm home, and take him out to the park, teach him to swing one of those foam little bats," I chuckled, "and throw one of those foam little balls."

"What does he call you?" she asked.

"Uncle _Edwahd,_" I smiled, using his pronunciation.

She chuckled. "That's cute. He doesn't spend much time with his father, does he?"

"No," I murmured. "He doesn't."

"My dad's mentioned it. He still keeps in touch with his parents, with my ex-in-laws."

She was quiet for a long while, simply holding my gaze.

"Do you ever wonder...?"

"About him? No. I'm past that. Edward, did you ever see yourself as a father?"

Drawing in a deep breath, I shrugged and replied honestly. "It wasn't something I ever gave much thought, one way or another."

Bella nodded slowly. "That woman in the lab today…Maria…"

"What about her?" I prompted after a few moments of silence.

She searched my eyes and then moved in and brushed her mouth to mine, cradling my cheek.

"Nothing."

"Bella…"

She chuckled. "A woman sees things, expressions…I saw something in her expression, but not in yours, so when I say nothing," she chuckled, "I mean nothing."

Snorting, I shook my head and kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep."

When she lifted herself off the bed, wrapped herself in the blankets and lunged across the room, I groaned and lifted myself on one arm.

"Bella, come on, babe. Watch that ankle."

She giggled. "It's fine, Edward. I almost forgot something," she said as she dug through her bag, "something for you to remember me by when I'm not around for the next few weeks."

"Bella, like I said, you've already given me so much…" I frowned as she made her way back toward me and held out a hand…with a small, silvery object in it.

"My manuscripts," she murmured. "For _Gemma_, and for the as-yet-unnamed World War Two series I'm still working on."

I stared at the object in her hand.

"I've never let anyone – other than my agent, and of course, now Volterra Publishing – read them. Not even Brady," she murmured. "They're _my_ babies, and I want to share them with-"

I pulled her down on the bed and gazed at the way her dark hair spilled over my white sheets…our white sheets. Her chest heaved as I hovered above her, and I swallowed hard at the image which _still_ seemed dream-like. I had a feeling that on some level, it always would. Because isn't that what real love is?

"In a few months," I grinned, "along with growing tired of hearing me talk about strains, are you going to grow tired of hearing me tell you how much I love you?"

Sliding her arms around my shoulders, she pulled me down on top of her.

"Will you grow tired of watching me bite my thumbnail beds?"

"Never."

"There you go then." She brushed her lips back and forth against mine.

"Thank you for this," I said, gripping the flash drive tightly in my fist. "It means…the world that you'd share them with me."

We actually didn't go right to sleep.

But those moments would have to sustain me, would have to sustain _us_ because a week later, two days before Thanksgiving, and after six more nights spent in a similar manner, I drove Bella to JFK Airport and watched her board a flight to Washington.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

"**See" you soon. **


	30. Chapter 29

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts. **

**So, if you're wondering why this is taking longer to get to the end than I indicated it would, it's because I just don't have the time I used to lately. So, instead of going weeks without updating, I'm posting shorter-than-I'd-like-to chapters (notice how I didn't say 'short?'), to at least keep us moving forward. Hope that's okay. ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken Chapter 29**

_In the middle of one of the few nights we had together before Bella left for Washington, I'd woken and found her gazing at me through the dim moonlight that streamed through the bedroom windows. Its reflection shone in her eyes. For a long while, we took one another in silently. _

"_Hey," she breathed._

_I'd woken with my hand on her bare hip, already accustomed...needing the feel of her body next to mine at night. Now fully awake, I could feel her sudden tension. _

_"Hey. What's wrong?"_

_She'd offered me a tremulous smile. _"_Nothing's wrong. I know it's the middle of the night, but can we talk?"_

_"Of course."_

_She drew in an uneven breath. "You know about the struggles I've had with my mental health, and I've mentioned how some days, it's hard for me to get out of bed and face the world beyond the windows."_

_I nodded._

"_I know things have been...amazing between us for the past few days, but I also mentioned once that I'm not always sunshine and roses."_

_"Bella-"_

_"I'd like to be as clear as possible on what exactly that means."_

"_Bella-"_

"_Shh." She'd covered my mouth with the tips of her fingers. "I want you to know what that means for me on a daily basis so that you can know what it would mean for us as..." her eyes panned away for a fraction of a second before returning to me, '…as a long-term couple."_

_My first instinct was to tell her that this conversation wasn't necessary. There was nothing she could say that would deter me from that goal of 'long-term.' In fact, I'd already conducted my own research on clinical depression. I was aware of the basics; Bella could have good days and bad days, just as she could go weeks, months, years without falling into clinical depression. Or she could wake up one morning feeling out of control, and it could spiral from there for...a while. Either way, I was ready to be what she needed, when she needed, and I wanted to reassure her that I was aware and that I'd love her in any way, shape, or form. _

_But, I'd never treat Bella's struggles so flippantly. Instead, I nodded and allowed her to continue._

OOOOO

Early Thanksgiving morning, darkness still blanketed the Tribeca streets. Only city lights and the season's first dusting of snow offered a contrast to the murky outdoors. Indoors, I laid in bed, uncharacteristically delaying the beginning of the day and staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts kept shifting from place to place, yet they kept ending up on Bella. At the moment, they were on the last time she and I were together, the night before she left for Washington.

_I'd cocooned Bella from behind as we laid in bed on our sides. And while I stroked her breasts with one hand, with the other, I held her leg up so I could grind inside her deep and slow…pulling out almost all the way then pushing back in languidly._

_"God, Edward...I feel every inch..." _

_All the while, Bella's body arched and undulated, her head angled sideways so that our mouths and tongues met and retreated. When her breaths quickened, I thrust faster, freeing her leg and skimming my hand further down her body. And when she fell apart, she squeezed me so tightly from inside, I fell euphorically along with her. _

I squeezed my eyes shut. If I concentrated hard, I could still recall the exact sounds she made, and if I…if I fisted my hand around my-

With a loud groan, I turned on my stomach and fisted the damn pillows instead.

"Come on. You're a fucking thirty-five year old man, not a fifteen-year-old pubescent. And after almost two years of celibacy, you can go a few weeks without coming."

By now, the throbbing caused by the memory was torture. I'd resorted to the poor substitute that was my own hand more than once during the time when Bella and I were apart, back when I'd ruined our chances with my lies and omissions. But now, we'd worked through it, and this was a different sort of separation; she was in Washington, visiting her dad, and afterward she'd be on her book tour. Nonetheless, we were _together_. We were a couple.

In one motion, I lunged out of bed and stalked toward the bathroom. Bypassing the light switch, I turned the shower on and set the temperature control sharply to 'C,' yelping embarrassingly and pretty much like one of those pubescents as I stretched out my arms and legs, and threw back my head. Then, I allowed the cold water to take care of the issue down below.

Ten minutes later, I was fully awake, dressed in sweats and hoodie, and gazing out of the large, industrial windows in the living room, debating my options. The dusting of snow had grown thicker, its icy particles glimmering off the sidewalks. If I didn't get my morning run in soon, I'd be slipping and sliding through the streets. It was surprisingly tempting, the desire to get back in bed and just dream of Bella, but though the cold shower relieved my physical tension, my mind was still worked up. With a deep breath, I flipped up my hood, turned around, and headed for the door.

A few minutes later, my feet pounded the snow-covered pavement, and my mind drifted to Bella's and my last conversation, when we'd Face-timed the night before. She'd told her dad about us, and he wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of his daughter being in love with the brother of the woman who'd tried to ruin his daughter's life.

"_I get that," I'd said honestly. "I never said it wasn't a strange situation." _

_But when __I'd mentioned wanting to meet her father, Bella wasn't exactly gung-ho on the idea._

"_Edward, I'm a grown woman. I respect my father, but I don't need his approval."_

I wasn't a father. But, if the protectiveness Charlie Swan felt toward his daughter was anything resembling the protectiveness I felt toward my nephew, then Charlie's wariness made total sense. And just as extrapolating through my situation with JJ helped me understand Charlie's viewpoint, it also helped me understand that I would always want to meet anyone who claimed any sort of importance, whether positive or negative, in JJ's life. I could only imagine Charlie might want the same.

Nonetheless, Bella and I were thousands of miles apart, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset her...or push her in any way, with so much distance between us. So, I'd changed the subject.

_"How's your arm? Did the soreness go away?" _

_"Yeah. Tell Emmett he's a good vaccine technician, for a man-bun-wearing microbiologist."_

_I'd chuckled at the easy relationship that had developed in just a few days, between Bella and Emmett. _

_"Bella, right now, with the distribution of that booster, things are pretty hectic here, especially since a few cases of the H5N2 strain are beginning to pop up." I sighed and raked a hand through my hair. "But it should die down once we get the booster into full distribution. You told your parents to get vaccinated, right?"_

_"Yep. I even accompanied my dad to the neighborhood pharmacy yesterday. His name is one of the first on the list. Did you get your booster? I know the one I received was meant for you."_

_Suddenly, I regretted bringing up the vaccine topic. The truth was, since I'd given her my dose, I'd have to wait right along with the general public for full distribution, which was fine; I wasn't stupid, and I knew enough to stay away from potentially risky situations until I received my booster. Nonetheless, I didn't need Bella pointlessly worrying about me while she should be focused on her book tour._

_"Don't listen to him." I smirked over the phone screen and waved off her concern. "There's plenty to go around. Bella…once all this does die down, if you'd like, I can meet you on your tour in a few weeks."_

_It was dusk, and as she walked through her father's rural neighborhood, framed by the white-peaked mountains in the background, she'd offered me a careful smile._

_"Edward, I know how frenzied things are for you right now."_

_"Yes, but I can do Christmas if you want me to."_

_Bella stopped walking. "Do you really still think I don't want you to? Let's make another promise, Edward," she added when I made no reply, "that from now on, we'll be honest with one another, even if we're communicating through a phone."_

_She was right. Omissions, half-truths, and miscommunication had ruined our budding relationship once before. There was no way in hell I'd allow it to happen again. _

_"Okay. Here we go. I still sense hesitancy from you, and believe me, I understand how fucked up this situation is, more for you than for me."_

_She'd retorted instantly, resuming a fast and anxious stride down the dark street. "See? That's not it at all. I mean…" she exhaled, "it's fucked up all around, Edward. How am I supposed to make you pick between spending the holidays with me or with your family?"_

_And therein lay the misapprehension. _

_"Trust me," I'd chuckled mirthlessly, "that's not a difficult choice. The only reason I'm showing up for dinner tomorrow is because my mother begged me."_

_'And for JJ,' I almost added. Because there were sacrifices one would make for a kid - in my case, for my nephew. And if that meant spending a holiday with Alice and even Jasper, I'd do so. But I'd never hurt Bella by pointlessly verbalizing that._

_"Either way, you shouldn't have to choose, yet I can't stand here, thousands of miles away, and lie to you by telling you that I'd be okay with being around your sister or your nephew or even around your father again. Or meeting your mother. How is any of that fair to you, Edward?"_

_"Because I don't care. We'll keep things separate. I'm fine with it." I shrugged._

_"But I'm not," she'd whispered through the phone. _

_The silence stretched out between us, because what could I say? How could I make her understand that she…she was the one everyone else needed to be rearranged by, not the other way around._

_"Go to bed, Edward," she said softly. "It's late for you."_

_More than anything, I wanted to lift her obviously downcast spirits. Yet, Bella and I had discussed her mental health, and I wouldn't disrespect her by arrogantly believing myself capable of reversing her moods. _

_"I wanted to be the first person to wish you a happy Thanksgiving."_

_Over the small screen, I watched her swallow. "You are. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I love you, Edward. Just because I'm having a bit of an off day doesn't mean I don't love you. Do you remember one of the things I told you a few nights before I left New York City?"_

_"Yeah. You said if you're willing to tell me it was a bad day, then it wasn't that bad a day. When you don't say anything about it-"_

_"That's when you need to worry." She offered me a wistful smile. "You remember. Edward, a wise person once told me, 'Knowing is better than not knowing,' and he advised me to grab someone I trusted when I didn't want to walk out alone. So…I grabbed someone I trusted."_

_"Bella…" I drew in a deep breath and released it heavily, "you kill me, you know that?"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Oh, my love, I meant that in the best possible way." I smiled in return. "You bring light to my life, Bella. Strangely and possibly selfishly enough, even when you're down, you're the light of my life, even when you're thousands of miles away, even in the dead of winter; and if I can repay you for that by having the honor of being the one you grab when you don't want to walk out alone-"_

_Again, her footsteps halted. "You see, Edward? It's when you say things like that." She shook her head, and even through the small screen, I could the glassiness in her eyes, and for a second, I hated myself. _

_"Edward, I'm trying to tell you that **I'm** honored to have you to grab when I don't want to be alone, but when you say things like that..." she choked. "You love me so unconditionally, and I know, as an empowered woman, I'm not supposed to say this, but when you say things like that...you're my heart and my soul, Edward, and you do make those off days just a bit brighter." _

_After a few moments, I was finally able to swallow the lump in my throat and reply, though my voice sounded hoarse when I spoke. _

_"I love you too. And I'll go to bed after I read a few more pages from the best goddamn novel ever."_

_Her ensuing chuckle returned the air to my lungs. __"Praising my work helps too. Okay. I'm glad you're enjoying it, baby."_

_I grinned. "Let me know, whenever you're ready, about Christmas."_

_She nodded. "I will."_

OOOOO

After my morning run, I took care of a few errands, spoke with my mom, who extracted another promise from me that I'd be there by early afternoon for our family Thanksgiving meal. JJ had slept over - again - and then he came on the line and kept me entertained for a few with his almost-two-year-old version of conversation. Finally, Esme reminded me to pick up a few loaves of bread from one of the bakeries downtown which she loved.

Every half hour or so, I checked the time, waiting until the three-hour difference between New York and Washington State's time zones didn't make it too early to call Bella.

I returned to my apartment with the loaves of bread under one arm, and a small, trussed-up pine tree in my other hand. The snowfall had continued sporadically throughout the morning, lending an ivory brightness to the day. That, combined with the tree I carried, would paint a picture for Bella over the phone. She'd told me she loved snow, just as she'd mentioned the gloomy gray of the town in which she'd grown up. I hoped a peek through our laptop screens at New York City's first snowfall of the year...and our first tree as a couple, might make her smile.

A few feet from the door to my building, I pulled out my phone. It was ten-thirty a.m., and I decided I'd give her another half hour before I called. Re-pocketing the phone, I looked up and came to a halt so suddenly that my feet slipped and slid in the snow. The bread went flying in all directions, while the tree fell and bounced over the snowy concrete, all so that I could throw my arms out and attempt to regain my balance. For a few heart pounding and precarious seconds, it was pretty touch and go.

All the while, Alice laughed heartily, her hands dug deep in the pockets of her long, Burberry trench, making no attempt to move or assist me. When I did regain my balance, the first words from her mouth pretty much summed up her expression.

"God, that would've been fucking priceless. I would've paid good money to watch you fall on your ass."

I took her in wordlessly and impassively as I snatched up the wet loaves, bypassed her, and flung them into the nearest garbage bin. Then I picked up the tree and shook it off.

"It's good to see you too." Giving her another wide berth, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the vestibule door.

She stood behind me. "Aww, don't take that too personally. Happy Thanksgiving, big brother."

Snorting at the obviously hollow well-wish, I pushed open the door and replied blandly.

"Yeah, you too."

She followed me through the lobby, the click-clacking of her high-heeled leather boots resounding off the tiles and setting me on alert. Alice hadn't paid me a visit since the week I'd moved into my loft, years ago. Nonetheless, as I pressed the elevator call button, I kept my expression inscrutable, though my hand fisted the small tree tensely. All the while, she waited opposite me with plenty to say, but none of it an explanation for what the hell she was doing here.

"Why you choose to live in a building without a doorman is beyond me."

"I've found opening my own door doesn't require too much effort on my part."

"Yeah, but I had to wait outside in the snow, freezing my ass off."

"Maybe if you wore a coat and boots made more for function than fashion..."

"That's what cabs are for, Edward, to get one from A to B without getting cold or wet or dirty." She spoke slowly, in case I had a hard time understanding the concept of _cabs_. "I sure as hell didn't expect to have to wait outside while you what, bought a Christmas tree? Since when do you buy Christmas trees?"

When I offered her a wooden look along with my non-reply, she rolled her eyes and muttered.

"I got my new coat all wet because you couldn't be home, and this piece-of-shit building doesn't-"

"I'm sorry, Alice, but I'm a bit confused," I said, cutting her off as the elevator arrived. Instinct more than anything made me step aside so that she could walk in first. "Not that I'm not honored by your visit, but why are you here? Did I miss something? Did hell actually freeze over?" I said, referencing the condition she'd placed on her last visit, years ago, for when she'd visit next.

She shot me a scowl as she walked into the tight elevator. "Whatever."

I walked in after her, and the doors closed.

"You've got to admit it's a bit out of the ordinary, especially considering we'll be seeing one another this afternoon at our parents' house."

"One big, happy family, right?" she sneered as the elevator rode upward.

It wasn't an answer, and I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't provide one until she was ready. As the elevator made it's quick climb, we watched one another warily.

"So, where's my nephew?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

"Esme and Daddy asked me to let him sleep over," she said, inspecting her manicure and shrugging along with her lie, "so I let him."

"Mom and Dad asked you, huh?" I echoed with a nod. "On Thanksgiving Day, they wanted him to wake up in their house instead of with his parents."

"What do you want me to tell you, Edward?" she replied caustically. "Like you said, we'll all be together this afternoon anyway."

I stared at her. "And like you said, one big happy family."

The elevator arrived at my floor, and again, I held the door open for her. When I unlocked the door to my loft, she breezed in.

"Make yourself at home," I muttered as I walked in behind her.

Alice strode directly to the middle of the spacey loft, tracking melted snow and dirt under her heels and across the wood floors. She stopped and looked around as if she were searching for something...or someone.

Meanwhile, I took my time removing my wet running shoes by the door and setting the tree carefully against the wall, all the while prepping. No, Alice wasn't stupid, but neither was I. She watched me as I reached behind my neck and pulled off the damp hoodie, flinging it across the room.

I sighed when I was done. "Are you ready to tell me why you're here?"

She offered me a mock grin. "What sort of hospitality is that, big brother? Nice flowers, by the way." She jerked her jaw toward a dozen, colorful roses resting in a glass vase on the coffee table.

"Glad you like 'em," I said dryly.

They'd caught my eye one night as I walked home, a bunch of colorful roses set in a large, rusted pail at the foot of the red apple display at the corner fruit stand. I'd bought them because they looked like a rainbow, expecting nothing more from Bella than a smile.

She'd beamed at me, wrapping her warm arms around my neck and kissing me until we were both breathless. Afterward, she'd found a vase in the apartment, probably left at some point by my mom, and it and the roses had been on the coffee table ever since.

Now, they were dying.

"How about offering me a drink or something?"

"A drink, Alice?" I sighed.

She quirked a brow.

"Fine. Water?"

"I was hoping for something stronger, but if water's all you have, it'll have to do."

I chuckled mirthlessly as I made my way to the kitchen and she followed. There was wine in the fridge, a leftover bottle Bella and I had shared, but I wasn't making this any easier for her, whatever exactly this was, by offering her liquid courage. Though, I had a vague idea where this was going.

"This shit-hole looks...different," she said pointedly.

I replied succinctly. "Does it?"

Pulling a glass out of the cabinet, I stuck it under the fridge's water dispenser and slid the full glass across the counter to her. Then, I leaned against the stove, crossed my arms against my chest, my right ankle over my left, and waited.

She ignored the glass. "I saw that wine you had in the fridge. Thanks for the offer."

I said nothing.

"Since when do you buy flowers and set them around the apartment, Edward? And all these pretty kitchen towels," she said, jerking her jaw toward the various towels Bella had left in conveniently strategic places for my use. "They're not very manly."

Again, I chuckled. "Alice, forgive me if I take issue with your definition of _manly_."

She scowled at me, and for a long while, we simply took one another in from across the kitchen counter. My sister looked...tired; frustrated. For all her expensive clothing, she had dark circles rimming her eyes. They stood out against a pale, splotchy face. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot as if she'd spent a long while...crying.

No matter what, it pissed me off.

"What is your sad definition of a man up to today? Why aren't you-"

"We had a fight," she spat. "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon."

I shook my head and raked a hand through my hair. "Alice, seriously, you need to cut that fucker out of-"

"I had a job interview yesterday." Now, she spoke in a deceivingly conversational tone.

"Did you?"

"Yeah. A shitty publication I didn't really want to work at anyway," she said, basically letting me know how that interview worked out. "They had that same magazine," she sneered, gesturing to a magazine on the counter, which Bella and I had looked at and laughed at excitedly together. "No one really reads those cuz they're cheesy as fuck, and the only thing they're good for is to set out in waiting areas to bore people to death."

She waited, while I gave her nothing.

"There's a stupid article in a forgotten little corner on one of those pages. Nonsense no one cares about regarding up and coming artists...and supposed writers," she gritted, "who'll never go anywhere. For example," she seethed, "there were two sad, little sentences about a woman I used to work with, who managed to get a shitty publishing house to offer her some shitty deal on some piece-of-garbage novel she wrote. They're sending her on tour; can you fucking believe that?" she snorted. "Right after she visits her family in Washington State, for Thanksgiving."

It was a monumental struggle to keep an impassive expression and to bite back the furious retorts aching to break free. But that was obviously her intent. Not only did my sister thrive on confrontation, but if I was going to ensure I handled this in the most assured manner which would keep her venomous mouth away from Bella, I had to remain in control. And all I could think was thank fuck that Bella was safe and sound in Forks and away from this poisonous, envious woman.

So instead, when she paused, though all her verbiage was planned to get a rise out of me, though her eyes shot daggers, I simply exhaled, calmly shifted my feet, and recrossed the left ankle over right.

"Well?" she said, her voice shaking with acrimony. "Do you have anything to say about that?'

"Other than it sounds like that article was more than two sentences long?"

"You asshole," she flung, apparently unable to hold back any longer. "Don't deny it, Edward. I know you're with her!"

I offered her a careless shrug. "I'm not admitting or denying anything because I don't see how whatever you're talking about would be any of your business one way or another."

"Of course it's my fucking business!" she spat. "I asked Daddy this morning, and he said he didn't know, but I can tell when he's lying to me. And besides, I know someone said something to _him_! That's why he was acting the way he was! That's why he started a fight with me!"

"What are you talking about? Someone said something to who?"

"How could you do this to me, Edward?"

I chuckled mirthlessly and shook my head in disbelief. "You know what, Alice? Your gall has no bounds. How could _I_ do this to you?" I echoed. "Little sister, I haven't done a damn thing to you."

"All my life, you've been a thorn in my side. Mister Fucking Perfect, the one everyone always openly admired while quietly wondering why the fuck I was such a screw up when it was your fault! And you're _still_ trying to prove how much better than me you are!"

"Alice, I seriously have no clue what the hell you're talking about. I live my life for myself, not to prove anything about you. You do that on your own. What's more, like I said, I don't see how my life is your business one way or another."

"But mine's always been your business, right?" she shrieked furiously.

"All I've ever done is try to help you," I snapped, close to losing my patience.

"I've never wanted your fucking help!"

"Yeah, you've made that abundantly clear, time and again," I hissed. "So, instead of coming down here to fight with me over some imagined wrong I've done you now, when we've barely interacted with one another in years, why don't you go home to your son, and take care of him. At least be the one parent who-"

"Fuck you! Don't tell us how to take care of JJ!"

"-who gives thanks that you have him, because not everyone's that fucking lucky."

"This is all your fault!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "_You_ brought her back into our lives! He'd forgotten her! I know he had, and whatever fucking problems we had were totally unrelated to her! And now…"

I'll admit it took me a few seconds to realize this wasn't about some perceived wrongs I'd apparently done Alice since birth; not really. It wasn't about me or her hatred of me; not completely. It wasn't even about Bella; not directly. He was so rarely in the picture that for a handful of seconds, I forgot the motherfucker.

'_He'd forgotten her!'_

_'And now…'_

Blood which had begun a slow simmer in my veins now raged into a rolling boil. All semblance of control balanced on a dangerous precipice.

"Now _what_, Alice?"

She glared at me, her breathing fast and heavy, nostrils flaring. Her jaw, the same shape as my father's and mine, remained squared tightly.

I pushed away from the stove and leaned across the counter, my hands splayed out on the flat surface between us.

"Oh, _now_ you're going to stay shut, so you can play fucking games," I scowled. "Now, when we're getting to the crux of why the hell you're really here."

She spoke through gritted teeth. "You don't deserve for me to tell you-"

I banged the counter hard with both open palms. "Alice!"

"Jasper went to Forks!" She hurled the words like a poisoned dagger. "He's been an asshole for days, distracted, and now I know why! We had a fight, and he left for that Podunk town they come from, supposedly to see his parents, but he went looking for _her_, for Bella! And it's all your fault!"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

***Chapter song rec: _Never say Never_ by The Fray**

_"Picture you're the queen of everything_  
_Far as the eye can see_  
_Under your command_  
_I will be your guardian when all is crumbling_  
_Steady your hand"_

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon!**


	31. Chapter 30

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 30**

* * *

For a handful of seconds after her outburst, both Alice and I stood immobile and mute, taking one another in from opposite sides of the narrow, kitchen island. She had our father's blue eyes, but now they looked inky, darkened by acrimony, by the recriminations she'd just spewed, and by the matching circles rimming her eyes. Her shoulders rose and fell in time with her frenzied heaves. Yet, for all her agitation, my thoughts were about a million miles away from her and her issues.

While she stewed, I made plans. I mentally cleared my schedule for the next few days - moved around meetings, handed off tasks, etc. I calculated the best routes to JFK at this time of Thanksgiving Day. I estimated flight times from the East Coast to the West Coast. How long the drive took from Seattle-Tacoma airport to the small town of Forks, Washington was one thing I couldn't approximate, but I could easily GPS that information and those directions. Either way, I was pretty sure I could have Jasper Hale in a choke-hold by late evening.

When Alice's eyes flashed to the counter space between us and then narrowed, I followed their trajectory. Just a few moments earlier, my hands had been splayed open, fingers stretched wide. Now, they were in fists so tight that my knuckle-bones protruded like sharp daggers.

"What are you going to do?"

She whispered the question, and I replied in an equally low yet rumbling voice.

"First...are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I'm fucking sure," she spat. "For days, he's been on edge and even more of an...apathetic asshole..." - the last words came out strangled, for a fraction of a second betraying the pain she concealed with her umbrage - "than usual."

"Alice, that damn guy's not worth your pain or your-"

"The other night, when I checked his phone while he slept-"

"You check his phone while he sleeps?"

"Yes, I do! And you're stupid if you think _she_ doesn't check yours. None of you assholes can be trusted. Look at what dear old Daddy did to your mother with mine."

And there went any modicum of sympathy I may have started feeling for my kid sister.

"Jesus." When I shut my eyes and shook my head, she expelled a bitter laugh.

"Oh, I forgot. You're Mister Perfect. You would never do anything like that, would you?"

My eyes snapped open. "Though I'd love to stand here and point out all the massive flaws in your argument and in your relationship if you feel the need to check that fucker's phone, we don't have the time. Go on. You checked his phone." I snorted. "Then what?"

"Besides the phone numbers I found that I couldn't place...whatever. The point is, I found an incoming call from Daddy to him."

"And?"

She offered me an exaggerated huff as if the rest should've been obvious. "Daddy never calls him, Edward. I know you think I'm stupid, but I can figure things out too. I pick up on clues just as well as you supposedly do in your shitty job. It was after that phone call that Jasper started acting stupider than usual. So, I confronted him, and he finally told me at least part of what Daddy told him; though, I know there had to be more."

I drew in a deep breath and released it in a long, hard exhalation while simultaneously raking a hand through my hair. Yeah, I was starting to pick up on the clues too. And the clues were pointing to the possibility that Carlisle might need a choking as well.

"What did Dad tell him?"

"Daddy told him that he had reason to believe that you and that _bitch_-"

"Get out, Alice."

Her head jerked back. "You're throwing _me_ out?"

I replied by wordlessly rounding the counter and making my way to the door. Alice followed while still spewing her garbage.

"I knew _you_ and that...that _woman_ were together again! When I spoke to Daddy, he played stupid and denied he said anything about it to Jasper, but as soon as I walked in here, I knew it was true!"

I opened the door. "I've heard enough to get the big picture. Now, do me a favor, and go."

Without another word, I turned around dismissively, then I retrieved my hoodie from where I'd dropped it near the door. Anxiously yanking my cell phone out of the kangaroo pocket, I breathed a sigh of partial relief when I checked the phone and found no missed calls from Bella. Hopefully, that meant there was nothing rotten going on in the rainy town of Forks. All the while, the silence behind me alerted me to the fact that despite my dismissal, Alice hadn't budged. With an internal groan, I rounded on my sister.

"Seriously, Alice, I've got things to do."

"I guess we're all detectives in our family, huh? You've heard enough to piece together the rest. Daddy figured out something you obviously didn't confide in him. Jasper started a fight with me so he could supposedly '_take a breather in Forks with my folks_.'" She made air quotes as she mimicked what I assumed was the asshole's voice. "But then I saw that article, and I know he must've found out somehow that she'd be there. Then I come over here, and the second I walk in, this place reeks of her-"

My hackles rose again. "Alice, I asked you to-"

"-and it has all those female touches that _bitch_-"

"DAMN IT, ALICE, ENOUGH!"

Her mouth fell shut. Yet, she stood there undaunted and glowering at me. Her nostrils flared wildly as if somehow, she were the affronted party, while I pinched the bridge of my nose and bit down hard on my tongue because the retort danced on its tip. When I spoke, it was through gritted teeth, my tenuous self-control hanging by a proverbial thread.

"Don't force me to say things I won't be able to retract."

She expelled an acidic chuckle. "Though that right there says it all, doesn't it, big brother? Just as you meant it to."

For a handful of seconds, we watched one another warily, and I realized that for all the antagonism between us, my sister and I knew one another pretty well.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what you're going to do."

I gave her an acerbic grin. "Oh, don't worry. I told you once, the fact that he's my nephew's father is his saving grace. I won't hurt him...too badly."

"Oh, but I _want_ you to hurt him." She hissed the words, her voice quaking with her admitted eagerness before her eyes flashed to the cell phone clutched in my hand. "Why do you think I'm here? You don't really think I came to warn you so that you could defend _her_? She would've killed me That Day in the lobby had the cops not arrived when they did."

"Alice, she was never a threat to you, and you knew it."

"She was and she is. _She_ doesn't need defending. _She_ planned all this, and she's only with you to torture Jasper and me."

"Alice," I warned again.

"Do you really think she gives two shits about you, Edward? This is all about her taking Jasper back."

"Alice," I said through a tightly squared jaw.

"Yet you're going to play _her_ hero now, aren't you? You're going to take care of Jasper, but not on my behalf, rather on _her_ behalf. So, who defends me and what's mine? Even in that lobby-"

"Jesus, Alice, _you_ were the thief in that lobby! _Nothing_ there was yours!"

"Except _you_ were _my_ brother!" she spat. "Yet you stood by _her_ side - a perfect stranger's side - the entire time! Even after she threatened to kill me! Even after she broke your nose! What's more, the baby in my belly was your nephew, _is_ your nephew, who you act like you care about so much, yet _she's_ trying to steal his father, and you're going to let her because you're too pussy-whipped to see what's really happening here!"

Drained of every iota of patience, my reply started out low yet grew louder and more scathing with each successive sentence.

"You know, I knew you had no scruples, but to stoop low enough to use your son that way?" Shaking my head, I jerked a finger toward the elevator. "Alice, go home to your son and protect and defend him the way a goddamn parent should protect and defend their child. He should be your real fucking concern here. He should be your goddamn priority instead of a guy who's made it clear from day one that you were nothing more to him than an affair gone wrong. Worry about JJ and about what the train wreck you've made of your fucking life is going to do to him as he grows up. It's fucking Thanksgiving!" I gripped my hair in both hands. "Go thank your lucky fucking stars that you were somehow granted something so precious because seriously?" I chuckled caustically. "I have no clue what fucked-up force in this universe decided _you_ of all people deserved to procreate."

Even as I spoke, I regretted the words, but like verbal vomit, they just kept fucking coming. And at that moment I couldn't, in all honesty, say my regrets had anything to do with her; not even as her inky blue eyes grew glassier and glassier, or as her mouth fell open a bit more with each ensuing proclamation until it hung completely agape. By then, she'd pushed me too far.

I regretted them because of JJ, because of my nephew. I'd lost control, and I could blame the vitriol she spat for provoking me, but _I'd_ lost control. And in so doing, I'd done exactly what I'd just accused Alice of doing: I'd used JJ. Even worse, I'd implied that JJ was a mistake.

"Fuck." I swallowed hard. "Alice, I didn't mean-"

"Just one mistake begetting another, huh?"

"You know I don't believe JJ is a mistake."

Alice reiterated my words. "You don't believe _JJ_ was a mistake. I know that; I do know that. I've caught glimpses of how you are with him, and he worships his Uncle Edward, so...yeah, you don't believe _he_ was a mistake. You would've made a good dad, Edward; definitely a better one than our father or JJ's father."

All the while, I held her gaze guardedly, prepping myself for the hit I knew was coming, though I may not have known its exact form. Yes, I knew my sister, and she knew me. I'd just hit her where it hurt, and she'd make sure she paid me back in kind.

"It's a shame, really," she shrugged, "and for a second, I almost felt sorry for you." When she leaned in close and stood on her tiptoes, she clarified the rest in a faux whisper. "Because _she_ can't have kids, which means if you ever had dreams of having a kid of your own, you should probably let 'em go. So, whether _I_ deserve JJ or not, it looks like _I'll_ be the only Cullen sibling who'll ever procreate." She pulled away with a scornful grin and tilted her head as she took me in. "So maybe you're not Mister Perfect after all, big brother."

With that, Alice made her way to the elevator. The moment she pressed the call button, the doors opened, and as soon as she disappeared inside, the cell phone in my hand vibrated. I stepped into the loft, simultaneously shutting the door and answering the Facetime call.

Bella was seated at the small table in her father's kitchen, wrapped in a robe and drinking a mug of coffee - dark and bitter. When she caught sight of me on the screen, she pulled the mug away from her face and smiled. She looked recently woken, a shot of pure beauty with her hair up in a careless ponytail and her smooth face clear of wiped of anything that wasn't _her_. For a moment, I almost forgot the shit-fest my sister had brought to my door.

"Hey, baby. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Bella. Hi." I scrubbed a hand down my face and took the winding steps two at a time up to the bedroom. "Happy...I'm sorry, love. I..." I exhaled heavily.

Bella's brow furrowed, and she set down the mug with an audible thud.

"Edward, baby, what's wrong?"

I paused at the top step and gripped my hair. "Bella, I just found out your ex-husband is over there, in Forks, and I've got reason to believe he may try to approach-"

Bella replied with surprising calm. "I know, Edward. He was here a short while ago."

I shot to the closet and pulled out my duffel bag. "What did he want?"

She sighed. "He wanted to apologize, and...to seek a reconciliation."

"That motherfucker." I flung the duffel on top of the bed.

"Edward, I'm not telling you this to upset you, but because I don't want secrets between us. I've had that sort of relationship - twice. The first time, the secrets were kept from me. The second time, I kept the secrets, because I was in love with you, but I wasn't ready to admit it, not even to myself yet. Either way, secrets in a relationship don't work."

"I don't want secrets either, Bella. So, tell me the truth." I stopped and stood perfectly still in the middle of the bedroom. "Are you okay? Did he upset you? Did he...did he touch you in any way?"

"No, no," she said quickly, then chuckled mirthlessly. "I mean, it wasn't a fun conversation, but I'm fine. He just spewed a lot of nonsense, how the stress in our marriage, the stress from our failed fertility attempts, and the mounting bills from the treatments led him to the affair with...with your sister. He said he made a mistake, that he didn't belong in the city, and you know what?" When she choked on those last few words, I took a seat at the edge of the bed, already savoring the sound Jasper's jaw would make when I broke it.

"What?" I prompted.

"Edward, throughout his entire speech, he didn't even mention his son, your nephew. I mean, what kind of a parent selfishly disregards his or her child that way?"

I shook my head. "Go on, my love."

Bella shrugged. "That's basically it, Edward. There's not much more to tell. I mean, he kept at it for a bit, but it was all just more of the same nonsense, though he seemed to know that you and I were together. I got the feeling that knowledge was more or less the impetus for his visit."

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he knows. My sister paid me a short visit as well."

For one long moment, Bella eyed me carefully. "No secrets, remember?"

"I remember," I breathed. "I just wasn't sure you'd want to discuss...anyway, she knows he's there, and she knows why. It got...pretty loud here."

"Oh, Edward." Bella shook her head. "And here Jasper thought he left her behind thinking he only meant to visit his parents."

"Alice is stupid, but she's not stupid."

"I know. I...remember. And I warned him that if she figured out what he was up to, she'd tell you."

"And what did the bastard say to that?" I snarled.

Bella simply smiled. "That gave him some pause. It looks like he might be a bit scared of you."

"Not scared enough to walk a straight fucking line. That's fine, though." I stood from the bed and made my way to the dresser drawers, pulling open the top one. "I should be there by early evening your time."

"You should be where?" Through the screen, Bella appeared suddenly wary.

"In Forks." Pulling out a fistful of boxers and a few tee shirts, I made my way to the duffel resting on top of the bed.

"In Forks?"

I shoved everything in and returned to the drawers for more. "Yeah."

"Why, and what are you doing?"

"Packing."

Bella's silence lasted and made me pause.

"You're joking me, right?" she said as I took her in through the screen.

Sighing, I raked a hand through my hair. "Bella, I'm so damn grateful you're okay. When Alice told me Jasper went looking for you...and after the off day you had yesterday, Bella I've been so fucking worried," I admitted. "That motherfucker hurt you, on so many goddamn levels."

"Yeah, but Edward, yesterday's off day was yesterday's off day. Just like the hurt he caused me was also another day in the past. _Today_, I took care of Jasper."

"I understand you took care of him, but he needs to know-"

"Whatever he needs to know regarding _me_," - she pointed at herself - "_I've_ made clear."

"You're not hearing me."

"Oh, I am hearing you, loud and clear. You're not hearing me, or rather I should say you're selectively hearing me."

"I don't want to argue with you."

"Then, don't, and unpack that bag."

"Bella, what if he tries this shit again?" I hissed, all my righteous fury returned full force because the bastard had to be made to understand. Didn't he?

"He can try whatever he wants." She shrugged with a bewildering sense of carelessness. "Controlling his actions isn't something I can do. I can only focus on my reaction to those actions."

"That sounds great, Bella; it really does," I spat, "and I'm sure Rose had the best intentions when she told you that, but _I'm_ here now," I said, digging my thumb into my chest, "to make sure that neither Jasper nor my sister ever messes with you or your mental health again."

When she reeled back, all my fury dissipated in an instant.

"Fuck. Bella, I'm sorry. That was...massively condescending both toward you and toward Rose. And unbelievably, chauvinistically fucked up."

She didn't reply right away, but when she did...her tone was much more composed and gentle...and forgiving than I'd expected...than I knew I deserved.

"Here's the thing, Edward: I don't think it's _my_ mental health they're affecting right now, babe."

I fell heavily on the edge of the bed again and swallowed hard.

"Edward, I don't like how...agitated you look right now. Mental health and physical health are all interrelated, remember?"

"I'm furious at both of them, Bella; I can't help it."

She sighed heavily, holding my gaze through the small screen. "Edward...I stopped loving Jasper long ago-,

I sucked my teeth. "Bella, it's not that. I'm not worried that you still love him. I didn't think for a moment you'd take him back. But he can still hurt you."

She chuckled quietly. "But that's what I'm trying to tell you, Edward. Up until today, there _was_ still a part of me controlled by the things he did in the past. Today, when he stopped by, I realized he no longer even has that power over me. Today, for the very first time, I saw Jasper through the eyes of an individual who understands that _his_ past and current mistakes no longer affect _my_ present or my future. If anything," she smiled somewhat impishly, "he did me a favor with his impromptu visit."

"I want to at least talk to him," I insisted.

The smile fell from her face. "Edward, no. We both know you'd do more than _talk _to him."

I threw my head up and growled at the ceiling. The growl morphed into a mirthless chuckle. "Unbelievable. I had my sister here a few minutes ago, begging me to take care of Jasper for her."

"I'm not your sister, Edward."

When I looked back at the screen and took in Bella's stoic expression, shame replaced anger.

"I know. You're not. Not at all."

"Edward," she breathed, "here's something else I learned from Rose when she was my therapist: 'A real princess slays her own fucking dragons.'"

This time, my ensuing chuckle held a bit more genuine humor. Nonetheless, when I stopped chuckling, I had to draw in a series of cleansing breaths.

"I still wish you'd let me-"

"No."

"I'm not happy with this."

She shrugged again. "I can tell. It's not going to sway me, though I do wish you'd let it go. Not just for me...but for you."

I snorted and shook my head.

OOOOO

We ended our call with an unstable truce, and with my still being unable to give her my word that I wouldn't board a flight to Forks. Either way, I still had another person and his stupidity to contend with.

"Dad."

"Edward." My father sighed, while in the background, I could hear JJ crying and my mom's voice, trying to calm him. "Your sister...she called."

"Of course she did."

Carlisle's voice was weak and quivery. "Son, I apologize. I never intended-"

"As we've discussed, we both know what the road to hell is paved with."

"Edward-"

"Dad, I'm tired. I'm fucking drained from dealing with your daughter as well as with the consequences of whatever you said to her piece-of-shit boyfriend. Please, just tell me what you said to Jasper about Bella and me."

When Carlisle sighed, he sounded as exhausted as I felt. "Edward, I simply didn't want a repeat of what happened last time, when Jasper went looking for Bella, and Alice found out and went after her as well. I hoped if I warned Jasper quietly that...that you and his ex-wife appeared to be together, he'd finally settle into his relationship with your sister."

I snorted. "And Alice worries she has no heroes championing her."

"When she called me a couple of days ago, I said nothing, I promise you, Edward. Unfortunately, it seems she didn't need my confirmation, and from what I gathered through her furious shrieks a short while earlier...it appears Jasper followed Bella to Washington State."

All the while, in the background, JJ cried harder.

"Alice isn't stupid, Dad, plus she checks Jasper's phone because she's sure all men cheat. I'll let you puzzle that one out later, but the immediate result of your once again misplaced efforts is that yeah, Jasper decided to follow Bella to Washington State for Thanksgiving, to see if he could convince her to give him one more chance."

"Fuck," Carlisle spat. "And what did she say?"

"She said no, Dad! What the...do you not understand the meaning of a commitment? She said no, and Alice found out about Jasper's visit and paid me a visit. Now, I won't go into everything that was said between us, because I'll admit I may have lost my patience and been a bit of an asshole to her, but it might be better if I don't show up for our family Thanksgiving celebration this year. Both of us in the same room might make for a dangerous time around the turkey carving."

"Edward..." Carlisle breathed heavily through his nostrils. "Son, your sister isn't coming to Thanksgiving dinner."

"What do you mean she's not going?" JJ's cries grew shriller. "I hear her son in the background."

Carlisle made no reply.

"Jesus," I breathed. "She's going to make him spend Thanksgiving without either of his parents?"

There was some shuffling over the phone, and then my mom's voice came on the line.

"Carlisle, take JJ into the kitchen and get him some water." After a short lull, my mom spoke again. "Edward, hi honey. Happy Thanksgiving." Despite the greeting, she sounded as morose as the rest of us.

I chuckled just as dismally. "Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. Is JJ okay?"

"He's upset, the poor little man. It's hard for him to understand why, but he senses...anyway, sweetheart, we'll take good care of him here. Edward honey, I know what happened. Your father confessed it all to me after Alice called her screaming, and I heard what you said to him now. While I'd love to spend Thanksgiving with you, I can imagine you're in no mood to celebrate."

"Understatement of the year, Mom."

"Edward...I understand the choices we've made, both your father and I, have led to a lot of this. Either way, Alice won't be here, and JJ deserves as close to a normal Thanksgiving as your father and I can manage."

I thought of my nephew, old enough to feel something was off, but too young to understand none of it was his fault. And...I thought of the fucked up things I said earlier.

"Jamie and his partner, Freddy will be here as well, and we'll try to make it as happy a-"

"I won't make any promises, Mom, because I'm still trying to figure out some other stuff, but I'll see if I can swing by."

My mom was quiet for a few moments. "While we'd love to see you, it's not your job, honey, to fix Alice's mistakes...to fix anyone's mistakes."

Now _I_ remained silent.

"From everything Alice screamed over the phone, and from what your dad told me...and from what I heard you saying now, it sounds like you've worked things out with Bella?"

"Yeah, Mom. Yeah, we have. I'm sorry; I was going to tell you soon."

"I'm so happy for you," she breathed. "I know how much she's meant to you for a long time now, Edward. Don't apologize for keeping it to yourself for a bit. You deserve your privacy, and after everything that's happened, I realize she may not be anxious to meet a few of us, and you may not be anxious to expose her to us."

More silence.

"Let me know, if you can, about today. Either way, I'll prepare a plate for you."

"Thanks, Mom."

"I love you, Edward."

"Love you too, Mom. Now, put my nephew on. Let me say hi to him."

"He'd love that, Edward. JJ! JJ, Uncle Edward's on the phone!"

OOOOO

I called Bella again an hour later, and then an hour after that, yet she continued insisting she didn't need me to come up to Forks. The third time I called, I sat at my desk, while her dad, Charlie was in the living room with her. When I tried, once again, to make my argument and even admitted I was searching flights, Charlie took a seat next to his daughter and introduced himself gruffly.

"Edward, I'm Charlie, Bella's dad."

"Good to meet you, sir."

"Yeah, yeah. Look here, Edward, I'll be honest; I'm none too happy about what happened today, and I can't help thinking your relationship with Bella is just gonna keep bringing these characters back into her life."

"Dad!" Bella chided.

"Sir, I'm unbelievably sorry that bastard appeared at your door, and I can't help agreeing with you," I said honestly.

"Edward, you don't have to apologize to my-"

"And that's why, sir, I'm trying to convince Bella to allow me to come to Forks and...speak with Jasper, once and for all, so that he never tries this again."

"I don't know about speaking to him," Charlie said, rubbing his jaw hard with the palm of his hand. "I rather think he needs an ass-whooping."

"Dad!"

"That would've been my preference, sir."

"Edward!"

"Really now?" Charlie nodded slowly. "Even though he's your sister's boyfriend and father to your nephew?"

"He's shitty at both of those, sir. I have no respect for the man. And though my sister and I don't see eye to eye at all, my nephew...my nephew deserves better."

All the while, Charlie studied me through the laptop screen. "Unfortunately, an ass-whooping likely wouldn't help with making him a better father to your nephew..."

"Exactly," Bella agreed quietly.

"But it might at least keep him away from Bella. What time do you think you can be here, son?"

"Dad! You're just getting him all the more worked up!"

"As if I shouldn't? As if he shouldn't be all worked up at this?"

"Your father's one hundred percent correct, Bella, and I should fucking- I'm sorry, sir, for my language."

"That's fine, son. That little motherfucker brings out the same in me."

What followed was an admittedly unfair - and unexpected - team-up between Charlie and me against Bella, which she shut down quickly by kicking him out of the livingroom and banishing him to the kitchen to check on their turkey. I was left with the gratification that at the very least, Charlie seemed to accept that his daughter was the most important being in my life, and he was no longer quite so wary of our relationship.

After Bella and I were left alone, I raked a hand through my hair and gripped it tightly.

"What am I supposed to do, Bella? Nothing?"

"Yeah. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. Let it go."

"That mother…_fucker _went looking for you all the fucking way up there. He boarded a goddamn six-hour flight, and- how long's the drive from Seattle to Forks?"

"A couple of hours or so."

"Took a two-hour fucking drive to come see you and…and to ask you to take him back. And you're asking me to do absolutely nothing about it."

"Edward, listen to me," she said softly. "You're reading way too much into it. Jasper is fickle and capricious, and the entire thing was a whim."

"A whim?" I echoed flatly. "He'd do all that for a whim. I'm sorry, but I don't see it."

"You don't see it because you're not that type of man, and because you weren't married to him for seven years."

She went on to describe an immature, self-centered young boy who'd apparently grown into an immature, self-centered young man and so far, remained that way. The picture she painted reminded me of my sister.

_"Trust_ me," she said, "to let you know when I can handle a situation on my own, and when I need you to step out with me, when I need your support."

I smiled weakly. "When you need help slaying the dragons?"

She offered me a magnanimous smile in return. "Edward, as much as I would love having you here with me, we both have responsibilities to take care of right now."

Sweeping my eyes away from her and toward the industrial windows, I sighed.

"It snowed here today. Before all this shit happened, I bought us a Christmas tree. I was going to buy some decorations, then show it all to you so that we could decorate it together, even if it was through a screen."

"Edward, that sounds beautiful."

I rubbed my jaw hard, much as her father had done earlier - the universal male sign of distress. "I wanted to be responsible for your good mood...Bella, even though I know that's not how it works."

"It's okay. Lots of times, you are - even though that's not technically how it's supposed to work."

I chuckled. "Bella, after you told me what happened this morning, I got on the phone with my father because I had to know if he'd done something stupid. Sure enough, he admitted that after you visited him, he suspected you and I were seeing one another again. So, he took it upon himself to quietly warn Jasper to keep his distance from you should I ever bring you around."

Bella smirked. "And Jasper did the exact opposite."

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry." I rubbed my forehead now. "It's like no matter what I do, I can't keep them away from you."

"It's not your fault, Edward."

"Except it kind of is, when I swore to you once that I'd never let them hurt you again. Yet by falling in love with you, I made it practically unavoidable."

"By my falling in love with you, I've caused an even bigger rift between you and your family."

"You've got to stop that, Bella. I don't want you blaming yourself, when my relationship with them was already rocky."

"Then you need to stop blaming yourself when I have to deal with them. Edward, maybe we should just…"

"What?" A sliver of ice ran up my spine. "What, Bella? Remember what we said. All honesty now, even if we have to share over phone and laptop screens."

"Maybe we should both stop pretending and acknowledge that, if you and I are going to have a future together, then at one point or another, we're all going to be at the same place at the same time, and I should just prepare myself for the eventuality."

I swallowed hard.

"Babe, what is it? I know it's just more than this situation with Jasper."

I offered her a wistful smile. "You know me well, Bella."

"I do." She grinned softly and sat up prim and proper. "So, tell me."

"Bella, I fucked up today." The rest poured out without pause. "I said things to Alice, and while I should be ashamed, I'm not; I'm only sorry for _one_ thing I said, which was an implication that JJ was a mistake, and I didn't mean it, but how could I not mean that and yet..."

"And yet...?" Bella prompted after half a minute or so.

When I replied, all that anger welling inside me since early afternoon returned. "She just pushes my buttons, you know? She's a trigger, like you say Jasper used to be for you. And she kept pushing and pushing, and I told her she didn't deserve JJ; that she should've never procreated. And I know it was fucked up, and I know mentioning it to you is also fucked up- fucked up and selfish because it's not something-"

"Edward," she interrupted.

I drew in a long breath.

"Edward, do you want to hear something?"

"From you? Always."

"I lived most of my adult life coping for other people." Her eyes flashed toward her father's kitchen before returning to the laptop screen. "My mom had an affair and left my dad," she whispered quietly, "yet my dad never vented - not once. Not to this day. And I never vented about it either. Jasper's parents had a hard time getting pregnant, so when Jasper was born, he became their god. Jasper grew up believing he was some sort of demi-god, a golden boy...and I treated him like the golden boy he believed himself to be. For months after That Day, I'd close my eyes and see him and your sister through that window, having sex, and I was _still_ willing to forgive him. Because other than that destructive outburst in the lobby, I'd never learned how to vent. So, I kept it all inside, and it became a destructive force within rather than without. I thought that was better, but it's not. Today, I vented inwardly and outwardly, and it was...liberating," she grinned, "and empowering."

"Bella," I breathed, "I'm so damn glad, baby. I really am. And...and fine; I'll stop talking about going over there and kicking Jasper's ass. You slay your own dragons, and you'll let me know when you need me to help you wield that sword."

"Yay." She threw a fist pump in the air, and we both chuckled. But then, we both quickly sobered.

"But Bella, I vented today, yet instead of feeling relieved, I feel like shit."

"I know," she murmured. "I can tell. Edward, you're so focused on how our relationship and my proximity to your family might affect _my_ mental well-being that you're not seeing...you're not seeing what it's doing to yours, babe."

"I'm fine."

"But you just said you're not," she chuckled mirthlessly. "Edward, I'm not an expert, but I'll listen to you for hours and hours and hours, and I'll give you all my honest thoughts. And I think...the reason today was so difficult for you is because despite your venting, there are still things you haven't admitted to yourself or to others. And until you do, not only will the venting do no good," her brows furrowed, "but I'm worried your frustration will manifest itself in other ways."

Shaking my head, I offered her a reassuring smile. The last thing I needed now was her needlessly worrying about me.

"Honestly, Bella. I'm fine. Alice and Jasper riled me up, and I miss you, but..." I waved a hand dismissively, "I'm fine."

She watched me warily, unconvinced. "Edward..."

I clapped my hands together and stood. "All right. Want to take a look at our Christmas tree?"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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**"See" you soon. :)**


	32. Chapter 31 Broken

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts?**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken - Chapter 31**

It was a week until Christmas, and I was in the office typing up initial findings of the success of the H5N2 antiviral to be presented at the World Health Organization's annual summit in February of the following year. It would be a work-in-progress until we had a complete picture of how the H5N2 antiviral would work in the long run.

_With the success of Batch 1 (B1), in mid-December, the CDC recommended that the level of Influenza Pandemic Alert (IPA) hold steady at Phase 4 - epidemiological data demonstrating human-to-human transmission and the ability of the virus to cause community-level outbreaks. As of mid-December, the CDC did not believe it necessary to raise the IPA to Phase 5 - Pandemic Imminent; activation of Emergency Operations Centers. The CDC recommended that treatment be prioritized for people with severe respiratory illnesses, people at high risk for complications from seasonal influenza, children under five, pregnant women, people with chronic medical conditions, and people sixty-five years and older. Initial findings showed that most of the recipients of the now out-of-supply B1 anti-H5N2 fell within these parameters. However, after distribution and administration of B1 anti-H5N2, initial findings also demonstrated that 61% of patients admitted with H5N2 now fall outside of these parameters. With the upcoming distribution of B2 anti-H5N2, a vigorous campaign is underway, aimed toward the rest of the population and stressing the importance of-_

Scrubbing my eyes wrists, I decided to give my vision a break and turned away from the laptop toward the windows. It was a typical winter day in the Northeast. The skies were a drab color somewhere between white and gray, a shade that washed every building, tree, street, and person underneath it into pale likenesses of themselves. Still, I would've preferred to have been out there, with the rest of my team, rather than in here writing and rewriting this report.

Em and the rest of the team were out in the field, providing guidance for clinicians in prescribing and administering the H5N2 antiviral. Later that morning, I was scheduled for another interview with...Selena? Sabrina? Serena? - the TV journalist, in an attempt to ramp up our publicity campaign in advance of the availability of the anti-viral's second batch, as well as it's necessity.

However, as far as I was concerned, I would've been of better use out in the field, gathering information first-hand, the way an epidemiologist was supposed to do. Then again, the trade-off had been worth it. Despite not falling under the parameters for the first batch of the anti-viral, Bella had been vaccinated. With current studies finding that those outside of the parameters were the majority of those contracting the virus now, it was a huge relief to know Bella would be safe regardless.

At the thought of Bella, I smiled to myself, and though my eyes were on the colorless view of the city morning, what I saw were her rich brown eyes, sparkling, excited. Her book tour was well underway, and from our nightly talks, I knew they were going well. Her readings were packed with eager readers and potential book buyers. Lacking an actual book, they asked her to sign their book reading announcements, their journals, or when nothing else was handy, their napkins. She was meeting people. She was traveling, which was something she'd always wanted to do. She was spending time with her father, who she loved. She was having a great time. Bella's career as a published writer was flourishing.

But she was shaking plenty of hands and exposed to a frightening number of germs, and no, I couldn't regret in the least having given her my booster, even if it meant being stuck in the office while the others did the real work. If she were to get sick, at best, it would throw a wrench into her lucrative and busy schedule while she took the time to recover. At worst...

I wouldn't even allow myself to finish that thought. However, I must've shaken my head somewhat vigorously, because it brought on a moderate coughing fit. As I covered my mouth tightly with my forearm, I turned away from the window and banged my palm repeatedly on my desk, which is how Emmett found me when he walked into my office - without knocking, of course. Then, he stood there, arms crossed against his chest until my coughs subsided.

"You sound great."

"It's just a cough." I cleared my throat, at the same time spotting one of my Christmas presents to Bella, which was resting on my desk and within clear view. Furtively, I pulled it behind the desk and opened my top drawer, storing the small box within while simultaneously pulling out a can of Lysol and hand sanitizer.

"Panita, when was the last time you had a cough? I can't even remember that far back. And yeah, please. Disinfect this office. I just came from donning mask and suit while out in the field with some serious shit. I don't need your germs to boot."

"I've got a _great_ solution for that," I said pointedly.

Emmett simply laughed and took a seat.

"Yeah, so do I. Go home and start your Christmas break early."

"Just because I may not be out in the field with the rest of you doesn't mean there isn't a shitload of work to be done."

Emmett shook his head. "Maybe Bella can convince you to take it easy once in a while once she's back. Anyway, what was that?" He jerked his jaw toward the top drawer of my desk.

Inanely, I tried to play stupid. "What was what?"

"The blue box you just shoved in your desk drawer."

"None of your business."

"Was that a Christmas present?"

"Maybe."

He grinned. "For me?"

I snorted and coughed again. "It's for Bella."

"Can I see?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's for _Bella_, not for you."

"So what? I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She likes me!"

I rolled my eyes. "_I_ don't want you to see it. At least, not until I give it to her."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to show it to you," I said, my tone admittedly tinged with incredulity that he'd need it explained. "Dude, it's from me to my girlfriend."

"Oh, brother." He propped his feet on the desk's edge and laced his fingers behind his head. "This Edward-has-a-girlfriend-he's-actually-completely-into-for-once business is starting to grow old, especially now that I've grown bored of teasing you. Now, it's just a reminder that I'll be a third-wheel every time we go out once Bella returns from her book tour."

I quirked an eyebrow and waited.

"I won't even be allowed to be the third-wheel, will I?"

I chuckled heartily and coughed again, covering my mouth once more, and then once again sanitizing my hands and the area around us.

"I mean, you can hang out with us here and there, Em, but when Bella returns to stay, in late March, I'm pretty sure we're going to want to spend some quality _couple_ time together."

When he pursed his lips peevishly, I chuckled again and threw him a figurative bone.

"Em, when we get a group of friends together, you'll be more than welcome to be one of those friends."

Despite the concession, Emmett's eyes grew wide, and he jerked back his head as if I'd thrown a punch at him.

"You mean I'm being relegated to merely 'group of friends' outings? Damn." He dropped his feet back to the floor and shook his head. "I guess it's true what they say: C_uando tu panita se enamora_, he totally forgets who used to carry his drunk-ass home."

"First of all, that was only once, and it was years ago. Second, seriously, you're jealous of my relationship with Bella here?"

"No. Of course not." He shrugged his shoulders and glared at the window behind me.

"Em," I snorted, "I'm going to remind you of this day here when you meet someone."

"Yeah, yeah. Whenever that'll be," he muttered and waved a hand dismissively. For a few speechless seconds, I almost felt bad for him...until I noted the slight twitch of his lips followed by the vibrations of his shoulders he couldn't completely suppress along with his suppressed laughter. When I threw the stapler at him, he blocked it and gave up trying to control his amusement.

"Grew tired of teasing me my ass," I muttered, while he cackled wildly.

"You're just so gullible."

When I laughed too, I ended up coughing.

Emmett's chortles subsided. He held my gaze. "So, how's the forced quarantine going for you? Did you have fun trying to read my notes?"

"You mean your chicken scratchings?" I scowled. "The report is going fine. I'm having loads of fun writing down everyone else's findings."

He chuckled. "No one but yourself to blame for that. And I was hoping to give you the vaccine today, but with that cough lingering...you know you can't be vaccinated with that cough."

"It's fine." I waved away his concern. "Give it to someone else."

Emmett pursed his lips. "I'm going to have to do so. But you should take it before you travel next week, and at this point, we don't know exactly when the next batch'll be in."

"Emmett, this'll be gone in a couple of days, and I don't leave for Miami to meet Bella until Christmas Eve late morning. If the next batch is in by then-"

"This is why you should've taken your dose instead of-"

"I had to give it to her."

"That's debatable."

"It's not. Not at all. Do you have any idea how much traveling she's doing? She's going from city to city, and performing readings on almost a daily basis. Though they're going wonderfully, imagine the toll on her immune system put on by all that traveling and stress, despite her daily yoga and exercising? And she's on the West Coast, Em, where the virus is more prevalent. Had she come in contact with it and not been protected..." Again, I shook my head.

"Don't even let your thoughts wander there."

"I don't."

"Ed, she's a healthy woman. The virus may have knocked her on her butt for a few, but-"

"It's the fever that's unpredictable, Emmett. That's why you and I and the rest of our team spent months developing this anti-viral. For all intents and purposes, yeah, H5N2 is simply a nasty strain of the flu that knocks you out a bit harder than other strains, but it's the massively high fevers this strain causes, in random patients, that kept all of us going nonstop for months, searching for an anti-viral. Because with a fever like that, there's no knowing what damage it'll cause."

Emmett watched me for a few moments before sighing. "You're right; it is the fever that makes this strain so dangerous, and I understand why you gave Bella your booster, but you can't deny that now it's left you exposed."

"Exposed to what?" I chuckled. "Straining my eyes on the laptop while I take care of all second-hand analysis here in the office? Like I said, I'll be fine, and in a few days, when this cough is gone," I coughed and shrugged, "I'll get my booster."

OOOOO

"So, he pretends to mope around now, complaining about being the last one in the group without a significant other, pretending to be jealous of you, and acting offended when I tell him that he'll only be allowed to hang around with us when we're out in a group setting."

All the while, Bella laughed hard. She was in Dallas that evening, after working her way up and down the west coast. Now, she was working her way east. It was late at night for both of us despite the one hour time difference in our zones. We'd been on Facetime for a couple of hours discussing everything under the sun: her latest book reading, the latest findings on the antiviral - though I didn't mention the fact that I hadn't been able to receive my own vaccine yet.

We were both in our respective beds with our laptops propped on our knees as we leaned against our headboards. And while I was in a pair of clean jogging shorts, Bella wore her own sleep shorts, much shorter than mine and with a matching tank top through which I could almost make out the sweet pink shade of her erect nipples. Every few minutes, my eyes would helplessly wander down to them, and I'd remember...

"He's such a clown," she said, forcing my attention back to the much less interesting subject of Emmett. "I can't wait to introduce him to Rose. I can totally see them hitting it off, though at first, they'll probably pretend to hate one another."

"It's a shame she's married," I grumbled. "She might've been able to get him off my back."

"Yeah, but she's married _and_ a lesbian," Bella grinned.

"True," I chuckled.

"Though my roommate Makenna is single, but she's sworn off men until she's exactly forty. Her past couple of relationships have been pretty disastrous, and the last thing she's looking for right now is a relationship."

"Emmett will just have to deal with group get-togethers then," I smirked.

Bella laughed again. She looked so...relaxed and carefree, and God, I loved seeing her like that.

"Oh, and speaking of Rose, guess who texted me earlier today?"

"Yeah," Bella grinned, "she said she was going to text you to make sure you knew you're the plus one in the invites she sent out for her baby shower in January."

"It's a good thing they've gotten over their dislike of me." I meant to laugh, but it came out as a cough. "Makenna, Rose, and even Rose's wife, Vera are all my social media friends as well."

Bella frowned. "Edward, baby, you've got a cold?"

"Oh. It's nothing. Just a bit of a cough."

Her frown deepened. "Don't let it turn into a bigger one. Take care of yourself the way you're always telling me to take care of myself."

"I will, my love. Besides, it's par for the course for this time of year, though it's been years since I've had a cold."

"Yeah, I've woken up the past few mornings feeling like I'm coming down with something too. But then I feel fine. And today I woke up feeling just fine anyway."

I raised a brow. "Are you taking your vitamins?"

"Yes, Doctor Cullen," she laughed. "I shouldn't even have mentioned it. Do you see what I mean? Anyway, yes, Rose and her wife are wonderful. And it was never you who they disliked, baby; it was the unresolved tension of the situation surrounding us. It's very similar to..." she swallowed, "it's very similar to why I couldn't be around you once I found out who you were. As much as I cared about you, that unresolved issues between us literally made me sick to my stomach."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Bella chuckled. "I'm not saying it for you to apologize. I'm just saying sometimes, with time and a few painful discussions, you can resolve those tensions that make it uncomfortable to be around some people."

For a handful of seconds, my mind wandered. This time, not to the sheer material of her tank top, but to those relationships in my life which had been ripe with tension ever since...well, ever since I could remember.

"Edward? Where'd you go?"

Blinking out of those useless thoughts, I smiled at the woman on the screen before me. "I'm right here, Bella."

She smiled softly in return, and when she sighed, my eyes wandered for a second. "I wish you were really here. Or I was really there."

"I miss you," I breathed. "I can't wait to see you next week."

"Me neither. And then we'll have a few weeks together through mid-January before I've got to leave for Europe..."

"And then I'll meet you in London in late February. Don't get lost around Europe before I get there. I know your geographical skills are nothing to brag about."

She laughed. "You're an ass. Besides, I've been studying geography, and now I know that England and the U.K. are actually the same place. So there."

"They're not actually the same place, per se, but you're getting closer, so I'll let it go for now and explain the difference in person when we're together."

She scowled at me through the phone while I laughed and coughed.

"God, Bella, if I had you here right now…"

"Tell me. Tell me what you'd do to me if you had me there right now." She whispered the words huskily.

I raised an eyebrow. "You want me to tell you?"

"Yes."

Swallowing thickly, my eyes wandered for a second before I returned them to Bella's dark, impish gaze.

"With how much detail?"

"With _exquisite_ detail, Edward."

Heart racing and blood pumping into every extremity now, I exhaled through narrowed lips before beginning.

"If I had you here right now, I'd pull off every last piece of your clothing, and I'd kiss and lick you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and everywhere in between. I'd lick you 'til you were so wet…so wet you'd beg to have me inside you."

Bella shut her eyes tight and squirmed over her hotel bed. "Mmm. Oh God, Edward." She fisted her hair. "I remember how good you feel inside me."

"God, you look so beautiful," I said in a strangled whisper. "I remember how good you move…how good you feel wrapped around me...how good you taste..."

When her eyes popped open, the undisguised longing and lust swirling in them made my breath catch in my throat.

"Or maybe you'd be the one begging, Edward, after I brushed my lips back and forth across your ink and let my tongue dart over that strength and health."

I chuckled at her description of my tattoo, but as she continued, my chuckles died away.

"Then I'd run my tongue down your body…"

"Mmm. That sounds really good." My hips bucked up and down, moving the laptop along with me.

"…past your stomach…"

"Oh yeah?" Painfully hard now, my hand began wandering. "How far past my stomach?"

"All the way 'til I reached your swollen tip, and I'd give it a few darts of my tongue…"

"Holy fuck." I shut my eyes and grunted deep in my throat.

"…then swirl my tongue around and around a bit before I gave you one…long…lick…from tip to base…"

By this point, though Bella couldn't see, I had my hand wrapped around myself, moving it up and down and pretending...

"…and I'd keep licking up and down…up and down that long, hard length…"

"Oh, fuck, Bella. Yeah, baby. I'd beg. I'd beg you to take me deep."

"I'd take you so deep...and I'd suck…and suck…"

When she started laughing, my eyes popped open.

"Bella, that's just plain evil. You've got me so hard right now, I'm about to explode."

She stopped laughing and quirked an eyebrow before licking her top lip, and I don't know how I didn't detonate right then.

"Oh yeah? Show me."

I only hesitated for a fraction of a second before replying. "Only if you show me in return."

OOOOO

Three days before Christmas, I met my mom and JJ at the park by my parent's Upper West Side apartment. By then, my cough had subsided enough so that Emmett and I had made plans to meet at the CDC labs as soon as the new batch of the H5N2 antiviral was ready. I was anxious to get to Miami; not only because I missed Bella like crazy, but because I got the feeling she wasn't taking care of herself the way she should. She kept complaining about feeling off, which had me a bit concerned.

That afternoon, my mind wasn't on the antiviral or on my subsiding cough.

"So, she took him back after that entire clusterfuck he created with her here, and with Bella in Forks."

We sat at a park bench, watching JJ run around just a few short feet away. Esme shrugged in reply to my comment, but though it hadn't really been a question, her lack of a real answer frustrated me, even if I wasn't sure why.

I sat with my hands laced together on top of my thighs, and I snorted, shaking my head as I kept my eyes on JJ. And I meant to keep my thoughts to myself until Esme attempted to spin the entire thing into a positive.

"Well, perhaps Alice won't be so...upset now, and the next time she and Bella meet."

I flashed my eyes tightly to my mother. "I'm keeping her venomous mouth away from Bella for as long as possible. And him; I don't even know what's going to happen the next time I see him."

"Edward, if she took Jasper back, and you're with Bella, there will come a time when you're all- when _we're_ all in the same room."

"Not if I can help it. I won't subject Bella to that. To them. To..."

"To all of us?"

Glaring straight ahead again, I made no reply.

"Honey, it's unavoidable."

This time, when I spoke, I couldn't disguise the sharp edge in my voice.

"Well then, I'll delay it for as long as possible. She's a strong woman, Mom, she is. She's so damn brave she leaves me in awe half the time. I think it was her bravery, more than anything that day, instead of...anyway, the point is, there are things and people no one should be subjected to, no matter how strong or brave you are, namely the woman who stole your husband and forced you into jail and mandatory therapy."

For a few minutes, my mom remained silent. Meanwhile, JJ was now hitching those short legs over the toddler-sized geo-dome climber, while another little boy watched him.

"Take it easy, buddy," I called out. "You need help?"

"No!" he yelled back. "I big boy, Uncle Edwahd!"

I chuckled. "I know you are, little man."

"What does Bella say about all this?" Esme asked.

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled it into the cold air, watching my breaths swirl around me. "Like you, she says an eventual family _reunion_," I smirked, "is pretty much unavoidable. It doesn't mean I..."

I trailed off. The fact was, after what happened with Jasper a few weeks earlier, I knew Bella finally had full closure in regards to him. Jasper was an asshole, but he was also weak-minded and one-dimensional. He was, for all intents and purposes, an annoying, overgrown gnat, who fed just a minuscule amount of blood at a time. Certainly, an overgrown gnat was an insect to watch out for, as even that minuscule loss of blood over time had the potential to sicken a body, not to mention the diseases a gnat carried. However, between an overgrown gnat or a virus that hit you full force and knew just how to weaken every part of your system, I'd take the gnat.

Alice was a virus. And despite Bella's courage and her well-fought-for and well-earned mental well-being, I knew she was still wary of Alice; even more so...of JJ.

_'Edward...we don't have to discuss it right now, because I know we just got together, and I know you have a lot going on in your life, and I'm going to have a lot going on soon too...but maybe...at some point in the future...would you consider adoption? Is that something you'd be open to?'_

Yes, we'd touched on the subject before she left, but it wasn't a conversation we could delve into over phone calls or laptop screens.

As I watched my nephew singing and bouncing around from one toddler-sized playground amusement to another, with his little friend trailing behind, I smiled wistfully to myself. How could such small beings be such huge reminders? JJ wasn't merely a reminder of That Day to Bella; he was a reminder of what she...what we might never have. The last thing I wanted...the final straw I'd ever tolerate from my sister would be her taunting Bella the way she'd taunted me a few weeks earlier. If she ever did, I wouldn't be responsible for my-

"Edward?"

It took me a few moments to compose myself enough to be able to meet Esme's gaze. Even then, I could feel the stony mien of my expression, the wide flare of my nostrils, and the erratic breaths making my shoulders rise and fall heavily. I thought about what Bella said a few days earlier regarding the tension surrounding certain people. It wasn't always that you disliked those people. Sometimes, you cared about them immensely. But the unresolved tension there made it difficult to interact.

When my coffee lid popped off because I'd squeezed the cup so hard, and a few drops of coffee splattered onto my coat and lap, my mom gasped.

"Oh no!"

"It's fine. It's fine." My words were terse as I waved off her attempts to wipe my coat and swiped at it myself. "I've got it, Mom. But Jesus, she's so full of anger."

"Who? Bella?"

"No! Alice. Your stepdaughter." My eyes rose heatedly up to hers, and the rest spilled over just like the damn coffee in my paper cup. "Why the hell couldn't you and Dad have handled things differently with her? She's stuck in some form of limbo, and she blames everyone else for it. She blames Bella for it," I hissed, "taking it out on her as if somehow Bella ruined her life."

Esme held my gaze steadily. "She takes it out on you as well."

"I'm fine," I reiterated through gritted teeth. "I've dealt with her all my life. I can handle Alice. What I won't put up with is with her spouting more garbage at Bella simply because _she's_ a goddamn mess, and _no one_," I said pointedly, "no one ever sat down with her, with either of us and explained..." I stopped.

"Edward, honey." My mom's voice broke.

_'As much as I cared about you, the unresolved issues between us literally made me sick to my stomach.'_

Raking a hand through my hair, I shook my head again. "Never mind. Never mind. I don't even know what I'm asking for or what I'm saying. I apologize, Mom."

"No, Edward, don't apologize." She drew in a deep breath. "You're right. You're so right, and I'm the one who's sorry. You're right; there are things we should've...things _I_ should've explained to you once you were old enough-"

"Uncle Edwahd, come swing me high!" JJ ran toward the toddler swings across the playground.

"Hold on, buddy."

I sprinted to JJ and the swings, tamping down and swallowing back the frustration that had been building over the past few weeks...maybe even over the past few years.

How to deal with the unfortunate eventuality of not only exposing Bella to the dysfunctional family unit I belonged to, but of the possible negative effects they each had the potential to have on her had become a conundrum that kept me up at nights. I forced a grin as I caught up with JJ.

"Pick up, Uncle Edwahd! Pick up, pick up, pick up!" His eager command earned a genuine laugh followed by a raised brow from me.

"What's the magic word, kiddo?"

"Peas?"

"Close enough." I lifted him up and pushed his legs into the swing. The little boy who'd been playing with JJ slouched next to me. When I looked down, his mouth hung open, and he gazed up, looking drained and worn out, though as far as I'd noticed, he hadn't even climbed the geo-dome with JJ but merely watched him do it.

I offered him a grin. "Want to take a break on the swing?"

He offered me a small and wordless nod. Before picking him up, I searched the perimeter. His mom stood a few yards away. She was vaguely familiar, though in her winter gear, it was hard to tell. I called out over the city noise and wind.

"Is it okay if I put him in the swing?"

"Sure." As she replied, she simultaneously started walking toward us.

"Uncle Edwahd, swing me! Peas!"

"One second, buddy."

With his mom's approval, I lifted the boy up and pushed his legs into the swing. He sat with his arms hanging listlessly at his sides, and unlike JJ's kicking legs, limbs still as a statue's. Just as I started suspecting something might be wrong with the boy, I backed up, and the boy hacked a bark of a cough right into my face.

"Tommy! Cover your mouth, honey."

Tommy's mom reached me just as I wiped her son's snot and saliva off my face with the sleeve of my jacket.

"Oh my God, Edward. I'm so sorry."

The time necessary to clean myself off also served to give me a moment in which to compose myself - because I had some strange kid's germs literally clinging to me - and to try to figure out how this woman knew my name. Drawing in an internal breath, I looked at the woman.

She offered me an apologetic smile. "Lauren, remember? We met a few months ago at the Halloween Trunk-or-Treat?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Hey, Lauren."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she repeated. "Tommy woke up with a bit of a cold, and I thought maybe some fresh air...honey, I've told you to cover your mouth."

The boy gazed at her through glazed eyes.

"Say sorry to Edward."

"It's fine."

Just then, Esme approached with the bottle of hand sanitizer she carried, which I took gratefully while wishing I could swallow it.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. How are you?"

"Hi, Lauren. Hi, Tommy. Looks like you're not feeling well, little guy."

Tommy coughed again and began crying.

"Maybe I should take him home."

"Uncle Edwahd, is Tommy sick?"

Lauren tried to remove Tommy from the swing, but she appeared to be struggling with a sack of potatoes.

"I think so, JJ. Here, I've got him," I offered, evading his face as I lifted him and handed him to his mother.

"Thanks." The boy hung limply in her arms.

"How long did you say he's been sick?"

"He hasn't been feeling too well since last night, but it seems to have grown worse in the past few hours."

"Lauren, did he receive his flu vaccine?"

"Yeah, months ago." She smiled. "I remember you said you worked for-"

"Did he receive the booster?"

She blinked. "Uh...yeah. I mean, I'd read stuff saying that it wasn't necessary, so I-"

"It is necessary. Did he receive it?"

"Yeah." She nodded fervently. "Yeah. Yeah, he did. Listen, I've got to go." She felt his forehead. "I should get him home."

"Or to the doctor," Esme said.

"Yeah. If he gets any worse, I definitely will. I apologize again," she began.

"It's fine. Just...I hope he feels better."

* * *

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	33. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**Broken - Chapter 32**

* * *

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothing."

The halfhearted smile Bella offered me through the laptop screen was followed by a weary sigh, both of which plainly contradicted her answer. It was the eve to Christmas Eve, and I was admittedly relieved that Bella was finally winding down after her widely successful book reading tours. For weeks, she'd been up and down the west coast and through the mid-states. Now, she was back on the east coast.

When we'd spoken earlier in the day, Bella had sounded not only thrilled about the short break in her busy itinerary, a break for which I'd be joining her in Miami, but she'd gushed enthusiastically about her plans for that evening. She, her father, her agent Jessica, and the rest of her book tour crew were going out for a night at a popular Cuban restaurant on the beach. Bella had eagerly anticipated the energetic vibe and the flavorful spices for which the restaurant's Caribbean theme was well known.

Now, despite the rhythmic Latin beats transmitting clearly through the laptop's speakers, Bella was slumped in her chair and gazing at the scene around her morosely. When her top lip curled, and an expression of utter repugnance crossed her features - features which through the screen looked worryingly pale tonight - my brow furrowed. Then, she clamped a hand over her mouth and nose.

"Ugh, Jessica's appetizer...putrid..."

"Babe, between the Conga drums and your hand over your mouth, I barely caught a word."

As it was, speaking evenly and clearly was becoming a struggle for me as the evening progressed. Over the past twelve hours or so, the cold I'd been so damn close to kicking had made its return with a vengeance. Worse than the cough, however, was my throat. Every word I spoke grated as if someone was spreading gravel over my esophagus with hot tar. With every passing hour, my head felt all the more distended from my body as if it were a balloon, and the rest of me was a helium tank inflating it...and inflating it.

I knew exactly who to blame too, and it wasn't the three-foot-tall, small human who couldn't have landed his germ-infested phlegm concoction onto me with better accuracy had he aimed. I had no one but myself to blame. In my line of work, I knew better than to expose myself so openly, without proper protection, to anyone or any situation - young children included - that even held the hint of disease. And the boy had definitely held the hint of something.

_Protect yourself before you can protect others._

For fuck's sake, masks, gloves, entire body suits were part of my routine. If none of the aforementioned were immediately available, we were taught to divert our damn faces as a last resort.

_Protect yourself before you can protect others._

But I'd been distracted by an uncomfortable conversation, by my growing anger and resentment toward some, and by my building apprehension toward the well-being of others.

_Protect yourself before you can protect others._

Lauren - the boy's...Tommy's mom had sprinted away, with Tommy sobbing in her arms and still hacking up phlegm. Then JJ had started crying, shaken by the sight of his sick friend.

_'Tommy went bye-bye?'_

My mom had pulled JJ out of the swing and quietly reassured him.

_'Tommy went home because he's not feeling well, but he'll be just fine, JJ. After all, he received his booster, just like you did,' she'd smiled, 'and like I did, and like Uncle Edward and the rest of our family did. We'll all be fine now, thanks to Uncle Edward and his team.'_

All the while, I'd continued staring after Tommy and his mom's retreating forms until they disappeared around the corner's bend. Over the past twenty-four hours, I'd wondered once or twice how little Tommy was faring. But I'd asked Lauren, twice, if he'd received his booster, and she'd assured me he had.

Bella's next sigh, laced with frustration now, broke me out of my musings.

"I'm just tired, and I'm not sure I'm up for this tonight. It smells weird in here."

An indignant chuckle arose to Bella's left. "It does not smell weird," Jessica's voice contradicted. "It smells amazing! And Cuban food tonight was your idea!"

"Whatever." Bella muttered the word with the type of bitterness I attributed more to the Angry-at-the-world Bella I met in the coffee shop over a year earlier than to my current girlfriend.

"Bella, have you been trying to get as much rest as possible?"

"Yes."

"No, she hasn't, Edward." When Charlie's head peeked into the screen, Bella bit it off - figuratively speaking.

"Do you two mind? This is my conversation with Edward. You can both call him later yourselves if you want to hold a conversation with him. For the love."

Charlie chuckled, apparently not surprised by his daughter's sharp retort, and I soon understood why.

"Ed, Bells has been cranky for the past few days."

I, however, found the entire scene much less humorous. "Bella, what's going on, love?"

"I just…I feel a bit off, like I'm coming down with something." The admission set me on high alert and trumped any physical discomforts I may have been feeling. It wasn't the first time in the past few days Bella mentioned feeling off.

"Do you have a fever?"

"No."

"Vomiting?"

"No. A bit dizzy here and there, but no biggie."

My jaw tightened from growing concern for Bella, for the most important person in my world, but...it was more. There was more there to be examined and turned over. Unfortunately, tonight, my mind wasn't up for the effort required to think beyond basics. My temples throbbed, and the throbbing intensified when I tried to focus too deeply.

But there was something.

_Protect yourself before you can protect others._

I expelled a deep breath of my own growing frustration; with myself, yes, for being unable to focus, but also with Bella for not taking her wellbeing as seriously as she should.

"No biggie?" I remarked. "Bella, babe, please go get examined. You don't want to get sick while on the road. Your immune system is probably compromised-"

"Edward, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and you'll be here, and I'll feel just…"

"Bella, come on," I said with admitted impatience. "I'm excited to see you too, but missing someone doesn't cause sickness."

She smirked. "Ouch."

Despite my growing concern, her indignant expression made me chuckle. Unfortunately, the chuckle morphed into a cough, which sent a red-hot flash searing up my throat. Clearing it away was a small form of torture as I continued.

"You might've caught a virus, or you might just need some supplements. Either way, go to a doctor."

"I've got to pick you up from the airport tomorrow."

"I can take a cab." How could five spoken words claw so much going up one's throat? I wasn't sure, but they had.

"No. I want to meet you at the airport."

"For the love." I fisted my hair. If she'd stop arguing, I wouldn't have to talk so much. "Fine. Then, go to the doctor in the morning. You don't have an event until late afternoon, correct?"

"Yes." Bella snapped at me with her own impatience, again making me chuckle.

"You _are_ cranky."

Unfortunately, again, the chuckle turned into a cough that left my throat feeling like sandpaper scratching against sandpaper.

"Edward, are you okay? You've had that cough for a few days. I hope you're taking your own advice."

I managed a smile.

"Ahh, but I _am_ a doctor. Some hot tea and over-the-counter meds, and I'll be fine. You, on the other hand, better go see one. Tomorrow. A.M."

"Fine, fine." She rolled her eyes. "I love you, Edward, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow, even if you are as cranky of an ass as I'm being accused of being. What happened to equality?"

She smiled teasingly and waited for a retort, but fucking hell, the ensuing chuckle I wasn't able to withhold would've brought me to my knees had I not been already seated. My reply was short and brief and barely above a whisper.

"Love you. Text you in the morning from the airport."

Bella's brow furrowed, but mercifully, she nodded.

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Bella."

I ended the call, throwing myself heavily against the couch's backrest and flinging the phone aside as I simultaneously groaned and shut my eyes. Yet even those actions rattled my brain and set my throat ablaze.

Time...passed.

My thoughts churned together, disorganized, and muddled like a potent concoction blended from ingredients that made no sense together – not when my mind altered some and camouflaged others.

I floated away into an uneasy state of semi-consciousness.

I was...pretty sick. That much was evident. But if I could manage to get up...find something strong enough to knock me out for the night so that I could sleep it off...rest; that's all I needed. At the worst, I'd delay my flight until tomorrow evening.

Tommy.

Unnerving...suspicions, which in my subconscious were now spiraling like dark clouds...

Bella.

Like that game, all roads led to Bella.

"Bella..."

_'Always remember this! The number one rule of this job is that you've got to protect yourself before you can protect others!'_

"She can't get sick_, _Director; not with _this_; not _now_..." I breathed.

_'Why not?'_

"Because..."

_'Because what, Mr. Cullen? We deal in extrapolations, not in pure conjecture...'_

"Because...because..."

_'Edward...God, I wish I could give you your own...but...would you be open to adoption...?_

'_I've woken up the past few mornings feeling like I'm coming down with something...'_

_'Two years of trying, and you can't even give him a baby!'_

_'Bella, look what you did to the window!'_

"Jasper," I growled then grunted from the excruciating pain..."get your hands off of her, and don't ever touch her again or I'll..."

_'They lied to me!'_

"Shh. I've got you..."

_'Esme...she's pregnant.'_

_'Tell her to get rid of it, Carlisle! I don't need reminders of what you did!'_

_'I can't do that, Esme. No matter what, that's my child, and I can't...I'm sorry.'_

_'Then, get out.'_

_'Esme. Esme, listen to me. This doesn't have to destroy us. Elizabeth is willing to give me...to give us control of the child, as long as she receives full child support and remains a significant part of the child's life.'_

_'I don't-'_

_'Esme, if it's a boy, he could be a younger brother for Edward, a sibling he'd otherwise never have after what...Esme, if it's a girl, she wouldn't need to be a reminder of what I did. Instead, she could be a reminder of the little girl we had for such a short time...and lost; the little girl we'll never be able to have unless...Esme, think about it, please.'_

"Mom...Mom...Bella...can't get sick now..."

_'I feel a bit off, like I'm coming down with something...'_

"Shh. Bella, I've got you. Be careful...are those handcuffs really necessary...?'

_'No, officers! Don't let her go! I'm pregnant, and she threatened me and my baby!'_

'_That's my baby! I hate you! I hate you both!'_

_'She's crazy!'_

"Damn it, Alice..."

_'It's a girl, Esme; a little sister for Edward...'_

_'Edward, you're right; there are things we should've...things I should've explained to you once you were old enough...'_

_'She's deranged, and she broke your damn nose!'_

_'I wasn't in a good place back then, Edward, and we were star-crossed...as much as I cared about you, the issues between us literally made me sick...'_

"Bella...they'll never break you again. I won't allow..."

_'Edward, stop. That's your sister you're talking about.'_

"Since Alice was a kid, you let her run wild..."

_'I'm just one mistake begetting another, huh, big brother?'_

"Yes...no...not JJ..." - my head thrashed from side to side - "not my nephew..."

_'Uncle Edwahd, swing me high! Love you, Uncle Edwahd!'_

_'Edward...I love you...'_

"I've got condoms..."

_'Well, yeah, panita, I heard some of your convo with Kate, including that bit about the heavy-duty condoms you never forget. You want to make sure there are no accidents, huh?'_

_'Edward...I don't need you to wear one...it's not like I'm going to...Edward...would you be open to adoption...?'_

"Yeah, I'd be open...but now...you can't get sick, Bella..."

Why?

_'I've been feeling off, Edward...'_

"You can't get sick now...not now...not...now..."

OOOOO

I was...on fire.

Inferno.

Fiery flames licked a scorching path both from within and without. They danced up and down my frame with fury, burning me from the very tips of my toenails to the ending follicles of my hair. They devoured my chest, turned my organs into dense, molten lava then liquidized my limbs with their searing wildfire. They invaded one lung then the other and flayed open my throat, chasing up my nostrils and leaving blisters in every corner of my mind until all I could think of were...

Flames.

Fire.

Inferno.

In some vague...hollow...part of my mind that somehow still managed to think through the torment, I realized Emmett had been correct. _This_ was how the world ended; not with a loud bang nor with a brave, collective fight but eradicated with nothing more than a pitiful whimper because despite the relative quiet of the nighttime surrounding me, I was sure the world had ended. Its population lay decimated, in a ruined waste of muted smolder; silenced in the streets and now indistinguishable carcasses. Lumps of charred flesh. I was next.

Fire. That's all that was left. Fire.

Fire...and the nebulous image of a beautiful, defiantly strong woman...

Dark eyes...

An obscure, faint speculation...cognition...extrapolation that...that despite the world's end..._she_ held its beginning...

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**I'm hoping to update tomorrow, but I can't make promises. What I can assure you is that we'll have a new narrator for that chapter. ;)**

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**"See" you soon.**


	34. Chapter 33

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**Broken - Chapter 33**

* * *

**Doctor Emmett McCarty - Microbiologist, Centers for Disease Control**

You're asking _me_ to tell the next part?

You sure you want me to do that? All right, then. But don't forget you asked me to do this. And if you do happen to forget, be assured I'll remind you. As for the deets, get ready because them micro parts that everyone always seems to think they can skip over and neglect while focusing on the big picture? Yeah, those are gonna be in full effect here.

Everyone always makes such a fuss over 'The Big Picture.' Pfft. _Por favor._ As if there'd even _be_ a big picture without those minuscule yet massively important micro parts. What even is the big picture other than a collection of micro-images all pieced together? And by the way, don't let anyone fool you; more than occasionally, it's one of those micro pieces that molds and shapes the _entire_ big picture into something that makes sense. When you finally get to that 'Aha!' moment, to the "So _that's_ why all that went down' moment, more times than not, it's because of some small, microscopic factor you probably never even saw coming - unless you pay attention to them deets.

That's a good point right there; remember that point because never has the nucleus of a set of seemingly random events been illustrated more clearly than in the little parable I'm about to tell.

Hey, _you_ asked _me_ to tell the next part, remember? Well then, you need to keep in mind that I'm more than just a pretty-faced scientist with a kick-ass man bun and that you're gonna get a lot more than some dry-ass, scientific report when you ask me to relay an event. Doctor Emmett Miguel McCarty ain't just the CDC's best microbiologist by trade; he's also a hell of an armchair psychologist and modern-day philosopher by practice. Ask anyone you want; I tell it how it is.

Okay. Ready? Here we go.

So, the morning of Christmas Eve - or as we of Latino descent call Christmas Eve, _Noche Buena,_ because let's be real, Christmas Eve night is the best damn part of the entire holiday. Am I right, or am I right? I mean, you've got your _Noche Buena_ dinner chock full of _lechon asado, arroz congri,_ and _empanadas_ stuffed to their rims with _picadillo_. Then you've got _Celia Cruz_ and her husky-as-sin voice crooning in the background. And we don't wait for no _'Santa Kloh ni Santa Kloh'_ or Christmas day to open them presents. We open them gifts at midnight. It's that impatient Latino blood, you know what I'm saying? Ain't no waiting 'til the next morning when the presents are _right there._

Anyway. Christmas Eve morning, I was at the downtown CDC labs. The building was a veritable ghost town, what with _Noche Buena_ and Christmas Day just a few hours away. By then, most of my fellow co-workers' brains had already been on holiday-mode for the past few days. Now, their bodies were on vacay right along with them, on their way to visit the _familias_ and prepping for the madness and the drunk uncles and the rush and whatnot. Ahh, Christmas.

All right. So, the labs are all glass-enclosed rooms, which were pitch black, lots of the equipment turned off for the next week or so, doors locked, and an almost eerie silence hummed through the hallways. You know, like _'shhhhhh;' _that whooshing sound you only hear when you're practically alone in a building, and only the air between your ears-

Look, let me finish telling it my way, and you'll see why I'm stressing the seemingly micro yet important detail that the building was almost completely vacant.

Fine, fine. It was dark, deserted, and quiet in the building; let's move on.

So except for me and maybe a handful of other people scattered here and there, I was alone while I waited for my _panita,_ Edward. A few weeks earlier, he'd given his girlfriend, Bella, his H5N2 booster vaccine. See, it was our team that developed the antiviral, and so as a 'thank you very much for a job well done,' we got first dibs. But there was just enough for our team - and the director and deputy director, of course, and Bella had just gotten this pretty nice book deal with a publisher, and the publishers wanted her traveling all around the country. Never mind the influenza strain chomping on the bit like a rebellious teen aching to break loose and cause havoc on the unsuspecting population - in this case, a pandemic.

But that wasn't for them to worry about, was it? No, 'course not. That's on us here at the CDC to handle, isn't it? You guys don't take into account any of them little details, do you? Pardon me while I chuckle, but if you all only knew the number of deadly diseases, viruses, infections and whatnot threatening to eradicate the entire human population on the daily, you wouldn't get out of bed in the morning, much less traipse around the country for a book deal.

Fine, fine. I'll get back on track.

So, Ed gave Bella his dose of the booster because he was terrified she'd catch something while on the west coast before the antiviral became available to the general public. We're clear on that, right? Don't need to expand on that part? All right. Now, tell me who didn't see the damn writing on that wall after that decision?

Of course, then came a shortage of the antiviral - one of those demand-exceeds-supply scenarios that are great on a business's spreadsheet but not so convenient when you're trying to stop a nasty viral outbreak. Then, when we got a small supply in, Ed caught a bad cold. Here's the thing, the detail in there:

Before that cold, I couldn't recall the last time the man caught a cold in the almost two decades I'd known him.

But there you go, ponder over that one while you consider these next few details: Ed had a lot of shit going on in his head and in his private life. Took him two years of heartache to end up with the woman he loved. Part of that was his own fault, yeah, for lying to her in that coffee shop, which I warned him against doing, but that's a different parable. Yet, part of it was due to yet more of those seemingly random details. His little sister, Alice...holy crap talk about the proverbial thorn in one's side just poking you and poking you; she was the female version of Cain to Edward's Abel. For whatever reasons, which again, are beyond the scope of this particular part of the story that I'm telling, if Alice could find a way to make her big brother's life hell, she did.

Then there were his parents, who had their own drama going on, and when, as a kid, Edward saw something no kid should ever witness, all this drama messed with his head to the point where he wore some heavy-fucking-duty condoms before he met Bella, just to make sure he didn't create a family as fu-

No, I'm not just throwing that out there. It's one of those critical details, and we'll get to the reason why soon.

Anyway. So now, in its own twisted way, all that drama led to That Day in the lobby. But now, over two years later, Bella's ex, Jasper, wanted Bella back, and Alice hated Bella because Jasper wanted Bella back, and Alice was a shitty mom to sweet little JJ because she was too busy hating Bella, and Bella didn't know if she could ever face little JJ because despite how innocent she knew, in her heart, that he was, he was also a reminder of one of the worst times of her life. Then, you had old Doc Cullen continuously sticking his foot in shit trying to fix problems he should've nipped in the bud decades earlier, and Mrs. Cullen was simply weighed down by guilt and, _perdoname y _I'm sorry, she was acting pretty useless at the time - except for taking care of JJ and designing some kick-ass clothing while at it.

And all of this fucking melodrama worthy of one of those fucking Spanish Telenovela's my Abuela loves to watch was on Edward's mind and on his shoulders. Topping it off, he was silently panicked about the combustible shit show ready to detonate if...no, not if..._when_ Bella and his family were all in the same room. And all that mental baggage weighs down your immune system. Fact, babes. I'm not making it up.

So, despite being thrilled at finally having gotten his girl, despite the week-long sex marathon he had before Bella left for the west coast, despite all his healthy eating habits - except for those frothy lattes - despite his fucking five-mile morning runs and those runner's highs he loved to show off with...Ed caught a bad cold. And when you catch a cold, you can't be immunized with a live sub-unit of a pathogen because your system is already compromised, already weakened, and it won't create antibodies to the original virus. So, we had to pass on administering that dose and wait for his cold to diminish sufficiently where his immune system was healthy enough to create antibodies when injected with the antiviral.

Yeah, yeah. There's some scientific talk in there after all, but like I said, _el diablo_ is in the details.

All right, so back to Christmas Eve. The night before, I'd gotten word that another small batch of the H5N2 antiviral was being delivered to our CDC offices overnight, which I found to be a convenient stroke of luck because, over the last couple of days, Edward seemed better. What's more, Christmas Eve morning, Ed was due to fly out to Miami to spend the holidays with Bella over there. So, I texted him, short and sweet and to the point.

**Yo, a new batch of H5N2-AV is coming in overnight. What time's your flight?**

**Early**

_This motherfucker,_ I thought to myself as I typed out my next response. _I'm here trying to get him inoculated before he leaves, and he's being testy with me?_

But I gave him a pass, recalling that he and I were as tight as brothers.

Then, I chuckled to myself because it was more like thick as thieves. Oh, he played that straight-laced-nerdy-yet-good-looking-scientist-all-the-females-and-quite-a-few-males-went-gaga-over-but-he-was-oblivious role pretty well; I'll give him that. But back in our college days, boy...

Never mind, never mind. That's not an important detail. No, I'm not suddenly trying to hide anything; got something stuck in my throat is all.

Tight as brothers; yeah, let's keep it at that. Ed saved my life, both literally and figuratively, more than once. I had some crazy family drama of my own back in the day; it...messed with my head. Then, there were a couple of incidents early on, on the job, when I wasn't as careful as I should've been, when I neglected the number one rule: Protect yourself before you can protect others. So, yeah, I know one thing leads to another.

Anyway. I texted back:

**Meet me at the labs at sun-up, before you head for the airport. I'll administer, and you'll be good to go make love to your woman, without a care in the world, for the next seven and two-thirds days.**

I'll admit, I chuckled at my continued taunting of him as I sent that one out, and I eagerly awaited the _'eff off'_ or something to that effect I knew was coming.

But, nothing immediately came.

**Ed?** I texted after a few minutes.

**Okay**

I figured he was either talking to Bella on the other line or in the middle of something work-related, so I let it go and didn't text anything more.

I let it go. That's on me.

He was late the next morning, unusual for him, but it happens, right? Even if his place was just a few, short blocks away. And anyway, I was using my time wisely as I waited, taking care of some last-minute holiday online shopping, had the radio on low, and was singing along with _Jose Feliciano._

_"Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad. I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my-"_

I stopped singing, lifted my eyes from the laptop screen, and listened past the relative darkness beyond the glass-enclosed lab, and beyond the _shhhhh_ of the building's air system.

At first, I just heard what sounded like mumbling.

"Ed?"

I lowered the volume on the radio, strained my ears, and listened.

"Left it here. Can't get on that plane without it."

My brow furrowed. It was definitely Edward's voice, but it sounded...strange; confused. And...when he came into view through the glass walls, my eyes widened.

It was Ed. He was in sweats, a ratty tee-shirt, and nothing more despite the winter weather outside - not even shoes. His hair, which was always somewhat messy but in that way that made Maria and others gaze at it longingly as if they wanted nothing more than to run their fingers through it and tame the rough spots, was downright clumped. And his gait was kind of slow and uneven.

"Ed?"

When he walked right past the lab even though it was glass-enclosed, and I'd called out to him loud enough, I jumped up and headed for the door.

"Forgot it. Can't...can't go...she can't..."

"Ed?"

Edward stopped and slowly turned.

I think...what shocked me...what horrified me the most was how rapidly it had happened, though we'd known from the very beginning that's how this thing operated; with lightning speed, knocking its victims down before they even realized they were that unwell.

Ed's hair wasn't merely clumped; it was matted to his head as if he'd been alternating between sweats and chills for hours. His pale, white-boy face was scarlet, the whites of his eyes a matching bloodshot shade. His mouth hung slightly open as he took me in through glazed eyes, alternating between shivering and swaying as he stood there.

I cursed under my breath as I approached him because...because I'd been at this for too long. _We'd_ been at this for too long, and I already knew, 'course I did, even though in our profession, we weren't allowed to make a diagnosis until all the tests were in. But I knew.

"Holy fuck, Ed. How long have you been like this?"

"I gotta find it, Em," he said in a voice that sounded sickeningly hoarse yet thick with phlegm. "I gotta find-"

"Ed, how long have you been like this?"

"I gotta..."

Taking him carefully by the shoulder, I guided him back toward the lab, where I'd left my cell phone.

"Panita, what you've got to do is let me get you to the hospital."

"No!" He shook himself off with surprising force considering his condition. "I gotta find..." he raked a hand through his mottled hair, "I forgot...forgot...her gift...gotta take it to the airport."

At this point, I held his gaze firmly and spoke with authority, the way we'd been taught to deal with people too sick to make their own decisions.

"Edward, there is no way you're going to Miami. You understand that, don't you?"

He made no reply, instead swayed on his feet and took me in through empty, half-lidded eyes. But I didn't wait around for an answer.

"Let's go." When I pulled him harder, he pitched forward so sharply I had to catch him before his knees buckled. "Holy hell, you're burning up. I can feel it through your clothes. Ed, let's go. We've got to get you to the hospital." Adrenaline raced through my veins as I lifted him and half-dragged, half-carried his ass down the hall, all the while reciting the known symptoms in my head:

High-grade fever. Check.

Severe chills. Check.

Muscle aches. Based on how he could barely walk? Check.

Acute lethargy. Check.

As we crossed into the lab, he stopped again and looked at me.

"Where is he?" he asked in a strangled voice.

"Where's who?"

"The boy."

"What boy, Ed?"

"Tom...Tommy."

"Ed, we don't have time-" I yanked him forward.

"Where...where's my son?"

Hallucinations. Check.

"Ed, you don't have a son."

"Where's Bella. She has...she has...she's..."

"Bella's fine, Edward, and she's in Miami. Now, you've got to get to the hospital."

I sat him down on a stool, leaned his damp back against the wall, and snatched my phone off the table, hitting 911. It took two seconds. All the while, I kept my eyes on Edward.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"She can't get sick, Em," Edward choked.

I spat out the necessary info. "Operator, this is Doctor Emmett McCarty, calling from the Centers for Disease Control, and the address is 237 Broadway. I've got an extremely ill colleague with me at the offices, Doctor Edward Cullen, male, thirty-five years old. Presenting with an extremely high, hallucinatory grade fever, I'd say one oh three; chills, muscle aches, lethargy, disorientation - unvaccinated against H5N2. We need an ambulance, stat."

"I'll have an infectious diseases ambulance out to that address right away, Doctor McCarty, but can you confirm-"

One second, Edward sat there lethargically; the next, his body spasmed with a violent fury that dropped him to the floor, where he twitched and jerked convulsively.

"He's convulsing. We need that ambulance now!"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**Will try to update again this weekend. Either way, "see" you soon.**

**Patty**


	35. Chapter 34

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 34**

* * *

**Doctor Emmett McCarty - Microbiologist**

I hate ambulances. Abhor them.

Did you know they paint them white on purpose? Yeah, the blandness is supposed to soothe you, empty your mind and relax your soul and whatnot. That's why hospitals are white, lab coats are white, x-ray machines are white, etc.

Then those ambulance sirens come along and completely annihilate the entire laid-back vibe the bland color is trying to convey with their "Wee-ooh, Wee-ooh, Wee-ooh!"

I mean, on what world is that soothing? I don't care what color the ambulances are painted, once those sirens start blasting, my heart races and my pulse spikes. And don't even get me started on the damn flashing lights looking like fucking disco balls on steroids.

Okay. Some of you may not know this, but when I was a kid, my dad was…an abusive asshole. Not to me, no; to my mom. When I was really young, I'd lock myself in my room to hide from the screaming and the drama. When I'd hear the ambulance roll down the block and see the glaring reflection of its flashing lights on my windows…that's how I'd know things had taken a bad turn.

Oh, don't worry. That particular story ends as well as that kind of scenario can end. You'd be surprised at how quickly a six-foot-tall, two-hundred-pound coward, who finds it easy to square off against a five-foot, hundred pound woman, backs the fuck up when his now sixteen-year-old, six-foot-two-and-still-growing, one-hundred and seventy-five pound son, who's been lifting weights, boxing, and prepping for this moment for the past couple of years squares off against him. Pfft. Fucking bully left and never touched her again.

Yeah, told you we've all got some sort of backstory. Anyway, you know how you show a little kid a picture of a clown to scare it, to get it to scream its head off so you can laugh and laugh and laugh at it?

You all don't do that? Oh. Either way, my point is all you gotta do is show me a picture of an ambulance. The Doctor Emmett McCarty in front of you may not scream, but my little inner _Emmito_ \- like my mom still calls me - yeah, he silently might.

Anyway, I hate ambulances.

So, now you might wonder why I picked a career where I see ambulances somewhat often. It's my way of forcing my mind to see that ambulances aren't inherently bad; that the boogie man isn't behind every single one.

See? Told you I was both an armchair psychiatrist and a philosopher. I still hate ambulances though.

And that Christmas Eve, not only was I riding one, I was riding one that was rushing my colleague, my _panita_…my brother for all intents and purposes, to the hospital.

"Temperature, 104.2"

"Blood pressure, 140 over 90."

"Heart rate, 125 bpm."

"Respiratory rate, 34."

"Sp02, 90 percent. Bag him. Doctor Cullen? Doctor Cullen, can you hear me?"

While the paramedics went back and forth, I clenched my jaw against the ambulance siren's whirring, which was setting my teeth on edge. The mental image of the flashing lights above us made me cringe. Yet none of it...none of it was as terrifying as the image before me of one of the smartest, healthiest, and strongest dudes I'd ever known laid out on an ambulance stretcher, unresponsive to verbal stimuli. His bared chest rose and fell in short, labored spasms that made a joke of his tattoos if one knew what those tattoos stood for, which I did. They were the Celtic symbols for health and strength. Whenever Edward and I went out running, I'd mock them, taunt him by saying he only ever got those for the heads he hoped they'd turn - which they did. In turn, Ed would smirk and tell me to eff off. Same old, same old.

He knew I was just joking though. It's what I did...what I do. I'm a jokester, a clown because...well because it's how I got through my childhood, and Ed knew that too. Fuck, it wasn't some piece-of-shit virus's job to mock his tats now.

"Doctor McCarty, how long has Doctor Cullen been nonresponsive?"

Shaking all the other shit out of my head, I took a quick breath and focused.

"He seized for about fifteen seconds then lost consciousness. You guys arrived two minutes later, so about-"

"So about five minutes now," one of the other paramedics deduced.

We reached the hospital's emergency entrance a few short minutes later. Edward's gurney was swiftly wheeled down the labyrinth of hallways, while I followed, and the paramedics relayed all their triage info to the attending physicians.

"What do we have?" The question came from the head physician, a woman in about her late forties who'd met us at the entrance.

"Male, 35 years old, temperature upon initial check 104.2, now up to 104.8. Blood pressure steady at 140 over 90, heartrate initial check 125 bpm, now up to 130 bpm. Respiratory rate steady at 34, and Sp02 at 90 percent before we bagged him. The patient seized for fifteen seconds or so before our arrival then fell unconscious. He's been unresponsive to verbal stimuli."

"Any past history we know of?"

Here, I spoke up. "He's my colleague at the CDC, Doctor Edward Cullen. Healthy, no underlying issues."

"Good." The doctor in charge looked over her shoulder quickly. "Wait, this is Doctor Edward Cullen of the CDC?"

"Yes."

She blinked and faced forward. "Do we know when all this started?"

"He's had a bad cold for the past week or so, but nothing excessive, and he appeared better yesterday. I saw him last at about 6 p.m last night. He was supposed to meet me early at the labs this morning, and when he finally arrived, he was extremely disoriented, running a high-grade fever, and alternating between severe chills and heavy sweats. Then, he seized."

"History of drug use?"

"No way."

"Paramedics said the patient hasn't had his H5N2Av?"

"Correct."

We reached another set of doors, where one of the doctors swiftly swiped a card, and the doors opened. Everyone sprinted through, guiding Edward's gurney, but when I tried to follow, the doctor in charge spun around and blocked me.

"May I-?"

"I'm sorry, no."

"I'm a doctor." Well, a microbiologist, but I wasn't about to split hairs.

Doctor…?"

"McCarty."

She nodded once in acknowledgment. "You're part of the H5N2 antiviral team as well. I recognize the name. Doctor McCarty, I thought your group was the first to receive the booster – even before we did here in the hospitals?"

"The rest of us did, but...there were extenuating circumstances in Doctor Cullen's case."

She eyed me for a quick second before apparently deciding there was no time to grill me further on the subject.

"I'm Doctor Meyer. We'll take it from here, run tests and bloodwork, work to lower that fever, which appears to be the main concern right now, and confirm or refute what we all suspect here, one way or another."

Like I said, those of us who'd been around the block knew; we just needed to run the right tests before we could actually call a spade a spade.

"Thank you, Doctor Meyer."

"I'll assume you'll contact whoever needs to be contacted. His father is the chief cardiac surgeon in this hospital."

"Yes. Do you happen to know if Doctor Carlisle Cullen is currently in the hospital?"

"That I don't know." She swiped her card and spoke the rest with her back to me as she pushed the door wide open. "But you can have one of the nurses check for you."

"Thank you, I will, and please, keep me apprised..." I trailed off as the door shut in my face.

OOOOO

Before approaching the nurses' station, I took a couple of minutes to catch my breath.

"Be calm, Emmett. _Cálmate, chico_."

The thing is, usually, it was Ed's job to be the calm one, to relay the necessary information to the necessary people in a cool and collected manner. My Latino half made me too impatient for such niceties. Nonetheless, I must've managed to convey my request to the nurses in a coherent manner because they set out to determine Old Doc Cullen's whereabouts for me. In the meantime, I stepped away into a quiet corner, where I placed a protocol call to LeeAnn, our CDC deputy director, who was in London for the holidays.

"Well, it can't be H5N2, thank God," LeeAnn said when I'd finished imparting most of the events and information. "He was one of the first to be inoculated."

There was an awkward pause.

"Wasn't he?" she questioned at my silence.

_Mierda,_ I cursed internally. "There were extenuating circumstances, LeeAnn, which prevented Edward from receiving the inoculation."

Unfortunately, LeeAnn wasn't as ready to accept that vague reply as had been Dr. Meyer.

"Extenuating circumstances? What extenuating circumstances? Edward is the lead for the entire H5N2 antiviral team. He should've been the first one inoculated. We _all_ received the first supply of the vaccine. _Why_ wasn't he inoculated?" With every ensuing sentence, her voice increased in volume and pitch so that by the time she was done, I was holding my cell phone about six inches from my ear. When again I made no reply, LeeAnn simply sighed. "This can turn into a nightmare in a million different ways. Look, it's evening here. My parents are elderly, and I won't break their hearts by rushing out of here now. I'll wish them a Happy Christmas in the morning and then I'll be on a plane out before noon."

"Okay. I'll see you then, Deputy Director."

"And Emmett?"

"Yes, LeeAnn?"

"You make sure no one, and I mean no one other than Edward's immediate family finds out that he's there, laid up in a hospital, and _not_ inoculated with the booster he helped develop. Speak to the doctors attending him and make sure they know their patient's identity and diagnosis are to be kept confidential."

"LeeAnn, Edward was supposed to meet his girlfriend in Miami. She's probably worried by now, and she's going to want to know-"

"I don't care. Call her and make something up. Tell her he had to work over the holidays, and he'll call her when he can."

"LeeAnn, she'll never buy that. Ed would call her himself if something like that were to happen. Besides, they're in a serious relationship, and she has a right to know," I snapped.

"Doctor McCarty...Emmett, can you imagine the field day the anti-vaxxers would have with this if it got out that one of the top Epidemiologists at the CDC _and_ the lead in developing the H5N2Av didn't receive the booster himself? I'm doing this for Edward's sake too, Emmett. Imagine how the director would blow her top if she found out about this?"

"Pardon my French, Deputy Director, but I don't think Edward would give two shits about any of that. Trust me when I say that the last thing he would want is for his girlfriend to be kept in the dark."

"Well, Edward's not capable of making those decisions right now, is he?"

What followed was a few moments of my fisting my hair in one hand, while I turned in a circle and silently called the deputy director every name in the book - in English and in Spanish.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear or understand any of that because I know you're upset about Edward. And Emmett?"

"Yes, _Deputy Director?_" I spat her title through gritted teeth.

LeeAnn sighed again. "Look, it's not just the backlash I'm concerned about here. I'm worried about Edward too, just like you are. But I'm in a position where I _have_ to consider the big picture."

There went that fucking 'Big Picture," again.

"And ignore the minor details in the process?"

"Emmett, sometimes, those minor details have to be ignored in order to save the big picture. Make sure Edward receives top care in that hospital."

"'Course I will, Director," I drawled dryly. "'Course I will."

Ending that fucked-up call, I shut my eyes and hung my head. For a few minutes, I simply stood there, with my pulse throbbing and my shoulders rising and falling, rising and falling. What was it Ed had said that first night when he and Bella had finally gotten together, the night I'd called him thinking he was all by himself and up for a long work session, as he usually was?

_'Em, the way I feel right now, I've got enough hope for the whole world, and I'm hopeful for things I never dared hope for.'_

"Fuck," I expelled harshly.

_'I much prefer short-haired epidemiologists who study the macro-picture over messy-bunned microbiologists who study the micro-picture.'_

I chuckled to myself. "The girl's _fuego_, Ed."

I recalled the way they'd looked at one another that day at the labs when Ed brought Bella around to receive the booster in his place. Their mutual gaze had spilled over with so many emotions, it was honestly hard to look at them together. Poor Maria sure found it hard to witness, but that one needed something to get through to her, and again, that's a different story.

But it was hard for me to look at them too. Here's the thing though; it wasn't because I envied them, no. It was because watching them watch one another felt like an invasion of their privacy. I felt like a voyeur. That's how hugely devoted to one another they appeared.

And now, what? Now, I was supposed to call Bella and lie to her? Tell her that not only was Ed too busy to make his flight to Miami, he was also too busy to call her and let her know himself.

Bella picked up on the fifth ring, and that right there told me things because I could extrapolate too.

She was already panicky. If she'd been merely curious, she would've picked up on the first or second ring. Had she been vaguely concerned, she would've drawn in a deep breath or two and picked up on the third or fourth ring. But the fifth ring...a wait that long meant purposeful delay, which meant apprehension and fear. I could almost picture her staring at the phone, at my number appearing on her phone and knowing it couldn't be good as her shaking hand brought the phone up to her ear.

Yeah, we all have our fears.

The first words out of her mouth were low and shaky. "What's wrong?"

"Bella," I breathed, "I'm not sure what…he came into the office for some last-minute..."

_Deputy Director LeeAnn? Besame el culo._

"He collapsed, Bella. We're in the hospital. They're running tests and bloodwork."

Bella started crying. "Can I speak to him?"

"He's unconscious."

"Oh, God."

For one long moment, as Bella's broken sobs filled the airspace between us, I did wonder if I'd done the right thing. Not because I disobeyed Her Highness the deputy director's direct orders. Fuck that. But because I didn't know how to do this. _I_ wasn't the conveyer of information. That was Ed's job, and I had no idea if he would've wanted me to be so blunt with Bella. He'd always been so protective of her.

But wasn't that what had landed him in deep shit with her in the first place?

And that fever...104.8 and rising. That type of fucking fever fried brains. How could I, in good conscience, keep that from Bella?

It was a moot point anyway, not only because I'd already been honest about his condition, but because when Bella finally spoke, her voice sounded much stronger; decisive. Unwavering.

"I'll be there as soon as I can get a flight out. I was already at the airport waiting for him."

"Let me know your flight information. I'll pick you up."

OOOOO

When I returned to the nurses' station, the head RN informed me that old Doc Cullen had been paged and informed of Ed's admittance to the hospital, and he was on his way. What followed was one of the longest half-hours of my life, while I waited for word on Edward's condition. I called my mom and let her know there was an emergency with Edward, though I didn't go into H5N2 details. Mom was disappointed, of course, that I might not make it to _Noche Buena_, but she understood. She'd known Ed since he and I were college roommates.

"_Emmito, te guardaré las sobras de lechon, okay papi?_ Don't worry. The roast pork leftovers 'll be here waiting whenever you're ready."

I chuckled at my mom's assurances that she wouldn't allow me to starve.

"It's okay, Mom. I don't know that I'll have much of an appetite...but if there are roast pork leftovers, yeah sure. Save 'em just in case."

Just then, old Doc Cullen and Mrs. Cullen rounded the corner and approached swiftly.

"Mom, I gotta go. I'll call you when I can."

"'_Ta bien, Emmito._ Don't worry about me. Your _tias, tios,_ and _primos_ will be here soon. We'll eat and party and listen to some Celia...but my thoughts will also be on sweet little _Edwardsito_. Give him my love when he wakes up."

"Thanks, Mom. I will."

Doctor and Mrs. Cullen approached me wide-eyed. Mrs. Cullen's eyes were glassy as if she was barely keeping the tears at bay. They questioned me simultaneously and with audible desperation.

"Emmett, what is it?"

"What happened to Edward?"

"He appeared at the CDC labs this morning half-dressed, disoriented, with a 104 plus fever, and then he had a seizure."

Doc Cullen's face went ghostly white. Mrs. Cullen clamped a hand over her mouth, allowing those tears she'd barely kept in check to fall freely.

Told you I didn't know how to break things gently.

Doc Cullen had to try a handful of times before he was finally able to speak.

"Do they know what it is, Emmett?"

"They're running tests, Doc, but..."

"It can't be the strain, can it?" Mrs. Cullen asked.

"Of course it's not the strain, Esme," Doc Cullen chided impatiently. "He's vaccinated against it just as we all are."

"Actually..." I shook my head.

They both stared at me with mouths agape. Doc Cullen shut his eyes for a moment and exhaled heavily before reopening them. "Why in the world not?"

Before I could get into my 'extenuating circumstances' short spiel, Doctor Meyer emerged from behind the ICU doors.

"Doctor Meyer." Doc Cullen breathed a sigh of relief as she approached us.

"Doctor Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, Doctor McCarty, I'm glad you're all here." Doctor Meyer's tone and features were unreadable, just as required from a doctor.

"How's my son doing, Doctor Meyer?" Doc Cullen demanded.

"He's in and out of a state of consciousness, but still very disoriented. His fever is almost 105, and that's our main concern at the moment. Fevers that high in adults can have serious and sometimes lasting effects."

"Oh, God," Mrs. Cullen aid in a strangled whisper.

"The high fever is causing the rest of his system to work triple-time, and we don't want him to have another seizure."

"It is the strain?" Mrs. Cullen asked.

"We're running tests, Mrs. Cullen," Doctor Meyer replied sedately. "We can't be sure until we have all the results, but..." She trailed off as her eyes flashed to me knowingly.

"He's regained some consciousness, though?" I asked.

"He comes in and out of it, but as I said, even when semi-conscious, he's highly disoriented. He tells someone called Bella that she can't get sick, tells someone called Tommy that it's okay?"

"Bella is his girlfriend," I confirmed, "but Tommy..." I shrugged and looked at Doc and Mrs. Cullen, who looked back at me blankly and shook their heads.

"Wait," Mrs. Cullen said. Her brow furrowed. "Could he mean...? There was a boy, Tommy, at the playground when Edward and I took JJ there a couple of days ago. The boy was sick. He coughed in Edward's face and got his phlegm all over him. He appeared really sick, but when Edward asked his mom if the boy had been inoculated she confirmed that he had."

My eyes met Doctor Meyer's. Then her eyes met Mrs. Cullen's.

"Do you have contact information for the boy and his parents?"

"No," Mrs. Cullen said, "but we have mutual acquaintances who might."

"Mrs. Cullen," Doctor Meyer said, "would you mind heading to the nurses' station and having them assist you in getting ahold of Tommy's family?"

"But I'd like to see-"

"Mrs. Cullen, as soon as Doctor Cullen can receive visitors, I'll come find you. But right now..." she shook her head. "The best way you can help him is by helping us contact Tommy's family. If he's contracted H5N2, not only do we need to ensure he's being taken care of, but it'll help us with your son's diagnosis as well."

"Okay," Mrs. Cullen agreed in a broken voice. She took a step then turned right back to us. "Bella."

"She's on her way, Mrs. Cullen," I confirmed. "Her flight should be landing in a couple of hours."

"Okay, good. I'll go try to find Tommy."

"And I'll call Alice," Old Doctor Cullen said. "She needs to know her brother is sick."

OOOOO

A couple of hours later, I met Bella at the airport.

I remember the first time I saw Bella. I recalled thinking she was of the highly pretty sort - though her forehead was constantly etched in a frown, her eyes permanently narrowed as she took in the world with little trust. She was still going through her rough phase back then.

The next few times I saw Bella, after she and Ed made up? Holy hell. She was my buddy's girl, so I won't stress it too much. Plus, he was my bro, so to me, Bella was my sis. But yeah, they made a good-looking couple, though that's not why Ed fell in love with her; I knew that much. She was all smiles, and she had a contagious sort of happiness in her voice; it lit up a pair of the darkest eyes I'd ever seen; eyes that were hard to look away from when you spoke with her.

When I picked Bella up at JFK, it was hard to look at her eyes again, but this time, it was because of the haunted look in them. It was downright alarming. She said not one word as she saw me and sprinted toward the airport exit. I had a car waiting, and as soon as we took our seats in the back, I could tell how her entire frame shook almost as badly as Ed's had that morning.

"How is he? Has he woken?"

I shook my head, wishing I had better news for her, and wishing I knew how to do this information conveying thing as well as Ed did. But I didn't. So I gave it to her straight.

"He's in and out of consciousness. He has an extremely high fever, Bella."

"Let's go," she said.

We sped off, and as the car's driver twisted and turned through New York City's late afternoon traffic, Bella shot one question after another at me.

"What does he have, Emmett?"

"We're not exactly sure, but-"

"He caught it, didn't he?" Her nostrils flared. "The strain. He gave me his booster, and he caught it."

"Like I said, we're not sure, Bella. It might be that."

"Why the fuck didn't he just get another booster?" she spat, furiously now.

"The first batch went quickly, Bella. We were waiting for-"

"He should've never given me his- or…" She hung her head and fisted the top of her hair. "I don't know," she choked, sounding almost as lost as Ed had sounded that morning. "I don't even know now."

My brow furrowed, but then I assumed she simply meant she realized that Ed would never regret giving her his booster, even if it meant he was lying in a hospital bed now, fighting off the worst form the fucking virus could've taken.

"Look, I get his reasoning. I do. You were going to be traveling, and even if he suspected there might be a shortage, he wanted to make sure you were okay."

Big fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "But he's such a health freak. How could he get so sick so quickly?"

This is where honest, incautious, and tactless me put on full display why I was never asked to be the public face of the CDC.

"Bella, Edward has been going non-stop for months – for years even. He's healthy, yeah, but he pushes himself to extreme limits, and a body, regardless of how healthy it is, can only take so much before it protests. I was hoping that now, with you…" I held her gaze meaningfully, "that you'd get him to slow down."

"And instead, I was off doing my own-"

"Hey!"

I cut her off because that wasn't where I'd been going. It wasn't a guilt trip.

"Don't you dare. You know if Edward was here, he wouldn't even want to hear you finish that sentence."

She nodded, but I could tell the guilt was still there. Just then, her phone vibrated.

"Rose, Edward's sick." Bella went into a hasty yet accurate description of the events. "They don't know yet. His fever is high- Rose, I know as an empowered woman, I'm not supposed to live for a man, but if anything happens to Edward," she choked.

And while she listened to the reply on the other end, I set myself a mental reminder to let her know, at some point later, that male or female empowerment had nothing to do with it because Ed would lose his mind without her.

Thankfully, whatever this Rose person replied seemed to calm Bella down.

"Thank you," she breathed into the phone. "Rose, I'll call you and let you know what's going on, okay? Oh, all right. Sure." Bella held her phone out to me. "My friend Rose wants to speak with you."

"Emmett McCarty," I said as I took the phone.

"Hi, Emmett," the woman on the other line replied. "I'm Bella's friend, Rose. I just wanted to check and see if Edward can see visitors?"

"Hi. Yeah, I'm Edward's friend, and we're not sure yet."

"All right, can you just keep my number and let me know? I'd like for Bella to have someone there for her right now."

Ooh, Deputy Director LeeAnn would just love this. Not only was I bringing Bella to the hospital, but Bella was bringing friends.

Oh, fuck it.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure I will. She's the most important person in the world to my-"

"Vera, I'll ask," Rose said to someone in the background. "Look, I'm pregnant, and my wife is worried about my being around-"

"I've got to agree with your wife; if you're pregnant, it's probably not ideal for you to show up at the hospital, especially when we're not even sure yet…"

Bella sighed audibly. When I looked over, she had her eyes on the windows to the world as it sped by in a dizzying whirl of gray.

OOOOO

A half-hour later, Bella and I stepped off the elevator and made our way around the maze of corridors to the private room Edward had been given, courtesy of being old Doc Cullen's son. We bypassed security, thanks to more of Old Doc Cullen's pull. Despite her petite stature, Bella easily keeping pace with me.

"Are we almost there?" she asked anxiously as we turned one way and then another. When I assured her we were almost there, she sprinted ahead. "Which way, Emmett? Which way?"

"Take a right at the end of that-"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

_Holy. Fuck._

Holy fuck. Of all people. Of all scenarios we could've encountered as we made our way to Edward's room, this was probably the worst one. And it was likely the one that would get my ass kicked if- no, not if, _when_ Edward regained his senses because how fucking long had he been trying to prevent just this situation: another encounter between his crazy-ass sister and Bella?

As Alice stalked toward us...toward Bella like a lioness measuring the strength of her prey, Bella's steps faltered for a fraction of a second. Then, she resumed her quick pace. And yeah, some childish and admittedly chauvinistic part of me compared them for a sec.

One was what much of the world would consider a blond and blue-eyed beauty who'd been born with every first-world, material privilege.

"I said what are you doing here, Bella? Only _family_ is allowed here."

And despite all that supposed beauty, despite all those undeniable privileges, it had never been enough for little Alice. The whys, again, are beyond the scope of this parable but suffice it to say that in her blind desire for more, Alice had not only stolen from Bella everything Bella once held dear, but she'd pushed Bella to the brink of her mental fortitude.

And because sometimes Life thinks it's a funny fucker, it didn't end there.

"Bella, ignore her," I said, walking close behind her.

Alice's eyes flashed furiously toward me. Yet Bella kept walking.

And that right, in its own way, could've been the sum of this entire story. The parable. The gist. Because those three words defined the latter woman, the dark-haired one whose beauty wasn't the kind that society ingrained in us to see, yet when you stopped and saw it...damn. Bella kept walking. Through everything, she kept walking. And though I knew that, of course, this moment couldn't be easy for her, Bella kept walking.

"Bella, you don't belong here. You need to go."

"She belongs here more than you do," I hissed. "Bella, don't listen to her."

"Emmett, mind your business," Alice spat. "You don't speak for my brother."

"And you fucking do? Pfft. Please."

And all the while, Bella kept walking - right up until Alice blocked her way.

"Alice, I don't have the time nor the patience for your bullshit, so get the hell out of my way. Which way now, Emmett?"

"He's just down this-"

When she bypassed Alice, I breathed a silent sigh of relief...until Alice grabbed Bella's arm.

Bella spun around, shaking her off.

"Fuck," I spat under my breath as both women squared off.

"No," Alice said. "No. You don't get to see him."

When she replied, Bella's voice was a deadly calm Alice should've taken note of.

"I'm going to tell you this once and only once. You touch me again, you'd better be ready to lose a limb. Emmett, let's go."

When she turned and started walking again, I moved beside her and guided her with a hand on her shoulder. And that should've been the end of it, right? But when had little Alice Cullen quit while she was ahead?

"Just who the hell do you think you are, Bella, coming up here to see my brother?"

Bella and I kept walking. "We're almost there, Bella."

She nodded, eyes straight ahead.

"My brother might be stupid enough to think you really care about him, but I don't buy it!"

Old Doc Cullen and Mrs. Cullen stepped out of Edward's room at the end of the hallway.

"I know this was always about getting Jasper back!"

"Alice, enough," Mrs. Cullen snapped.

But when had little Alice Cullen ever been taught to respect and listen to her stepmother?

"You couldn't just leave well enough alone!"

"Damn it, Alice; your brother's unwell, and we're in a hospital," old Doc Cullen hissed - trying to reprimand his daughter about two decades too late.

Alice kept going.

"That's why he could never get you out of his head. Because you're a sneaky, little-"

"ALICE!" Doctor and Mrs. Cullen yelled in unison.

But Bella had begun retracing her steps right around 'Because you're.' Alice got as far as 'bi' before Bella's backhand connected with her face.

The entire hospital, even the machinery, fell silent.

For a few seconds, Alice's face remained angled sideways, her long blond hair covering her cheek. When she straightened and blew away the strands, a wide handprint covered her face.

"Your brother, the only man I've ever really loved, is sick, so you chose the wrong fucking moment because I can't even think right now. When Jasper came looking for me, I gave him ten minutes."

Holy fuck.

"You, I'll spare thirty seconds," she continued. "I'm going to repeat to you what you said to me last year when _you_ broke the conditions of the restraining order. If you want to continue this, there will be consequences, one way or another. You're delusional, and you need help, and if I were a better person, I might feel sorry for you. But I'm not, so I'm done with you."

And with that, Bella spun around, walked toward Doc and Mrs. Cullen, and I expelled every ounce of energy I possessed in trying _not_ to fist pump the air on my buddy's behalf.

Hasty greetings followed, while out of my periphery, I saw Alice just stand there, where Bella had told her a thing or three.

"Bella, hi, I'm Esme. Edward's mother."

"Hi." I could hear the impatience in Bella's tone. She didn't want introductions. She wanted Edward.

"Bella, I'm glad you came," old Doc Cullen said.

Bella nodded. "So, what is it? What's wrong with him?"

"We're waiting on the bloodwork," Doc Cullen said.

"His fever is the worst part," Mrs. Cullen added. "It's so high. He was hallucinating before, calling out for you, Bella. Now, he's just still again. I'm so glad you're here. Come on."

She curved a hand around Bella's shoulder, but Bella didn't budge. And when Bella spoke, all the calm that had been in her tone when she set Alice straight was now gone. Instead, her voice trembled.

"So...we don't know what it is?"

"No, not yet."

Again, Mrs. Cullen attempted to guide Bella toward Ed's room. And again...Bella stood her ground.

"I can't go in there," she whispered.

Esme gave Bella a look that displayed the confusion we were all suddenly feeling.

"Bella, don't worry," I rushed to reassure her. "There are scrubs and masks we can wear to take pre-"

"I can't."

"Bella," Doc Cullen said quietly, "I'm sure if my son sees you he'll feel much-"

It would've been a winner of a statement, one of the most accurate statements Doc Cullen had spoken in a while, had Bella allowed him to complete it.

"I love him with all my heart and soul," she choked, "but I can't take the risk."

No one spoke. No one moved until little Alice Cullen slithered over to her dad.

"Daddy, can I go in and see Edward?"

"Uhm…yeah," Doc Cullen said. "Yes, Alice. Come on, let's go prep you."

As they walked into Edward's room, Esme squeezed Bella's arm and offered her a weak smile.

"I'm going to go in with them, okay, Bella? Thanks for coming."

Bella nodded, and she and I were left alone in the hallway.

I'll admit I was...beyond disappointed. I was disheartened. Frustrated.

Fucking indignant on my buddy's behalf.

I mean, the guy spent two years hopelessly in love with her - emphasis on the hopeless; at least, as far as he thought. In that period of time, he pushed away every other woman who showed interest in him - and mind you, there were a few, some of which he never even noticed. The man even remained celibate for God's sake. He gave Bella his anti-viral vaccination and _perdoname _and I'm sorry, but for what? What had it gotten him? Not that Edward would've ever expected anything in return for either loving her so unconditionally or for giving her his booster, but come on man. Let's be real. He was paying the price for both.

Had I imagined the way she looked at him? Was the devotion I thought went both ways just a one-way figment of my too-romantic, hot-blooded Latino imagination? The devotion was there on his end; that was unquestionable. The truth was, had it been Bella with fucking Ebola or with some unknown disease that was one-hundred-percent contagious and absolutely uncurable, Ed would've been in there with her in a heartbeat, shoving away every obstacle, human or otherwise, that tried to stop him. Had I only hoped she'd do the same? Why did she even get on that plane then? Did all those little details truly mean nothing?

Was the big picture really more important than the small details?

Was there no such thing as the love I thought I'd voyeuristically witnessed between them?

And for one quick moment, I blamed my Cuban grandmother for making me watch all those Spanish telenovelas with her when I was little. Apparently, they'd turned me into a fucking hopeless romantic, made me believe in things that didn't exist; in some bullshit 'the one,' and some fake-ass '_feliz para siempre.'_

I drew in a deep breath and remained as stoically impassive as I could manage - for my _panita's_ sake.

"It's all right, Bella. Everyone has certain fears they can't overcome. Come on." Carefully lifting a hand to her shoulder, I meant to guide her to the nice and safe waiting area. "Let me take you to the waiting area, and then I'll come back and-"

"Emmett, can you please do me a favor?"

For Edward, for my bro, who would love her no matter what?

"Sure, Bella."

OOOOO

It was a...strange favor. But at least, Ed might hear her voice, see her image on the screen - which she could've done just as well from Miami. Perhaps it would reach his subconscious somehow, somewhere, and help him fight the fever.

"You ready?" I asked once I was properly situated in front of Ed's bed and holding the phone screen to face him.

"Yes."

I, like the rest of Ed's family, had my scrubs on, though none of us wore our masks. No, we didn't have the official confirmation, but we knew what it was, and we'd all been vaccinated against it, including Bella. When Bella caught sight of Edward's nonresponsive and flushed face, she whimpered. That, combined with the quiet sobs did make me feel bad. I supposed it was a difficult sight to drink in. Meanwhile, Ed's mom sat silently, holding his limp hand. Alice stood behind Esme, looking awkward and unhappy to be there. Carlisle read Ed's chart and took his vitals.

"All right, Bella, go ahead."

"Edward?" she said. "It's me, Bella."

Edward didn't stir.

"He comes in and out of it," Mrs. Cullen explained. "Keep talking to him, Bella."

"Edward," Bella said, "Edward, I'm here."

Edward shifted slightly under his covers and expelled a low moan. Other than that, he showed no signs of hearing her.

"His fever is still high, Bella," Esme said.

"Edward, it's really me. I'm here. I mean, I'm not in there, and I wish I could be. I swear I do."

Alice snorted.

"Edward, listen to me. I've got something important to tell you. I wish I could tell you in person, but…" Bella paused for half a minute. "You and I, we made a promise to one another a few weeks ago. We said we wouldn't keep things from one another anymore, not even if that meant discussing them through something as impersonal as a phone or a laptop."

She stopped as we all watched for some sort of reaction, but there was none.

"Keeping things from one another has caused us so much grief. But we've been sharing, haven't we? We've been apart for a few weeks, yet even through something as simple as a phone call, I get to share my days with you, my thoughts, and all my realizations."

Again, we watched and waited, yet Ed showed no reaction, no sign that he was aware of Bella's screentime presence.

"Here's another realization, Edward. This one literally hit me just a few moments ago. Ready?"

For the first time all day, I could hear a smile in Bella's voice. She waited as if allowing him an opportunity to respond.

"Edward, I've realized I don't care that your mom made a choice I'll never understand."

Girl had balls in some areas; I'd give her that.

Esme looked up, startled, but then simply sighed and returned her attention to Edward.

"I don't care that your dad made a choice I'll understand even less."

Old Doc Cullen ignored her.

"And I don't care that Jasper will always be your nephew's father or that your sister has issues."

Here, I'm sorry, but I fucking chuckled while Alice scowled at the phone in my hand but wisely kept her mouth shut lest Bella deliver another backhand later.

"I don't care about any of it. In fact, I'll embrace them all as part of our dysfunctional family, maybe a bit more dysfunctional than most, but…whatever."

Now, I couldn't help snickering.

"And I can be around them or not be around them. It doesn't matter. I've realized how little all of it matters in the grand scheme of things because…" Bella drew in a series of uneven breaths. "Are you ready for this? It's an analogy."

Edward made no reply.

"In the grand scheme of things, you and I are Chaos. That Day was _our_ Chaos – our huge, random yet universe-altering event. But then, within our Chaos, a butterfly, no less important for its diminutiveness, flapped its wings, and Edward, its effect will be life-changing. A beautiful, perfect stone has been cast in our pond, and it's going to ripple far and wide."

Underneath a thin hospital-grade, white, and bland sheet, Ed's chest rose and fell erratically. But then...had I imagined...had he just...sighed? I looked around to see if anyone else noted anything, but Doc Cullen was staring at the machines, Mrs. Cullen was pushing back a stray lock of Ed's damp hair, and little Alice was inspecting her manicure.

"They're shitty analogies, I know," Bella said over the phone screen. "I should've chosen something much simpler than the Theory of Chaos to compare-"

"Chaos…butterfly…"

Esme's breath hitched wildly as her son spoke in a whisper. Doc Cullen and Alice both stopped what they were doing to gape.

"Holy shit," I mouthed.

"Bella…" Edward breathed, "you're pregnant."

OOOOO

Excuse me, I've got something in my eye. I mean...in my throat. Let me just clear it a bit...okay. Okay, I'm good.

Anyway. Do you guys remember what I said at the very beginning of this little parable-

Oh, come on, give me a break. Yeah, it's a bit longer than a _little_ parable, but don't you guys think it was worth it?

And that right there is the point. Sometimes things take longer...are harder than we initially thought they'd be, but the pay-off...man, the pay-off...

Like I was saying, do you guys remember what I said at the very beginning of this _long-ish_ parable here?

It was this: Everyone always makes _such_ a fuss over 'The Big Picture' as if there'd even _be_ a big picture without those minuscule yet massively important micro parts, that collection of micro-images all pieced together.

Why did Ed see what he saw when he was a kid, and how did it affect the man he grew to be?

Why couldn't Bella have kids with her husband, and why was Ed even there on the day of her breakdown?

Afterward, why did those two seemingly star-crossed people resonate so powerfully with one another?

Why did Bella fall in love with the brother of the woman who betrayed her?

Why did Ed fall in love with a woman who stood for everything that was unresolved in his past?

Why did their relationship have to wait until Bella was in a good place both physically and emotionally?

Why did Ed stop wearing super-heavy-duty-condoms?

Come on, that _is_ an important one!

Okay, fine, fine. Why did Bella's publishers decide to send her on a book tour in the middle of an outbreak one phase from becoming a pandemic?

Why did Ed give Bella his booster?

Why would Bella leave behind her book tour to get on plane to New York with nothing but the clothes on her back, be willing to risk losing everything...everything except the one thing neither she nor Ed would ever risk?

So when we got to that 'Aha!' moment, to that "So _that's_ why all that went down' moment, it was one small detail, the nucleus of this here set of seemingly random events, which would forever tie all those other moments together.

OOOOO

I laughed.

While Mrs. Cullen shrieked with joy, and old Doc Cullen patted his son's leg, and Alice bitched and moaned about the unfairness of her life...and Ed just smiled, eyes still closed, but his breathing somewhat less labored, _perdoname_ and I'm sorry, I roared my ass off because if that wasn't just the best ending to that entire scenario, then I don't fucking know what would've been.

"Yes, Edward." Bella finally confirmed it, though we knew. By then, we were all extrapolators. If nothing else, that contagious sort of happiness that was once again in Bella's voice would've given it away. And yeah, I owed her an apology for my kinda wicked thoughts a bit earlier.

"Yes, baby," she said to the room at large. Yet she spoke solely to my buddy. "Yes, I'm pregnant."

OOOOO

Oh, wait, wanna know what made it an even better ending?

They made me godfather.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

***Happy Thanksgiving to all, even those outside of the U.S. Life can be a bitch, but every once in a while...it makes sense.***

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon.**


	36. Outtake - Edward and the Butterfly

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**I hadn't been planning to tell this from Ed's pov because he was somewhat out of it, but…this came to me this morning, and it demanded to be written. So here you go, a quick outtake of Ed's foggy thoughts while he was in the hospital, and right before he receives Bella's news. Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

**Outtake – Edward and the Butterfly**

For what felt like an eternity, the fiery burning consumed me; it flared its way up my throat and into my head before rushing downward and devouring my flesh. I saw puzzling and disturbing images which were a reflection of my worst fears: The entire world burned, taking with it my family and friends. Worst of all…worst of all, I saw a woman…

A woman…a beautiful, dark-haired woman lay unconscious in a hospital. She was hooked up to a series of hospital machines, while a white-coated and copper-haired doctor hovered above her, checking her weak vitals. An unfamiliar voice called out from behind them.

'_You didn't protect her, Doctor Cullen, and you lost them.'_

_Them._

'_I feel a bit off, like I'm coming down with something…'_

_**Them**__._

'_Can you hear me, Doctor Cullen? You lost them.'_

'_Doctor Cullen, can you hear me?'_

When the doctor conducting the examination turned his face toward me, it was my own eyes that met mine.

I was the doctor.

'_Edward?'_

For an indeterminable moment in time, there was nothing. The excruciating pain receded, though, it didn't completely vanish. Its burn was more than enough to keep my limbs weighed down as it dispelled its smoky fog throughout my mind.

There were moments when the fog almost lifted and when certain sounds waded through the nebulous haze, wandering close enough to the few edges of my mind that hadn't been layered by the mist, close enough for me to hear weak, muffled vibrations. There were various beeps interspersed with voices.

"Edward? Honey? It's…"

"Doctor Cullen? Can you…?"

"Panita, wake…on her way…"

Abruptly, the smoke would reach in and like a claw, it snatched those voices, that stimuli away before it got too close, before I could understand.

I began to fear. I feared the smoke would never entirely clear. But if the world had truly ended, if I'd truly lost her…lost them, why fight the fog?

So, I burned, and abruptly, I traveled to an arctic land and through a blizzard so blindingly biting I found myself wishing for the return of the burn. My limbs turned to icicles ready to crack and shatter. Dry ice filled my throat and sent its bitter cloud into my mind. Back and forth I traveled between two forms of hell, until-

Until…

"Edward…Bella…"

That sound…that voice…

'_You didn't protect her, Doctor Cullen. You lost them.'_

"…here…really me…"

That voice. If that voice…if _she_ was here, then I _hadn't_ lost her…lost them.

"…not in there…wish I…"

The voice, the sweetest voice ever, broke. It stopped. With its pause, the racing in my chest quickened, the way a horse's hooves accelerate when they're in view of the finish line. The blood in my veins pumped harder. The beeping around me kept pace.

"…listen to me…something important…"

The voice…she kept speaking, but the fog, the damned fog fought to remain in control. It circled furiously around my head, ensured it found every corner and crevice.

"…been apart for weeks…"

She kept speaking, but I couldn't…the haze was so damn thick, and I couldn't…

When she stopped again, dread consumed me; a fear that she'd given up, that my lack of response meant she'd never continue, and that I…that I'd never hear that voice again. The possibility of such an outcome now sent a different sort of fire racing through me. Adrenaline, fury pumped in my veins, and it was _my_ fury, not the fog's fury. I drew in a series of breaths, squeezed my hands and my eyes and shoved the fog further into the recesses of my mind, freeing clear space so that if she…if the voice ever chose to speak again…

"Edward…don't care that your mom made a choice I'll never understand."

Yes. Yes, keep speaking. Please, keep speaking.

"…don't care that your dad…"

Dad. My dad. I didn't want _Dad_ near that voice; I knew that much. I didn't trust _Dad_ around that voice. A distinct sort of wariness now filled me, but I couldn't focus on it because the voice continued, and it required all my strength and effort to keep the fog at bay so I could hear and attempt to understand the voice.

"…don't care that Jasper will always be your nephew's father or that your sister has issues."

Jasper, the rat bastard. My sister. And…my nephew.

When the fog attempted to reclaim the space from which I'd forced it, I rammed it down. This was massively important, and I had to understand it because Jasper and my sister…and my nephew, JJ…they were the three names which in their own ways, had once caused that sweet voice unspeakable pain. I _had_ to focus. I had to know what the sweet voice was saying.

"I don't care about any of it. In fact, I'll embrace them all as part of our dysfunctional family, maybe a bit more dysfunctional than most, but…whatever."

Another voice – a familiar, loud male – snickered.

"And I can be around them or not be around them. It doesn't matter. I've realized how little all of it matters in the grand scheme of things because…" The voice, she…Bella…_my Bella_ drew in a series of uneven breaths. "Are you ready for this? It's an analogy."

I'm ready, baby. I'm ready.

"In the grand scheme of things, you and I are Chaos. That Day was _our_ Chaos – our huge, random yet universe-altering event. But then, within our Chaos, a butterfly, no less important for its diminutiveness, flapped its wings, and Edward, its effect will be life-changing. A beautiful, perfect stone has been cast in our pond, and it's going to ripple far and wide."

Her voice…_Bella's_ voice wasn't in the room with me. It transmitted through a phone; I could tell the difference now, and I thanked every being in existence for that because Bella shouldn't be in a hospital room now.

And in the next moment, it was a long-ago memory that came to me, snippets of a conversation between my mom, Esme, and me at a restaurant. It occurred about a year after That Day and shortly after I'd returned from a year working abroad, a year during which I'd remained busy yet thought of the woman in that lobby nightly. And in between those nightly thoughts, I'd extrapolated so much from our one encounter that I'd fallen in love with her.

But the day with Mom at the restaurant, we'd been discussing the events of That Day, and in the midst of our discussion, Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect had found their way into the conversation.

"_You know what The Butterfly Effect is, right?" Mom had asked._

"_More or less. Something to do with Chaos Theory."_

'_One minuscule change in a complex system can have reverberating effects…a man stops for a sandwich and triggers two world wars, another man's application to art school is rejected, and he lives on in infamy…a woman finally finds herself and…"_

"They're shitty analogies, I know," Bella said.

A woman finally finds herself, and she relinquishes the emotional and physical hold her past had on her. Because mental health _and_ physical health are interrelated. The woman flourishes emotionally, and her _entire system_ flourishes. It _blooms_.

And the man who fell in love with this woman in a place where he should've never been, the man who loves her and trusts her more than he loves and trusts anything or anyone in the world, pours his complete love and trust…he pours his entire heart and soul into her when they finally make love, and what results from their mutual Chaos is…is a beautiful, perfect butterfly.

"I should've chosen something much simpler than the Theory of Chaos to compare-"

"Chaos…butterfly…" I couldn't move or open my eyes; the fire and fog still controlled my physiological system.

But it didn't control my mind.

"Bella…you're pregnant."

I breathed the words into the ensuing silence, possibly managed a weak smile, I couldn't be sure. Yet inside – despite the burn intermingled with ice and intermingled with pain – inside, I stood at the highest peak of the highest mountain, where I overlooked a blooming, blossoming field. In the middle of the field stood my Bella.

It had been an arduous climb.

"Yes, Edward," Bella said.

It had been an arduous climb, but Bella…and our baby would be by my side for the entire trip down.

"Yes, baby. Yes, I'm pregnant."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this little outtake. **

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	37. Chapter 36

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**We're inching closer toward the finish line. (Emphasis on the inching, lol) ;)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 36**

* * *

**Edward**

Time was unmeasurable.

Its passage was ambiguously punctuated by moments of a vague awareness that blended with aberrant and fantastical imagery. Past, present, and imagination all intermingled and became one. In this state animated suspense, there was no distinction between delusion and reality.

At some undefined period, a bolt of all-encompassing warmth transcended any and all borders between delusion and reality and rushed me from limb to limb. It filled me so wholly that I knew, even if nothing else around me was real, the warmth was unequivocally so. It settled in my chest like a ray of morning sun. Its sublimity flooded into every extremity with an intensity that made my heart jolt. Stuttering breaths escaped me, brought on by the potent bolt of adrenaline this new sensation engendered from a source completely unlike the agonizing inferno which had so recently flayed open my chest, seared my throat, and attempted to turn my mind into a scorched and barren wasteland.

No; this warmth was gentle and soothing. It was like the first assuaging breeze that skims your skin at the tail end of a long and fiery heatwave. This warmth carried with it the promise of relief. It was alleviating rather than raging. And just like that breeze, this particular warmth was a small yet powerful reminder that better days...the best of days were up ahead if one could just withstand the miserable heat.

Almost simultaneously, a series of tones filled my ears. At times, they sounded urgent; at times, they sounded gentle. Yet each tone was indistinguishable from the other; or rather, all except for one were indistinguishable. It was the lone, bewitchingly hypnotic tone that I cleaved to in the nebulous darkness surrounding me. The other tones came and went with their notes of underlying fear and ready assurance, but that one tone always remained, always maintained its steady warmth, never wavered.

The tone became the compass by which I oriented myself in the pitch black. When the tone morphed into a minuscule pinpoint of bright light, a beacon, I eagerly followed the light. It led me to voices once again - and to the most beautiful voice in existence.

"...hear me...feel me...your hand...here, Edward..."

"...see...?...heart rate...spiked..."

"...he knows...holding his hand."

"...really think he knows I'm here, Emmett?"

"...he knows...dude loves you...loco...attuned..."

"...can't help worrying..."

"...his temperature...dropping slowly but surely...swear to you...be fine."

"...he told me once...H5N2...dangerous fevers...damage..."

"...over a hundred-and-five fever...extrapolated...analogy...frikkin' Chaos Theory...butterflies. Trust me...ain't nothing wrong...brain."

"...trust you but...was _not_ a shitty analogy."

"...totally was! You said...yourself!"

"...Edward...here...No...Mrs. Cullen. I'm good."

"...call me Esme...my son...upset...need your rest..."

"I'll rest here...Esme...I won't push beyond my limits..."

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen. I'd appreciate...definitely rather stay...tonight."

Then...there was _only_ her voice.

"…_not_ star-crossed lovers, do you hear me? …together now…resolved…issues…not even your family…been around them all night…other than for a little slap...all survived in one piece." A soft, musical chuckle followed. "...sorry...not funny...figure it out…you get better...I won't allow you…especially not now…remember what I said...?...butterfly...?"

At her mention of the butterfly, my pulse began racing. My heart rate accelerated.

"...because you hear me, don't you?" Peculiarly, she sounded indignant now; impatient. "Well, if you want to hear me say it again…then…won't repeat until…open your eyes and look at me, Edward Cullen…love you so…need you…we both do…better get better..."

Those last words were delivered more like a command than a request. Strangely, the racing in my heart decelerated at the edict; the rushing in my veins calmed. Her voice was the master of my system. Because she was the ruler of my heart.

The next time the darkness dissipated, _Bella_ and I were at the top of a mountain. My hand was wrapped within hers, and together, we made our way down the winding slope. At times, we traveled precariously close to burning fields; so close the heat tinged the fine hair on my arms. At times, we bypassed ice-covered ridges where billowing snow churned and made me shiver.

None of it affected Bella, and for that, I offered silent gratitude. With my hand threaded through hers, she kept our progression linear and away from all the dangers. The closer we came to the base of the mountain, the fewer burning fields we passed; the fewer ice-covered ridges we encountered, until all I felt was the warmth emanating from the woman beside me.

When we finally reached the mountain's base, Bella stopped. Turning to face me, she stood on the tips of her toes, cradled my face in her hands, and pulled me closer, brushing her soft lips against my forehead.

"We're here, baby. Wake up."

OOOOO

I woke to the sound of violent retching.

It only took a moment to surmise that it wasn't coming from me. However, other things took longer to work out. Opening my eyes, I squinted against the thin yet bright band of sunlight peeking in through shuttered blinds. It had been years since I'd actually seen light.

Or...had it?

At that moment, I had no clue. Slowly allowing my eyes to widen, I drew in a series of successive breaths. Then I heard the vomiting once again.

It came from what was likely the bathroom in this unfamiliar room. At the same time in which I noted that, I also noted the small, narrow couch that had been pulled parallel to my bed - a hospital bed. The couch and the bed would've made one flat, even surface had they been at the same level. Someone wanted to be as close as physically possible without actually climbing into the bed. The blankets over the couch were rumpled as if they'd been recently abandoned. I noted the sweet, familiar scent wafting from them; as a matter of fact, the scent permeated all the air around me. It was a soothing, calming scent unlike the usual, overly sterile and sanitized smell of these places. I inhaled the comforting scent greedily - until the gagging in the bathroom resumed. Then, I stopped breathing altogether.

I began to recall other things.

_'I've been feeling off...'_

_'You and I are Chaos, and within our Chaos, a butterfly flapped its wings, and its effect will be life-changing...'_

The room tilted at a nauseating angle. I shut my eyes and swallowed hard, instantly regretting the latter when a sharp, blade-like spasm sliced through my throat and almost made me gag as ferociously as the person in the bathroom. The pain served as a further reminder of other strange images, which now performed a disconcerting dance in my mind.

I saw myself lying lethargically on my couch at home, struggling for the strength to get up and board my flight to meet Bella.

I felt myself burning, clawing at my throat, and I saw the world beyond my windows burning along with me, while people in the street were charred to a crisp.

I saw myself swaying through the tunneled hallways at the CDC labs, then Emmett's horrified face looming large before me.

I heard ambulance sirens.

I heard unrecognizable voices. _'Doctor Cullen, can you hear me? Can you hear me, Doctor Cullen?'_

Then I heard my own voice taunting me; my own face staring back at me accusingly. _'You didn't protect her, Doctor Cullen, and you lost them.'_

I felt the ensuing despondency and saw myself lost in a dark, foggy mist, glad to be so because if I'd lost her...if I'd lost _them_, then there was no point in finding my way out.

I saw the mist morph into a blizzard, and I felt the blizzard funnel its way into my throat. I felt my bones turn into icicles that splintered and cracked.

I heard_ her voice. 'You and I are Chaos...a butterfly flapped its wings... its effect will be life-changing...'_

Obviously, not all of these images could possibly be real. The question was, how to extrapolate reality from fantasy when your mind was barely out of the clutches of febrile delusions?

When the heaving in the bathroom finally subsided, I reopened my eyes yet kept them stuck to the bathroom door. My heart knocked painfully against my rib cage, my brain hammered against my skull, and my hands shook. All the while, I chanted a plea under my breath.

"It's not her, it's not her, it's not her."

When Bella stepped out of the bathroom dressed in nothing more than a robe and slippers, the baffling sight took a far second place to the terror that shot through me. Almost instantly, she discovered my eyes on her, and her footsteps halted as she took me in through tired eyes rimmed in dark circles; yet even from this distance, I saw them sparkle with undeniable joy.

"Edward!"

She rushed forward, and just as she'd done on that mountain...on that...mountain?...she cradled my face between her warm hands and brushed her lips against my forehead. Pulling back, she replaced her lips with her palm, her brow creasing in deep focus.

"Your fever's gone down some more, and you're awake."

She let out a long breath, and the lines on her forehead receded. While on the other hand, my anxiety only increased by leaps and bounds because Jesus, she couldn't be here. Not now. Not when...when...

"What are you doing here, Bella?" My voice erupted rough and hoarse as each syllable I spoke scraped against my throat like sandpaper.

Bella offered me a baffled smile. "Where else would I be?"

"In Miami," I hissed, "on your book tour. Anywhere but here."

The lines marring her smooth brow returned. "Edward, you got sick."

"I know I got sick, Bella. I remember. But why are you here?"

My nostrils flared, and even the sting of that long-ago injury made a bewildering and senseless comeback. Meanwhile, Bella scrutinized me carefully, and despite the rasping torture provoked with my every spoken word, I had to convey the urgency of the situation. But when I made the attempt, my voice broke weakly.

"If you get sick-"

"Shh." Bella quickly cradled my face and susurrated comfortingly. She brushed her lips against my forehead yet again, oblivious to the urgency, to the peril my proximity caused. Fighting against every natural instinct, I struggled against her warm grip.

"Bella, stop it." She yielded and released me. "You need to leave this room, this hospital, right _now_!"

Yet, instead of leaving, Bella merely sighed. She then proceeded to gingerly take a seat next to me, on the edge of the hospital bed. Incredulous, I could only gape at her.

"You know, a wonderfully-selfless epidemiologist gave me his booster vaccine a few weeks ago, then waited too long to receive his own, and now there's a shortage. That was massively irresponsible of him because he of all people should've known better."

"It was irresponsible, and I should've fucking known better, yes." I welcomed the blistering torment the furiously spat words bred in my throat. It kept me focused. It reminded me that this was nothing..._nothing_ to what could happen to Bella due to my stupidity.

"And now," I continued, "you and your..."

But...what if it wasn't real?

What if her lack of self-preservation instincts, her lack of fear was because there really was less to fear than I imagined? What if I _had_ imagined it; if the _butterfly_ had simply been another part of my febrile delusions?

"Your tour..."

That much, I'd already succeeded in ruining without a doubt. That much was neither fantasy nor delusion. But what if saying the words on the tip of my tongue, asking the question burning a literal hole in my throat merely served to torture _her_ with something that might never be?

Bella offered me a careless shrug. "My tour can wait. Over the past couple of years, I've made good friends and great connections including an agent who, while ditzy, also happens to be amazing at what she does. She's coordinated with the publishers, rescheduled the rest of my readings for after the holidays, and kept us on track for the same release date."

All the while, I shook my head. No matter what she said, while she remained in this room, her words absolved me of nothing.

"I could've ruined everything for you, Bella. You shouldn't have come."

"Stop." Bella dipped her head to my eye level and waited for me to meet her dark gaze. "Nothing is ruined, and of course I came. And from now on, I'm going to make sure you take care of yourself as well as you take care of others." She huffed and crossed her arms against her robe-clad chest. "You know, I'm really angry at you."

"You should be." My breaths erupted hard and heavy, making my lungs ache and my words quiver. "Bella...I guess I was…hallucinating. I had a dream. I thought…I thought…"

My head overflowed with a cacophony of half-formed thoughts intermingled with fever-induced visions and memories, and interspersed were latent dreams and wishes brought to the surface by disorientation. Yet saying that much alone was unforgivable; completing the thought aloud would've been the most heinously selfish act of insensitivity toward Bella yet on my part. To hint at it! To seek confirmation one way or the other! Out of sorts or not, how much of a self-absorbed asshole could I possibly be?

Except...except they were dreams and wishes which I suddenly couldn't keep myself from wanting more than I'd ever wanted anything. And while I battled with my muddled mind and my weakened will, Bella carefully took my shaking hand, threaded her fingers through mine, and brought our entwined hands to rest in between the slit in her robe...just above her soft stomach.

All my breath left me in a dizzying rush.

Throwing my head against the pillow served to rattle my already addled brain. I swallowed despite the pain and squeezed my eyes shut. Finally, I managed a whisper.

"It wasn't a dream." It was a half-strangled question more than a statement.

"No. It wasn't a dream."

"Bella..."

Chaos.

Butterfly.

It wasn't a dream, which meant Bella's presence here was as horribly dangerous as I'd initially feared.

My eyes popped open, round and terrified. "If you or…or our _baby_ gets sick…"

Yet once again, Bella simply chuckled.

"Edward, baby you're tired and still a bit disoriented, so I'll repeat to you what man-bun-wearing microbiologist and your fellow virus expert Emmett, as well as world-renowned surgeon Carlisle, assured me when they told me that you'd indeed caught that H5N2 flu strain: _I'm_ inoculated against it. Therefore, so is our baby. Edward, our tiny peanut is floating safe and sound inside me."

Pinching my eyes shut, a long series of uneven sighs escaped me.

"And it's all because you, Edward Cullen, made sure that I wouldn't get sick. You protected our family without even knowing you were doing so." With my eyes still shut, I felt more than saw the smile on her beautiful face; I felt her sweet breath on my face...her warm lips kissing away an errant tear from my jaw. "Thank you, my love."

"I love you so goddamned much." The words were strangled, ragged and rough, and yeah, they physically hurt to speak, but the truth of them was like a healing balm to every ache and pain remaining inside me. "How is it possible for you to make me this happy while I'm splayed out and useless in a hospital?"

When I reopened my eyes, I watched her mouth widen into a broad grin. "I've asked myself the same question all night. How am I so happy right now when he's splayed out in a hospital? Maybe it's because Emmett and your dad both assure me you'll be just fine, and I trust one of them implicitly, while the other…well, I'm starting to trust him regarding certain things, at least."

I released a guttural chuckle, and when Bella cradled my cheek, her thumb stroking the thick stubble on my jawline, I finally allowed myself to return the gesture, drawing circles with my thumb on her stomach.

"There's a baby in there," I grinned.

"I know!" she chuckled. "It still feels unreal. I went to the doctor yesterday morning, and I had to pee on _five_ pregnancy sticks before I could even begin to believe it. By the way, Doctor Gerandy says you must have some strong fucking swimmers."

"Really?" I snorted.

"You see, Edward, since those five pregnancy tests came back positive, I'm seeing how all the mountains we feared insurmountable are nothing more than tiresome hills, and some…aren't even that. Some are tiny bumps in the road." Once more, Bella rested her forehead on mine. "You and I and this life our love has _somehow_ created," she chuckled yet again, and despite her aura of calm, I could make out the remnants of her own shock, "that's what matters. Do you remember what else I said?"

I nodded languidly, while the rest of her earlier speech filled my slowly-adjusting mind.

"You said you don't care that I have a nut-job for a sister."

Bella confirmed the accuracy of the memory with a chuckle. "I don't."

"Even if she once caused you a massive amount of pain?"

"We'll never tell her this," she whispered, "but had she never done what she did, you and I would've never ended up together."

When she pulled away to hold my gaze, I scrutinized her expression. Alice was my sister; she'd _always_ be my sister, and she'd always be someone who'd once hurt Bella deeply.

"I suppose that's one way to look at it. And it doesn't mean you have to forgive her."

She snorted. "Oh, I know that. As a matter of fact...anyway, we'll talk about that later. The point is, what she and Jasper did wasn't an insurmountable mountain. It was a hill I had to scale, and on the other side…were you and this baby."

"A mountain?"

"Or a hill. Whichever analogy you prefer."

"I saw you on a mountain. There was fire raging on one side of it, and a blizzard brewing on the other, but you helped me down the mountain safely."

For a long moment, Bella gazed at me. "And you tell me I'm the one with the creative imagination."

"I guess that didn't happen, huh?"

"I don't think so."

"Bella," I breathed, "what I'm trying to say in my admittedly still-mixed-up-in-the-head way is that you are the center...you're literally at the core of all good things in my life."

"Edward, two, three years ago, I could've never imagined my life being this full. But you and this baby..." she gazed at me in open wonder and love, "you two are the most important parts of it."

Smiling softly, she then pressed my hand firmly over her stomach, so that her smooth skin contracted under my touch. I hissed and tried to pull away, terrified of harming our newly-forming child, but Bella held on tightly.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"I've got a baby growing in there, not an ulcer."

Nonetheless, when she pressed her mouth to mine, I forced myself to turn away.

"Stop."

Bella's lips twisted into a smirk as she huffed through her nostrils. "You know, I'm beginning to think you're not happy about having me here."

"I love you, but no, I don't want you here. Bella, I know, in my head, that you and our baby are inoculated and safe, but…"

It was an irrational fear,and I knew it. But I was powerless against it. As I swept my eyes around the hospital room, all I saw were minuscule microbes dancing tauntingly in the air. I shuddered.

"All I can think about now are all the fucking germs and viruses swirling around you. I can practically see them."

"These next few months are going to be fun with you."

"Bella, I'll be fine, and I'll be out of here in a day or two. Go home, and by home, I mean back to the apartment you share with Mack. I've got to have the loft sterilized before you move in."

Bella brows met her forehead. "I'm moving in?"

"Aren't you?" I raked my hand back and forth through my hair, pulling at the knots that had formed overnight. "I mean, I assumed…but if you're not ready-"

She kissed me fast and hard, laughing at me when I pushed her away yet again.

"You don't have to twist my arm to convince me to move into that gorgeous loft."

"Ah, so it's the loft that's convinced you?"

"But give me time, okay? Let me finish this tour-"

"Do you have to-"

"Yes, I do. And let me give Mack enough time to find just the right roommate. She's very particular about who she lives with." Bella's eyes flashed to the hospital room's door. "As a matter of fact, she texted me last night that she'd be here bright and early this morning to keep me company. I wonder if she's here yet? Maybe I can ask Emmett to keep an eye out for her. He said he'd be returning bright and early too."

"Never mind all of them." I swallowed hard and ignored the ensuing spasm. "I know I'm going to sound like an asshole here, but now I'm going to be so damn nervous about the rest of that tour."

When Bella's dark eyes returned to me, beginning to look more exasperated that amused, I let it go and sighed in surrender.

"Fine. Just promise me you'll be careful and that you'll take care of the both of you; eat well, rest, vitamins, exercise-"

"So, in other words, _not_ what you were doing here while I was gone."

When she quirked a brow, I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a palm between us.

"Edward, Emmett told me you've been pushing yourself way too hard for the past few months…for the past few years."

"Emmett's full of sh-"

"He's not, Edward. He's not."

As I opened my mouth again, the justifications danced on the tip of my tongue. Yes, perhaps I'd pushed myself a bit for the past few months, possibly for the past couple of years. But there were diseases that needed to be stopped. There were Life's constant issues, such as a broken heart I'd tried to escape, family matters that constantly plagued me. Then, there was an influenza virus that threatened to become a pandemic. What was I supposed to do?

But as I took in Bella's dark, suddenly anxious eyes, the tiny, parallel lines that always formed between her brows when she was concerned about something, the lip she only ever bit when she was uneasy, and when I considered the immeasurable fear I would've felt for the past thirty-six to forty-eight hours had it been the other way around, had Bella been the one to contract a potentially grave virus and end up in the hospital all because of 'what-ifs' and excuses about the hardships of Life...

Had it been the other way around, I wasn't sure _I_ would've survived the night.

And I could blame all those Life circumstances and ongoing diseases, but in reality, I'd had no one but myself to blame, whereas now...now I had so much more than just my own self as reasons to take care of me, to remain healthy.

_Protect yourself, so that you can protect others._

"I'll take care of myself properly too."

I promised it solemnly. And when shadow of anxiety disappeared from Bella's dark eyes, when the tiny lines receded from between her brows, when she stopped biting her lip and instead exhaled the breath she'd been holding before allowing a wide smile to grace her lovely face, I breathed a sigh of my own relief.

Haven't you heard the news?" Grinning, I took both of Bella's hands. "Come here. Climb on this bed."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Unfortunately, not what you obviously do; at least, not right now. Give me a few."

Bella giggled and shrieked as I hefted her up with an exaggerated huff. "Edward! Watch all your wires. Jesus, Edward, if those nurses come in and find me here like this...they were already pissed off that I didn't leave you to them all night."

I rolled my eyes, and when I finally had her on the bed, I guided her into a kneeling position in front of me. Then, with our eyes locked on one another, with my heart racing once more and the monitor beeping wildly, I leaned in and gently opened Bella's robe with my head, brushing my lips to her stomach.

"Haven't you heard?" I repeated in a reverent murmur. "I'm going to be a daddy."

Bella choked back a sob, but it was a sob of scarcely conceivable joy based on words neither one of us ever completely allowed ourselves to consider.

"And I'm going to be a mommy."

For a long while, we remained that way, with me brushing my lips back and forth over the spot where my daughter or soon would grow and flourish, and with Bella raking my hair softly, back and forth.

"We've come a long way," I breathed.

"We have."

I swallowed thickly, the pain in my throat barely noticeable now. "Thank you, for giving me a second chance, and for making dreams I never even knew I had come true."

Bella leaned forward and brushed her lips to my bare chest. "Likewise, my love. Now, do like that ink there says, and get strong and healthy again – for the three of us."

"For the _three_ of us," I echoed shakily.

OOOOO

**Four Months Later:**

"Yes, Edward. Yes. Yesss..."

Bella ground over me one last time and threw her head back, releasing those beautiful, guttural sounds into our dark bedroom that marked the end of her orgasm. And with a handful of my own quick thrusts, I eagerly joined her. Bright stars danced before my eyes, exploding like bright supernovas and sending their massive heat all throughout my system.

"Oh...Bella...God, baby..."

For a few, wonderful moments, I was so fucking gone I couldn't distinguish the supernovas in my brain from the city lights beyond the large windows. And for a fraction of a second, it reminded me of all those months earlier, when I'd been sick and delusional.

But that was months ago. Since then, I'd more than regained my health. Bella made sure I slept better, ate healthier than ever, exercised as much as I wanted...and learned when to step back from all those Life's issues which sometimes had no solution.

Life wasn't always fair, but neither was it unfair.

As a matter of fact, whenever Bella thought I was taking on too much, she was quick to point at her ever-growing midsection and shoot me an impish grin.

_"You'd better slow your roll, mister, because you're not leaving me for a moment to take care of this by myself. No way. If one of your strong-ass swimmers decided to fight its way into one of my hard-headed eggs, you need to be around to take care of the sweet little thing we created."_

_"Yes, ma'am," I'd say, saluting her before wrapping her up in my arms - which was getting harder and harder to do. "Strong-ass swimmers," I'd frequently chuckle. "God, I love Doctor Gerandy."_

_"Ass," she'd chuckle._

Afterward, we laid on our sides, my still-heaving chest cradling Bella's damp spine and our hands threaded together and splayed eagerly across her protruding midsection.

"Ready?" The excitement dancing in Bella's tone mirrored my own. "He moves the most right after we make love. It's like he can feel it."

"Not a pleasant image to conjure at all, but yeah, I'm ready."

"Ass. You know what I mean." She bumped me with her bare behind and made me chuckle.

"Okay, stay still, stay still," she commanded in a whisper. For a few moments, neither of us moved a muscle.

"There he is! Do you feel him, Edward? Do you?"

My hands remained frozen over Bella's stomach, smooth and warm and rounding, with my fingers extended in anticipation, but...I felt nothing.

Sometimes, only Bella felt him move, no matter how still my hands remained over her stomach. Our son was growing inside her, and she was attuned to his every movement. It made sense, but it didn't mean I wasn't slightly disappointed.

But then...my hands flickered upward, jumped, and were kicked forcefully by a tiny foot, or by a tightly-fisted minuscule hand.

"Yes! There he is! Daddy's little man!"

Bella chuckled. "You felt him."

"Yeah. Hey, Masen. What's going on in there, buddy? What are you doing to keep busy for the next four months or so?" While our son made his presence known, I gently stroked him over Bella's stomach. "Don't mind Mommy's screams from a short while ago. I promise you, she was thoroughly enjoying herself."

"Now who's conjuring up the most unpleasant images? He doesn't need to know that, Edward!"

I chuckled heartily. "All right, all right. How 'bout I tell him this? Mommy's first book, a heart-pounding page-turner, by the way, hit number one on the New York Times Best Seller List today."

Bella laughed. "You're biased."

I kissed her neck. "Even if that were the case, which it's not, I don't run the New York Times Bestseller list. My girlfriend, who refuses to marry me, is a literary genius."

"I don't _refuse_ to marry you; don't put it that way," she growled, "especially while you're stroking our son. I'm just...over-the-moon happy with the life we lead now, and I want to take it one day at a time."

The entire time we spoke, our hands stroked our son.

"Fair enough," I conceded. "Your book is a hit, you're working on having another one published, writing yet another one, and Volterra Publishing called you last week to discuss movie rights for the first."

Bella took me in over her shoulder. The city lights streaming in through the windows illuminated the scowl she shot me before she twisted back around.

"Edward, why do you always laud my successes and not your own?"

I chuckled.

"Just a couple of months ago, you and Emmett and the rest of your team were hailed as freaking heroes at the World Health Organization Conference in Switzerland, accolades which you, Mister Jack Ryan slash James Bond of the CDC World, fully earned and deserved."

"It was no big deal."

Again, she took me in over her shoulder, her expression angrier this time, nostrils flaring.

"It was no big deal? No big deal? Edward, after seeing what that virus did to you, and knowing it could've done much worse..." When she shuddered in my arms, I held her tighter.

"Shh. I'm fine."

"I never told you how terrified I was that night."

"I knew."

"Thank God that little boy you caught it from, Tommy, recovered as well."

"Yeah."

We stroked her stomach more insistently, and I knew we were both thinking similar thoughts, picturing our son in Tommy's place.

Bella sighed. "Anyway, then you were promoted to one of the deputy directors, and while I know you're going to miss traveling as much as you used to-"

"Bella, I'm not going to miss traveling half as much as you think I will; not now. Not with all I have here."

But Bella continued. "-it's still an amazing position, and one from which you'll have the authority to not only carry out the decisions of others, but you'll be helping to mold those decisions and the ways in which infectious diseases are handled in this country. And-"

"There's more?"

When she turned over in my arms and gazed up at me, her dark eyes sparkled in the room's dim lighting.

"There's plenty more. And despite how pissed off LeeAnn was at you a few months ago when you got sick because you weren't inoculated with the vaccine you helped develop, everything worked out. The next batch came out quickly and with enough of a supply to keep H5N2 from ever threatening to become a pandemic. You, Edward Cullen, are the golden child of the CDC. I heard what little JJ said to you on the phone the other day. "Uncle Edwahd," she mimicked my nephew's young voice, "you saved Tommy! You a hero!"

While she smiled up at me, I searched her eyes, looking for any signs of distress at her apparently easy mention of JJ, but there were none. As she'd once promised, though Bella had never actually met or interacted with my nephew, she never tried to interfere in my close relationship with him. The necessary separation between them, because if Bella wasn't ready, I'd never risk hurting either one by forcing the issue, was perhaps the only regret in my life as of late. Yeah, Alice was still difficult. Jasper was still a bastard. They still teeter-tottered on a fucked-up relationship no matter which side it landed on. And my parents' issues would always be the formative background to certain parts of my character.

But all of it was nothing in comparison to what Bella and I had going on in our lives at the present.

"Hero," I smirked. "I don't know where JJ got that from."

"From Esme, of course, who got it from Tommy's mom, what was her name? Lauren. I told you she came to see you during those few days you were in the hospital. Right?"

"Yes, Bella," I grinned. "You've told me - more than once."

"She stayed for a while in the waiting area, waiting to see what would be a good time to say hi to you. She said her ex-husband was up in Pediatrics with their son. It was a shame you were sleeping that day."

"I was sleeping the _whole_ day, huh? Other than for that first day, I don't recall sleeping an _entire_ day."

"Anyway, we're both finally home from our respective obligations abroad. Emmett's going to help you pick up the rest of my stuff from Mack's place tomorrow so I can finally be completely moved in, and..."

"And?" I prompted after a few moments.

She reached up and slid her arms around my neck, her dark eyes glassy...and her lips turned upward in a peaceful yet overjoyed smile.

"And I love you so much, Edward."

Brushing my lips to hers, I replied against her lips.

"I love you too, Bella. And hey, you want to know what I'm most eager for?"

"What?" she breathed softly against my mouth.

"I'm eager to get to those successes, to those projects we've started together. I'm eager for the next chapter in our mutual lives.

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Almost done. (We'll see what that means for me, lol) ;)**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you soon. :)**


	38. Chapter 37

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**I've been claiming we're almost done for a while...but I think we truly are almost done now. 2 - 3 chapters, I'd say, to wrap it up nicely just in time for Christmas. (I hope) :)**

* * *

**Broken - Chapter 37**

By June of the following year, the dangers of the H5N2 Influenza strain were a distant enough memory for most of the population to put it from their minds, thanks in part to an effective vaccine which eradicated its potential as a worldwide pandemic, and thanks to a population with a relatively short memory span.

Therefore, that early summer in New York made up for the temporary dearth in the emergence of new and potentially deadly viruses by ushering in record-breaking temperatures that swelled way past tepid and spilled into downright stifling. People protested in the streets by shedding as many layers as possible - which only served to expose their skin all the more to the sun's harmful rays. They carried water bottles shimmering with condensation then laid those bottles over their foreheads, necks, arms, and spilled them over their heads - when not only should they have been drinking that water instead, but using it to drench their unprotected skin while not wearing an SPF 30 or higher was like begging the sun to toast them.

I eyed the _piragua_ vendor as he shaved a huge block of ice with a sharp, steel implement and pounded the ice shavings into cone-shaped holders. The older gentleman had become pretty familiar to me this spring and summer. And one morning, a couple of summers earlier, along with _piraguas_, he'd dispensed a piece of advice that had stuck with me through some pretty...cold days:

_'Summer disappears, and the cold days arrive, but with a little luck and patience, the good days return.'_

Or something along those lines.

"Buddy, you haven't been out here all day, have you?"

He laughed as he handed me the piraguas.

"All day, chico," he confirmed breezily.

I sighed. The man had to be at least seventy, and therefore definitely fell into one of the age groups which were considered at high-risk during heatwaves: the young and the old. To that effect, I'd spoken with my parents and reminded them to stay indoors as much as possible; I'd also asked them to tell Alice to make sure she kept JJ out of the heat as much as possible as well. Thankfully, my parents had lives and careers that easily kept them indoors and in air-conditioning. JJ had a trust-fund mother and wealthy grandparents who could easily afford to keep him entertained indoors. I was well aware that not everyone was that fortunate.

"Buddy, tomorrow, please try to remain indoors, at least until sundown."

He chuckled. "Chico, no te preocupes por mi. Eso no es na.' Don't worry 'bout me; that's nothing," he translated in his thickly-accented English, waving a dismissive hand my way.

I offered him a faint smile. "Worrying about people's health is sort of my job."

"On my island, we do this all the time," - turning his face up to the sun, he held out his arms in worship for a couple of seconds before dropping them and grinning back at me - "and we live long lives. _Mas importante, como anda esa linda novia tuya con la pipa? _Your pretty girl, how is she with the biiig...?" When he gestured a round, half-circle protruding from his midsection, I chuckled.

"She's good. Really good. A bit upset at the moment at being limited by this heat, but not much we can do about that."

He quirked a bushy, graying brow. "You sure only the heat limits her?"

"Now you sound like my friend, Emmett," I smirked.

"I say enjoy the heat; enjoy the good days because always, the cold is around the corner. But with luck and patience-"

"With luck and patience, the good days return and outnumber the bad. Yeah, I recall a similar conversation with you a couple of summers ago."

"Oh yeah?" He grinned. "I'm a smart man."

"Yeah. And you were right. It took a while for my summers to return, but when they did...well, now they trump every winter day I ever had."

The vendor placed both his hands on my shoulders. "Then go home, _chico,_ and enjoy your summer _piraguas. _Because they're melting. And if your girl is anything like mine was when she was _preña'_, she'll kill you if you get home with melted _piraguas_."

I barked a laugh. "You give good advice, buddy. Now, I'll listen to your advice if you listen to mine." I handed him a couple of bills that made his eyes grow large before he began to complain.

"No, _chico_, no."

"Take it. And please, tomorrow, stay indoors until at least late afternoon. Okay?"

He grinned a semi-toothless grin. "Okay. Gracias."

OOOOO

The sweltering heat rose off the asphalt and melted the tar on the sidewalks, creating an inky substance that stuck to my shoes.

"Damn heat."

It wasn't just the discomfort and inconveniences of the brutal heat. Heatwaves were another event that tended to keep us busy at the CDC, with indexes to track, restrictions and alerts to issue, and with heat-born illnesses to contend with. Unfortunately, there were people who thought they knew better than our experts at the CDC, and who either refused to listen to our advisories aimed at certain groups - such as the very young, the very old, the very sick, and the very pregnant - or who heeded the warnings, but with such indignant fury as rendered them capable of flinging pillows early in the morning at their boyfriends, merely because their boyfriends unwillingly left them to go to the office, while they were forced to remain indoors, yet again.

Leaving my tar-stained shoes outside our loft door - I was in enough trouble without dragging sticky shit into the apartment - I cautiously eased the door open and peeked my head in, ensuring there were no more pillows acting as projectile missiles before I walked in.

The apartment was relatively quiet, other than for Bella's fingers moving like galloping horses across her laptop's keyboard. I smiled to myself as I recalled the first time I heard those fingers move like stallions. Those early days between Bella and me at the coffee shop felt like so long-ago now. So much had happened between us since.

Bella sat at my desk with her back to me. Actually, it was Bella's desk now. Shortly after she moved in, she'd sat at my workspace and decided it was a great spot to write; there was something about it she loved; something that kept the words flowing, her muse alive, and inspiration building at the tips of her raw fingernail beds.

Who was I to limit any of that?

Even if the desk had been with me since college. Buying a new desk and organizing a new workspace, which we set up opposite her workspace, was a small price to pay in comparison to everything I now had - not to mention what Bella and I would soon have together.

Watching her now, when Bella's fingers suddenly stopped flying over the keyboard, I paused in my silent approach to wonder what went through her mind at that moment, especially when she looked up and in the direction of the large, industrial windows - another feature in the loft that tended to feed her inspiration. No longer was the view from the windows overshadowed by a man who didn't appreciate her, or by a life she thought she'd never have.

Like the vendor said, Bella and I were in the midst of good days, indeed.

Bella brought her hand up to her mouth and began murmuring to herself, and strangely enough, I felt my own inspiration building, an inspiration for a life I'd never even known I wanted...until I met her.

"Pig-headed. What's another word for Pig-headed?"

I'd bet my life I knew what I'd find if she were facing me: Bella's dark eyes glazed over, her right hand absently stroking her stomach, and the skin of the thumbnail bed on her left hand red and raw. They were always that way when she was in the best of her days.

Balancing the _piraguas_ carefully, I resumed my stealthy approach. When I stood behind her, I leaned in and brushed my lips against her nape before helpfully murmuring in her ear.

"Obstinate is another word for Pig-headed."

Bella sighed.

I placed a firm kiss against the spot just below her ear. "Or Headstrong..." - I kissed her neck - "or Willful..." - When I kissed her bare shoulder, Bella turned her head sideways and met my eyes. And just as they always would, the dark sparkle in her eyes struck me with their depth.

"Or Edward."

"Nice." My ensuing smirk made her chuckle, and when she thrust her arms around my shoulders, I had to pull back and hastily lift my hands up and outward to avoid a _piragua_ disaster.

"Careful, love! Careful."

"You think you're so stealthy, Mister James Bond slash Jack Ryan of the CDC World. I heard you come in."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I bet you didn't see the peace offering I brought you."

When she pulled away enough to note the items in my hands, I grinned smugly.

"Who's not so stealthy now?"

A small line appeared between Bella's brows. "What are those misshapen mounds?"

"They're piraguas." My tone implied the obviousness of it.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"But..." - she leaned in closer - "those are just discombobulated paper cones half full of red and yellow water, respectively."

"Oh. Well, I...I guess they sort of melted. Hm." I frowned.

Bella studied the melted icies, then brought her eyes back to me before dropping them back to the piraguas. After a couple of rounds of this, she met my eyes once more.

"Most partners would've gone with flowers."

"Flowers would've wilted in this heat."

"So you went with melted _piraguas_ instead. I totally see the superior thinking in that choice." She held my gaze..and burst into laughter.

I snorted. "You're a pain in my ass sometimes."

This time, when Bella slid her arms around my neck and pulled me back in, she met no resistance. As a result, the piraguas were crushed between us, drenching us both in watery, cherry and pineapple flavored syrup.

We both yelped at the sticky contact - and then laughed hard.

OOOOO

An hour later, I had Bella propped up with pillows on our bed, and with the A/C on full blast to keep her comfortable even if my balls were freezing.

After the unsuccessful _piraguas_ peace offering a short while earlier, we'd showered together to rid ourselves of the tenaciously sugary scent clinging to us. Though the conciliatory _piraguas_ turned out to be a fail, we'd made up for our morning argument in another, just as effective way. I'd held her carefully, making sure her palms were flat on the shower tiles, her feet spread apart sufficiently so that she didn't slip, and I'd wrapped one arm under her stomach, supporting its weight and balancing us both with my free hand flat and firm on the tiles above us. Then, I'd taken her from behind, with slow and rhythmic strokes not meant to unbalance her but to soothe and pleasure her as I whispered stuttered apologies for the melted _piraguas_...and for more.

"Sorry...so overprotective...but...love you and our baby so damn much...so damn much..."

"I know...I understand...ohhh...I know..."

Now, I sat on the bed beside Bella, helping her dry her hair. She was still chuckling over the _piragua_ incident, and the picture she made, with a tank-top riding over her rounded stomach, a pair of shorts that fit her shorter with each passing day, and her smooth skin flushed from our shower, caused a cacophony of emotions to surge through me, ranging from love to awe to fear to protectiveness, and yeah, to lust.

"I'll try to run quicker with the _piraguas_ tomorrow afternoon," I promised.

"Oh. So my imprisonment will continue for at least another day?"

I exhaled heavily.

"Edward, your hands are practically vibrating with the effort you're expending in not using that towel to choke me."

"You're not far off the mark."

When she tried to turn around and snatch the towel from me, I chuckled and held her in place. "Sorry, sorry. Stay still, love, before you hurt yourself."

She glared at me before facing forward once more and sighing. "Had I been able to speak in the shower, I would've said you're forgiven. I suppose it has been pretty hot out, as evidenced by the _piraguas _which didn't even make it down two blocks."

"Does that mean you no longer think I'm a masochistic, misogynistic, overbearing jailer who would've been in his element guarding a medieval dungeon?"

She choked on a laugh. "I never said that."

"Oh, but you did. You said the past five months of my oppressive overprotectiveness has been nothing to the past couple of days of my autocratic rule." I grinned. "It was quite an impressive speech. So why the change of heart?"

She shrugged. "Well, for one, my muse was singing today."

I smiled. "So I noticed when I got home. You were biting your nailbeds - make sure you keep those off of dirty surfaces, by the way - and you were debating words and synonyms...it was a beautiful sight."

Bella chuckled. "And like I said, I guess it has been pretty hot out."

"But you knew that already."

Her long, silky hair was dry enough now so that water droplets didn't fall on her back, something she said she'd always hated, but now that she was eight months pregnant, she had difficulty drying her own hair enough to avoid it. Setting down the towel, I knelt on the floor and waited for her to meet my eyes. When she did, she offered me a rueful smile.

I quirked a brow. "You got a second opinion, didn't you?"

"From the obstetrician."

"And who else?"

Bella laid her palms flat on the mattress and leaned back. "No one else."

"Who else?"

"Vera."

I nodded slowly. "Rosalie's pediatrician wife. Go ahead. Who else?"

"And Doctor Gerandy in Miami, the doctor who confirmed my pregnancy a few months back. She says hi, by the way, and she says to thank you for sending her that crate of signed copies of _Gemma_."

"So you got _three_, second opinions."

"Did I mention that Doctor Gerandy said you have some strong-fucking swimmers?"

"No," I grinned, "don't try to butter me up now. You went and got _three_, second opinions on my expert recommendation that an almost eight-month pregnant woman should stay home during this heatwave."

"Edward, you know I love you with all my heart and soul, and you know I'm massively proud and amazed by your vast amount of knowledge in the area of the spread of diseases, but right now, in my condition, a CDC expert isn't exactly the easiest person to live with. I think I've left this house twice since this heatwave started, and each time I do, it's like prepping for battle. All right, Swan!," she growled like a drill sergeant, "first, you're not to step foot out of this loft between the hours of ten hundred and fourteen hundred! Second, if you do step foot out of this loft, make sure you wear a wide-brimmed sunhat and wear moisture-wicking, long-sleeved, and long-legged clothing if you can bear it, or if you're too chicken-shit to bear it, apply SPF 5000 to every inch of your skin at least fifteen minutes before you step one foot out of that door! Next, carry at least sixteen ounces of an electrolyte drink with you, or if the little monster in your belly protests and makes you nauseous, carry plain old water, and drink at least one ounce per three-minute intervals. And finally, you lily-livered-"

She shrieked when I pushed off my knees and picked her up in the air.

"Stop! I'm too heavy!"

"You're not, even though you're full of it." Depositing her carefully on the bed, I readjusted her pillows now so that they supported her stomach, and I lay down beside her so that my chest supported her spine and my hands cradled her protruding midsection - as well as the 'little monster' within. "First of all, I've never called you chicken-shit or lily-livered - never even thought you were anything close to either. You're the bravest damn woman I know."

"Emphasis on the _damn?_"

"And while I'll admit I've called our unborn son a 'little monster' it's only when he kicks you and keeps you up at night, and thereby you kick me and keep me up at night. I'm sure he knows it's a term of endearment."

Bella snickered. "I'm sure he does. But everything else I said is accurate."

"There's no such thing as SPF 5000."

"If there was, you'd have me wearing it."

"Bella, I know I've been a bit overbearing these past few months-"

"Who, you? Never. Ouch! You bit my shoulder!"

"A heatwave is nothing to scoff at, my love, especially in your-"

"-in my condition. Ouch! Damn it, that one hurt!"

"I'll stop biting you when you start taking the dangers of this heatwave to your and our unborn son's health seriously."

"I do take the heatwave seriously, Edward. After everything I've been through to get here...everything we've been through, I would never, ever endanger our child. Which is why..." when she turned her head sideways, I lifted myself up on an elbow to make it easier for our eyes to meet, "you're right."

"Not because three other people corroborated me?"

"No. Not really," she smiled.

Chuckling, I kissed her forehead and lay back down.

"Edward...there's not much more I can ask for from life."

I spoke softly. "Now that's something we can completely agree on."

OOOOO

We had friends over the following evening.

Rosalie, her wife, Vera, and their infant daughter Beck brought a few bottles of sparkling grape juice, Bella and I provided dessert pastries from the corner shop, and Emmett and Mack brought dinner.

Bella and I had watched Em and Mack cook dinner together once in the apartment they began sharing after Bella moved out. The pair moved in sync around the kitchen, one peeling while the other chopped, one sauteeing while the other measured, one washing utensils while the other loaded the dishwasher. What resulted was a delicious dinner, and the clean-up performed almost simultaneously because they both abhorred a messy space work space, something I knew about Emmett from both sharing a college dorm with him and working with him. Interestingly enough, Bella told me Mack had been the same way since she'd known her. We tended to tease them that no two OCD people ever belonged together more. Emmett, at least, deserved the ribbing after all the taunting of me he'd done over the past couple of years.

Unfazed, Emmett had a habit of joking that my catching the H5N2 strain was the best thing that could've ever happened. Whenever he said it, Bella would scowl at him. But then he'd lay out the facts as only Emmett McCarty, microbiologist and armchair psychologist, could ever see them:

_"Panita, you should've seen it. My girl Bella's hand practically ricocheted off that cheek. Well, she only got the one smack in, but it was some kind of smack!"_

_Emmett had first relayed this to me on my second night at the hospital, a few months earlier, when I was recovering from the H5N2 strain._

_I'd swallowed hard. "It's my fault she was forced into that situation."_

_For a few moments, Emmett held my gaze steadily. Then, he broke out into hearty chuckles. "Ed, let me lay something out there for you because your brain still appears to be a bit too fried to get it. So, by being forced to confront your crazy-ass sister as well as your parents in a situation where she didn't have the time or the patience for any of their bullshit, Bella has completely eradicated any sense of intimidation she may have once felt in relation to any of them."_

_"You think so?"_

_"Pfft," he'd snorted, "you were too feverish to notice any of it, but by the end of the night, little Alice was the one scurrying out of Bella's way. And your parents, __**perdoname**__ and I'm sorry," he said, laying a hand on his heart, "are now both in some serious awe bordering on their own intimidation at the balls on your woman. They do everything they can to keep themselves in check around her. Scared they'll get a taste of that backhand," he stage-whispered. "Whack!"_

_When he motioned an airy backhand, I'd given in to a wave of chuckles, even if they left me wheezing._

_"So, you see," Emmett said, expounding on his somewhat morbid though strangely accurate reasoning, "good thing you caught that virus. It forced Bella to announce her pregnancy while you were already mostly unconscious, so we didn't have to worry about you fainting dead away. What's more, when LeeAnn and Emily visited the hospital earlier, they were so relieved you weren't dead, and that no one was the wiser about the fact that their lead in the H5N2 anti-viral development hadn't been immunized himself, that they totally forgave both our asses for not following vaccination protocol. And finally..."_

_"Finally?" I prompted when Emmett stopped._

_"Finally..." Em's eyes scanned the hospital room as though he were measuring our level of privacy; though we were, at the moment, the only two in the room. He scraped his chair closer to my hospital bed._

_"Hey, Ed," - his voice was unfamiliarly low and shaky - "what uh...what do you know about Bella's roomy?"_

_"Bella's roomy?" I echoed, a bit thrown by the question._

_"Yeah. Yeah, you know, the roomy you once thought was Bella's live-in lover cuz you were too chicken shit to ask her straight out whether she lived with her man?"_

_"Thanks for the reminder," I smirked sardonically. "What __**about**__ Mack?"_

_"Well, this morning when I got here, I find this striking person in the waiting room - almost as tall as me, which is fucking tall. She's got the smoothest jet-black skin, and a head of silky black curls like you wouldn't believe, Ed. I mean, they're..." He bounced his hands around his head to illustrate the head of curls. "Then, when she looked at me, I swear, she's got the darkest eyes, and the reddest lips, and...and she was on her phone, and I didn't mean to listen in on her convo, I swear I didn't," - he laid his palm against his heart again, but in such an uncharacteristically solemn manner that it was all I could do not to laugh - "but she's got this voice you just can't help listening to. Know what I mean?"_

_"Yeah. I can relate."_

_"I mean, I had no choice."_

_"Again, I get it. So, what was she saying?"_

_"She was talking to someone about a piece of art she's curating from a small museum in Kenya because the artist's work has been banned and the painting will be destroyed otherwise. The painting apparently makes a socio-political statement about the ongoing struggles in that part of the world, struggles which artists fight every day to convey so that the rest of the world will see...and hear about more than just what happens on this hemisphere."_

_"Wow." I whistled through my teeth and ended up coughing. "You got that all from listening in on a phone conversation?"_

_"No. She told me to fuck off and mind my goddamn business for that. But when I sincerely apologized and told her I couldn't help it...and that I'd genuinely like to hear more about the artwork she curates because it sounded amazing, she agreed to have coffee with me in the hospital's cafeteria."_

_He was quiet...and shockingly pensive for half a minute. "So, Panita, have you met Mack?"_

_Trying my damnedest not to mock what I saw in his face and heard in his voice - because Em had never mocked me when it counted - I offered him a nod and what I hoped was a benign grin._

_"Yeah. Yeah, I've met Mack. She's pretty...and single."_

_Emmett's head jerked back as if I'd punched him. "Dude, would you ever describe Bella that way?"_

_"I'm sorry, what?"_

_He quirked an incensed brow. "Is that how you'd like to hear someone else describe her? What with all her talent and strength, you'd want someone to say, "Oh, Bella? Yeah, yeah, I've met her. She's...__**pretty**__."_

_He spat the word like a curse, and yeah, by then I'd pretty much given up on forced composure and was simultaneously laughing and coughing my ass off._

_Emmett glowered darkly. "Good for you. I hope you choke on your own phlegm."_

_"Sorry, sorry. And you're absolutely right." Clearing the phlegm from my throat, I sat up straight and managed a semi-serious expression. "Those creative types, they tend to stick together. That's why Mack and Bella are such good friends. They're both hugely talented in their respective fields. And __**that's**__ what matters."_

_"Yeah. Not the fact that they're both...gorgeous." This time, when he sighed lovelorn teenager, I made sure to keep my features impassive. "So, Ed, you think you can tell Bella to put in a good word for me with the future mother of my kids?"_

_"Shit," I snorted. "And I was accused of skipping a few steps once. You know what, Em? It sounds like you're doing a great job of putting in a good word for yourself - and it seems like you're already way ahead of where I was the first time I met Bella, and look how we turned out? Why don't you just see how things play out, and if you screw it up somehow-"_

_"The way you almost did with Bella?"_

_"Yep. Just like that. If you screw it up, we'll figure it out, buddy."_

_"Yeah." A slow grin spread across his face. "Yeah. Sounds like a plan. Oh, and guess what? She likes my bun."_

Once dinner was done, Emmett and I cleaned up and left the women to relax. When we were done and made our way to the living room, Emmett wasted no time in situating Mack on his lap, and I set Bella and baby Beck, whom Bella was holding, on my lap. I smiled inwardly as I looked around at the friendships we'd built over the past couple of years, at the close-knit group we'd become. All our phones were set face-down on the coffee table. We led busy lives, all held doctorate degrees in one form or another, and all had careers that didn't always allow us to unplug, but for as long as we could, we'd enjoy good conversation and good laughter.

When Beck fell asleep in Bella's arms, Bella cooed softly at her goddaughter.

"Isn't she adorable, Edward?"

I stroked Beck's minuscule hand. "She is."

"I still can't believe you two are going to have one of these," Vera said. "In purely non-medical terms, Bella, that right there _was_ a million-dollar shot into your bucket. Strong-ass swimmers, indeed. Good job, Ed."

I chuckled heartily. "Thanks, Vera."

"Vera, please, don't remind Edward about his strong-ass swimmers."

"Why not? You reminded me last night." I whispered it in Bella's ear before kissing her cheek, but I was admittedly none too quiet about it, and everyone shared a laugh. "She was just trying to make up for the fact that she got not one, not two, but three, second opinions on _my_ opinion that she should remain indoors throughout this heatwave."

"Wait. Bella, you asked someone else other than Edward and me? That's it. You're ungodmothered. Give me back my baby," Vera demanded, feigning indignation.

"Thanks a lot, Edward," Bella muttered, handing Beck back over to her moms.

"My godchild was created by strong-ass swimmers," Rose chuckled.

"He's my godchild too, Rosie," Emmett said. "Hey, did I ever tell you all the story of how Bella announced to Edward that she was pregnant?"

"Yes!" Everyone groaned loudly in semi-unison.

"How about the story where they pleaded with Rosie and me to be the baby's godparents?"

It was while Emmett went through his roster of stories that my cell phone vibrated over the coffee table.

"Emmett, the way I remember it, they asked nicely, and you broke down in tears," Rose said.

Everyone roared, but the damn phone kept vibrating.

"Fine, fine. How 'bout the story of how Mack convinced me to shack up with her after Bella moved out?"

While Mack cursed out Emmett, I met Bella's eyes. When she offered me a soft smile and jerked her chin toward my phone, I sighed and begrudgingly reached for it, turning it over. The name which appeared on the screen simultaneously startled me and stiffened my shoulders. My eyes flashed back to Bella, whose gaze was on my phone screen.

"Emmett, I get the feeling you tend to embellish stories," someone said.

"Answer it," Bella murmured. "It might be about...your nephew."

"You're right." Gently easing Bella off my lap, I set her on the couch and stood. "Excuse me," I said to the room at large before kissing Bella's cheek and murmuring, "I'll be right back."

Once in the kitchen and far away enough to hold a private conversation, I drew in a deep breath, exhaled it through my nostrils, and hit the green button.

"Yeah?"

"I need a favor."

The words were spat with an emphasis on the word _favor_ that not only negated the usually courteous plea for assistance which tended to accompany the word, but that made the entire sentence sound more like a furious string of expletives. Though it shouldn't have, the oxymoron of a request as well as the perpetually shameless gall of the requester, took me by momentary surprise.

"Did you hear me?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I hung my head and shook it from side to side. Despite her obvious impatience, I had no plan to reply until I was sure I could remain relatively calm, at least appearance-wise. Even now, though I could hear Bella a few feet away, holding a conversation with Mack and the rest, I knew she worried. When I looked up and found her laughing at something, her eyes were fixed on me. The small, parallel lines between her brows, always an indicator of her unease, were visible from here. And all the while, she stroked her stomach.

"I said, did you hear me?"

Unlike the first sentence, these words were accompanied by a strangled noise that approximated a choked-back sob. With my internal fury growing, I offered Bella a hasty wink and a smile, turned my back, and dove into it with my sister.

"I heard you, Alice. What's this about? Is JJ okay?"

"JJ is fine," she spat once more. "I mean, no, he's not."

As soon as she finished speaking, I heard JJ crying in the background, and my blood ran cold.

"Alice, what the fuck happened? Where's JJ?" I hissed urgently now.

"He's not hurt or anything!" Alice snapped. "He's just crying and upset because fucking Jasper was supposed to..." Alice broke down into heavy sobs.

"Jesus," I exhaled, gripping my hair. "What the hell did that bastard do now?"

"He was only supposed to take him to the park for a few minutes, but they returned two goddamn hours later. When they did, Jasper left, and JJ was irritable, and his lips were cracked, and-"

"Did you take him to the hospital and have him checked for dehydration?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course, I did! That's what I was about to say! They said he was fine, but they put him on an IV for an hour just in case, and they sent us home with an electrolyte solution. But he's still crying, and he refuses..." she sobbed uncontrollably, "and Jasper's not here, and I don't want to tell Dad, and-"

"Put JJ on."

"Okay." She drew in a series of successive breaths to calm herself before she spoke again. "Okay. JJ, hon! It's Uncle Edward! He wants to talk to you."

Little feet could be heard scurrying, and a handful of seconds later, JJ came on the phone.

"Uncle Edwahd?" A long string of broken sighs followed his greeting, and my heart clenched painfully.

"Hey, buddy. What's going on? I hear you had a little scare at the hospital."

He started crying. "Doctuh put a needle in my ahm. It hut."

I swallowed through a constricted throat. "Aw, buddy. Mommy says you needed some liquids, that's all."

"Like when you was in the hospital?"

"Yeah, something like that. You need to drink that drink they sent you, okay?"

"Tastes icky."

"I know it tastes bad, but it's important that you drink it, okay?"

Again, he cried. "Uncle Edwahd, can you come heh-oop me dwink it?"

"I'll be right there, buddy."

As soon as I ended the call, Bella's warm hand stroked my back. She walked around and looked up at me.

"Bella, baby, I've got to-"

"I heard," she nodded. "Go."

"I'm so sorry to leave in the middle of...you were having such a good-"

"Shh." Cradling my face, she pulled me down and brushed her lips against mine. "You have nothing to apologize for. You were right about this heat. Go. I'll be fine, I'll be safe, and I'll be nice and cool and entertained here with our friends. Don't worry about me, and go take care of...your nephew."

OOOOO

Three hours later, I sat across from Alice, with my forearms resting on my thighs, and my hands knit together in the space between them. As furious as my little sister had gotten me on various occasions throughout the years, with some instances obviously standing out more than others, at that moment, I had no words for the frustration I felt with her.

"So, where's his father?"

For all the crying she'd done over the phone, since my arrival, she hadn't met my eyes once. Her gaze, hard and stoic, remained trained on a spot just beyond me, her jaw squared tightly.

"Alice, you realize it should've been him in there with JJ, right?" I pointed toward JJ's bedroom.

He was asleep. I'd played games with him, read to him, and all throughout coaxed him into drinking a few sips here and there of the pediatric solution they'd sent him home with, until the entire solution was finished. Then, I'd made sure he urinated before bed, so I could check its color, and I'd breathed a long sigh of relief when it was normal. His lips were moist. He'd been playful, energetic, and even laughing again before I finally got him down.

"Alice, look at me. I'm not letting you ignore me and brush off this clusterfuck now that JJ's well and asleep. Look at me, and tell me where the hell JJ's father was throughout all this?"

Alice's eyes flashed to me, full of defiance as she offered me a caustic grin. "Why? I thought _you_ loved JJ."

"Don't fucking give me that," I spat through gritted teeth. "You know I love him, but that bastard is his _father, _and he's got responsibilities he's completely ignoring!" I hissed. "What the fuck happened today?"

"He came home, uncharacteristically eager to take his son to the park. So," she shrugged, "I let him."

"We're in a heatwave," I pointed out impatiently.

"I know that! Esme and Dad told me you said to keep JJ indoors as much as possible. I told Jasper to have JJ back in a half-hour, max. Give me some fucking credit, Edward, but Jasper wanted to take his son out." Her tone implied I should've been impressed. "Then, when a couple of hours passed, and they hadn't returned, I thought maybe he'd taken JJ for ice-cream or something. Turned a whole new leaf - with his son, at least." She snorted.

"So he kept JJ out in the park for two hours because..." I lifted my hands in a gesture of confusion.

"All I got from JJ was...that there was a woman at the park with them." Her eyes flashed away from me again, and then she dropped them to her white carpets, nostrils flaring.

Meanwhile, I chuckled mirthlessly and shook my head slowly from side to side. "Un-fucking-believable."

Her eyes returned to me, a sneer curving around her mouth. "What was it that you once told me? That he'd do it to me too?"

"That's the least of my fucking concerns right now. Now, we're talking about your son's health. You realize that, right?"

"Of course I do!" she snapped.

"Then kick that rat bastard to the curb once and for all, and get yourself together for your son's sake. Jesus, Alice, after this shit-"

"He wasn't even dehydrated. The doctor said JJ wasn't dehydrated." She shook her head vehemently. "I've got the discharge papers if you want to see them. It was all just precautionary, the IV and the electrolytes. And he was crying because he was scared."

I fisted my hair tightly, trying to rein myself in long enough to make her understand.

"I'm a good mother, Edward! I keep my son healthy!"

"Alice, there's physical health, and there's mental health, and they're both equally important _and_ interrelated. Do you know _why_ JJ was scared, Alice? Because he's two, and though he can't completely understand or verbalize in full sentences, he's smart enough to sense that something is massively wrong. He senses his mother's misery and his father's neglect."

"Whatever, Edward. Don't project your childhood onto him. He had a frightening afternoon, and that's all it was." Alice stood. "Now, I'm sure your little girlfriend is gonna give you hell for leaving her in her delicate condition to come here to help _me_ and your _nephew_."

Getting to my feet, I glared at her in disgust.

"Who's projecting now, Alice? Despite the fact that you and his father were once responsible for causing Bella a shitload of pain, and she'd have a right to be bitter toward _anything_ that resulted from that entire experience, bitterness isn't in Bella. Not at all." I made my way to the door but then quickly backtracked. "On the other hand, while I'll always, _always_ be here for JJ, I _am_ keeping score of all the shit that motherfucker pulls, and one of these days..."

And with that hanging in the air between us, I let myself out.

OOOOO

When I arrived home, everyone had left, and Bella was already in bed.

Shedding my clothes, I slipped in beside her as quietly as possible, trying my best not to jostle the mattress too much. Bella had a hard time getting comfortable enough to rest well these days, and if she'd finally fallen asleep, as much as I ached for her eyes to be the last ones I saw before I fell asleep, the last thing I wanted was to disturb-

When she attempted to turn, proving that I'd woken her, I sighed remorsefully and helped her readjust the pillows around her so she could face me. The lights streaming from outside illuminated her beautiful face.

"Everything okay?"

"As well as they'll be, I guess. Sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep." I kissed her forehead.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to burden you."

Bella cupped my cheek. "If we share our burdens, it lightens the load."

"I don't want to upset you in your-"

Bella quickly took my hand and placed it over our unborn son. "I'm okay; I promise you. _We're_ okay, and we want to make sure you're okay."

It all poured out. I complained, and I railed, and my voice broke a couple of times from my fury and my frustration and yes, from my overwhelming concern for JJ. And all the while, Bella stroked my cheek with one hand and stroked our child with the other.

For a long while afterward, Bella and I gazed at one another silently. Finally, I let out a shaky breath.

"Life isn't fair. He deserves better."

"But neither is it completely unfair. He has you."

"_We_ should be completely focused on our son's imminent arrival, but instead, I can't promise you that I won't be worried about JJ until when and if my sister gets her shit together and kicks that bastard to the..." I exhaled heavily.

All the while, Bella's caressed my cheek and my jaw. "Do you think I could ever fault you for that, Edward, for being such a caring man, such a caring uncle? Such a caring son and friend? What better partner to me and father to _our_ son could I ever ask for? Don't ever think you can't share your worries about JJ with me, because even though I don't know him, of course my heart goes out to him. Come here."

She tried to pull me toward her, but with her protruding midsection, her movements were awkward and pretty ineffective.

"Maybe help turn me over and spoon me, yeah?"

I chuckled lowly. "Sounds good. Bella, I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

And as I held her in my arms, I realized that it was the first time that Bella had ever said JJ's name without pausing before it or tripping over it.

OOOOO

A few weeks later, the heatwave of mid-June was another distant memory.

While the summer had definitely turned out to be a hot one, now in late July, there was a hint of a warm breeze, and temperatures hovered around the mid to high eighties without exceeding the ninety-degree mark for more than three consecutive days - therefore not meeting the definition of a heatwave.

Unfortunately, the lack of outside air-conditioning had caused Bella to spend much of the summer indoors - by her own choice. To somewhat make up for that, we were holding our baby shower in Central Park, at a restaurant with a great garden and an even better indoor air-conditioned area she could escape to when my nine-months pregnant girlfriend got too hot, which turned out to be through much of the shower. Strangely enough, Bella appeared to have forgotten who'd specifically requested an outdoor baby shower.

"Whose idea was it to hold our baby shower outdoors in the middle of summer?" she'd asked more than once throughout the afternoon.

"Yours!" Rose, Emmett, Mack, and I invariably replied.

We'd invited everyone - well, almost everyone. There were those with who we'd likely never be easy in company with, no matter what.

My parents were here. Over the past few months, Bella had managed to develop a good relationship with my mother and a decent one with my father.

Charlie, Bella's dad flew down from Forks, Washington. Over the past few months, he and I developed a good relationship as well, first based on our mutual hatred of Bella's ex-husband, but more importantly, based on our mutual love for Bella.

Charlie and my father appeared to get along decently as well.

It was while Bella, a few of our friends, and I were sitting under the flowered, air-conditioned trellis, which my mom and Rose decorated for the shower - with Bella's blessing, for God's sake; how could she so conveniently forget? - that one of the biggest events of Bella's and my life was set into motion. Though, at the time, little did we know how momentous that even would be.

We were talking and laughing, passing around baby Beck as if she were a doll. She was now six-months-old, starting to giggle, and keeping Bella and me entranced with visions of our own near future. I may have joked about babies and my great-fucking-swimmers, just to get Bella riled up. Afterward, Emmett started telling one of his many, long-winded parables; I can't recall which one. I do recall that I was relieved when my dad called me over, so I could escape the damn story.

"Coming!" I yelled out eagerly, placing a quick kiss to Bella's cheek and brushing her stomach gently. "I'll be right back."

"Lucky bastard. You get to escape Emmett's parable."

Chuckling heartily, I walked toward the restaurant. However, it was Charlie who waited just inside the door. There were deep lines across his forehead, and his jaw was set tight. Along with the stiffness in Bella's father's shoulders, the entire image set me on wary alert.

"We have a problem," he said, as if I hadn't extrapolated that much already. And as soon as I opened the restaurant door, I extrapolated more.

A child...JJ's frightened sobs hit me immediately.

"Where are they?"

"Come on."

Charlie led me down the hallway toward the men's restrooms, where my dad stood just outside, with a screaming JJ in his arms.

"Want Mommy! Mommy! Uncle Edwahd!" As soon as JJ saw me, he reached his arms out, and I took him from my dad.

"What happened, little man? Are you okay?"

JJ resumed his crying, so my dad provided the answer. "He's upset because his mom dropped him off, and..." Carlisle mouthed the rest - "she and Jasper had another fight."

I snorted. "Hey, look at me, buddy. It's okay. It's okay."

But JJ continued crying. "Want Mommy! Mommy!"

I stroked his curls and glowered at Carlisle. "This is Bella's baby shower."

"I know, son."

"_She_ doesn't freaking change," I hissed, "and I don't want to upset Bella because she can't-" I cut myself off and shook my head sharply, unable to say all the things I wanted to say, not in front of JJ. "It's our baby shower, and she's nine months pregnant, for God's sake."

"I know, son, and I apologize, but Al just dropped him off and-"

Charlie cut in. "Ed, maybe Bella won't-"

"What's going on?"

At the sound of that voice, I spun around instinctively. JJ spotted Bella, and to this day, I can only imagine what he saw. Whatever it was, it was enough to startle him out of his sobs.

For a few, loaded heartbeats, no one spoke, no one moved a muscle. No one had any clue how a nine-month-pregnant woman would react at the sight of the child borne of the biggest betrayal she'd ever experienced, a child whose birth announcement was flung at her like a spear through the heart.

And all the while, Bella stroked her stomach. When she took a small step forward, my breath hitched. And then...Bella smiled.

"Why, hello. You must be JJ."

JJ offered Bella a slow nod, a series of small, broken sighs shaking his tiny frame. I stroked his curls comfortingly because I knew that, no matter what, he had nothing to fear from Bella. It's what the sight of him might do to her that terrified me.

Yet...Bella took another step forward.

"I'm Bella."

"Bells, honey…" Charlie whispered.

"Bella…" I breathed.

"Shh," she said softly. "It's okay. It's fine."

And the thing was...Bella appeared...more than fine.

She had the look of a mother, a fiercely protective, nurturing mother, whose dark eyes were brimming with compassion, and shining with an expression of pure, tender love that I'd only ever witnessed when she spoke to our unborn son, Masen.

When she closed all the distance between herself, JJ, and me, she slid her fingers softly through JJ's hair, taking over his comfort. And I dropped my hand.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Mommy went bye-bye," JJ said, waving 'goodbye' in illustration. "She said 'go with Gwampa and Uncoe Edwahd. I need a bwake.'"

I could see Bella's eyes fill with tears, but she didn't allow them to fall. Instead, after my father leaned into her ear, and he whispered words, of which I only caught a few, - "...fight...Jasper...dropped off...without warning...sorry...never-" - Bella's spine straightened, and she stood taller than her heavy midsection had allowed her to stand in a while.

She offered JJ a radiant smile.

"Well, guess what, JJ? We're having a party just outside." With her raw thumb - a clear sign of her happiness - Bella gestured behind her. "And we have cake and balloons, and it's a beautiful, sunny day, and there are more kids out there, and soon, I'm going to open presents."

JJ blinked away his tears. "Buhthday pwesents?"

"Something like that, yes."

He paused pensively. "Can I heh-oop open pwesents?"

"Of course you can help open presents." Bella patted her stomach. "This is your little cousin in here, so it's sort of your job to help him or her out, if you don't mind."

JJ clapped his hands, and Bella chuckled.

"Are you ready, Jay?"

JJ nodded eagerly, bouncing excitedly now in my arms. "Let's go, Uncoe Edwahd! Let's go!"

Slowly, I met the love of my life's eyes.

No, Life wasn't always fair, but neither was it unfair. JJ had neglectful parents, but he had me...and Bella.

The summers ebb and flow...ebb and flow...but always, they return.

"I love you so much," I mouthed thickly, hoarsely.

Again, Bella chuckled. "Come on, guys. Let's go."

That night, when we laid in bed after a successful baby shower, Bella gushed for hours, but not about the gifts we'd received at the party. She gushed incessantly about the two-and-a-half-year-old boy who'd stolen her heart.

"All this time, I'd been so wary, when he's just a little boy. A sweet, beautiful little boy - Alice and Jasper's son, yes...but _our_ nephew."

OOOOO

A few weeks later, on August 15th to be exact, I took part in the labor and delivery of our long-awaited son, Masen Edward Swan Cullen.

Well, I took part in it as much as I was able. I helped Bella breathe through the contractions. I offered her ice chips. I helped her focus. I held her hand, and I kissed her cheek, and I wiped her brow, and I reminded her that I loved her more than anyone in the world, and I vowed I'd love our son just as much and that I'd protect them both with my dying breath.

But who are we kidding? There was only so much I could do.

When our tiny miracle...our butterfly screamed his way into the world, it was because the hardest part was performed by the the strongest of women. From beginning to end...

It was all Bella.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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**Almost done - for real this time.**

**"See" you all soon.**


	39. Chapter 38

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Almost done, guys. Hoping to update once more before Christmas. We'll see.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken - Chapter 38**

* * *

**12 Hours After Masen's Birth:**

"Look who's here, clean-faced, with freshly laundered clothes, hands sanitized, and super anxious to meet his baby cousin."

"Jay!"

"Aunt Bella!"

At the sight of Bella, JJ broke into a sprint, and if I wasn't mistaken, with the intention of jumping onto Bella's lap. She sat with pillows propped between her and the hospital bed's metal headboard, with one of the special, round donut-shaped pillows she'd received at the baby shower around her waist, and with our newborn son attached to her left nipple.

"Hold on, JJ. Hold on." Catching him mid-jump, I hefted him up into my arms, making him shriek and giggle hysterically.

"Uncle Edwahd, put me down! Wanna see Aunt Bella and baby cousin you said came out of huh belly! Look! He's wight theugh!"

"You're going to see them, little man; we just have to rein in your two-and-a-half-year-old energy for a bit."

I chuckled at the impatient pout he spared me as he struggled in my arms, and for a moment, he looked so much like his mother...so much that a long-forgotten memory struck me out of the blue. I was around ten, and Alice was a little girl of a similar age to JJ, and we were laughing and...

And I shook off the memory. Today wasn't a day for those types of thoughts.

Meanwhile, JJ held out his arms and sought rescue from Bella. "Aunt Bella! Aunt Bella!"

Bella chuckled quietly. "Edward, bring him here so that I can give him a kiss, and then Jay promises that if you set him next to me, he'll be extra special careful with me and the baby. Won't you, Jay? Aunt Bella's got a boo-boo, and the baby is teeny tiny." She smiled brightly at Jay. "So we've got to be very gentle."

"Aunt Bella got boo-boo?" JJ's voice was abruptly tinged with a slight note of alarm.

"Just a tiny boo-boo, like when you scraped your elbow at the park the other day. Remember?"

After what I'd witnessed a few hours earlier, I quirked a brow at the comparison, but based on JJ's wide grin, Bella's calmly-delivered reassurance did the trick.

"Okay, Aunt Bella. I be gentle."

I held JJ close to Bella, and she planted a firm kiss on his cheek, all while she continued nursing our newborn. Then, cautiously setting JJ down at the edge of the bed, I backed up slowly, in case I had to swoop back in. But as promised, JJ remained perfectly still, gaping at Bella and our son in almost comical awe.

"What's he doing theugh, Aunt Bella?"

"He's eating, my love. This is how baby's eat."

"Did I eat like that when I was baby?"

Bella paused, as unsure as I was at the answer. "Yes, Jay. You did."

And assured, for the most part, that for the next few minutes, our young nephew would be able to control his eagerness for the aunt he'd adored since the day he'd met her a few weeks earlier, and tamp down on his exuberance for his newborn cousin, I turned to Bella and brushed my lips against her forehead before placing a kiss on our son's fuzzy, ginger head.

"Masen," I breathed, "Daddy had to leave for a few minutes to pick up your cousin, JJ, but I'm back, and I promise, I won't leave for more than a half-hour ever again."

Bella quietly chuckled. "That might turn out to be a hard promise to keep, Edward."

"Watch me." When I looked up and grinned, our eyes met and held. "Are you really okay, my love? Everything alright? Anything else you need?"

"I'm as fine as I was when you left us less than an hour ago, and now that you're back, and that Jay's here, and our son is in my arms...no, Edward, there's nothing and no one else I need that isn't right here in this room."

Kissing her softly, I murmured against her lips. "That's good to know...but unfortunately, my parents will be here soon," - when she groaned, I chuckled and pulled back - "and your dad's been texting me from the air nonstop, and Emmett, Mack, Rose, and Vera keep calling and texting to reassure me they'll all be here soon too, bringing all their germs, and..." I sighed.

Bella sighed too and offered me a smile. "I guess it's not just about us anymore, is it?"

"Looks like it's not."

**One Month After Masen's Birth:**

"Oh God, baby, that feels...that feels so good, but you don't have to-"

"Edward, I want to. You think I don't miss it...miss having this inside me?"

Her words and her hand both made me groan loudly.

"Shh. You'll wake the baby."

"Oh, okay," I breathed as low as possible because as much as I adored my son, at that moment, the last thing I wanted was for him to open his eyes.

Unfortunately, that was exactly what he did. What's more, in the delicious quiet of the night, mid-hand-pump, our son's hungry cry pierced my little corner of frustration-relieving Eden. Bella released me instantly and jumped to her feet.

"Oh God, I've got to wash my hands before I pick him up!"

For two seconds, I laid on our bed and stared up at the ceiling, physically and painfully throbbing while our son shrieked and demanded his midnight feeding. With a quick and heavy sigh, I flipped over and picked Masen out of the bassinet.

"Shh, it's all right, little man. Mommy's coming. Shh. It's okay; I know you're hungry, but unfortunately, Daddy's not equipped to handle that."

Bella ran out of the bathroom in her bra and hastily slid into the bed beside me. In a series of expert motions as if she'd been doing this for years rather than for four weeks, she unclipped the panel on her bra, took our son from my arms, and situated him into position. When he latched on instantly, and his shrieks abruptly stopped, we both released a long breath.

Gazing at him in the dim light of the room, I stroked his small, socked feet, then caressed his cheek lightly while it filled and hollowed with his eager swallows.

"You're a hungry, little man, aren't you? Every two-and-a-half-hours on the dot. I should've timed it better," I muttered.

Bella chuckled, and when I looked up, her eyes were on me. Her impish gaze panned down to my groin.

"You're going to have to finish that up on your own."

I smirked. "Oh, that's long gone. My son's shrieks made sure of that."

We both laughed under our breath.

**Six Weeks to the day After Masen's Birth:**

"Ohh...Edward..."

"You okay, my love? Does it hurt?"

"No...just keep going slowly...yeah...yeah...just like that...with slow...long...ohhh...ohhh...ohhh..."

It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to come the second she tightened around me because it'd been almost two months since we'd made love. But I let her finish first, and when I felt her muscles slacken, I readied myself for my turn.

Masen's wails demolished those plans.

Bella pushed me back. "Edward, get off. The baby."

"Just give me ten seconds; please," I begged, "even seven."

With a hard shove to my chest, she sat up and reached for Masen.

After a few minutes, while Masen fed happily, Bella chuckled.

"God, that was good."

I smirked at her. "Was it now?"

"I'll make it up to you in a few minutes."

Chuckling quietly, I stroked our son's growing hair. Then, once he was done feeding, I took him from Bella, burped him, and changed his diaper. Cooing him for a few minutes until he fell asleep, I gently placed him back in his bassinet and eagerly turned toward Bella...

...who was fast asleep.

Snorting, I brushed my lips against her forehead and made sure she was comfortably covered. And with a sigh and blue balls, I laid back down and tried to sleep too.

**Three Months After Masen's Birth:**

Bella's fingers were flying over the keyboard. She was murmuring to herself, debating synonyms, reading her passages back to herself, biting her thumbnail beds. Across from her, and in between sneaking glances and grinning because there were few sights I loved more than seeing her this way, I was taking care of some of my own work.

All until the monitor at the corner of Bella's desk came to life. Loud cries filled the apartment, and on the screen, minuscule arms and legs flailed wildly.

"Oh, God," she breathed heavily. "I was just in the middle...it was such a good idea." Her voice broke.

"Bella, you pumped your milk, right?"

Bella's eyes met mine warily, unsure. "Yes, Edward, but I don't know..."

I stood and quickly made my way to her, kneeling in front of her while Masen cried and demanded, and Bella's chest heaved.

"Shh. We discussed this, and you cleared it with Vera, and he's old enough and latches on well enough where my feeding him from a bottle won't interfere with your nursing."

Tears filled the corners of her dark eyes. They moved to the monitor, where our son's cries grew more insistent.

"Feed him from a bottle," she spat as if it were blasphemy, "all so I can write, Edward?"

"No, baby. All so that you can continue being the wonderful, well-rounded individual that you are: mother, writer, friend, lover, etc. And so that I can be a well-rounded father to our son. I'll bring him out here, okay? And we'll be fine; you'll see."

Ten minutes later, Masen and I sat on the sofa, while he happily drank Bella's milk from a bottle. At first, Bella's fingers moved haltingly, casting constant looks our way.

"Hold his head a bit higher, Edward."

"Make sure he's not too warm, Edward."

"Make sure he's not too cold, Edward."

Slowly, little by little, the space of time between her glances and her instructions increased. By the time Masen was done, and I burped him, Bella was lost in a world beyond our loft. I changed our son's diaper, then I propped him safely against me on the sectional and carried on a conversation while I finished up some work on my laptop.

"So now this email is going out to the branch heads of the Department of Infectious Diseases, which Daddy and Uncle Emmett head up. It's flu season, little man, and while we're not having a year like last year's, thank God," I snorted, "we've still got to keep up with those vaccines. You're not old enough for your flu inoculation yet, but when you are, get ready cuz you'll be receiving it every year, little man. What's that? Does it hurt, you ask? I won't lie to you, Masen; it hurts a bit, but it's an imperative vaccination. Just ask your cousin JJ when he visits tomorrow. He'll tell you it's not so bad. He just got his last week. What? Of course, Mommy and Daddy and JJ will be there with you when you receive it. And I'm sure Aunt Vera will be very gentle. Don't worry about it too much..."

Abruptly realizing I wasn't hearing Bella's fingers galloping over the keyboard anymore, I looked up.

She was watching us, her smile both soft and amused.

"Love you both. And thank you."

"We love you too."

**Four Months After Masen's Birth:**

"Look who's here!"

"Jay!"

"Aunt Bella!"

Bella broke away from our guests, and she and JJ ran toward one another. Swooping him into her arms, Bella kissed him soundly.

"Merry Christmas, my little sweetheart!"

"Mewy Chwistmas, Aunt Bella!"

"Uncle Edward and I have your present right under the-"

"Wheah's Masen? I wanna play with Masen."

Bella stopped and smiled. "He's right there, playing with Beck, and waiting for you."

JJ squirmed until Bella set him down, and he ran straight toward Beck and Masen.

"Hi, Beck! Hi, Mase!"

Our four-month-old son gazed between ten-month-old Beck, who was just starting to cruise, and JJ, the latter who was waving his hand wildly in greeting and grinning a broad, toothy grin.

While the three little ones carried out their form of conversation, Bella turned to me and whispered.

"Did she give you a hard time?"

I shrugged. "Not as much as she did over Thanksgiving."

"Thank goodness. She was fighting with Jasper over Thanksgiving, wasn't she?"

"And that always puts her in a shitty mood. I suppose he's been behaving himself," I scowled.

Bella shook her head. "I wish she'd realize, for Jay's sake, that Jasper has always been and will always be a-"

When Masen broke out into hearty giggles, we pushed my sister and her asshole boyfriend out of our minds, and instead focused on their son - our nephew - who was currently making funny faces at his baby cousin.

"Oh my God, he's laughing. Edward, Jay made Masen laugh out loud!"

**Six Months After Masen's Birth:**

"Then, when Ed saw all the blood and gore that popped out of Bella along with little Mase, he almost shit his pants and passed out right on top of her. _'Is Bella okay?'"_ Emmett whined in an imitation of what was supposed to be my voice. "'_That can't be normal. Is she okay? But Doctor, that much blood loss can't be normal.'" _

Emmett McCarty, microbiologist, armchair psychologist, and occasional bullshit artist was, once again, having fun at my expense.

"He kept moaning and groaning, asking questions and distracting the doctor and the nurses. In the end, poor Bella had to reassure _him_ instead of the other way around just so that the nurses could focus on taking care of Mase, cleaning him and performing all that Apgar screening business and whatnot - which by the way, he passed with flying colors because, you know, he's my godson."

"We know," the crowd gathered around us confirmed in impatient tones.

Em grinned. "Good. Just putting that out there. Anyway, by the time Edward finally picked himself up from where he'd dropped on the bed like a pancake, the nurses had cleaned all the gook off of Mase and placed him on Bella's stomach. And Mase...well, he was this tiny, ginger-haired angel..."

A round of reverent "Awwws" rang out from the crowd, which was made up of various friends and family members who'd come together to help my parents celebrate forty years of...well, if not of marital bliss, then of a marriage that had somehow survived ups and downs and beat some strange odds. Whether or not I understood their marriage was irrelevant, as Bella had helped me understand. Their marriage was for them to puzzle. I could only deal with how it affected my life, with what I'd learned from it, for good or for bad. And I _had_ learned a thing or two.

The soft grin that curved around half of Em's big mouth as he compared my son to an angel was almost enough to get me to forgive the bullshit - and somewhat drunken - tale he was currently telling.

"...an angel created by magic sperm."

Yep. _Almost_ enough to get me to forgive it.

Rowdy snickers sounded around the crowd. By then, he had the attention of almost everyone in the grand room of my parents' upper east side apartment. Even my parents and some of their friends and colleagues who stood at the other end of the room were listening.

"Oh, Emmett." Esme clamped a hand over her mouth to hide her amusement.

In my periphery, however, there was a woman in a black dress, who I'd kept an eye on all evening. She stood off to the side of the crowd, with a cousin of ours whom I'd never been particularly friendly with, both of them with their backs to us and ignoring the tale. And there was one other person at the party I was keeping a watchful eye on - a man who until that night I hadn't been in the same room with for years.

For weeks, I'd debated attending this party, not so much anymore because I feared what their presence would do to Bella's mental well-being. By then, Bella had too much going on in her life to concern herself with them. She was a world-famous author, a mom, and whatever damage they'd tried to inflict on her wasn't forgiven or forgotten by her, but it was in her past. No; I'd debated attending because, as I'd told Alice a few months earlier, while Bella may not have been the type to keep score, I couldn't say I wasn't.

Nonetheless, so far, the motherfucker had been smart enough to keep himself far away from me, and most especially, from Bella and our son. At that moment, for example, he was off somewhere out of sight.

"So then, Ed cut the cord and got to hold his son for the very first time - all awkward and almost dropping him because _Panita_ here," Emmett chuckled and clapped my shoulder, "never held a newborn in his life."

With a casual, unperturbed stance, one hand dug inside my pants pocket and the other wrapped around a champagne glass, I allowed the tale to continue.

"Meanwhile, Bella's already yelling at him, '_Jesus, Edward, watch his head!'"_ Emmett snorted. "But man, you should've seen this guy's face light up. I'm sure most of y'all saw how...let's call it overprotective - cuz I don't want to say downright _loco," _he added in a stage-whispered aside, "Ed was with Bella while she was pregnant. But man, the fierce devotion on this guy's face when he first held his son...that was a thing of beauty. It was almost enough to make up for the pitiful job he did in that delivery room." Emmett clapped me on the back and clicked his champagne goblet to mine. "So, overall, Ed, I'd say good job on my godson. Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Everyone around us erupted in applause and cheers.

Emmett grinned and wrapped his free arm around his girlfriend, Mack's waist.

"Emmett, that was just plain wrong," Mack chuckled. "Entertaining, but wrong."

He offered Mack a smug wink. "That's me all around, ain't it?"

When he pulled her in for a loud kiss, I waited for them to come up for air.

"You've told some fairy-tales in your lifetime, but this one..."

"What?" he chuckled. "So I embellished a little. It's what we creative-types do. Ask Bella and Mack."

I quirked a brow. "You weren't even in the delivery room when my son was born."

"I've pieced it together from what I've heard you and Bella tell."

"We've never told it that way."

"Bella has," Mack grinned.

I narrowed my eyes at Mack in feigned indignation. "While I'll be the first to say that Bella was a damn trooper, and I honestly don't know if I could've done it-"

"Trust me, Ed, you couldn't have," Mack said.

"I _didn't_ pass out."

"But you _did_ ask the doctor and nurses, more than once, if that amount of blood was normal," Emmett snickered.

"I was worried! And I didn't almost drop Mase."

"But Bella did yell at you about being careful with his head," Mack confirmed.

"Maybe once. Or twice. And I've never been _over_protective."

"Ed, now I've got to call you out on that one." My cousin, Jamie approached us. "Little Masen is upstairs napping now, but before you and Bella took him up, whoever wanted to hold him had to sanitize their hands thoroughly and submit to a background search on their recent health."

"That's not completely true," I countered, grinning. "I let Jay hold him and play with him before they both went up for a nap, didn't I?"

"That's because you and Bella take care of that little boy like he's yours." Emmett frowned darkly when he looked around, and his eyes located JJ's useless father. "And you're always cleaning his hands."

At that point, I turned to where Bella had been all along in my periphery, her striking, red gown holding my attention the entire time.

"Bella, babe! I wasn't completely useless in the delivery room, was I?"

She'd been talking with Rosalie and Vera, the three of them mostly ignoring Emmett's tale, which we'd all heard a half-dozen times at least. She turned toward me somewhat distractedly.

"What? Oh. No. No, Edward, of course not. Not completely useless. You passed me ice chips."

With a wink and a blown kiss across the room, she resumed her conversation with Rose and Vera.

Emmett, Mack, and Jamie, laughed and laughed.

And I grinned.

OOOOO

A few minutes later, Jamie and I found ourselves alone.

"Well, Ed, I may not be into women," he grinned, "but as far as they go, Bella's looking pretty great tonight."

I chuckled. "Thanks, but as Emmett will remind you if he ever hears you describe a woman that way, "there's a lot more to her than her outer beauty."

"I know that," he smirked. "But..." When the grin fell from Jamie's face, he leaned in closer and jerked his jaw, and I followed the trajectory, my own grin evaporating, "I don't know if you've noticed, but her ex has been staring at her all night too."

I'd been pretty relaxed, much more relaxed than I'd expected to be at this party, but now, every muscle in my body tensed. "Has he now? I was trying not to look at the fucker."

"Yeah. I know you've been staying away from him so as to minimize the temptation to beat the shit out of him, but _I've_ been watching him. He's kept his distance, yeah...but..."

Right then, Jasper was standing alone off to the side, drinking a beer and scrolling through his phone. When, as I watched him, his eyes did indeed move away from the screen and follow Bella, a slow scowl started at one corner of my mouth and crept to the other side.

"When you and Bella arrived tonight, the fucker was standing with me, trying to engage me in conversation. It's like he doesn't get when people don't like him."

"He's a dense fucker. Thank God JJ doesn't seem to have inherited his stupidity."

Jamie chuckled. "Anyway, when he saw Bella, his eyes popped out of their sockets, and he must've forgotten himself because he breathed, "My God, she looks perfect.'"

My scalp prickled. "Oh yeah?"

"The thing is, the guy's so fucking dense he didn't realize that Alice was standing at my other side."

Hands now clenched into fists at my sides, I met Jamie's gaze. "What'd she do?"

"Nothing. She walked away, and then I walked away from him and left him standing alone. But Ed...there's something else I've been wanting to tell you."

By then, as Emmett and Mack approached, I was seething.

"What's going on, guys?" Emmett asked.

Jamie continued. "Well, the day Masen was born, I was here at the house, waiting for Aunt Esme because we were working on some new designs. Alice and that bastard happened to be here too, and your dumb sister wanted me to make a suit for him."

"What?" Mack asked in disbelief. "What woman is that dumb?"

"I said no-" Jamie said.

Emmett chuckled.

"-so she said she'd wait for Aunt Esme to come home-"

"Unfucking-"

"-so when Aunt Esme came in and announced Masen's birth, you should've seen the fucker's face. He went pale. Looked like he might pass out. Went and locked himself in the bathroom for like a half-hour. When he came out, he tried grilling Aunt Esme for all sorts of information - weight, size, name, how Bella was doing, etcetera. But like I said, the dumb fuck doesn't seem to get that no one in this family can stand his ass. Aunt Esme told him he was being completely inappropriate and asking questions that weren't his business. Even Uncle Carlisle told him none of it was his concern. And then Alice-"

"Wait, Alice witnessed all this?" I asked.

"Dude, she was right there. The guy does not give a fuck how he hurts her. Anyway, instead of kicking him to the curb like she should've done eons ago, she got up, told him, 'Let's go,' and since the dumb fuck at least knows who pays his way, he got the fuck up and followed her out."

"Where was JJ throughout all this?"

"He was right there, Ed, playing. "

My nostrils flared, vision tunneling as I opened and closed my fists, stretched my fingers, cracked my knuckles in prep.

"Edward?"

For a few, long moments, while I watched Jasper through a scarlet haze, everyone else in the room disappeared. All sound turned into indistinguishable murmurs.

"Ed...?"

I saw myself walking up to Jasper, could already feel the crunch of his jawbone under my hand.

_Finally_.

The way he deserved.

It was a great scene. It was a scene that made a slow grin lift up the corners of my mouth...

But then...the grin faded. The scene - while beyond enticing - was exactly the type of scene that had led Bella and me down dark, rabbit holes. No matter how hot my fury burned - and it was scorching - I couldn't..._wouldn't_ lead Bella down one of those holes again.

"Ed?" Jamie said. I could tell by his tone he'd called my name before. "You okay? Should I have kept this to myself? I've debated-"

"No. No, it's fine." With a deep breath, I grinned and clapped first Jamie, then Emmett, and then even Mack on the shoulder. "I'm fine. Really. Come on, guys. Let's go find Bella and the rest, and enjoy the party."

OOOOO

Bella and I danced. We spent time with friends and some family. It was our first real party since Masen's birth, and though we kept an eye on him with the video monitor we'd set up at the buffet table, for a while, we had an admittedly fun, childless time. Masen was safe and napping. Jay was safe and sleeping.

As for the other ones...

While Bella and I talked to our friends, on the other side of the room, Alice swayed and laughed too loudly. One empty glass of champagne after another left her hands and landed on the server's trays with a pronounced thwack. All the while, Jasper ignored her. He hung out with a group of fellow losers he'd met. I saw my dad quietly approach him. Whatever he said to the bastard made Jasper approach Alice. They hissed at one another in a corner. When he tried to take Alice aside, she shook him off and stormed away toward the kitchen. With his nostrils flaring, I watched Jasper follow.

Bella's eyes met mine. When Masen's lusty cries filled the monitor, Bella chuckled at our group.

"Right on time. The boobs are aching. Our son calls."

"Want me to come up with you?"

"It's all right, babe. There's not much _you_ can do right now anyway." Smiling impishly, she offered me a wink as she leaned into my ear. "Go find your sister. JJ's sleeping upstairs."

"I know. I'll be up in a few," I whispered back.

Eyes on me, she pulled away and made her way up to my old bedroom, where our son awaited his feeding.

After a couple of minutes, I excused myself from the group and made my way to the kitchen. Other than for the caterers, Alice was alone, serving herself more champagne and sloppily spilling half the bottle's contents. When she lifted the glass to her mouth, sloshing the liquid over the rim, I guided her hand down.

Alice sighed. "What do you want, Edward?"

"Where's your boyfriend?"

She offered me a lopsided grin. "I told him to the get the fuck out of our parents' party. Aren't you proud of me? I shouldn't have brought him in the first place."

"I can't disagree with that."

"Guess what, Edward? I don't need or want your approval. Haven't for years."

"When have you ever sought my approval for anything?"

She stared at me for a few seconds, her eyes glazed. When they crossed, she swayed, and I reached out to steady her.

"Alice, Jasper's gone, your drunk, and Mom and Dad are in the middle of a party. Who's going to take care of JJ when he wakes up?"

Again, she stared at me for a few seconds. "That's all you care about, right?"

"What?"

She made no reply. Instead, she lifted her glass again, and once again, I pushed her hand down.

"Stop it!"

Out of patience with her, I sighed heavily and raked a hand through my hair. "Look, if you're not going to stop for yourself, at least think of JJ."

"How about me, Edward?" she grinned. "Who the fuck thinks of me!"

The caterers turned to look before quickly diverting their gazes.

"Alice," I hissed, "if you want to think of yourself, then let Bella and me take JJ home with us for the night. You can go home and...sleep this off."

This time, when she stared at me, her eyes watered.

"Damn it, Alice. Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you let _him_-"

She cut me off. "Fine, Edward. Fine. Whatever. But I want JJ back tomorrow."

Jaw squared, I nodded tightly and pulled out some money. "Make sure you take a damn cab home," I said as I walked away.

OOOOO

Quietly shutting the door to my old bedroom, I locked it behind me. When I turned, the scene that met me served to erase all the tension of the past few fucked up minutes. But that's exactly how it was with my son and Bella...with my family. They were the two stars by which I navigated my life.

Bella was nursing Masen. Carefully easing my old desk chair beside Bella and our son, I stroked his copper hair while he sucked slowly, something he did when he was almost sated.

"Everything okay?" I whispered.

"You tell me."

When I exhaled heavily and offered her a tired smile, Bella reached out and quickly squeezed my hand.

"JJ's coming home with us."

"Then, I'm glad that despite that scene downstairs, we came."

"Me too," I murmured. "What do you call it? Chaos Theory? There's a reason for everything?"

"Exactly," she grinned.

When Masen stopped sucking, Bella pulled him away and handed him to me. "You get Runner's Highs from running. I get Nurser's Highs from nursing."

"I didn't know that was a thing."

"And you never will."

I chuckled quietly, gazing at our son. He was getting bigger, recognizing us, smiling and grinning and offering unintelligible gibberish. We carried a conversation while I burped him, changed him, and hugged him carefully to me for a few, precious seconds.

"Let Mommy keep bragging about that bond," I said playfully as I settled him on my lap, "you and I have our own bonding moments, don't we, Mase?"

He gurgled and burped, and Bella and I laughed.

"Everything else okay, Edward?"

"Yeah." I looked up at her and grinned. "Yeah, everything's fine."

We carried on a light conversation while spending time with our son. When he reached out and played with my nose, Bella chuckled. After a while, Masen grew sleepy, and I set him in his bassinett. Then I turned around and offered Bella murmured apologies as I laid her on my old bed and lifted her hem around her hips. And when she unfastened my pants and pulled them below my hips, I pushed myself inside her.

Bella wrapped her legs tightly around me and dug her heels into my ass, her nails into my back.

"I love you, Edward. Ohhh, I love you."

I thrust hard and fast, our hipbones meeting in the most wonderfully frantic type of friction.

She bit my neck, and I pulled her hands over her head, wrapped them around the metal bed frame.

"Hold on, baby."

The headboard hit the wall over and over, and Bella cried out against my neck, muffling the noise. When I came, I groaned into her mouth.

Afterward, she stroked my hair as I rested my head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

"You're my everything. You and our son."

"I know. I do know that. "

When our heartbeats regulated, we stood and adjusted our clothing.

"Want me to wait for you?"

"No," Bella smiled. "You may be able to zip up and go, but I've got to clean up."

I chuckled apologetically as I walked to the bassinet, where our son still slept soundly and unaware of the activity in which his parents had just participated.

"All right, then. Sorry about your dress. Now, everyone'll know what we were doing."

"You're not sorry."

"You know me too well," I grinned.

With a soft kiss to my son's forehead and a gauzy stroke with the back of my fingers to his warm cheek, I pulled myself away from the bassinet and made my way to the door. Turning the knob, I looked over my shoulder for one last look at Bella, who was inspecting her reflection in the mirror and smoothing away creases.

"You still look amazing," I murmured.

She met my gaze through the mirror and offered me a wry grin. "So do you."

"I'll meet you downstairs when you're ready. Love you."

"I love you too."

Carefully pulling the door shut behind me, I smoothed down my dress shirt, refastened the buttons on my jacket, and straightened my tie one more time as I made my way to the staircase. However, at the top of the landing, I came to a sudden halt, and the smile I wore withered.

Instinctively, the bones in my jaw clenched then protruded. My top lip twisted around a snarl that morphed into a furious sneer as I watched Jasper climb the stairs and simultaneously examine his surroundings. His eyes panned furtively from side to side, returned front and center as he took the steps confidently, two at a time, a satisfied smile on his face; that is, until he looked up.

Now, _his_ smile withered. Yet, in one smooth motion, the shiny-shoed foot he held poised in midair swiveled fluidly and took the next step down as if it had been his intended direction all along.

"Where were you going?" I hissed behind him.

He feigned deafness.

"Jasper!"

He stopped, but for a handful of seconds, he remained with his back to me, his shoulders rising and falling...rising and falling. Finally, he turned.

"Oh. Hey, what's up, Ed?"

"I asked you what you were heading up the stairs for?"

He tilted his head in a manner meant to convey confusion.

_What could I have possibly done wrong while I minded my own business?_

His blond waves were a couple of shades darker than JJ's and brushed his shoulder. His blue eyes narrowed in supposedly innocent bewilderment.

I noticed something then - in the back of my mind, considering everything else running rampant in my head at that moment, but that was me; that's how I operated. I considered everything in the room and then extrapolated what was necessary. I noticed that Jasper and my sister both had blue eyes. But whenever Alice was incontrovertibly caught in the middle of one of her fuck-ups, her eyes would flash darkly with overt, shameless, 'fuck you, yes, I did it' fire. Yeah, she was sneaky, but when the woman got busted, she was openly combative from start to finish.

This fucker, on the other hand, was a soft-spoken, deceivingly doe-eyed, misleadingly-fresh-faced, skulking and slivering snake well-practiced in the art of subtle duplicity. How long he'd been that way, I had no clue, but I'd first recognized it That Day in the lobby. While Bella and Alice fought that epic battle, he'd simply stood there, the instigator of the catastrophe yet he allowed others to deal with the mess while he impassively went along with whoever came out the supposed 'winner.' Before that, throughout their marriage, he'd kept Bella deceived with his underhanded tricks.

And for the past few years, while Alice yelled and screamed and threw him out over and over again, Jasper came through it all unscathed. One sweet look and she took him back; one smooth word, and he was returned to her bed and her good graces until the next, impending explosion. For all the fire in my headstrong sister, how long would it take her to finally see what I saw clearly before me now? When would she realize the damage his easy lies were causing not only her...but my nephew?

This bastard was the epitome of a faithless, smooth-talking, boy-man; even calling me 'Ed' was part of his bag-of-tricks. Yet all of it...

All of it paled in comparison to the million-dollar question before us now. Because on top of everything, he was an indecisive boy-man, who'd just pushed me past my breaking point by deciding to take these steps, which he knew, as this party went on, led to JJ, to my son, and to Bella. Had his intention truly been an innocuous, up-and-up plan to see his son, he would've answered automatically.

Instead, the fucker simply gaped.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, Jasper. Where. the fuck-"

When he spun around and bounded down the steps two, three at a time, I took a moment to grin because, despite his turning tail, Jasper Hale and I would finally..._finally_ be settling things between us, once and for all.

Then, I lunged.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

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**"See" you soon.**

**Enjoy all the various holidays, my loves!**


	40. Chapter 39

**A/N: Thanks so much for your wonderful thoughts.**

**Shorty but hopefully goody up ahead. The final chapter should post before New Years'. We shall see. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Broken – Chapter 39**

* * *

I lunged and in the next moment cut the distance between Jasper and me enough so that a wild grab for the back of his collar paid off. In one swooping motion, I spun him around and shoved him against the banister. When his lower back hit the railing, he yelped like the dog he was while I twisted the front of his shirt around my fist and bent him further back, hovering furiously above him.

"Ow! My kidneys, man!"

"The hell with your kidneys. Just shut the hell up and listen." I hissed the words lowly and rapidly while scanning my surroundings and flashing my eyes to the top of the staircase. "I don't want her to hear. I don't want to upset-"

"Fuck you, Ed, I don't give a fuck what you want! Get off me or I'll call the cops! GET OFF," he shouted now, "OR I'LL CALL BE- Oof!"

Since my misfortunate first encounter with Jasper Hale, a toxic mixture had begun roiling inside me. It was a mixture that grew and festered throughout the years, with every subsequent event I witnessed as well as with those I heard second-hand. This viscous brew of fury, contempt, and frustration bubbled and boiled like molten lava; it oozed like septic gas. For JJ's and for Bella's sake, I'd held it in. For JJ because the bastard was his father in name if not in actions, and for Bella…because I'd never wanted her put through a scene in any way reminiscent to what happened That Day in the lobby.

But if anyone knew the dangers of toxic, virulent substances, it was me. Certain compounds have a way of blending, ballooning, and swelling when thrown together. Once, a similar mixture had, in a roundabout way, landed me in the hospital. That night, an even more lethal concoction was brimming at the surface, and the unavoidable result was an eruption provoked by too much liquor, by adrenaline, and by an instinctive need to hit this motherfucker once and for all.

When my fist connected with his jaw, he cut off from the deliberately thunderous rant meant to call attention. Instead, as his face flew sideways and spittle flew everywhere, he grunted and groaned, and I resisted the overwhelming urge to hit him again.

Alternatively, I examined our surroundings. Music and conversation wafted in from the other rooms. Above the stairs, all was quiet. Satisfied we'd remained undetected, I took advantage of his relative silence to reissue my request, this time through clenched teeth.

"Go ahead and try calling for help, motherfucker. We're not in a public lobby. Believe me, there's not a single person here who'll bother calling the cops or pulling me off until after I've pummeled you into the ground. Now, I said. shut. the fuck. up."

I yanked him by the lapels and dragged him to the landing while he stumbled and tripped down the rest of the steps like a puppet being led by a puppeteer who gave no fucks.

"Now, come on. I'm not doing this to Bella and the boys. I'm not getting them caught up in a shitfest just because you pushed me beyond my-"

"But I didn't do anything, man! I was just-"

This time, I rammed him against the wall in the small nook hidden in the shadows under the staircase. The back of his head hit the drywall with a sharp thud.

"Oof!"

"Don't fucking play that game with me, Jasper." Now my spittle sprayed out of my mouth and smacked his face. "Do you know what I do for a living, Jasper? I extrapolate. I extend the application of a method to an unknown situation by assuming that existing trends will continue."

"What?"

"Motherfucker, I see through bullshit, and I saw through your bullshit, doe-eyed, I-was-just-standing-there-minding-my-own-fucking-business routine from Day One; from the moment you rushed out of the elevator and into that lobby with your goddamn fly still open and my sister's lipstick all over your face, and you've been that same, easy-to-read, dumbass prick ever since."

His hissed response erupted with more ferocity than I'd come to expect from him.

"That Day wasn't my fault! That was your sister's fault! Goddamn Alice! I was minding my own fucking business when your sister practically threw herself at me the first time we met! I was minding my fucking business when she called me That Day at work and begged me to meet her at her apartment. Then she fucking tells me she got herself pregnant," he scowled, "when I'd already been thinking of ways to break it off-"

Fisting the hair at his temples, I took his head and banged it against the wall. He grunted, his eyes rolling back for a couple of seconds. When he recovered, he grabbed my hands and struggled to free himself. But Jasper was the epitome of a pretty-boy, who'd sailed through life on his looks and not much more. He quickly relented and leaned heavily against the wall, scowling bitterly at me.

"You poor, unfortunate motherfucker," I sneered. "Minding your own business when Alice went and got _herself_ pregnant, huh? And that's what you were doing when Bella saw what she saw through that window – breaking things off with Alice?"

When his lips formed a tight, defenseless line, I offered him an acidic chuckle.

"Yeah, you're a sorry bastard all right. Listen to me, asshole. I didn't drag you down here so you could offer me bullshit excuses for That Day."

"Then what the hell did you drag me down here for, Ed?"

"As a final warning to stay the fuck away from Bella and from my son."

"I wasn't-"

I shoved him against the wall.

"Oof! Fine! Fine! But I just wanted to say hi to her-"

When I kneed him in the groin, other than for the whooshing sound of all air leaving his lungs, he went silent. As his knees gave, and he threatened to double over, I held him up by the shoulders.

"Learn to be a fucking man, and take care and worry about your son and your woman. Jay needs a real father, someone who'll be there, and who'll teach him how to respect-"

"She was my wife first," he groaned, "and you don't have the right-"

Once again, I shoved him against the wall.

"She was your wife, and you were the fucking asshole who gave her up. Again, be a fucking man, and live with your choices. I have every fucking right," I spat. "She's a strong woman, who's proven time and again that she can take care of herself. What the fuck did you think you would've gotten for your efforts had you made it upstairs and cornered Bella? She beat the shit out of you once in that lobby, told you to get the fuck out the next few times you showed up in her building lobby and when you thought you'd show up for a reconciliation at her father's house. You want a fucking encore of any of those, you masochistic bastard? Either way, for as long as she allows me, I'll be there to help her. It will never be me who gives her up, and I will fuck up anyone whoever messes with her again. What's more-"

Jasper snorted bitterly. "There's more?"

I yanked him by the lapels and pulled him closer, my heavy, infuriated breaths landing across his face.

"Motherfucker, there's plenty more, but I'll keep it short. What's more, regardless of everything else, it's your job to care for my sister and my nephew. Man the fuck up for them if not for yourself. Make them your goddamn priority. They're my family as well, so you picked the wrong defense because I have every. fucking. right."

He glared at me, eyes darkened by hatred.

"Jasper, this is the second time you've pushed me, and you've ended up against a wall. The next time," I grinned bitingly, "you'll go through it. Do you understand me?"

When he made no immediate reply beyond a hard, hate-filled glower, I gave him another shove.

"I said, do you understand me?"

His top lip twisted into an acerbic grin. "You wanna know what I don't understand? I don't understand how the hell you ended up with everything, and I ended up with nothing."

Those last few words twisted my heart on my nephew's behalf…and riled me up all over again. My voice shook, hands trembling around his lapels with the effort not to connect with his jaw one more time. Just one. more. time.

"Jasper, you have so much more than you deserve, but you're too much of a rat bastard to see it. And unfortunately…" I swallowed hard, "it's my nephew who's paying the price for that."

Releasing his lapels, I shoved him away, and he hit the wall with a final grunt. Meanwhile, I stepped back, hands in fists at my sides, just in case. But Jasper had only weaseled and not fought for anything his entire damn life, and he didn't appear inclined to change now.

Instead, he straightened, chest heaving as he shook himself off, just like a dog. He shook his head rapidly a few times, stroked his jaw and moved it from side to side, all while glaring fiercely…and nothing else.

I chuckled mockingly. "Don't worry; there's no blood, no permanent damage, but if you ever, ever try to sneak up on Bella again…" I shook my head, "Jasper, there won't be a restraining order in this world that'll keep me from disfiguring that pretty face of yours, once and for all. Then we'll see what you get by on. Now, my sister already threw you out, yet you hung around and got this instead. Unless you want more-"

He put a hand up, palm out. "I'm going, I'm going."

And after a long, hard stare, Jasper bypassed me and stepped out of the shadowed nook. When I saw him look upward, my gaze instinctively followed…

…to Bella.

She stood at the top of the landing, eyes wide after having obviously witnessed…enough. All my righteous fury drained from me and was instantly replaced by guilt. Remorse. I'd lost control, and in doing so, I'd forced her to witness a scene that could do nothing but dredge up the worst sort of memories.

My eyes remained fixed on her, even as I recognized Alice's form in my periphery. A long moment of silence transpired while the four of us simply stood there, my eyes on Bella, hers on Jasper, and Alice's on who knew what – a quadrant of people whose lives had once unwillingly coalesced, and while we were quadrants which would always fit together shakily, it was how Bella and I would fit together after this that now filled my mind.

Eventually, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper walk off, and Alice follow behind. And with a deep sigh, Bella descended the grand staircase, her red gown billowing around her. Swallowing hard, I met her at the bottom landing and offered her murmured apologies thick with remorse, so pitiful I couldn't even meet her eyes.

"I…apologize, Bella. I know you've never wanted a scene like that, so similar to…and especially with our baby right up…" Exhaling heavily, I raked a hand through my hair, while Bella stood silent. Finally, I forced myself to meet her eyes.

The nonjudgmental understanding and pure love I found in them rocked me to my core. I balanced unevenly on the balls of my feet until Bella took a step closer and angled her head upward, keeping our gazes locked.

"Do you feel better?" she asked.

When my brow furrowed, Bella smiled softly and cupped my cheek.

"Edward, you have better self-control than I used to have. Once, I wouldn't have cared who heard or saw; other people's feelings wouldn't have been my first concern – not even yours."

I blinked a couple of times then picked her up, pulled her against my chest, and wrapped her in my arms. Then, I buried my face in the crook of her neck. Because she was my haven.

"Bella, you never say or do what I expect you to, and it's just one of the many reasons why you and our son are my life."

"And you've got to protect your life. It's what you do, Edward. You protect. It's ingrained in you for so many reasons, and I'd never try to change you."

I nodded slowly, brushing my lips against her shoulder.

She pulled away enough to lock her dark, sparkling eyes on mine. "You haven't answered me, though. Do you feel better?"

"I do now."

"Good. Edward, every once in awhile, we have to reorganize our database and…shuffle around some files before those files make the entire system crash. It was time. Now, let's rejoin the party." She offered me another smile, and brushing her lips back and forth with mine, she whispered the rest against my mouth. "We have one another, we have our son, and our nephew has us. Let's move on with the rest of our lives."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Like I said, the final chapter should post before New Year's, but we shall see. If not, Happy 2020, my loves. May you live your best days yet. **

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**


	41. Chapter 40

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Happy 2020 everyone! I hope the decade has started out well for all of you. :)**

**So, those of you who've read me a bit know that I am, in all honesty, a wordy bitch. Especially when I'm trying to end a story. In my mind, I think everything I want to say will fit in one chapter...but then it doesn't.**

**So, Part II of this will post shortly. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

* * *

**Broken – Chapter 40**

**Part I: Life - It Isn't Always Fair…**

**Eight years after That Day:**

The bathroom door opened and out unfurled a cloud of gauzy steam that billowed into the bedroom like theatrical smoke heralding the evening's performance. Just as in such a performance, when the cloud cleared and dispersed, it revealed a gorgeous woman - wearing a towel around her head.

But she also wore a pair of black silk shorts and a tiny, matching tank top she tended to favor around the summer months. She usually wore this specific set once we were alone, with no company, with no one running underfoot, and when we were ready for more than sleep...because the shorts were _short_.

My eyebrows quirked upward.

Pretending to ignore me, Bella made her way to the dresser. She stood in front of the mirror, and when she pulled off the towel, out tumbled one of the best heads of dark hair - one of my favorite dark heads of hair - in existence. The long, dark and damp strands cascaded loosely down her back, water droplets trickling and skimming the swells of her ass before splattering onto the wooden floorboards. She shuddered; wet hair on her bare back was a sensation she abhorred, as I'd learned in the six years that we'd been together.

Six years. Damn. Hard to believe sometimes.

Then, she leaned sideways and proceeded to dry her hair, humming to herself, wringing out the strands with the towel while watching her progress through the dresser mirror. With hair that long and thick, it was an involved process. She kneaded the ends, then patted the roots before skimming the towel along the length. She did this over and over. All the while, I laid on our bed in my boxers with arms folded behind my head and fingers weaved together under the pillow, enjoying the show.

When her eyes, as equally dark and shiny as her hair, suddenly met mine through the mirror, I grinned.

"You sure stare at me a lot, Stranger."

I crossed my legs at the ankles. "I do."

Bella offered me a sultry smirk. "You'd better be careful. The last stranger who watched me that intently ended up with a broken nose."

I snorted to myself. Strange how some memories, once so acerbic that the mere hint of them made you flinch and grimace, took on a more bittersweet taste with the passage of time. In such cases, it was never the memory itself that changed. Instead, it usually meant that the person doing the remembering had either altered the memory in his or her mind...or the person had undergone such a massive transformation that it rendered the dark memory powerless.

"If I recall correctly, the stranger in question ended up with a broken nose for doing _more_ than just watching you. Besides, I'm not worried."

"No? You're a brave stranger." She quirked a teasing eyebrow.

"I don't know about that, but I've already lived through a broken nose, and I've discovered that it's a small price to pay for some privileges."

"Is it now?" Head tilted sideways, she stopped drying her hair and held my gaze, smiling softly. "Privileges such as?"

Now, that right there was the million dollar question. Exactly what privileges had my fascination with the one-time Isabella Hale earned me?

There was a time when I hid my fascination with Bella from her...when I hid a whole lot from her. At the time, I told myself I was doing so because after how we'd initially met - for lack of a better word - giving her the truth of who I was would've made it impossible for her to trust me. Those lies by omission didn't work out well. What's more, it took a while for me to realize that it was _my_ distrust, a distrust that had sprouted when I was very young, which led me down that road toward deceiving the person I loved most in the world. As for Bella, at the time, she'd had her own demons to exorcise. With the foresight that comes with hindsight, it was easy to see now how our initial encounters were doomed toward chaos.

_We_ were Chaos.

We were star-crossed.

But sometimes, there's self-organization to chaos. A meaning took root behind the seemingly meaningless; the random and tumultuous events which occurred not only in the first couple of years of Bella's and my relationship but in our separate lives before we even met turned out to be not so random. When we were _both_ ready to trust, a butterfly flapped its wings. Chaos morphed into beauty.

It morphed into our son, Masen.

Though, one can argue that the chaos remained. At five-years-old, Masen Edward Cullen was a handful…and a blessing we gave thanks for every day. No, our lives weren't smooth-sailing perfection. As I'd learned throughout the years, Life wasn't always fair.

But I'd also learned that Life wasn't always unfair.

For example, tonight was a common enough scene in our bedroom. Some might've even called it a random, mundane moment; nothing worth studying, becoming ruminative or grinning stupidly about. After all, what was the big deal with watching the woman you'd loved for eight years emerge from the bathroom on a Wednesday night, in her – and your – favorite pajamas, the ones where the back of the shorts rode over her ass cheeks and the tank top rode over her navel, drying her long, silky hair while the rest of the house slept peacefully, safely, and soundly?

It was the biggest of deals.

"Come here, Miss Swan."

Bella's eyes flashed to me, and though she shot me a wry, amused grin, it was those eyes that got to me.

"Miss Swan?" she echoed.

"Aren't we role-playing? Apparently, I'm _The Stranger_ again."

She chuckled, her eyes sparkling with mirth, and damn. Those eyes had gotten to me from Day One; so dark they were fathomless, with no end and no beginning, yet so profound that they were my haven. They were where I went whenever I needed to center myself, when I needed to find my way. Bella laughed whenever I said that as good-looking a boy as our son Masen was growing into, he'd gotten the royal shaft when he hadn't inherited her eyes.

'_Why would you say that?' she'd asked the first time I'd noted our son's misfortune._

_'Because those dark, hypnotic eyes can ask for the world on a platter from me and would likely receive it.'_

_'And how do you think __**I**__ feel about your translucently green eyes?'_

And that...right there...was another prime example of how Life wasn't either all fair or unfair.

Right now, it was being more than fair to me as Bella slowly sauntered my way in those two flimsy pieces of material which honestly couldn't even be termed pajamas.

"That depends, Mr. Cullen. Are you or aren't you going to tell me what privileges a broken nose earned you?"

She kept me locked in her bewitching gaze, a gaze which overflowed with life, with passion, and with so much damn strength it was awe-inspiring. And for the handful of seconds it took her to reach the bed, I saw all those privileges - and the past few years of supposedly random, mundane, some good, some not-so-good, and some bittersweet moments - reflected in their bottomless depths.

OOOOO

**Four and a half years earlier:**

"Are the boys in bed already?"

I nodded languidly as I leaned against the door frame to the Chicago hotel suite's large and luxurious bathroom, enjoying the sight of Bella relaxing in the jetted tub after a long day of book readings and signings. Foamy water bubbled and fizzed around her shoulders and knee caps, the spuming suds hiding everything else from the shoulders down from my sight. But I knew what awaited below, and it made me smile in anticipation.

It had been a long day in Chicago, with two separate and successful book promotion events that day alone. And while packed rooms and long lines of eager fans waiting hours upon hours to get their signed copies of Bella's latest book in her World War Two trilogy was a good thing, it also meant she was exhausted by the time it was over.

Nonetheless, after her workday was done, Bella was always eager for time with our family.

_Our_ family.

At the time, 'our family' was a difficult term to accurately define. In our hearts, and in increasing practice if not by law, three-year-old Jay and eight-month-old Masen were _both_ ours – being raised more like brothers than cousins.

But the fact was, they weren't _both_ ours.

And it was tough for us to reconcile with the fact that our increasing time with Jay came at the further deterioration of his home life with his parents. I hadn't seen Jasper again since the day a couple of months earlier when we'd argued heatedly at my parents' fortieth-anniversary party. After what Alice had overheard him say, she'd told him to get the fuck out of her apartment, and my parents had banned him from their apartment.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later, he'd been back at Alice's with his sorry-ass tail between his legs, with his miserable excuses and doe-eyed lies and bullshit promises at the ready, and Alice...took him back.

_'Why the hell does she continuously take him back?' I'd wondered, pacing back and forth and outraged on my nephew's behalf, who deserved so much better._

_'She's dug in her heels, Edward, and only Alice knows why,' Bella replied, 'and only Alice can decide when and if it'll ever end. All we can do is be there for Jay.'_

Because we'd both learned over the years that yes, a child was worth so many sacrifices.

Alice's compounding misery and her unwillingness to put an end to the mind-fuckery once and for all meant that whenever I asked to take Jay for the day…for the weekend…to Chicago with us for the week…Alice acquiesced with an impassivity that simultaneously relieved and infuriated me. So, he was with us in Chicago. I'd taken the week off, and we'd decided to turn the event into a mini family vacation.

"The boys were having a ball looking down at Millenium Park through the hotel windows, but yeah, they're in bed now."

Bella chuckled softly, languidly swatting a piece of foam over her leg. "You'd think we didn't just spend hours with them down there. But those are my boys – forever distracted by the views through windows."

I snorted as I made my way to her. "Jay was yelling in excitement, watching people splash around the fountain. And you should've seen Masen, eyes all round and curious." I took a seat on the tub's ledge, slid a hand over the water's surface to measure its warmth...and kept it there. "He kept jumping on my leg, reaching for the fountain through the windows, talking his gibberish, and looking back and forth between me and the fountain."

"He was asking you to take them back down."

"I know."

"How could you resist him?"

"Had his eyes been dark brown like yours, I probably wouldn't have been able to."

When Bella flung a handful of bubbles at me, I jerked back and chuckled.

"Ass. I love that he's the spitting image of you."

I loved it too, and Bella knew I did. But I enjoyed teasing her about it.

Leaning forward again, I pushed a damp tendril of hair, which had come loose from the bun she'd made to keep her hair up, behind her ear. And as I continued, my fingers remained in her hair and my eyes on the way the damp strands caught the light in the bathroom.

"Meanwhile, Jay kept asking me about The Bean, what it's made of, what it means, asking me all sort of questions about the rest of the Chicago skyline."

Bella grinned. "He sure loves tall structures. Remember yesterday's fascination when I bought that framed picture at the garage sale, the one with the quote about not being afraid to climb mountains because of the beauty of the meadow on the other side?"

"He spent the next hour quizzing us on mountains."

We both chuckled quietly. Then Bella sighed. "After a whole week with him, Masen's going to have a hard time understanding why Jay isn't around all the time anymore once we get home."

I watched her silently, still playing with her hair. "And you're going to have a hard time, too."

She swallowed hard and whispered. "Yeah."

"I am too, baby. Sometimes I can't help wondering if we're making things worse for him, and for ourselves and Masen...and for Alice for that matter by taking him for longer and longer periods of time. I mean..." - exhaling a long breath, I pulled back and raked a hand through my hair - "by finally talking about it with you and with a therapist, I've realized that the way my parents handled the entire situation with Alice was...fucked up, in more than one way. But are _we_ doing things right for Jay now?"

She didn't answer right away. When she did, she took my hand and weaved her wet, soapy fingers through mine. "I don't know, Edward. I honestly don't."

We were both quiet for a long moment. The thick gauzy bubbles fizzled and popped around her.

"By the way, speaking of that old, beat-up frame, you're not actually considering hanging it up in our apartment...are you?"

This time, I received two handfuls of suds flung at my crotch. I roared with laughter, and when the laughter died down, I patted off the excess suds from my pants.

"I'm only forgiving you for that one because you got the boys in bed nice and early."

"Mm." Yes, we'd changed the subject, but it was a subject which, at that moment, had no clear answer. "And do I get a reward now?"

"You know what they say, Edward. Goodness is its own reward."

"Ahh, I see. In that case, I'll just go watch some TV until-"

"Get in here, Stranger."

She fisted my shirt and pulled me into the tub so quickly that half of the tub's water spilled out with a loud splash while Bella and I laughed hard...and kissed harder.

OOOOO

**A couple of months later:**

"Mack and Emmett looked great at the engagement party tonight, didn't they?"

Bella's voice was full of excitement for two of the most deserving and important people in our world. Yet even her happy thoughts couldn't completely disguise the note of anxiety in her voice tonight.

"They sure did."

"Mack was beaming, and Emmett was so thrilled, he only told one, maybe two stories all night."

"Of course he's thrilled. Mack's finally making an honest man out of him."

When Bella turned her head and offered me a smirk over her shoulder, I snickered and gave her a wink. We were laying on the couch, with the lights off, the TV on low, and Bella propped between my legs while we relaxed after a long, loud, boisterous, and enjoyable engagement party.

When she turned back around, she continued the conversation in a teasing tone.

"You should feel sorry for Emmett, Edward. There goes his freedom. He's gonna have the old ball-and-chain holding him down now."

"The old ball-and-chain, huh? We're talking about Mack, right?"

"You don't know her the way I know her," she said in mock seriousness. "That title's going to go straight to her head. There go the boys-nights-out, the poker nights, the let's-go-grab-a-beer-after-work nights."

I nodded with the same bogus severity. "Hmm. All because Mack's going from being his girlfriend to being his wife. And _poker nights_ – did you just get that from the movie we're watching?"

"The point is, within a year of their wedding, Mack 'll be hinting to Emmett that it's time he got rid of that man-bun because it doesn't suit a married man. And those stories he tells? She loves them now, but mark my words; soon, she'll find them too immature for a married man."

"Wow. I never realized Mack was so devious."

When she turned again, I could tell she was trying hard not to laugh.

"Obviously, it's not Mack, per se, Edward. It's the whole marriage thing. Watch; soon you'll be thanking your lucky stars that you've got a _girlfriend_ as opposed to a _wife_."

"I see. Because I'll get to keep my nonexistent man-bun and continue attending nonexistent poker nights with the boys."

"Exactly."

"Exactly."

She shrieked when I hit her with a couch pillow. But when I flung the pillow to the floor and leaned in closer, she moved in quickly and pressed her lips to mine, hard...and apologetic.

"Edward, you know I love you with my entire being, right?"

At the time, we both knew I would've happily given Bella the one title that encompassed all other titles: girlfriend, mother of my son, lover, best friend, companion, partner, etc. But we'd both been children of bad marriages. We'd both heard and seen things no child should ever hear or see between their parents' love triangles. In my case, what I'd seen had kept me at arm's length of anything approximating a true relationship for a long time. In Bella's case, she'd grown up and married into an even worse marriage than that of her parents'.

So I understood why she wasn't ready, and why, perhaps, she'd never be ready. And yes, though it made some moments bittersweet, such as attending Emmett and Mack's engagement party, I knew Bella's difficulties with the concept of marriage had nothing to do with her love for me. And it wasn't as if it was keeping us from moving forward.

"I do happen to know that. Which is why I keep you around as my girlfriend, as the mother of my son," – flipping us over so that her back was on the long end of the couch and I hovered above her, I punctuated each title with a kiss – "as my lover, as my best friend, as my companion and partner in all things, etcetera, etcetera."

She chuckled softly. "Thanks for keeping me."

"Any time. And by the way, meeting Brady tonight was also interesting."

Bella pursed her lips. "Was it? It couldn't have been as interesting as meeting your ex-girlfriend, Katie-"

"Kate," I chuckled, correcting her and feeling my face heat because I'd only ever called her Katie during our more...intimate moments.

"Whatever -when I was seven months pregnant, on a hot, summer day when we were running errands, and I hadn't even changed out of my ratty shorts and tee-shirt from the night before. And by the way, thanks again for introducing us when I looked about as swollen as a beach ball."

I threw back my head and laughed heartily. "First, how was I supposed to know we were going to bump into her? Second, you looked as amazing as you always do, and Kate was thrilled to meet you, as evidenced by the autograph she hinted for, which by the way, she never received."

I quirked a brow, and Bella snorted. "It's her own fault she didn't get an autograph - for ogling you so openly."

"Unlike Brady," I grinned, "who worked so hard to keep his eyes off of you tonight it was almost comical, especially since he shot me some serious evil eye all night."

Bella's back arched from the force of her chortles. Shoulders still shaking with mirth, she grinned up at me.

"Edward, the reason Brady wasn't looking at me is because he's moved on. He's married again, and now he's just another guy tied down by another ball-and-chain."

"These balls and chains are everywhere."

"Bet you Katie was one."

"_Kate_. And you're bad."

"Whatever." She snorted. "And if Brady was giving you any sort of evil eye, it was more likely because he was envious of how amazingly good-looking you are since _you_ aren't cursed with a wife."

"Is _that_ what it was? Because I'm man enough to admit he's not a bad-looking guy himself."

Bella turned over and straddled me, while I slid my arms around her hips.

"Brady may be good-looking," she shrugged, "but he doesn't have this head of copper hair that I love pulling." Leaning closer, she raked a hand through my hair and fisted it at the crown, and yeah, every nerve-ending in my body came alive – some nerve-endings more alive than others. "And he doesn't have these translucently green eyes I adore and that I thank God Masen inherited." Her lips brushed one eye, then the other before they skimmed down to my nose…to the bump I'd had for a few years by then. "And unluckily for Brady," she breathed, "he doesn't have this perfectly imperfect, character-building nose that means the world to me for all it represents."

I quirked a brow as she pulled away and held my gaze.

"But what Brady always lacked the most, Edward, was your ability to get me, to know exactly what I need, and when I need it. You weren't _really_ jealous of Brady, were you?"

"Who, me? _No_. No. Of course not. Not at all." I smirked, but then I cradled her face, while the city lights streamed in through the windows, their reflection dancing in her dark eyes, and I pulled her closer, brushing my lips back and forth against hers.

"Are we done with the distractions?" I murmured. "Calmed down a bit?"

She smiled softly.

"See? You knew the entire time I was talking nonsense because I'm nervous."

"You always talk nonsense when you're nervous."

"Ass."

I chuckled. But no, it wasn't a mundane moment at all.

"Edward…baby, are we…are we really going to try this tonight?"

"Only if you're sure."

She nodded, completely solemn eyes on mine. "I'm ovulating…"

"And we're on our couch."

"We're practically halfway there."

We both chuckled nervously then held one another's gaze. "Bella, if it doesn't work, don't forget what we've discussed about other options."

She slipped her hands through my hair and gripped the short ones at my nape, locking me in her gaze. The moment stretched out between us, one of those butterfly moments, though we still didn't know where it would take us. I pushed a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. When she spoke, the adrenaline now coursing through her made her whispered words shaky and uneven. Yet the conviction in them was loud and indisputable.

"Masen was a miracle, I know, and if it doesn't happen again this way…" she smiled broadly, "we have options…and we have him…and we have one another…Now, Mr. Cullen," she breathed against my mouth, "spill those great, fucking swimmers inside me."

I grinned. "Like you said, we're practically halfway there."

OOOOO

**A few months later:**

"Ready?"

We leaned side by side on the edge of the bathroom sink. Bella met my eyes with a look of hopeful anticipation made all the more intense by the past few months. My heart raced, and as soon as I nodded, Bella drew in a deep breath, grinned, and picked up the peed-on stick which awaited like an unpinned grenade. When the grin slowly faded and was replaced by a look of utter disillusionment that deepened with every passing month, my racing heart came to a sudden stop.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest. "Bella."

For a long while, we stood silently, gathering strength and support from one another, until Masen's fourteen-month-old gibberish filled the monitor.

"Mama! Dada!"

Bella pulled back and tossed the test into the garbage bin, but I held on to her shoulders.

"Edward, Masen's awake."

"I know, but Bella, maybe we should discuss-"

"Mama!"

Her eyes remained stoically on my chest, her words quick and uncharacteristically curt. "Masen needs his dinner, Edward. Then he needs some playtime so he won't be overexcited or overtired for tonight's book event."

She pulled away and turned toward the bathroom door, and I reached for her hand, sliding my fingers through hers. Gently yet firmly, I tugged her back toward me.

"Bella, stop."

"Edward, you stop."

She shook her head, eyes still on my chest, and when I placed two fingers under her chin, I met a pair of glassy eyes and a quivering bottom lip that made my heart clench.

"Babe…maybe we should start considering our other options."

"Edward…" she choked, "I know this is my fault. I know I've failed you and let you down-"

"_What_?" I spat, my eyes bulging.

"Dada!"

She blurted the rest in a long, powerful string of words, which even as I tried to interrupt, just kept coming and coming as if the words and the negative emotions attached to them had simply become too much for her to bear. And I was so damn glad she let it out.

"I'm the one with the problem; you're the one with the great fucking swimmers, so it's obviously all me. Plus, I was asking for too much and getting my hopes up too high-"

"Bella-"

"-and after all, we already have Masen, who's the biggest gift we could've ever received-"

"Bella-"

"-and Jay is more like our son than our nephew, and we have one another, and our careers, and-"

"Mama!"

"Bella, stop."

"-and I know I was asking for too much from Life because our lives are amazing as they are. I mean, _why_ was I being greedy and hoping for another-"

"Bella, damn it, _stop_." I hissed the words fiercely and caged her face firmly between my hands so that her mouth was forced to stop moving, all the while commanding myself to continue this in an even tone, not to lose my head over all the...nonsense she'd just spewed, to think reasonably despite the pain in her eyes and the agony that pain caused me.

"Listen to me. First, you haven't let me down at all. I feel like _I'm_ the one failing you because yeah, with my supposedly great fucking swimmers, I should've been able to get you pregnant by now."

"_What_? Edward, what kind of convoluted reasoning-"

"Mama! Dada!"

Through the monitor we had in the bathroom, we could hear and see Masen, who was now sitting up in his crib, talking to himself and entertaining himself by exploring his chunky fingers and toes.

"Bella, obviously, you and I have been misunderstanding one..ahh, Jesus." I leaned against the wall and pulled Bella along with me, chest against chest. "Baby, do you remember the day in the coffee shop, before you were a world-famous author," I smiled softly, "when you first told me about your agent, Jessica Stanley, and how she'd arranged a meeting for you with some publishers, but you had no idea who those publishers were?"

Bella nodded slowly. "I remember that day more as the day you and I finally began working things out, when you confessed you'd fallen in love with me That Day in the lobby."

"Yeah," I breathed. "There was that too. But do you remember what else I told you?"

Her brow furrowed, and she shook her head.

"You said you had no idea where it would all lead, but you didn't want to get your hopes up too much…" I swallowed, "because you weren't the type of person who dealt well with disappointment."

"And you asked me if I planned to go through the rest of my life without getting my hopes up too high…"

"Because that wasn't the Bella Swan I'd come to know and love. The Bella Swan who'd faced and overcome so many obstacles. Bella, we're _not_ asking for too much, and neither of us has failed the other. Matter of fact, why do we have to see this as a failure? Maybe it's just a small obstacle to our end goal."

"A hill to scale."

"Exactly," I smiled. "Maybe...we've just become tunnel-visioned in the way we're going about this, but that doesn't mean we should stop hoping, _ever_," I stressed. "I just don't want the stress of this to begin affecting our health or our relationship."

She held my gaze silently...and nodded.

"I think we've _both_ forgotten that this is just one avenue, my love, one chapter as you've told me a brilliant psychologist once told you. We have other avenues, other options, and so many more chapters before us, and…I think you've forgotten that _I'm here_ with you as your partner to explore them all, no matter where those avenues or chapters lead."

For a few seconds, Bella studied me intently. Then, she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, molding her entire body against mine.

"This time _is_ different because I'm _not_ alone, am I?"

Holding her against me, I breathed into her hair. "No, Bella. You're not alone at all."

"Mama! Dada!"

Our titles were followed by more unintelligible gibberish that we couldn't understand but which obviously meant something serious to Masen. When he stood in his crib and began banging on the railing, Bella and I chuckled and straightened.

"I think we've just been violently cursed out," I smirked.

"I think so too." She drew in a deep breath, released it, and smiled, her eyes no longer full of so quite so much disappointment. "We'll figure it out Edward, both of us together. But for now, we'd better go get our son before he calls us more names in his gibberish."

OOOOO

**A few weeks later:**

"All right, guys, I have good things to report, so we'll go through this part quickly. Edward, the results of your Semen Analysis confirm that you have impressive sperm."

"Oh, brother." Bella chuckled, but I could hear the relief in her voice even as it flooded through me.

Bella and I sat across from Doctor Laurent, our fertility specialist. We held hands and practically vibrated with the anxiety we'd admittedly been feeling since I'd ejaculated into a cup - and to some great mental images of Bella riding me hard.

"You have a very high sperm count," Doctor Laurent continued, professionally unfazed by Bella's aside, "over three hundred million sperm per milliliter, and while a high sperm count doesn't necessarily signal a high chance of fertility, it can't hurt." She snickered before clearing her throat and continuing in a much more clinical manner. "The liquefaction factor of your semen was also very good, as it changed from a gel to a liquid in under fifteen minutes. The morphology of the semen was low, also a good indicator. The motility and velocity of the sperm were admirable."

"_Admirable_ sperm," Bella nodded. "Guess that goes right along with great fucking swimmers," Bella muttered. But she was grinning broadly…and somewhat smugly.

"What was that?" Doctor Laurent asked.

"Nothing, Doctor," I replied, straight-faced, but I may have squared my shoulders just a bit. "Please. Continue. You were up to admirable sperm."

"Yes. The pH balance is within normal limits, and your total semen value, which is the amount of semen a person ejaculates at a time, is at the higher range of normal." Doctor Laurent shut her laptop and knit her hands together over her desk.

"All in all, guys, these are wonderful indicators, and not completely unexpected based on the history you've shared. Isabella, your ex-husband and you tried to have a child for a couple of years, both normally and through intrauterine insemination, correct?"

"Yes, Doctor. We received infertility counseling, where it was discovered that I had abnormally hard-shelled eggs. But my ex-husband's sperm was normal, so we attempted IUI for six cycles, and then we stopped because the cost became prohibitive, and my ex-husband lost interest."

Doctor Laurent nodded, and while the reminder of Jasper Hale and his unending acts of selfishness made my nostrils flare, I reminded myself that had they succeeded, Bella and I would likely not be here. And neither would Masen...or the future child we were hoping for.

"And when you and Edward became sexually involved," the doctor continued, "you had intercourse for one cycle before you became pregnant with your son. Correct?"

"Correct, Doctor," I said. This time, I may have puffed out my chest a couple of inches.

Doctor Laurent watched me, her lips twitching before she cleared her throat yet again and turned her attention to Bella.

"The fact is, Isabella, your condition will always make conception difficult."

When I felt Bella stiffen at my side, I squeezed her hand hard, while all my self-satisfaction from a moment earlier disintegrated.

"Then we'll adopt," I said simply.

But Doctor Laurent put a hand up, palm out. "Let me finish, guys, because you two couldn't have met a more perfect partner with whom to attempt conception. Isabella, from the records that were sent over, I see that your ex-husband's sperm was within the _lower_ range of normal limits. Combined with your fertility difficulties and with the clinical depression you suffered at the time, which affected both your mental and physical health, it meant that his sperm simply wasn't strong enough to overcome all those obstacles. Whereas now, you're in a strong, stable relationship, you're in good physical _and_ mental health, and your partner's sperm is basically the Hercules of sperm."

Though the doctor finished straight-faced, when I looked over at Bella, I couldn't even fight the smug grin. "The _Hercules_ of sperm. Wait 'til I tell Emmett that one."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'll never hear the end of it."

Even the doctor laughed. "So here's what I recommend," she said once sobered. "You can continue trying to conceive normally. Edward's sperm is fast and strong, and it _could_ happen, as evidenced by your son."

"But?" Bella asked.

"But lightning doesn't tend to strike the same place twice, not even the strongest lightning. And to be perfectly honest, even the fact that it struck that once is pretty amazing. Providence must've been smiling down hard on both of you; the stars were in the right alignment; everything added up perfectly; the egg you ovulated was just ripe for fertilization; your sperm was in fighting mood that month-"

"A butterfly flapped its wings," I grinned.

"Exactly," Doctor Laurent nodded. "And physiologically, Isabella, though you're in great health, you're _just_ at that cut-off age where conception simply becomes more difficult by nature. In my professional opinion, I wouldn't recommend leaving it to chance."

"So, what _would_ you recommend, Doctor?" Bella asked eagerly. "IUI again?"

"Well, we can always try IUI again, which means we'd insert Edward's sperm directly into your uterus. But that procedure is recommended more in cases where the sperm needs help getting to the eggs. In your ex-husband's case, the extra help was justified. In Edward's case, the sperm would almost definitely reach the eggs with no problem."

"It's breaking through the outer shell that's the problem," Bella said.

"Exactly."

I gave Bella's hand another squeeze.

"Though Edward's sperm penetrated one of your eggs, as I said before, it must've fought hard. So, I suggest we make things a bit easier by injecting the sperm directly into your eggs."

"You mean in-vitro?" I asked.

Doctor Laurent nodded. "Yes. In-vitro. It's a more invasive form of fertility treatment."

"Would it be safe for Bella and her eggs?" I asked.

Doctor Laurent nodded. "It's a safe procedure, and the success rate is double that of IUI, and with a little luck, her eggs and your sperm will form a viable embryo."

"It's also much more expensive than IUI," Bella pointed out. "Plus the medications and the monitoring…at the time, I was only able to afford one cycle."

"It can be cost-prohibitive," Doctor Laurent acknowledged, "especially if it doesn't take on the first cycle. Unfortunately, life isn't always fair."

I swept my eyes to Bella. "But neither is it unfair."

Bella drew in a deep breath and offered me a tentative smile. "No. It's not."

"We're lucky, Bella."

"We are."

After a few moments, the doctor clapped her hands and reclaimed our attention.

"All right, guys. Let's schedule you in and see what happens!"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you for the finale soon!**


	42. Chapter 41

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.**

**Final epilogue to follow tomorrow.**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.**

**Chapter 41, Part II: Life – Neither is it Unfair.**

* * *

**Four-and-a-half-years after That Day:**

"Okay, how does this sound?"

Bella and I sat side-by-side in bed with our respective laptops on our laps and our thighs brushing against one another under the sheets. By then, working in bed together was yet another of those commonplace scenes. That night, I read Bella the beginning of the letter we'd meticulously crafted together for the past hour or so.

"Director Clearwater, for the past twelve years, I've had the honor of being a part of the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), an organization whose primary goal of restoring, maintaining, and improving both the physical and mental well-being of the general public has been in direct correlation with my own lifelong goals. It's a goal that the CDC has always carried out with integrity and with focus, all while utilizing the most advanced medical, technical, and ethical health developments at its disposal. In working toward our goals-"

"Replace _working_ with _striving._"

"In _striving_ toward our goals, I've been fortunate to work alongside-"

"Replace _fortunate_ with _privileged._"

When I gave her a sidelong glance and caught her biting her left thumbnail bed, Bella chuckled.

"What difference does it make, right? You're composing a resignation letter so that you and Em can start your own consulting firm. They'll be too devastated by the fact that they're losing you both to care whether you say 'fortunate' or 'privileged'."

Leaning in closer, I pulled her thumb away from her mouth and brushed my lips against hers.

"My loquacious wordsmith. What would I do without you?"

"You'd finish a resignation letter much quicker."

"That might be true." With a snicker, I returned to the letter. "Okay. 'I've been _privileged_ to work alongside a host of talented and dedicated individuals as well as to learn from some of the foremost leaders and innovators in medical, technical, and ethical health developments. Therefore, it's with sincere gratitude for the trust that's been placed in me throughout my tenure that I now tender my resignation, etcetera, etcetera.'"

"That's perfect." Bella nodded her approval. "Really perfect. It might be the best damn resignation letter ever written."

"If it is, it's because you helped me with the wording."

She offered me a wry grin. "You were writing great, wordy documents long before you met me."

Shutting my laptop, I set it aside on my nightstand, then reached for Bella's laptop and did the same.

"Hey, I wasn't done!"

"You need your rest."

"Oh, brother. Here we go again with the overabundance of caution."

Turning off the table lamp, I spun around and yanked Bella by the legs, splaying her out on the mattress. Her shrieks turned to giggles as I hovered above her, all the while mindful of supporting most of my weight on my forearms. When I searched her eyes, her giggles subsided, and I was encircled by warmth and a sense of being understood that I'd only ever felt when locked in that bottomless gaze. City lights filtered through our windows and reflected their brilliance in her dark pupils, pupils that already shone with a luminosity all their own. What resulted was the most intense sparkle in those eyes. My haven. And my instinctive draw to them, whenever I needed to center myself, was another commonplace yet far from the mundane scene. Bella's fingers tenderly raked the hairs at my forehead while she patiently waited.

"Bella..." I murmured, "apart from _writing_ a kick-ass resignation letter…am I actually _doing_ the right thing?"

She placed a warm hand on my bare chest, and her reply was quick as if she'd known all along what the question would be.

"If it feels right in here, then it's the right thing."

"But the timing-"

"Edward, you and Emmett have considered this for years. You've been planning toward it for months. It's not a sudden whim. Back when I agreed to adapt my book into a screenplay for the film version of _Gemma_, we knew it would entail a year-long move to London for the movie shoot. At the time, we agreed it would be the ideal time to move forward with your career plans as well."

"That was _before_ we moved forward with our other plans."

"Why should one plan exclude the other?"

I hung my head and shook it back and forth. "Maybe I should've just taken time off from the CDC, instead of using the temporary move to London as an excuse to quit my job and start all over now. _Now_."

When I met Bella's gaze again, she was smiling. "What better excuse would there have ever been, Edward? We're at one of those crossroads, where a butterfly flaps its wings."

Sighing, I raked an uncertain hand through my hair and kept it there, gripping a fistful tightly. Bella reached up, and much as I'd done with her raw thumb a short while earlier, she replaced my hand with her own. And though she pulled as I'd been pulling, her tugs were much less brutal and all the more soothing.

"I love this sexy head of copper hair too much to risk losing it to a misplaced episode of second-guessing yourself."

"How can I not second-guess myself? Bella, we're going to have a lot going on for the next few months; maybe too much, considering the...the..."

Bella quirked a brow. "The_ pregnancy_?"

"_Yes_. The pregnancy." I released a long breath.

The IVF had required a few months of preparation, of cycle monitoring, of fertility drugs. In the meantime, we'd carried on with much of our lives as usually as possible. Once we were settled and everything was in place, Bella and I had gone into the IVF clinic…and two anxious weeks later, we'd sat in Doctor Laurent's office and learned...

We'd learned that one embryo and one cycle of IVF was all we'd needed. For about half-a-minute, I'd admittedly been more than a bit smug about my so-called Herculean sperm - until I realized everything we were going to have occurring while this pregnancy was in full swing.

"Let me ask you something, Edward, and be honest. Do you think I should've turned down the opportunity to work on the screenplay and the shoot in London because of the pregnancy?"

I shook my head, no hesitation in my reply.

"No, Bella. Of course not. We consulted the specialists. They assured us that a move to London won't increase any risks as long as we wait until you're in your second trimester to travel, and as long as you receive proper prenatal care as soon as we get there as well as throughout the pregnancy. We've already been in touch with the best perinatologists in London. You'll only be on set once or twice a week. Charlie's over the moon and plans to come stay with us for a while. Rose and Vera, as well as Mack and Em are carving out time to come stay with us. With Masen still so young, it's not as if he'd miss anything here, and Vera, as a pediatrician, agrees that Mase will settle in with no problems." Swallowing, I paused for a moment.

"Jay..." Bella breathed.

"Jay...on the other hand…"

Bella's tugs on my hair were now a bit more absently forceful and anxious. A series of successive sighs escaped her. When she spoke again, her voice wasn't as sure or calm as it'd been a moment earlier.

"Unlike Masen, Jay _is_ at an age where he'll soon begin remembering what he sees…and what he hears - the constant fights and yelling and screaming. His home life isn't getting any better, and his parents refuse to acknowledge the damage it can cause him."

"Selfish asses."

"Edward, do you think they'll agree when we ask them to let us take Jay to London for the year?"

I drew in a deep breath and released it through suddenly flared nostrils. Talk of Alice, and even more, of Jasper, always served to rile me.

"It fucking infuriates me to say this, but I honestly don't think his father will give a shit, one way or another. The spineless, indecisive asshole that he is, he'll leave the decision to Alice. I swear to God if he would've made it upstairs into the bedroom the day of my parents' party-"

"Edward, that was over a year ago, and all he would've gotten for his trouble would've been his ass handed to him by _me_ before he got it kicked by _you_."

A mirthless chuckle escaped me. "As for Alice, she needs to see that this can be an opportunity for her as well. It's an opportunity to get herself together and figure out her priorities, all while knowing that Jay is being loved and cared for right."

For a long while, we remained silently locked in one another's gaze.

"Edward, _are_ we doing right by him?"

It was a difficult question, one which we asked ourselves often lately. Unfortunately, it was also one for which we still hadn't determined a straightforward answer. There were _so_ many variables...so many ways to mess up a kid, as Bella and I knew only too well. Raising kids was a daunting task, full of trial and error, even when you had the best of intentions. On the other hand, when you were too distracted by your own misery...

"If they say no, Edward, I don't know that we can leave him for a full year."

Bella's breath caught, and unable to provide her any reassurances, I lowered my mouth to hers and gently brushed our lips together.

"Let's take it one step at a time. We'll set up a meeting with Alice and Jasper, where we'll explain to them, calmly and rationally, why we think it would be a good idea for Jay to come with us to London. And if they say no...there are other, more formal and official avenues we can explore, Bella."

"She would never forgive you - or your parents if they back us as they say they will."

"That _can't_ be my main concern."

"I know," Bella whispered. After a while, she exhaled a long breath. "We'll meet with them and offer to take Jay to London so that they can get their shit together once and for all," Bella nodded, "though, of course, we'll bite our tongues and lay it out in less-offensive terms."

I snorted. "I'll leave the synonyms to you."

She smiled. "Okay, and Edward? This is an opportunity for everyone, babe – even for Jasper and your sister. So, _why_ shouldn't it be an opportunity for you? Why should _you_ hold back on your dreams? You're like me, Edward; we love what we do, and it helps us remain sane and focused when Life gets a bit hectic."

And that…was why _she_ was my haven and my focus.

"Where would I be without you, Bella?" I breathed.

She grinned impishly. "Like we agreed, you'd probably be finishing resignation letters quicker - and you'd probably be stuck with some old ball-and-chain somewhere. Maybe Kate, the tall, blond dentist; or Maria, the tiny, exotic scientist; or Lauren, the woman who didn't vaccinate her son. Ouch!" She yelped when I bit her lip.

"Definitely _not _Lauren, the woman who didn't vaccinate her son."

She chuckled heartily before yanking my forearms and toppling me over her.

OOOOO

"He's not going to London with you, Bella, if that's where this is going. He's _my_ son, not yours. So, if you're planning on playing Little Miss Movie-Maker in _jolly, old England_," Alice said, putting on a mock British accent, "pack up your family and give my J.J. a big kiss goodbye because you won't see him until you return."

I gripped and pulled hard on the ends of my hair.

We'd set up a meeting with Alice and Jasper and waited for them at the coffee shop where Bella and I once met – or rather, re-met. When Alice finally showed, she was alone, and almost a half-hour late because she and Jasper had gotten into another fight. Unfortunately, she was in full battle mode. As had been the case since we were young, her go-to instinct of going on the offensive instantly set me on the defensive. When she went on her rampage against Bella, all my good intentions of laying things out calmly and rationally flew out the window.

"Do me a favor, and watch how you speak to Bella," I hissed. "She's never done a thing to you for you to speak to her that way."

"She once back-handed me!"

"Edward, it's fine. I can handle my-"

"After all the shit you've pulled, you've got the nerve to bring up that back-hand?"

"The hell with you _and_ with her, Edward."

"That's your go-to attitude for everything, isn't it, Alice? That's why your life is such a disaster right now."

"Edward-"

"Don't tell me about my life! As if you ever took the time to know me well enough to tell me about my life."

"Alice-"

"I've known you all your life, Alice, and you're nowhere near as complicated as you think you are. You've been nothing but a spoiled brat since you were-"

"Edward-"

"Here we go with Mister Perfect's lecture, only now he's got Miss Perfect along for the-"

"Alice-"

"What the hell did I just tell you about watching what you say about Bella?"

"_Both_ of you, stop this," Bella hissed. Her eyes. flashed from Alice to me and back. "This back and forth is getting us nowhere productive, and we're here to discuss Jay and what's best for _him_ because regardless of _our_ differences, the three of us love him."

I took a handful of seconds to draw in a few calming breaths, while Bella took over dealing with Alice. All the while, I hated myself for losing my patience. But Alice had always known just how to push my buttons.

Now, for example, despite Bella's plea and reminder that we all remain calm and rational, Alice leaned across the table. Her eyes were two fiery flames, and her face was so close to Bella that for a moment, I feared that Alice would actually try to strike her. My instinct was to lunge in between them. However, before I could act, Bella squeezed my hand under the table and gave me an almost imperceptible shake of the head. It took every minuscule ounce of self-control I still possessed to remain still and silent while Alice ranted on.

"J.J. is my son. _Mine._" She dug a finger into her chest. "And you two think you can come in with your 'Aunt Bella' and 'Uncle Edward' and take him away from me? Why?" She sneered at Bella. "Because I took Jasper from you?" She narrowed her eyes accusingly my way. "Because our father slept with my mother?"

"This has absolutely nothing to do with either of those," I said as evenly as possible.

"Bullshit! _She_ wants to raise him because he's Jasper's son, so she can have the final win!"

Still unable to think straight when Bella was being attacked, I opened my mouth to retort. Bella squeezed my hand again, and instead of countering, I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"And you want to prove that I'm exactly the useless piece of shit you've always believed me to be."

In the short and loaded pause that ensued, I sensed that here...here I _was_ supposed to counter with something. But when moments stretched into seconds, Bella filled the awkward silence.

"Alice, that's not true. _None_ of that is true."

Alice expelled a bitter laugh. "At least some of it _is_ true, isn't it, big brother? That's why he can't refute it, why he can't even look at me. Even in his silence, he's painfully honest."

She spoke the last few words in a strangled voice, and when my eyes shot up to meet hers, I saw...a toddler.

A toddler with blond pigtails, hair more like her son's than I'd ever realized...than I'd ever allowed myself to see. We were on a beach, on a vacation day decades in the past, splashing around in the water. When I dunked her and pulled her up right away, she laughed hysterically.

'_Again, Edwahd! Again!'_

_'All right, Al, but hold on tight!"_

My brow furrowed...and I saw a six or seven-year-old who followed me from room to room.

'_Edward and Janey sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-'_

_'Al, she's not even my girlfriend.'_

Then there was a ten-year-old who glared at me angrily when I left for college.

_'You know, Al, you can call me sometimes. And I'll be home once in a while._

_'Whatever, Edward. I know you hate being here as much as I do, and I'm not calling you." She swiped angrily at her cheek. _

There was a defiant pre-teen, who grew into an obstinate, headstrong, and increasingly confrontational teenager.

_'Dad told me what happened with that boy in your school. He's shocked, Al, because you're barely sixteen, way too young for sex, and I swear to God if I ever find out where that kid lives-'_

_'Oh, please. First, w__e both know Dad has no right to be shocked by something like that. Second, you're hardly ever around, so s__pare me your bi-yearly, caring big brother act. That guy wasn't even my first.'_

There was a young adult who grew all the more rebellious.

_'They have a zero-tolerance policy, Alice! You were this close to getting kicked out of college, regardless of how much Dad paid to get you in!'_

_'Don't lecture me like you're Mister Fucking Perfect!'_

A young woman who emailed me articles she'd written for her first writing job and asked my opinion on them as compared to the articles her supervisor wrote.

_'Alice, your articles aren't half-bad. Now that you're an adult, if you're patient and pay your dues, perhaps one day you'll be promoted to head writer as well.'_

_'They're not half-bad, huh? What a compliment. Anyway, what the hell do you know about how the writing industry works? I don't even know why I asked your opinion.'_

"You bitch."

Alice's latest attack forced me out of my bewildered musings.

"Damn it, Alice-"

"Let me finish, Alice," Bella said while simultaneously giving my hand yet another squeeze. "Babe, please let me finish."

Contrary to every instinct, I allowed Alice's venomous vitriol to continue. And continue she did, with draining belligerence, sharp-tongued lashes, and no sign of relenting.

Except...her bottom lip abruptly began quivering. A tick started at her left eye then switched to the right then back to the left until she blinked both eyes excessively. When one, solitary tear managed to escape, she swiped at it furiously. Yet, the biting resentment and harsh accusations continued. When she opened her mouth, dark flames dancing in her eyes despite the tears, I knew her sharp tongue was poised to go in for the kill - the way it always did when she felt cornered and alone. _That_ was always when she struck with her worst.

_'...you hate being here as much as I do...'_

_'...the guy wasn't even my first...'_

_'...Mister Fucking Perfect...'_

_'...I'm two months pregnant!'_

"Al."

Two sets of very different eyes, one pair light, and one pair dark flashed to me. Around the small table, the three of us went perfectly still. In fact, in the space of those few seconds, after I called my sister by a nickname I hadn't called her...hadn't even thought of calling her in years, I would've sworn the entire coffee shop froze. The air itself ceased circulating. It evaporated and dissipated, leaving in its wake three inert bodies startled into an abrupt, mistrustful, uncertain, and momentary respite.

Alice leaned back heavily against her chair's backrest. When another and then another tear escaped, she didn't wipe them away.

And I drew in a deep breath, exhaling it over the table separating the three of us.

"Al…Bella and I, we don't want Jay to grow up knowing that his parents signed him over, because no matter how much love we ever give him, that'll always be a burden he'll have to live with. Al, you and I both know how those burdens our parents inadvertently place on us as children follow us through the rest of our lives. We don't want that for Jay. Like Bella said, if you keep us from taking him to London, let it be because you're ready for him, to make him your priority. Don't do it to perpetuate a situation that existed between us long before he was even born."

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Her words were thick and garbled when she spoke.

"Despite the monster you think I am-"

"I don't-"

"I love my son more than I've ever loved anyone in my life."

"I've never doubted that, Alice."

For one long moment, she held my gaze unflinchingly, then swallowed hard.

"You just question my capability to love enough."

OOOOO

**A couple of months later…**

On a crisp day in September, five years after That Day, four years after Bella and I met…re-met, we boarded a plane to London, England.

Jay had the window seat, Masen sat between Bella and me, and our daughter, whom Bella and I named Grace for all the blessings in our lives, traveled safely inside her mother.

While the pilots performed final flight checks and latecomer passengers shoved too-full carry-ons into over-packed, overhead bins, I took in the beauty of a life that wasn't always fair...but neither was it always unfair.

Masen took in all the action through observant and familiar green eyes.

"Da-ddy, we go bye-bye?"

He had a habit of splitting up the syllables in the word, but only when he called me, not his mom. It was one of those quirks I knew I'd always remember about my son's early years, even when he was forty.

"Yeah, my little man." I grinned and ruffled his dark copper hair. "We're going across a _biiig_ ocean to a new home for a bit."

He seemed to weigh that for a few seconds, his eyes scanning his immediate surroundings. "Mommy, Da-ddy, Jay, go with me."

The extrapolation was as much a statement as a request for reassurance.

"Yes, Masen," I said gently. "We're all going together."

"Don't forget our baby, Grace."

Jay stopped playing with the window shutter long enough to turn and take me in through blue eyes just like his father's. Still, they possessed an innocence I'd always protect. Jay's quirky habit was referring to his unborn cousin as 'our baby.' And just like Masen's quirks, it was one I'd always remember, even when my nephew was a grown man.

"Our baby, Grace, is coming with us, too. Right, Uncle Edward?"

I chuckled and reached out to ruffle my nephew's blond hair. "That's right, Jay. Our baby, Grace, is coming along too."

"Yay!"

The boys played together for a bit, while everyone settled in for the long, cross-Atlantic flight. I set the tub of disinfecting wipes conveniently within reach, sent out a few last-minute texts, and triple-checked the bag underneath the seat to make sure we had all the in-flight entertainment we'd planned for the boys as well as the two dozen pairs of ear plugs for our fellow passengers in case our planned entertainment failed.

Snorting to myself, and with all pre-flight preparations checked off, it hit me that Bella hadn't said much since we'd boarded. She was healthy, the pregnancy was healthy…and our boys were safe and sound and with us. Nonetheless, for a quick moment, I worried.

Weaving my fingers through hers, I waited for her to meet my eyes. The serene expression on her face set me at ease, but when she drew in a deep breath and released it in a series of successive sighs, my brow furrowed.

"You feeling okay?"

"Perfectly fine."

"No nausea?"

"Not right now…Edward…I was thinking…"

"What were you thinking?" I prompted when she paused.

Again, she sighed unevenly…and smiled radiantly. "When everyone comes to visit for Christmas…and we get married...let's hyphenate our surnames, okay?"

For a handful of seconds, I remained entirely immobile.

If I had to be completely honest, I'd begun to lose hope - if one could lose hope in something one dreamed of even while being perfectly happy. Regardless of how content we were with the current state of our relationship, there was a part of me which had always wanted to call her...my wife; to give her that title which encompassed all those other titles: girlfriend, mother of my children, lover, best friend, and partner in all facets of life.

And now, here we were, in the middle of a commonplace scene...yet, with that proposal, it was anything but commonplace.

As the shock wore off, a heady warmth took root at the tips of my toes and gradually made its way into every limb, every extremity, all the way up to the ends of my hair. It steadily thawed me, so that by the time it finished spreading, my mouth was able to form a smile so broad, my jaw ached, and I half-feared my face would split in two in front of the boys.

When I spoke, feigning a serene calm that I didn't feel, that smile and my shaking voice betrayed me.

"Okay, Bella. But why are you so quiet, love?"

It was a long moment before she replied. By the time she did, her smile had grown as unrestrained as mine. It spilled over with gratitude for a life that didn't always allow for such a brilliant smile. But sometimes, in those commonplace moments, it demanded them.

"I'm enjoying the beauty of the meadow on the other side."

With our hands and hearts entwined, I leaned around our son while our nephew held my other hand, and while Bella stroked her stomach with her free hand, and I kissed my soon-to-be ball-and-chain.

"It's a damn great meadow."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Facebook: Stories by PattyRose**

**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**Final Epilogue to follow tomorrow. :)**


	43. Epilogue

**A/N: See, what happened was, when I said "See you tomorrow" I really meant "See you Monday." ;)**

**LOL. No. This just took longer than I thought it would, as per usual for me. :)**

**Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.**

**This is marked COMPLETE.**

* * *

**Six and a half years after That Day:**

Bella and I took a hand in hand stroll through the first floor of our London townhouse while keeping an ear toward the backyard, where the kids were playing for the last time. Both pairs of eyes scanned our surroundings, each focused on a different part of the house that recalled a certain scene to mind. At the moment, I took in the entryway, which had always appeared bigger than it was, due to the large windows that allowed in plenty of light even on typically cloudy, London days. The generous windows were one of the features I'd appreciated about the drafty and somewhat awkwardly laid-out house from Day One.

I caught the way Bella's eyes focused on the bay window, the one in the front room with the window seat and the plush cushions. She always loved that bay window. It had a way of catching the morning rays, regardless of how weak they may have been, and reflecting their heat into every nook of that room. When Bella's smile became wistful, I imagined what she saw in her mind, and an image of her sitting there, nursing our newborn daughter, flashed through _my_ mind. Swallowing, I looked away.

Instead, I let my gaze wander up the first flight of three, steep flights of stairs. Bella's gaze moved in the same direction.

"Edward, do you remember when Jay and Mase tumbled down almost that full flight?"

"Oh yeah. And if I recall correctly, based on your ensuing, blood-curdling screams, you didn't find it quite so amusing at the time."

With the incident almost a year and a half behind us, Bella snickered at it easily now. "It was about a month after we moved in."

I nodded. "They'd been racing one another down the stairs again, just as we'd specifically warned them _not_ to do from Day One."

Bella snorted. "When we found them, they were in a piled heap at the bottom of the landing, Jay on the bottom and Mase on top of him, both of them holding hands and crying."

"And after we made sure they hadn't broken any bones, and that you weren't going into early labor from the fright, we gave 'em both the biggest scolding of their young lives."

She laughed. "You spent the rest of the night waking them every half hour to make sure they didn't have concussions."

"Needless to say, the disobedient little fuckers and I were in a great mood the next morning, with them punished, the three of us sleep-deprived, and without _you_," I growled, grinning, "who happily escaped to the movie studio for the day."

She offered me a mock look of apology. "But hey, at least the fall scared them enough to keep them from racing up and down the stairs."

"Yeah, it kept them from racing up and down those stairs for about _two weeks."_

We laughed hard at the memory. When our mirth subsided, I pulled her against my side and pressed my lips to her temple.

"Bella, we had a good year and a half here, didn't we?"

"We did, though it was interspersed with some…not so good. But that's how it goes, doesn't it?"

Filling my lungs, I looked around the house once more, expelling one of the last breaths I'd ever expel into the home that served our family for a couple of Christmases and for other American _and_ British holidays; for a few birthdays and for a birth, for a wedding and for a quick, honeymoon weekend jaunt to an English castle in the countryside; for visits from family and friends, for successful releases of new best-sellers and for the early days of a thriving new consulting partnership and venture; for first words, advanced words, and for the novelty of our older kids suddenly developing English accents; for museum visits and sightseeing and movie lot tours and award nominations...and for the occasional and unavoidable arguments, heartaches, and hardships.

While still in New York, the film studio sent us a swarm of emails and images of different living options for our extended stay in London. We'd chosen our temporary home based on a mutual desire for historical and cultural authenticity rather than for contemporary style and comfort.

_'It's a beautiful home, Bella, but I've heard that genuine Victorians can be drafty and a bit hard to maneuver with their numerous floors.'_

_'Yes, but the listing says that it's been remodeled with modern features while still keeping to its original Victorian charm. I'm sure it'll be fine.'_

When Bella laid actual eyes on the Victorian townhouse, she fell instantly in love.

It took me a bit longer.

The home was on a wide, tree-lined street and part of a row of terraced, white-stucco, nineteenth-century homes that were typical of that era as well as of the area, and embodied all the history its age and location implied. And just as nineteenth-century-constructed London homes tended to be, this house was built narrowly, with two or three rooms to a floor. It was also built high, with four stories and three separate staircases and an abundance of steep steps to climb and descend - though, in the past few years, an elevator had been added. And while I refused to take it, and the boys preferred to run up and down the stairs, I was grateful it was there for Bella's use, at least while she was pregnant.

_'Bella, I'm going for my daily run, and all I have to do is climb up and down these staircases. You need anything when I make my return trip, love?'_

_'Jay, Masen, slow down and hold on to the banisters. Only two more levels to go!'_

_'Bella, if you've got a late-night craving, let me know and I'll take the half-hour hike to the kitchen and get it!'_

Then, there were the fireplaces, one in almost every room, so that even when we lit a couple, there were more than what we (I) knew what to do with. They allowed a cool, London draft throughout the house, no matter how high we (I) set the central heating system. Combined with the typical high ceilings and large windows of Victorian-era homes, we (I) felt downright chilled to the bone some nights.

_'Jay, Mase, go put on some socks, guys. Yeah, Bella, no one knows better than me that you can't catch a cold from a cold floor, but Jesus, I'm freezing just looking at you three with bare feet.'_

_'Bella, love, do you want me to pass you a sweater? No? Are you sure? Maybe the baby's cold? Yes, I'm aware she's still in your stomach.'_

_'Come here, my love, and let me bury myself inside that warm, little piece of heaven since it **is** your fault I'm always cold. Ouch! I'm just joking, my love.'_

Obviously, there were benefits to the relative cold. However, despite the few quirks inside the house, the backyard was a hit with me from Day One. It was the epitome of an English garden, with stone pathways bordered by flowering bushes, paths where the boys could run free and wild with the occasional falls and skinned knees, and where Gracie eventually learned to crawl then chase after them. There was a small, shallow pond edged with trees, whose lush foliage reflected in the water and danced with its ripples.

It was in this garden, whose blooming, spring beauty was absent on the day after our first Christmas in London - Boxing Day in the UK - where Bella and I exchanged vows.

By then, she was almost seven months pregnant with our daughter, Gracie. With the garden blanketed in ivory snow, Bella looked like a Victorian-era queen, resplendent in the simple, white velvet set that Mom designed for her. The dress flared and fell to just below her knees, with ivory faux fur trim along the long-sleeved wrists and the collar. She wore white, patent leather, ankle boots, and the set was finished off with an ivory faux fur wrap for the outdoor portion of the ceremony. Bella left her dark hair cascading loosely down her back, which contrasted perfectly against the snow-covered surroundings. The boys and I wore dark, custom-tailored suits designed by my cousin, Jamie.

That was it.

Because it wasn't about the clothes, the party, or even the words we spoke while surrounded by family and friends. The vows were immaterial if not irrelevant. We'd already made one another those promises, while perhaps not in those actual phrases nor with an audience, years earlier. If anyone asked me now to recall the vows word for word, I wouldn't be able to do so beyond the obvious and commonly known richer, poorer, sickness, health, death do us part, etcetera.

But I recalled, with crystalline clarity, the brilliant expression on Bella's beautiful face as I recited my part and pledged my soul to her. And I could still _feel_ the pure pride, joy, devotion, and the riot of other, indescribable emotions that I felt when Bella recited her part...and became my wife.

I also recalled that we moved indoors as soon as the reverend pronounced us Mr. and Mrs. Cullen-Swan because it (I) was friggin' cold. We warmed up with an English wedding breakfast and enjoyed some great British fare including the cucumber sandwiches that Bella had fallen in love with, and all the Cornish cheese tarts, minced meat pies, Scotch eggs, and saffron buns in London. We toasted with champagne - sparkling grape juice for Bella - and after a few toasts, Jamie and I were ready to borrow the DJ's system and relive those glory days when we swore we'd grow up to be famous rappers. All the while, Jay and Masen cheered us on, and Bella covered her face and laughed. Then, we left it to the real entertainment while Bella and I shared our first dance as husband and wife.

Bella grinned radiantly. "So, how does it feel to be shackled to your very own ball-and-chain?"

"It's not bad, believe it or not." A little drunk and a lot over the moon, I gave her a playful wink and placed my hand just underneath her protruding midsection. "Maybe a bit heavy on the _ball_ part, but I think I can manage."

"Ass." She grinned as I carefully dipped her, and she lifted a patent-leather white boot in mid-air, eyes dancing with impish mirth. "Here's hoping you can handle me tonight, Mr. Cullen-Swan."

Brushing my lips against her neck, I whispered in her ear and enjoyed the shiver that ran up her spine. "The only problem I see about tonight is being able to wait 'til tonight to ravish you."

"Hey, _panita_, why don't you carry your pregnant wife up those three sets of stairs and get a room? Oh wait, you obviously already did! Hah!"

Everyone burst into laughter, and chuckling along, I lifted Bella back up as my eyes flashed to Emmett. He was a few feet away, dancing with his own pregnant wife and in his usual, boisterous manner, recounting some tale to all the fortunate couples surrounding them.

"Anyway, as I was saying, when she shoved her finger in my face, gyrated those gorgeous shoulders, and said, '_Ex-kee-use me, mister, you may be fine and all with your thick and dark man-bun and your half-Latino good looks, but that does not give you the right to listen in on my private phone conversations!_' I knew I was a goner!"

Mack threw back her head and burst out laughing. "Emmett, you liar! That's not what I said! What I said was, 'You better get your nose out of my business, buddy before I break it!'"

More laughter ensued, and all the while, I twirled Bella gently around.

"Edward, when did _you_ know you were a goner?"

"Subconsciously? Probably the moment when a beautiful, angry woman standing up for herself accidentally broke my nose. Consciously? It was my second night in Costa Rica, and my broken nose was aching like a fucker...yet it was the memory of that beautiful, angry woman standing up for herself that kept me awake."

We held one another's gaze.

"And you?" I asked.

"Subconsciously? Probably when a good-looking stranger with a slightly crooked nose walked into a coffee shop one day," - her dark eyes bored deeply into mine - "and passed me the cold coffee I'd forgotten to pick up...and forced my subconscious to remember how he stood by me on the hardest day of my life. Consciously? It was when I looked up one day, about a year later, and saw him on TV, giving the most technically accurate yet confusing as hell interview on a new flu strain, and I knew I could listen to his technical-speak for the rest of my life and never grow bored."

I snorted, our eyes locked on one another.

"Well, if we go by Emmett's continued exuberance, by his still-existing man-bun, by that long-winded best man toast he gave-"

"My God, it was like a mash-up of every story he's ever told, wasn't it?"

"-and by the fairy tale he's telling now, this marriage thing might not be as restrictive as has been rumored." I quirked a brow.

Bella chuckled heartily before resting her head on my chest. For a few seconds, I brushed my lips back and forth against her hair.

"Are you happy, Bella?" I murmured.

She didn't lift her head right away. When she did, the dark, sparkling eyes that met mine were all the answer I needed. Nonetheless, she expanded in that way only she knew and spoke with a fervency that made my heart skip a few beats, her voice thick with emotion.

"_Thank you_, Edward."

"For what, my love?"

"For helping me believe in this again, and for patiently allowing me to get here. For helping me realize that a perfect relationship doesn't mean that a relationship will ever _be_ perfect. It means that we'll always work, together, to get it as close to perfection as possible. Happy doesn't begin to cover it."

It took me a few moments before I could reply, and when I did, it was with a kiss as fervent as her words, all while I smiled against her mouth.

"I think we're pretty damn close to perfection."

OOOOO

Almost exactly two months later, on a February 26th which was unseasonably warm, our daughter, Grace, was born at the Kensington Wing of Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.

From beginning to end, it was a relatively easy labor and birth. With the boys safely cared for at home by "their" pop-pop, Charlie, who was staying with us for a few months, and knowing what to expect this round, Bella breathed in all the right places, focused at the right times, and I played my admittedly small part. We were so good at it that Gracie arrived after only a couple of hours of labor, with a sweet whimper that made the nurses exclaim, "_Aww!_"

I, on the other hand, was almost brought to my knees by that whimper, and by the sudden force of the adoration that ensued. It wasn't that I'd loved Masen any less at birth nor that I loved Gracie more than I did both of my boys, it was simply that Gracie was my _little girl_. At birth already the spitting image of her mother, with a halo of dark, silky curls, and eyes that promised to be as dark and deep as Bella's, by the time I shakily cut the cord, and they placed Gracie in my arms, I was a willing goner.

"Oh boy," Bella chuckled tiredly a short while later. "I think I've been replaced as the foremost woman in your life."

"Not exactly replaced," I murmured, my eyes on our daughter as I stroked her newborn, gauzy cheek, "but you might have to do some serious sharing of the title from now on."

Bella loved her unconditionally as well, from the very beginning.

So did the boys.

"Our baby Gracie's here! Our baby Gracie's here!"

They shouted it in unison around the house when we brought Gracie home, then stage-whispered it when we told them not to shout around the baby. They followed Bella everywhere and sat in quiet awe as she nursed. They passed me diapers, and they passed Bella outfits, and they passed Gracie toys for which she was still too young. When Bella took to nursing Gracie by the bay window, they sat with her until they grew bored by the silence.

More and more, Bella sat quietly, gazing through that window while she nursed. Charlie and I took the boys to run errands, to run around Kensington and Hyde Parks. I brought them into my office while Bella slept. When she began sleeping through Gracie's hungry and eager wails, Charlie and I took turns waking her.

"Bella, love, do you want to start expelling milk so I can feed Gracie while you rest?"

"No, I've got it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired. She's always hungry."

"Masen was the same," I chuckled. "Remember?"

"I guess." She offered me a faint smile and a shrug.

"How's the latest rewrite for the screenplay? I haven't seen you working on it in-"

"Edward, I'm exhausted. Editing the screenplay is the last thing on my mind."

"Is something wrong, Bella?"

"No. Like I said, I'm just tired."

I was a doctor, for God's sake, who knew about the irrefutable connection between physical and mental health. I'd spent over a decade working for an agency whose main focus was physical and mental health. More than all that, she'd warned me herself, more than once, what to look out for.

_'When I tell you something's wrong, you don't need to worry; it's when I deny something's wrong...'_

Nonetheless, I think...I know part of me knew something was wrong even before the day a week later, when Charlie, the boys, and I arrived home from a walk through the Tower of London, a favorite spot of the boys, and were greeted by the sound of Gracie screaming at the top of her lungs. Heart pounding, I took the stairs three and four at a time, up three flights and found our daughter safely if angrily in her bassinet. A few minutes later, I finally found Bella in our home office on the first level, the room furthest from our bedroom. As I knelt in front of her, with a whimpering Gracie in my arms, tears streaked Bella's cheeks as she stuttered out garbled, stilted explanations that twisted my heart into knots.

"I fed her, but she kept crying, and I...I can't...she screams so loudly...and I kept checking the monitor to make sure she was okay...but I...I couldn't...she screams so loudly..."

"Shh. It'll be okay, love." Despite my efforts, my voice broke. "Charlie went out to find some formula. She'll be fine."

She nodded miserably. For a while, as both of my girls cried, I gently rocked one and stroked the other's arms, her legs, her face...

"Something's wrong. I haven't felt...right..."

"I know, Bella," I said, stoically forcing out the admission. "I know. We'll reach out for help, okay?"

They diagnosed her with postpartum depression, magnified by her predisposition toward depression. And though they assured us that the medications were generally safe for use during nursing, Bella wouldn't take the risk with our daughter's health. She stopped breastfeeding, and for a while, as we waited for the medications to take effect, the guilt over not nursing made Bella feel even worse. It was a vicious cycle. She took time off from the screenplay, and I took time off as well. Charlie helped immeasurably with watching the boys. Rose took a couple of weeks from her practice back home and flew into London to help us find a therapist who'd fit Bella's personality and lifestyle. Vera sent Bella loads of pediatric information confirming that Gracie would never recall this period. Emmett picked up my slack, and Mack kept in constant touch with Bella.

"I feel as if I've failed her," she confessed in bed one night, soon after being diagnosed. "I feel as if I've failed all of you."

And though it shredded my heart to hear her say that, I allowed no sign of weakness in my voice when I replied.

"You haven't failed anyone, Bella. The boys are having a great time hanging out with their pop-pop and with their Aunt Rose. Gracie is safe, she's fed, and she's as happy as a month-old baby, who requires nothing beyond warmth and food right now, can possibly be." I smiled softly as I ran my fingers soothingly through her long hair. "And I'm here with you, where I'll always be."

"But I should be nursing her. I should be holding her more. You of all people know how important nursing is to a baby's immune system."

"Bella, I also know your physical and mental health are more important to our daughter's health, to our entire family's well-being in the long run. Her immune system will be fine. She's got a germaphobe, James Bond slash Jack Ryan-like epidemiologist as her father, remember? Any virus that dares come her way is going to have to get through me and my mad skills."

She offered me a melancholic smile. "Edward, what would I do without you?"

I drew in a deep breath. "Well, since I'm leg-shackled to you by a ball-and-chain, you'll never need to find out."

"You're an ass." Her ensuing chuckle held a bit more humor.

I wiped away her tears, forcing mine to remain at bay. "Bella, we'll get through this, and Gracie and our boys (and I) will be perfectly fine, just as long as _you're_ well. You, my love, are the heart and soul of this operation here."

On the day, a couple of weeks later, when I came home and found Bella back by that bay window...feeding Gracie her bottle while Bella and the boys sang softly to her, I exhaled the long breath that had been trapped in my lungs for weeks. Bella must've sensed me standing there and staring because she looked up, already smiling, her dark eyes sparkling once more. And I smiled broadly in return, finally allowing a tear to fall.

That night, after we put the boys to bed, and I took a turn feeding Gracie, Bella's fingers flew swiftly over her keyboard. And much later that night, we found solace and peace and pleasure...and love in one another once more.

OOOOO

The house in Kensington was also where a few days after Bella's and my wedding, Alice paid her first visit to Jay.

By the time of her first visit, we'd been in London for three months. In those three months, Alice called her son via Facetime nightly. Their conversations weren't long, but neither could we expect them to be long or complicated - Jay was four. They usually involved a four-year-old's discussion on the day's events around the house and as we explored the wonders of London and beyond.

There was no communication with Jasper, and Jay appeared to recall his father rarely if ever. But neither did Bella and I avoid mention of either of his parents to Jay. We made a point of reminding ourselves that we were doing this to provide Jay with a safe, stable, and loving environment while allowing Alice and Jasper an opportunity to straighten themselves out. What would happen upon our return to New York was more or less up to them. Whenever we brought his parents into the conversation, Jay reacted with smiles and easy replies when it came to mentioning his mother. By the time that first Christmas in London rolled around, Jay seemed to have completely forgotten about his father.

The first visit from Alice was a strange though a gratefully non-drama-filled, three-day event. There'd been some anxiety on Bella's and my part before her arrival. She'd given us little information about her plans beyond the date. There'd been no mention of Jasper for months, and as we wondered about that situation, we also wondered if she'd really show at all as well as what sort of attitude she'd bring along with her, what expectations regarding lodging, and what expectations regarding Jay.

Obviously, we had lots of questions.

When Alice finally arrived, she pulled up in a black cab which was almost weighed down with Christmas presents for Jay _and_ for Masen, walked into the house with a breezy, "Hey," for Bella and me, hugged her son fiercely, tussled Masen's hair, and sat on the rug by the lit fireplace with the boys, while they opened expensive presents neither quite understood.

By the time the three-day visit was over, and we were all in bed for the night, I was somewhat livid.

"She spent the entire visit acting more like Masen _and_ Jay's long lost, overindulgent aunt rather than like Jay's mother," I hissed into the quiet of the night, recounting it for Bella, who understandably spent most of Alice's visits elsewhere in her own house. "Every day, she breezed in with more unnecessary gifts for the boys, and with them being four and two-years-old, they played for about five minutes before setting them aside. Then, she stayed for about three hours every day before leaving just as breezily."

"Edward," Bella murmured softly, "at least she didn't spend the visit being combative. That's something, right?"

"Yeah," I muttered. "And when I suggested that if she visits again, she may want to cut down on the presents because neither boy needs so many unnecessary gifts, she looked for a moment like she was getting ready to curse me the fuck out, but then she just said, 'I _will_ visit again...and I'll keep your suggestion in mind.'

Bella chuckled at my imitation of my sister, but I shook my head.

"This bouncy, 'fun-overindulgent-Aunt-Alice-who-can-just-breeze-in-and-out' attitude didn't leave me feeling very confident of her ability to be a decent mother to Jay once we return home."

"Did you get a chance to speak with her about what's going on with her life back home?"

"Yeah, but she was vague. Said Jasper's not around anymore, but we've heard that before," I snorted.

"Did you actually verbalize that thought, sardonic snort and all?" Bella quirked a brow.

"No, Bella," I grumbled. "I kept it to myself. I just..." Sighing, I raked a hand through my hair. "I don't even know what to say...what to expect from her anymore."

We were both quiet for a few minutes, our hands knit together over her stomach and feeling Gracie jump around.

"I suppose we'll just have to give it time, Edward; as you said back in New York, we'll take it one step at a time."

Alice visited a couple of more times, each short visit proceeding more or less in the same vein, though with fewer gifts. Over her next couple of visits, she began taking Jay out - to the park, for ice cream, for bike rides around the neighborhood; just like a fun aunt. And, in all honesty, Jay adored her, looking forward to it on the days leading up to a visit, and obviously out-of-sorts for a couple of days after she'd depart.

OOOOO

By the following September, we'd been in the U.K. for a year, and Bella had just celebrated her thirty-eighth birthday. In March, Jay had celebrated his fifth birthday. Masen turned three in August. I was staring down the barrel of forty, and Gracie was a thriving, happy seven-month-old adored by her parents and spoiled rotten by her older brother and cousin, who loved spending hours every day making her laugh, coaxing her into walking after them and trying to teach her, her first words.

We'd spend some days on set with Bella, at the studio in Leavesden, Hertfordshire, about an hour's drive from London. The studio also happened to be where another wildly popular series was once filmed, and though the boys were still young, and Gracie was tiny, they enjoyed strolling through the official tour sites.

"Say 'Masen' first," Mase commanded, kneeling in front of Gracie while she sat in her stroller, and we leisurely took in the scale model of Hogwarts.

"No, Gracie. Say 'Jay' first. It's much easier to say. Right, Uncle Edward?" Jay said, running back from his explorations to kneel next to Mase and plead his case.

"'Masen' isn't hard to say, right Daddy?" Mase asked with a frown.

Bella and I exchanged continued amused looks at how the boys spoke nowadays, pronouncing some of their words more like Brits than Americans - 'first' became 'fihst' and 'hahd' instead of 'hard' and 'Dadday' instead of 'Daddy; and somehow, I was Uncle 'Edwahd' again to Jay.

"No, Mase," I'd say. "It's not hard to say, but 'Jay' does roll off the tongue easier, so you shouldn't be surprised - or upset - if Gracie says Jay's name first."

While Masen pursed his lips and Jay grinned triumphantly, Bella picked Gracie up from the stroller and pointed out all the books in Dumbledore's office to her.

"But, you should _both_ be ready to hear her say 'Mama' first, either way."

"Oh man!" both boys cried out.

And chuckling, I moved in and kissed my daughter's forehead, whispering conspiratorially, "She's going to say "Daddy" first."

Alice arrived for a visit a few weeks later, the day before Halloween.

She was...different this time around. She arrived in a black cab with a typical fierce hug for her son, with a hug for Masen and Gracie - the latter who just stared at her through rounded eyes too young to remember her last visit - and with an age-appropriate, inexpensive yet well-thought-out Halloween book for each child.

When Bella began to leave the room to go work on her latest novel - the screenplay was perfected by then - Alice called out.

"Bella."

Slowly, my wife turned around.

"I just wanted to say...thanks."

The strange thing was, as I watched them both, and the kids sat on the rug scanning their books, it was as if the two women communicated something I didn't quite understand - not yet. But Bella drew in a deep breath and nodded stoically.

After a while, Alice approached the corner where I sat working on my laptop.

"Edward, would you mind if we took a walk, you and me?"

I held her gaze, with growing unease and curiosity, then I shut my laptop. "All right. Let me just let Bella know so she can watch the kids."

We walked in awkward silence, rigidly side by side through the Kensington streets full of perfectly restored, terraced Victorians. Eventually, the residential homes gave way to upscale shops. We crossed the streets and wandered aimlessly through the manicured gardens of Kensington Park, with burnt orange and golden leaves scattering in our wake, as if they knew what was coming. When we took seats on one of the concrete benches, for a while, we said nothing, while our eyes skimmed the misty landscape.

"I want to take Jay trick-or-treating tomorrow," she began shakily, "just him and me."

I released a long sigh, my chilled breath mixing with the mist on the typically cold, autumn day.

"All right," I nodded, "but Bella and I are taking the kids to a Halloween party in Covent Garden. Then we're going to take the three of them trick-or-treating together. You can take him afterward."

"No, Edward. No. I'd like to take Jay trick-or-treating before all that. Then, I'll drop him off, and you guys can all go-"

"No, Alice," I said decisively. "You can take him afterward. That's it."

For one long moment, Alice stared at me.

"Edward, you do realize only two of those kids are yours, right?"

My jaw tightened, nostrils flaring, and at that point, my first instinct was to tell her that JJ was more Bella's and mine than he was hers. But, in an attempt to follow Bella's advice and control the instinctive rise in blood pressure my dealings with Alice always caused, I inhaled and exhaled deeply before replying.

"Yes, Alice; I'm aware, but I'm sure you've realized that Jay's been living with us here in London for over a year now. He's become part of our family, and though he calls us Aunt and Uncle, _we're_ who provide him with guidance, comfort, and daily care."

"Whereas I play the part of the aunt in his life now, right?" She offered me a wry and humorless grin.

"At this point, he, Mase, and Gracie act more like siblings than cousins, and they're expecting to spend the entire day together tomorrow. You don't have to take him just to prove a point or to spite Bella and-"

"You know what, Edward? I'm trying, I really am, but you can be such a self-centered, egotistical ass."

I reeled back. "_You're_ trying, but _I_ can be a self-centered, egotistical ass?" I retorted.

"But no one will ever call _you_ out on it, will they?" she continued. "Of course, not. Because you really _are_ Mister Perfect. Because you _are_ superior, you _and_ Bella, so that makes it okay for you to judge the rest of us and treat us as inferior when we don't live up to all your expectations."

I glared straight ahead. "At this point, Alice, my only expectations when it comes to you revolve around the well-being of the boy that you-"

"But don't you see what you're saying there?" she choked. "Your _only_ expectations when it comes to me revolve around JJ."

I gripped my hair at my scalp.

"Seriously, Alice, I have no goddamn clue what you-"

She put a hand up, palm out, and I turned my head around and watched her swallow hard.

"The point is, Edward, I know tomorrow is Halloween, and I know JJ's grown used to you and to Bella and to the kids, which is why I'm willing to take him earlier so that you can all still enjoy what you've planned together. I _want_ to give you guys the time together." She dug a finger into her chest. "I'm _not_ trying to hurt you or him…or Bella, believe it or not. But I _am_ his mom...and he has to start getting used to me in that role again."

"What do you-"

"After Christmas, I'm taking him back home, to New York."

"We're here through March."

"I know."

For a handful of seconds, my heart stuttered to a painful standstill. Simultaneously my lungs constricted and my throat closed off. For those few seconds...I wondered if I was actually having a heart attack.

All the while, Alice watched me with stoic calm, a calm I wasn't used to seeing from her.

Eventually drawing in a deep breath, I exhaled it in a long gust and finally managed a reply which, while steady, erupted thick and hoarse.

"I'm not sure that's the best thing for JJ right now. Like I said, Bella and I will be here at least through early spring, in case there are any last-minute rewrites for the _Gemma_ screenplay. What's more, back in New York, the three of us agreed that he would remain with us-"

"Edward, the day _I_ agreed to this, I told you and Bella that it wouldn't be a permanent situation."

Again unable to respond right away, I instead took the time to study my sister. Alice held my gaze patiently through cool, blue eyes that unflinchingly maintained full eye contact, refusing to blink - allowing the inspection. Yes, since her arrival in London, she seemed...different, but now I noted that the pronounced dark circles which had constantly rimmed her eyes for the past few years appeared less prominent. The ceaseless animosity, misery, and bitterness in her every word, in her every action were toned down...perhaps gone. Even that peculiar, forced buoyancy from her previous visits was missing.

But this wasn't a job interview where a candidate's qualifications were measured by their ability to maintain eye contact nor a beauty pageant nor a congeniality contest. There were other considerations, such as-

"Jasper's out of the picture, permanently this time, if you're wondering about him."

"How did you know-?"

"Your crooked nostrils were flaring," she smirked, "and I can pick up on clues too, big brother. I suppose it's a family gift."

A long moment of silence ensued, during which we remained locked in one another's wary, mutually suspicious gaze, both of us refusing to be the first to look away first, no matter what would finally be said between us.

"When you and Bella proposed bringing JJ to London with you, you know I was completely opposed to it, even when Bella proposed that I could use the time that JJ would be away to get my shit together. By the way, she really is eloquent, isn't she? _'Get your shit together.'_ I can see why she's such a successful, worldwide, best-selling-"

"Alice-"

"Anyway, the point is, after you convinced me, _I_ saw the time that JJ would be away as a final opportunity to fix things with Jasper."

Shaking my head, I chuckled mirthlessly and dug my fisted hands in my pockets, kicked my feet out in front of me, and leaned back against the park bench.

"Alice, you never learn."

She snorted. "I thought...if we were alone for a while, without JJ to take care of, maybe we could recapture those times...go back to the way things were when it was just the two of us, and we-"

"And you were both fucking around behind Bella's back. Lovely, as the Brits would say. What a great foundation you wanted to build on."

Alice's eyes flashed with a familiar fury. "Can you just shut up for a minute, and listen to me? This isn't about Bella, Edward. It's not about how I betrayed her or about how my very creation fucked with your head and ruined your life."

"Stop putting words in my mouth."

"But that doesn't mean they're not words you're thinking, does it?"

I exhaled hard. "Alice-"

"Again, it's not about you or Bella. Not yet. To make a long, miserable story short, for a couple of months, I was led to believe it was working, and we were finally on the right track - and then I came home from work early one day because I wasn't feeling well, and I found Jasper fucking someone on my bed."

Nostrils flaring, I shut my eyes, biles of fury and disgust rising to my throat. "Jesus."

"And that was the last straw, the one that finally opened my eyes." She snorted, and her eyes panned away. "Not those mature things like family and responsibility or even the well-being of my son, but the final betrayal I couldn't deny, an image I'd never be able to erase from my head." She snorted cynically. "Talk about fucking Karma, huh? It couldn't have been more perfect had you and Bella planned it that way."

"Seriously, Alice? He fucks up on you, _again_, and we're to blame?"

"That's not what I meant," she said, sounding genuinely remorseful. "Never mind."

Again, we were silent.

"Well, aren't you going to say anything about that?"

"Other than 'It's about fucking time?' What more do you want me to say?"

For half a minute, Alice stared before she turned away, her eyes absorbing the Park's vast green lawn before stopping to scan each individual tree and autumn-toned limb. When her gaze panned back as far as she could see, she swept her eyes up to the gray sky, to the gauzy clouds, and studied those.

I recognized those methodical actions, the preciseness of them, the doggedness in her undertakings, in her pursuits no matter where they led. It was a trait I'd recognized in JJ throughout the year he'd been living with us; a tenacity in his actions, persistence in the rightness of his course, even when it got him into trouble. And when he did get in trouble for it, Bella and I would correct him…then Bella would quietly joke that it was a family trait. Because Masen was the same way. And Bella further claimed that Gracie was showing signs of being exactly like her dad, like her big brother…and like her cousin.

It _was_ a family trait. It was how we Cullens inspected and studied and extrapolated from the world around us. Sometimes, our conjectures were wrong, but my children and I, and my nephew and I...and my sister and I…we had a habit of digging in. And when we dug in, we dug in hard, many times to our detriment. Sometimes, we dug our own holes, nice and fucking deep. No one could dig us into holes better than we could do so for ourselves.

When Alice finally spoke, with her eyes still on the silvery, London skies, her voice quivered, barely audible above the afternoon breeze.

"What do I want you to say, Edward? That's always been the question between us, hasn't it?"

Raking a hand through my hair, I breathed hard in frustration. "_What_ is it that you want me to say, Alice? What is it?"

Her blue eyes panned back to me, unshed tears glistening at the corners. "Maybe something along the lines of 'Alice, you're not a complete and total screw-up? Alice, you're not a fucking monster?'"

"Alice, don't make me out to be the bad guy here. You go around calling me _Mister Perfect_ and arrogant, and everything else you've always called me to blame me for your mistakes, yet I never claimed to be perfect."

Her tears fell. "You never had to claim it, Edward. It was always there."

"So, it's all my fault?" I hissed. "Everything you've done, everything you've gone through is my fault because I supposedly set some unattainable expectations by trying to live a life where I didn't fuck others over while taking everything I wanted and damning the consequences?"

"That's not what I'm saying, not exactly."

"Alice, grow up," I spat. "Take responsibility for your own actions. You've pulled some crazy shit throughout your lifetime, but what you did a few years ago," I scowled, "what you did That Day in that lobby, yes, Alice that was pretty monstrous. And then the way you handled things afterward-"

"Yes, that was monstrous," she agreed in a strangled whisper. "You want me to own that? I'll own it. I think back on that scene, and on the things I said, and I did, and even the things I thought that day…and I cringe, Edward." She cringed. "I disgust myself. And everything I did afterward was just as monstrous, from forcing Bella to spend a night in jail to having the courts force her into anger management and therapy to slapping her with a restraining order when I knew she wasn't dangerous; I knew she wasn't crazy. She broke down because I broke her, Jasper and I...and she was justifiably angry and hurt…and…and here I was now, with her husband and with the baby she'd always wanted. But I wanted that life too, Edward."

She hissed the last part with a sudden ferocity that had been absent for the most part, and at the hint of the return of her defiance, my own building fury flared.

"So, you had to take it from her?" I snarled.

"At the time, I thought that was the only way."

"In what convoluted universe would you think that?"

"In my convoluted universe." She searched my eyes. "Edward, for the past few months, I've been in therapy."

For a few moments, I could do nothing more than blink.

"And my thinking _was_ convoluted, and I'll never be able to explain it to you properly, I know that. It'll never make sense. I've learned that. But can I try? I know it won't change anything with Bella-"

I swallowed hard, bewildered, reeling and frustrated by a difficult sibling relationship I'd never quite known how to navigate.

"Alice, I'm glad you're in therapy; I really am. I've been to therapy too, and I'm fucking relieved as hell that you finally, finally cut that bastard loose, once and for all. He was never a father to Jay or a real man for you, so as horrible as it is that Jay will never have his real father in his life," I sighed, "Jasper was useless. But you're right; the things you did to Bella, those won't be erased by Karma, remorse, or by therapy. That's not how real life works. Yes, she moved on. We moved on together, and we're happy, but the wounds remain, and while some wounds scar over, they do leave a scar."

"Can I do this for you and me, Edward?" She sobbed openly now, further shocking me in an afternoon ripe with overwhelming surprises. "Can I try to explain this to you…for you and me? To see if I can make you understand, even if just a little bit…what I've always wanted you to say?"

I locked my jaw hard while a riot of bewildering emotions roiled inside me, each one a wave ready to knock me over. And as soon as I nodded, Alice dove in with the first surge.

"From the first time I met Bella, I saw her…and I thought she was perfect; at least, she seemed to have the perfect life. Yes, I had looks and money, Edward, and a great apartment, and a bunch of fake friends, and a fledgling career that, as you've pointed out, I'd earned with a more-or-less bought diploma. But do you know what Bella had, Edward, even before she met you?"

She paused, and I waited, her voice weighed down by an age-old pain so heavy I felt it on my shoulders when she replied.

"She had a father who adored her. I'd hang out with her in her office or after work, and he'd text her not out of obligation or to scold her or to throw money at her in one form or another…but for conversation, for your basic, normal, day-to-day boring conversation." She chuckled. "She'd roll her eyes sometimes as she answered his calls or texted him back, but I could tell she adored her father as much as he adored her. And…and I wondered what that was like, having that sort of relationship with your father, with any of your parents." She paused. "But there was more. She had a great career, where the entire newspaper respected her for her talent. She'd walk down those hallways at the publication, and everyone would offer her these…awed smiles, Edward. She'd smile back at them just as broadly because she wasn't conceited. As a matter of fact, I could tell she had no idea how much awe and respect and admiration were behind those smiles. To top it off, she had this…easy beauty about her. She didn't wear the labels I did, yet she always looked so put together, so graceful. Sometimes, I'd stare at her while we talked, and Jesus, the woman barely had anything on her fucking face. The glow that radiated from her was real; _she_ was real. She had a _real_ life, and I admired her and fucking hated her at the same time."

"When did the hate overpower the admiration?" I asked after a pause.

Alice sighed unevenly. "In her real life with her real, everyday problems, one big problem popped up. She wanted to have kids, and she and her husband were trying and trying and...nothing. And one day I met her husband, and of course, he was good-looking because what else, right?"

I shrugged. Again, she paused, this pause so extended that I began to think she was done.

"The first time I met him...and flirted with him, I swear I fully expected him to ignore me. He had _her, _for God's sake;_ Miss Perfect_. Why would anyone risk _her_? So when he didn't ignore me…" – even as she recounted the story, her eyes grew wide, and I could hear the shock in her voice – "when he flirted back instead…God, Edward, there's no good excuse, but it was exhilarating and...and I saw it as my chance."

"Your chance for what, Alice?"

She met my eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "My chance to claim her perfect life. They'd been having trouble conceiving, so I...I told him I was on the pill-"

"Alice," I scowled in disgust, "I don't need all that."

"The point is, I wanted to see if I could be better than her in _something_. When I got pregnant quickly, easily, I saw it as a sign that her life…that perfect life was meant for _me_."

"Her life wasn't perfect, Alice, especially not with that bastard as a husband."

"I know that now. And That Day..."

"That Day..."

After another bout of silence, she squared her shoulders, drew in a deep breath, and blew it out hard as if gathering her courage.

"I may not even have fought for Jasper as hard as I did That Day...had you not shown up."

_"What?"_ I spat the word slowly, enunciated it furiously.

"And I'm not blaming you," she rushed to explain, sobbing brokenly, "not anymore. I'm just trying...because she had _everything_, and as fucked up as our...yours and my relationship was by then, Edward, at least _I_ had a brother; at least I'd always known, even after you left for college and left me behind-"

"Jesus, I didn't leave you behind, Alice, but it was hard for me too; you knew it was."

"I knew that deep inside, yes. And I knew, that whether out of guilt or even out of the tiniest bit of affection..." she stopped, while her tears fell unchecked, and by then having extrapolated where she was going, my own eyes watered, "even when I fought against you...even when I yelled and screamed and defied, I'd always known I had you on my side. And That Day...she took you too."

"Alice, that's not-"

"And again, I'm not blaming you, and I'm not blaming her, but that's how I saw things in my fucked up head That Day. You walked into that lobby, and extrapolated the scene, and went straight to her side. You were _my_ brother, the only person who had ever really stood up for me, yet you took _her_ side."

"Jesus, Alice." I fisted my hair in both hands. "I didn't take her side That Day because I was trying to punish you...or leave you alone. I took her side because _she_ was alone, and she was hurt, and she was right, damn it...and I was drawn to her from the moment I laid eyes on her."

"And in therapy, and with distance from Jasper, and more than all that, with distance from my son and missing him fiercely and _finally_ realizing how I've been hurting him...I've come to realize and accept all that. And I want my son back with me, Edward. I don't want him to pay for my mistakes anymore. I want to be the parent for him that I never had, the mother my mother could never be, the mother I never allowed your mom to try to be...and the type of loving and protective father you and I never truly had."

"Alice." I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back the tears before I reopened them wide. "Alice, I don't know that you're ready."

"I'm probably not, but who the hell is ever completely ready, Edward? I'm ready to try my best, I swear that to you. And I'm hoping...I'm hoping," she choked, "that you and Bella are willing to help, if not for me, for Jay because I do know you both love him like he's one of your own."

Again, I squeezed my eyes shut.

_'...a perfect relationship doesn't mean that a relationship will ever **be** perfect. It means that we'll always work, together, to get it as close to perfection as possible...'_

"Please, Edward. I swear I'm not trying to hurt you and Bella. I'll wait 'til after Christmas, but I miss my son, and I want to try-"

I pulled her in, and when she wrapped her arms around me, for one long moment, we sat on that hard bench, freezing our asses off and releasing years' worth of anger of blame of frustration...and of mutual mistakes and mistrust into the cool, London breeze.

"We'll help, Al, for both of you," I murmured. "And though I can't promise that the relationship between you, Bella, and I will ever be...normal...when you need me, I'll be there."

"And that...is what I've _always_ wanted to hear you say," she breathed. "Thank you, Edward."

OOOOO

And so on a cool, breezy London day in March, Bella and I walked through our Victorian townhouse one last time. In the kitchen, we stood by the sliding glass doors, another upgrade to the original Victorian that I loved, and watched our three-and-a-half-year-old son and our thirteen-month-old daughter scamper around our English garden for the final time.

"You looked so beautiful that day," I breathed.

"And you looked so handsome in your suit," Bella replied, knowing exactly what day I referred to. "I _am_ going to miss living in London, but I'm anxious to get home as well." She looked up at me and smiled. "I can't wait to see Jay. I've missed him so much over these past three months."

"I know, even though we speak with him nightly. But at least we know he's settled in okay, and Alice is letting him spend the weekends with us until we all transition into...whatever becomes our normal."

She nodded, and sliding her arms around my neck, she smiled softly and sighed. "This life; it's not always fair, is it? But it's far from unfair."

I kissed her tenderly. "So far from it. Love you."

"Love you too. Come on, let's go get our babies and get to the airport."

OOOOO

**And...Eight Years After That Day:**

Eight years after That Day, Bella and I found ourselves in our bedroom - on a typical Wednesday night, and in what could've been termed a rather mundane, random moment.

By then, she was a successful, world-famous writer; I had a challenging, successful partnership with my best friend, where we lent our expertise to other agencies...and helped to maintain the health of the world around us. We had great friends, with whom we spent plenty of memorable times. We had two, beautiful, healthy, and happy children - a copper-haired, green-eyed five-year-old monster boy who was about to begin Kindergarten and a dark-haired, dark-eyed two-and-half-year-old princess girl who was going to have to get used to not having her big brother around to spoil her all day. But Bella and I would always make sure we nurtured the relationship between them.

We had a seven-year-old nephew, whom we'd always love like our own son. But...he had his mom, who did her best by him, even if she stumbled now and then. Yet we were here to lend a hand without judging because no, we weren't perfect either. And though my sister and my wife would never be the friends they'd once been, for our children's sake, they got along. And my sister and I...well, we'd come a long way.

Either way, that night, that rather mundane, random Wednesday night, Bella knelt in front of me on our bed, and in her tiny non-pajamas, posed a question which was anything but mundane or random.

"I'll ask you one last time, Mr. Cullen-Swan," she breathed huskily, "my erstwhile stranger, my lover, my best friend: What privileges did your broken nose earn you?"

It was...the million-dollar question.

And as I knelt before the woman I'd admired for eight years, and curled a hand around the nape of her neck, slowly pulling her in, I replied with all the honesty, the courage, the confidence, and the love that her love had taught me.

"It earned me the privilege of _us_, Mrs. Cullen-Swan." I met her lips softly. "It earned me the privilege of us."

THE END.

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**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Thank you all, so much, for taking another "trip" with me. **

**Uprising and Seven Nights will continue soon. Don't know which one first yet. It depends on what my Muse decides. ;)**

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**Twitter: PattyRosa817**

**"See" you all soon. :)**


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